A New Start

A New Start

A New Start

By Max H.   Lilperv76@yahoo.com

Chapter 1

This story involves sex between men.  If you shouldn't be reading such things, move on.

The characters in this fantasy may not always practice safe sex.  In the world we live in everyone should practice safe sex.

It's okay to print this story out or save it to disc, but it remains my property.  Don't transfer it to another website or archive without my permission.

I'm lucky to have two great friends/editors, one in NJ and the other in the UK.  Thanks, guys!

*          *          *

A new start.  That was it.  I had an almost-new CPA, and I was a new assistant professor at a new university.  Well, the university had been there for two hundred years, but it was new to me.  And a thousand miles from any place I had ever lived before.  Now here I was at the ripe old age of 25, eager to make a new start, to get on with my life.

Things went well for about two weeks into the fall term.  Then it all changed.

I'd just gotten back to my office from my afternoon section of Accounting 101 (that's what new assistant professors get to teach).  I was feeling especially pumped because I'd heard one of my students say to another, "Man, the prof's a hunk!"

I had just sat down behind my desk when someone stood in the doorway and cleared his throat.  I glanced up to see a good-looking, clean-cut guy who appeared to be about 21.  He was wearing a blue oxford shirt, khakis, and highly-polished loafers, the frat man's dressy casual uniform since my granddad was in college back in the fifties.

"Professor Benson?"

I stood up.  "Yes, come in.  I'm Thom Benson.  How can I help you?"  

He looked like a senior, so I was pretty sure he wasn't there about enrolling late for one of my classes or anything like that.

As he shook my hand, he said, "I'm Hal Charters, president of the local chapter of ______."  (He named the fraternity, but I don't dare reveal that name here, so I'll just call them the Alphas.)

Suddenly nervous but trying not to show it, I said, "Have a seat, Hal.  What brings you to see me?"

He'd been holding a manila envelope when he came in.  He put it in his lap when he sat.

"Well, professor, we learned from national that you had joined the faculty here."

I merely nodded and waited for him to continue.

"I would like to get to know you better," he said, grinning at me, "and I'd like you to come to the house tomorrow evening about 9:00."

"Oh, thanks, Hal, but you know I haven't been involved with the fraternity since I graduated from Northern State, and what with my new responsibilities here at this university, I don't really think I'd have the time to – "

"Professor," he interrupted, "I'm aware of the unique position – or should I say positions – you had in the Northern State chapter.  I'd like to discuss those with you."

I stood up.  "No, Charters.  I'm definitely not interested in any renewed involvement with the Alphas."

He stood.  "Once an Alpha, always an Alpha, Brother Thom.  Once a cunt, always a cunt."  He took an 8 x 12" picture from the envelope he'd been holding and slapped it down on my desk.

I looked down at the picture.  There was a hard, cold, knot in my stomach and my hands got clammy.  `Oh, God,' I thought, `this can't be happening!'

I swallowed and asked, "You said 9:00, right?"

He grinned.  "Yeah.  And this will be very informal.  Jeans will be fine.  See ya tomorrow, professor."  The way he stressed "professor" was clearly a taunt.

I sank back into my chair feeling completely defeated.  All my hopes for my teaching career suddenly seemed futile.  I'd thought after four years away from Northern State that now, at 25, I was my own man, finally.

*          *          *

Here's what led up to all this.

It goes back to the end of football season when I was a senior in high school.  I was the quarterback of the football team.  I never thought I was anything special to look at, but I never had trouble getting dates, either.  In fact, I was pretty popular with both the male and female students at my high school.  Oh, and I made good grades.

Our team finished the regular season that year undefeated, and I was the leading candidate for all-state quarterback.  But we had to go two hundred miles across the state to play a post-season game for the state championship.  

We had a three-point lead late in the game.  Then the coach signaled in a pass play.  I thought it was a bad idea, but he was the coach, so we ran the play.  I was blitzed and sacked, and I managed to fumble the ball.  The other team recovered and scored a few plays later.  With the extra point, they won the game by four points.

Since we were so far from home, we were staying in a motel that night.  Most of us got together at a burger place across the street from the motel.  Four of us were sharing one of those rooms with the two big beds.  I didn't much like the idea of sharing a bed with another guy, but that was the arrangement, so I didn't say anything.  Besides, I was so tired I was sure I'd sleep no matter whether there was someone else in the same bed or not.  I noticed that two of my roommates for the evening left the restaurant fairly early, while the rest of us sat there rehashing the game.

