A Dozen Black Roses

A DOZEN BLACK ROSES

Act One Scene One

An upmarket restaurant.The lighting is dimmed and candles are flickering on the six tables.

It is Maggie's birthday and Caroline has taken her out for the evening.She has just given her some presents.

MAGGIE This necklace is gorgeous,Caroline and..the book as well.You certainly have spent alot of money on me!

CAROLINE You are worth every penny,darling-and much more besides.Look inside the front cover and you'll see that it is not any old book.

Maggie opens the book and gasps.

MAGGIE It is a first edition and.. personally signed.I am impressed!How did you manage that?

CAROLINE Oh,just much negotiation with the publishing company.My original plan was to buy you a copy of that book Billy Connolly wrote about his travels.You know the one about the television series you watched last year?

MAGGIE 'Journey to the Edge of the World'?

CAROLINE Yes,that's the one-but Billy wasn't playing ball,so to speak -so Headline sent me afew brochures listing books that were about to be published.I spotted this one-and my mind was made up!It is about the Glasgow tenements.I remembered you telling me that you had stayed in one when you were first married.The author was more than happy to sign it for you and..there you are!

MAGGIE You are clever,Caroline-but why two presents?

CAROLINE Well,after all the trouble with Billy the publishers gave it to me as a complimentary copy so,as I said to the marketing assistant on the 'phone,'she can have two presents now'!

MAGGIE Well,thank-you once again.Now let us choose something from this menu-I am starving!

CAROLINE I quite fancy the mussels myself as a starter.They do them in all manner of sauces here-quite delicious!Anything grab your fancy?

MAGGIE Well,you know me-I am not exactly the adventurous type.I think I'll have the smoked haddock souffle for starters and the salmon as a main.

The waiter comes to take their order.

Talking about adventure,I don't suppose either of us will forget your taste of extreme caving back in March!

CAROLINE That's what I like about you.You are always so supportive and encouraging over any new projects or challenges that I fancy trying,however daft.If I remember rightly,that weekend up in Sutherland was the first time I mentioned to anyone that I had a girlfriend.It felt really liberating to be honest with people.I was alittle worried when I started my new job about it all but now it feels so natural and..good!Of course,I never mention any names.

MAGGIE This day and age most people are OK with all that.

CAROLINE I am so glad that you were free to come out tonight.I offered to take you out weeks ago but as usual you were only able to confirm at the last minute.

MAGGIE Well,you know me I have never been much good at planning ahead,especially since Mum had her stroke.Mind you,even before then nobody could have accused me of being organised!

CAROLINE That's true.I recall afew months ago you only gave me thirty minutes notice that you were dropping round on the way back from Duncan's!

MAGGIE Well,my life is not exactly simple at the best of times!I don't know why you put up with me sometimes!

CAROLINE Fishing for compliments again,are we?

MAGGIE Well,no..

CAROLINE You have completed transformed my life,Maggie.Remember what I was like at the office?I wouldn't talk to anybody and apart from my two cats at home I did not really have anyone or anything in my life back then.

MAGGIE You were certainly 'in your shell'-but I just opened the door,really.Your parents suppressed you but now you are your true self.The real you!

CAROLINE You opened the door to 'Paradise' more like!I have never been as happy as I am now.Being in love with you is like having a string of lights around my heart-it's wonderful!

She raises her glass.

Happy Birthday,darling!I love you so very much!

MAGGIE Well,you certainly seem alot happier than you did a year ago.

She too raises her glass.

Ah,good here are our starters.Those mussels do look tasty!

Scene Two

Duncan and Grant's living room.Tastefully furnished in a traditional style.Sounds of Mozart can be heard playing.Evening time.

The two men are seated together on the sofa.There are two full glasses and half a bottle of red wine on the table in front of them.

DUNCAN Well,just two weeks to go now to our big day!Exciting,isn't it?

GRANT Absolutely!I cannot wait to marry you and tell the whole world what a lucky fellow I am!

DUNCAN You are sweet!I am looking forward to meeting your sister Clare.She sounds divine!How is her novel coming along?

GRANT Very well,actually.Of course,she has written dozens of non- fiction books but a first novel is always special.Perhaps you could publish it for her?

DUNCAN Well,darling you know me,always happy to oblige- but if it does not have a gay or lesbian theme then the company will not really be interested in it.It is about soldiers in the Falklands War,isn't it?

GRANT Yes,that's right but.. one or two 'come out'!

DUNCAN Oh,I see..well,in that case let me have a look at the draft and I will see what I can do.Who else are you planning to invite?

GRANT Well,there are several people from work-one or two of my fellow consultants and many of the nurses on Darwin are practically queuing up for an invite!No-one else from the family-David does not exactly approve of me being gay,as you know.

By the way,have you chosen the music for the ceremony and our reception yet?I thought it was a lovely idea of yours to hire a pianist to play in the registrary office and then to have that saxophonist for the evening.

DUNCAN I am glad that you approve!You boldly informed me that 'money was no object' and I can't imagine that I shall ever be doing this again,so I thought we might as well 'splash the cash'!As to my choice of music,well,you will just have to wait and see as long as you promise me the first dance!Let me pop that melody onto the CD player now just so I can make sure that you won't show me up by your lack of skills!

GRANT Cheeky!I bet that I have attended many more formal functions in the past where my natural talents were required than you have had hot dinners!Go and put the song on then and I'll show you just how twinkle-toed I am!

Duncan goes over to the stereo and changes the compact disc.The sound of Bryan Adams' '(Everything I Do) I Do It For You' can be heard.Duncan walks back to the sofa and offers his hand to Grant.

DUNCAN May I,kind sir?

GRANT I don't mind if I do!

He joins Duncan and they dance in a close embrace until the music stops.Both resume their places on the sofa.

DUNCAN(slightly breathless) Now where were we?Oh,yes-we were talking about your loyal fan club! It does sound like you have practically a harem at the hospital.You will be telling me that you have a foot in both camps next!

GRANT You must be joking!The very thought of all those breasts and squeaky voices.I did sleep with a woman once but then I acquired more sophisticated tastes.When I think back to all those lazy evenings I spent at 'Steamworks'....

DUNCAN Does anything ever go on in those establishments?

GRANT By 'go on',do you mean sex?!

DUNCAN Well,yes.

GRANT Most of the time one just sits around chatting-with or without a towel tied around one's waist- but on the odd occasion,I did lock eyes with someone and we discreetly retired to one of the cubicles the management so kindly provide!I met one chap there who I just could not get out of my mind.We saw each other afew times before he had an attack of the conscience and tottered back to his wife!

DUNCAN Oh,so he was bisexual then?Did you love him?

GRANT Yes,he did bat for both sides.So many married men do even if they do not admit it to themselves.Give me a man who has not gazed over at another chap's member whilst standing at a urinal or who has not let his gaze drop whilst showering after a rugby match!

DUNCAN That may be so but-did you fall for him?

GRANT Yes,I did-but since meeting you I realise that my feelings for him were mere infatuations,not the deep love that I thought I felt for him at the time.

DUNCAN What do you mean by that?

GRANT Well,the love I have for you-and the overwhelming pride that I feel when I think or refer to you as 'my boyfriend'-overshadows and dwarfs any feelings that I had for him-or anyone else for that matter.I love you so very much,Duncan!

DUNCAN(teasingly) And what is it about me that you love so much?

GRANT Well,it is not your dress sense for starters!If those jeans had any more holes in them we could sell them as fishing nets!

DUNCAN I caught you in them so they cannot be all that bad!But seriously,what is it about me that you find so terribly attractive?I know I am a fantastic lover-but,asides from that..

GRANT Modest,as always!I don't really know...

Duncan's hand slides towards Grant's crotch and lingers over the obvious bulge.

GRANT(in mock horror) What are you upto?

DUNCAN Well,you know what they say,'actions speak louder than words'!

He slowly unbuttons Grant's flies and slides his hand inside.

Grant sighs and takes Duncan into his arms,kissing him deeply.

He pulls back slightly.

GRANT(heavy with emotion) Now I know why I love you so much!

Duncan teases Grant's penis from its lair and runs his hand up and down the shaft afew times.It becomes fully erect and Grant gasps as Duncan slides off the sofa onto his knees and teasingly licks the head.

He takes it into his mouth and slides his lips down to the shaft,slowly picking up the tempo.This continues for several delicious minutes.

GRANT(gasping) Of all the men I have had,you certainly give the best head!

DUNCAN(coming up for air) Watch it,sweetheart,you know I am the of the jealous persuasion and..you are in a very vulnerable position at the moment!

He squeezes the shaft tightly.

GRANT Ouch,I get the message!Why don't you climb back up here and I will relief the pressure that seems to be building up in your jeans?

Duncan stands up and unbuttons his jeans,sliding them down his thighs.The fabric of his underpants are straining at the crotch just at Grant's eyelevel.

Grant stares hungrily and quickly the pants join the jeans around Duncan's ankles.

Duncan's penis is almost touching his umbilicus.Grant begins to suck on him with a terrible passion.

DUNCAN Be careful,big boy.I shall be needing that on my wedding night!

GRANT(stopping what he is doing for the moment,growls) I'm not going to bite it off,for God's sake!

He increases his rhythm-and after a minute or two Duncan lets out a yell of pleasure.

Grant hastily pulls a handkerchief out of his trouser pocket and catches the stream of semen in it.He places the item gingerly on the carpet to the side of the sofa.

Duncan,his penis still quivering,laughs.

DUNCAN You and your precious furniture!

GRANT(looking sheepish) Sorry but I can?t help it!

You have shot your load,so to speak.Blimey,I sound just like you!

Look at my poor member throbbing like..

DUNCAN(turning away from Grant,having kicked away his clothes and shoes) My cute little bottom could sort that out,no problem!

He lowers himself down to the floor and on all fours presents his posterior to Grant.

