Dear Nifty-Readers,
This is the first chapter of a story of a young confused man who by complete coincidence enters the world of skinhead brotherhood and get fascinated by this masculine lifestyle pretty much immediately. Therefore he will undergo the heaviest conversion process one can think of.
And finally, as usual please don't forget to make a donation to Nifty if you can. The guys are doing a really great job and help that we can express our free minds.
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And now please enjoy the first chapter of my story, hopefully still with very hot and intense feelings of adoration for our hero and for the other skin brothers appearing therein:
A RAPID CHANGE IN LIFESTYLE/ CHAPTER 1: The Beginning
First a big hail to all comrades!
The whole thing started about half a year ago on a Friday evening, when I went with my then girlfriend Cindy to the movies. I really cannot remember the details, since that night took a completely different and unexpected turn.
But first let me introduce myself and tell you a little bit about myself and my background: my name at that time is, actually was Daniel ... Daniel McGuire to be complete. At the time when the whole thing started, I was still 16 years old (but only three weeks away from becoming 17) and living with my parents in a typical upper middle-class suburb near London in England. Since it was my last year in high school, I was preparing all the university applications and my parents pushed heavily so that I would apply primarily for the really good ones. I guess at that time (which now seems like ages away) I was living the typical life of an English upper middle-class kid that was growing up in a family that had money and would be considered - by the mainstream at least - as progressive. At high school I did quite well (maths was one of my majors) and of course I joined all the sports activities with baseball, basketball, and in particular swimming being on the top of my list. My teachers liked me a lot and always told my parents what a well-mannered and bright person I was with a very promising future ahead of me. But please don't get me wrong: I was not some kind of leader personality at that time, not at all. I always tried to get along with everyone and since I was accepted by my fellow students including the jocks that were there too, this was not a difficult task at all.
Regarding my looks, I couldn't complain either. With about 5 feet 10 I belonged to the taller guys and my hazelnut brown eyes, my white bleached teeth and my dark blond hair gave my oval face quite a cute twink expression which for the most part triggered sympathy on the other side. My looks were supported by quite a good body definition, given that I played for both the baseball and basketball and the swimming teams. It was by far not that I was some muscle guy or bodybuilder type - at that time I wouldn't have even dared to think about such a change. It was just that my body didn't show masses of fat and that I looked quite good in this typical Levis jeans and t-shirt combination that I guess most of the school kids including myself wore.
Yes, and of course, as already told at the beginning of my story, I had a girlfriend named Cindy Wagner; she was two years older than me, came from one of the neighboring houses and was the daughter of a lawyers' couple. My parents liked her a lot and retrospectively it appears to me that they wanted this relationship much more than I ever did. Whenever I sat in my room alone, very often my Mum came in and suggested that I should call Cindy and offer her some form of activity program. Even at that time, this got a bit on my nerves, since Cindy (also being trained this way by her parents) almost always tried to rationalize things by making proposals how to fix an uneasy situation or how to make further advances in your life. In short, Cindy could behave like a true know-it-all smart ass type with the clear goal to make me do what she considered right for us or primarily herself. But as always at that time I tried to avoid any further argument and mostly followed the combined advice of Cindy and my Mum. Politically, both my and Cindy's parents and of course Cindy herself were strong supporters of all forms of liberal views. They stood for ethnic variety, protection of minorities, freedom of expression (of course only to the extent it represented their opinions), racial equality including affirmative action and so on and so forth. Sometimes, when my and Cindy's parents came together, our whole society seemed to be threatened by some right-wing movements fighting the very fundamentals of our society, and everything turned into an endless discussion where everyone (except myself) wanted to appear more effective in fighting fascist tendencies. For my own part, I didn't have much joy in those events; not because I had any specific political view at that time, but because all this senseless talk and the overly emphasized political correctness really got on my nerves. But again, as usual and so not to leave my comfort zone, I remained silent.
