A Safe Place By James
Disclaimer
This story deals with sexual as well as romantic situations between teenaged males. Should you be offended by such material, or if you're not of the legal age to read such material, then please find something else to read.
This is a work of fiction. Any characters similar or close to resembling people in real life living or dead is strictly coincidental.
Finally, please remember to donate to Nifty so that these stories can remain free to the public.
If anyone wants to contact me regarding the story, I can be reached at vector18@msn.com. I welcome all e-mails, but flames will be ignored.
Chapter 24
Caleb
December came with the largest snow storm we had experienced so far. Even at 14, I hadn't yet seen much in the way of snow which fell as hard and was as deep as it was at that point. When it began on the first of December, I thought that it was just the change in weather; I had no way of knowing that at that point that things would be changing in my life and in the lives of people around me.
The day before, I had been having headaches throughout the day and I figured that my Glaucoma was acting up. When the pressure gets high enough, the symptoms if they're not blood vessels busting open in the front of the eyeball, then it's deeply painful headaches. I had no vision save for light perception, so even if I had bleeding in the front of the eyes, I wouldn't have the blurred vision associated with that, but the pain was bad. I had even thrown up a couple of times and was glad that Nathan wasn't there to see me like that. The weekend was coming though and I knew he'd probably want to come over and I had a lot of reservations about him seeing me as sick as I was.
The other thing which was happening, was that in the month of November, I had been assigned to a new O&M instructor who was teaching me additional things on how to navigate around with my guiding cane safely. Unfortunately though, she was one of those types who had the tough love way of looking at things and even on the first day, she made it a point to call me out for not moving my cane enough to the left when moving it from side to side when we were walking on one of our sidewalks. She then went on to say that if I didn't do better, then how could I expect to succeed as an adult later in the real world. When I told her that I didn't appreciate what she said just for that one error with my cane, she told me that I didn't have a right to object to what she was saying, as it was her job to prepare me for the real world and to push me to do well. Unfortunately, in the way she was doing it, there was the implication that I was already predisposed to not wanting to do for myself independently as a person who was blind which was complete bullshit.
This continued on all that week and this week wasn't looking any better. I hoped that I could handle it, but it didn't look good. I was then snapped out of my thoughts by someone knocking on my bedroom door. I had finished my homework and was lying down trying to get rid of my headache.
"Come in," I said and tried to fight the nausea from the pain in my head.
The door opened and it was my dad. He sat down on the edge of my bed and put a hand on my forehead. I had a cold washcloth resting above my left eye which was where the pain was.
"How's the pain?" he asked and kissed the part of my forehead still exposed.
"It hurts really bad," I said trying to keep down the nausea, but feeling closer and closer to throwing up at any moment.
"I'm sorry to hear that," he said and rubbed my head gently. I then felt the nausea increase and I sat up and he moved and held the trashcan where I could get to it. I threw up and the pain got worse. It was made all the worse by the fumes which emanated up from the trashcan which filled my nose and made me want to vomit even more and I gagged harder and more came up. Finally after another moment of this, I sat there with my head over the opening of the can waiting for anything further to happen, but it seemed like it was over. I then fell back on the bed and my dad held me.
"I know it hurts," he said. "I came in to check on you, but also to let you know that your mom and I made an appointment with Dr. Wilson, your eye doctor for Monday of this up-coming week and he'll check you out. Hopefully it's nothing more than you having to be put on a different dose or on a different medication entirely."
"I hope that's all it is too," I said.
Nathan
I finished my homework and my worries returned. The weekend before, Caleb and I were at his house and though he was having headaches from his Glaucoma, he was acting different in other ways. He was more set on doing things for himself without help, but this time when he'd assert his independence, it had the feel of anger and I especially didn't like the look he had in his eyes when he'd look at me and let me know he'd do whatever it was by himself.
He was also becoming more distant and when he and I did talk, he talked about getting out more which was actually ridiculous since he got out a lot, and not just with me, but he'd get out and do things with Kevin, Cody, Alicia and he would go out and have something to eat or just hang out with other guys and girls with whom we had gotten close as friends. So he had nothing to worry about in terms of that situation. I figured I knew where he was getting this from, I had seen him interact with his mobility instructor a few times, the new one and when they came back to his house from a lesson and I'd be sitting in the kitchen waiting on him to finish up, she would be just finishing up lecturing him in a less than caring way.