Still fully dressed with just his penis sticking semi-erect out of his flies,Grant kneels down behind his fiance,pulls at his member a couple of times and then places his tongue over Duncan?s already puckering anus.

He licks around the orifice whilst his right hand stretches round to cup Duncan?s testicles.He runs his hand down his shaft.

Duncan moans loudly.

DUNCAN God,you?ll have be coming again before you?ve even started!

Take me,baby.I want to fill that gorgeous prick of yours deep inside me!

Grant grins and concentrates.He straightens and places the tip of his penis at the entry of Duncan?s rectum.

DUNCAN Take me to Nirvana,darling!

Grant steels himself and pushes his penis forcefully home.He pulls back slightly and then his full shaft is buried deeply within Duncan.

DUNCAN(between breaths) Let me feel your balls banging against my arse!

Grant,reddening in the face continues to drive his member in and out of Duncan?s bottom,his testicles indeed slapping against his fiance?s buttocks.

DUNCAN Don?t pull out,come inside me.

God,I think I?m coming too!

Grant thrusts one more time and collapses over Duncan,breathing heavily.

Duncan shudders too and as Grant?s now flagging member slips out of his bottom he turns and takes him in his arms.They kiss for a long time and then settle on the floor resting against the front of the sofa leaning against each other.

GRANT Blimey,that?s my exercise done for afew days.

Duncan grins at him and places a tender kiss on his forehead.

GRANT(looking down at Duncan?s penis which is still semi-erect) I thought you said you were going to come-or is that you up and ready again?!

DUNCAN(stroking his member gently) I did come but not in that way.I was reading online the other day about prostatic orgasms and..well,I think I just had one!

I feel wonderful-so peaceful.You certainly did the trick!

GRANT I am so pleased,darling.I love you,sweetheart.

They both stand up and adjust their clothing and settle back onto the sofa.

Now where were we?

Pause

Oh,yes.You were asking me what I found so attractive about you.

Well,sometimes it is just the chemistry between two people.I look around at our works dos at my colleagues' husbands or wives and often wonder how so-and-so actually got together.Look at your friend Maggie,for example.How did she ever become invovled with Andrew?They seem so unsuited!

DUNCAN I really could not comment on that,seeing as I have never met him.He is always away checking out some new business venture or other on the odd occasion that I go up to Stirling to see Maggie.You met them both at the estate agency when we were completing the paperwork on this place,didn't you?

GRANT Yes,that's right.You were tied up at work if I remember rightly.Andrew popped into the office to give Maggie a lift home seeing as how her car was out of action at the garage.

DUNCAN What was he like?

GRANT Andrew?

DUNCAN Well,yes.

GRANT Interesting face.I did not really look any closer,seeing as I only had eyes for you at the time!We had just decided to move in together so I was not likely to be ogling other men,was I?

DUNCAN I suppose not.

GRANT It should be me questioning you over your choice of 'husband',really.You have had many more partners than me.You must be one of Gaydar's best customers!

DUNCAN Maybe once.You know how much I used to hate just dropping into a gay bar in the hope of scoring for the night.Sometimes I did see a guy I fancied but I got so tongue tied and nervous by the time I had plucked up the courage to ask him out he had moved onto another target!

GRANT I can quite imagine!

DUNCAN Cruising along by that canal up by the industrial estate at the far side of town was not much better.I spotted a man there once who did look rather promising.All his muscles were in the right places-if you get my meaning!I sidled up to him and discreetly suggested he might like to join me for a stroll-there were some toilets open afew hundred yards from there back then-but instead of an eager grin I felt an enormous fist in my face!

GRANT He was not gay,I guess!

DUNCAN No,just a bodybuilder out for some fresh air.How was I to know?He looked queer!

GRANT I have always blessed my parents-God rest their souls!-for endowing me with conventional looks.I could be standing in a room full of so-called straight guys and no-one would ever suspect I prefer gentlemen rather than ladies whereas as yourself,well..

DUNCAN(in a falsetto voice) Whatever do you mean?

GRANT Well,nobody could ever accuse you of being macho,darling!

DUNCAN You would not have me any other way!

GRANT Very true!Come on,it is getting late!I have an early start in the morning and Maggie is coming over at nine to take you and Oliver to that blasted cat show.

DUNCAN Good job you reminded me,darling.What with everything going on,I had quite forgotten about the club show.It is fortunate that like me Oliver always looks his best!

GRANT If you say so!Just remember to mention Clare's book when you drop into the office after it is all over.Just think what an impression you will make as her future brother-in-law if your boss argrees to publish it.

DUNCAN I will do my best.Now,let's go to bed and you can tell me again how wonderful I am!!

They both exit .

SCENE THREE

Maggie and Andrew's kitchen.Alittle untidy but clean.Early evening the following day.The faint sounds of 'Queen' can be heard in the background.

A cat is curled up on a chair in the corner of the room,gently purring.

Maggie is preparing supper for herself and Duncan,chopping vegetables on the worktop to the right of the stove.

Duncan is perched at the breakfast bar to the right of the stage,sipping his Gin and Tonic.

DUNCAN Well,Oliver seems content.I can hear him purring from here!

MAGGIE That is what winning 'best cat in show' does for you.It is a good job I got to your place early this morning and cast a critical eye over you both-as well as a brush!

DUNCAN(laughing) Thank-you for that-and for looking after him while I was at work this afternoon.It seemed silly for us to drive all the way back to Edinburgh when you were cooking supper for us here tonight.If it wasn't for Grant working at the Royal Infirmary we would probably have bought a house nearer to Stirling.I could have come over to see you more often then rather than you always having to drive to Edinburgh.Travelling all that way by bus can be so demoralizing!

I will never understand why you don't show your two gorgeous felines.Their pedigrees are almost as perfect as Oliver's.

MAGGIE Not that 'old chestnut'!Olivia and Archie just prefer to curl up on my lap-they can't be doing with all that kerfuffle,any more than I can.

DUNCAN Andrew is away so much nowadays you need something to cuddle up with.Where is he this evening?

MAGGIE Oh,I think he is 'down south' somewhere.Celtic Ceramics is always looking to increase its retail outlets in England.

DUNCAN I hope you will both be free a week Saturday.Something rather fabulous will be happening at a certain registry office in town.

MAGGIE How could I forget?You have been talking about little else ever since Grant asked you to marry him!

DUNCAN You must be fed up hearing about it.So,what have you been upto since we last met?

MAGGIE Just a minute,Duncan.Let me pop this casserole into the oven and then we will have afew minutes for us to talk properly before I need to make a start on the desert.

DUNCAN What are we having?

MAGGIE Well,I thought I would make one of my trademark chocolate souffles,seeing as that is your favourite.How does that sound?

DUNCAN My mouth is watering already.You do seem alittle on edge this evening.I thought perhaps something was not quite right.

MAGGIE(sitting down across from Duncan) Everything is fine,really.I am probably worrying over nothing but..

DUNCAN Go on,do tell!

MAGGIE I hope you don't think that I am losing the plot-but a friend of mine reckons she has fallen in love with me!

DUNCAN Wow,so you are joining the queer club with me then after all!!

MAGGIE This is no laughing matter,Duncan.She refers to me as 'her girlfriend' and seems absolutely besotted with me!

DUNCAN Oh,right.So,where did you meet this person?What is her name?Strange that you have never mentioned her before.

MAGGIE I wanted to tell you but I had to sort my own feelings out first.The problem is that I think I might be falling for her too!

To answer your questions,her name is Caroline.She used to work at the estate agency,sitting at the desk opposite mine but she left there last year to join a mortgage firm in town.She only stays two miles away from here and we used to go out for a drink together on a Friday.

DUNCAN What's she like then?Older or younger than you?

MAGGIE She's just turned fifty.I suppose you would describe her as alittle old fashioned but conversely she is also into extreme sports!She went caving up in Sutherland this March and is always up to something new.

DUNCAN You said you might be falling for her.I always thought you were strictly 'hetero',Maggie.It comes as quite a shock, all this!

MAGGIE I can imagine!I don't know,really.I guess she just makes me feel appreciated and special.

DUNCAN Has she kissed you yet?

MAGGIE Not exactly.When we say hello or goodbye to each other,if you see what I mean I make a point of turning my head to one side so her lips always land up on the edge of my mouth.I must be getting better as once upon a time my cheek were their usual destination!

DUNCAN Do you reckon she would kiss you properly if you allowed her to?

MAGGIE Probably-but I guess it is me who has the hang-ups.

DUNCAN What do you mean?Do you know for sure if she is actually lesbian or bisexual?Perhaps she just regards you as a close friend-and does not fancy you at all.Mine you,if ladies floated my boat I would have you under that duvet before you could say,'Hurrah for Oscar Wilde'!

MAGGIE I can tell that is not your first gin and tonic of the evening!To be honest,I am not a hundred per cent sure.I know she has been married in the past and was dating guys up until last Christmas but she informed me months ago that now that she has me in her life there is no need for that anymore.I am pretty certain that if we met up as often now as when we were working together then our relationship would have passed the platonic stage-but as I said I am not sure.

DUNCAN It sounds to me,Maggie that you are just scared of finding out.Why not let her kiss you and just see what happens?You might discover your true self!

MAGGIE As usual,Duncan you are probably right.I often find myself thinking about Caroline when I am in the house on my own which nowadays is quite often.She compliments me on how I look and is always inquiring after the family.She has been so supportive since Mum had her stroke and really seems to understand about my domestic situation.I just feel guilty that I am even contemplating a physical relationship with her.I am happily married,after all!

DUNCAN I am aware that you have been with Andrew for fifteen years-which is more than you would get for murder nowadays-but can you really stand-or should I say 'perch' there-and tell me in all honesty that you are still in a state of marital bliss?

MAGGIE Well,we have our moments but- our lovelife is not what it was!

DUNCAN Can't the old man get it up anymore then?Mind you compared to my Grant any guy would feel inadequate in that department!

