... A SHY BOY'S STORY...
Chapter Five (the End)
It was right there on the bulletin board, and it was right there all day Friday too. Todd's been promoted and transferred to New Hampshire ... and I didn't even say goodbye. No wonder he was acting sentimental at the end of work Friday. I'm such a loser, why couldn't I have looked at the bulletin board like we're all suppose to do every morning? Or, why couldn't I at least have figured something was up and asked him, like a normal person would... "Todd, what's up with you being so sentimental and all... what's up with that, dude?" Oh sure! That's me alright, I'm always saying stuff like that. I dragged my sorry ass home from my Sunday visit to Stop and Shop, put the ice cream in the freezer, the fruit in the refrigerator's vegetable bin, then plopped down on my bed and actually shed a couple of tears like a little kid. Then, wiping my eyes, I jumped up and went back to the refrigerator and angrily grabbed an apple as if I had a reason to be angry at anyone or anything except myself. The apple was real crunchy and sweet, but I had another fucking tear in my eye the whole time I was eating it, and boy did I ever mope around the house the rest of Sunday afternoon telling myself how much I sucked.
Naturally, I tried calling Jay about ten times, with no luck... I left urgent messages. About four-thirty he finally called me back all distraught himself because my messages sounded like I was distraught, which I was. Jay and his two female cousins had been on the beach without cell phones all day. Beautiful weather in Wildwood he'd told me, and the water was great too, no jelly fish... so they'd stayed on the beach and were late getting back to the house... he was so sorry he wasn't there for me. "That's why I didn't call back sooner, Elliot. What happened, why are you so upset?" I told him about Todd, and oh my God, Jay was so compassionate and understanding about the extent of my heartache. He blamed himself for not being more proactive in helping me with my quest to have Todd take my cherry... "and thus formally introduce you into the world of gay fucking, Elliot".... that's the way Jay put it. He can be quite dramatic at times, or is it, melodramatic? Anyway, Jay follows that remark with another apology, this one with agonizing sincerity, apologizing because he wasn't able to do "that" to me either, you know, screw me. He wished he could take my cherry for both our sakes, but he re-emphasized that it just wasn't physically possible for him to do it because of his phobia. By the end of our conversation I was consoling him, and trying to build-up his spirits, instead of the other way around. Crazy as it sounds, that helped me more then if Jay were trying to build-up my spirits... I think I love him.
We told one another how important we were to each of us and just when it was getting a bit awkward, a little "too much" perhaps, Jay's phone started drifting in and out. Through blank spots I heard him say his battery needed recharging and he hadn't remembered to bring the charger with him, and then some cursing followed which made me smile cause Jay doesn't curse too much and at times it doesn't come out making a whole like of sense. I only hope he heard me say "thanks for your support, Jay... you're the greatest friend ever!" but even if he didn't hear it all, he already knew I felt that way. He was saying something like that back at me I'll bet, but I didn't hear him either. Earlier in the conversation I did hear that he'd be home Tuesday afternoon instead of Tuesday night, so that's only a day and a half away. I'll need to wait less than two days before I'm able to see him... I've already missed him a lot. Ya know, I feel kind of lost without Jay so the sooner he gets back the better I'll like it. Let's see, Jay is back Tuesday after work, and the very next day is our first day of school. That'll help get my mind off Todd. For now though, to get my mind off Todd and my lost quest, I thought about Jay. Jay and his cute face and his soothing voice and the way he smelled and the way his taut body felt. I thought about how Jay cared so much for me, and how my disappointment of losing Todd and the way I botched-up the intended farewell got Jay almost more upset then me... what a good friend he is. Spent the rest of the afternoon in my room absently surfing "youtube" for music. At one point Ray came in to flop on my bed and ask, "Wus sup?". I'm like, "Oh, my boss at work got promoted and he'll be leaving for another location. I'm kind of sad about it". Ray was smelling the back of his wrist....
After a moment he goes, "What's that ya said, dude? You don't like your boss? Here Elliot, smell my arm" and he jumped off the bed and took two steps to my desk holding out his arm. I smelled it and said, "Weed... you been smoking weed again". Ray's like, "Yo! I'm impressed you even know what it smells like. Me and my main bud, Kevin, shared a joint on the ride over. He says I need to get you and me comfortable with each other. We're comfortable aren't we?" I go, "Huh? How, what, comfortable...?" Ray put his arm around my neck and his face next to mine and hugged a little, his breath smelled like beer as well as pot when he said, "Comfortable like big brother, little brother. Ya know, don't ya?" I go, "What's this all about Ray, I don't get it" without answering he rubbed his lips, then his tongue, across my lips. He's like, "Ewwww, how'd you like that, little brother?" He had my head in a tight grip by now and I'm like, "Ray, don't man... that's gross, and you're hurting my neck". Ray says, "Stick your tongue out" and he really tightened his hold around my neck so I couldn't breath, "Stick it out.." About a half inch of my tongue stuck out and Ray licked it and sucked it for a second, then mumbled, "OK, Elliot, that enough for our first time." He let go and flopped back on my bed... then, scrunching my pillow up to lay the side of his head on it, he looked at me from there, mumbling, "It's called brotherly love, dude. Kevin, explained it to me. Us big guys make sure we take care of our little brothers, I been nice to you, right? Then, on brothers-night, we mess around with you younger brothers practicing for when we get to do it with girls... and, the little brothers like you cooperate with us ... you dig dude?" I frowned and said, "No Ray, I don't get it. Sorry to be dense." Ray rustled around on my bed in a little coughing fit and then goes, "Don't worry about it. Kevin says, in addition to practicing, it's a blast and that most brothers do it all the time anyway, so we should too. I never fucking heard of it before, but it's under cover, ya know? And it sounds kinda hot too. Good way to start with, you know, fucking and all that..." He went back to smelling the back of his wrist. Ray was really wrecked.
