A Fresh Start

A Fresh Start

by Harrison Morris

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"I'll give him your number anyway!" my mother said as she hugged me tightly in the airport terminal.

It didn't matter how many times I told both of my parents that I was moving out to L.A. to get a fresh start. I wanted to relocate somewhere that I didn't know a single person...a way of reinventing myself and taking a new path in life. That didn't matter to my mom. "I'll worry to death with you being in a strange city not knowing anyone! Linda's best friend from college, Ted, lives out in L.A. Maybe you can at least meet up for dinner every few weeks and go the the movies, or something."

"Mom!" I was incredulous. "Linda's 62. That means Ted's around that age too."

"So?

"What are we gonna have in common? Besides, I'm sure he's not going to want to have to entertain some 34 year old kid."

Mom just gave me a look of disapproval. "Hon, Ted's a very nice man. I'm sure he'll be glad to show you around L.A. I'm not saying you have to become joined at the hip and spend tons of time together." All I could do is sigh heavily and roll my eyes. There was no getting through to her. "I don't care what you say. I'm going to have Linda give Ted your number."

"Yeah, yeah..." I said, dismissively. We proceeded to say our goodbyes and then I boarded the plane and headed westward to start my new life.

It took me a couple weeks to get settled-in in my condo and get acclimated to my new job, but I was finally starting to feel like I was "home." I'd just gotten home from work one evening when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and didn't recognize the number, so I promptly hit the "Decline" button, tossed the phone on my bed, and went about changing out of my work clothes. Nearly a minute later, I heard my phone beep, indicating that whoever had called had left a voice mail message. I picked my phone back up and put my voice mail box on speaker phone, assuming it was something related to work.

"Hi, Jason. This is Ted Masterson." I rolled my eyes. I figured Mom would forget about giving my number to him. Apparently, I was wrong. "I'm a friend of your mother's. She said you had just recently relocated here to L.A. and might want someone to show you some of the city's finer points. If you'd like, we can meet for dinner sometime. I know a couple of nice restaurants near your condo..." Really?! She told him where I live?! "When you get a chance, get back to me if you'd like to get together. I look forward to hearing from you."

It may have been rude of me, but I immediately deleted the phone messages. I was more than a little irked that my mom had given this man my contact information when I was so adamant that I didn't want her to. I'm a 34 year old. I know how to make friends and meet new people when I'm ready to. So... I just went on about my business and my life.

Then, two weeks later, another call comes into my phone. This time, I recognized the number. "Hello?"

"Hey, sweetie!" came my mother's excited voice on the other end. "How's life out in Hollywood?"

I had to laugh to myself. My mom was just like me before I moved out here. People who aren't from here have no concept of just how big L.A. actually is. I didn't live anywhere near Hollywood or even Beverly Hills. But when you're not from here, just assume all parts of the city are within a few miles of each other. "Everything's great out here, Mom!"

"Good! Have you gotten all settled-in in your new place?"

"Yes. I'm all squared away..."

"And your job... How's that going?"

What is this, 20 Questions? "I'm loving it. Things couldn't be better! How are things back home? How's Dad?"

"Everything's great here! Your father had to work late, but he wanted me to tell you he misses you. We both can't wait until you come back home for a visit. Or until you invite us out to visit you. Hint, hint...!"

I rolled my eyes. "Real subtle, Mom!"

"Well, you'll never invite us if I don't prompt you to!"

"Give me a little more time to get my bearings here. Then, you and Dad can come out and I'll show you around."

"Speaking of getting your bearings, I understand that Ted called you a couple weeks ago. When are the two of you meeting up?"

"Fuck!" I mouthed to myself and shook my fist in frustration. "Uh... We're meeting later this week for dinner."

"Don't lie to your mother, Jason. I already know you never called him back."

"What...did you wiretap my condo, or something?"

"Never mind that. I don't want you to be out there without a friend."

"Mom, please. I'm making friends at work. It's only a matter of time before I meet more people. I'm going to be fine!"

"Just, please call Ted. I think the two of you would really hit it off and he's more than willing to show you around and introduce you to people."

I could see this was a battle I was never going to win. It was either keep saying no and constantly be pestered about calling this man, or call now, get it over with, and then be done with him. "Fine. I'll call him back later."

"How about now? I talked to him right before I called you. He's expecting your call. "

"Fine, whatever..." I felt like an eleven year old being scolded by a parent.

"And try to sound at least a little polite when you call him."

"Yes, Mother dear," I said in a mockingly cheerful tone. A short time later, we ended our call and I went back through my received calls until I found Ted's number.

"Hello? Ted Masterson here!"

"Hi, Ted. This is Jason Fisher. My mother is a friend of Linda Thomas'. I believe you called me a couple weeks ago and I neglected to return your call."

"Yes! Hi, Jason! I've been waiting to hear from you!" Was that desperation I was hearing in his voice? I could picture him right now: disheveled hair, wearing half-glasses with the little chain that connected to the frames and dangled behind the head, a moth-ridden cardigan with corduroy patches on the elbows, and an afghan covering his legs, standing in his kitchen making dinner for his 20 cats. I had to stifle a laugh as he kept talking. "I hear you're looking for a friend to show you around the city."

