Nick forced one more smile to his list of thousand ones he had to give Brian and the other guys that night when they got back from Lucy's.
Finally he was able to lock himself in his room. 'No one more to face. No more laughs to fake.' - he thought a little poetical.
In one week they would be all off to meet family, which meant they wouldn't see each other for two weeks. Nick was looking forward to this. He didn't want to be close to Brian. To pretend everything was ok when he needed him much more than his heart could bear to. He needed Brian, he needed his love, his friendship... Everything.
Brian had always been the one to know Nick more than himself. Brian hugged him when everyone else teased on him for being homesick. And when Nick was crying, Brian didn't try to make him laugh, he cried with him.
It hurt more the feeling he'd have to throw all this away. Nick was crying, he wanted Brian. It didn't matter if they couldn't be more than friends. He needed him.
Suddently he stopped crying. All the images from the night at Lucy's bedroom was coming back to his mind. He couldn't be wrong, Nick had seen his eyes! It was so obvious that Brian loved him! This could make it easier to take. Nick figured it all out. Brian loved him but could never go through life being with a guy. He wasn't gay. 'But I ain't either! I'd never be with any other guy that is not Brian! I still like girls... I don't like boys... But Brian... Its not like he is a "man", Brian is my friend, my brother, the one who always took care of me... And now I'm in love with him...'
It wasn't a fake smile that rested on his lips when Nick fell asleep.
No matter how strong he'd shut his eyes and struggle to catch sleep, that feeling just wouldn't go away.
Nick. Nick's body shaking, shivering in his arms. Nick... so pure, so loving... How could he hurt him like that? Brian knew he was wrong. He could've never let this happen. What had he done to Nick? He was probably hiding his anger.
If now Brian was dropping tears it was from blaming himself. He felt guilty for what he had done. But he was feeling even more guilty because he knew he'd do it all over again.
If he tried hard enough he could almost feel Nick's hair brushing against the skin on his chest. If he could reach his arms he would take his love and keep him safe. But he couldn't... Brian couldn't have Nick and he couldn't sleep either.
It was a new day in Florida. As always during the summer the sun was shining through, bright and hot.
Joey was taken out of bed by Lucy's insistent voice telling her to come over. Why would she do something like that? They had just seen each other...
It was urgent, she said. And she'd better be right to had waken her up.
"Hey Lucy... What is it that couldn't wait till nine o'clock?"
"Joey! Don't say a thing, just come here."
Lucy took her by the arm and conducted her to her bedroom upstairs.
"Sit down." - she ordened to Joey while she went to the TV.
"Ok. What is it that you want to show me? Oh, the tape? C'mon, Lucy! We have the rest of our lifes to watch it!" - Joey was cranky. Lucy called at seven thirty in the morning.
"Girl, just wait, ok?" - Lucy sat on the bed by her side.
They stared at the TV for a while.
"What? Where is the game and the kiss? Why are you showing me your bedroom?"
Lucy let escape a little laugh.
"Oh, you see how I am absent minded! I just forgot the camera on when I went to your bedroom that day!"
"And...?"
"Hey. Its Nick!" - Lucy exclamed pointing at the TV.
For the next half na hour she watched cheerfully as the facial expression of Joey changed. First surprise. Then, disbelief. And last a mixture of shock and joy, turning into bafflened euphoria.
"Oh my God."
"I know!" - Lucy shouted still laughing at her reaction and turning off the TV.
"We are lucky bastards, ya know that, right?" - Joey asked still in shock.
"I know!" - Lucy shouted again taking Joey back to reality.
"Oh, my God, Lucy... They did it!"
"I know!"
Joey laughed coz of her same reply.
"What are we gonna do know? What about you and Brian? You saw there, they love each other! Awwww that was sooooo cute!"
"I know..." - Lucy sighed.
"Really girl, what is gonna happen next?"
"Guess me and Brian will have to talk. I'll tell him its over. I mean, it hadn't even begun, but..."
"Lucy, wake up! How are you gonna tell him its over? How will you explain the tape?"
"Oh, God! You are right. But I can't let them suffer like that. Now I understand why Brian seemed so upset yesterday. But still, now I don't get it! Why did Brian accept being with me?"