I stared at him in disbelief because now it sure sounded like he was talking about a gay-buddy-sex kind of thing and I'd bet any amount of money Ray is not gay. He's easily influenced, but he's not gay. It would be nice if I could maneuver this situation into a way for Ray and me to be closer as brothers, but he just seems to want to be one-of-the-guys in Kevin's crowd... it's as if he wants Kevin's approval. And, it appears that for Ray to be one of the guys the way his new best bud Kevin is suggesting, then it means Ray needs me. Ray goes, "You'll love it probably, but I'm beat, Elliot... your tongue taste good, by the way. Hey, cover for me with Mom, will ya bro?" and he fell asleep on my pillow with droolings out the corner of his mouth. This was the first time in three weeks that Ray didn't look sexy to me... he's still kinda cute though, even smashed and making little sense. I got more pressing issues on my mind then what Kevin thinks about Ray though, and I need to do some more serious thinking about what, if anything, I can do about any of them... getting the photograph back to Todd for one thing, and what about my quest and all that...
Later at dinner, when Mom wanted to know where Ray was I said he had thrown up, stomach flu or something, and he fell asleep on my bed. Mom goes, "Oh that poor boy has always had a weak stomach. He worries so much about over-achieving... I'll tell you Elliot, you could do a lot..........." I stopped listening and ate my spaghetti and meatballs. Take out food again... this time from the Italian restaurant next to the hospital, so it wasn't bad. Mom's not much of a cook and take-out is always a welcome treat. I woke Ray around ten o'clock and he was groggy, but back to being the "nice Ray" saying, "Shit Elliot, sorry about molesting you earlier, was it awful?" I said, "No problem bro, it's OK" and he squeezed my arm and mumbled, "Thanks, man... you rock", then off to bed he went without his supper. Hey, maybe it's nothing more than that ... he simply wants us to be closer as brothers.
Next morning in the pouring rain I was off to work without breakfast because I'd overslept and definitely didn't want to be late, not today of all days. I ran all the way with water soaking through my sneakers. It's my first day without Todd as my boss. I'm now working directly for Bill which is going to be a very different thing. First off, I do not have a crush on Bill, and secondly, I'm no longer the 'teacher's pet"... in fact, where Bill is concerned, it's quite the opposite. He seems to resent that Todd favored me and so I expect shitty treatment from good old Billy, but I'll do my job with a smile on my face and try to win him over. I've tried to talk myself into accepting the reality of the situation here, to wit; no more Todd. I'm on my own again. Today I'll work a full day and then, tomorrow, Tuesday, will be my last full week-day of work this year. Tomorrow I'll also be meeting, and begin training my own personal "trainee". He or, god forbid, "she", will come from the part-time high school kids who are replacing the college kids. That's the group I'd be a part of myself if Mom hadn't become friendly with that lady at the hospital who pulled some strings and got me in as a full timer five weeks ago. Hope the kid I'll be training isn't an asshole because I'll be spending all my time with him for the next two weeks. Todd already has warned us guys that this year some of the new trainees are, gasp!, girls. For me that will not be fun at all. Hell, I'm hoping for a cute boy who looks up to me and hangs on my every word and thinks I'm like a rock star idol, kinda like I felt about Todd. Wouldn't that be sweet! Please dear Lord, not a girl! Well, I'll know Tuesday morning about that.
As soon as I walked in the front door of Stop & Shop Bill says, "A good Monday morning to ya, Ellis! Change into your uniform shirt and then you'll be in the parking lot till lunch. You don't even need to go to the morning meeting, just get your ass outside rounding-up those carts from yesterday's five-to-midnight shoppers." I said, "Right away, Bill" and hustled toward the part-timers locker room to change, then I ran to the utility closet for a yellow rain slicker, and then out into the elements. What fun!. It was raining like only a crazy summer storm can, but I went out with a smile. As I smiled and waved at Bill I was thinking, "You are such a pompous pant load, Billy boy!" Outside in the rain, with the smile fading from my face... then, dropping the smile entirely when I realized no one but me was out here... replaced the smile with a scowl. It was a long morning, I was wet as a rat in the river by lunch and, as fate would have it, the rain stopped just before noon... just as my shift out here was coming to a close and here comes the sun peeking out behind the clouds... ain't that nice. My first day on the job without Todd as my boss and it's not going real great so far.
