"A Gift for Graduation"
by
Timothy Stillman
"Touch the sun and run. It's a lucky day."
The Association
"Goodbye, Columbus"
"I'm sorry."
"Oh, it's okay."
"Usually, a guy apologizes when he CAN'T get it up."
"We're different."
"I guess it wouldn't matter if I told you you aren't the reason it's--well--"
"I'm looking right at it. You can say the word. I see the real thing."
"Oh."
"And no."
"No what?"
"It wouldn't matter if you told me I wasn't the reason for--that-- for quite obviously I am--"
"Hey, come on, that stings."
"Sorry. Just flicked it a little. You know, a laugh wouldn't hurt your lips if it escaped from them every now and then."
"Oh."
"Well, what if I---"
"What?"
"Said you're the reason--you know."
"It's rubbery."
"Come on. Stop it."
"And has a chewy soft center."
"Please, Linda."
"Okay. You are saying--a-hem--I AM the reason for its--delicate condition?"
"Well...."
"Then you're a fraud and we are through."
"No. Wait."
"Well...I mean....after all..."
"I'm---shhhh-- gay. Don't tell anyone."
"Okay."
"You're pretty, Linda."
"How do you mean?"
"Well...."
"That does it, buster. I'm why you got it up. I mean it's understandable. But not with you, after all. I'm naked here with naked you and you are horny as all get out for me. Because you're straight. Because I'm head cheerleader. Because you're like every other boy in the whole damned world-- a liar, and this was just to get alone with me, and spring the sprung. I've seen 'Pillow Talk' too, bub. Good night, Freckle Boy."
"Wait...."
"I'll just find my panties first. Where did those things go? Hell, how will I ever live this down cause your penis won't go down... I mean, that's nothing to have to live down, but, god this is confusing...."
"I am gay. I am. I am. I cry every night dreaming about Joel. I want him till I can't see straight. See? I can't even see straight? I see gay. See? Please. It's prom night. Please. The night's warm. The summer's sweet. They're skinny dipping over at the pond there. We're alone."
"Proving you are a liar. And pretty lousy when it comes to exposition too. That's a line if I ever heard one. Probably stayed up three hours last night practicing it."
"One hour mostly. One hour and a half. Tops."
"You think it's cute and people will forgive you for being whatever your silly little ass self is. And everything else. Well, bud, not me."
"I'm hard cause you're the first person to see me naked like this."
"Cause you're seeing me, right?"
"No. I'd be hard if Gabby Hayes saw me like this."
"Well, that's just sick. Insulting and sick."
"I mean--god--that IS sick, isn't it? I'm sorry. It's the situation is what I mean. The idea. Honest Linda, I'm gay. It's Joel for me. Always has been. Always will. But here we are and the other kids over there in the moonlight, little white butts flashing as they dive in under the bone moon. It's the thing I'm supposed to want to do, to be, and it's all the stuff underneath that's wrong."
"We could have sex if you're really gay."
"What?"
"You heard me. We could have sex if you're really gay."
"Linda?"
"God you look scared to death. Maybe I believe you."
"You mean---"
"Yes, Bobby Onslott?"
"Linda, are you sure?"
"Of course. You think I would have let you be my date at the prom tonight, let everybody laugh their fool heads off, if you were straight?"
"I'm lost."
"They think I'm going to change you to a heterosexual. I'm known for my good deeds. And this was going to be the last good deed of my high school career. I will tell them it's none of their business, if they ask, and believe me they will ask. But it's a lie. I don't want to change you. I want to be safe with you. Because I'm tired of being pawed. And you're a nice guy."
"And safe. And stupid. And a breather from the breathers, right?"
"Lie back a little. Here. That's better. You're smooth. Your body, I mean. You've got talc on it. Don't squirm away. It's sweet. Smells good. You smell like my orange fragrant bubble bath. No, you dummy, that's a compliment. And a definite change of place. The boys I've been with smell of old horsehide. They think it and the fur that covers them means something or other to me. You're smoother than me even. I like that a lot."
"I don't shave my chest or legs, really, I don't. I'm almost hairless all on my own. That's further proof, isn't it?"
"I would say so. Here, cuddle closer. Course one thing...."
"Oh."
"You don't even know what I'm going to say yet, and you're already defeated. But...hmmmm....not deflated."
"Oh. Well, your hand is the first hand other than mine..."
"I will have sex with you, Bobby Onslott, if you are gay."
"Well...it doesn't make much sense. I mean, if I'm gay...."
"Well...I'm not pulling a Catch 22 on you or anything."
