691 Suburban Dr By Natty Soltesz
I listened for the sound of the front door shutting, then watched from my bedroom window as Jordan slunk into his car and drove away. I sat at my kitchen table, listening to the soft hum of silence. Mr. Donald crept out of the carrier and rubbed against my leg, I put my hand down and he smooshed his face against it. Then I cried.
"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" asked Kate the next day, at work. Kate worked with me in the computer science department, and we'd been fast friends since my first day. "Me and Charlie want to have you over."
"I haven't thought about it," I said, looking up at her, my hand on my mouse. Kate sat on the edge of my desk. "I guess it's a pretty long vacation we've got coming up." The University gives us five days off and I was surprised to find that I wasn't looking forward to it.
"Not long enough," Kate said. She looked at me. "Oh honey. Are you worried you'll be lonely?"
"Yes. It's the first real vacation we've had since Jordan and I broke up." Jordan - douchebag that he was - had at least been someone to come home too. We did stuff together - went out to movies, went to thrift stores, bought groceries. It wasn't a perfect relationship but it was companionship.
"Then you're definitely coming over for Thanksgiving and I won't take no for an answer. Besides, I told Charlie he has to cook in nothing but an apron." I smiled. I had a total boner for Kate's husband and my attraction was our little joke.
So on Thursday I bucked up, made mashed sweet potatoes and brought them to Kate's house before noon. Charlie, the adorable lunkhead, answered the door.
"Hey der Nate," he said, and brought me into a big hug. My skinny body sunk into his beef and muscle, and I allowed it to feel good. He smelled like manly deodorant. "Happy Thanksgiving," he said, displaying the alluring gap between his front teeth.
"Nate!" Kate said, coming up behind Charlie. I got another big hug. She got me and Charlie a beer, herself a glass of wine, and we sat at the table while Charlie navigated his six foot, five inch frame around the kitchen.
"I told Charlie to cook naked but he wouldn't," Kate said.
"It's too cold," Charlie said from the kitchen. He knew I was hot for him and liked to tease me about it, too.
"Aw, c'mon Charlie, you know I wouldn't judge you. I know what cold can do to a man," I said.
"Nate, you're so crazy," Charlie said, his face going red.
We ate too much, which is to say exactly enough. Charlie passed out on the couch in front of the game while Kate and I cleaned up.
"Have you seen Jordan at all?" she asked me.
"He stopped by two days ago and gave me the cat."
"Really?" I put a plate in the rack. She picked it up and swiped it with a towel.
"Yeah. And he wanted to have sex with me," I said.
"Oh my god - did you?"
"No. Of course not."
"But you haven't had sex in, like, forever," she said. I glanced at her.
"So what?" I said.
"I mean, I think you did the right thing. I'm just surprised you had the willpower, I guess."
"Well to tell you the truth it kind of depressed me. He seems really lonely. I don't think he'd ever admit it, though."
"Are you lonely?"
"Sometimes," I said.
"Well you're always welcome here," Kate said. "I mean it. Anytime. Even if I'm not here."
"You trust me to be alone with Charlie?" I said, smiling.
"I don't trust you but I trust Charlie," she said. "It's been how long since you broke up with Jordan? Six months?"
"Close to that," I said.
"Do you think you're ready to, like, date?"
"I don't know. I don't have any interest in going to bars or anything. I'm just worried about filling up my time over this goddamn work break."
"Take a trip," Kate said.
"Hm?"
"Go somewhere. You have some money, right? And a car. Drive somewhere." She grabbed her wine glass from the counter and threw back what was left in it.
"Huh," I said. We walked into the living room to where Charlie was snoring on the couch.
"If you want to molest him in his sleep I won't tell."
"Yes you would," I said. I gave her a big kiss on the cheek. "I'm really glad I came," I said.
I thought about it – taking a trip. It was just like Kate to pull something like that out of her ass. And why not? Living with Jordan I'd been broke most of the time – he barely worked. Now that I was a good seven months into single-dom I had a bit of money, and a reliable car.
I waited until I got home. Then I swallowed my anxiety, found in my phone where Darrin had called, and called him back. A female voice answered. "Hello?"
"Um – is Darrin home?" I said.
"Yeah just a sec – Darrin?"
His girlfriend? His wife? The first thing I thought was that she knew who I was – that Darrin must have told her about me. There was a familiarity in her tone, a comfort.
"Hello?" Darrin's voice.
"Hey Darrin."
