A Safe Place By James
Disclaimer
This is a story which deals with sexual as well as romantic situations between teenaged males. Should you not be of the legal age to read such material or if you're offended by this type of story, then please find something else to read. Also remember to donate to Nifty so that these stories can remain free to the public.
Finally, e-mails are always welcome to my inbox. I can be reached at vector18@msn.com and I always reply to e-mails. Don't hesitate to contact me about the story or for any other reason. I do like content of the e-mails to pertain to the story starting out, but I'll talk with anyone about almost anything.
Also, I do hope people are getting something out of this story. Though parts of the storyline are dark and at times sad, these things like what Christian, Kevin and Cody have gone through do happen in reality. Far worse, is that because our society can't recognize abuse for what it is and unless they see right before their eyes a child get raped, slapped or cussed at, then they refuse to see it. It's even more worse when people in positions of authority abuse kids then hide behind their shield of authority. An example of this is when the dining hall monitor yelled at Cody in one of the previous chapters.
Being at The Ohio State School for the Blind for almost four years, I saw the links to which some of the teachers would go to make a student do what they wanted them to do. More often than not, they'd use their authority for little more than just showing the student that they were in charge. My message is, that it's not our job to take power. Should an authority figure be in a position of authority only because they know how and what to teach someone either in school or at a job, then they should be listened to in so far as they're respectful when utilizing their authority as a means by which to teach what the job is. Should they be using their authority as little more than an adversarial type of authority as a means by which to abuse and dominate, then it's not our job to respect, take or put up with any of that bullshit. That being said, I hope this story can help people to understand that they're not alone if they're being abused by others in our society.
James: November 2015
Caleb
Life has a way of turning on you quickly. I found that out shortly after that Thanksgiving weekend. It started on Tuesday afternoon when Greyson and Daniel got home from school. Nathan was working and so it was just myself there at the house when the boys arrived home. Daniel said hi to me then hugged me. Greyson did the same, but he only put an arm around my back, then went to his and Daniel's room. Daniel stood beside me and I invited him to sit down beside me on the couch.
"Is he okay?" I asked.
"He's been short all day today," Daniel said. "He also took a little longer to come up with some of the answers when the teachers would call on him in class."
"I know he doesn't like some of the subjects, but he still studies enough so that he doesn't have problems like that," I said. "Was it like that in every class today?"
"Yeah, it was," Daniel said and I could hear in his voice that he was getting worried and I began thinking back to when Aaron stayed over that weekend. I was sure that they had had him sleep in their bed with them and more than that, I was sure that they had been fooling around sexually. I didn't have much of a concern about this in so far as they were respectful of one another's comfort zones and boundaries. Was that it? Had something gone too far, or had Greyson been alright with it at the time and was just now beginning to feel bad about whatever it was they did? "Daniel, I want to ask you something and I want to promise you right now that I'm not angry and I won't be mad. You just have to tell me the truth okay?"
"Uh, okay," he said unsure. "Uh, I promise."
"I know that Aaron stayed in your and Greyson's room with you guys this weekend when he was over here and I want to ask if you guys let him sleep in your bed with you."
"Yeah," Daniel said looking down. "We let him sleep between us."
"It's okay Daniel," I said and put an arm around him. "I also want to ask you something else."
"Okay," he said as he began trembling.
"Did you guys maybe do some things, maybe some sexual things that maybe you guys thought would be okay at the time, but now you guys don't think was such a good idea?"
He was crying now and I held him in my arms.
"Please don't be mad at me, not at Aaron or Greyson either," he said through his tears.
"I'm not mad," I said softly. "I've always said that we won't keep you guys from enjoying another friend's body sexually provided you guys respect that when "No" is said then it stops, use protection if you guys think it's necessary and stay within one another's boundaries. It's just that I want to cover all possibilities."
"I understand," he said as he dried his eyes. "Yeah, Greyson and I played around with Aaron while he was here and we all three did everything you taught us. It couldn't be that. At least I don't think it is."
"Well, we'll find out," I said.
While Daniel began his homework, I went to their room and knocked softly on the door. I heard Greyson call for whoever it was to come in and I did. I closed the door and walked to his bed where he was either sitting or lying. I got up to it and I felt and he was lying down on his side facing me.
"How are you?" I asked sitting on the edge of the bed and twisting my upper body so I could face him.
"I'm fine," he said in an annoyed tone.
"Daniel tells me you got short with people today," I said. "Is there anything going on that you want to talk about?"
"Damn it!" he yelled and sat up angrily. "No, alright!"
"Greyson," I began. I listened for his voice when he got upset and I could hear that it was coming from behind his arms. I knew he was holding his head. "Why are you holding your head like that?"
"I just have a headache okay!" he said getting more agitated.
I put an arm around him and pulled him close. He leaned in to me, but his body was still tightened up.
"Okay," I said. "It's alright. I just want to make sure you'll be okay."
I went on to tell him what Daniel told me about their sexual stuff with Aaron that weekend and he confirmed what his brother had said.
"Are you sure you're not feeling guilty or upset about any of what you guys did?" I asked. "Sometimes you don't start feeling bad about it until later on like in a few days or longer."
"No," he said starting to calm down. "I'm fine with what the three of us did."
"Okay," I said and stroked his hair.
We sat like that for a few minutes, then he motioned for me to let go of him and I did. He looked at me and he sucked in a sharp intake of breath.
"Greyson?" I asked taking hold of his shoulder. "What?"
"It's weird," he said in a worried tone of voice. "You're in the room, but it's like there's two of you."
"What?" I asked getting scared. "Greyson, it's only me in the room."
"I can see another of you," he said.
I sat there not knowing what to think, then he spoke again.
"I'm not sure where I am," he was scared now and his voice was that of a little boy who was scared and had no idea what was going on.
"You're in your bedroom," I said. "Greyson, do you know who I am?"
"What?" he asked and I knew he was trying hard to think. "I don't know your name."
"It's me," I said trying to keep my fear under control. "It's Caleb, your dad."