"Aren't you?"
"Seduction 101?"
"What?"
"Nothing. I've had sex with tedious unimaginative dull as dishwater straight boys, Bobby Onslott, till I'm blue in the pussy. And most of them are, no, all of them, are selfish as the day is long. In and out one two three and I'm supposed to be their slaves for life, because they're the stars of the football team, and I have bright white teeth in perfect condition--cause my dad's an orthodontist and they wouldn't dare be in any other shape, work on them's free too, of course--and I have blonde hair and breath like mint, and I'm shapely and just thin enough and I've got high cheekbones..."
"Like Joel."
"What?"
"Like Joel. I mean, that's the other reason, the main under reason I'm hard as a frozen carp. I mean you look like Sandy Dennis and Sandy Dennis looks like Joel. Fine. Great. Finally figured it out."
"Who's Sandy Dennis?"
"A beautiful movie actress. She was in 'Sweet November' and "The Fox' and 'Up The Down Staircase' and...."
"Yeah. You're a homo."
"Why? I mean, yes. But have you found another reason?"
"You live for movies. And always the girls roles, too."
"And for books. Like, did you ever read D.H. Lawrence's novella, 'The Fox'--it's incredible, the way Jill is described, Sandy played her in the movie, it's virtually an exact physical description of Sandy, and even the way she talks, and her mannerisms and everything--it's like he was describing her specifically, but that's not possible because he wrote that in--"
(Long pause.)
"Why'd you do that?"
"To shut you up."
"Oh."
"I've never known a homo before, Bobby Onslott."
"Ah, Linda, could you not call me a homo? I mean it's kinda degrading."
"OK, sorry."
"Your breath really does smell like mint."
"Mmmmm...and I don't chew gum or anything to get that mint aroma either. It's totally natural."
"Y-yes."
"Why won't you look at me all the way, Bobby Onslott? You keep looking at me at an angle. Are you squinting, Bobby Onslott?"
"I'm scared. That way you're not all the way naked, you know?"
"Yes. I know. Does Joel ever hold you like this?"
"He doesn't know I'm alive."
"But you said you and he were friends."
"I'm kind of in a crowd of his--friends."
"Ever talk to him about how you feel?"
"Get out."
"Okay."
"Wait!! It's just an expression."
"OK."
"I mean, I have to do it his way. I mean, he says hi to me in the hall I blush and stammer and it's all I can do to keep from dancing. I hide his hi in my heart forever more."
"You mean, a simple hi can make you want to dance in the hall? In school? Where they'd kill you if you did even two or three steps? Oh yeah, you're homosexual. If Joel told you to jump off a bridge--"
" Yes. I'd kill myself to win his love."
"You are so homosexual."
"They used to call it being musical."
"What?"
"In old movies, musical meant gay."
"Explain that."
"I have no clue."
"Here. Put your hand on my breast. Come on. It's not like a hot stove. It won't burn you. OK, that's good. Is it like touching Joel? The flesh, I mean? I mean, I know he doesn't have boobs."
"You're so soft, Linda."
"You're soft too, Bobby Onslott, except that fellow between your legs."
(long pause, mutual fondling occurs. In the distance, sounds of kids splashing around in the pond, giggles, slaps, laughs, an occasional "o come on already, one time, who's gonna know, it's not goin' to make ya pregnant for Christ's sake or something,' the sounds of crickets, the squeak of the heat and humidity)
"It's how to get to girls, Bobby Onslott."
"Mmmmm?"
"Being gay."
"What?"
"Didn't you figure it out when I asked you to the prom?"
"No."
"Oh yeah, you were too busy sticking your eyes back in your head cause they popped out when I asked you. See, Bobby Onslott, I'll clue you in, girls like guys who are sensitive. They don't really like prehistoric hirsute beef jerkeys. They honestly don't. Oh some do, but some girls get turned on by fire hydrants. But not the girls who count. Even the ones who do like their men prehistoric, see, it's the gentleness inside the beast that gets to them. King Kong in love with Faye Wray and all."
"Yeah, I guess."
"The reason God made hom--gay--musical" (Laugh) "men like you was to drive girls nuts. We love gay guys. We can't get enough of them. Least this is what I've read and what we girls talk about sometimes, not exactly this, but this is what it boils down to. Girls love girls. Not lezzies or--sorry--lesbians or anything like that--we love boys, don't get me wrong, but we love the feminine qualities in boys most of all. Straight boys can never admit to anything along those lines. That's why they kill people like you. But...anyway...see?"
