AN IMPROBABLE LOVE
Chapter Eight
TJ closed the door to his room and called Neil.
"Hello."
"Neil, it's TJ. Can you talk?"
"Yes. I'm in my room reading a boring assignment, trying to stay awake but mostly thinking about you. What's up? Or is that a stupid question?"
TJ laughed. "It's at half-mast now. But that will change after talking with the guy I love."
"There's that word again, TJ! I thought we agreed not to go there for a while."
"And I thought we agreed that it was improbable but not impossible. Anyway, I have some great news."
TJ launched into an exuberant and detailed account of his conversation with Isabel.
"That's wonderful!" Neil said when TJ finally stopped talking. "I can see why you love her so much. She's one in a million."
"So we have a license to do whatever we want together ... as long as my family doesn't know about it."
"And mine as well," Neil added. "Although that is much less of a problem since they live half way across the country."
"Where? You never mentioned anything about your family."
"They live in Norman, Oklahoma. That's a college town just on the south edge of Oklahoma City. My dad is a professor at the University of Oklahoma. Mom is a music teacher working for the city school system."
"So that's where you got your brains and your musical talent."
"I don't know about either of those things but I suppose my parents influenced me quite a bit."
"Do you have brothers and sisters?"
"An older sister, Sue. She's married with two kids. And a younger brother, Jason, who is just about your age."
"Oh. Did you ever ...."
TJ stopped before completing his question. He was about to ask whether Neil and his younger brother might have fooled around but realized that was not a subject he should broach.
Guessing what his friend was about to ask, Neil laughed.
"No! I wanted to but he's not only straight but a total square. I think he got that from Dad, who is fervently religious. I do believe the poor kid hasn't even had an orgasm because he's so uptight about sex. He won't even use the word, masturbation. I've heard him call it 'self-abuse'."
"That's sad. I mean he's missing out on some great experiences. I think it's normal for a teenage boy to play with himself. NOT doing it is abnormal."
"Be careful what you say about normal and abnormal, TJ. After all, a lot of people think what we do is deviant."
"You're right, of course. I'm sorry."
"I could be wrong. But if Jason jerks off, he's very secretive about it. I haven't seen him nude since he was five years old. I think if he could, the kid would wear his underwear in the shower after gym class."
"He's that much of a prude?"
"Yes. I wouldn't be surprised if he stayed a bachelor because he would be afraid to have sex with a woman."
"That's sad. I'm sure glad you're not that way."
"Do you want to know what makes me happy, TJ? That we met. I'm delighted that you're gay like me. I'm thrilled that we can be together. And speaking of that, when can I see you again?"
"Anytime you want, Neil. It's never too soon or too often."
"I was thinking this afternoon. One of my professors is in a string quartet. They're giving a concert on campus Friday night. It's sort of obligatory that I go because the prof will no doubt ask questions about it in class next week. Anyway, I had this brilliant idea. Maybe it's off the wall but see what you think. Suppose I invite you to go to the concert with me. Suppose that you spend the night. I don't have to elaborate on that. Then, on Saturday, I show you around the campus, maybe visit the Smithsonian. That's more to please your parents than either of us. What did you call it? Hiding in plain sight? Of course, it takes hours to see even a part of the Smithsonian so it will be dark before we finish. Too late to take you home. You'd have to stay over for another night. I can promise your parents to get you home in time for church on Sunday. What do you say?"
"It's a splendid plan, Neil. And I'm pretty sure my parents will agree to it. After all, they like you. They both think you're a good influence on me. Of course, they would be shocked at how much I ... ah ... LIKE you. Notice I didn't use the word, love. I'll talk to them tonight."
"Do you have a sleeping bag? Not that you'll need it but it would, shall we say, keep up appearances."
"Yes, I do. I used it when I was a Boy Scout. It's still down in the basement. I'm glad you thought of that. I've become very dependent on your thinking of things that might trip me up."
