Hi everyone! Let's take care of all the regular stuff - I don't mean to imply that anyone in 'N Sync is gay, blah blah blah, if you don't like it, don't read it, blah blah blah ... Feedback would be much appreciated, send it to stacia_marie76@hotmail.com ... This isn't a story revolving around sex, but who knows? ... some will probably find its way in here eventually. Now on with the story ...
"Okay, just don't move, okay?" a nervous voice said. "I don't want to cut you."
"You're not going to cut me, J, don't worry about it," another voice said reassuringly.
Justin was sitting on the bathroom sink counter, wearing only a pair of track pants and holding a razor in one hand and a can of shaving cream in the other. JC was sitting in a chair in front of him, looking up at him expectantly.
"Who's idea was this again anyway?" Justin asked him.
"Oh, come on," JC coaxed, "it'll be fun. And sexy."
"I've never shaved for anyone else before," Justin said, biting his lip. "What if I cut you?"
"You won't cut me. Don't be so scared. I know you wouldn't hurt me."
"Not on purpose anyway."
Justin put some shaving cream on his hand and applied some to JC's face. Wiping his hand off on a towel, he leaned in towards JC with the razor. Suddenly, he pulled back and set the razor down. "I can't do this," he said firmly.
"Justin, I don't understand."
"I don't want to cut you. Because then that's like, I did that to you."
JC reached for Justin's hand. "Think of it as a little love scratch."
Justin laughed. "No, really," JC continued, "if you cut me, you cut me. No big deal. It'll just be a little nick. I do that to myself all the time. Come on, Justin, it'll be okay."
Justin picked up the razor again and sighed. "Okay." He gently ran the razor over the left side of JC's jaw and then over the right. When Justin was all done, he dropped the razor in the sink and leaned forward to kiss JC.
"See, that wasn't so bad," JC told him when they pulled apart.
"Nope," Justin agreed, jumping off the counter.
"Is that all I get?" JC asked him. "A morning kiss? You're such a tease."
Justin stuck his middle finger up at him without turning around. "Maybe when I get a morning blow job, I'll up the ante."
JC ran after Justin, tackling him onto the bed. Justin rolled over onto his back, out of breath from laughter. "I didn't mean now."
JC buried his face in Justin's neck. "I didn't either," he said, his voice muffled.
Justin could feel JC's slow steady breaths on his neck. He closed his eyes in happiness as JC wrapped his arms around him and just held him. "I love you, Josh."
JC smiled. Justin hardly ever called him Josh; it was something unofficially reserved for special moments. "I love you too, Justin," he said back.
"I wish we didn't have to do anything today," Justin complained. "I just wanna stay in the hotel room with you."
JC let go of his embrace and sat up. "Now don't be getting all whiny on me, Justin. Besides, what would we do all day?"
Justin raised his eyebrow at him. "Anything you want," he said suggestively.
JC laughed and rubbed a little spot of Justin's stomach. "Maybe not anything," he said.
Justin suddenly became serious. "It's okay, isn't it?" he asked, sitting up also. "It's okay that we're not having sex, right?"
JC looked back at Justin with a startled gaze. "Of course it is."
Justin lowered his eyelashes. "Because we can do that, you know? If you want to."
"Justin." JC cupped his chin in his hands and lifted his face so they were at eye level. "Look at me. I love being with you. I don't need to have sex with you to love you."
"You don't need to, but you want to?" Justin said, his eyes full of question marks.
"I don't want to do anything you don't want to do," JC answered. "And that's the honest truth. When we finally have sex, I want you to be comfortable. That's what'll make it perfect, okay?"
"Okay," Justin replied.
JC looked deep into Justin's eyes. He had a feeling that Justin wasn't convinced. JC combed his fingers slowly through Justin's curls. "I love you, Justin. Everything about you, just the person that you are - why would sex change that? It wouldn't make me love you more or less."
Justin smiled somewhat shyly. He wasn't used to this kind of passion. JC took comfort in his happier expression and kissed him. Breaking away, JC stood up. "Come on, Justin," he said. "We gotta get ready or we're going to be late."
Justin hopped off the bed. "Okay."
Later that morning, 'N Sync piled into a limousine to go to a photo shoot. Lance and Joey were talking about a girl that Joey had met the night before in a club. Chris was on his cell phone, talking to his girlfriend, Danielle. Justin and JC were sitting next to each other, of course.
"You're quiet," JC observed.
"Tired," Justin responded quickly, in a child's voice.
"Oh, my poor baby," JC teased. Justin leaned into JC and rested his head on his shoulder while grabbing his arm.