It's not me making this up, but this kind of thing would never happen when Todd was here, and for good reason too. He always said, "Fuck the shopping carts, they're water proof. We'll get em' when it stops raining" everyone loved Todd. Well, everyone liked him, I loved him. Inside, taking off the yellow slicker, I looked up to see Alex Cora there waiting for me. It really surprised me, he was holding two employee towels from our locker room and a dry uniform shirt for me. Alex handed me a towel and draped the other over my shoulder while saying, conspiratorially, "He's an asshole of major proportion, Elliot. Todd wouldn't send us in the rain for shopping carts. Here, I got these for you." He unsnapped my name tag from the wet shirt I was wearing and snapped it on the dry one as I dried my hair with one of the towels he'd brought for me. We walked together into the lavatory so I could dry off the rest of me and change shirts. Alex was describing this long tale about how badly Bill treated Shaun, whoever he is... treated him so badly the kid quit. I'm like, "Gee, that's awful, Alex. Was he a friend of yours?" Turns out Alex didn't know him too well either and the kid was actually a trouble maker etc etc. I liked Alex now, especially since he was sorta sucking-up to me and that's all fine, but I couldn't help but notice Alex did a lot of talking... a tiny bit irritating with the non-stop chatter. What the hell, I'm not perfect and and he's a good kid.. it was real nice to have a regular friend here too, chatty or not. Wish I hadn't sucker punched him though... you know, now that I've gotten to be friends with him.
I bagged groceries all afternoon, that job doesn't require much brain power so I used some of my brain to fantasize about what might have been with Todd. After all, he was gay at one point in his life... "Love always, Josh" was written on the back of that picture of Josh and Todd. As Jay said when he saw the inscription, "Thats a clue". I miss Jay and I miss Todd a lot too. Just before the end of the day I was staring at the "congratulation" sign that was still up on the bulletin board and something struck me... hey, just because Todd got promoted Friday doesn't mean he jumped into a car and drove to New Hampshire. He probably has a little time off before starting his new job... hell, I saw him washing his car last Saturday, the day after he got the promotion. Obviously he'll eventually move, but he couldn't have moved already, could he? I began thinking about walking over to his apartment complex tonight after dinner. I don't know what I'll do when I get there, but I'm going to go see, and that's that. Walking home I realized that just saying something to myself like "and thats that" didn't mean I could pull it off. Certainly not anything quite so cavalier as stalking Todd again. I'd need to work up to something like that over a period of time, especially since I made such an ass of myself when he was trying to say "goodbye forever" last Friday after work. The thought of apologizing for that misunderstanding and then saying something appropriate about how much I thought of Todd is so daring an endeavor it scares the hell out of me to even be contemplating it at all. Jay has helped my shyness a lot, a real lot, but there's a long way to go and I'm not the kind of kid who can easily back-up a statement like "I'm going to do something, and that's that!". Shit! What would I say if Todd unexpectedly sees me while I'm still thinking up what to say to him... like he spots me while I'm in his parking lot? Hmmmm, let me think about this some more....
OK, here's a compromise, I'll definitely go over... but I definitely will not make contact with him even if I see him. I'll skirt the parking lot and look for his Volkswagen. If I don't see him, ringing his fucking bell is so far out of the question it's not even funny, so forget about that. Then, after dinner, I simplified my worries by deciding to forget the whole thing. I'll wait until Jay gets home tomorrow. Feeling like a coward about this latest non-decision of mine, I lay on my bed trying to rationalize my way out of it somehow. Then Jay, using his cousin's cell phone, called me and we talked awhile about a few things until I eventually filled him in on my original plan to go to Todd's apartment complex and see what's up with him. I told him about my latest, final, decision of waiting for him, Jay, to get home tomorrow before doing anything. He was quiet for a second and then Jay, in a nice way, talked me into going over there myself right now like I had planned to do when I first thought about it. Shit! Jay was firm about it, telling me I could do it and I should do it. As for Jay, he was going up on the Wildwood boardwalk with the giggly girl cousins I could hear in the background... he signed off wishing me good luck, "You can handle this by yourself, Elliot... I have faith in you buddy. Go get him". I'd given in to Jay because I didn't want him thinking I was a wuss. I was also wondering how he can stand to hook-up with those girl cousins all day and night... they sound so annoying, it's beyond me... I wish I was there with Jay, just him and me. The boardwalk sounds wicked cool. After ending our phone call, I had no choice now... off I went to fulfill my promise to Jay. I promised that I'd at least walk over and ascertain if Todd had moved out yet. See, Jay gently forces me into doing things I should do in the first place, but don't want to do, and wouldn't do unless pushed by Jay to do it... whatever "it" happens to be.
