This story, though in the first person, is totally fictional. In places I have borrowed experiences and feelings from my life but the actual storyline is also fictional. As this is my first story I would appreciate some feedback at tris79@hotmail.com. It's about love, and finding it. Hopefully, one day I will find the love that Sean finds in this story.
A-Room-With-A-View
It was during my first term at Birmingham Conservatoire of Music, at the University of Central England. I had longed for this day to come ever since I visited it 4 years ago.
But now I had just turned 18, but I didn't look it, more like 16. I had dark hair and hazel eyes, the top of my left ear and right eyebrow were pierced and I had a pretty toned body. I didn't work out; in fact, I had never worked out in my entire life. I was just one of those kids who was naturally thin and toned. At 135 pounds, my friends were always jealous of me, and used to hate the fact I could eat and eat and eat without putting on so much as a pound.
Anyway, it was my first day of Music College. I was grade 8 piano, and had my newly bought laptop in my hand. I was ready for whatever College life could throw at me, or so I thought.
I knew I was gay when I was 13, and I had only ever had one boyfriend before. I was still a virgin, but I knew how everything was done - I had been on enough gay porn sites to know that, but nothing could have prepared me for what was then standing in front of me.
Or perhaps I should say whom because in front of me was the most gorgeous guy in the history of the world - my perfect guy. He was about 5' 11'', the same height as me, with blonde hair in curtains and blue eyes. He had a piercing his left ear, in which was a silver stud. I couldn't see much more of him, though, as he was wearing a pretty thick sweater. It is England, after all, and only 10 degrees outside.
I quickly gathered what was left of my restraint, to make sure I didn't jump on top of him there and then, and walked into the lecture hall, making sure to be walking next to this guy, who I later found out was called Josh. I chose a seat next to him, about half way up in the auditorium. Our professor wasn't there yet, and so everyone was taking the chance to talk to everyone else.
"Hey"
The voice seemed to come from no-where. I was lost in a daze and had no idea that it was, in fact, Josh, who said it.
"Hey", I managed in return.
"What's your name?" he asked me.
"It's Sean, and you are..?"
"Josh. Josh Hall."
"Nice to meet you Josh. Are you doing composing or performing?" I asked. At the college, you had to choose whether you were doing a major in Music performance, or composition. I had chosen composing, because it was the only thing I was good at. I was in no way good enough to perform as a major.
"I'm doing performing"
"Oh, cool." I was delighted. My idea of my perfect guy was that he performed, and I was pleasantly surprised. "What instrument do you play?"
He picked up the case nearest to him, "Violin", he said. "But I also play the cello, and I sing as well."
I couldn't believe it. Not only was this guy cute, but also he played violin, as well as two other instruments! I was in heaven.
Unfortunately, at this point, professor walked in, and we couldn't carry on talking. During the introductory lecture, Josh and I passed notes and I asked him if he'd like to go somewhere to talk after the lecture was over.
"Do you want to meet up sometime after the lecture?" I wrote, before quickly and sneakily passing it back to him.
"Sure, there's a place not far from my dorm we could go."
I could have stood up and hugged him there and then, but I stayed calm. However, my enthusiasm must have shown because, after that he wrote.
"Don't get too excited, he he, it's just a cup of coffee."
It was stupid really, but all I could think of throughout the rest of the lecture was about coffee with Josh. I didn't even know if he was gay yet!
I thought back to my first relationship. My first and so far only boyfriend, Alex, made me feel so upset when we were together. We went out as boyfriend and boyfriend for 8, problem-free weeks.
But one day, I went over to his house to surprise him. I thought it would be a pleasant surprise and then maybe we could go for a walk and then a drink somewhere. So I knocked on the door of his house, and his mom came to the door.
"Oh, hi Sean. Alex is upstairs."
"Thanks, Mrs. J."
I took off my shoes, put on my best smile and crept up the stairs. I opened the door of his bedroom and time seemed to slow down, like something out of Bridget Jones' Diary. There, on the floor, was Alex kissing a guy I had never seen before, their shirts thrown across the room. My heart stopped, my world collapsed, and I just stood there. Alex looked up.
"Oh fuck. Sean, I can explain!"
But it was too late for that. I ran out of his room and down the stairs, tears welling in my eyes. Alex came down the stairs after me, shouting my name. I grabbed my shoes, not stopping to put them on, and ran out of the house. I ran and ran and ran until it hurt to breathe. I got home and threw myself on my bed. I didn't eat for three days.
It was such a long time ago, and I still hurt. It had made me hate myself, thinking that I wasn't worth loving. So, through no fault of my own, I became a realist, because realists didn't get disappointed.