"Yeah, maybe. It might be nice to have a friend to hang out with every once in a while." Damn my parents for instilling kindness and manners in me, growing up!

"Great! How about we get together for dinner? Are you free tomorrow evening?"

Unable to quickly think of any plausible way of getting out of those plans quickly enough, I reluctantly said the only thing that came to mind. "Sure. That would be great!"

"Perfect! I know a great seafood place over in Newport Beach. I'll text you the address!"

"Um, actually, I don't have a car out here yet." I was praying that he'd decide I was too much trouble to deal with and he'd call this whole thing off.

"Oh. That's no problem. I can swing by and pick you up!" Did I say 20 cats? I meant 50 cats!

"Are you sure? I don't want you to go out of your way."

"Hey, it's no problem at all. You're the son of my best friend's friend. I'm glad to do it. Listen, I've gotta run..." Muffin, Socks, Mr. Whiskers, Winston, Fluffy, and the rest of the clowder must be anxious for their Meow Mix. "Text me your address. I'll pick you up tomorrow. Is 6:00pm all right?"

"That's fine." I tried to sound cheerful.

"Great! I'll see you then. Bye, Jason!"

"Bye!" After I texted him my address, I brought my pillow up to my face and screamed into it. After I'd calmed down, I realized that it was only going to be one evening out of my entire life. I could get through it. Afterwards, we never had to see each other again.

The whole next day, I had a knot in my stomach. You know how you feel right before you have to do something that you don't want to do and you're a wreck about it. It was 10 `til 6 and I was actually ready to send Ted a text and beg off of dinner tonight when there was a knock at the door. Damn him for being early!

As I went to open the door, I gave myself a laugh, wondering what color cardigan he chose to wear for dinner tonight. When I opened the door, I'm sure my mouth dropped all the way to the floor. This couldn't be Ted. The man standing in front of me looked more like an older Sam Champion than the feeble Mister Rogers-looking fuddy-duddy I was expecting. A button-down striped shirt underneath a dark blue sports coat, salt and pepper hair that had turned more salt than pepper, and a smile on his face so wide that I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Ted?"

"Hi!" he boisterously extended his hand to me. "Jason?"

"Yes. I'm Jason Fisher. Nice to meet you!"

As we stood there in my foyer, making small talk, I felt ashamed of myself for having such a negative opinion of the guy. It was actually very striking how good-looking he was. Broad shoulders... And, despite what looked like a little middle-age spread, he looked like he kept himself in decent shape. I gave myself a mental shake. I needed to slow down. If I wasn't careful, I was going to develop a crush on Ted Masterson.

That night at dinner, the food was incredible. But the company was even better. It was as if the universe was punishing me for all of the terrible "confirmed bachelor" stereotypes I'd developed in my head about Ted. We talked to each other as if we had known each other for years. We talked about my life growing up, what I'd studied in college, what I did for a living and if I enjoyed it. We talked about what hobbies I had and what I did for fun. I got to hear about his childhood, which was a lot more interesting than you might expect. As a military brat, he lived in various places in Europe and Asia when he was young and I sat in rapt attention as he spoke about growing up in those places. For part of his young adulthood, he pulled-up stakes and moved abroad, living in Spain, Italy, and Brazil too. Ted had led quite a life!

I have to confess, for part of the time he was talking, I zoned-out a little bit...not because I wasn't interested in what he was saying. It was because I realized just how attractive Ted was. Though I had no "hard-fast" preferences when it came to guys, I had dated my share of guys older than me back home. Many of them had been as attractive - or maybe more attractive - than Ted, but had practically zero personality. And some had personality to spare, but I wasn't especially attracted to them. Ted had checked all my boxes. But I was getting ahead of myself. I didn't know which side of the fence he fell on. Love life - mine AND his - was the one subject neither of us had broached yet.

Just when I was about to ask him about his romantic pursuits, he looked at his watch. "Oh, wow! I didn't realize it was this late! I should get you back home so you can get in bed for work tomorrow. I should probably hit the sack too!"

At first, I thought maybe I'd read the temperature of our evening together incorrectly and he was preparing me for the brush-off when I looked at my own watch and saw that it was almost 9:30. We'd been sitting there for about 3 hours.

About half an hour later, were in the parking lot of my building, looking at each other in his car. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I thought for a moment that he was going to lean in and give me a kiss when he extended his hand for me to shake. "Jason, I had a great time this evening. I'm so glad we finally were able to get together."

Smiling...trying to hide my disappointment, I shook his hand. "Me too! I can't remember when I've had a better time at dinner."

"Great!" he said, grinning from ear to ear.

As I opened the door and started to get out of the car, he put his hand on my shoulder, sending tingles throughout my body. "How would you like to get together over the weekend? I went in with a couple of other guys and rented a boat over in Marina Del Rey. Maybe we can get out on the water for a little bit."

"I'd love to. It sounds like it'll be a blast!"

"Perfect! I'll text you with the information and plan to pick you up on Saturday, once I firm-up the time."