All the way over I was wishing Jay had just gone up on the boardwalk without calling me and then I wouldn't be needing to do this. I was feeling sorry for myself and a little pissed-off at 'fate' for choosing this particular time to have Todd get promoted. Damn it all, Todd worked in that Stop and Shop since he was in high school and then five weeks after I get here he's transferred... what's up with that? Don't tell me I don't have shitty luck. Now, slowly walking to Todd's apartment complex, I have sweaty palms, dry mouth, shriveled-up nuts, watery eyes and a pounding heart... and to go along with everything else, I'm having trouble breathing, and ya know why? Because I'm too fucking shy to be doing something this aggressive, that's why. I need to be in the background keeping my mouth shut so I don't draw attention to myself. What I should do right this fucking second is turn around and forget this whole damn thing, I'm simply not cut-out for this. Then...... then I was there. I was standing at the edge of the parking lot and I felt I needed to pee. Can't pee here though, I should have peed before I left my house... this SUCKS! This kind of thing is so much easier when Jay's with me
I shuffled around behind a van and peered up the row of cars, no Volkswagen. Next row same thing, and then the third row and I'm right in someone's high beams... it's undobtedly Todd. I'm busted and I'm positively going to pee my pants, but the car goes right by me. It was a Toyota of some kind with two woman in it smoking cigarettes. OK, he's left, I can go home. I turned around and almost walked into Todd's car which was parked on the end, quite a ways from his apartment. I knew it was his Volkswagen because it had a Stop & Shop parking sticker on the back window. Balls! Now I'll need to get closer so I'll be able to report to Jay if Todd is home or not... maybe he's out with that old guy again. It took me five minutes slinking behind cars to get close to his apartment, but even then I couldn't actually see it because it faced away from the parking lot. My heart kept up the fast beating and I soon had a headache to go along with needing to pee.... and then, thinking about those things instead of watching where I was going, I stepped in a hole and fell on my face in the gravel that bordered the parking lot, scraping the palm of both my hands in the process. God damn it! I scraped my knee too. I was about five years old the last time I had a scraped knee. Everything pissed me off so much about this whole ridiculous endeavor that I got right up and, without thinking about it, I marched right up to Todd's door and rang the bell. He opened it almost immediately, like he was expecting someone. My eyes were filled with water, my knee was bleeding a little and I couldn't talk. It took all the guts I'll probably ever have just to ring Todd's bell. When he opened the door his expression was like, 'what the hell?' and he couldn't speak for a second at first either. We just looked at each other. He looked so clean and nice and cute and young and perfect. He always was clean shaven and he'd just gotten a short, neat haircut and every single thing about him was so "just like Todd White" ...except it's the first time I'd seen him in cargo shorts and a T shirt... he looked about seventeen years old... the age he'd been in the photograph with his boyfriend Josh.
Todd recovered his voice and said, like it was a question, "Elliot...?" Then he smiled his little smile and quietly added, "Why of course it's Elliot... and you're hurt. Come in... come in... Come on inside Elliot" and he took hold of both my wrist to gently pull me inside. I was basically comatose as I stumbled inside his apartment. No one else was there, thank God! Todd asked, "What happened, Elliot? Tell me. please..." He had his arm across my shoulder walking me into a little half lavatory where he got me seated on the closed toilet seat. I sat there stiff, like I was a robot, as Todd got out this official looking first-aid kit. Naturally Todd would have just the right thing. He cleaned my knee scrape and then turned my hands over to see if they were scraped, smart fellow figuring if one's knee is scraped perhaps the palms of the hands are too. That's just the kind of thing I loved about Todd... totally competent in every situation... he always knew what to do. I admired that because I seldom knew what to do. All the time he was cleaning the scrapes, putting ointment and bandaids on, he was talking. Telling me he knew how shy I could get so I shouldn't feel uncomfortable about not talking right now, it was alright. I could talk when I felt like it and right now I should just relax and then he added, trying to lighten things up, that I was an excellent patient considering that doctoring is not one of his specialties. In fact, he said, this is the first time he's ever opened this first-aid kit. I stared at his face, not his eyes, his face... and the closer I looked at him the more perfect he appeared to be. I stared at the perfectly round, brown, beauty mark or birth mark, whatever it's called, thinking how cool it looked on his cheekbone with that wonderful smooth complexion of Todd's. He had very narrow, dark eyebrows of very fine hairs and, I don't know why, but they looked very cool too. His hairline, his eyelashes, his everything were perfect. I stared with my lips parted, panting slightly.