He seemed to remember, then he reached for me and wrapped his arms around my torso tightly.
"Dad I'm scared!" he said and began to sob hard. "What's wrong with me!"
"I don't know," I said. "We'll find out though."
Nathan
I pulled up to the house and I felt deep in my soul that something was wrong. I had just gotten off the phone with Caleb and he called when I was getting in the car after having finished up work for that day. He asked me where I was and I told him that I was getting in the car. He told me to get home quickly and said that Greyson was having a problem, but he wouldn't say over the phone what it was. He was scared though, I could hear it in his voice and I knew that things were about to change.
I used the hand controls to operate the gas and breaks in my car so I could drive on my own and was able to make it home quicker than I had before. I figured that I broke the speed limit, but was fortunate not to be stopped by the police.
I got out of my van and transferred out of it and in to my wheelchair. I wheeled up to the door and it was opened quickly. Caleb and Daniel's white and scared faces were looking at me.
I got in the house and they were running to me and I held them and helped them to calm down.
Caleb
I told Nathan what happened and Daniel told him about how Greyson's behavior was at school earlier that day. I felt myself going cold inside and I was scared for Greyson.
Nathan
My insides were ice-cold with fear and worry for whatever might be going on with our son. I turned to Caleb, then we heard something fall in Greyson and Daniel's room.
Caleb
"Oh hell," I said getting more scared.
We went to their room and I heard odd vocal sounds emanating from the room. I opened the door and we went in.
"I think he's having a seizure!" Nathan yelled and wheeled over to him.
Daniel and I went over and all three of us helped hold Greyson so that he wouldn't hit his head. It was horrible to listen to and to feel his body jerking and thrashing like that.
"Nathan call 911!" I yelled, but I no sooner said that and he was beginning to tell an operator what was going on. He put the phone on speaker and she was taking down our address and the details as to what was happening.
I sat in the waiting room of the hospital with Daniel on one side and Nathan on the other. He was parked in his wheelchair on my right where there was space and Daniel was sitting in the remaining chair for that side of the room right beside me holding my hand tightly.
I struggled to say something, but nothing came to mind. I just sat there with one hand being gripped by Nathan and the other by Daniel. I guess we were communicating to one another but without words and a small bit of calm came over me just knowing they both were there. Just then, I heard footsteps walking behind a door and the door opened. The footsteps came towards us and stopped.
"I'm DR. Michaels," a soft-spoken man said. "I'm the neurologist who will be helping on Greyson's case."
"Hi Dr.," I said and stood to shake his hand.
I introduced him to Daniel and Nathan, then he had us follow him to a conference room.
"We got back Greyson's films," he began after sitting down across from us. "There's a mass."
"Please, just tell us what the bottom line is," I said looking directly across the table at him.
"It's a tumor," he said and I could hear concern and sadness in his voice. "We were able to confirm that much. Now, we need to get it biopsied and sent down to Pathology where they'll let us know whether or not it's malignant."
"So you don't know if it's cancer?" Daniel asked close to tears.
"We don't know that yet," Dr. Michaels replied turning his head to look at Daniel. "We do know that it's close to the centers of his brain which deal with the regulation of memories and other functions. Unfortunately, there's a cluster of blood vessels supplying it with blood so it's probably going to get larger and begin pushing against other structures which could lead to other problems if not worse."
"So even if it's not cancer," I began. "It could still be dangerous and something will have to be done quickly either way?"
"That's correct," he replied. "Even if it's benign, because the tumor is connected to that small cluster of vessels, it's going to be dangerous should we not do something quickly for the simple fact that it could start disrupting healthy functions of other near-by centers of the brain."
"What does Greyson know so far?" Nathan asked.
"When you guys called for the ambulance and they came," Dr. Michaels began. "He had stopped seizing a few minutes before they arrived from what I read in the log. When he got here, he had been sedated to prevent any further seizures so he's been out since he got here. So he doesn't know anything right now. He won't until he wakes up and we all can talk to him."
"Okay," Nathan replied.
"When can we see him?" I asked.
"I'll see if the nurses are still in with him," Dr. Michaels replied. "He's in room 331 and when I left to come down here, they were checking his vitals. I'll let you guys know here in a moment."
"Thanks," I said.
"You're welcome," he replied and left the room for a moment.
We sat there and Daniel was leaning in to my side as I had my arm around him. He was crying and Nathan was struggling to keep himself under control as well. I wasn't even close to tears, at least not yet anyway. I didn't feel numb by any means, but I still had some calm and I probably needed it if I was going to be there for my husband and our boys.
"I'm scared for him dad," Daniel said as he sobbed hard.
"It's okay to be scared," I said as I held him close. "I'm scared too."
Once Dr. Michaels came back and told us that Greyson was finished being examined by the nurses, we went up and went in to his room where he was waking up.
"Dad?" he called out turning to the door.
"We're here," I said stepping forward and walking up to the edge of his hospital bed. "I'm here and so is Nathan and Daniel."
"What happened?" he asked.
Once I got chairs for Daniel and I and once we all three were seated on either side of his bed, I told him what Dr. Michaels had told us.
"If it is cancer," Greyson began. "Does he think we found it in time?"
"He's not going there right now," I said. "He wants to get a sample of it and have it examined which shouldn't take long given that he's put a rush on your case."
When Dr. Michaels came back from talking with the nurses just before he took us to Greyson's room, he said that he wanted to do the biopsy in the morning on the next day. He said he'd put a rush on it and I was relieved to hear that at least.
"If it is cancer," Nathan said as he held Greyson's hand. "We'll deal with it as best we can."
"We all are here for you," I said. "I don't want you to ever forget that."
"I won't," Greyson said.
"I'll be by your side through this just like with everything else," Daniel said.
"Thanks," Greyson said turning to him.
"You're welcome," Daniel replied and kissed his cheek.
Greyson was asleep now and Daniel was lying beside him on a cot they brought in for him. I was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room and Nathan was sitting in his chair beside me. We sat in silence and I was trying to process everything and I still had that calm, but I knew that wouldn't last long. Eventually though, visiting hours ended and we all three said goodnight to Greyson even though he continued to sleep on.