"Okay. I look forward to it." We said our goodbyes and I headed up to my condo. Like a gentleman, he waited in the parking lot until I got to my door and got it open. Once inside, I felt a little bit like a wreck. I'd broken the one rule I'd set for myself once I'd finally laid eyes on Ted: don't fall for him. Worse yet, I was getting mixed signals. He shook my hand instead of kissing me. We didn't talk about our love lives, so he doesn't know I'm gay and I don't know about his orientation. But, he wants to get me alone on a boat on Saturday afternoon. It definitely occurred to me that something other than touring the marina and the coast might happen in his boat on Saturday.

Unfortunately, that was not to be. I made sure to take a pill a couple hours before Ted picked me up to go to Marina Del Rey. I get seasick and wanted to make sure that I at least appeared as if I had my "sea legs" once I got on the boat. However, we hadn't even been on the boat long enough to have much of a conversation when I began to feel that familiar queasiness that happens when I'm out on the water. Ted was a good sport about turning the boat around and heading back in. However, no sooner had we reached the marina and gotten his boat docked than I was leaning over the side. He was really sweet to kneel down next to me, rub my back, and be supportive, but I was incredibly embarrassed. Aside from the fact that I was still in a daze from being sick, I don't think I said two words to him on the ride back to my house because I was ashamed that I'd ruined what was probably going to be a great afternoon on the water.

"Do you need me to help you up to your condo?" Ted asked as he pulled into the parking lot.

"No. I'll be okay," I smiled weakly.

"Are you sure? You seemed a little wobbly at the marina."

"Yeah. I can make it. Listen, Ted... I'm sorry for ruining the day today. I took a pill before you ever picked me up earlier. I don't know what happened."

He reached over at patted my knee. I looked up at his face, which I'd been trying to avoid looking at out of sheer embarrassment and he was smiling at me. "It's okay, Jason. Not everyone's a salty seaman at heart. You're obviously a 'land lubber' and I'll just have to lov....uh, accept you for who you are!"

When he started to laugh at his own remark, it broke the tension and I began to feel a little less crappy about ruining the day. For the first time since we got on the boat earlier, I smiled back at him. Then, I got out of the car. As before, he waited until I got the door to my condo unlocked before he left. When I got inside, I headed directly for my bed and crashed.

When I woke up, I grabbed my phone on my nightstand to see what time it was and was amazed to see that I'd slept the rest of the afternoon and all night. It was now 8:00am the next morning. On the view screen, I saw that I had a text message waiting for me. It was from Ted! "Just checking in on you. Hope you're feeling better. Let me know if you need anything." He'd sent it at around 9:00pm last night. Sweet...

Grinning to myself, I thought, "Yeah. I need to spend a relaxing day on the couch, making out with you." Instead, I texted back. "Feeling much better. Got inside & crashed on my bed. Just woke up 5 mins ago. Tks 4 checking on me."

I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and grab a shower. When I was done, another text from Ted was waiting for me. "Glad ur better. I'm sorry we didn't get to hang out yesterday. How bout some breakfast to make up 4 it?"

"I'm starved!" I texted back. "I'd love it."

A couple minutes later came his response. "Cool. On my way to ur place. See u in a while."

About an hour later, he was at my door with two grocery bags in hand. "If you'd called me, I would've met you out in the parking lot," I said to him.

He held up both grocery bags. "You misunderstood, my friend. I'm not taking you to breakfast, I'm MAKING you breakfast. You need some protein to help your body heal from yesterday. I wasn't sure what type of food you had on hand here, so I stopped by the store on my way."

"Ted, you don't have to make me breakfast. We're just getting to know each other right now."

"I know I don't HAVE to. But I want to. I feel bad about yesterday. This is my way of making it up to you."

"You shouldn't feel bad. I'm the one that ended the day leaning over the side of your boat."

He just smirked at me. "I'm told I make a killer omelette. You'll weep..."

I laughed back at him. "Okay, okay. With a comment like that, I HAVE to let you make breakfast now."

As he made me breakfast and I sat at the kitchen counter, we chit-chatted with each other and I found myself thinking that this is the type of morning I'd love to have every weekend...just spending time with my man. I know "my man" probably couldn't be Ted, because he was straight, for all I knew. But this time together while he was making me breakfast made me realize this is the type of life I wanted for myself with someone.

Just a few minutes later, we were sitting on my sofa, eating the meal he'd prepared. Okay, so we weren't making out, like I'd hoped earlier that morning. But this was the next best thing. Being with Ted and talking to him was the easiest thing in the world. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it really felt like we'd known each other for years. Finally, though, we got around to the conversation that I wished we'd had earlier in the week when we met for the first time.

"So, Jason. Tell me... Do you have anyone special in your life who you're seeing?"

"No. I was dating a few people when I was back home. But there was no one serious. When I decided to pull up stakes and move out here, I broke all of that off. I'm starting a new chapter of my life. I wanted to start it clean without any long distance entanglements."

"That's a smart move. I've done the long-distance thing before and it rarely works out well."