"OK Elliot, how'd I do?" and snapping out of my trance I surprised myself by saying, "Thank you, Todd. I stepped in a hole in the parking lot over there" and I pointed as if I knew my orientation from the toilet seat to the hole in the parking lot. I think I pointed away from the parking lot actually. Todd looked in the direction I was pointing and started to say something, but instead helped me up. "Come on into the kitchen, we'll get something to drink. What, ah... how'd you happen to be in my parking lot in the first place, dude? Huh?" An obvious question, one that positively needed to be answered, " I mumbled, "Uh-oh, huh?" then I said, barely above a whisper, "Ah... you got promoted, I didn't know".... Todd says, "So that's what happened... I thought about that possibility after you left Friday. It just didn't seem like you were saying goodbye as in 'goodbye-forever' and I wondered about that. Now it makes sense, but gee, I'm sorry you stepped in our bear trap out there..." I'm like, "Wha...? A trap?" Todd and I were in the kitchen, he grabbed two cokes from the refrigerator mumbling, "Just a bad joke, Elliot... there isn't any trap...ya know?" I desperately wanted to start some kind of conversation so I could eventually get around to confessing about the photograph I'd stolen, so I blurted out. "Pepsis are sweeter then Cokes", that was my best effort. Todd was like, "Really? I didn't know that." He took a big chug of Coke and, with a grin, says, "I need to put a little something in mine. This'll be our going away party, OK?" I didn't know what he meant until he got a bottle of Captain Morgon's rum out of an overhead cabinet. He carefully poured rum into his coke bottle, filling it back up to the top. Another smile, with sparkling eyes this time... "Let me see.." he took a big sip and said, "Perfect". I sipped my plain Coke as Todd took another big gulp and said, "Sorry I can't offer you some rum, but... you know, the legal drinking age thing and all." I mumbled, "I don't drink rum, I smoke pot quite often though" which is a lie, I had it only once with Jay.
Todd goes, "I'm leaving tomorrow morning. My friend Liam is helping me move. He rented a small u-haul... it's sad in a way because I've lived here for almost five years and you get....." I interrupted him with, "I took your picture" and my face was on fire after I said it. I coughed and looked away, frowning. It was so hot in that apartment, sweat broke out on my face and it ran in trickles down my back too. Todd says, real calmly. "Excuse me? A picture...?" Gulping, sweat pouring down the sides of my face, I reached in my back pocket and with trembling fingers pulled out his picture and sort of held it out in his direction. Now it was Todd's turn to frown. He needed to walk a couple of steps over to me to reach the photo because I'd become incapable of moving. I was staring at the kitchen's bright tile floor so hard another headache was starting to pound in my temples. Todd barely glanced at the picture, then pulled out his wallet and slipped it back in where he always keeps it, I guess. He took kind of a big breath, took a glass out of an overhead cabinet, poured some rum in it and then the rest of the rum and Coke from the Coke bottle. He took a swallow, added ice to his drink, and said, "I didn't know it was missing. Thank you." Without looking up I confessed seeing his wallet fall out of his back pocket and the stuff from his wallet scattering on the floor and me sneaking back to check it out... the whole story. Todd finished the drink he had, opened another bottle of Coke and made another drink that had more rum then Coke this time. "I see", he said. He didn't seem pissed-off, sort of mellow, resigned, or maybe in pain. Hard to tell because I was only able to sneak peeks at him when he did something like take a swallow of his drink. He says, "I need a cigarette and I don't smoke inside... would you come on outside with me..." I followed him carry my Coke which I'd hardly touched so far.
Outside was hot, inside was air-conditioned... this mystified me because I'd been sweating profusely inside just a little while ago. Todd smoked and drank and talked quietly about Josh. Todd and Josh were best buds from tenth grade up until three years ago, all together they'd been "best buds" for over six years. "What happened to him", I mumbled, Todd had to ask me to repeat the question because he couldn't hear me. The second time asking that question took all the energy I had and Todd wouldn't tell me anyway. He said, "It's too traumatic for me to discuss and probably too traumatic for you to hear, Elliot. You're even more sensitive then I was as a teen". He stepped on his cigarette butt and nodded his head toward his apartment and we went back inside. Now it felt cool inside and I was more comfortable. Todd fixed himself another drink and we sat at his little kitchen table. Todd told me he hadn't said Josh's name out loud for quite some time, but his memories of Josh are so special they'll always be a part of his life... he had a special place in his heart for his memories of Josh. His voice caught when he said "heart" and he took a big swallow of the rum and coke. I said nothing but was able by now to generally look up and sort of look at Todd when he talked. Not in the eyes, but in his face again, sort of. He said, "I guess you assume that because Josh wrote "Love always" on the back of the picture that we were gay for each other, right?" I looked back down at the table for the correct answer to that question, and the room started getting hot again. Todd goes, "Well, we were, and I still am, gay that is. I've been trying to kick that habit same way I'm trying to kick the cigarette habit and so far I'm doing better kicking the gay habit then the cigarettes actually..." and he did a fake laugh or chuckle, like "heh heh heh" and added, "How bout that?" Not looking up I said, "I'm gay too... and you're only the second person I've ever told that to".