Back at the house, Daniel was practically asleep as we walked him to his and Greyson's room and helped him off with his pants, shoes and socks. He had on a regular short-sleeved shirt with no buttons so we didn't need to worry about that. We got him in to bed and covered him, then kissed him goodnight.
Once in the living room, Nathan wheeled up to the couch where I was sitting and transferred out of his chair and on to the couch and he snuggled up to me. I put my arms around him and we kissed softly, then he put his arms around me with my head resting on his shoulder. It was at that point that the calm broke.
My tears began and it all hit me. Our son as well as Daniel's brother could be dying. I knew or thought I knew how to protect Nathan and my kids from bad things, but how does one protect their child from the child's own body that wants to harm them? It came from all sides crushing me and my heart was breaking. I was sobbing hard and I never felt this kind of pain, fear and helplessness!
"Our son!" I said through my tears. "No, it isn't! This, this isn't happening!"
Nathan was slowly and gently rocking me as I cried for our son and I at that point, was wishing with the final and desperate wishes of a drowning man that this was a dream and that I'd wake up finding that Greyson and Daniel were in bed sleeping sound and safe, but I knew that it wasn't and that this was horribly real and true in ways that were ripping me apart and shattering my soul!
After several minutes, my tears began to slow and soon they were gone, but I still felt sick. Nathan was drying his own eyes and we just continued to hold one another and sit there in silence. There didn't seem to be anything to say.
Later though, Nathan and I got our shower and fell exhausted in to bed. Nathan fell fast asleep, but I lay there awake and thinking about Greyson. I knew that in some ways, he still felt like he was damaged goods from the rapes he had suffered and that he might never be good enough for anyone, but he was good enough for Daniel, Nathan and I. He was the best person we ever knew and I would continue to spend the rest of our lives and his showing him that, if he was able to live long enough to have a full life.
Lying there in the darkness, I thought back to us as kids and though part of my mind wanted to continue to focus on Greyson's troubles, the other part took me back regardless of what I wanted and I remembered.
Chapter 21
Caleb
That weekend went by fast and I wished it could have continued. It was wonderful spending that time alone with Nathan and I felt like we were an actual adult couple living on our own. We went that Saturday afternoon to the main house and visited with my parents, Kevin and Cody as well as with Alicia. Eric was with her that day and her and him seemed to be really getting along.
We had dinner there at the house as well and after Kevin and Cody went back to his house, we went back to the guest house and talked and just lay in one another's arms. We also made love several times while we were there and it was amazing like always. It was truly the best weekend I had ever had.
Kevin
That weekend with Cody was wonderful. We made love a few times and at one point on Saturday came over to my house and we had dinner and visited with the family for a bit. Justin was doing well and he and Cody drew and talked for a while, then we went back to the house. It was probably my favorite weekend, at least one of a few favorite weekends. I felt like an adult living with my soulmate at that point and when Sunday came along, I was sad to see it end, but I kept thinking that I'd see Cody the next day at school.
Caleb
That Sunday night, I lay in bed thinking over the weekend and suddenly I heard a knock at my door.
"Come in," I said.
The door opened and from the way the footsteps sounded, I knew it was Justin. He closed the door and came up to my bed.
"Can I lay beside you for a bit?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied and scooted over closer to the wall and he got up on my bed. He turned towards me and snuggled in to me. I put my arm around him and held him. We stayed like that for a moment, then he lifted his head off my chest and I could sense his eyes on me.
"I just talked to Uncle Bill and Aunt Maria," he began in a small voice.
"What did they say?" I asked.
"I was asking them about my mom," he began. "They said that when I was out with Alicia today, my mom called the house and when Aunt Maria asked when she'd like to see me now that she's at the treatment center, she said she'd get back to her on that."
Justin's mom had been taken to one of the treatment centers here in Sangger four days ago and Justin had been asking when he could see her. In my heart, I somehow knew with a cold certainty that he'd never see her again. I didn't know how or why, but I knew that somehow, some way he wouldn't ever have her in his life, either because she would die soon, or if not that, she'd continue to do things which would continue to insure that their mother/son relationship would never be right or healthy.
"Maybe she'll ask to see you in a few days once she gets more settled in to where she's at," I offered.
"Maybe," he responded and lay his head back on my chest.
A silence began to take form between us and I began drifting off when I felt Justin lift his head again.
"Caleb?" he asked.
"Hmmmm?" I said.
"I won't ever get to see her again will I," he asked, but it was a statement. He was crying now and I held him close and rocked him gently.
"I'm right here Justin," I said. "I'll always be here for you."
"I just want my mom," he said sobbing harder now.
"I know you do," I said as I struggled to keep it together for him.
After he had calmed down and dried his eyes, we stayed like that a little longer, then I checked my clock. It was almost time for us all to get to bed. I helped Justin up and I walked with him to his room.
I helped him in to bed and pulled the covers up over him. Once he was turned on his stomach which was how he liked to sleep, I kissed his cheek and we shared a hug, then he turned back on to his stomach again.
"Goodnight Justin," I said as I stroked his hair for a moment.
"Goodnight Caleb," he said. "I love you."
"I love you too," I said and kissed his cheek again.
Once back in my own room, I was under the covers when a knock sounded.
The door pushed open, as I hadn't shut it enough for it to latch and I looked in the direction of the doorway.
"Lights out Caleb," my mom said and walked over to my bed. She had shut off the overhead light and it was just my lamp that was still on.
She sat down on the edge of the bed for a moment and I looked up at her.
"Justin was in here for a few minutes," I said. I told her what we had talked about and she stroked my hair.
"At this point," she began in a sad tone. "Though it would hurt him badly, I think in the long run that he'd be better off if she did leave. Like I said, it would hurt him at first and badly, but maybe down the road without that constant giving and taking of hope coupled with him seeing Michael or Josh for some counseling and help, then maybe he'd be okay. It would be better than what's happening to him now."