"What about you, Ted? I'm sure you've got a line of people waiting to fill up your dance card. I can't imagine that special someone in your life is too happy that you've been spending the last couple days with some snot-nosed kid from back East."

He chuckled at me. "Okay, first of all, 34 does NOT make you a kid. You're all man!" After an awkward pause, he continued talking instead of addressing that remark. "As for my love life, it's woefully non-existent..."

"What?!" I exclaimed, genuinely surprised. "A handsome man like you doesn't have someone in his life?!"

He blushed at my compliment. "No. I don't. I've focused too much on work. And now... Well, I don't really put myself out there like I should. But enough about me..." he changed the subject. "You've been out here a few months already and you REALLY don't have a boyfriend yet? That's a crime!"

I was floored. I didn't think he knew. "You know I'm gay? What...do I have a flashing neon sign above my head or something?" I looked around, teasingly.

"Yes," he said. "Right next to the one that says 'land lubber'!" After we both had a good laugh, he explained. "Actually, Linda told me."

Before he could say anything more, I piped-up. "You know. Usually, I don't like other people talking about my business..."

"Don't be mad at her, Jason. She only told me because she and your parents thought, not only could I help you get acclimated to the city, but I might be able to help you make connections here since I'm gay too. Unfortunately, they don't realize that I don't get around as much as I used to when I was younger. I don't really know anyone on the scene who's around your age."

Hell, I'd just found out that the guy I had developed a crush on might be available to me after all. I might as well make a subtle move and see what happens. "That's okay. I've been known to date a mature guy when the chemistry is right."

For a moment, time seemed to freeze. We gazed into each others eyes. And it seemed as if Ted and I might be about to have a "moment." Unfortunately, he broke the spell. "Uh... I think I'd better clean up the dishes and hit the road. I've got some errands I have to run. He got off of the sofa and took both of our plates into the kitchen.

"Ted, you don't have to do that. You made breakfast. I'll clean up."

"Nonsense!" he called over his shoulder as he started the water. "When I make a mess, I always clean up after myself!" I wondered if he was only talking about the breakfast dishes or if he was talking about our conversation on the sofa too...

Later, we were standing by the door as he was getting ready to leave. "Ted, I can't thank you enough...not only for checking on me this morning, but for that wonderful breakfast. I may hot have weeped. But I sure felt like it!"

"Thank goodness! After I built up my culinary skills, I would've been embarrassed if you hadn't liked the omelette. I'm glad you're feeling better, Jason." And then it happened. Ted and I seemed to be magnetically drawn to each other. It wasn't a kiss, but it was the next best thing. We hugged. I wrapped my arms around him and explored his back with my hands. But as quickly as it started, it was over. Ted backed away and seemed to be trying to regain his composure. "Uh, well... Uh... How about we get together for dinner one night this week? And maybe next weekend, I can show you around town so you can see all that L.A. has to offer."

"Sounds like a good plan to me!" I couldn't stop looking at him with a goofy grin on my face.

"Okay. I'll touch base with you in a couple days to set up a time to meet up. See you later, Jason."

"Bye, Ted. Thanks again!" and he was gone.

We did end up meeting for dinner later that week. And over the next several months, Ted and I got together at least once a week or on the weekend. By now, he'd shown me so much of the city that I felt like I was a long-time resident. And no...he wasn't having to chauffeur me around anymore. A few months ago, I finally bit the bullet and bought myself a car. L.A. was finally starting to feel like home...except for the fact that my love life was still D.O.A. I think my crush on Ted may have been partially responsible for the fact that I hadn't started dating yet. Nothing had happened between us. In fact, after the awkward conversation during breakfast at my condo that day, Ted seemed to go out of his way not to have any "close" moments with me. I still felt a chemistry and a sexual energy between us. But with him seemingly unwilling to take our relationship out of the "friend zone," what more could I do but moon over him...and use him as fodder for my jack off fantasies?

One weekday evening, I had just pulled into the parking lot of my condo to drop Ted off so he could pick up his car after we'd been out to a restaurant in West Hollywood for dinner and out to see a movie. Before he got into his car, he called out to me as I was halfway up the steps to my condo. "Jason... I meant to tell you. I'm having a little get together for some friends this weekend at my house. I'd love it if you were able to come by and meet some of my other friends. Do you think you can make it?"

"Sure! Sounds great."

"Good! The fun gets underway at 7:00pm on Saturday."

"Okay. I'll be there!" I'd met a couple of Ted's other friends over the past several months, but didn't know all of them. I was glad he was finally including me in something with his whole group of friends. But I tried to keep myself from reading too much into the invitation. The last thing I needed was to get my heart broken because of my crush on Ted.

The night of the party had arrived and I got there later than I had wanted to because of terrible traffic. I think I was one of the last people to arrive, in fact. Ted greeted me at the door with a glass of wine.

"C'mon in, Jason!" he said as he handed me the glass of wine and patted me on the back jovially. "We're all out in the backyard. I can't wait to introduce you to everyone you haven't met yet!"

For the next 10 minutes or so, Ted took me around and introduced me to the friends of his that I hadn't met yet. Everyone was really nice and I was starting to feel pretty comfortable, even though I tend to get a little anxious in group settings where I don't know anyone.