"Aww shit," he said, laughing. I laughed too, but my heart was in my throat. The fact of the matter was that I'd fallen in love with Darrin, once upon a time in college, and had spent some time extricating myself from that. There was a kernel of fear in my mind that talking to him could bring all those feelings back.
"Dude, you called me back," he said. I could see him, his black skater-boy hair, and joker's grin. "I didn't think you would."
"Sorry it took me so long," I said. Deep breath.
"Nah, dude, it's cool. What have you been up to? I haven't talked to you in like six years." He laughed and the sound of it made me feel like I'd made the right decision. I told him the usual - working, getting by. "The reason I called is, I was talking to Randy the other day."
"No shit," I said.
"Yeah."
"He's living out in Boston, right?"
"Yeah. He's doing alright. We were talking about you, though." His voice lowered when he said that, in an intriguing way.
"Really?"
"Yeah," Darrin said, laughing in a way that let me know exactly what he was laughing about. "You know...we had some good times back in the day."
"We did, man. So...who answered the phone?"
"That's Fallon. My girlfriend." He said they lived together and had been going out for the past two years. "I own a house out here, dude."
"Where are you?'"
"Philly. Well, not really Philly. The suburbs."
"Right on."
"I was telling Fallon about you."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah." There was a pause. "Just how good of friends we all used to be."
"Cool."
"She wants to meet you."
"Awesome."
"So are you coming out here, dude?"
When I left to leave the next day, bags packed and heart steeled for whatever might come at it, my reliable car didn't start. When I had it towed and the mechanic said it was going to take at least four days to get it going, I observed my disappointment and relished my relief.
"Dude that sucks," Darrin said when I broke the news. "Christmas then? Do you have plans?"
"I don't, in fact," I said. My parents were going to Costa Rica and while my sister had invited me to her house in DC to have Christmas with her Republican husband and four terrible children, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do less.
"It's a plan then. Fallon's family is in California and we don't feel like traveling to see mine. We're just gonna be doing our own thing and it'd be better with you here. We can check out Philly. Party – whatever."
It all worked out for the best, anyway, because I ended up really enjoying myself over vacation. I didn't do a whole hell of a lot – I didn't have a car after all – but I watched bad movies and read The Secret History by Donna Tartt late into the night because I couldn't put the damned thing down. I started writing in my journal again, spending hours at this pretty cool coffee shop down the street from my place. It was good to know that I could be alright alone.
Also, I got horny, for the first time since...well, certainly since the breakup, and maybe a good while before that.
So I wound up perusing the personals on Craigslist. Almost every other ad on there was from a guy who said he was straight. I answered an ad for a guy who wanted his ass eaten out – just that, nothing else, and only because "chicks won't do it so I may as well try a guy."
I didn't believe it, but it gave me a boner. He asked for a pic in my response. I was going to pull one off of Facebook but I realized I didn't have any that made me look sexy.
So I spent a half hour in my bathroom with my shirt off, taking pictures of myself in the mirror. I got a good one of my flexing my bicep but I felt stupid about it so I put my shirt back on and got one of me just looking normal - normal but well lit. I even took a lamp from my desk and used it as a key light to give my skin just the right glow.
Nobody ever said getting laid was easy, even in the digital age where sex seems as easy to order up as a mushroom pizza.
I sent my pic to the ass-eating guy and while I waited for a response I went on Huffington Post and read an editorial by Rita Rudner that I instantly forgot, then somebody on Facebook posted a clip of Whoopi Goldberg farting on `The View,' so I watched that and felt curiously empty as a result.
When I checked my email account I had a response from `J.D.', subject: "Re: Lick ass."
It said: "Ad clearly stated bi or str8 only, and you're clearly gay."
I shut down my computer and jacked off to the Falcon DVD I've been keeping in my sock drawer for the last ten years.
Darrin emailed me his address the week before Christmas. I plugged it into Google and it came up on the satellite view. His house was in a subdivision with roads that curved in flowing patterns. Beyond the subdivision were acres of green, wilderness, and I wondered about it.
It was a five-hour drive, and I did manage to get my nut off before I arrived, at a truck stop no less. It was just a gravel pull-off for trucks on the side of the interstate. I got out to pee but when I noticed dirt paths leading up into the woods I got intrigued. I followed one. I ran into a couple guys shuffling around and got the idea.
