Hi everyone! Back with another chapter, I hope you like it. Any and all e-mails are appreciated! It's perfectly okay if you read the story but don't e-mail me, but just to let you know, I do love the e-mail!
[Shameless plug] Visit my website at http://www.geocities.com/alternatensync/ ... this story is posted there in an html format.
Usual disclaimer ... usual everything.
Justin and JC trooped upstairs and left Karen alone in the kitchen. She sighed involuntarily. What a day.
She had so many questions swimming around in her head, and no answers yet. She could talk to JC about it in depth later. She was still too shocked to really think about it yet.
She wanted to talk to him about it rationally and with a clear head. Karen knew that homosexuality wasn't something that you could change. She supposed she just had to accept it. She did harbor a small hope that JC really wasn't gay; maybe he was just confused. She felt guilty for wanting to have a straight son, but she couldn't help it. It was a natural reaction.
Karen did take some comfort in the fact that his boyfriend - as strange as her son having a boyfriend was - was Justin. A boy she trusted. She didn't want her son with just any man. For some reason, Justin was okay. He was ... safe.
She opened the refrigerator to figure out what to cook. More than anything, Karen wanted JC to just explain it all to her. She felt a little stricken that she seemed to know so little about him. She had wanted to hit him with a barrage of questions when he made his revelation, but when she saw how scared he was, she bit them back. She didn't want JC to be scared of her, and of how she would react. She didn't want to be that kind of mother.
For right now, Karen just wanted JC to know that she would still love him, in spite of everything and anything. He needed support right now, not distance and unacceptance.
Karen continued to stare at the open refrigerator. "Mom, what are you doing?"
She snapped out of her trance to see that Tyler had come home. "Are you trying to single-handedly fight global warming?" he joked. "The house temperature has already dropped a few degrees."
"Hi, honey. I was just thinking about what I wanted to make for dinner."
Tyler reached around his mother and grabbed a cold soda. "How was school today?" Karen asked.
He popped the can open. "Good, nothing spectacular. Just an ordinary day. So is JC home yet?"
Karen nodded. "I picked him and Justin up at the airport a couple of hours ago."
Tyler gulped down the last of the soda. "Cool." He went up the stairs and burst into JC's room.
Justin and JC were sitting on JC's bed kissing, but when the door suddenly opened, they jumped apart. But not before Tyler saw something he really didn't expect to see.
"Tyler -" JC began.
Tyler just stood there, too shocked to say anything. JC started to get up and Justin looked down at his hands.
"What?" Tyler asked blankly. He couldn't believe what he had seen.
"Tyler, let me explain -" JC continued.
"You're - you two -" Tyler unconsciously took a step back, unable to verbalize a complete thought.
JC sighed. "We need to talk."
Justin looked at JC, his blue eyes filled with uncertainty. "I'll leave you two alone?" he asked.
JC nodded and Justin walked past Tyler with his head down. "Tyler, you should probably sit down for this," JC said nervously.
Chris and Danielle were baking cookies in her California apartment. "I miss you so much when you're not with me," Chris told her, kissing her on the forehead.
Danielle laughed. "I'm sure you have a whole lot of things to take your mind off that. Lots of stuff to do."
"Yup, we're working ourselves to our graves, but it's not enough to make me forget how much I miss you."
Danielle poured two cups of flour into the bowl. "How do the other guys handle the loneliness?"
Chris grabbed some eggs from the refrigerator. "Joey - well that guy's never lonely. He always manages to bring the party with him, in case you never noticed."
Danielle laughed again. "That's Joey for you. The one man party machine."
"Yeah, I know. Someday I want him to put on some white polyester and disco dance for us."
Danielle put the measuring cup down. "Chris?" she asked after a pause. "How long have JC and Justin been together?"
Chris accidentally squeezed and broke one of the eggs he was holding. Gooey egg whites started to run down his fingers. "Oops."
"Sorry," Danielle apologized, giggling. "I didn't mean for my question to lead to senseless egg fatalities."
Chris threw the egg remains in the garbage and rinsed his hands off. "You don't have to answer that," she told him.
Chris wrapped his arms around her from behind and nestled his face in her long blonde hair. "How did you know?" he asked her quietly. "They try really hard to hide it from people. From everyone. It works, too."
"I don't know, I just knew. Just the way that Justin looks at JC when he thinks no one's paying attention. I used to think that it was like the way kids look at their dad or their big brother when they think he's the greatest guy in the whole world. But it's more than that, I can tell. He really loves JC. And it's obvious that JC really loves him back."
Chris frowned slightly. If Danielle had picked up on it, did that mean other people could, too? Sure, Danielle was more intuitive than most, and JC and Justin were so comfortable around her that maybe they weren't AS careful as they normally were. Nobody knew about their relationship, and they wanted to keep it that way.