The last person Ted brought me around to was a guy who looked to be around my age. "Jason, this is someone I've been really anxious for you to meet. This is Luis." We shook hands.

"Hi there," Luis said as our hands touched. "Nice to meet you."

Just then, the doorbell rang. Ted turned and looked back at the house. "I'd better go get that. You two have a chat. I think you'll both find you have a lot in common." He patted me on the back and then made his way back inside to answer the door.

As we stood there and talked, my eyes kept averting to the rest of the party. Ted eventually came back outside followed by a guy who looked like he might've been about ten years older than me. The guy followed Ted around as if he was a lost puppy. Though I was a little irritated by that, I turned my attention back to Luis as we chatted about sports and music. Ted was right. We did have a lot in common.

Fifteen minutes later, Luis and I were still chatting. But my mind was preoccupied with Ted and that guy. They were off by themselves, chatting and laughing. The guy kept leaning in and whispering in Ted's ear, hanging his arm on Ted's shoulder. It looked like they were smiling, laughing, and having a good time. It shouldn't have gotten on my nerves, but it did. However, I tuned back in to what Luis was saying to me and tried to put Ted out of my mind.

Half an hour later and there was a lull in my conversation with Luis. We had spent the past almost hour talking and getting to know each other. And, while it was true that we had a lot in common and he was a really nice guy, there was absolutely no spark. As he was talking now, all I kept hearing was the voice from the Peanuts cartoons...the gibberish sound that sounded like a horn blowing whenever an adult spoke. I found myself wishing he'd shut up! As I scanned the backyard, I didn't see Ted at all...or the clingy guy who had been all over him. I decided it was time to cut Luis loose. "Excuse me, Luis," I interrupted a story he was telling about his little niece that may have been a cute story, if I'd actually been paying attention to it. "I'll be right back," I lied. "I need to use the restroom."

As I walked toward the backyard door to re-enter the house, he said, "Okay. I'll be here." I understood why Ted had introduced me to Luis. But it stung a little bit. I had a crush on Ted, not Luis. Him introducing me to Luis was just another reminder that Ted had no interest in me whatsoever...and it was a little painful. Something that was more than a little painful was what was waiting for me when I entered Ted's house. I didn't really need to use the restroom, but I planned on seeing if I could find Ted and, if necessary, go into the bathroom for effect. In a side hallway off of his living room, I walked in and saw the guy who had been hanging all over Ted earlier had him pressed up against the wall. They were kissing and the guy had his hand on Ted's crotch, massaging and rubbing it. It was a knife in my heart. I wanted to get out of there. I HAD to get out of there. But for some reason, my legs wouldn't let me move.

At that moment, Ted caught sight of me out of the corner of his eye and broke the kiss. "Jason!"

His companion turned and looked in my direction, annoyed by the interruption. "Hey, man... Don't you have somewhere else you gotta be?!" He hadn't even bothered to take his hand off of Ted's crotch!

The rudeness of the guy snapped me out of my daze. "Uh, yeah... Um... I'm sorry, Ted. I just realized that I need to leave. I have something else I've got to do tonight. Thanks for the invite." Amazingly enough, tears were starting to well up in my eyes and I was certain both of the other men could see it. I didn't even wait for him to reply, I just said one final "Bye," not even bothering to look at either of them, and made a beeline for the front door, wiping the stinging water out of my eyes as I practically sprinted to my car.

I'd been on the road for about five minutes when my phone rang. It was Ted. I couldn't talk to him right now. I declined the call and then turned my phone off, so I could be alone with my thoughts as I made my way back home. I was jealous and hurt. Intellectually, I knew Ted didn't want me. He'd shown me that he only wanted to be friends on numerous occasions over the past several months that we've spent time together. I mean, he'd even introduced me to another man at his party. But still, knowing he didn't want me didn't take away from how I felt about him and how it felt seeing him with that other man. Now here I was, driving back home wiping tears from my eyes; a pathetic fool with a broken heart.

On the way home, I stopped off to get myself some comfort food at In-N-Out Burger and vegged-out on the sofa for the rest of the night. The next morning, when I turned my phone on, I had three text messages from Ted and two voice mails, that were probably from him too. I didn't read or listen to any of them. I didn't have the heart to deal with any of this just yet. I knew it made me weak not to face this head-on. But I just couldn't. So, I decided to treat myself to some "me time." I drove myself down to the beach and spent the day walking along the water, feeling the sand between my toes and letting the water wash over my feet.

The next couple days of the work week were uneventful. I tried to put on a brave face at work, but I think a few of my co-workers suspected something was off with me. One or two of them kept coming into my office to "check up on me" without actually outright asking me what was wrong. On Wednesday evening, I pulled into the parking lot of my building to a sight that made my heart drop. Ted's car was parked in the lot and he was sitting in it.

After I parked the car, I sat there and took a deep breath, trying to steel my nerves before I got out. Ted walked toward me with that smile on his face that always made my heart melt. "Ted...hey!" I tried to sound cheerful, but I'm sure I failed miserably.