To make a long story short, the third teammate walked back across to the room with me later, but I don't remember anything about what happened after we got there.  My three teammate-roommates must have used some powerful combination of booze, rohypnol, and poppers.  When I woke up the next morning, I took a shower.  I had the mother of all hangovers.  My body hurt all over.  I didn't realize I'd been hit that hard and often during the game, but I was sore everywhere, especially in the abs and lower back.  The strange thing was that my jaw and throat hurt.  And I couldn't remember anything about what happened in the room that night.  

As I stood in a shower with water as hot as I could stand it cascading down my body, I became aware that my ass hurt, too.  I don't mean my buns.  I mean my hole.  I rubbed my soapy fingers gently up my trench.  That felt amazingly good.  I didn't remember ever enjoying washing my ass before.  Tentatively, I touched my opening with a soapy finger, and that felt even better.  I wondered what was going on with me that I enjoyed touching my asshole.  Something inside me burned, and I put more soap on the middle finger of my right hand and slowly pushed it through my pucker.  Suddenly, I felt hungry for that finger.  The further I pushed, the better it felt.  I stuck another finger in.  The muscle ring that gripped my fingers felt sore, but still I wanted those fingers inside me.  I began to work them in and out.  Then I hit something sort of firm and yet spongy.  My brain might have told me that was my prostate, but my brain had shut down because I was having a powerful orgasm.  I almost yelled out, but remembering my teammates were just outside the bathroom door packing up their stuff to leave, I kept quiet.

Once I was dressed and gathering up my things, Leo grinned at me and asked if I was all right.

I told him I was a bit banged up, but otherwise I was okay.  "Ya sure, dude?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."  I sure as shit wasn't going to tell him about the burning in my ass or my sore jaw.

My three buddies and I sat in the back of the bus on the way home.  I kept looking at all the teammates sitting in front of me.  I'd seen them all naked many times.  But that morning I kept thinking about what their cocks looked like, wondering what they'd be like with erections.  And then I began wondering what it would feel like to have their cocks up my ass.  

I was appalled at the thought and shook my head to clear it of such thoughts.  That was a mistake because my headache hadn't gone away.  Then I noticed that my dick was hard.  I tried to adjust it in my jeans without anyone noticing.

"Thom, buddy, are you sure you're okay?" Matt asked.  He had this funny smirk on his face that I didn't understand.  It didn't seem to go with the concern his words had just expressed.

When the bus pulled into the parking lot at our high school, everyone stood up to get off.  Since we were in the back, we had to wait a while.  Josh, the third of my roommates from the night before, was standing behind me.  He was so close, in fact, that I could feel his package pressing into my butt.  

Over my shoulder I said, "Hey, dude, pushing me won't help.  We just gotta wait for these other guys to get their shit together and get off the bus."

He kind of goosed me with his cock, which I could tell was hard, and leaned so that his mouth was right by my ear.  "Aw, come on, Thom.  Ya like feeling my big dick against your ass, don't ya?"

I should have clocked him.  Instead I just said something like "You wish!"  The scary thing was that his cock against my butt, even with two layers of denim between, was giving me feelings I'd never had before.  I was hard, but there was also this burning, empty feeling in my ass.  `My God,' I wondered, "what the fuck is happening to me?'

We walked together to the parking lot, where we'd left our cars.  Just as I got to mine, I felt a hand on my butt.  It was Leo.  "Don't feel bad about the fumble, dude.  We still love ya."  It wasn't the usual slap on the ass that jocks give each other all the time.  It was more like a caress, with his middle finger sliding up and down between my buns.

I had been so busy wondering and worrying about what had happened the previous night, I'd forgotten about my disastrous fumble.  And it wasn't until I was in the car that I wondered about that hand on my butt.  I was still tingling when I got home.

School the next week went okay.  Most of my friends made a point of saying something about the fact that we'd had a great season and that it was an honor to be in the playoffs and that I shouldn't worry about the fumble.  A few guys who weren't on the team made smart-ass comments about me losing the game, but I just ignored them.