"I feel the same way," I said. "How was he on the parts of the weekend when Nathan and I were away?"
"He was fine," she said. "He was doing a lot better."
"I'm glad," I responded.
My dad came in and we all three said goodnight and after I shut off the lamp and heard the door close, I turned on my stomach and fell fast asleep.
That week at school would be a short one since Thanksgiving would be coming soon. I was excited for it and we had been planning out what we would do for it. My parents offered for Nathan and Cody to join us at our house and Amy and Melissa were happy about it. Nathan and Cody smiled when we talked to them about it that weekend and it seemed as though things were coming together in that regard.
0000
Eric Edwardson
I came home from school that cold and snowy Monday and I wondered what would be waiting on me. Max had been getting worse and that weekend, he argued with our parents several times and didn't stop until in frustration and worry, they left his room. I knew he was being bullied and I suspected that it was getting worse and that there was more to it than that, but he wouldn't say much.
It was only I who knew that he was gay. He didn't feel comfortable coming out to our parents yet. I knew they'd be accepting towards him, but something was still scaring him. Once I had the door closed, I went to Max's room and knocked. He answered the door and he looked like he hadn't slept all night. I reached out my arm to hug him and he backed away quickly.
"Can I come in?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said and walked over to the bed and lay back down.
I came in and sat in the chair across from his bed and looked at him. He lay there on his side facing me and he was in a fetal position and wrapped as tightly as he could get himself. It didn't look comfortable at all.
"Did you just get home before me?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said. "I got my homework done in study hall today, so you guys don't have to worry about that."
He said that last part in a sneering tone.
"It's not the homework we're worried about," I said. "Come on man! We're worried about you!"
He looked up at me and the look in his eyes broke me. He looked like a boy who was struggling, and had been for the longest time. He also had in his eyes, that look of a boy struggling and not only could he not remember why or how it began, but that he was exhausted and tired of running. Max was only 14 and he looked like he was trapped in a nightmare and none of us knew how to help him.
"I changed my mind," he said. "Please go."
"Max'''," I began.
"Just go!" he yelled.
"Okay," I said standing up.
I left his room and went back to my own and as best as I could, started my homework. I didn't know just how much worse his situation could get.
0000
The next day, Max was at school and he was walking to lunch when Coach Howards stopped him. Max looked up at him and he felt his insides go cold.
"You won't forget about our meeting after school will you?" Coach asked him with a leering smile.
No, of course Max wouldn't forget about the meetings after school they had accept for on Mondays. Max had been on the swim team which he enjoyed in the beginning, but one day at the beginning of September, Coach stopped him in the hall after the third swim practice and told him that he needed to practice more and that he wanted to see how Max was performing the different swim techniques. So that day after school, Max went to Coach's office and he got changed in to a pair of swim shorts and Coach told him to sit down beside him at his desk. They began talking, and as the conversation continued, he began rubbing Max's leg, then it slowly got up to his upper thigh and further.
After it was over that first time, it would go on with the coach making Max service him. He also made it a point to tell Max that he'd tell his parents and he would make them think that it was all Max's fault as well should Max try to alert anyone.
Max did the best he could to take his mind away when he'd do this, but several times, Coach would stimulate him after he gave the Coach his few minutes of oral sex, and after it was done, Coach would do the same to him. Max felt aroused, but powerless to stop himself and at the same time, he hated everything that was going on and he now hated himself and back in October was the point at which he began cutting.
Standing there at the lockers, Max looked up at the coach and he hated the dirty smile on the man's face.
"Just remember our appointment today," he said and smiled.
Max turned to his locker and opened it just as he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"What appointment is that you little fagot?" one of his bullies asked and spun him around. "Yeah, I saw you looking up at Coach just a moment ago as I got closer."
The boy's name was Bryan and he was the more frequent of the bullies.
"Nothing," Max replied.
"No?" Bryan asked. "Looked kind of serious to me."
"Just leave me the fuck alone!" Max yelled and pulled free.
Bryan grabbed him and slammed him up against the locker door next to his opened one.
"No fagot," Bryan said leaning closer so that his nose was almost touching Max's. "I'm not going to leave you the fuck alone. I'll never do that. Now I want you to remind me what you are."
"No," Max said trying to turn his head away.
"Do it!" Bryan said in a low hateful tone. "Fucking do it right now! You know what you are."
"Why Bryan?" Max said as his tears flowed freely now. "Why are you doing this to me!"
"That's not what I want to hear you fucking cock sucker!" he said and pressed Max harder against the locker. "You know what I want to hear."
"Fine!" Max said as he sobbed harder. "I'm just a fagot! Okay! Is that what you want to fucking hear!"
"And you're sick, disgusting and a nasty pervert," Bryan said. "Don't forget that. Yep, you're just one sick and filthy little bastard."
He let Max go and he walked away as Max ran to the boys room and locked himself in one of the stalls and sobbed. He didn't care at this point if anyone heard him.
After he was finished crying, he dried his eyes and left. He had his lunch and struggled through the rest of the day.
Once the day was done, Max walked to the Coach's office and the man was waiting for him. He did what the creep told him to do, and he endured another orgasm of his own thanks to Coach's exploitation.
After it was over, he went home in a complete fog. Once back at the house, he sat on his bed and he felt himself losing his mind even more.
Eric
I arrived home and went to Max's room first. He was sitting on his bed looking in to space and I grew worried for him.
"Max?" I called. "I'm home."
"I know," he said in the most flat and lifeless voice I had ever heard. I never heard a voice like that before and another look at his eyes showed that there was nothing in them.
"Max?" I called and walked towards him.
"What," he said in that dead voice.
"Max," I said. "You're scaring me!"
He stood up and walked past me and I followed him. I walked along and he was headed towards our dad's office and I began to get more worried. Given his state of mind lately, I was becoming more and more scared that he'd try to harm himself, if he wasn't already doing that. In our dad's office was his gun and I didn't like this at all.
As we walked in there, he crossed the room to the desk and I ran towards him.