It had the feel of condescension, meanness and petty bullshit. The first time I saw her and when we introduced ourselves to one another, I instantly disliked her. She had a rather cold look in her eyes and she only took the tips of my fingers in her hand rather than gripping my whole hand like any other person would. I wondered at that point if Caleb would have problems because of her and it was clear to me that he was.
Finally though, I thought about how it felt like he was pushing me away. That thought scared me more than anything. The thought that he wouldn't want me, no matter the reason hurt me deeply and I spent many nights alone in my room crying and trying to keep that thought out of my mind. I wasn't sure at this point what to do.
Caleb
The weekend before the Monday on which my appointment for my eyes was to take place, I was trying to rest. My headache was a small, but still present pain above my eye and it hadn't helped that Nathan and I had argued Friday about me coming over to his house. Looking back on it, I knew that without realizing it, my mobility instructor and her ideology was getting to me. I had been having fears about being alone in the world when I'd become an adult and I was truly afraid that in the real world when I became an adult that no one would be there at all to help me. I felt at that point, a deep and almost maddening desperation to learn and use in my life the independency that my instructor insisted I needed. At that point, nothing else mattered and there would be times when I'd have doubts and quickly, I'd push them away.
I was also starting to yell at anyone who would even suggest or ask if I needed help doing something. My siblings and parents never asked if I needed help and then would do something for me that I could do for myself. Some parents of a child who's visually impaired would do that and call it help, but not mine. They'd help by showing me how to do it for myself, but at that point, I was hyper-sensitive to even a suggestion that I needed help with anything.
So on that Friday when Nathan asked if I was still coming over, we were standing by my locker which was where we'd meet each other after school. I told him that I was going back to my house for that weekend.
0000
Nathan
"So are you ready to go?" I asked looking up at Caleb.
He looked horrible. I knew without him even having to say anything that he wasn't sleeping well and I could see what was now a reserved, almost fearful expression in his eyes that had never been there before.
"I'm going back to my house for the weekend," he said and turned to open his locker. "I have to practice some independence skills."
I stood and put a hand on his shoulder and he turned to look at me.
"Can't you just come over for a few minutes then so we can talk?" I asked. "I'm sure you can do what you have to do once you get back home."
"Okay," he said.
Once back at my house, I sat beside him on my bed, but unlike just a few days ago, he was several inches away from me and just days before when he'd be holding me or even so much as holding my hand, he wasn't making any physical contact with me at all. He was a few inches away from me physically, and yet it felt like the distance was infinite.
"What did you need Nathan?" he asked looking towards the door. "I really have to get home."
"I don't need anything Caleb," I said close to tears. His tone was cold and I noticed with sadness and horror that there was a tone of hostility that he never used with me before. "You don't have anything to prove to me with being independent as a guy who's blind Caleb. If that's what you're worried about, you don't have to. I don't know what that woman has been saying to you, and from the bits of conversation I hear between the two of you sometimes, I don't like it."
"So now it's that I have something to prove to you!" he said snapping his head to the side to look at me. His lovely blue eyes that were always so loving and soft were bright and electric with anger and rage. His face which was always kind and more loving than I had ever known was dark-red almost purple with that same rage. I moved away a few more inches and now the distance felt more than infinite. "It's always the same with you people who have all your vision isn't it! We try as blind people to improve our lives and be independent, then according to you guys, it's just us having to prove something!"
"No!" I said as I lost the battle with my tears and I started crying. "That's not what I'm saying Caleb! I feel like I'm losing you! I love you and I really need you!"
"Then stop interfering with me trying to better my life then!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. I tried to reach for him and he got up and ran from the room.
The door slammed and by the time I was situated in my wheelchair and speeding towards the door, he was gone. I felt more than broken-hearted. It was that last part of our argument that did it. I never in my life thought he'd scream at me. I couldn't take that last part.
0000
Caleb
It was Sunday evening and I had been going over in my mind the fight Nathan and I had on Friday. When I remembered it this time, deep and penetrating clarity crashed down upon me and it was like the eyes of my soul were opened and opened wide. I began crying and I felt deep remorse and sorrow for how I had been treating my family and how I had been treating Nathan.