They never did anything in public. Not even so much as holding hands under the table or giving each other sweet looks across the room. Their management didn't even know. It was never, ever discussed beyond the five of them. There were no such things as stolen moments of affection outside the hotel rooms or off the bus. JC and Justin were extremely careful about it. They just didn't want to deal with the reactions of other people. They wanted to be the ones who defined their relationship, and although they were hiding it from everyone, at least no one was telling them that being together was wrong. No one was telling them that they had to hide. No one was dictating how they conducted their relationship. At least this way, they chose to hide it. They were in control. Any choices they made were theirs alone.
"I hope you understand why I didn't tell you before," Chris said.
"Of course I do. My secrets are your secrets, and yours are mine, but this - it's not really your secret, it's theirs."
Chris hugged her even tighter. "There you go again, always reminding me why I love you so much."
Danielle shrugged. "Well now that you know ..." Chris began.
"What?" she asked curiously.
"Now I have someone that I can talk to about it!" Chris finished happily. "I can only talk to Joey and Lance about it so much, you know."
Danielle couldn't help but grin. "They're really cute together, huh? They really make each other happy?"
Chris smiled. "Sweetie, you have no idea."
Justin walked into the bathroom and shut the door soundlessly, leaning against it for support. He took a deep breath and slid down until he was sitting on the marble tiles.
When he let himself think about it, he was so scared. He wasn't so sure if he wanted people to know after all. Keeping secrets was definitely hard, but he didn't know if he could handle people looking at him like ... that. He didn't know exactly how to describe what "that" was, but he could see it in his head very clearly. The way that Tyler looked at them when he realized the truth was something he didn't want to see again. He didn't want the people he loved to look at him like "that."
He felt bad that Josh was dealing with all of this on his own, even if it was HIS family. They were supposed to go through everything together. But now JC was sitting in his room explaining himself to Tyler, and Justin ... well, he was sitting on his ass shielded behind a door.
Justin sighed. Why did things always have to be so complicated? Being in love was supposed to be such a great thing. He was scared that people were going to tell them that it wasn't so great after all. But what he was really afraid of was that maybe they'd be right.
"So how did - so when did - okay, you're gay?! You like - you don't like girls?"
"Tyler, I don't know how to explain it," JC began. "I know that it is, for most guys, it's this very definite, you're a girl, so I could like you. And you're a guy, so I definitely couldn't like you. How did I cross that line?" He shrugged. "I don't know. It didn't just happen. It's not like that."
Tyler just sat and listened to him in silence. Not an uncomfortable or awkward silence. Just silence.
"Like, this is the only way I can explain it, and I don't even know if it makes sense. It's like here I am, right? And my life is a jigsaw puzzle, but I couldn't find the last piece. Everything I tried just didn't fit. And just when I was about to give up altogether, the right piece just fell into my lap. It was there all along and I never saw it. Justin was there the whole time and he just - he just fits. He's perfect. He completes me. That's all I can say."
Tyler continued to stare at the same spot on the carpet. He didn't know what to say. JC was still his brother, he knew that much. Things were different now. He would just have to get used to it, if he ever could.
But he wasn't mad at JC or scared of him. He didn't think that JC was some kind of freak. He just didn't get it. How did a guy just start liking another guy out of nowhere? Tyler knew that he would never look at another guy and feel attracted to him. How did something like that happen?
And with Justin of all people! How could you fall in love with your best friend after you'd known him for so long? People like that were out of the question, mentally.
"How long have you two been together?"
"A little over six months."
"Shit, JC. That's a long time."
"I guess so," JC replied.
"Well, when did this happen?" Tyler heard himself say. "Did you like, start to like Justin or something, and then you thought you were gay? Or what?"
"No, I knew I was gay when I started to fall for Justin." JC didn't think that Tyler needed to know about his previous boyfriends.
"So how did you know you were gay? Could you be wrong? Like, a lot of people 'experiment,' JC. Are you sure that's not what's going on?"
JC sighed. He'd thought about this countless times himself. "Maybe with other guys it would be experimenting. But not with Justin. This is for real, Tyler. I know that for a fact. I don't know - with him - he just reminds me that I'm alive. Nothing's ever really done that for me before. Only music. But now I have this person - a person I love who does that."
"But I just don't get it! You lived with him for so long! He's like - your brother. How do you fall in love with someone like that?"
JC didn't know what to say. "I can't EXPLAIN these things. It's not like a math problem. You just feel these things. I don't know what else to say. I don't think that answer is adequate enough, but it's all I've got."
Tyler stood up abruptly. JC's gaze dropped down. Here it was. The first person to reject him. Maybe telling the important people in their lives hadn't been such a good idea. Maybe he should stop before Tyler became the first of many.
"I honestly don't understand it, and I never will. But I guess if liking girls wasn't the norm, I wouldn't be able to explain that to you, either. I know it's just who you are - who you are just isn't who I THOUGHT you are, that's all. I don't hate you, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It's just - this makes a difference. It makes you different. Not bad different. Just different."