"Lucy, when you pulled Brian to the other side of the yard. Yesterday morning. Did you guys kiss?"
"Hm, yeah. Why?"
"Any chances Nick saw it?"
Lucy thought for a while.
"Oh, God! There must have been this! I can't think of any other reason why they kinda foght."
Joey nodded.
"We gotta come up with something! A plan to bring them together without mentioning the tape!" - Joey said excited.
"And this gotta be fast. Brian told me they will be going home in one week to be with family. We gotta hook them up before they leave." - Lucy stopped talking, Joey was laughing. "What?" - she asked.
"Oh, my God, Lucy! Did you realize the situation? You and me are encharge of hooking Nick and Brian up! The hotest boys in the whole world! Together! And I confess they make me horny as hell..." - pause to laugh. - "But did you see the tape? They love each other! Oh, God, its so sweet! They are the cutest couple ever!"
"Of course they are! Brian is hotest guy ever!" - Lucy laughed too. - "And they have this strong friendship... Its like they've always been connected. Just have to face it, they were meant to be! There's nothing else to be said. They are perfect to each other."
"True that."
"And, God! That tape! I get all horny just thinking about it!"
Both girls bursted out laughing again.
"Hey Joey... I have an idea... Do you think Nick would come here if you asked him to?"
"Hm... maybe. I think yes, I mean, he is mad at Brian he will probably come. Why?"
Lucy grinned.
"Listen..."
Eight o'clock.
Nick hung up the phone.
"Brian!" - he screamed.
"Yeah?" - he showed up a couple of minutes later.
"Joey called. They said they want us there today."
"Why?"
"How am I supposed to know? Joey said she needs to see me, that she has something we need to talk about... And Lucy, ya know. She is your girlfriend." - Nick was fighting to keep a straight face. - "She probably misses your already."
Both boys forced a smile.
'And who wouldn't miss you, Brian?' - Nick thought sadly. 'Just who?'
"Ok." - Brian said finally.
"I told them we'd be there by nine after we have dinner."
"Sure. I'll go change then."
"Where are you guys going?" - Kevin asked.
"Lucy's." - Nick said only.
"Again?"
"No, AJ. Once more." - Nick said without emotion.
Even though they laughed.
Nick forced himself to laugh together. But he was wondering how would he go through the meeting at their friends. He couldn't handle Lucy and Brian together... It was too much for him.
But Nick had to go. Something inside him was just saying he had to.
Eight third they finished having dinner. Brian stood up and looked at Nick.
"Let's go?" - he said trying to sound happy.
"Yes. Let's go." - was his reply.
"Hello?" - Brian shouted for the fifth time.
They found the front door of the house opened, but there seemed to be no one at all inside.
"You girls there?" - Nick asked loudly.
"Nick, you sure they knew we were coming here now? There is no one home!"
"Brian, they called! They were the ones to invite us! I am as clueless as you!" - Nick was angry.
"Hey, calm down, ok?"
'I knew I shouldn't have come.' - Nick thought.
"Hey, look there. There's a note on the fridge."
"Really?"
"Yeah." - Brian said going to the kitchen.
"What it says?" - Nick asked as soon as Brian took the piece of paper on his hands.
He began to read it.
"Sorry guys. Urgent leave. Call me on my cell phone as soon as you get this. I'll explain everything. Love, Lucy."
"What is this all about?" - Nick was tired, angry and with no patience at all.
"Dunno, lets call her."
Brian took the phone to call Lucy. Nick watched him do this and went to the living room to wait sat on the couch.
After ten minutes Brian showed up next to him.
"So, what now?" - Nick asked.
"I called her. She is with Joey. They were both here waiting for us when Lucy got this urgent message from her father that her aunt was at the hospital and she should go there to check if she needed something, once he is far away traveling. She said they tried to call us but we had already left."
"So..."
"So Lucy and Joey are gone and will be only back tomorrow evening. Lucy asked please for us to stay here this night coz she is afraid to leave the house all alone. She asked if we could take care of things till they get back. Besides, they will still want to talk to us when they get here."
"Which means we both have to sleep over, right? Oh, great!" - Nick sighed bothered.