To be honest, it gave me an instant boner. I'd never done anything like it before, and wondered why not. There was nothing keeping me from trying it. A relatively handsome, beefy trucker nodded at me. He had his jacked unzipped and the top two buttons of his plaid shirt were undone to show his hairy chest. I nodded back and he pawed my crotch, then knelt down in the dirt, took out my cock, and slipped it in his mouth.
I was turned on but nervous and wasn't going to cum. He stood up, smiling and affable. "Nice cock," he said in a deep, quiet voice.
"Thanks," I said. He undid his pants so I could see his full-packed jockstrap. With his hands roaming all over my body I jacked my dick.
"Cum on my jock," he said. That was all I needed. I pointed my prick at his cup and blasted away onto the nubby off-white fabric. When I was done he zipped right up. He gave me a peck on the lips and said "You're sexy." I told him he was, too. I got back to my car and drove away, thinking how funny it is to be gay sometimes.
There was a wood-cut sign at the entrance to Hidden Grove, Darrin's subdivision, that depicted a stand of pine trees under a round gray moon. The actual trees that lined the streets were only saplings that had while to go before they formed anything like a grove, let alone one that was hidden. Finally I turned onto Darrin's street, Suburban Drive, a name that seemed so beside the point and redundant that it made me wonder if the developers had had a sense of humor. The houses looked so similar that I had to turn around twice before I found Darrin's house. I parked on the street. The door to the house opened and Darrin stood in the doorway, smiling.
"Dude." I held out my hand. "Fuck that," he said and pulled me into a big hug.
"You look good," I said. He did. His once-rail-thin skater boy body had some mass and thickness to it, but his eyes were still gleaming and young, his dark hair thick and sexy. And yeah, I'd felt the bulge in his pants pressing against mine, and it was a good reminder of what he still possessed down there.
"You have any trouble getting here?"
"Nope."
"Fallon's at work but she'll be back around five." He gave me the tour. "I bought this place a year ago. It's closer to work." He was doing graphic design and tech stuff for an upstart ad agency. He took me upstairs to his office which was pure Darrin – anime posters on the wall, complicated looking computer parts and cords strewn over bookshelves and in boxes. "This is Fallon," he said, handing me a framed photo.
It was of a blue-eyed redhead posing goofy-seductive in the woods. There was a fire pit in the background. She looked familiar to me. "Did you guys meet in State University?"
"No, she's from Santa Cruz. California."
"Oh, that's where you moved out of college, right?"
"Yeah but we didn't meet out there, weirdly enough. We met here, at work – well, she used to work there. She works for a nonprofit now." I set the picture on the shelf. She wore tight shorts and her legs looked large and strong.
"How long have you guys lived together?"
"Since I bought this house," Darrin said. "The lease was up on her place so it worked out." I nodded, sipping the beer Darrin had handed me downstairs.
"She's kinda hot," I said, and I meant it. There was something...sturdy about her. She looked built to last.
"Dude, you have no idea," he said, lowering his head. "She can't wait to meet you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." We heard the front door open.
"I'm home," said a female voice.
"Come on," Darrin said, and took me by the hand as he led me to the stairs.
Fallon had her arms full of packages, one hand carrying a plastic-wrapped tray of cookies. She kicked the door and it closed with a satisfying slam.
"Hey baby," she said, leaning forward to give Darrin a peck on the lips. She set the packages on the floor. "And you must be Nate," she said. I shook her hand. "Nice to finally meet you," she said.
"You too," I said. "Cookies," I said, nodding toward her other hand.
"I know, right?" She handed the tray to me and shrugged off her coat. "We had our holiday party at work today. Andrea made like fourteen fucking dozen, I don't know who she expected to eat them all." Her sweater was tight and I couldn't help but notice that she had nice, perky tits. "I need a drink."
We followed Fallon into the kitchen. I set the cookie tray on the counter. Fallon reached into the cabinet to grab a bottle of liquor and Darrin came up and embraced her from behind. She turned, liquor bottle in hand, and kissed him deeply, her hands sliding down his lower back to grab his ass. Darrin did the same, giving her cute butt a tight squeeze before breaking off. They gave me quick, sheepish grins. I sucked on my beer and looked to the floor.
We ordered a pizza for dinner and Darrin procured a joint for dessert which we smoked in the living room. Darrin and Fallon were on the couch, Fallon with her legs thrown over Darrin's lap.
"So Nate, Darrin's told me a lot about you. About when you guys were in college and lived together."