"I'm surprised you remembered my name. You don't respond to my texts. You won't take my calls. I'm starting to take it personally!" He reached up and wrapped one of his arms around me to pat me on the back. I think he wanted to pull me into a hug, but I wasn't having any of that.

I looked up at him and tried to smile. "Sorry about that. I've been pretty busy..."

"Uh huh..." Ted said, doubt heavy in the tone of his voice. "Can I come in? I have something I want to set the record straight with you about. And, I have a feeling you've got something you might want to get off your chest too."

I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with any of this yet. But he was here. I couldn't very well send him away. "Sure. Come on up!" He followed me up the stairs and into my condo.

A few minutes - and a change out of my work clothes - later and we were seated in my living room. Him on my couch and me in a recliner. "What is it that you want to talk to me about, Ted?" It was stupid of me to play dumb. I knew very well what he wanted to talk to me about. But I didn't quite know what else to say.

"I want to talk with you about what happened on Saturday at my party."

"What do you mean?" God, I wanted to slap myself across the face. "Stop playing dumb, you moron! Act like a man!" I thought to myself.

"When you found me to tell me you were leaving and you saw Lucien and I."

Lucien. Even his NAME sounded pretentious...like he was just begging for me to dislike him. "Oh, right..." I sputtered out. "Yeah. I want to apologize again for interrupting. I had to leave and I didn't want to do it without letting you know I was going."

Ted grinned at me. "Now, you see... I have a feeling that you weren't actually going to leave until you saw Lucien and I. And this is what I wanted to set the record straight about."

"Ted, you really don't owe me an explanation. You don't answer to me when it comes to your love life." I was really not up for him telling me all about how he and Lucien were a hot and heavy item and hopefully, saying what I said would hint to him that he shouldn't tell me all about it.

"That's just it..." he started. Okay. Apparently, I WAS going to have to hear about the two of them... "There IS no love life to explain when it comes to Lucien."

"Not from where I stood on Saturday..." I chuckled.

"You don't understand." Ted looked at me intently. "Lucien and I aren't a couple. We aren't anything to each other except friends. And after Saturday, even that is tenuous."

"The way he was on you at your party and then how I found the two of you before I left, you can see how I'd find that hard to believe. Besides, if you're in a relationship. you don't have to tell me you're not."

"Let me explain, Jason. Lucien is more of a friend of a friend...one of my friends that you met at the party. He has a thing for me and usually he's very flirty, but that's as far as it's ever gone. I've told him on more than one occasion that I don't feel the same way about him. But, he was already drunk when he arrived at the party and spent half of the time trying to feel me up. I went back inside the house to get away from him, but he followed me inside and cornered me in that hallway. If you'd stuck around long enough, you would've noticed that I wasn't kissing him back. Okay, yeah. It felt good having him fondle me. It's been forever since anyone's done that to me. But I wasn't enjoying what he was doing. I'm actually glad you interrupted us. I didn't want to have to shove him off me and risk creating a scene at the party."

"I'm sorry, Ted. I'm sorry that I jumped to the wrong conclusion and I'm sorry that I made a complete and total ass out of myself."

He laughed. "You didn't. Trust me. I'm just sorry that the whole affair put a damper on you getting to know Luis. He tells me that he really likes you. I think he wants to get together with you again."

"Yeah..." I said, dejected at the thought that, even after we had just straightened-out this misunderstanding, I was still where I was with my feelings for Ted...on the short end of the stick.

"What's the matter? Luis said he thought the two of you really hit it off. You didn't like getting to know him?"

"Oh, no... No. Luis is a real nice guy and I enjoyed chatting with him. But there just wasn't a spark."

Ted actually smiled when I said that. "I know what you mean. Chemistry is a strange thing. Sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't."

"Yeah. I was finding myself distracted and actually came inside to get away from him, just like you did with Lucien. That's when I ran into the two of you."

"There goes my attempt at playing Cupid," he chuckled, but then turned serious. "Hey, I meant to ask you when we were talking about it earlier. Why DID you run out like that when you saw Lucien and I? I mean, it wasn't exactly my finest moment you had caught me in. But as I've gotten to know you over the past several months, I know you're no shrinking violet or prude. Why'd you leave the party?"

Now was the moment of truth. I'd been backed into a corner. I could do one of two things: I could lie to Ted and make up some cockamamie excuse that he probably wouldn't believe. Or, I could tell him the truth. I suppose it couldn't hurt to just be honest. After all, I was about 95% certain that Ted had no interest in a being more than my friend. What did I have to lose? All he'd do was confirm what I already knew. So, I stood up and he scooted over on the couch so I could sit down. There we were: he on one and and me on the other, facing each other. "Can I be honest with you, Ted?"

"We've been friends for this long now, Jason. I would hope you can be honest with me."