The fateful night came on a Friday. Cindy suggested we go to the movies, since she wanted to see a particular documentary called "SCREAMING FOR FREEDOM" about liberation movements world-wide and particularly in Africa. The film had been directed by some famous CNN journalist and almost in all mainstream newspapers it was described as a landmark effort to analyze the current difficulties on the African continent and to draw the right consequences for the future. And since the style of the film was a mixture of a documentary and fictional movie scenes mirroring historical events some also said that it would qualify for one of the next Oscars. Of course, only thinking of the total duration of this over-length movie of more than three hours, made me want not to go. But any excuse on my part was not accepted and so the date was set for the coming Friday.
Cindy and I came by car, since Cindy had already a driver's license and was allowed to use one of her parents' cars whenever necessary. This of course was also convenient to me. We parked the car in one of the smaller side streets and then started walking to the theater which was located on the main boulevard. When we approached the building, I immediately noticed some trouble going on, since a long queue of people in quite an outraged mood was waiting in front of the building and obviously had difficulties to get in. At first I didn't understand the reason for this, but quickly one neighboring guy in a wall street suit told me:
"There are some Nazi skins at the entrance door and they don't let anyone in who wants to watch "Screaming for Freedom". They have dressed in military style and people understandingly are very afraid of them. So obviously someone should call the police."
I suggested to leave and watch the movie, in which I wasn't particularly interested anyway, some other time.
"Are you nuts, Daniel? These guys try to destroy everything that we stand for and you are saying that we should just leave? I can't believe it. You know what I am going to do: I will go directly to the entrance door and will tell these bastards all my feelings and what I think about them. Let's see whether they dare hit me."
There she was again, my good old Cindy trying to appear as a kind of world savior (which I could not understand). Anyway, Cindy quickly left trying to make her way to the entrance door. And as a good boyfriend back then I followed her, since I wanted to protect her from any harm. What I saw at the entrance door was indeed frightening. Three young and extremely tall men were standing there. These guys were at least 6 feet 4 and much taller and stronger than I was. They were dressed in tight black combat trousers and dark green bomber jackets with various buttons on them. Only the guy in the middle who was the tallest had a black bomber jacket with a machine gun emblem on both sides of the jacket and on the back the additional words:
"FIGHT FOR REAL FREEDOM. STOP POLITICAL CORRECTNESS."
In addition, I could see that some of the buttons the guys had put on their jackets had the Swastika sign on them. And, last but not least, the partially black and partially dark red steel cap boots that all three of them wore supported the warrior look even more. Typical of skinheads they had shaved their entire heads so that you could only slightly guess what the original hair color was. And even though they wore long pants and their jackets for this event, one could see that all of the three had heavy tattoos. The tattoos of the three men varied from each other and, since the bodies were fully covered, one couldn't notice the meaning of them. But on the front neck almost at the identical place each of them visibly had placed an SS-sign in black Gothic letters on a red background. I only later learned about the true meaning of this symbol.
And finally, what was almost most striking for me at that very first incident were the steel blue eyes of the young man in the middle which without saying a word expressed a coldness and determination that I had never seen so far. I was fascinated and deep inside, back then already, turned on. This guy truly knew what he wanted. Even though they were fully covered by their clothes, one could see immediately from the body posture that they were exceptionally well-trained and also on their faces there was almost no visible sign of any body fat so that in particular their muscles around the jaw were very well-defined. This supported the look of cold determination even more. Directly in front of them and exactly in the middle, the three men had placed a handmade banner, which had a red and white background color and where in dark black Gothic letters the following was written:
DESTROYING OUR CULTURE IS A CRIME! FIGHT FOR OUR OWN FREEDOM FIRST!
Deep inside - of course completely unable to admit it - I must have felt attracted by my very first confrontation with this other world. But at this time mere intimidation and anxiety were much stronger. The man in the middle by the way who was obviously the leader of the group looked in my direction and when our eyes met I started to panic. Because the look told me something I could not quite understand ... and I was not sure whether it meant the total destruction of myself. Anyway, I wanted to leave as quickly as possible and again tried to convince Cindy to watch the film another time. But this was not her style, she wanted to start a discussion with the group even though they didn't show any reaction and obviously didn't feel like it. When they didn't respond after numerous senseless times, Cindy got angry and screamed:
"You know you stand for all the bad our society can bring out. You don't have the masses on your side. You are alone. And one day, you all will end up in hell. Except if the devil considers you too stupid."