Todd did not appear shocked at my admission, he quietly said, "Really? Thank you for sharing that with me, Elliot. It must have been difficult to say". I looked down and shook my head that it wasn't, but of course it was. He made himself another drink and we were quiet for a while. Then he told a charming story about how he and Josh met and some of the things they liked to do together. Todd has a soothing, unhurried way of talking that calmed me. It sounded as though Josh had been a very nice boy, but he and Todd were quite the shy ones. They helped each other over come almost a crippling degree of shyness... not when the two of them were alone together, they weren't shy then, but add a third party or a forth and so on, they'd just clam-up then and try to become invisible. Working together to overcome the shyness was eventually fairly successful and in time they were able to function almost as normally as everyone else. Todd talked lovingly about Josh but he wouldn't say what happened to him. I was feeling more comfortable by now, as I've said, but that led me to asked something outrageous... I almost feinted when I heard my mouth asking, "You ever fuck Josh?" In the dead silence that followed, the room began to move around and around, it got warmer still so I was dizzy, and sweating. Todd finally quietly said, "That's private between Josh and me, Elliot." I took a huge breath and managed to say, "I'm sorry". Todd hesitated, then said, "I'm still too sensitive where Josh is concerned, Elliot. Forgive me for snapping at you". I was barely able to say, "You didn't snap at me" but I mumbled it so low that I didn't even hear what I said myself. Todd asked, "Do you live far? I'll give you a ride if you do" and I said, "I've never been, you know... what I just asked about." Dead silence again. I waited for Todd to say something. Shortly, he gently suggested that in time one of my friend would surely accommodate me with "that" and I explained about my friend Jay's phobia. We were quiet again and I snuck a look at Todd by pretending I was sipping from my Coke bottle. He was holding his drink with both hands, the glass against his chin, staring at me.
After a while he said, "You've never had anal intercourse?" and I shook my head no, then in a fairly loud voice I said, "Will you show me what it feels like, Todd? I'd appreciate it." This made Todd blurt out a real chuckle and say. "Jesus Christ! Can I believe you, Elliot. You won't say hello half the time, you hardly ever look at me, you stiffen -up when I give you a friendly hug, but you come right out and ask me that?" And he did laugh now, "You're really something Elliot, I swear... you're one of a kind." I wasn't sure if he meant that was good or not so good. He got up, put his drink down, and stood behind me to massage my shoulders, saying... "I wouldn't feel right doing that Elliot. I'd feel I was taking advantage of you and, like I said earlier, I'm trying to break the gay habit. I was thinking maybe I could find a girl, fall in love, get married and raise a family. I'd really like to do that, but I'm pretty sure I'm kidding myself about the possibility of being able to do it... still, I have it in my mind." It felt good having his hands massage my shoulders and now the back of my neck. I mumbled, "Oh, so if you're kidding yourself, then how about helping me out". Todd said, "I've had too much to drink" and he leaned down to put his cheek against the top of my head and say, "Your haircut is just like the one Josh has in the picture. Did you notice that?" I said, "Yes, I did. Jay cut my hair, he's very good at that". Todd stopped the massage, picked up his drink and leaned against the kitchen counter to swill the remains of it down. Making another rum and coke he slightly slurred his words saying, "My friend will be here in about a half hour, Elliot. If you need the ride home we'll need to go pretty soon." I said, in a flat, low voice, "I need for you to fuck me, that's my quest, Todd." He actually spit a the mouthful of his drink in the sink, laughing again, then said, "Oh my God.... I can't believe this".
I walked over to him and leaned against him to say, "You can hug me if you want to". He looked a me now with a serious expression on his face, almost looking angry, but he soon had hungry eyes. Hugging me into his side with one arm, taking a big swallow out of the drink he had in his other hand he asked, to himself it seemed, "What should I do?" Facing away from Todd, my back pressed against his side... I was very loose and willing to be pulled around however he wanted. Rubbing his chin on the top of my head, he put his drink down so he could hug me with both arms and, bending his head down, he snuggled his face against the side of my neck and murmured, "You smell just like a boy should smell, Elliot". Then, shockingly, he kissed my jaw, then kissed my cheek, then used the back of his hand to pull my head to the side so he could reach to kiss my mouth... I smelled the rum, yuck! He turned me around so we were now chest to chest and kissed my mouth straight on. I kissed back the way Jay and I did it. After fifteen seconds I got use to the taste in his mouth, actually the rum and cigarette taste was fading fast. My saliva was diluting the booze taste I guess. The kissing got as hot as when Jay and I do it and Todd's face felt as warm as Jay's gets. Todd's hands were all up and down my body, his cock was very hard and pushing at my belly. Todd kept going, "Mmmmmm... oh... mmmm, ahhh... it's been so long..." as he kissed me. He made me feel like I was a treasure.
It was as though I were a delicious food he was eating. I held him around the neck now and made little grunting noises in my throat as we kissed, I didn't want to make the little grunting sounds, they just happened on their own. My cock was very hard too... soon I felt a wet spot through my shirt where the head of Todd's boner was pressed into my belly. He gasped, pulled his mouth off mine and said, "Pull your pants down now, Elliot... and turn around please. I'm going to fuck you like you want me to, tell me to stop anytime you want and I will". We were both doing fast short breaths, Todd's face was flush, and he seemed very aroused, very herky/jerky movements fumbling with the button on his shorts, then the zipper. He mumbled, "This is a special honor you're giving to me Elliot... to be your first one is something I'll never forget. Thank you, you're very, very special and don't let anyone ever tell you differently." I was turned around by the time his pants were down so I didn't see his cock, it didn't feel like it was nine inches long against my belly earlier though. It felt about six inches or so, which would be fine... I was quite apprehensive about this by now.