My thoughts trailed back to the present, and I was beginning to wonder why I was so happy. Then I realised. Josh! The lecture was over and he was nowhere to be seen. I walked out of the hall and spotted a couple of other friends I had made at the beginning of the class. I had already told them that I was gay, and then told them about Josh. They all laughed and giggled (most of them were girls) and said things like,
"Looks like you won't be single for long then!"
"But I don't even know if he's gay!" I reminded them.
"Do you want me to ask around for you, Sean?" asked a pretty girl called Jennie.
"Yeah sure, I'd like that. But don't be too obvious!" I pleaded, knowing how hard it was to keep a secret.
"Oh, don't worry about it, honey!"
And off she went. But where was Josh? Did he decide on not coming with me for coffee?
"Sean!"
There was that voice again. I turned round and there he was, again. Just as gorgeous as I remembered him. He came running over.
"Sean," he said again.
"Hey Josh! Still on for coffee?"
"Ah, I'm really sorry Sean. I can't do it, a few friends of mine said they'd take me to see a movie."
"Oh. OK then." My mood darkened. I felt rejected and useless.
"I'm really sorry,"
"No, it's ok. We can get coffee some other time."
"Hey, what are you doing tonight? Wanna hang out at my place?"
"Yeah sure"
Little did I know that "my place" was in fact a flat. Not just any flat. This one was on the top floor and had an amazing view. When I got there, I pressed the buzzer marked "J. Hall" and waited for what seemed like an hour. Finally,
"Hello?" said the speaker, in a Josh-type voice.
"Hey Josh, it's me!"
"Oh, sure! Come right up!"
And with that the door opened and I climbed the one hundred and something steps to Josh's flat. Exhausted, I knocked on his door, stumbled into his living room and took off my thick sweater and shoes and put them just inside the door. His place was beautiful. A cream sofa, with dimmed ambient lighting and a glass coffee table furnished his open-plan living area with the sound of "Gymnopedie No. 1" by Erik Satie, my favourite piece of music, in the background. Across the living room was a large window, showing off the beautiful evening sky. You could see over the tops of the other houses, to where the sun was setting, on an urban foreground.
I nearly cried in sheer bliss. I looked over to the left. There, in the corner, was a black Kawai piano, a music stand and Josh's violin and cello. I walked over to it, and played an F sharp.
"Would you like something to drink?" asked Josh, bringing me back out of my daze, making me jump slightly, but more out of delight than surprise.
"Yeah, sure. Have you got any Bacardi?"
"Coming right up."
He glided into his kitchen and soon came back with two Bacardi's in his hand. I walked over to the window, and stared in awe at the sunset.
"I can hardly believe this. Where did you get the money for a place like this?"
"My dad used to be Chairperson of his own software company. As well as my violin, cello and piano he bought me this flat.
"It's amazing, such a gorgeous view."
"Yeah, I know. It's lovely, but it's much better when you have to someone to share it with."
I turned round. Josh was just standing there, a seductive look on his face.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
He walked over to me, took my Bacardi out of my hand, put them on the table and sat down. I sat down next to him on his luxurious, cream sofa. Then he spoke.
"Ever since I saw you this morning, I've thought of nothing else. You're just the sweetest guy in the world. The way you smile, the way you look at me, and it just makes me want to melt."
I couldn't believe my ears, or my eyes. I felt like I was dreaming. I just stared blankly in amazement, before saying,
"I could look into your eyes forever. It feels like I could get lost in them. You're the cutest guy I've ever seen. You play violin, cello and you sing. You're cute, intelligent, talented, not to mention you have an amazing place."
I laughed more in disbelief than amusement. This was usually the part in the dream where I would wake up.
"I can't think of a more perfect guy for me. You're everything I would ever want, and though I've only known you for a day, I think I love you."
"Oh Sean, that's gorgeous."
I laughed again.
"Ha ha, it's just the way I feel. Don't get too excited."
Then we both laughed. I hadn't felt this relaxed my whole life. Josh looked deep into my eyes and I looked into his. Our faces moved closer together and I put my hand on his shoulder. He put his hand on my waist, and smiled. I smiled back, and shuffled closer to him on the sofa. Our faces moved closer together, and we kissed, a perfectly silhouetted couple against an orange-red sky.
It was the deepest kiss I had ever had. A shiver ran up my spine, and I lay back on the sofa, with Josh lying delicately on top of me. The kiss lasted for about three minutes, though it could have been three hours, because the time flew by so fast.
That evening, Josh asked me if I would go out with him, be his boyfriend. I laughed and said that of course I would. With that we kissed again, another perfect kiss, with the perfect guy.