"Okay. This isn't going to necessarily be easy for me to say. But, I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway. Ted, I have feelings for you." He didn't really show any kind of reaction on his face one way or the other, so I just kept on talking. "It started out as a crush when we first met. But it's grown into more than that. I think about you at least once a day. I'll admit, sometimes it's in a sexual context, but it isn't always. Sometimes, just thinking about us spending time together puts a smile on my face. I like the way I feel when we spend time together. You're one of the most decent - not to mention one of the handsomest - guys I've ever known. And when I walked into you house on Saturday and saw you and Lucien kissing, it was as if my heart had just been ripped out. That's why I had to leave. There was no way I could stay without ending up a blubbering mess."

I couldn't look at him. My eyes averted down into my lap. He wasn't saying anything back to me. But I was too scared to look at his face. Suddenly, he reached over with his thumb and index finger and put them under my chin, raising it up to bring my eyes to his. Unexpectedly, he had a smile on his face. "I kind of figured..."

"Was I that obvious?"

"A little. I mean, it wasn't hard to miss the way you looked at me."

"Hmmmmm... Now, I'm thoroughly embarrassed."

"You shouldn't be. " Ted said, still smiling at me. Looking into his eyes, I'd never noticed how warm they were. "It's never a bad thing when you have the type of feelings for someone that you have for me. Besides... I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same way about you."

His words hit me like a thunderbolt. I wasn't expecting this. A polite and kind let-down was more what I was expecting, but not "I feel the same way about you," what was I supposed to do with that? The first thing I did was smile at him. I smiled so broadly, I thought my face might break. But two questions hung in the back of my mind that I'd hate myself later if I didn't ask. "If you feel the same way about me as I feel about you, why didn't you tell me? And why in the world did you try to fix me up with Luis?"

"The answer to those two questions is the same. Look at us, Jason. How could we possibly have a successful outcome as a couple? I'm almost 63 years old and you're 34. I'm almost 30 years older than you. I could be your father, for Pete's sake! I'm almost certainly going to die before you. As deeply as I care for you, I'm not going to sentence you to - at around the same age as I am now - have to start your life over. Let me tell you, at this age, trying to find love is no easy task. And that's if our relationship even lasts. If either one of us got our hearts broken, I couldn't stand it!"

Suddenly, where I had been fearful and weak before, I was the strong one. I reached over and put my hand over top of his. "Ted... There's always the risk of a broken heart when it comes to relationships. If it means I get to be with you in the end, I'm more than willing to take the risk. As for the age difference, I couldn't care less how much older than me you are. And I don't give a damn what any other person - my parents, your friends, my co-workers, or anyone - might have to say about it. Love is love and age isn't anything but a number." A huge smile formed on Ted's face. I could see that I'd gotten to him. "Do you remember that day, you came and made me breakfast after I got sick on your boat the day before and I told you that chemistry makes all the difference to me when it comes to a relationship?"

"I do."

"I feel like there's an undeniable chemistry between us. I don't feel like I have to hold anything back with you. We seem to be on the same wavelength and I know you won't judge me or hurt me."

"I know what you mean. I'd felt the same thing between us. I'd been trying to push it down and push it away because I didn't think a relationship between us would ever last if you ever found out how I felt about you and wanted to try..."

I rubbed my hand over his and smiled at him. "What do you think now?"

"I won't lie. The age difference does still concern me...but mostly because for you, not for me. But, I have to say..." he took my hand in both of his. "I REALLY wanna see if there's a relationship that might come out of this chemistry we seem to have with each other."

"Then let's take the plunge. Let's see what's out there waiting for us." For a moment, we just smiled at each other, but there was something else on my mind. "Ted, do you mind if I do something that I've wanted to do since the first day I opened my front door and saw you standing there?"

He looked at me halfway skeptically. "What's that?"

"Just this..." I leaned forward. He must've understood where this was going, because he reached up, placed his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me into our first kiss. It was a soft, slow, passionate kiss that went from closed-mouth to open-mouth and lasted for several minutes. This is exactly what I'd wanted to do with Ted for as long as I could remember...just sit on the couch and make out with him. After several minutes of kissing - and stopping briefly to smile and chuckle goofily at each other - I reached up and rubbed my hand across his chest over his shirt. My fingers found the top button of his shirt and started to unbutton it and the rest of them.

Suddenly, he brought his hands up and pulled mine off of his shirt, breaking our kiss. "Let's not go there yet, Jason." When I gave him a questioning look, he explained, "If we're going to try this, I wanna do it right. I don't want to rush things. We've only been friends up until now. I want to wine and dine you. I want to earn the right for us to move things to that level. Are you okay with that?"

As old-fashioned of a concept as it was, there was also something incredibly romantic about it. "Sure. We can take it slow."

"Great!" He looked at his watch. "I'd better get going. I have some errands to run and I'm sure you have some things to do before you have to hit the hay." He got up off the sofa and I followed him to my front door. "I'm really glad we had this talk tonight. I'm glad we straightened things out and put our feelings on the table."

"Me too." I reached up and rubbed my hand across his chest. "How about we do dinner this weekend? You up for that."

He smiled at me. "Absolutely!"

"Okay, cool. I'll pick the place and text you."

"I look forward to it," he said as he started to turn the knob to open the door. He stopped and then turned around, put his arms around me and pulled me into another kiss. He rubbed his hands down the side of my face after the kiss broke, then opened the door to leave. "See you soon!"