"Max no!" I yelled. I ran at him and grabbed him, but he shoved me away violently and unlocked the top drore. I got up off the ground and walked toward him as he put the gun to his head.
"Max!" I yelled moving towards him quickly. "No! Don't do this!"
"Just go," he said.
"No!" I yelled and grabbed out and my hands connected with his shoulders. I found his arm the hand of which held the gun. I grabbed it and we fell to the floor struggling over the gun. It went off a couple of times and when I got it away from him, I threw it down the hall and he looked at me.
"Just let me die," he said with a little life coming to his voice now. "You guys don't need me."
"That's not true!" I yelled and grabbed for him.
He ran out of the room and his footsteps were taking him in the direction of the kitchen and I followed. I grabbed him again once I caught up to him. I grabbed him and spun him around.
"No!" he yelled and tried to pull away. "Let me go!"
"No I won't!" I yelled back. "I'm not letting you do this to yourself! I love you and you're my brother! I'm here for you and you know that!"
"I can't take this anymore!" he screamed to the top of his lungs.
"It's okay," I said trying to pull him in to a hug. "I'm here for you. It's going to be alright."
He tried to pull away and he began emitting a low growl as he tried to fight me. It was deep in his throat, and it was getting stronger and increasing in pitch and in volume. He had his teeth exposed in an animalistic snarl, but his eyes were full of fright and bright with animal terror. His vocal expressions were now slowly developing in to a loud scream.
There were no words, just that horrible long and increasingly loud scream.
"Max!" I yelled. "Max!"
He began sagging to the ground and I eased him down. I took one of his arms and pressed down hard to see if it would bring him out of whatever was going on, but it didn't. He didn't react to it, and probably didn't feel it, but he didn't snap out of it either. He continued with that scream which was now getting louder.
"Max!" I yelled. "You're here with me! You're safe!"
I pressed one of my fingers hard against his ribs, and still nothing. His scream was now morphing in to long loud screams of the same volume and same ear-splitting pitch and I was pleading in my mind for him to stop or for something that could make him stop!
He was on his side now, tightened up in a ball still emitting those long screams. His head turned and his face was turn towards me and his eyes were wide and wild with terror. In those eyes, I saw madness, fear of a deep kind the likes of which I had never known and I knew that mentally speaking he was gone.
I ran to the phone and called 911, then our parents.
0000
Cody sat in his Special ED class with the teacher who sometimes substituted for the regular teacher. He didn't like the regular teacher much, because of the fact that she always talked to him like he was a little 5-year-old child. He knew he had trouble learning things, but he didn't like how she was seemingly making him feel low because of it.
When the sub who was there that Tuesday would fill in, she always yelled at Cody. She yelled at the other kids as well, but Cody figured that they needed it some of the time, given that they had behavioral issues and from what he could see, they intentionally chose not to listen to her. She'd have to repeat herself several times when they would ignore her, only she'd scream to the top of her lungs at them.
Cody wasn't even spared this indignity as she'd scream loudly at him if he didn't get an answer to the Math problem correct. Math was always his hardest subject and he just barely understood it. On the days she'd sub, she'd make Cody stay after school and she'd always tell his mom when she'd come to pick him up, that he wasn't understanding the material. He didn't tell his mom much of how she'd yell at him and lose her patients, and neither would the sub teacher.
Mrs. Smith was her name, and as Cody sat there she slammed a book on the desk.
"Cody!" she yelled. "I asked you to answer the question!"
"I heard the question," he said trying to remain calm. "I'm just thinking of the answer."
He was afraid that the other kids in the class, most of whom were bigger than him and mostly bullies might pick on him which they had been known to do from time to time. He was afraid that they'd start now.
"You heard the question?" she asked walking right up to his desk and leaning just inches from his face. "Then repeat back the question and give me the answer."
"The question was 5 times 6," he said beginning to shake. She backed up and stood over him looking down at him.
"And the answer?" she asked tightening her face in to a hateful look.
"12?" he said and felt close to tears.
The class roared in laughter and she slammed her fist down on the desk. Cody jumped and he felt closer to tears now.
"This is absolutely ridiculous!" she yelled at him. "The answer is 30, you idiot! I don't know what makes you think you're so special that you get to waste my time like this!"
"I'''I'''I'''I'm not trying to waste your time," he began as his eyes were now bright with unshed tears. "I just don't understand Math that well. I thought you knew that."
"Here's what I know," she said pointing her finger in his face. "You're staying after school today and you're not leaving until we get this stuff figured out."
"No!" he yelled and began crying. "I need to get home sometime this evening!"
"You're lucky that I'm even going to let you leave at some point this afternoon," she said. "Most dumb kids like you are in group homes and they stay there forever. That's where you should be, rather than here being a parasite sucking our society dry and costing us tax payers money!"
"I'm not a parasite," he said as he put his head in his hands.
She turned to the class and smiled. Cody watched her and he felt like he could wet himself at any moment.
"Class," she said. "On the count of three, I want you to repeat after me. Cody, you're a brainless idiot and you should be put away so we don't have to be around you."
They repeated it, then everyone laughed, all except Cody. He was sobbing now and he had his head in his hands and he felt himself lose control of his bladder.
"See that you freak!" Mrs. Smith yelled looking down at him. "Even they think so. You're lucky I don't call Children Services and tell them that your mother isn't a good mother. I also see that black-haired boy you hang with around the school. You think he really cares about you? You think he really loves you? Yeah, I see the looks you and him give one another. It's disgusting is what it is. You're lucky I don't also tell Children Services that that boy is sexually abusing you and have him and your mom put in prison. Then you could go to a nursing home for people like you and I wouldn't have to have my time wasted."
"Kevin does love me," Cody said through his tears. "I know that and they wouldn't believe you about what you'd tell them about him or my mom."