"Let's just say I've learned from past mistakes. But please don't ask me what they were. Maybe someday I'll tell you. For now, I just want to be sure to do everything right so we can be together."
"Is there something else I should bring?"
"You'll have to pack a small overnight bag. Do you wear pajamas to bed?"
"No."
"Do you have any?"
"Yes."
"Then pack them. Just in case. In fact, letting your parents see you're packing sleep wear would be a good idea. It would please them to know that you planned to be modest overnight."
"I'm beginning to feel like an undercover CIA agent."
Neil laughed but chose to withhold the obvious retort to the 'undercover' reference.
"TJ," Neil continued hesitantly. "I want you to know how much I like you, how much I miss you, and how glad I am that we met."
"I feel the same way. You correct me every time I say it but I'll say it anyway. I LOVE you, Neil Bailey."
"I'll give you a pass this time, my friend. But only because I don't want even a hint of an argument. Please let me know what your parents say. If they have questions for me, tell them to call. I'm really looking forward to the weekend."
"So am I!"
They ended the call.
TJ spent the next thirty minutes planning what he would say to his parents and the half hour after that daydreaming about how the two would have nearly 48 hours together. And that included two full nights in bed!
The teen went downstairs. He found Isabel sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea reading one of her romance novels.
"I assume from the grin on your face, that you called Neil."
"Yes, I did."
"And was he willing to make the same promise that you did?"
"Of course. And he's grateful to you. He says you're one in a million. By the way, he invited me to a concert on campus Friday evening. He wants to show me the campus on Saturday morning and then go to the Smithsonian in the afternoon. Do you think my parents will let me go?"
Isabel looked at the boy studiously for a moment. He knew what she was thinking. But, neither of them openly expressed their sentiments; that would violate the agreement between them.
"I don't see why not, TJ. Neil is, from everything I know about him, a fine, respectable young man."
The tone of her voice and emphasis clearly indicated her deliberate refusal to acknowledge what she had seen or that she now knew they were both gay.
"A concert and visit to the Smithsonian would be consistent with what your parent would want for you ... and from you."
Finishing the remainder of her tea, the woman looked at the teen with a grin on her face and remarked while winking, "I hope you have a good time."
"Thanks, Isabel. How long has it been since I told you I love you?"
Isabel looked at her watch and replied, "Just over an hour -- the same as when I told you I loved you. Now be off with you. I've got a dinner to fix."
TJ's mother, who had been shopping at the mall, arrived home just before six in the evening. Depositing her purchases in the master bedroom, she went into the family room to watch the evening news. His father came home twenty minutes later and by 7:00 they all gathered at the dining room table for supper.
Half way through the meal, TJ stated, "I talked to Neil today."
"Oh? How's he doing?" his mother asked.
"He's fine. He invited me to go to a concert on campus Friday night."
"How nice of him," his mother said. "Would you like to go?"
"Very much! It's a string quartet. One of his professors is in the group. Neil says it should be quite interesting."
"Yes, I agree," his mother said with a sudden burst of interest. "I think I'm familiar with that quartet. What's his professor's name?"
"He didn't mention a name but he said the ensemble has quite a reputation."
"Indeed they do. Not Kennedy Center caliber but very good. I think you should accept, TJ." Turning to her husband, she said, "What do you think, Thomas?"
Both knew that he would have to give his permission. He relished and often took full advantage of being the head of the household.
"Yeah. Okay." he said without showing any interest in the topic.
TJ was emboldened by his mother's enthusiasm and his father's passive mood. "Neil wants to show me around the campus on Saturday morning and thought we might go to the Smithsonian in the afternoon."
"Oh my!" his mother said. "It sounds almost like like a weekend visit."
Suddenly showing interest in the conversation, Thomas looked at his son and said, "That seems to be an inordinate amount of activity for the young man to chauffeur you about for two days in a row."
TJ's antennae picked up the subtle message. His father, in his typically oblique way, was ruling out a sleepover.