After my crying was under control, I went out of my room and went to the closed door to my dad's study. I knocked on the door and he told me to come in. I went in and found a seat beside him on the couch. He closed the book he had been reading and set it off to the side.
"I need to talk to you," I began. "Is mom here?"
"She's in our room taking a shower."
"I was hoping she could be here," I replied.
"I can see if she's almost done," he offered.
"Thanks," I said. "I'd like that."
When my dad returned, my mom was with him and he said that she had just finished up when he came to check on her.
They sat down on the couch on either side of me and I gathered my thoughts so I could begin with what I had to say.
"I know I haven't been nice to you guys lately and I really am sorry for that," I said this, then broke down. I tried to continue, but I was crying too hard and they had their arms around me and were holding me between them.
"You don't have to say anything right now," my dad said.
"Just take your time," my mom said. "We know that your behavior wasn't really about us."
"We can't allow it to continue either," my dad added. "But we know that you'd eventually see that you needed to change."
After my tears were gone, I dried my eyes and began talking again.
"It's like I've been in a fog," I explained. "I just felt like that if I didn't do everything completely on my own, that I'd be truly all alone when I become an adult in the world. I actually began believing that I wouldn't have anyone to help me when I grow up."
"It was what that teacher was saying to you wasn't it," my mom responded.
"She didn't force me to act this way," I said.
"No," my dad added. "But she manipulated your mind and maybe some fears you'd have from time to time were ones that she exploited and then she probably added new ones. She took advantage of your still being young and also of your lack of experience."
"It definitely feels that way," I replied. "So I should probably give up one of my privileges since we need to talk about that."
"Well, as for punishments," my dad said. "It seems to me that we couldn't really punish you any further than probably the guilt and shame that you've probably been feeling."
"Your dad's right," my mom interjected. "The only thing we want from you is to do better with controlling yourself and your anger. If you feel worried about the future, then don't be afraid to come to your dad and I, or to your brother or sister."
"That's right," my dad added. "We're all here for you, all of us."
"Also, it goes without saying that you'll apologize to Alicia, Kevin and most of all to Nathan. He's called a couple of times since your phone has been off this weekend."
"I'll apologize to them and I know I need to talk to Nathan," I replied. "I'll do all of that. I promise."
"Thank you," my dad said.
"I second that," my mom added. "Even though you've acted the way you have, we're really proud of you for standing up and taking responsibility."
"So am I," I said. "Thank you guys for being there for me."
"You're welcome," they said.
After finding Kevin and Alicia and talking to them along with Cody being there, as he had been staying there with Kevin for the weekend and I didn't yell at him as much as I had ignored him and I felt in my heart that it was that which hurt him more than any unkind word I could have said to him.
After Alicia, Kevin and I talked, I turned to Cody and reached out and after a moment, he took my hand.
"I really am sorry for how I treated you as well Cody," I told him. "I shouldn't have acted to you the way I did and it was wrong of me to treat you how I did."
"Thanks Caleb," he said looking at me. "I just wasn't sure why you were acting the way you were to us and to me. I was starting to think that you didn't like me anymore."
I felt my eyes fill again and I took him in my arms.
"It's not you at all," I said crying. "I love you like a second brother. There were things happening to me and I took them out on you and the other people around me instead of dealing with them in the ways I was supposed to. Some of the time, I didn't really even think that anything was wrong."
"Thank you Caleb," he said. "Was it that teacher you were working with? I saw you with her a couple of times around the school and she didn't seem very nice."
"She wasn't," I answered. "I won't listen to her crap anymore though."
And I wouldn't be either. After the talk my parents and I had before I sat down with my brother, sister and Cody, we ended the talk by my parents telling me that the next day before we went to my eye appointment, that they were going to be letting the teacher know that she was no longer allowed to work with me. They'd be getting one of the specialists who worked at Michael and Josh's center to help me with O&M training. I agreed immediately and so that was done.
After I finished talking with Cody and my brother and sister, I went to my room and called Nathan. I just hoped that for he and I, it wasn't too late.
Author's Notes
Yes, this is the cliff hanger that we all hate, LOL. I figured that I'd stop here and continue on in the next chapter as other things will be happening in the next chapter.
I hope everyone had a good Christmas and a Happy New Year. I definitely did. So everyone have a good evening and I'll see everyone in Chapter 25