MAGGIE You are awlful,Duncan but once again you have hit the proverbial nail on its head.He comes across as very loving at first but by the time we reach the bedroom his thoughts seem to be elsewhere.Maybe he just does not fancy me anymore.

DUNCAN If I was in your shoes,darling-but I leave all that to the gender benders!-I would give Caroline a chance.She obviously loves you very much and I was always lead to believe that if someone tells you that they are 'in' love with you then that means that ultimately they want to take you to bed.Myself,I could not do without an erect member or two to tantalize my tastebuds-but I have heard that despite the obvious lack of phallus lesbian sex can be very satisfying.I bet Caroline makes a much better job of sucking your nipples than Andrew does!!

MAGGIE Duncan,you are outrageous-but I get your point.I really ought to find more time to see her,anyway.It was eleven weeks last time-and I think Caroline found our long separation very difficult-as did I if I am honest with myself.Let us get your long awaited wedding out of the way, then I shall invite her over for supper one evening.I had better make sure that it is a night that Andrew is away just in case we do end up in bed together,doing rather more than just sucking nipples!

DUNCAN See,you do fancy her!I shall wait with bated breath for news of any developments.

MAGGIE(going over to the worktop) Damn,I have forgotten to make that souffle after all that chat.Would you be happy with some ice-cream out of the freezer instead?Otherwise it will be midnight before we sit down to eat and that casserole will be only be fit for Oliver's supper!

DUNCAN Ice-cream will be fine but Maggie,come and sit back down a minute.You are not the only one with something to confess.

MAGGIE Oh,so that is why you have been knocking back those G and Ts like water.What have you been upto now?

DUNCAN I don't know where to start,really.There's you all in a bother about fancying your friend Caroline and frantically trying to resist temptation whilst I have already succumbed to my lusty urges!

MAGGIE Blimey!Surely you have not been unfaithful to Grant?You are always going on about his prowess as a lover so I presumed that all your ?lusty urges? were well and truly taken care of!

DUNCAN Usually they are-but six months ago I had a blazing argument with him and I started sleeping in the spare room.He just threw himself even more into his work and refused to speak to me...

MAGGIE Go on.

DUNCAN(taking a large gulp of his drink) One evening he was at that damn hospital again and I just cracked.You know before I met him I used to surf the gay sites if I was in the need of some gentlemanly attention,so to speak?

MAGGIE Yes,I was always worried when you told me that you were going off to meet your latest contact.I suppose you found someone that evening,did you?

DUNCAN I feel most ashamed to admit it but yes,I found this guy who said he was away from home on business and was looking for a younger man to spend the night with.We exchanged a couple of e-mails and then I arranged to meet him the following evening at his hotel.

MAGGIE What was he like then?I must admit I am still reeling from this.I know you used to ?play the field?,so to speak but I can hardly believe that just because you weren?t sleeping with Grant you had to go and find someone else.I always find that masturbation works for me,especially now that I have Caroline as well as Andrew to fantastise about!By God,perhaps I really am turning into a lesbian-well,a bisexual at least!

DUNCAN I think you probably are,Maggie-but funny you mention ?bisexual?-Gavin informed me he was of that persuasion afew minutes after we met.

MAGGIE Do you think that was his real name then?Was he about to get married too?

DUNCAN OK,no need for sarcasm.I feel bad enough already.We did not talk very much,seeing as neither of us was just out for a chat..

MAGGIE Quite!

DUNCAN He just told me he was unattached,that he had had a brief experience in a public toilet several years ago which he now considered to be rather sordid but that he was just unable to forget the thrill of it all.He said he was surfing the ?net? one evening and came across Gaydar and was kind of pulled in.

MAGGIE Right-so did you satisfy his cravings then.Hell,that sounds bad!I assume from your guilty look that you both achieved what you were looking for.

DUNCAN I hate to say this this,Maggie and not wishing to offend your sensibilities but he was red hot!He could not keep his hands off me and although he was obviously inexperienced he even wanted to try anal and..boy,did he come or did he come?!

MAGGIE OK,that is more than enough information!Did you see him again after your ?glorious night of passion??

DUNCAN At the time I made it very clear to him-or so I thought-that it was to be a ?one-off? but daft as I am I had already given him my mobile number and he rang me the next day.We met up again several times when he was in Edinburgh,always in hotels.God,he was insatiable.I have always regarded myself as having alot of stamina but for a man in his fifties he could certainly beat me every time!

MAGGIE He didn?t,did he?

DUNCAN What?

MAGGIE Beat you?

DUNCAN Good God,no!I might be cheap but I am not into all that sado-masochistic stuff.No,we just had good old fashioned gay sex which was fantastic at the time-but Maggie,I felt so bad afterwards!At home Grant was being so sweet,apologising for getting angry with me even though it was ninety per cent my fault,anyway.I was scared that he would smell him on me even though I was always careful to shower afterwards.I just had to tell Gavin it was over.

MAGGIE And how did the ?stud? take it?

DUNCAN I never realised you could be sosarcastic,Maggie.I have really disgusted you,haven?t I?

MAGGIE Like I said before I am in a state of shock.I presume you have never told Grant about this?

DUNCAN Gavin took my news surprisingly well.He said he just regarded me as a sex object and he was sure that he would find some other young man to satisfy his needs!

MAGGIE Nice.

DUNCAN Grant doesn?t know but the guilt is eating me up.How the hell can I stand side by side with him next week in front of the registrar,knowing that but afew weeks before I was allowing another man to take advantage of me?

MAGGIE Advantage of you?I did not realise how weak you were before now.You must tell Grant tomorrow.Anyone can tell how besotted he is with you-not that you deserve him-but maybe if you play it carefully he might forgive you.He always seemed a very generous man to me.Promise me you will tell him!God,if I even suspected that Andrew was ever playing around with another woman- or a man- I would be devastated.He might not be the most attentive of husbands-but he is mine!

DUNCAN(close to tears) Thank-you for listening,Maggie and yes,I will sit him down tomorrow after work and confess my guilty secret.It will be one hell of a weight off my mind,I can tell you.I have been such a fool to risk everything just because I could not keep my fly zipped up.Next time I shall take your advice and buy one of those top shelf magazines instead!

MAGGIE OK.Look, I am sorry if I was too harsh with you.It certainly has been a night of confessions,as it not?Let?s sit and eat-if that casserole is not completely ruined.Relationships are so damn difficult at times but I suppose life would be alot duller without them!

Maggie goes over to the oven and carries their supper to the breakfast bar.They both settle down to their meal.

Good luck with tomorrow,Duncan.I am sure everything will be fine in the end.

DUNCAN(raising his glass) To Love and Friendship-and future Nipple Licking!

MAGGIE God,you are awlful,Duncan!

Lights fade out.

ACT TWO SCENE ONE

Setting as Act One Scene One.Mid-evening.Duncan and Grant are having a blazing row,facing each other across their lounge.

GRANT(shouting) What the hell were you thinking of?You were the one accusing me of infidelity so I suppose you decided to take your revenge by sleeping with someone else,did you?

DUNCAN(in a low voice) No,it was not like that.I just got jealous.You were spending so much time at the hospital,I was sat here on my own imagining all kinds of things and then you refused to let me into the bedroom.

GRANT(sarcastically) Poor old Duncan!There I was working all hours,sometimes twenty out of twenty-four to bring home enough money to pay for this oh,so expensive house-which you insisted we bought-and..you had the audacity to suggest that I was having an affair!How exactly could I fit all that in between ward rounds,operating on all those patients and teaching-may I say at times-rather daft students?

DUNCAN I know and I am so sorry- but you are so damn goodlooking,there are all those young men hanging onto your every word -you would have be mad not to fall for their charms!

GRANT ?Hanging onto my every word??God,I hope they were-I am a consultant at a teaching hospital-they are supposed to listen and take notice of me or otherwise what would be the point?

DUNCAN I just got jealous!

GRANT But why?What is to say that ?those young men?were interested in me,anyway?I am ten years older than most of them and I am sure that very few are actually gay.I think you must be confusing medical students with male nurses.

DUNCAN So,you fancied one or two members of the nursing staff,did you?

GRANT(shouting)NO!I love you so what the hell would I be doing ogling them,even if I did have the time.I know we had a blazing row but despite all your explanations at the time I failed to understand even then your deep sense of insecurity.I would almost say that you have an inferiority complex!

DUNCAN(meekly) Maybe I have.I don?t know.Perhaps I just cannot really believe or understand why you fell in love with me in the first place.I am not exactly a premium catch,am I?

GRANT To be honest,after your revelations this evening I am beginning to wonder why I did.Ok,so we had had a row and were not sleeping together but I am sure all couples,gay and straight have arguments.Why,oh why did you feel the need to go off and have sex with someone else?Despite your suspicions,I managed to keep my fly zipped up so why couldn?t you?I would have thought that considering how close we were to breaking up the last thing on your mind would have been getting your end away.I could not even get an erection during that week.We were barely communicating!

DUNCAN I feel really bad,Grant but I suppose we all deal with things in different ways.I do love you,you know.It was only sex after all.

GRANT Only sex?We are supposed to be getting married next week-and we have been living together for two years.Does that not mean anything to you?

DUNCAN Of course,it does.I so want to spend the rest of my life with you.

GRANT Well,you have a funny way of showing it.OK,let us start from the beginning.Just explain to me slowly-it has been a long day-why you imagined that I was having an affair in the first place.

They both sit down on the sofa.

DUNCAN Well,like I said before all those young men at work...

GRANT That does not make any sense.I explained to you months ago that the love and affection that I have for you completely obliterates and almost makes a mockery of any feelings that I have had for other men in the past.You know that I have never made a fuss about my sexuality.To me being gay is no different to Peter next door,for example being straight.Only my close work colleagues know I have a boyfriend,not because,I hasten to add-before you interrupt-because I am embarrassed or ashamed-but it is just none of their business.Do you understand what I am saying?