The quarterback of the team that beat us was selected to the all-state team.  So were a couple of my team mates, including Leo, who had always been my favorite receiver.  He'd made an amazing number of receptions that season and had been the leading scorer on the team.  I was happy for him and told him so.  He shrugged it off and said that, after all, I was the one throwing him the passes.

On Friday in the lunch room, Leo, Matt, Josh, and I were eating together as usual.  As we were getting ready to leave, Leo said, "Dudes, my folks are gonna be gone all day tomorrow.  They won't be back until late.  Why don't you guys come over right after lunch?  We'll watch a college football game and then order in pizza.  After that we'll just hang or play some games, okay?"

We all said we'd be there.  Matt said something about maybe even having a porn vid to watch, and we all snickered.

That evening in bed I couldn't get to sleep.  I kept wondering what had happened that night in the motel room.  Not only was I now looking at guys and trying to imagine how their dicks would feel in my ass, my friends were treating me differently.  It was subtle, most of the time, but it was different.  Also, Josh goosed me in the ass with his prick as we were getting off the bus, and Leo kind of caressed my butt with his hand as I was about to get in my car that day.  Neither of them would ever have done that before.  And why did I allow it?   Ordinarily I'd have decked a guy who did that.

But both times something deep inside me had responded.  As I lay in bed and thought about it, there was that feeling again.  I got some hand lotion out of my bedside drawer and smeared some on my ass.  Then I covered my longest digit and worked it inside my hole.  I lay there and finger-fucked myself.  I was tingling with shame, but the sensation of shoving my finger in and out was fantastic.  I began to work my hard cock with the free hand.  Soon I had blasted cum all over.  Then I got up and grabbed a bunch of Kleenex to wipe up my spooge before it stained the sheets.

I was sure something had happened that night in the motel room, but I couldn't remember any of it except having something to drink right after I got back there.  On Saturday I was a little nervous about going to Leo's, but the guys had been acting normally all week, so I told myself just to go and assume everything was cool.

I slept late Saturday morning.  I fixed my own breakfast because Mom and Dad had gone shopping or something.  Then I had my shower and pulled on a pair of boxers.  I spent the rest of the morning doing calculus homework.  I know it seems strange, but I loved calc. and it helped kill time.  

I didn't eat any lunch since I'd had such a late breakfast.  I knew there'd be munchies at Leo's.  I pulled on my Notre Dame sweatshirt and some jeans.  My family weren't Catholic and we didn't live in Indiana.  I'd just always rooted for the Irish.  They had a great football tradition, and I always thought I'd love to play for them.  No chance of that, of course.  I was never that good.  

The Irish were playing on the West Coast that day, against USC, I think, but that game wouldn't be on until after supper.  The game the guys and I were going to watch was Ohio State-Michigan.  I hated both teams equally, though Michigan had beaten Notre Dame more than the Buckeyes had.  But it should be a hell of a football game, and I was looking forward to it, especially since I'd be watching with three teammates, one of which was Matt, my best friend.

The other three guys were at Leo's when I got there.  They'd been waiting upstairs for me, but we all went down to the basement rec/family room.  There was a large screen tv, a fireplace, and a pool table down there.  Leo's parents didn't use it much.  It was pretty much a retreat for Leo and his older brother Kevin, who was by that time away at college.  

They greeted me pretty much as usual.  I took some teasing about the Notre Dame shirt.  They were all drinking rum and cokes, and they handed me one when I arrived.  I relaxed a lot when it appeared that every thing was cool between us.  

We had fun watching the first half of the game.  Matt was a U of M fan, Josh rooted for the Buckeyes, and Leo, like me, didn't give a shit who won.  Since we were all football players, however, we watched with a kind of "professional" interest.  I had quit worrying about what had happened the previous weekend and was just enjoying watching the game with my friends.  I think Leo refreshed my drink once during the half.  

Josh had to piss, and Leo asked me to come to the bar and help him carry fresh drinks back for all of us.  When we were all back in front of the tv, Leo said, "Matt, got that video in the player?"

Matt grinned.  "Yep."

"Hey, guys," I said, "we might get some scores of other games during the halftime break.  What is this video?"

"Oh," Matt said, "it's a porn flick, Thommy.  You're gonna love it!"

"You been hanging out at porn stores, have you, bud?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Hey guys," Josh said.  "Let's just see it."