"You don't know how well I could make them believe me," she said in a hateful tone. "We're going through these problems again and if you give me the wrong answer again or if you screw around one more time, then I'll call the authorities and that boy and your mom will be put in prison tonight. I mean that. You won't ever get to see them ever again. You'll go to a group home for freaks like you. They'll make you do what they want there and you won't get to have your drawing materials, your so-called friends, your mom and you won't get to enjoy your sunny days nor will you be allowed to listen to your music ever again. I still can't believe you actually think that boy or your mom actually love you. Don't you realize that people say a lot of things just to keep idiots like you quiet and out of their way!"
"No!" Cody yelled again and his bladder let go once more. "It isn't true!"
"Well, whatever you want to think," she said and smirked. "Anything else to say before we get started again?"
"Yeah," a new voice said. "Get the fuck away from my friend right now, you fucking Bitch!"
0000
Kevin
I walked down the hall to my last class and heard yelling and I knew it was a teacher. I heard some of the replies from the voice of whoever it was being yelled at. I couldn't make them out since they were mostly unintelligible because of the person crying, but then I heard the name "Kevin and something about love and I knew it was Cody who she was yelling at. I hadn't ever stayed long enough to ever see how his special ED classes played out each day, but I saw some of the kids around the building sometimes who were his classmates and they weren't sweet and kind like he was. They were more often than not, being suspended from time to time due to various infractions against school policies and other such things. I figured I'd stop by and the door was resting against the door jam, but not latched all the way. I quietly opened the door and saw the teacher standing over him. I met her in the halls a couple of times when walking to various classes of my own and though she would say hi to me when I said it first, there was nothing warm or inviting in her tone at all.
After I told her to get the fuck away from him, they both looked up at me. I walked towards Cody's desk and he jumped up knocking over his chair in the process. He ran to me and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I had to have him ease his grip a little and though he listened and did as I asked, he was still holding on to me tightly.
"Yeah, the lovebirds are getting it on right here," a boy said from my right.
"Shut up," I said turning my head to face him.
"You're interrupting my class," Mrs. Smith said walking up to us.
I got Cody to let go of me, but I allowed him to hold my hand. He gripped it tightly and it was cold as ice.
"Oh I am huh," I said looking directly at her. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Thing is though, I kind of have a problem with teachers using their authority to beat up on kids, especially ones who are different in the way they experience things."
"Oh, is that what you're calling it?" she asked stepping closer to me. "Why don't you call it what it is. He's a retarded idiot who won't ever amount to anything and once he gets to a certain place in his life, he'll go to a home for people like him."
"That's not going to happen," I said.
"Why don't you just leave so I can get back to trying to teach him at least one thing before the day is out."
"The only place I'm going is to the admin office to let Mr. Evans know what's going on," I said as I turned and guided Cody to the door.
"He won't believe you," she said.
"I guess we're going to find out who he'll fucking believe," I said as I neared the door only to find my Science teacher Mr. Brooks standing there filling the doorway.
"This looks rather lively," he said in a good-natured voice, but he wasn't smiling.
"Oh, it's nothing," I said stepping up to him. "Just a boy who didn't do anything to anyone being abused for no reason by a teacher who thinks that because she has the ability to abuse that somehow, that gives her the right. Now unless you're going to help Cody and I, then I have to tell you to get out of the way. I'm really not in the mood."
"It's okay Kevin," he said. "Just come with me and we'll call your and Cody's parents. I'll take you to Mr. Evans office and we'll get this sorted out."
"I'll do as you ask," I said. "But there's nothing to sort out as you so diplomatically put it. This woman was verbally and emotionally abusing my friend and I could hear it as I was walking near, then close to this door on my way to your class. You're just two doors down past this room, so I don't know how you couldn't have heard something. It doesn't matter though, let's just go and get this taken care of."
Once at the principal's office, Cody and I sat down beside one another at the desk across from Mr. Evans. He sat there watching both of us and Mr. Brooks sat across from us. I told him what I heard and with gentle help from me, Cody told him the whole story.
"Well, I'm sure that we can work this out," he said. I felt my guts tighten with fear and hate for him. My body tingled and tightened unpleasantly and I knew something was coming.
"Exactly how do you want to work this out?" I asked. "This boy, my friend was verbally abused by a teacher. One you allowed to come in to this building. Whether she's a sub is not the point. The fact is that she's here with teaching credentials and on your watch, she abused those teaching credentials. So either you'll deal with her or you won't. For you to say the words "work something out" implies that you think we all can talk this out."
"I'm sure we can," he said. "Why don't I just call her down here and she can give her side of the story and we'll see how we can negotiate this."
"No!" Cody yelled and gripped my hand harder. "I don't want to see her again!"
"Now Cody," Mr. Evans began in a condescending voice that made me want to slap him. "There's no need to get excited. Maybe you misjudged her tone and maybe you seriously misunderstood what she was trying to say to you."
"Mr. Evans," I began. "With all due respect, I would like to call my mom, then Cody's mom. Cody scares really easily and he's already scared as it is. I really don't feel comfortable with the direction you're taking this meeting at all. In case you missed it, Cody did tell you that she made statements about the nature of his and my relationship."
"I didn't miss that," Mr. Evans said. "She didn't actually come right out and accuse you two of being gay lovers though did she? Of course, we'll need to talk about your public displays of affection towards Cody at the dance on Friday night."
"She went so far as to accuse me of sexually abusing Cody for one thing," I said. "That part enrages me for the simple fact that I had been abused that way back a couple of years ago. It might be fun for her to talk that way about rape, but given that I went through it, I find that very hard to listen to. Oh, and exactly what do you mean about my "public displays of affection" towards Cody. I realize that he and I essentially outed ourselves to the school given that we danced with one another most of the night, but unless we actually said over the intercom that we're boyfriends, then there's really nothing to talk about. We do have protections here at this school for people who are GLBT as it concerns harassment from either teachers or kids against a student they're doing it to so I'm respectfully asking you to watch how you speak to us about that."
"Well, most teachers might not understand what you and Cody have and the same goes for your brother and his friend," Mr. Evans said.
"Unless Caleb and Nathan are raping one another, forcing one another to be in a relationship with one another or forcing everyone else to watch them have sex right in front of us all, then I fail to see how whether they're friends or more than that is anyone else's business but theirs," I said.