What happened then was quite unique and for me completely unpredictable. In one goose step, the guy on the left marched forward, stopped sharply, looked at Cindy for a second and gave her a slap into her face. It was not a hard one (as I could learn by myself from later events), but since she didn't expect any of this, Cindy fell on her back. The skin who slapped her went back to his original position. And then the leader of the group in the middle came forward and told her in a very sharp voice and fixing her with his steel-blue eyes:
"Young lady, go home immediately. Politics and things like this are nothing you should deal with. You better get pregnant!"
After that he turned to me and went on, but this time with a much more aggressive and accusing tone:
"Is this your girl?"
When I didn't respond immediately, he took it as a yes and went on:
"You are a real wimp and worthless piece of shit. You should have much better control over your girl and watch out that she doesn't offend other people who fight for your freedom, try to protect you, and not only engage in senseless blah blah."
All the time when he was talking and calling me names his eyes were directed directly to me so that my fear got even worse. Cindy meanwhile was on her feet again and shouted at me:
"Daniel, for once in your lifetime say something to this idiot! It's one of your very obligations to protect me."
So not to appear like an idiot, I turned to the leader skin again who was meanwhile standing directly in front of me so that I could feel his breath, which didn't smell bad at all, but more like a combination of beer, chewing gum and cigarette. I tried to calm down and said:
"Listen, what you did to my girlfriend was completely unacceptable. I assume that you only did this because you've had no other chance in your life. You and your group are a complete failure by nature and only because you are so unsuccessful, others have to suffer. That's the truth and you all should face it."
The response by my adversary came promptly. His steel blue eyes became even colder and then he said in the calmest voice one could think of only three words: "YOU ARE DEAD!"
I got extremely scared especially since I did not count on the reaction of all the bystanders. It was clear: had I been alone with this guy (not to talk about his two mates who stood also by his side), I would have lost my life right away. But sometimes luck or what we perceive as luck at a certain moment comes unexpectedly. Suddenly we heard the police siren and the three guys made a combat-like jump and ran away after having taken their banner with them. When the police finally arrived, they were gone and of course there were some reporting formalities regarding the incident that happened to Cindy. But Cindy was not very good at memorizing faces and thus her descriptions were not very helpful, and so - as far as I understood - were the other reports.
I for my part could have been a much greater help, since I would almost have been able to draw the three guys by myself. But something deep inside myself told me to remain quiet and not to provide any further information. The whole incident took about 2 hours (which was two thirds of the time if we had actually seen this stupid film).
We left the place at around 10:30pm and drove home in Cindy's car. In the car at least at the beginning it felt good to hear how proud she was of me and my reaction to the skin group.
"Honey, one can say whatever he wants, but in a state of crisis I can rely on you. The point that you made towards these bastards was extremely well-chosen. You made perfectly clear their intellectual inferiority."
Quite frankly, already back then this was exactly what I didn't want to hear. I certainly had a lot of issues, but I was never considered arrogant. And making these guys aware of their limitations in such a way was not something I intended to do. And besides, it was stupid from me to make these skins my enemies. As I said before, I didn't like having enemies and that was exactly the reason why in school and everywhere else things normally went quite smooth. Needless to say, I couldn't tell Cindy about my true feelings. Instead I continued listening to her when she was talking about my newly gained heroism. We came to Cindy's house shortly after eleven and since it was only a very short distance from her to my house and I promised my parents to be back at the house before midnight, I decided to straighten out my legs and walk for a short while. I gave Cindy a good night kiss and she responded very softly this time. Then I closed the fence door and started my short walk.
Immediately, tonight's events came back to my mind. Honestly, the looks of these guys, their enormous physical fitness and their determination were things I had never encountered so far in my whole life. Whereas I was used to an atmosphere of endless discussions and weighing advantages against possible disadvantages of a decision, a world obviously existed out there where decisive action spoke louder than any words. Sure, their cause was questionable, but on the other hand who decides which cause is good and which is not. I went back and forth with my thoughts, when suddenly I felt a strong hit on the back of my head and some rag with a strong chemical smell on my mouth. For a short second I thought that I would die before I lost my consciousness.