DUNCAN Well,yes but you have such a high sex drive that I am always worried that I am not enough for you-and look at me-you a successful consultant and me,just a lowly editor of a small niche publishing company.Why wouldn?t you want more?

GRANT God,you do have an inferiority complex.I entered into a relationship with you voluntarily,didn?t I?You or anyone else for that matter did not force my hand.I saw you in that bar after the show and felt a nervous excitement.

DUNCAN Did you fancy me-even then?

GRANT Of course,I did.Otherwise why would I have given you my telephone number?(Becoming agitated)Look,I have had enough of this.What ever it was we dated,didn?t we and declared our love for each other?

Duncan nods.

So,did you never believe that I loved you?

DUNCAN I believed that you loved me but just that I was not enough for you.

GRANT So,you could not trust me to stay faithful to you then?

DUNCAN I don?t know,Grant.I am in such a mess!

GRANT To the extent that you had to go and have sex with another man-or was it MEN?

DUNCAN It was just Gavin.I did not sleep with anyone else.

GRANT(sarcastically) Oh,well that?s all right then.

DUNCAN Like I said before,I am so sorry.I just don?t know what came over me.

GRANT I think what it all boils down to is that you and I regard sex completely differently.

DUNCAN What do you mean?

GRANT Well,you seem or seemed so concerned that due to my so-called ?high sex drive',although I do not consider myself to be anymore rampant than the next guy you feel inadequate and convinced,despite my protestations of love,offer of marriage and argreeing to buy this house with you that I will be off with the next attractive man that comes along.Is that right?

DUNCAN I suppose so.

GRANT I have always thought of sex as simply an expression of love for the other person where as you seem to look upon the activity as some sort of sport or hobby.

DUNCAN May be.

GRANT You are not being very forthcoming in your answers,Duncan.How the hell are we going to sort all this sorry mess out if you won?t open up?

DUNCAN I?m sorry.

GRANT(becoming frustrated and angry) What I don?t get is why you carried on seeing this man.Once might just be almost understandable but you had sex with him,how many times?

DUNCAN Please stop shouting.I saw him perhaps half a dozen times.It was meant to be a ?one-off? but he kept ringing me.

GRANT And you just kept running to him,I suppose.Hell,thinking about it,you and I were sleeping together again by that stage so..you were having us both at the same time.You should have suggested he came over to the house and then you would not have had to change beds!We could have taken turns to slip our members up your posterior-or did he let you take him?

DUNCAN Please don?t be like this.I appreciate that you are angry but you are like a different person.It is not like you to be so crude!

GRANT ?Don?t be like this??How exactly did you expect me to react?I get accused of having an affair months ago-I felt like I was about to lose the man I love.I tried to take on board your insecurities and reassure you that you are-and always will be-the only person that I need in my life.Fool as I am,I think that all that unpleasantness is behind us and allow myself to imagine that we will spend the rest of our lives together.Despite us previously cancelling our engagment,I ask you to marry me again,we plan the ceremony and..then you come out with your ?guilty secret? tonight.Did you think I would just say,?That?s OK,darling?,let?s just forget that my fiance has had sex on numerous occasions with another man.

(shouting)How did you think I would react?

DUNCAN(sobbing)I am so sorry,I am so sorry.

GRANT If I hear those pathetic words again,I shall walk out.Do you realise that you have broken my heart?You might as well have used one of my scalpels and cut it out of my chest,sliced it into dozens of pieces and fed it to that stupid cat of yours!

DUNCAN(now on his knees with his head in his arms on the sofa) I am sorry,I am sorry..

Grant walks out.Duncan looks up and watches him leave the room.

The front door is heard to be opened and slammed shut again.Duncan slips onto the floor and only his jagged breaths can be heard.

Oliver until now out of sight approaches his prone figure warily.Duncan looks up at him and takes him into his arms.Oliver purrs contently as Duncan?s sobs grow louder.

Lights fade to black.

ACT TWO SCENE TWO

Two days later-late morning.Door to left of stage.

The lounge of Steve's flat in which Grant has been staying in since he left Duncan.A bed has been made up on the sofa.The room is in a mess with an empty bottle of wine and the remnants of an Indian take-away strewn on the floor.

Grant is pacing around the room,nervously and repeatedly checking his watch.

There is a knock at the door.

Grant opens it forcefully but quickly moves back into the room.

Duncan enters and rushes to him but he backs away.

DUNCAN(close to tears) Please Grant,don't!You did argree to see me when I rang earlier.We really need to sort out this terrible mess.

GRANT(angry) ..Of your making!And you're late.You said you would be here at 10.00.

DUNCAN I know but work insisted I drop in for a couple of hours when I called them first thing.I am so sorry!

GRANT Oh,for God's sake don't start all that apologising again.I had another of that at the week-end.You are the one who wants to talk.Have you something new to say in your defence?

DUNCAN Well,not as such..

GRANT So,why did you almost beg me on the 'phone to come over here this morning?Did you think that I would have forgotten all about your sordid little affair in just two days?

DUNCAN Hardly!It is not something either of us are ever likely to be able to erase from our memories.I just wanted to see you again-and to ask for your forgiveness.

GRANT And why would I give you that?

DUNCAN Because you love me and what we have between us is too good just to be thrown away.

GRANT Well,to be honest Duncan I am not sure if I do love you anymore.You don't trust me around other men-even if they are straight-and you seem happy to slip into bed with any man who is prepared to listen to your sob stories!

DUNCAN Now you are exaggerating.I only slept with one man which I now deeply regret.If I could turn back the clock..

GRANT Come on,don't give me that old cliche.'One man' is one more than me,not as you would believe that!

DUNCAN(walking over to the sofa) Look,love why don't we sit down and talk about this properly.I have done alot of navel gazing since you left...

GRANT(perching on the end of the sofa) Go on.

DUNCAN(clearing a space and sitting down at the far end ) OK.You have made it very clear that you don't wish me to keep apologising so I shall try my best to not say 'sorry'-but despite what you said earlier I do believe that you still love me and like myself would rather that we put all this sorry mess behind us than split up.

GRANT And what has given you that idea?

DUNCAN Well,for starters- look at this place!At home you are always so meticulous.I am the untidy one.You haven't shaved-or washed(sniffing in Grant's direction)-and by the state of this floor I am taking an educated guess that you have been consuming rather more than your usual daily glass of wine!

GRANT I'm in a mess,I cannot deny that.Steve had to go away on family business this week so I have been here on my own just thinking about things.I just could not make any sense out of it all- so starting on Steve's drink supply seemed as good a plan as any.

DUNCAN Why didn't you ring me-at work or home?I have tried to call you several times but the 'phone just rang out.Now that I know Steve was away-and seeing what a state you are in,that makes sense.

GRANT You broke my heart,Duncan when you dropped your bombshell on Sunday.I was so shocked to find out that you had slept with another man.I thought after that argument we had months back that we were solid but now..

DUNCAN We are solid,darling.I just had to tell you about Gavin.There was no way I could stand with you in front of that registrar next Saturday with all that guilt whirling around in my mind.I regretted what I did as soon as I woke up the following morning in Gavin's bed.

GRANT And yet,you saw him again several times after that.That is what I don't understand.Like I said at home,once just might be excusable but to then carry on seeing him.I just cannot get my head around that!

DUNCAN Neither can I!I suppose I felt pressurised.Gavin was so needy-he kept ringing and almost begged me to meet up with him.

GRANT(sarcastically) You'll be saying next that you did it for medicinal purposes,like a kind of therapy!

DUNCAN Please don't be like that.I was under some sort of illusion,anyway.When I did eventually tell him that it was over he didn't seem to give a damn.He said that he just regarded me as a 'sex object' and that he would soon find another 'young man to satisfy his needs'!

GRANT And you risked everything for that?In a way,I could understand it if you had fallen for him-or vice versa-but it sounds like he just used you!

DUNCAN Or maybe I used him!I don't know.Like you said before,I tend to regard-or should I say,regarded-sex as a hobby.I understand now why me stating that it was 'just sex' on Sunday did not exactly help my case.I guess my past has been rather more sordid than yours-not as that is much of an excuse,I know.

GRANT And how do you regard it now?

DUNCAN As an expression of love!That was one of the many things I have been pondering over since you left.I seriously believe now that even if-and God hope this never happens-you had an accident and were laid up in hospital for weeks on end I would never even go online and ogle the gay sites!

GRANT Well,I suppose that is some sort of improvement!I guess nobody could dispute your commitment.Have you been talking to that friend of yours again?

DUNCAN What makes you say that?

GRANT Well,you are coming out with stuff,albeit admirable that I have never heard before.I would have no objection if you had.I always rather admired Maggie-for putting up with that husband of hers-if nothing else!

DUNCAN I have never met Andrew but yes,it was Maggie who persuaded me to tell you about Gavin.I had supper over at her place the day before I told you,you know after the cat show?

GRANT Oh,yes.I do remember now.I must have drunk more of that wine than I thought.What did she have to say about it all then?

DUNCAN She was as disgusted and shocked as you were.She could not understand,anymore than you why I didn't just buy a top shelf magazine from the corner shop and 'do my own thing',so to speak!

GRANT Quite!She's certainly got her head glued on the right way round.I did not realise you two talked about such intimate matters!

DUNCAN I do find it easy to discuss subjects with her of a deeply personal nature.I suppose it is a bit like a straight man having a best mate,although obviously that person would be male and from the little I know of the heterosexual world they don't talk about their feelings like Maggie and I do.I think she prefers having a gay man as a best friend rather than a woman.

GRANT What makes you say that?

DUNCAN Well,after I had blurted out my guilty secret..

GRANT I am glad you told me,by the way!Did Maggie have some confession of her own to make then?

DUNCAN Kind of.It turns out that an ex-work colleague of hers has declared her undying love!

GRANT No way!I have always assumed Maggie was strictly 'hetero'.