"Yeah. It would be," he replied. "We thought so, too. So he suggested that I spend the night with him. He's got a single dorm room but he said there was plenty of space for my sleeping bag if I didn't mind bedding down on the floor." Then, in an attempt to steer the discussion his way, TJ added, "It sounds like fun. And staying the night would give us a lot more time to see the campus and do justice to the Smithsonian."
"Harrumph," his stuffy, controlling father grunted. "I don't know about a sleepover.
"Oh, Thomas," his mother interjected. "It does sound like a reasonable plan. TJ has been invited to so few overnighters and I think the concert and the visit to the museum would be most educational."
TJ welcomed his mother's support but still worried that his straight- laced father would veto the plan as much out of pure stubbornness as out of any true concern for his son's welfar the Neil's inconvenience.
However, the teen was relieved to hear his father say, "Well ... I suppose so. But if it were anybody but Neil, young man, you would not be going. As it happens, I think he's a good influence on you. After all, your friend seems to have sparked your interest in decent music instead of that trash that most teenagers listen to these days."
The first skirmish had been won but the boy had not achieved complete victory since he did not yet have permission for the second night's sleepover. However, that was the second phase of his plan to be implemented later.
"May I call Neil and say it's okay?"
"Yes," his mother said. "And be sure to give him regards from both your father and me."
"I will. And thanks," TJ replied.
After dinner, TJ went upstairs to his room to phone his boyfriend who answered on the second ring. Without any customary greetings, he gushed, "Green light for Friday night and Saturday! Saturday night is still to be negotiated but I'm sure I can pull it off."
"Great!," Neil replied. "What's the hold up on Saturday night?"
"Don't worry. The camel's nose is the tent."
"Say what?" Neil interrupted.
"Sorry. That's a Middle East parable. Bedouins set up a tent at twilight but their camel got cold outside so it stuck its head in the tent. The Arabs thought, 'What's the harm in that.' Before long, the camel gradually worked its way into the tent. The camel entered the tent slowly and achieved its goal, which would have been impossible if it had barged in all at once. So Friday night is okay but it will just take a little more time to accomplish the rest of our objective. I have to wait for the right opportunity to bring up the second night. But trust me, I'm sure there won't be a problem. Even if there is -- which is unlikely -- we'll sleep togethere at least one night."
"And more. That is, unless you want to spend all day Saturday walking around campus and in a museum."
"What? You have other ideas? You should be ashamed of yourself, you over-sexed queer."
Both laughed but then Neil said, almost predictably, "Yes, I'm horny. But only for you. And it's more than the sex, TJ. I just want to spend as much time with you as possible. We won't have too many opportunities to be together so I cherish every minute I can be with you."
"That's sweet, Neil. It almost sounds like you want to use the 'L' word."
"I want to, TJ. I really do. But give me a little more time. Okay? I've got some issues to work through. You know what they are."
"Yes," Neil replied. "And I promise you that I'll do everything I can to earn your love."
They talked for about fifteen more minutes during which TJ recounted the conversation at the dinner table and his plan for winning permission for Saturday night. Neil congratulated his boy friend on his achievement so far and his strategy for the next conversation.
TJ reasoned that his best chance of winning permission for a second night sleepover was to convince his mother and let her persuade his father. He had come to realize that his mother often got what she wanted in spite of his father's initial objections. In recent years, he suspected that she prevailed by withholding sex. There were at least a few instances where all the clues pointed in that direction. Those situations were over more substantial issues than a mere sleepover but she was far better equipped to obtain her husband's approval than his son was.
Later that evening, TJ went downstairs. As he expected, his mother was in the family room reading while his father was occupied in his study doing whatever lawyers do in the evening. "Can we talk for a minute, mother?"
"Of course, dear," she said as she laid her book aside.