Over the next few weeks, Ted and I spent a lot more time together. We did many of the same things we'd done together before, but they all took on a whole new meaning now that we were a couple. It was exciting having PDA with him. We also spent more time staying in - either at my condo or his house - making out on the couch. I was feeling the happiest I'd ever felt. Dating Ted was an amazing feeling. But I was hoping the time would finally come that we would take our relationship to the next level.

One evening, we ended up back at his place after a particularly romantic dinner date. Our make out session on his sofa was getting particularly hot and heavy. At one point, he parted our kiss and looked into my eyes. Without breaking his gaze, he reached down and started unbuttoning his shirt. Wordlessly, my eyes questioned, "is it time?" He simply nodded his head slightly, reading my thoughts. I reached up and replaced his hands with mine, finishing the job of opening his shirt. I knew he had a hairy chest. I'd seen it sticking out of the neck of his shirts from time to time. But seeing him bare-chested for the first time was perfect. I could tell he was fit, but his chest wasn't so buff that it looked like he was a gymrat. I placed both my hands on his pecs, rubbing my hand over them, feeling his salt and pepper chest hair. Occasionally, I'd reach over and tweak his nipples, causing Ted to moan. I tested the waters to see how much farther he'd let me go. My hands traveled down to his pants and began loosening his belt buckle, pulling it out of the loops on his pants and letting it fall to the floor. Before I unbuttoned his jeans, I looked into his eyes, searching for his assent. He nodded his head again. Tonight was the night... I couldn't have been more elated. I had his pants in a crumple on the floor in no time. Now, he was just sitting there in his tighty-whiteys, his hard cock creating a tent. I leaned down, looking up into his eyes and took his cock head into my mouth through the fabric. He inhaled sharply when my lips touched the head and his whole cock flexed. After a few minutes, that spot of his briefs was a nearly translucent mix of my saliva and his precum. I reached up and started to peel his briefs down so I could finally see what I'd longed to see for nearly a year now when he stopped me.

"Let me see you, Jason. Take your clothes off for me." For a moment, I froze. It wasn't a total hang-up for me. But I was always a little body-conscious. I wouldn't call myself fat or even overweight, but I had a little bit of a gut from not always eating healthy and my chest didn't quite compare to Ted's because I didn't workout as often as I should. I wondered if he would be turned-off by the sight of me naked. But then I remembered how safe and warm Ted always made me feel. He and I had come this far. It was time that I open myself up completely to him and trusted him and his feelings for me. I stood up and, while he watched me in rapt attention, his hand fondling his still-tented underwear-clad bulge, I took off my shirt. After my clothes lay in a pile on his living room floor, I was only in my boxer-briefs, which looked like they were even more tented-out than Ted's underwear. He was still watching me. "Keep going, Babe. Let me see ALL of you..." After I stood back straight up after I pushed my underwear to the floor and stepped out of them, Ted had a look of total desire on his face. "God... You're beautiful. So fuckin' perfect!" He reached for me, wrapped his arm around my waist (grabbing an ass cheek in the process) and pulled me down on top of him. We resumed our kissing, our hands roaming over each others bodies. Finally, he broke the kiss after a few minutes. "Why don't we move this party upstairs?"

Unable to stop myself from smiling, I replied, "Yes. Let's do..."

Moments later, we were in his bedroom. I was laying on his bed, watching intently as he removed his own underwear, giving me a first look at that cock that I'd only been able to fantasize about up until now. He was perfect. I'm not going to lie. It wasn't like he was 10 inches long and 6 inches around, or anything like that. He was average-sized...but he was perfect to me. Grinning like a high school kid who was about to get lucky, Ted knelt on the bed and lay on top of me, our mouths meeting in yet another passionate kiss as our hard cocks rubbed against each other.

That night, we sucked each other off and, despite not being sure it was a good idea to move to that level yet, he fucked me. Afterward, we lay there, kissing each other, our hands exploring each other, just basking in the afterglow of something we'd both wanted for a long time. Ted broke the kiss. "So... Was it everything you hoped it would be? Did I live up to whatever fantasies you may have had?"

"My God..." I exhaled. "All of them and then some." I leaned up and kissed him softly. "This was the best night of my life!"

He chuckled, and said, "Good." and leaned down to kiss me again.

"What about you?" I asked. "I hope I wasn't TOO clumsy..."

"Are you kidding? You were amazing! I'll echo what you just said. Best night of my life...hands down!" We started kissing again...and this time, we didn't stop.

Moving out to L.A. to get a fresh start on my life turned out to be the best thing I ever did. There was no doubt about it. I was in love with Ted Masterson. And judging the way he looked at me, kissed me, touched me...he felt the same way about me. The next challenge for us would arrive in a few weeks when my parents arrived for a week-long visit. I was certain they'd have their objections. But I feel like, because Ted and I did things 'right' and took the time to build the foundation of our relationship, we would come out of it stronger. This was the man I was meant to be with. It didn't happen overnight and it definitely wasn't easy getting here. But now that I was here, there was no other place I'd rather be.