Matt hit the remote, and I was surprised to see there was no title or opening credits, no music.  Which surprised me even more was that it started right out with a picture of two guys fucking.

"Aw, man, it's gay porn!  That's gross!"

"Shut up, dude, and just watch," Leo said.

The camera panned back.  You couldn't see who was doing the fucking, but the guy on all fours taking it up the ass was ME.  And I had another guy's dick in my mouth.

On the video, Matt's voice asked, "Ya like that, Thommy boy?"  

The cock was removed from my mouth.  My eyes were about half closed, probably from the booze or drugs they'd given me, but it looked as if they were glazed with lust.  And I said, "Fuck me harder!"

I felt the blood rush from my head and I seriously thought I was going to pass out.

"What the fuck?  How'd you do that?  Is that some sort of computer trick?  How'd you make that guy look like me?"

"None of us have the smarts to doctor up a video, Benson.  That's you.  We were all there."

"But I don't, uh, I'm not . . . "

"Yeah, but you are.  Obviously.  Watch a little more."  That was Josh.  The other two were just sitting there looking at me.

The scene shifted to showing me on my back on the bed, with my head hanging over the edge.  I had Leo's dick in my mouth.  You couldn't see his face, but I recognized his red pubes.  And I had my knees pulled up to my shoulders.  Either Matt or Josh was plugging my ass.  My cock was so hard it was standing up off my belly.  And it was leaking precum a lot.

"I have to hand it to you, Thom, you really struggled.  And you kept us waiting for an hour or so before you admitted you liked it."

"But that wasn't me.  You guys know I'm straight.  You must have gotten me spaced out on something.  And why?"

I looked at Matt Evans with tears in my eyes.  "Matty, you've always been my best friend.  Why would you do that to me?"

"Yeah, Thom, we're best buds.  But do you have any idea what it's like to have Mr. Perfect for a best friend?  You are the big man on campus.  You make almost straight A's.  You're the star of the team.  Everybody thinks your shit smells good.  It's a little hard to be with somebody like that seven days a week for seven years."

"Shit, Matt.  You never said anything.  How about you other guys?  You feel the same way?"  The nodded their heads in agreement.

"But what gave you the idea that I was gay?"

Matt answered.  "Well, we weren't real sure about that.  You go out with a lot of girls but never with the same one for very long, and you've never bragged like the other guys about what chicks you've fucked.  I guess if you'd turned out to be straight, we'd have been in deep shit."

"What do you mean if I'd turned out to be straight?  I am straight!"

All three of them chuckled at that.  "Thom, do we have to run more of that video?  Man, you sucked our dicks because we made you, but when you got over the first pain of having a cock up your ass, you turned into a real slut.  It wasn't just the stuff we gave you, man, you really got off on it."

"I don't believe you!"  By this time I wasn't just mad, I was scared.

"Watch," Matt said, clicking the remote.  Another scene on the tv screen showed me.  I was still on my back.  This time, though, there was no cock down my throat.  I was pumping my hard cock while someone was plunging his rod in and out of my ass.

"Oh, yeah, fuck me.  Yeah, that's it.  Deeper!  Ahhhh, God, I'm gonna cum!"  And I did, pumping out ropes of cum.  Some of it landed on my faced and the rest on my chest and abs.

Matt flicked off the remote.  

"Guess that answers the question, " Leo said.  "Mr. Star Quarterback is a fag."

I sat there in shock.  I had a perfect life.  I loved sports and was almost all-state first string quarterback.  (I forgot to say that I made second string all-state even with the fumble.)  I had a family that loved me, lots of friends.  As Matt had said, I made good grades.  I dated the best-looking girls in the senior class.  And I was absolutely, totally straight.  Until now.

Feeling a little dizzy again, I asked, "What are you guys gonna do with that vid?"

It was Leo who said, "That depends on you."

"On me?"

"Yeah," Josh said.  I noticed Matt was looking a little uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything.

"Here's the deal.  We don't think you'd want anybody at school, or your parents seeing that video, right?"

"Oh, God, please, guys.  You can't show it to anybody."

"Oh, we won't," Josh said.  "So long as you agree to do what we want."

`Oh, shit,' I thought.  `This isn't gonna be good.'

"You've always been our bud, Thom.  We don't want to out you to the school or your folks.  And we won't.  But we expect something in return."