"I called Neil to tell him that I could come to the concert and stay overnight. He said to thank you for letting me. He also suggested that it might be fun to go to a movie Saturday evening. It's been ages since he's been to a movie. And I'd really like to do it. He's fun to be with ... and it would be like a little vacation for both of us. He promised to have me home on Sunday morning in time for church. Is that okay with you?"
"I think so. I can tell from your enthusiasm that you really want to do it. And I know that you both would both enjoy it."
Do you think father would object?"
"I have no idea," his mother replied. She paused for a moment with a serious expression. "Come sit down, dear. There's something I want to say. I've thought about it a long time and now seems like the perfect opportunity to mention it."
TJ was puzzled but took a seat and waited for his mother to continue.
"I realize that you and your father don't get along. It's not that you argue and fight. It's just that you two don't ... how shall I put this? You haven't bonded like most boys do with their fathers. However, he does love you. And I think you feel the same way about him. You know, sometimes it's hard to show your feelings. For the last few years ... ever since you've become a young man and not a child ... your father sees you as a miniature adult. I believe he's forgotten what it's like to be fifteen. He's forgotten what boys your age need and are interested in ... like sports, being accepted by their peer group, current music, the latest clothing styles, and all of that. If his expectations for you seem demanding, it's not because he doesn't love you. It's because he wants you to be more like him. I think he wants you to be a 30-year-old teenager if that makes any sense."
"I never thought of it that way," TJ said pensively. "I suppose I thought that he was just demanding ... and unforgiving whenever I made a mistake. And then there's the way he cross-examines me like he would some defendant and he's trying to get me to trip myself up. I feel like he doesn't trust me, that I'm guilty until proven innocent."
"I've sensed that, TJ. But believe me. He DOES care deeply for you and he only wants you to be successful and happy. Being lawyerly at home with his family is just something that he brings home from work. I've talked to him about it and he's agreed to be more careful. I'm sure he has been but there are occasional relapses. Please try to be patient with him."
"I will. And thanks for the advice. I feel a lot better."
"Now," his mother said. "About Saturday night. If your father says no, you'll understand why."
TJ thought for a moment. "Not really. If he wants me to be a responsible adult, if he expects me to be successful and happy, shouldn't he give me a little freedom to make friends -- as long as they are respectable friends?"
"You make a good point, TJ. In fact ... don't be offended ... but your argument sounds quite lawyer-like. I would venture a guess that your father would be proud of your logic. However, considering his nature, he might dig in his heels and fight back. That's what opposing attorneys do in the courtroom."
TJ hung his head. His hopes for a second night's sleepover now seemed dim. More significantly, his hopes for a healthier relationship with his father suffered another blow.
"Let me talk to him, son. I've had more experience persuading him. If he still objects, I'm sure I can change his mind. Just give me a little time. I may have to wait for the right moment but I'm sure I can win him over to the idea."
Smiling broadly, the boy gave his mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and enthusiastically said, "Thanks! A million. I love you."
"Now off to bed, dear. You may have the answer you want in the morning.
The love-struck teen went back to his room to get ready for bed. He was elated at how well his plan had worked. His mother had agreed to the second night sleepover and, even better, offered to talk to his father without TJ asking her to do it. Of course, the insight about his father's attitude, behavior, and expectations was a bonus he didn't expect. He thought about calling Neil, not just to tell him about the conversation with his mother but simply to talk to him. However, he decided to wait until the next day when he might have a definitive answer about Saturday night.
As he lay in bed he amused himself with the idea that his mother would be particularly friendly and alluring as she and his father got ready for bed. With a young guy's overactive imagination, he pictured her showing just enough affection to arouse her husband. Then, she would casually remark, 'by the way, TJ asked if he could stay another night with Neil. I think it's a good idea, don't you?' As she said that, her hand would sensually drift down her partner's chest toward his crotch. He would be powerless to resist either the idea or her advances.
Thanks to Baruch for his valuable suggestions for this chapter. I accept responsibility for any remaining flaws.
Morris Henderson