DUNCAN That is what I said to her when she told me.She has feelings for this woman too but is in a bit of a quandry as to how to proceed.You know,in regards to Andrew,let alone admitting to herself that she might be just a tiny bit bisexual!

GRANT Quite!Anyway,enough of Maggie for now,although I guess I should be thanking her,really.Without her intervention,albeit indirect you and I would be calling it a day by now!

DUNCAN So,does that mean you are giving me another chance?

GRANT I guess it does.You have not been the only one 'navel gazing' over the last couple of days.I do love you,Duncan,otherwise I would never have argreed to you coming over here.The only time that I would have seen you would have been to collect my belongings from the house.You do drive me crazy sometimes-and please believe me that if I ever find out that you have been unfaithful to me again then that will be it-but you also drive me wild with desire.I can see why Gaven found you so irresistible!

DUNCAN(moving along the sofa towards Grant) Thank God for that!I really did think that I had lost you.I do trust you implicitly.Even if all your work colleagues were gay I know deep in my heart that you would never be tempted to stray-and I in turn-will take Maggie's advice if for some reason in the future you ban me from our bedroom again!

The two men stand and embrace each other warmly.Breaking away slightly,Grant kisses Duncan on the lips.He responds and they tumble back onto the sofa,tangled in each others arms.

GRANT I want you so badly!

Grant tugs Duncan's T-shirt over his head and throws it across the room.

Just for a second his mouth lingers over his left nipple and then he sucks frantically on the nub,whilst simultaneously unzipping Duncan's fly and bringing his semi-erect member out into the open.

DUNCAN(gasping) I know I drive you crazy but I have never seen you this wild with desire before.Maybe we should fall out every week!

Grant has been gorging himself on Duncan's penis,sliding his lips up and down its shaft at a furious pace.

He withdraws and starts sucking on his right nipple,just pausing...

GRANT I'm five years older than you,remember.I can't take another week like this.

For God's sake,just keep your tackle squirreled away when I?m not around,OK?

I can give you anything your perverted mind dreams up!

He kisses his way down Duncan?s body,encircling his navel with his tongue.

DUNCAN Oh,my darling.I solemnly promise to be true and constant,both in my love and desires.

He grabs Grant and wrestles him onto the floor.

He releases his now throbbing penis and starts to suck it tenderly as Grant feasts on his member-in the conventional ?sixty-nine? position.Grant remains fully dressed but in the wrestle Duncan has shed the remainder of his clothes.

Duncan is close to ejaculation.He pulls away from Grant?s crotch and wraps his arms around the top of his legs.

Grant swallows the semen as it pumps into his mouth.

He turns his head towards Duncan,grinning.

GRANT Just saving the furniture!

Duncan grabs him and then hug each fiercely both on their knees.

DUNCAN What I am going to do with you?

GRANT Well,for starters or perhaps we are on the desert by now..I want to give you another of those prostatic orgasms you could not stop raving about last week.

DUNCAN And I thought it was me who had all the making up to do!

Funny you should manage that,though.I did do alittle more research and I gather if I lie on my back-like this...

He scoots himself afew inches away from Grant,still completely naked,his penis starting to wilt.Lying flat on his back,he lifts his legs over towards his head,exposing his anus to Grant.He tugs at his penis afew times and it returns to its erect state.

Now,come over here,big boy and..take me to Heaven!

Grant blushes and kneels by Duncan?s buttocks.He dribbles saliva onto his anus and massages it.

He runs his hand up and down his own penis afew times and then drives it firmly into Duncan?s rectum.

Oh,my God!

Grant?s testicles slap against his fiance?s buttocks as he plunges in and out,building up an easy but furious pace.

Yes,yes,yes!You?ve done it again.Here I come!

Grant pulls out and shoots semen in a long stream over Duncan?s back..

They collapse together in a heap.

GRANT Be rest assured that our bed sheets will always bear the scorches of our passions-long after we are married!

They embrace and kiss passionately.

DUNCAN Oh,darling,I do love you so very much!

Lights fade to darkness.

ACT THREE SCENE ONE

The day of the Civil Partnership Ceremony.

Door to the left of the stage.The Registrar's table is down centre stage with five rows of chairs at upper centre stage.A pianist sits at his instrument stage right.

The registrary office is full of people,chatting excitedly centre stage.There is an air of expectation.

Maggie and Grant's sister Clare enter,having just acted as witnesses.They walk over to Andrew and introductions are made.They then go to stand by the table.Clare has the two rings in her handbag.

The Registrar enters the room and takes his position behind his table with his back to the audience.

The pianist starts playing 'The Look of Love' as Grant and Duncan enter, both wearing white suits.Duncan spots his ex-lover 'Gavin' among the guests.He pales,realising his true identity.

They go and stand in front of the Registrar facing the audience.

REGISTRAR We welcome you here today on this very special occasion of deep significance for Grant and Duncan.Today they will affirm their love and publicly declare their commitment to each other.Please feel free to take any photographs before the ceremony begins but then I ask you to refrain from using your cameras and video recorders until after the proceedings have finished.Also please wait until the happy couple have left the room before throwing any confetti.Your co-operation in these matters is greatly appreciated.

Duncan in a state of shock twists around to take a second glance at Andrew,not quite believing that he has in fact slept with his best friend's husband.

GRANT(whispering) What's the matter?

DUNCAN(addressing the Registrar) Excuse me,can we have afew minutes please?There is something I need to mention to Grant!

REGISTRAR(indignant) Well,this is most out of order!I have another wedding booked at twelve.You have two minutes.Use my office out the back!

Grant and Duncan exit.

MAGGIE(walks over to Andrew) Blimey,I wonder what all that was about!

ANDREW(looking uncomfortable) Maybe Duncan has had second thoughts.Gay men can be very flighty!

MAGGIE That is a terribly homophobic thing to say!I have never known such a committed couple as those two.

They divert their attentions back to Grant and Duncan as they re-enter the room and Maggie hurries back to Clare's side.

DUNCAN(whispering to Grant) Thanks for being so understanding.I never realised it was him!

GRANT(whispering back) It's OK.At least I know who 'Gavin' really is now!Let's just get on with the ceremony before I change my mind.It is a damn good job that I love you so much!

They go and stand back in front of the Registrar who has resumed his original place.

REGISTRAR Are you two gentlemen quite ready now?

DUNCAN Yes,we are.Sorry about that.Please continue!

REGISTRAR Ladies and gentlemen,I thank you for your patience.

This place in which you are now met has been duly sanctioned according to law for the registration of civil partnerships. You are here to witness the formation of a civil partnership by Grant and Duncan.If any person present knows of any impediment to this civil partnership, he should declare it now.

Maggie glances across at Andrew but neither say anything.

Grant and Duncan have chosen to pledge themselves to each other by committing to a legally binding contract. Their Partnership will enable the love and respect that they have for each other to develop into a deep and lasting relationship. We who are witnessing your civil partnership, hope that despite the stresses inevitable in any life, your Love, trust and understanding of each other will increase your contentment and heighten your joy in living.

Grant and Duncan,may I now ask you in turn to make your chosen vows to each other?

Grant and Duncan turn to face each other.They both pick up a copy of the Order of Service from the table in front of them.

GRANT(reading) I,Grant David pledge to share my life openly with you, Duncan Colin. I promise to cherish and tenderly care for you, to honour and encourage you. l will respect you as an individual and be true to you through good times and bad. To these things I give my word.

DUNCAN(reading) I,Duncan Colin choose you,Grant David above all others, to share my life. I promise to honour this pledge as long as I live.

The Registrar turns to Clare.

REGISTRAR Do you have the rings please?

She gives them to him.

REGISTRAR The giving of a band signifies the promise of a love that is everlasting and is a public affirmation that the contract between Grant and Duncan will be honoured.

Grant and Duncan exchange rings,gazing into each others eyes.Maggie and Clare smile at each other.

GRANT(reading) This ring is a token of my abiding love and a sign of the promise I make to you today.

DUNCAN(reading) This ring is a token of my abiding love and a sign of the promise I make to you today.

REGISTRAR Everyday you live, learn how to receive love with as much understanding as you give it. Find things within yourself, then you can share them with each other. Do not fear this love. Have an open heart and a sincere mind. Be concerned with each other's happiness. Be constant and consistent in your love. From this will come security and strength.

We now come to the signing of the schedule, which will bind Grant and Duncan together in law.

GRANT(reading) I declare that I know of no legal reason why we may not register as each other?s civil partner. I understand that on signing this document we will be forming a civil partnership with each other.

DUNCAN(reading) I declare that I know of no legal reason why we may not register as each other?s civil partner. I understand that on signing this document we will be forming a civil partnership with each other.

REGISTRAR Grant and Duncan,would you please step forward to sign the Civil Partnership Schedule and Register along with Maggie and Clare,your witnesses.

They all sign the schedule and register on the table.The pianist plays 'Someone To Watch Over Me'.

Grant and Duncan,you are now Partners in law and it is with pleasure that I present you with your Civil Partnership Certificate. Now that the ceremony is over and the experience of living day by day as legal partners is about to begin, go and meet it gladly.

You may now kiss.

Grant kisses Duncan warmly.Maggie and Clare have tears in their eyes.

Please join with Grant and Duncan as they celebrate their partnership.

The pianist plays 'Love Changes Everything' as Grant and Duncan turn to leave the room.Duncan takes a backward glance at Andrew(unnoticed by Grant) who blushes.The rest of the guests slowly follow.

Lights fade.

ACT THREE SCENE TWO

Later that day.

A lavishly decorated hotel reception room with a bar to the right of the stage.

A saxophonist is playing '(Everything I Do)I Do It For You'at the back of the stage.

There is a small dance floor next to the bar.

Door to stage left.

Grant and Duncan ,newly married are dancing on their own and are then joined by two other couples.As the melody finishes they leave the floor and move into the centre of the room.

The saxophonist starts to play another tune.Romantic melodies are played throughout the scene.

Maggie and Andrew come to join them from the bar,both carrying drinks.