JC was kind of glad that Justin wasn't in the mood to talk. He needed some time to think. His mind flashed back to the events of that morning. JC frowned to himself when he remembered how unsure Justin had been about the whole sex thing. He didn't know what else he could do to make him feel more at ease. He had meant what he said, every word - it didn't matter to him if he and Justin had sex anytime soon.
JC loved Justin in ways he had never dreamed possible. They had been best friends for so long, and JC was initially worried that a more than platonic relationship would screw up the incredible dynamic that they had together, but it only made everything better. It strengthened their faith in one another and reassured their hearts that they would never be lonely again.
Lance, Joey, and Chris had been nothing but loving and supportive when JC and Justin revealed the true nature of their relationship to them. They had been surprised at the news that both JC and Justin were gay, but it was a good kind of surprise. Lance never even flinched the first time they kissed in front of him and Chris was just so happy that Justin had found someone that Chris actually liked, too. Joey had joked that he and Justin couldn't go out looking for hot girls anymore, but that was okay, since Justin already had someone with a hot body.
But what had made JC feel so good about coming out was how the other guys acted around him and Justin on a daily basis. Nothing changed. Lance, Joey, and Chris never felt awkward about changing in front of him. As Chris stated, "Dude, why would you be staring at my ass when Justin's right over there?" If JC put his arm around Lance, it was a friendly gesture, not some kind of perverted come-on. JC and Justin knew that the other guys would be fine with it. They were that close that something like sexuality made no difference.
JC and Justin should have been happy. And they were, without a doubt. From the moment JC's eyes opened in the morning and he looked down at the sweet little angel in his arms to the moment his eyes closed again to be greeted by Justin-filled dreams - JC was happy every minute of the day. But of course, they did have their problems.
The sex issue was only one of them. Both of them had had sex with girls before, but JC was the only one who had had sex with another man. He felt that he was ready to consummate the relationship, but he knew that Justin wasn't, so he tried as hard as he could to seem disinterested in sex in hopes that Justin wouldn't feel pressured. Lately though, Justin's insecurities were becoming more and more visible.
Or maybe JC was just becoming more aware? Maybe he hadn't been paying enough intuitive attention to Justin before. JC felt like kicking himself. He claimed he loved Justin but he was the source of Justin's uneasiness and couldn't seem to provide a cure. Some loving boyfriend he was. There had to be something JC could do. He wasn't quite sure why Justin was so hesitant about sex anyway - it's not like he'd never had it before, but if Justin didn't want to do it, then JC was more than fine with it.
It wasn't that they weren't having sex that bothered JC. It was the fact that Justin wasn't totally comfortable with JC. And compared to that, JC really didn't give a fuck about what they did in bed (no pun intended). Didn't Justin trust him, after everything they had been through? JC was desperate to fix this problem in the relationship. It also really bothered him that it was making Justin unhappy. JC had decided a long time ago that that's all that mattered to him. That was his mission in life - to make sure that Justin was happy.
Justin was his little angel. Justin always blushed when JC called him that, but that was JC's affectionate nickname for him, and Justin loved it. JC loved how Justin would look at him with those wide, trusting eyes. How he was always humming to himself. How he would giggle when something was just so funny that he couldn't help himself.
He could always make JC laugh. Always. God, that kid was funny as hell. Justin could send JC into fits of convulsive laughter just by making a stupid face or a silly noise. JC even thought Justin's corny jokes were funny. JC could go on and on about him, and he usually did, until interrupted.
This time, the interruption was a terrible cramp in his left shoulder. Justin was still leaning into him and using the left side of his body as a pillow while he slept. JC was tempted to shift his position for a second. He looked down at Justin. His head was resting on JC's shoulder and his eyelids were fluttering a bit. He looked so sweet and peaceful, JC didn't have the heart to disturb him.
Five minutes later, though, he couldn't take it anymore. His shoulder was burning. JC gently shook Justin, who woke up and looked at him with a mixture of confusion and sleepiness. "Are we there already?" he asked softly.
"No, not yet, sweetie," JC said. "My shoulder's just starting to hurt a little, that's all."
"Okay," Justin nodded sleepily. He started to sit up.
"Oh, Justin, you can go back to sleep," JC insisted. "Just use my lap as a pillow, instead, okay?"
Justin laid his head on JC's lap and curled his body up into a little ball so he could fit on the seat. In five seconds flat, he was asleep again. JC reached down and rubbed the back of Justin's neck gently.
"I am so jealous of you two," Lance declared, but not loud enough to wake Justin up.
JC looked at Lance, surprised. "Why?"