"Well, you must understand that I have the image of this school to protect," Mr. Evans said. "If I let you and Cody as well as your brother and his gay lover give public displays of affection to one another, then I'd have to do this for straight couples as well."
"I haven't verbally confirmed or denied that Cody and I are boyfriends and neither has Nathan or Caleb," I said. "Also, I've seen nonGLBT couples around here hold hands while walking for a moment and last week, I watched you look right at a guy and girl who have admitted that they're dating. They were holding hands and he actually gave her a kiss. A small kiss, but a kiss none the less. She kissed back in the same nonprovoking manner and you did nothing about it. You simply walked away."
"Even so," Mr. Evans said. "I can't have my school being given a bad reputation because of four boys who feel that they can advertise and even recruit other kids in to their gay ideology. I'm giving you and Cody an official reprimand right now that any further public displays of affections between the two of you and I'll let your brother and his gay lover know this as well that if I see it a second or third time, then I'll suspend you guys."
"I'm done here," I said as I looked at my watch. It was almost 3:00 in the afternoon and I met Mr. Evans's eyes and tried to keep my voice calm. "It's almost time to go and I'm calling my parents as well as Cody's mom right now. I will not sit here and "work something out". I also won't "negotiate something with you and that abuser either."
"You're still not allowed to use your cell phone since class is still going on," Mr. Evans said. He moved the desk phone towards me and I picked it up and called my mom.
0000
Caleb
We were sitting in my room, all of us. I sat on the edge of my bed and Nathan sat beside me. Cody and Kevin were on the foot of my bed laying there facing us. Alicia was sitting in her usual spot and the current in the room was electric enough so that the lights could have been powered with it rather than the regular grid electricity. When Kevin called our parents and Cody's mom, they all three arrived at the school not long after. Kevin and Cody were still in Mr. Evans's office and when they arrived, they told us on the way home that they had talked with Kevin and Cody, then they came to the classroom in which Nathan and I were assigned for that last period and they got us. Nathan's mom was still at work and was unable to get off since she was in the middle of some sort of emergency meeting and she had her phone off and the receptionist couldn't disturb the meeting. My parents left her a message and we figured that we'd hear back from her and in the message, they let her know that due to an emergency situation of our own that Nathan was coming home with us rather than going to his house to get his bag first before going with us to our house.
On the way home, Kevin and Cody told us everything that went on from the time that Cody was abused by Mrs. Smith and up until the meeting between the two of them and Mr. Evans. Cody's mom followed us to the house at which point we sat down with her and Cody told her everything he had been through and he and Kevin together, told her about their nonproductive meeting with Mr. Evans as well. She allowed Cody to stay with us while she went home to get some of his clothes and other things. I knew he'd be staying the night even if we hadn't already arranged it for him to stay with us that night and through Thanksgiving and the day after, at which point Kevin would go to his house for the weekend.
After Cody's mom left and we got a small snack, we ate it then came to my room and there was a long silence, then Alicia broke it.
"I'd still like to know who that bastard thinks he is," she said softly and I heard the hate in her voice. "I could tell from the way he spoke at assemblies that he cared mainly about the school's image, but most people in authority have that concern for their place of business. I just hoped he knew how to balance that with his concern for us and all of our needs as students."
"Clearly he doesn't," I said.
"So we just sit down across the table from him and eat butter cookies and drink tea and talk with him about how we can help him balance out his concerns for the school's image with caring for us as students?" Kevin said. "I don't mean to be sarcastic or take my anger out on you sis, but we need to remember what he said at the end of our meeting. This isn't about him being overly-focused on one point of concern. He said the things he did, for one reason and one reason only. He doesn't like people or kids who are GLBT and he's letting us know that, but without all the antigay name-calling."
"I wished I could have been there," she said. "I can't believe he actually called you guys gay lovers. That makes it sound so cheap."
"Yeah, well fuck him," Nathan said. "We'll get this figured out and we'll figure out what to do. I trust that our parents will figure out what we can do to fix this."
"I hope so," I said.
Cody in all that time hadn't said anything and I was worried about what effect all this would have on him.
"You haven't said much since we all got home Cody," I said turning to him. "How are you feeling right now?"
Once we got home that afternoon, we let Cody go and get a shower from when he had wet himself and my mom began washing his clothes. Melissa had his clothes already there so he changed once he got out of the shower and even then he was still quiet.
"I'm just kind of tired from everything," he said.
"We'll probably go and lay down for a bit," Kevin said.
"I understand," I said.
They hugged Nathan, Alicia and I then went to lay down in their room.
0000
Kevin
Once in our room, I took Cody in my arms and just held him for a moment. He held me, but I felt that continuing tightness in his body. I guided him over to the bed and we lay down. I waited to see if he'd say anything and he lifted his head from my chest and looked at me. His eyes were wide and haunted.
"Kevvy?" he said hesitantly.
"Yeah Cody," I said softly. "What is it?"
"You wouldn't tell me things just to keep me out of the way would you?" he asked as his lower lip began to tremble.
"Cody I love you more than anything," I said, my voice growing thick with emotion. "I'm with you because I love you and you're my friend because I care deeply for you."
"So you wouldn't ever want to see me go to some home for kids like me?" he asked.
"No," I said looking deep in to his eyes.
"But you're not able to just relax and have a good time with friends because you're always having to explain things to me that I don't understand," he responded. "So you can't just be care-free and be able to joke around the way you might want to if you were with other kids."
He was crying now and I held him close and let him get it out of his system.
"Cody I couldn't ever feel care-free if I had other friends, because they wouldn't be kind, loving and deeply compassionate like you are," I said looking deeply in to his eyes once again. "Other kids don't make me feel the way you make me feel, not as a friend and certainly not as a boyfriend. I'm with you as a friend because you make me laugh and also because you love to talk with me and you listen as I talk. I'm also with you as a boyfriend, because you're amazingly sexy, loving and you have more love for me than any other boy I could be with. So if I didn't feel care-free or happy, it would be because of the idea of what it would be like to not have you in my life. I can't ever picture my life without you in it and I think sometimes what it would be like if you weren't in my life and I feel sad when I think about it. I think my life would feel really empty without you. Sure, I'd have Caleb, Nathan, Alicia and our parents and that would give my life meaning, but not in the same way that you give my life meaning. I love you so much Cody and I want you always to remember that."