MAGGIE I reckon you two have been practising!Congratulations,by the way!That was a lovely service,although I did wonder if it was actually going to get off the ground at first!

DUNCAN Sorry about that!I hope you two enjoy this evening.The hotel has promised us a night to remember!

MAGGIE I am sure we will but in all this excitement I am forgetting my manners.Duncan,let me introduce you to my much -talked about but as yet-

unseen husband Andrew!I have been so looking forward to the two of you meeting at last.

Duncan grabs Andrew's extended hand and shakes it nervously.

DUNCAN(ill at ease but doing his best to cover it up) Hello,Andrew!Maggie is always talking about you.How is life treating you?

ANDREW Good to meet you at last,Duncan.I only got back from a trip 'down south' last night so,do excuse me if I squeeze out the occasional yawn!

MAGGIE It's good to see you again,Grant.Is everything OK with the new house?

GRANT It feels like that we have been staying there for years rather than afew months.We really appreciated you sorting all the paperwork out-and of course,finding us the property in the first place.You have been a true friend to Duncan.He is lucky to have you!

MAGGIE Well,I don't know what I would have done all those long evenings Andrew was away on business(glancing at her husband)without Duncan to entertain me!

GRANT Away alot,was he?I am surprised he didn't get lonely too!

Andrew spots Steve at the far side of the room.

ANDREW(nervously) Will you folks excuse me a minute?I must just pop to the gents!

He strides across the room,ignoring the other people in his path and grabs Steve as he passes him.They both exit.

MAGGIE Blimey,he's in a hurry.Must be all that beer he's been drinking!

DUNCAN Come to mention it,I could do with paying a visit too.I won't be a minute.It will give you two a chance to catch up.

He walks away from them but as he passes Grant mouths,

Please don't tell her!

Grant nods and turns back to Maggie.

Duncan lingers by the door and grabs hold of Andrew's shoulder as he re-enters the room on his own.

DUNCAN(urgently in a low whisper) We need to talk!

Andrew pulls him into a corner and glances across the room at his wife who is laughing at one of Grant's jokes.They are oblivious to anyone but themselves.

ANDREW If I didn't know better I would say that your husband seems to be chatting up my wife!

He takes a swig of beer from his glass which he took to the lavatory with him.

DUNCAN This is not some sort of joke!Do you not realise what we've done?

ANDREW(sarcastically) It is good to see you again,Duncan as well!

DUNCAN(grabbing hold of Andrew's arm) You said your name was Gavin.If only I'd known..

ANDREW Known what?You were so horny it would not have made any difference even if you had known who I really was! And let go off my arm!People are staring at us!

DUNCAN As if you'd care!If I had known that you were Maggie's husband I would have never argreed to sleep with you.

ANDREW But you had no objections to playing around behind your fiance's back?

DUNCAN It was a moment of madness and..

Hang on,I don't have to explain myself to you.You told me that you were single.There was Maggie sat at home,missing you like hell-although now I know who her 'beloved' hubby actually is I can't think why-whilst you were trying out buggery behind her back!

ANDREW You lot can be so crude but yes,that was about it!

DUNCAN And Maggie has no idea?

ANDREW Not as far as I know,although to be honest I really don't give a damn.I am rather fed up with the stupid little cow,well all women,really!

Maggie unseen by either Duncan or Andrew leaves Grant's side and walks calmly out of the room.

DUNCAN God,you really are a nasty piece of work!You just used me when I was at my lowest to experiment with your sexuality and now you are insulting my oldest and dearest friend!Obviously,women don't do it for me sexually but as a friend Maggie has been an absolute rock.

ANDREW She won't think so highly of you once she discovers you have been introducing her husband to the delights of gay sex!Does your beloved Grant know that he has been sharing your sexy little body with me?

He grabs a glass of champagne from a passing waiter.

DUNCAN I told him last weekend that I had an affair with a man called Gavin,on the advice of your wife,actually!So,it looks like that you are the only one with the big secret.I am sure that Maggie will be rather more shocked when she finds out about her husband's persistent infidelity and the fact that he is not the true blue heterosexual that she thought he was than by me coming clean over my ex-lover's identity,considering that I had no idea who you were,let alone that you were married!

ANDREW(slurring his words) You think you've got all your bases covered then,do you?

Well,let's go and confess all to dear old Maggie!Come on!

He grabs hold of Duncan and drags him across the room despite the protestations of the other guests but only Grant is standing there,chatting to one of his work colleagues.

(Addressing Grant in a raised voice) Where's my dear wife then?

GRANT(excusing himself and turning to face Duncan and Andrew) Oh,hello you two!We thought perhaps you had eloped together!Maggie?She went home five or ten minutes ago.

ANDREW(almost lost for words) Why?What was the matter with her?Did you tell her?

Grant winks at Duncan unseen by Andrew.Duncan smiles at him.

GRANT She was in a terrible state,almost in tears.I offered her a lift home but she said nothing and stormed out.Didn't you see her go?

ANDREW Oh,God so you told her about Duncan and me?

DUNCAN(playing along) I don't see why you are so upset!You have just dragged me half way across the room with you to spill the beans.Grant has just done the job for you!

ANDREW What did you tell her then?Does she know everything?

GRANT Pretty much.Duncan told me about your sordid little affair afew days ago.I thought Maggie,seeing as she's your wife had a right to know.She is after all my husband's best friend!

ANDREW Oh,God how did she take it?She must have been devastated!

GRANT She was terribly upset.She thought I was joking at first but once she realised that her beloved husband had not just been unfaithful to her but that his lovers were all men,including her best friend..well,how do you think you took it?

ANDREW I must go after her and explain everything.

(speaking directly to Duncan) I know what I said to you over there(indicating the far corner of the room)but that was all bluster.I was as shocked as you were when I realised you were Maggie's friend.I just didn't put two and two together.

DUNCAN Well,you said to me when we split up that you had just regarded me as a 'sex object' so I am not surprised that you paid little attention to what my name was!

ANDREW(almost in tears) I really love Maggie.How could I have hurt her like this?I must go after her!

GRANT Look,old thing you aren't in a fit state to go anywhere.Duncan and myself are staying here overnight.Why don't you ask reception if they have a room vacant so you can sober up abit?

ANDREW Perhaps that's a good idea.

He staggers off and exits.

GRANT(turning to Duncan) I never told her!She just had a headache and was feeling tired.

DUNCAN I kind of guessed that.But the fact still remains that I slept with her husband.She is not going to be best pleased with me,is she?And Andrew's big secret will come out sooner or later.

GRANT Yes,but she already knows you had an affair and give you your due you didn't know that Gavin was in fact Andrew.I suggested to Andrew that he stays here tonight to give you time to pop over to Maggie's first thing and fill her in on all the details.At least then you will have a chance to salvage your friendship before she hears Andrew's side of the story-if he does decide to tell her.It will be better for Maggie too if she hears the news from you first-but just make sure that when Andrew does eventually go home Maggie keeps quiet about your confession!

DUNCAN I think I get it!He goes home all in a fluster thinking she already knows about his affair from you but obviously she doesn't-but in fact she has found out from me!What if he decides not to tell her after all?

GRANT That's what I am banking on!Andrew knows that Maggie would never accept him being attracted to other men.She just couldn't cope with him being bisexual.You told me that yourself.I reckon once he realises that she just went home with a headache and assumes that she has no idea about his affair he will keep quiet.Arrogant as he is,he will assume that he has got away with it.

DUNCAN Blimey,you do have it all worked out!Then what?Maggie will know the truth.I am not sure that she does love Andrew enough to just carry on with her marriage as if nothing has happened.What if she confronts him with the knowledge of his affair that she has found out from me?Perhaps I should keep quiet too,then maybe they could go on as before?

GRANT No,Maggie has a right to know that her husband is bisexual.There are too many so-called straight men out there playing around behind their wives' backs.Just because it is with another man rather than a woman does not make it any less adulterous.Hell,I am sounding like an old married man already!

DUNCAN You certainly are!OK,you make sure you keep Andrew here tomorrow long enough for me to go over to Maggie's.Although Andrew will assume he has got away with it-or perhaps he will just never really know- I think he really does care for her and once he sobers up the guilt of knowing that he has destroyed his marriage let alone the woman he loves will teach him a well deserved lesson.

Thinking back to what Maggie was telling me the other day,her love for him has been seeping away for months.From what I could gather,they very rarely sleep together nowadays..

GRANT Well,I suppose if Andrew prefers his bedmates to be of the hairy variety,that would make sense!

DUNCAN -and her feelings for Caroline...

GRANT That's that ex-work colleague of hers,isn't it?The one who confessed her dying love?

DUNCAN Yes,that's right.I can quite see the scenario:they both pretend that nothing is wrong but in fact Andrew devises more trips away from home,all consumed by guilt but unable to stop himself from sleeping with other men-you know what bi guys are like-whilst Maggie and Caroline get down and dirty at home.In the end,it is Maggie who decides to leave Andrew because she now has a new love in her life.

GRANT Exactly!I think we would all argree that Andrew deserves to be taught a sharp lesson.Maybe once him and Maggie have eventually split up he will find himself a new love.Now whether that would be a man or a very understanding woman,we will just have to wait and see!

DUNCAN(looking around him) Our guests will be wondering what we have been talking about all this time.I hope they don't think we are being rude!

GRANT I am sure they appreciate that us newly weds just can't get enough of each other!We had better go and circulate,though.Just think in an hour or two,we will be consummating our marriage at last,scorching those long awaited for bedsheets!

They walk hand-in-hand amongst their guests, smiling at each other.

Lights fade.

ACT FOUR SCENE ONE

Set as Act One Scene Three in Maggie and Andrew's kitchen one week later.

Early morning.Maggie and Caroline are sat across from each other both just wearing dressing gowns at the breakfast bar.

There is a small sofa by the door to the left of the stage.

There are two empty plates and a large teapot set between the two of them.