My shorts were caught at my knees as Todd gently reminded me a second time to bend forward some and, "hold onto the table there Elliot, for support, ya know..." His boner was so hard it didn't even feel like part of the human body. The head of it was quite wet as it dragged across my buttocks. Todd lined it up with my asshole and with little effort pushed the head right in past my sphincter muscle, and then in another two inches or so. He stopped there, and I let out a long breath. It didn't feel good, but it didn't actually hurt either, it just felt very big and it filled me up plenty. With one hand Todd massaged my small, but plump buttocks, one at a time... he then rubbed up my back and massaged my shoulders and when I was feeling real comfortable and beginning to like the fullness feel in my ass he pushed in all the way and maybe it was nine inches after all because it seemed to go in quite a long way. I gasped, then moaned, then let go of his kitchen table with one hand to massage my cock and balls which were feeling fine. My asshole felt much fuller then it had felt with the vegetables because I'd never been brave enough to push them up nearly as far as Todd pushed his rock hard, fat, boned cock up inside me... way up my ass. Todd grunted and went, "Ahhhhh, oh yes. Nice..." but he was mumbling as low as I usually do and I'm sure he was talking to himself, not me. He got a hand on each side of my shoulders and humped my hole a half dozen times and now I saw the reason boys on the videos moaned with pleasure while getting fucked... nothing has ever felt like this. It was so totally different then me doing it to myself. I was in control then, not now. Todd stopped humping me, pushed against my ass hard, and rotated his hips and I went "Oh... feels good..." and I said it louder then I normally talk too. My endorsement energized Todd and he began fucking me hard, his crotch smacking against my ass with each deep penetration and I just closed my eyes and moaned with pleasure... little whisperings of "fuck me... fuck me... fuck my ass" from time to time escaped my lips. I was in ecstasy, it almost was stressful how good my ass felt. Todd hadn't uttered another word since saying "nice", I could hear his breathing was getting louder though and I heard, with every thrust up my hole, a wet "smacking" sound, followed by me going "Ohh!" as his sweaty crotch slammed into my meaty buttocks.
My body was loose and bounced about, the wet head of my boner plopped off my belly with each of Todd's thrust up my ass, my arms were getting tired holding the table and I'd bitten my tongue, but I wanted this to go on forever... it was better then I ever imagined and then it got even better. Todd was grunting with each thrust now and mumbling to himself, "Love you Josh... Ah ah ah, I'm going to cum I'm going to cum....." then he slowed down and stopped, way up inside me. We were perfectly still for a second, I heard Todd mumble, "I'm sorry Elliot". With sweat dripped off my forehead, I wondered why he said he was sorry and then it registered that he'd just called me "Josh" a minute ago. That made it even more special for me and I barely got out, "It's fine, it's OK" I was breathless though so I don't know how much he heard... apparently he'd heard enough to continue because Todd, bending his knees a little insinuated both of them in between my legs, opened my legs wider apart and thrusting his thighs under mine lifted me off my feet about an inch... I was supported, basically, sitting on his thighs and holding onto the table. I needed to let go of my cock then to use both hands holding me up. His boner in my ass kept me from sliding off to the side. I quickly settled down on his thighs completely and his boner slipped up inside me another inch. My head felt too much for my neck to support as I went, "Ohhhhh, ohhh.. eeee". With me off the floor like that Todd humped his hips back and forward and fucked me deep with three or four inch thrust creating a lot of pressure on my prostate... then faster penetrations as Todd made hissing and wheezing sounds like he was distressed or in pain. I lasted only about five additional thrusts up my ass before my entire groin area tightened up, my balls actually moving up inside my scrotum, and then with me squealing like a school girl in heat out shot a spray of watery cum followed by a longish stream of hot creamy teen cum followed by one more spurt that wasn't as large but just as creamy. I was limp as a rag doll, moaning quietly, loving every sensation and continually contracting my groin hoping for more cum to drool out.
My body had totally taken over all functions on an involuntary basis and put everything on automatic mode with my groin and buttocks contracting over and over squeezing up every drop of cum from my nuts. By the time my nuts were dry I was seeing bright red flashes behind my eyes, my body was shuddering so much from the effort I would have fallen forward off Todd's thighs except he grabbed me to hold me in place while he did two more hard thrusts up my ass. He held the last one and fired his long blast of spunk into me, I felt the squishiness immediately and when he withdrew to pound his bone back up inside me again cum scrapped off the shaft of his cock and drooled slowly down both my buttocks toward my thighs. Then another hard thrust and hold with more cum skimmed off to follow the earlier drools. Todd made whimpering sounds that were difficult to associate with him, but there they were. I hung onto the edge of the kitchen table for all I was worth, my mind not thinking anything at all, it just took note of the truly awesome feeling from my head to my toes. My scalp tingled, my shoulders shook, a shiver ran down my back to my ass crack, by toes separated and quivered in my sandals an inch above the floor. I wasn't prepared for how hot, how erotic, how perfect the sensations were, I just knew that I was feeling them. How much of these fantastic feelings were because it was my idol Todd who was fucking me and how much was a result of finally simply being fucked by anyone, I had no clue... it was by far the moment of my life though... THE MOMENT... and I'll never forget it and perhaps will never duplicate it, but trying to duplicate it will be my new quest. Getting fucked was much, much, much better then I thought it would be, and I thought it would be spectacular. Those boys getting fucked on the videos had nothing on me... I know why they moaned with pleasure now... oh boy, do I ever.