"Oh yeah?" I said, my breath catching. I was high and this felt like treacherous territory, considering all the big, gay sex I'd had with Darrin back in the day.
"Yeah," Fallon said, looking me right in the eye.
"Hard to remember those days," I said. "It's been a while."
"Oh I don't know. It sounded pretty memorable," Fallon said. Darrin rolled his eyes.
"How much did you tell her?" I asked Darrin.
"Everything," Fallon replied.
"Really?"
"Dude, she plies me for details on a regular basis," Darrin said. I ran my hand through my hair, unsure of what to say.
"It's cool," Fallon said. "I know Darrin's bi. Or whatever he is. Frankly, I think it's sexy. But now that you're here I'm gonna ply you for details."
"Okay," I said.
"Eventually," Fallon said.
"Let's watch a movie," Darrin said, and I was grateful for the change of subject. The fact that Darrin had told his girlfriend, apparently in great detail, about all the dude sex he'd had in college was surprising enough, let alone the fact that he considered himself bi, "or whatever." For all I knew he could still be having dude sex. Were they swingers? Clearly something was going on.
We watched Iron Man which was better than I thought it was going to be. I was tired from the drive and passed out soon after in Darrin's guest bedroom.
The next morning Fallon drove us to Philly proper and we did touristy stuff since I'd never been there before: bell, courthouse. We got some Middle Eastern food for lunch despite Darrin's disapproval.
"Thank god you're here, Nate," Fallon said, taking my arm as we made our way back to the car after we ate. "We can't leave the house without Darrin dragging me to a fucking Italian restaurant."
"Whatever. We went to that Japanese place last month," Darrin said.
"Where you ordered steak and a baked potato," Fallon said, leveling her eyes.
"At least it doesn't smell like he uses his deep fryer anymore," I said.
"I need a new one," Darrin said.
"He used it constantly when we lived together. You breathed grease in that place," I said.
"Meat and potatoes," Fallon said, hugging my arm closer. Darrin got on the other side of me and shoved his body playfully against my shoulder. It felt good and natural, this physicality. Fallon smelled fresh and girly from perfume or shampoo. "He has no sense of adventure. Well, at least not where food is concerned. But I guess you know that."
I took a deep breath, still not quite ready to navigate those waters.
Darrin stopped at the beer distributor on the way home and bought a case of beer, then we picked up a box of wine for Fallon. "It's Friday," Darrin said. "Gotta get down on Friday."
The sky was darkening as we drove into Hidden Grove. "We call it Monopolyville," Fallon said as we passed row after row of identical boxy houses. "It's not bad though. Mostly families. Everything does their own thing. Nobody bothers us."
We played cards. I was getting drunk and feeling good. There was an ease to my friendship with Darrin that I'd forgotten about in the midst of all the old sexual tension. I had a connection with him, and as I've gotten older I've come to realize that those connections you have with certain people, which seem abundant when you're young, are actually rare.
That feeling extended to Fallon. Conversation flowed easily in all directions. We were getting a little toasted.
"Nate, for a guy who supposedly doesn't know how to play poker, you're surprisingly good at winning," Fallon said.
"Beginner's luck," I said, raking in the pot.
"Look at the grin on the little shit," Fallon said to Darrin. I grinned wider and stuck my tongue between my teeth.
"We'll get him back," Darrin said.
"Yeah, or let's raise the stakes," Fallon said.
"Strip poker?" I suggested. Fallon shrugged. Darrin laughed.
"So Nate..." Fallon said. "When was the last time you and Darrin had sex?"
"Talk about raising the stakes," I said.
"It was gonna happen eventually," Darrin said. "She can't get enough of it."
"It doesn't make you uncomfortable, does it?" Fallon said.
"No," I said, squirming in my chair.
"Yeah you look really comfortable," Darrin said.
"It...it was just a really long time ago. And I haven't even really discussed it with Darrin."
"What's there to discuss?" Darrin said.
"I guess nothing."
"So when was the last time?" Fallon said again. She nibbled the edge of a poker chip. I looked at Darrin. We waxed thoughtful.
"At least seven years," I said.
"The last time had to be in the apartment we lived in above Uncle Jimmy's."
"But you don't remember the exact last time?" Fallon said. "C'mon, Nate, I know you must remember."
"I do," I said. "But I don't really want to talk about it." Fallon nodded. Darrin shuffled the cards. "So Darrin's told you a lot, has he?" I said. Fallon nodded, the smile returning to her face. "What was your favorite story?"