JC nodded but didn't look up. Why couldn't Tyler just get to the point and tell him that he couldn't deal with it?
"It's just going to take me some time. I'm not going to lie. Whenever someone says your name, for a little while at least, one of the first things that's going to pop into my head is, 'He's gay.' And I know that's not what you want anyone to think of when they think of you. Being gay doesn't define you. But it's not how I knew you. That's why it's hard, okay?"
JC swallowed. "I understand."
Tyler put his hand on JC's shoulder. "You're still my brother. That hasn't changed. I still love you."
"Thanks, Tyler," JC said quietly. Tyler kind of smiled down at him. "Anything else you haven't told me? Justin's not pregnant, is he?"
JC laughed a bit. "No, nothing like that. All my skeletons are out of the closet now."
Yeah ..., JC thought to himself. All of my skeletons are out now ... and I guess I am, too.
"Justin?" JC said, knocking softly on the bathroom door. "Can I come in?"
"What's the password?"
JC could tell that Justin was sitting on the floor from the direction of his muffled reply. He crouched down on his side of the door. "Um, I don't know ... does it have anything to do with how much I love you?"
"Uh-uh." JC bit his lip. This was not the best time for Justin to be playing games. "I don't know, give me a hint?"
The door opened and Justin looked down at JC. "Well, you didn't have to get down on your knees and beg, Josh. I was going to let you in," he said teasingly.
JC rose to his full height and stepped inside the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He knew Justin was nervous. "How did he take it?" Justin asked.
JC shrugged. "Pretty well, I guess. Neither of us are getting shunned, that's for sure. It'll just take some getting used to. That I can understand. God, how long did it take for ME to get used to it?"
Justin nodded. JC pulled him into a hug. He wanted to show Justin that things could still be the same as before. This didn't have to be a negative turn.
"I like your sweater," he said randomly.
"Oh you do?" Justin asked, breaking away. He looked down to see what was so nice about his dark blue turtleneck. "It's just a sweater."
"You wear it really well," JC told him simply. "You look so good, the more clothes you wear."
Justin raised an eyebrow. "Well I never thought I would hear that coming from you."
JC leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Then I have to use my imagination to picture what might be underneath it all."
Justin laughed and hit JC on the arm. "Shame on you, having such lustful thoughts under your parents' roof."
"Hey, what they don't know won't hurt them."
Justin reached for the door and opened it. "Well you never know," he said, sliding past JC. "Maybe tonight you won't have to use your imagination."
He ran out of the bathroom with JC chasing him. "You're such a damn tease!"
Both of them kind of knew that they were only joking around to lighten the tension and to convince themselves they didn't really have anything to worry about. They still had to tell JC's father, and that wasn't something that either of them was looking forward to.
At dinner that night, Tyler couldn't help but stare at Justin across the table, shifting his gaze every time Justin looked his way. So this was his brother's boyfriend. It would have been weird if JC had brought just some guy home with him. But this was weird in a different way. Tyler knew Justin. He had known them both in what he could only call "their straighter days." Weird.
What were they like together? Tyler couldn't figure it out. Part of him didn't want to think about it. He figured the less he thought about it, the less awkward things would be. He wasn't sure if it would be easier to know things, or to speculate about them. It was probably easier to not even speculate in the first place.
He still didn't get it. How did you think you were straight one day, and then gay the next? Is that what it was like? JC kept telling him that it didn't just "happen." Was it gradual or something? Even if it was, there was still that first moment of questioning sexuality. A moment of initial doubt. When had THAT happened?
What did JC and Justin ... do together? Was it weird when they kissed? Were they ... having sex?
STOP, Tyler told himself. It's going to be hard enough to eat your broccoli as it is. These kinds of thoughts are NOT going to help you along.
Justin looked at him and Tyler forgot to look away while he was reprimanding himself. He was startled when he refocused and saw Justin staring straight at him.
Tyler smiled at him faintly. He wasn't sure why he did it. Maybe it was a reassuring smile for Justin, to show him that he didn't think badly of him. Or maybe it was a smile for himself, to try to accept it - to really accept it.
Justin smiled back just as faintly. God, he's my age, Tyler thought. He's barely older than me.
Justin broke his stare when JC asked him to pass the potatoes. Tyler just wished he could see what it was about Justin that made JC go against everything. What was it about Justin that made JC feel this way? Tyler sighed to himself.
You're not gay, of course you can't understand it. All you can do is accept it and move on. That can't be THAT hard, can it? This shouldn't ... change anything.
But it did, it did change things. He was frustrated because he didn't really know why. And he didn't want things to be different, because he could just pretend it didn't matter otherwise. All he needed was time. Yeah, that was it. Time could fix everything.
And that's Chapter 7! The next part should be out within a few days. Thanks for reading!