"Because look at what you have. You've already found your soulmate. That perfect person. I get the feeling I'll always be looking, but I'll never find that."
"What are you talking about?" Joey joked. "You already did. I believe she goes by the name 'Topanga'?"
"Don't start with me," Lance warned, holding up his hand.
Chris and Joey started laughing. Justin stirred a bit at the commotion, causing JC to shush the other boys. Joey and Lance glanced at each other quickly. They knew that Justin wouldn't wake up - it took a lot more than that to do that. They thought JC always fussed over Justin a little too much, but they knew it was out of concern and love. That's the way things were - JC took care of Justin and Justin was always there, waiting to be taken care of. They both naturally fell into these roles and felt comfortable with them.
The limo came to a final halt and JC woke Justin up. "We're here, honey," JC said.
Justin rubbed his eyes and sat up. "Okay."
Justin was buttoning up his gray shirt when he felt a pair of arms wrapped around him. "Hey, baby," JC greeted.
"Hi, Josh."
JC stepped around in front of Justin. "That shirt looks great on you. You've always looked good in gray."
Justin blushed a bit. He dropped his hands from the shirt buttons and clasped JC's hands in his. "Why am I so lucky to have you?" he whispered.
JC leaned forward so their foreheads were touching. "I don't know, but someone in heaven must really love me."
Justin smiled and pecked JC's lips lightly. "C'mon, I have to get dressed."
JC let go of Justin's hands and began playing with Justin's belt. "Dressed ... undressed ..." he sang teasingly.
"Maybe later," Justin replied, laughing. JC was glad to see an absence of tension on Justin's part after the sexual allusion. He started to button up Justin's shirt for him.
JC then looped a finger around one of Justin's brown curls and tugged lightly. "Look at this hair," he said.
"Do you think I should cut it?" Justin asked him a little self-consciously.
"Is it a little too long?"
"No, no, I love it," JC informed him, running his fingers across Justin's scalp.
"Well, as long as you like it," Justin said.
"No, as long as YOU like it," JC corrected. "It shouldn't matter what I think."
"Yes it does."
JC's frown was almost unnoticeable, but Justin saw it. They knew each other too well for him not to. "What did I say?" Justin asked.
JC shook his head as if waking up from a daydream. "The only thing that matters is that you like it," he repeated. "Don't base things on what I think."
Justin internally cringed. 'You're always doing that,' he told himself. 'Why do you always have to fuck things up?'
Joey burst in suddenly. "Sorry, am I interrupting any copping of feels?" he asked.
JC took his hands off Justin's head. "No, nothing R rated."
"The photographer's all ready to go. Come on, you two. You can get all lovey dovey with each other later."
JC turned to smile at Justin, who smiled back after a moment's hesitation. No time for romance when they were on the job.
Lance collapsed onto the hotel bed after a hard day's work. Photo shoots always proved to be tiring. Always smiling the same fake smile flash after flash after flash. It got pretty old after the first few thousand times.
He kicked off his shoes and settled in for a night alone in his room. Closing his eyes, his mind got lost in his thoughts.
Above all else, Lance was happy for Justin and JC. He was so unbelievably happy that he sometimes started to glow just thinking about them. He had to admit to himself though, as hard as it was - he did have conflicting feelings about their relationship, and he felt horrible about it.
He remembered when things really were just the five of them. Sure, they had other people in their lives - friends, family, girls they were dating - but when it came down to it, it was really the five of them.
Now Chris had Danielle and all of his energy was split between the group and her. Justin and JC had each other and obviously wanted to spend a lot of their time alone. Joey could always make Lance laugh and always made him feel welcome to hang out with him, but Joey's idea of fun wasn't always Lance's. Sometimes Lance didn't want to go clubbing until four in the morning, or go out drinking for the sake of drinking.
So where did that leave him? Usually on his own on some level or other. He was okay with that; he didn't mind so much. But sometimes he looked back on the way things were when they didn't have anyone to take their attention away from each other. They would hang out all the time, day in and day out.
Lance missed that.
He never counted on Chris being around in his down time. Whenever he felt like hanging out with Justin, he thought twice about it and decided not to ask him to do anything. Why would Justin want to spend time with Lance, his friend, over JC, his boyfriend?
And to make matters worse, Lance felt like he wasn't being a good friend by thinking all these things. He hated slightly begrudging some of the byproducts of his best friends' relationships, and the situation they left him in. He knew it seemed worse than it really was because he didn't have anyone for himself. Maybe once he found a girl right for him, he would forget about that empty feeling deep inside of him.
Kind of an abrupt place to end, I know, but I'm creatively blocked right now. Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think, and I'll get the next installment out as soon as I can!