I had more or less figured that out.  I swallowed nervously.  "Like what?"

"Since you obviously like to be fucked, we're gonna let you be our pussyboy.  We won't ever have to jack off again.  When our chicks won't put out, we'll have you."

There were tears in my eyes again.  "God, guys!  You can't do that.  I still don't see what I've done to you."

"Thommy," Matt said, "it's not so much that you've done anything to us.  Look at it this way.  You do like taking it up the ass.  You can probably learn to be a pretty good cock sucker though" and he grinned "you weren't all that good last weekend.  Put yourself in our place.  Josh and Leo and I can use you any time we want.  What guy our age wouldn't jump at a chance for something like that?"

"But I'm not gay!"

"So you say," Leo said.  "But look at that video."

""But you guys doped me up or something."

"I don't think what we did to you would have worked if you hadn't been gay deep down, even if you never admitted it to yourself."

"So," Josh said.  "We're not gonna out you to the school.  The rest of our team mates won't know.  You can go on dating chicks if you want to, though I doubt you will.  There are only two rules.  You let us fuck you whenever we want, and you don't wear underwear.  Ever."

"Whenever you want?  You don't mean at school?"

"Yeah, at school.  That's the main reason for the no underwear rule.  We can get at you quicker in the john between classes, or at the mall or wherever."

I thought I was going to throw up.

"What if you call and I'm grounded or something?"

"Thommy," Matt said, "you haven't been grounded in three years.  If you are stuck at home and really can't get away, we'll be reasonable, as long as you don't use that as an excuse too often."

"So, Benson," Josh said, "looks like you got a choice.  We out you to the school and the whole town, or else we have a fucktoy.  What's it gonna be?"

What could I say?  "Do I have any choice?  I thought we were friends.  You bastards win, but I'll be fucked if I understand what happened to our friendship."

"Oh, yeah, Thom, you'll be fucked all right," Leo said.  "How about right now?"

I gulped.  "Now?"

"Yeah, why not."

"Take off your clothes, Thom," Matt said, more gently than Leo had been talking.

"Yeah, Benson," Josh said.  "Strip!"

I'd been naked many times with these guys before, but I'd never had to strip in front of them while they had their clothes on.  It was totally humiliating.  They had me take off all my clothes and then slowly turn around.  I went to cover my package with my hands, but they made me put my hands on my head.  I'm sure I was blushing all over.

"Hey, dudes, "Leo said, "I don't think a pussyboy should have any hair on his bod.  Let's make him shave himself."

"No," Matt said forcefully.  "He still has to shower at school.  Our agreement was to keep this among the four of us so long as he lets us fuck him.  No shaving."

"Whatever," Leo said, obviously not happy.  "Now," he continued, "let's try a little test of our friend who keeps saying he's straight.  Dude, stick your middle finger in your mouth and get it all wet."

I really didn't want to do that, but by then I was in shock.  And I figured I had to go along with them.  The alternative was having them tell the whole school I was gay and maybe even show that video around.  I was still sure I wasn't gay, but I knew anyone who saw that video would conclude I was.

I stuck the finger in my mouth and got it as wet as I could.

"Now," Leo said, "stick it up your ass."

"Aw, come on, Leo!"

"This is a test.  Just do it!"

I slowly inserted the spit-covered digit into my rectum.  Gradually it went all the way in.  When it did, it grazed my prostate.  And you can imagine what happened to my traitorous cock.  

They all laughed.  "So much for your claim to be straight," Josh said.  "Thom, you're gay as a goose, whether you want to admit it or not.  Look at you.  You stick your own finger up your ass and throw wood right away."

"Yeah," Leo said.  "I think we're ready."

Of course we never got back to the Ohio State – Michigan game.  By the time the afternoon was over, they had each had their dicks in my mouth and had fucked me.  The first go-round one of them would have me get him hard with my mouth and then move around and fuck me.

I need to remind you that although I'd been fucked and forced to suck cock the previous weekend, I couldn't remember doing it.  All of this was, so far as I was concerned, totally new.  I didn't know how to suck a cock, much less take it down my throat.  And although I'd had a strange yearning deep inside me all week, I didn't remember ever having anything up it.  