"I wish you would see me cum, Linda. I'm kinda almost there now. I mean you rub it great."
"And you're thinking about Joel's hand and not mine, right?"
"Exactly, Linda. Whoops...."
"Wow. Better than Rick Foley even. Not bad at all. Creamy and light on the calories. Sorry, Bobby Onslott, I'm not being mean or anything. It's pretty impressive a--well--could cum that much."
"A nerd?"
"Well, high school lingo. I didn't mean anything by it."
"It's okay."
"We are of our times and where we go to school."
"I know, Linda."
"It tastes good."
"LINDA!"
" I don't go around tasting cum, Bobby Onslott. Honest. I only blew one boy-- Rick-- once. King Halfback and all. It tasted like a sweat sock. Almost upchucked. But yours..nice..like.. mint."
"Come on."
"Really."
"Another reason I could be gay."
"Musical."
(they laugh)
"Hey, Bobby Onslott."
"Yes, Linda Jessup?"
"You really wanted to come to the prom with me tonight and then out here?"
"Sure. I was scared, you know. Petrified. Still am. Embarrassed, better believe it."
"Yeah, I know. I'm scared too."
"You're just saying that."
"No. Honest. I mean, I always have to look my best too. And to be naked with a boy who doesn't like girls...what would he think of me? I mean I don't have his hormones on my side, doing the work for me."
"Well, Linda, I think you look pretty....I mean really really pretty...I would say even beautiful...."
"Oh."
"No. Don't pull back. I'm gay. You wanted me to go to the prom. And out here. So here I am. I kept waiting, keep waiting, for the punch line."
"You always do what other people tell you?"
"Yes."
"You ever do things your own way?"
"I guess not."
"I'm glad you came with me, Bobby Onslott. But I wish you would do things cause you want to, or not do things cause you don't want to, not because somebody told you to or didn't."
"Yeah. I know. I'm a dish rag. But I've told you the truth."
"Because that's what you think I want you to say or because you want to say it?"
"Well, in this case, both. I'm not using it as a come on. Honest. I love Joel. Always have. Always will."
"Well....are you sure?"
"Sure. I couldn't you know do that with you cause I'd just deflate like a kid's balloon and I'd be real ashamed."
"You mean, like sexual intercourse?"
(Bobby nods shyly.)
"Shy is good. Talk is good. You know how much talk I ever got out of Ricky Foley or Johnny Lattimer? Let me fuck ya baby one two three four and was it good for you too baby? come on let's get drunk. Not Shakespeare. Or Tennessee Williams either."
"You like to read?"
"No, but I know you do and Tennessee Williams is a big deal to people like you, I'm told."
"Who told you?"
"Look...."
"One of your football boy friends? Who's a little limp wristed himself? Little haha on me, this is?"
"No, come on, forget it. It doesn't matter. Christ what is wrong? What's wrong with your stomach? Why are you so hunched over? God you're trembling. Are you going to heave?"
(shivery moments pass by)
Then:
"It's a joke, isn't it, Linda? Your football lays put you up to this. And somebody's going to turn a spotlight on me any minute and somebody is taking pictures right now and I'll be black mailed for the rest of my life and never get into a good college and everybody will laugh me into Kingdom Come...."
"For god's sake, Bobby Onslott, relax already. This is no game. No joke. I am not an idiot. I do watch TV and read the occasional book and newspaper and I have read three Tennessee Williams plays, after all. Christ, I think we're a little bigot if you want to know the truth. Just because I can handle a mean baton--you got a good baton too, Bobby Onslott--no kidding-- like nobody's business, on fire even, twirling it between my legs, and not burn one hair of my twat off, you think I'm crude or something...."
"You sure?"
"Unwind. You look like a mashed together sandwich."
"Sure?"
"Sure, Bobby Onslott."
"Do you know Joel?"
"No. I don't. He's still in tenth, right? But I can ask around this summer if you want. He gay or straight?"
"As an arrow."
"Maybe he has a girl friend. Maybe she likes him cause he looks like Sandy Dennis too. And she could talk to him about--you know--sensitive boys--and how girls like boys who are--sensitive--and maybe, who can say?, maybe we could all get together for our own private skinny dip sometime? Like that? Oh there he goes again. You are a good kid, Bobby Onslott. I'm happy to make your acquaintance."
"Hold me, Linda Jessup."
"Bobby Onslott?"
"Mmmmm?"
"I turn you on a little, don't I?"
"Yes. I say it cause its true. A little."
"Sigh."
"Sigh."
Happy graduation, everybody.