A dozen red roses are arranged in a vase at the far end.

MAGGIE(laughing) Well,I would never have imagined a month ago that I'd be sat here with you, having just enjoyed a delicious breakfast.I was lucky to have found someone who is almost as good a cook as I am!

CAROLINE Cheeky-but it is good to be appreciated.After all those lonely mornings of getting up on my own it is so wonderful to just be here with you.

Maggie rises from her stool and walks around to Caroline,standing behind her.She puts her arms around her and turns her round,taking her by the hand.She leads her towards a small sofa situated at the far end of the kitchen.

Where are you taking me?

MAGGIE You'll see!Just come with me.

Maggie pulls Caroline onto the sofa with her and kisses her passionately.Caroline responds and after a minute or two they break apart,gazing into each others'eyes.

CAROLINE Wow!What a way to start one's day.I would have thought that our love making last night would have kept you going for a wee while!

MAGGIE Surely you're not complaining,darling!You have awoken something deeply buried inside me which just cannot be sated.When we're not together physically I just can't stop thinking about you.It is a good job that I am not a man,otherwise being at work would just be a series of embarrassing moments!

CAROLINE Blimey!And there was me a couple of months ago worried sick about telling you how much I loved you,scared that I would destroy our friendship!

MAGGIE Thank God you did or I would never have discovered the delights of lesbian sex!Or maybe it's just your talents that drive me so wild!

CAROLINE(taking Maggie in her arms) Well,I am not exactly experienced,am I?As you already know,apart from yourself,I have only ever slept with one woman before-and that wasn't particularly satisfying.

MAGGIE I do remember you telling me that you never had an orgasm with her. You certainly don't seem to have any problems in that department with me.Watching you 'come' is an entertainment in itself!

They part and settle back on the sofa.Maggie puts her arm around Caroline's shoulder and she cuddles in close.

CAROLINE I shall take that as a compliment.It is funny how things have worked out.When we first met it was not a physical attraction..

MAGGIE(teasingly) So,you didn't much like the look of me,then?

CAROLINE You know I don't mean that!Like I have said to you before I would describe myself as being emotionally bisexual which basically means that I fell in love with your personality before starting to think about you in a sexual way.To find someone with a similar sense of humour to my own was quite amazing for starters!No-one could accuse either of us as looking at the world in a conventional manner!

MAGGIE That's true!So,I suppose me holding back physically was a good thing,really after all.I am sorry it took so long for me to let go but I felt so guilty about Andrew.I guess I too knew that deep down you and I would eventually consummate our relationship.

CAROLINE Well,that discussion that you had with Duncan must have helped.Have you heard anything from him since he told you about his affair with Andrew?

MAGGIE Only the odd 'phone call.I think he was just so embarrassed about it all.Of course,I already knew that he had been unfaithful to Grant but I had no idea who is his lover really was!He swears that he didn't know either.It was finding out that my dear husband was bisexual that was the real shock!

CAROLINE And Andrew has still not come clean?

MAGGIE No.It's all a bit strange,really.Duncan told about me the game that they played with Andrew after I had left the hotel,making out that Grant had told me about the affair but I gather in fact he didn't say anything.Andrew was in one hell of a mess from what I can ascertain.I almost said something to him when he came home after Duncan had left but I just couldn't face it.I was in too much of a shock,I suppose!

CAROLINE(grasping Maggie's hand) It must have been awlful finding out.How do you feel about it all now?

MAGGIE I'm not sure,really.We've been married a long time and I do love him but he had become so distant even when he was here.

CAROLINE Do you reckon he is still sleeping with other men?

MAGGIE I don't know about that either!He told Duncan when they split up that he just regarded him as a 'sex object' and that he would no doubt find some other man to satisfy his needs-but whether he ever did,I don't know.Duncan reckons that it is pretty likely.I gather he couldn't get enough of him on the few occasions they met.

CAROLINE Like you with me then!Would you leave him now that you and I have started sleeping together?

MAGGIE Please,Caroline no more questions!I do love you and you are fantastic in bed-but it's all such a mess!

CAROLINE I'm so sorry,darling.I didn't mean to upset you.Come here!

They embrace and Caroline kisses her passionately.She rolls her back onto the sofa and opens Maggie's dressing gown to expose her breasts.Caroline lowers her head and gently starts to suck Maggie's nipples.

MAGGIE I'm sorry too.(Gasping) Let's forget all about those godforsaken men for the moment!

She raises her head to return Caroline's kiss.

I really don't know why you put up with me sometimes.

I am such a hopeless case!

CAROLINE(laughing) That may be-but at least you are now my 'hopeless case'.

I have always known that my patience and perseverance would pay off eventually.

I have waited a lifetime to find someone who I can love and care for as I do you and...

now-you are finally all mine!

MAGGIE What can I say?

I must admit that at first I found our relationship so stressful-you being so in love with me and me being married.I felt so guilty not being able to commit fully to you and-as for Andrew...

CAROLINE(taking Maggie into her arms once more) I know.I guess I cut you more slack than I have ever done for anyone else-but then I have never loved someone like I do you.

I would lay down my life for you-if that occasion ever arose.

MAGGIE Oh,Caroline!

She kisses Caroline with a great urgency,exploring her mouth with her tongue.

Caroline loosens the cord of Maggie's dressing gown and parts the material to reveal her lower body as well.

She caresses her skin and lets her hands wander downwards.

Maggie swings up legs up onto the sofa so she is stretched out along its length.

Caroline,kneeling places kisses from her breasts down to her pubic hair.

Darling,show me again just how much you do love me.

Why did I wait so long for this?

Caroline places her tongue on Maggie?s clitoris and flicks it gently.

She traces the first few letters of the alphabet onto it and then licks from her vaginal entrance back up towards her clitoris.

Maggie groans.

Caroline gently inserts a finger into Maggie's vagina and gazes lovingly at her girlfriend.

CAROLINE I am not hurting you am I,darling?

Maggie?s eyes are half closed.

MAGGIE(with a slurred voice) God,that feels good.

I am not 100% sure about asking you this-but... will you take me properly?

You know-like a man would?

CAROLINE(in mock horror) You mean with that strap-on thing that you were so horrified with?

Maggie nods.

Well,I think it is still in my suitcase.It got left in there from last time-but..are you sure?

I have only ever used it once and that was years ago.

MAGGIE(heavy with emotion) Just get it-and don?t do your usual dithering!

Caroline stands up and walks out of the door to their bedroom.

Maggie covers herself up with her dressing gown and closes her eyes.

Pause.

Caroline enters holding the strap-on gingerly in both hands.

CAROLINE(whispering) Just give me a minute or two.

I can?t quite remember how this thing goes.

She slips off her dressing gown and places it on the breakfast bar.She wraps the thing around her, securing the buckles.

The black member is jutting out from her in an obscene fashion.

Reaching into the pocket of the gown she takes out a small tube of lubrication and squeezes alittle into her right hand.

She massages the cream along the shaft of the strap-on.

Maggie looks over at her and laughs.

MAGGIE By God,you look like Andrew having a wank!

CAROLINE(self consciously) Well,I am not sure how to take that,all things considering!

I feel a bit daft-if the truth be told.

MAGGIE Just come over here-and make me all yours!

Caroline gingerly walks over to the sofa and pulls Maggie onto the floor.

Taking control,she maneouvres her onto her back and parts her dressing gown.

She grabs a cushion from the sofa and places beneath Maggie?s hips.

I shall not forget this day in a hurry!

Make love to me,darling.

Caroline,now fully focused draws up Maggie?s knees and positions herself so that the tip of the phallus is resting against the entrance to Maggie?s vagina.

She takes a deep breath and pushes the phallus gently in,looking up towards Maggie whose eyes are half closed again.

Feeling more confident,Caroline pushes herself fully in.

Maggie moans.

Oh,my God!That feels fantastic.

Take me to Paradise!

Caroline starts to build up a rhythm and grins,using her arms to support herself over Maggie?s body,their crotches thrusting together.

CAROLINE Bloody hell,so this is what it feels like to be a man.

Shame I can?t come,though!

MAGGIE(gasping) Well,may be you can?t but here?s mine!

Her vaginal muscles grip the phallus and her body spasms.

She reaches up for Caroline and holds her tightly,the phallus still buried deeply inside her.

Well,you could put Andrew to shame any day!

CAROLINE(rolling away and quickly unstrapping the phallus,throws it behind the sofa) I don?t think that is much of a compliment-but I sure did enjoy that!

She stands up and offers her hand to Maggie.

They both snuggle back up on the sofa and secure their dressing gowns.

Now how about you suck my nipples and have a little fondle down below so I can come too?

MAGGIE(laughing) I reckon I could manage that-after that wonderful orgasm that you have just given me!

She parts Caroline?s gown, lowers her head and starts to suck her nipples.

She is about to slip her hand through the folds of material into her crotch...

Pause

The door is opened and Andrew walks into the room carrying a large bouquet of flowers.

ANDREW Hello,darling!I'm home.

He sees Caroline and Maggie making love on the sofa.

Oh,my God!What the hell is going on here?

The two women break apart and hurriedly straighten their clothing.They look shocked and flustered.

MAGGIE(stuttering) Andrew!I thought you were back home later.

ANDREW(sarcastically) Obviously!I can't believe what I'm seeing.

He points his finger accusingly at Caroline

My wife was...sucking your nipples!!How the hell do you explain away that one?It is not the usual service offered to a sales rep!

CAROLINE(indignantly) I am a mortgage broker actually,not a sales rep!

ANDREW Will you shut up?I am speaking to my wife!

MAGGIE Perhaps you had better go,Caroline.It is not going to help you being here!

CAROLINE No way!I am not going anywhere.I am not leaving you with him!

She stands up and faces Andrew.

Now, what exactly is your problem?

ANDREW(sarcastically) My problem?I come home and find you two making out on the sofa!I didn't even realise that you saw each other anymore,let alone that you were so intimate!