So when Matt was given the honors of starting things off, it hurt a bit when he stuck his cock up my ass, even though he was really gentle.  He put the tip in and then waited while I got used to that.  I screamed for him to take it out, but he didn't.  Instead, he leaned over my back and said, "Easy, Thom.  The pain will go away.  And then you'll love it.  Trust me.  And," he was whispering this last part, "I've wanted to do this for as long as I've known you, buddy."

I didn't want to look like a wuss, so I didn't complain any more.  And to tell the truth, the pain went away pretty quickly.  I felt full, and there was a kind of burning for a while.  But the first time he hit my prostate, I forgot pain, forgot discomfort, forgot the burning.  It was the best thing I'd ever felt.  I loved it.

"Oh, god, Matt.  That's fantastic!"

"Bingo!" Leo said.  "See, he is a fag.  Even without any roofies or poppers, he's lovin' this."

"Looks that way," Josh snickered.

"Let him alone, guys," Matt said.  "So far as he's concerned, it's his first time.  And the more he likes it, the better, right?"

"Yeah," the others agreed.

Each of them fucked me and then they decided to send out for pizza.  They made me stay naked, but I was in the basement.  When the pizza was delivered, Leo and Josh went upstairs while Matt stayed with me.  They let me have my share of pizza and cola, though I wasn't all that hungry.  I still felt like I wanted to puke.  But I had to admit to myself that having those three big dicks up my ass was the best physical sensation I'd ever experienced, much better than fucking a girl.

After supper they each fucked me again.  Matt took the third turn this time.  I was on my back.  Josh had his cock in my mouth.  I hadn't learned to deep throat yet, but they said I would the next time we got together.  As I looked up at my long-time best friend while he was long-dicking me, he grinned.  And I came.  Without touching my cock, I came all over myself.  The other two guys gave a kind of sardonic cheer, but Matt just smiled.  He knew he'd been the one to make me cum.  And for a moment I felt as if we'd connected in a magical way.  

After he'd come, they let me get my clothes on and leave.  I was told they'd probably call me sometime the next day, which was a Sunday.

As I drove home, I was mulling over the obvious fact that I really did love to have a big dick up my ass.  My meditation was interrupted by my awareness that six loads of cum were leaking out of my ass.  The seat of my jeans was soaked.  When I got home I discovered that there was a big stain on the seat of my car.

For the rest of my senior year, things were different and they weren't.  Matt, Josh, Leo and I still ate together at the cafeteria.  So far as I know, they never told anyone what was going on.  I had dates (with their permission) occasionally.  I even went to the prom.  Cindi, my date, expected that I'd screw her, so I did.  But images of Leo, Josh, and especially Matt flashed through my mind as I did.

Meanwhile, I was on call for any one of them, any combination of two of them, or all three.  I spent a lot of time evenings and weekends getting my ass plowed.  They occasionally fucked me in a storage closet in the gym area.  They fucked me in the back of cars, under the bleachers at school, in the park at night, in the family rooms of Leo and Matt, on the pool table at Josh's, in an empty classroom, and once on the darkened stage of the school auditorium. Oh, and often in my room at home, where I had to be quiet so my folks didn't know what was going on.

The no underwear rule came in handy for them, but it sometimes created problems for me, since there was nothing to keep the cum from dribbling out of my bunghole and making a wet spot in the seat of my pants.  And, of course, when I got a hardon, there was no underwear to keep me from showing so much.  That was a big problem, because whenever I saw a good looking guy, I wondered what it would feel like to have his dick up my ass.  Deep inside me the itch would begin, then my dick would get hard, and I'd begin to leak.  I often got home at the end of the day with damp spots in front and behind.

I worked for a plant nursery during the summer, which was okay.  I enjoyed being outside, and I got a great tan on my face, arms, and legs.  But I was still on call.  Evenings and weekends I spent a lot of time on my back or on all fours getting plowed by one of my three "buddies."  And I loved it.  

Let me rephrase that.  I loved being fucked.  I was a hungry bottom, and I'd come to terms with that.  Love it or not, however, it was humiliating to be ordered to spread my legs whenever any one of my tormentors felt the urge.  Sometimes I could close my eyes when Matt was fucking me and imagine that he felt something for me, that we were having sex with each other.  When it was one of the others, Leo or Josh, I just knew I was being used, and I hated them, hated what they were doing to me.  

I was looking forward to going to the university in the fall, because at least then I'd have some control over my sex life.

TBC