"C'mon, Nick. I know it sucks, but its a huge favor. Lucy needs us..."
"I know, I know. Guess I was just disappointed."
"I totally understand. So am I."
Brian frowned and sat in front of him.
Suddently it hit Nick the fact they would be together all this time in the same house. Alone. Alone for the first time since... since their little 'fun' night.
"So, what are we gonna do?" - Nick forced himself to ask. But he was afraid to. Damn, it was so easier to pretend when there was people around!
"I don't know... We could watch some TV or look at some photos. You know how Lucy has these large books of pictures. Of us, of the girls, of everybody..."
"Yeah. But do you know where are those books?"
"No... but I'm sure they are somewhere in her bedroom. Wanna come up and look for?" - Brian asked.
"Oh, I don't know..." - Nick stood up and so did Brian. - "I'm not sure I want to go back to that bedroom where..." - Nick's voice faded and he sighed. 'Shit, can't believe I said that! Oh, fuck up! I couldn't care less.'
Nick turned around.
Brian's mood changed. He was mad.
"Hey, Nick... c'mon, whats wrong? We don't need to care about this, it was only a night when he had a little too much fun, right?" - Brian sounded angry but Nick didn't even notice.
Nick felt the anger building inside of him. 'Oh, God, I can't help it anymore.' Nick knew he was gonna blow his top at Brian. It was gonna happen now.
"No, Brian! That wasn't just a fucking night of having fun! Or at least, that wasn't to me!" - Nick screamed turning around again to face Brian.
Brian shocked. He couldn't speak. It was Nick the one to say it meant nothing! How could him say it now?!
"Brian if I kissed you again it was because I wanted to! There was no one there! No one to dare me to do it again! It wasn't a stupid game! I wanted to kiss you coz... Coz I couldn't think of anything else since it had happened! And I saw it in your eyes you wanted it to! For heaven's sake, Brian! Why did you say those words? Why did you let me go that far if you just wanted to have fun with me? You know I was virgin! You know no one had ever touched me like that! You have any idea of what that night meant to me!?"
Nick stopped for breath before going ahead.
"Oh, no, I forgot you were just having fun! Do the words 'I love you' mean nothing but a game to you? Well, then you fooled me! I thought it wasn't about this... I, I felt something. Something that've never felt before." - Nick's voice was soft now. - "I know we are friends, I know I'm not supposed to have feelings for you, I know this is all wrong! But still... I couldn't help it... I guess... I guess the love I've always had for you is just too strong and big to fit into friendship."
Brian still didn't say a word. Why didn't Nick say it before? He felt the same way.
"Brian, I'm not gay. I'd never do what we did with any other guy. You know me. And I know you. And I should've pictured it all. You just couldn't do whats wrong. I mean, you have to be with Lucy right?" - suddeny Nick felt his anger conming back as he was standing there spiting it all out and Brian still hadn't said a word. - "Well, then you go and be with Lucy, just don't tell her you love her unless you mean it! I won't want you to lose her friendship, like you did to me and..." - Nick was shaking his head in anger.
"Nick." - Brian said softly.
"Don't even start, Brian! I saw you two kissing, I knew that was what you wanted to tell me! I'm ok with that, if you are happy with her! I just wish we hadn't messed up with our friendship! And I... I..." - Nick looked into Brian's eyes. He was crying. - "I HATE YOU!" - Nick screamed.
'Oh, Go what did I say... I made him cry...' - Nick thought. But still he couldn't get himself to say anything else. He was just there. Stuck. 'I made Brian cry...' Nick was feeling guilty, but his eyes kept that frozen look of anger.
"Nick..." - Brian began, tears still dropping over a smile that had just crossed his lips. His voice was trembling but he still mubled something. - "I love you."
Nick's eyes stared at him. His heart raced and he knew he was shaking. He couldn't get his eyes out of his friend's gaze. He couldn't belive what was going on...
"I love you." - Brian repeated.
Oh well... is there anyone reading this? Coz if there isn't I'll stop updating so soon. Its sucks knowing I'm wasting my time to write something for no one to read. Makes me think people lost interest or its not as good. If so let me know and I'll stop.
Lionessy@hotmail.com