"Well..." Fallon said. Darrin dealt the cards. "I think what sticks out in my mind the most is how all you guys would kind of fuck each other and take turns with it...like it was real egalitarian, or whatever."
"It's true," I said. "It was very democratic."
"An equal-opportunity environment for ass sex," Darrin agreed. Fallon left the room and returned with a full glass of red wine.
"So how'd you guys meet?" I said.
"He didn't tell you?" Fallon said.
"He said you met at work." Darrin sat back and took a long sip of his beer. "Didn't you?" I asked.
"No, we did. We knew each other from work, anyway. But that's not how we met," Fallon said. "We met on a website. On a kink website, actually."
"Alt dot com," Darrin said.
"Really?" I said, raising my eyebrow.
"Yeah," Fallon said, meeting my gaze.
"We hooked up and afterwards I was like, don't I know you from work?" Darrin said.
"We didn't even work on the same floor so we didn't know each other that well, but it was still a pretty freaky coincidence."
"Alt dot com, huh?" I said.
"Tell him what brought us together, Darrin," Fallon said. Darrin squirmed.
"I was looking for a dominant girl," he said, looking at Fallon. He smiled big. "It said on her profile that she gave a good spanking." Fallon nodded.
"Does she?" I asked, though I kind of already suspected. Fallon seemed like she'd know how to dominate a guy.
"She does," Darrin said.
"Wow, Darrin," I said. "I had no idea you were so kinky."
"Neither did I," he said. "But it seems like the older I get the less I'm afraid to explore this stuff."
"That's how I got Darrin to tell me about all the gay sex he had back in college, I spanked it out of him," Fallon said, a gleam in her eye. "But he got into telling me about when he found out how much it turned me on."
"It does turn you on, doesn't it? Gay sex, I mean."
"Mm hm," Fallon said into her wine glass. Awkward silence, then Fallon set down her glass. "You know, Nate, let's just get it all out on the table." Darrin slid back in his chair, eyes on Fallon. "You've probably guessed at this point that Darrin and I didn't invite you out here with the purest of intentions."
"Well..." Darrin said.
"Not that we don't like you," Fallon added.
"Obviously I wanted to see you again, that's the most important thing. You're my buddy and I wanted to catch up," Darrin said.
"Okay," I said. "I can appreciate impure intentions. I mean, I've always known Darrin was a little freaky, and it hasn't taken long to figure out that you guys are, too."
"Good," Fallon said. "Because, basically, Darrin and are both into the idea of messing around with a bi guy."
"Okay," I said. "But...I'm not bi."
"Right," Darrin said.
"We know that," Fallon added. "It's just that we've tried before? Like, with guys off Craigslist? And it's been...supremely disappointing. And knowing the history you've had with Darrin, we thought you might be interested in...exploring with us a little. A no-pressure kind of thing."
"We want somebody we feel comfortable with," Darrin said. I took a deep breath, unable to ignore the giant red neon lit sign in my mind that flashed PUSSY ALERT! PUSSY ALERT! Not that I was afraid of pussy, necessarily, but it did provoke anxiety. Plus there was the fact that I'd never been attracted to girls. Or pussy.
I couldn't think of a way to express this without sounding insulting.
"Here's the thing: we're just friends for now," Darrin said. I listened closely. "That's what this visit is about. We have no interest in making you feel uncomfortable."
"Yeah if you decide it's something you don't want to do then that's it, end of story. We stay friends. I mean, I feel good about us being friends, you know? I wouldn't want to mess that up," Fallon said.
"That's first and foremost," Darrin added.
"Thanks for that," I said. "I can't say I'm not interested."
"It'd be your show," Fallon said. "We decided that. I mean, we'd obviously have to discuss between us if we'd feel comfortable exploring anything you might propose. And we could certainly propose ideas. But ultimately, it'd be your thing. Does that make sense?"
"Yes. I like that," I said. The truth was I was already getting ideas. The thought of watching them fuck entered my mind. I thought that I would like that very much. In fact, I started to get a hard on.
"Good," Darrin said. "Let's sleep on it?"
"Okay," I said. Fallon nodded. We were all on the level. More than I'd realized, in fact. Darrin got up to heat some spinach and artichoke dip, and the boner in his shorts was quite apparent. Fallon saw me looking and gave me a wink.
More stories on my website: http://nattysoltesz.com/stories
Email me: bacteriaburger@gmail.com
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