Maggie sits in stunned silence looking at each person in turn as they speak.

CAROLINE We only started sleeping together this week..

ANDREW(sarcastically) Oh,well that's alright then!

CAROLINE -since Maggie found out about your infidelities!

ANDREW(stuttering) I don't know what you are on about!

Maggie comes out of her stupor.

MAGGIE Thought you had got away with that one,did you?

She stands up and walks over to the breakfast bar,leaning against it.She indicates to Caroline to sit back down on the sofa which she reluctantly does.

ANDREW I don't have the slightest idea what you are going on about.All I do know is that I have just got home after a very hectic few days away..

CAROLINE(under her breath) I bet they were!

ANDREW(facing Caroline) What did you say?

CAROLINE(innocently) Nothing!

ANDREW(turning to face his wife) As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted,I got home and found you in the arms of..that hussy!

He points at Caroline.

Maggie straightens up and walks towards her husband.

MAGGIE Duncan came round last Sunday before you managed to find your way home and told me everything!

ANDREW And what did he tell you exactly?

MAGGIE He told me that you two had slept together-but that he didn't know who you were.He had no idea that you were my husband.Are you saying that he was lying?

ANDREW Yes,I am.That poof would tell you anything to stir things up between us!

MAGGIE And,why would he do that?

ANDREW Because he's jealous!

MAGGIE Of what?He's gay.I have known Duncan for years.I believe what he told me.

Caroline rises from the sofa and goes over to Andrew.Maggie sits down at the breakfast bar.

CAROLINE Come on,Andrew,admit it!You wanted to try it out with a man!There is nothing wrong with being bisexual!

ANDREW(sarcastically) Like you,you mean?You'll be suggesting next that I join you in some sort of club!

CAROLINE I am proud of my sexuality.Why can't you admit what you really are?

ANDREW(becoming emotional) OK,I admit it!I was curious-I had a look at afew gay sites online and arranged to meet up with Duncan.

Maggie gasps.

CAROLINE Finally!

Andrew starts to cry.He goes over to the sofa and collapses onto it.

Why the hell are you crying?

ANDREW Because it was a moment of weakness.Because I love my wife and I can't bear the thought of having been unfaithful to her!Isn't that enough?

And,oh yes,because I have just found her having sex with a woman!

CAROLINE God,give me strength!Duncan told Maggie that you two had had sex several times-and no doubt you've been with other men since him-so how the devil can that just be 'a moment of weakness'?

ANDREW(sobbing) Duncan's lying.I only slept with him once-and there has been nobody since.I love Maggie.I won't hurt her for the world!

Caroline goes over to the sofa.

CAROLINE Well,I've got news for you,sunshine.She doesn't love you.I have been here every night this week since you left for London on Tuesday..and I haven't been sleeping in the spare room!Maggie is too good for you,regardless of how many men you have-or have not-slept with.I love her more than you do and...she has just told me that I am a damn better lover than you will ever be!

Maggie is once again staring at the two of them,uncertain where her loyalties lie.

Andrew goes over to his wife and drops onto his kneees,wrapping his arms around her legs.

ANDREW Please,Maggie,tell her you still love me!Tell me that Caroline was just a moment of weakness for you too.

Maggie glances across at Caroline and finds strength from her encouraging look.

MAGGIE(calmly) Get up,Andrew!Caroline is right.I do still love you but I love her more.Over the last few months she has made me feel appreciated and special,something which you have failed to do for a long time.Even when you are at home you are distant and half the time make up some excuse why you won't sleep with me.I always thought that it was us women who came up with the phoney excuses.I was beginning to suspect that you had developed a brain tumour from all the headaches that you claimed to be suffering from!

Andrew lets go of Maggie's legs and goes to sit across from her at the breakfast bar. Caroline looks on,bemused.

ANDREW I am so sorry,Maggie.I admit that I was confused but I can't live without you!I love you so much.Can we not try again to make this work?We have been married for fifteen years!

CAROLINE One would get less for murder!Come on,Maggie let's go.We'll come back in a couple of days and pick up your stuff or..better still we'll come back and change the locks so,snivelling git here can't get back in!

She goes over to Maggie and stretches out her hand.

MAGGIE(wavering) I'm still not sure,Caroline.What if he is telling the truth?

Are you one hundred per cent sure that this is what you really want?To be with me,I mean!

Andrew watches them nervously.Caroline takes Maggie's hands,gazing into her eyes.

CAROLINE Darling,I fell in love with you months ago.You are the centre of my universe and when you are free from this slimeball it will be me on my knees in front of you,not begging for your forgiveness but asking you to marry me!Without you my life would not be worth living.Come with me now and let me show you the 'Paradise' that you have already shown me.

MAGGIE I remember that line from my birthday!I do love you,sweetheart.Let's go now before my guilt and misgivings kick in again!

She turns to face her husband who is openly sobbing.

I am so sorry,Andrew!

They exit.

Andrew watches them go.

Lights fade.

ACT FOUR SCENE TWO

As Act Two Scene Two.Steve's flat.The following day-lunchtime.

The room is tidy .

There are two glasses of beer on the table.

Steve is pacing around the room,obviously on edge.

A loud rap at the door followed by the sound of a key being turned in the lock.

Andrew bursts in.

ANDREW(jubliantly) I've done it!She's left me!

STEVE(relieved) Thank God,you're here.I was beginning to worry.

The two men embrace and kiss passionately.

Come and sit down.Did it all go to plan?

They sit together on the sofa.

ANDREW Wow,you've even poured me a drink in anticipation!Yes,it went like a dream.

STEVE Do tell!

ANDREW Well,like you predicted that Caroline woman had stayed the night-and as usual my timing was impeccable-they were actually 'at it' as I walked in the door!

STEVE No!They must have been shocked rigid to see you standing there!

ANDREW Well,once that woman had tore her eyes away from my wife's tits long enough!Thank God Grant confides in you..

STEVE Well,what with us working together so much at the hospital..It still amazes me what we doctors talk about during an operation!

ANDREW I can quite imagine you standing there administering the anaesthetic whilst Grant,deftly slicing into the patient reveals the family secrets!

STEVE I think you have been watching too many of those hospital dramas but that was basically it.We were just talking about his recent civil partnership ceremony and he mentioned that it almost never happened.I probed him..

ANDREW You are a particular expert in that field,lover!

STEVE Indeed!Eventually,he told me that Maggie had confessed over the telephone to Duncan that Caroline had been spending the night at your place.I still don't quite understand why you could not have just left your wife without all these shenigans.

ANDREW Because the bitch needed to be taught a lesson!She thought she was being so clever.Grant might not have told her at the wedding about my affair but Duncan certainly spilled the beans.I suppose she thought that by keeping quiet about it our life would go on much as before,not as that was any great shakes!It feels so good knowing that she has been in a state of torment all week,never really knowing if Duncan was a one-off or whether I was still actively seeking out other men.I suspected that she and Caroline were getting too close for comfort-and when you confirmed those suspicions,well it seemed too good an opportunity to miss.

I bet dear old Maggie is feeling really guilty.Even if I say so myself,my performance yesterday was worthy of an Oscar!

STEVE How did it all end then?

ANDREW Well,I made out that I had only slept with Duncan once and had never looked at another man since.I wept so many tears that I thought I was going to have to restock up on the onions!Man,was I good!

STEVE I am so glad that I am your friend rather than an enemy,Andrew!

ANDREW Well,your lover,Steve rather than your friend and only one of many-but I do appreciate your undercover work!

STEVE If you were female,Andrew I would call you a bitch!

Andrew grins at him.

ANDREW Anyway,by the time I left I was in floods of tears,begging for forgiveness.At one point I thought I had gone too far because Maggie almost caved in whether through her so-called love for me or more likely guilt,deciding to choose me over Caroline.Thank God her 'girlfriend' is so butch otherwise I might have been forced to take Maggie back,heaven forbid!Caroline asserted her dominance-very touching-and Maggie left the house with her.They were talking about returning today to change the locks but,hah,hah,I did that yesterday!

STEVE So,what happens now?

ANDREW I am going home later-after I have had my wicked way with you!All this scheming and revenge seeking has given me a terrific hard-on!

STEVE And Maggie will stay at Caroline's,I suppose?

ANDREW I don't really care what happens to her.She left me,didn't she?I know a bloody good solicitor who will make sure that nobody believes that I was the first one to commit adultery.I will have her on the grounds of desertion and sneak that house from under her nose.I have had enough of women to last me a lifetime!

STEVE And what about you,asides from the house,I mean?Do you still consider yourself to be bisexual?

ANDREW Good God,no!I intend to essentially carry on as before,really.I enjoy my work and travelling around so much means that there is always plenty of opportunities to pick up some tasty young thing to take my pleasure with.

I shall live the life of a 'young' gay man getting plenty of sex with no strings attached and with no silly little woman-or man for that matter-at home questioning my every move.I suppose I shall be making up for lost time.They always say 'youth is wasted on the young'!

STEVE(shocked) I hope you don't mind me saying this,Andrew but I am very glad that you are not my boyfriend!I was not too happy about how you treated Maggie-when it comes down to it she has really been the innocent party in all this-but now,well I reckon you have lost the plot!

You betrayed her by sleeping around behind her back and from what I can gather despite her growing feelings for her friend she remained faithful to you-and now you are trying to punish her!It does not make any sense,mate!

Andrew stands up and heads for the door,glancing back at Steve.

ANDREW Save your lecture for someone who gives a damn!Being free from Maggie feels like being released from the proverbial cage and,OK,I might get my feathers singed from time to time but,man I sure am going to fly high and..don't worry,my dick won't fall off-I shall wear a condom!!

He exits.

Steve stares at the door as he slams it shut and shakes his head in disbelief.

A key is pushed at some speed through the letterbox.

I won't be needing that now either.Have fun,girlfriend!

Lights fade to black.

The curtain falls.

-The End -