I placed my lips on his and began kissing him. He responded and our kiss deepened and grew hotter. We kissed and caressed one another, then he broke the kiss.
"I love you too so very much Kevvy!" he said. "You give my life meaning and you bring a lot of love to my life too. I feel the exact same way you do and I want you to remember that as well."
"I'll do that," I responded.
After we finished talking and Cody was considerably more calm, there was a knock on the door and I told whoever it was to come in. The door opened and it was my dad. He looked troubled, but he also looked a little happy at the same time.
"I have a little good news," he said sitting down on the foot of the bed when Cody and I sat up and began sitting on the edge of the bed to focus on what he was saying. "Bret is doing better and your mom and I have been talking with him over the past couple of days towards the end of last week and part of Yesterday and today."
"Does he have anywhere to go at all?" I asked.
"No," that's what I wanted to talk to you about and I'm just waiting for your mom to come in here so we can talk to you about it and I'll go and get Caleb and Nathan as well as Alicia so we can all talk."
Once everyone was in our room, my dad began talking. The long and short of it was that he and mom had been talking to Bret about where he would stay once out of the hospital. The time for him to be released would be coming, possibly at the end of the week and when they asked him about it, he immediately said he'd find a shelter to go to.
Given the types of people my mom and dad were, they immediately objected, and tried to help him think of other options. He said that he didn't want to get in anyone's way and they started talking to him about coming here to the house to stay. He began to turn them down, but they asked him to at least think about it. He agreed to and that day, he told them that he was thinking seriously about taking them up on their offer. If he agreed, they'd be bringing him here the next day, but they wanted to let us know and make sure we were alright with it. We all agreed to it and they said they'd be leaving to go to the hospital to let him know. Should he actually agree to come and stay with us, then it would be a bright spot to lighten up everything. Of course, that's if they decided he could go the next day instead of keeping him until the end of the week.
0000
Bill and Maria sat on either side of Bret's hospital bed with him sitting up looking at them. He looked from Bill to Maria and he watched their faces.
"So you really are alright with me coming to stay with you guys for a while?" he asked. "I promise you won't even know I'm there. I really don't want to get in anyone's way. I'll try really hard with that."
"You won't be in anyone's way at all," Maria said. "You'll get to see Kevin and Cody which will allow you to get to know them better. I understand that you guys were wanting to get together, but then everything happened."
"Yeah," he said. "I'd like to get to know them a little better."
"You won't have to worry about us not knowing you're there," Bill said taking Bret's hand. "We want you around and I've come to like you and I want to know you're safe and happy."
"Bret felt his eyes filling and he broke down. It was partly of sadness towards everything he had lost, but happiness about what he might gain if he made the choice.
"I'll go with you guys," he said as they held him. "I'll move in with you and I can't say how grateful I am that you guys are helping me."
"We're grateful you're accepting our invitation and our help," Bill said.
"I'm happy you're letting us in to your life," Maria added.
"So am I," he said.
After he dried his eyes and they let him go, he lay back down and looked at each of them. He smiled for the first time in what seemed like years and he began to fall asleep. They continued to stay with him for a few minutes longer and after sitting there stroking his hair, Bill and Maria got up and each kissed him on the forehead and left to return to the house.
Author's Notes
The abuse scene with Cody and Mrs. Smith is based on something in my own life. It happened back when I was at The Ohio State School for the Blind back in the 2001/2002 school year. One of my friends in our Home EC class had various learning disabilities and he was having trouble understanding an assignment one day. I tried to explain it to him and the substitute teacher twisted it as if I was trying to be a counselor to him.
He got more and more upset with how she was treating him and I was trying to get the other kids to leave him alone since they began joining in with making mean-spirited comments to him. She eventually told the class that she was going to say a word and she wanted them to repeat it back. It was a word from her native language and translated in to English, it meant "goat" according to her anyway.
I don't know what language it was, but given that she was from somewhere in Africa according to her, it must have been from a dialect of that language or some such offshoot. So she told them the word and she told them to say it to my friend which they did. Of course I didn't join in and I yelled at them again to stop and by this time, my friend was upset enough so that he was ready to possibly get violent, but by that point, the bell signaling the end of the class and the end of that particular school day sounded and I walked my friend down to his locker, then to the doors to the school, since his bus was waiting by the curb.
I never forgot that and to this day, I hate that Bitch Cunt who called herself a teacher. I have not much anger for the kids who were teasing my friend, as they were in a group and things like that can unfortunately happen when teens with somewhat of a lack of impulse control are in a group. I have complete anger for this teacher, as she took advantage of their barely formed inability to control their impulses and she used that to her own advantage to abuse a boy weaker than her or anyone else. I don't know where she is now, but I hope she suffers. If there was a Hell, I truly wouldn't be saddened if she went to it and fried forever. Have I forgiven her? No. Do I think about it? No. Will I ever forgive her? Fuck no!
That episode of abuse I saw with her as well as many others, and my eventually stumbling upon the writings of Chris Hedges about five years ago showed me that the powerful are of either two camps. They're either of the weak type which is the typical Vocational Rehabilitation Counselors for the visually impaired, or they're psychopathic piece-of-shit Bastards and Cunts like this particular teacher I just described.
The question in the end is not how do we get good people to rule, as the correct assumption is that people looking for positions of authority and power are either weak or mean-spirited. So the question becomes, how to get the powerful to be stopped from doing too much damage. As Chris Hedges correctly points out, it's not our job to take power. It's our job to defy the powerful, especially when they're set on using their power and authority to abuse, exploit and subjugate others.
So everyone have a good evening, and I'll see everyone in Chapter 22.