Todd lowered me off his thighs slowly and wrapped his arms around my chest to pull me up against him. His cock still up my ass as he moved his chest against my back and nuzzled the side of his face down next to mine, moaning slightly. When each of us had climaxed we'd both made sounds I could hardly believe we were capable of making, but now we were both more or less ourselves in the 'sounds department' with me making little or none and Todd quietly talking into my ear, his lips touching the top of my ear as he said, "Thank you, Elliot. I'm sorry I said Josh's name, but you are so perfect I thought of him and you'll never know how much that meant to me. You've helped me make a very important decision. It's like you were a sign sent by Josh to wake me up, bring me to my senses. I'm gay Elliot, and now I'm going to stop thinking that maybe I'm not. You are a truly wonderful boy who briefly came into my life and set me right and I'll never ever forget this night with you, Elliot. Never, thank you..." I, of course, said nothing and at that exact moment Todd's words didn't mean nearly as much to me as they would mean to me later on, when I thought back on them. Todd slowly pulled his cock out of my ass, cum ran down the inside of both my legs making me shiver again. He turned me around and did slow kisses on my forehead, my cheeks and finally my lips. He mumbled, "You will always be a very special memory for me, Elliot." Then he rubbed my hair and said, "It's that fucking haircut that started all this, little buddy. You know that, don't you?" He was still slurring his words, but he knew what he was saying.
Todd also was trying to lighten up the situation a little and he chuckled to make sure I knew thats what he was doing. One last hug and a quick kiss on my cheek and Todd said, "Let me help clean you up" he wet a dish towel with warm water and began wiping the cum off the inside of my legs, all the way up to my asshole. I stood quietly still while he did it. When done he smiled at me, held my face between his hands, completely casual again, and asked, "Was it OK? Was it what you expected?" I looked in his eyes for a few seconds then croaked out, "Better..." then I cleared my throat and tried my voice again, more confidently this time I said, "It was better then I dreamed of, Todd. You were perfect." He hugged me to him again real hard and mumbled, "God bless you, Elliot. You've shown me the light...." then he cleaned his cock and looking over to me standing like a statue, he pulled up my jockey shorts for me, and then my cargo shorts, buttoned them, and patted my ass saying, "You're the perfect one Elliot, not me". It was like he had a tear in his eye this time which made me feel so close to him I wanted to cry myself...
Todd wrote a hasty note for his "friend" saying he'd be back shortly and then he walked me to his car. "I insist on seeing you safely home, Elliot" he said as he opened the door for me. It was only a mile to my house so the ride was short. I said nothing, Todd said again how special it was for him, what a privilege it was to be my first. He also gave me many compliments and implored me to read the material he'd given me on shyness so I might overcome it. The difference in our ages was the big stumbling block to the two of us maintaining a relationship, he claimed. It wouldn't be fair to me. We must say goodbye for good. He wished me a happy life, one he knew would be a very successful one because I was good person, a smart and caring person, and therefore good things would come my way. He hesitated while pulling up to my curb, and then said, "You're also one of the most beautiful boys I've ever seen, so that won't hurt your chances at life's ups and downs either" he was trying to lighten it up again just like he'd done earlier. We shook hands, then did an awkward hug in the car and then I stumbled out clumsily after that. Todd said, "I left a present of sorts for you at work, Elliot. You'll see tomorrow morning." Both of us had watery looking eyes as we waved briefly at one another with Todd pulling away. I watched the car disappear, then I went quickly inside with more of Todd's cum wetting between my ass cheeks. No one was around so I went into the bathroom to clean my ass some more. It hurt a little bit now but I didn't care. If Todd had said, "Let me fuck you once more before we say goodbye" I would have dropped my pants for him in a second. It was a wonderful experience and I went over ever second of it while laying on top of the covers on my bed... I went over it many times actually.
Later I casually wondered what kind of present Todd had left me, but him fucking me was the dominant thing on my mind. Laying there on my bed I squirmed my ass into the mattress feeling even more squishiness from Todd's spunk inside my hole. That thought gave me a hardon and I after a bit I jerked off slowly for almost ten minutes before squirting a few drops of cum on my hand. Once again I remembered every aspect of Todd fucking me as I stroked myself, it was so cool knowing he did that for me... it felt so good I was biting my lip to hold down the moaning. That fuck is something I'll never forget... Todd is someone I'll never forget either, but strangely, I agreed with Todd now that our ages made a relationship between us inappropriate. I was kinda proud of myself for understanding that. Another surprise to me was my hesitance to share this experience with even Jay. I really should and I think I will, but I'm going to think about it a lot tonight and tomorrow to be sure it's the right thing to do....But, WOW! It's like my life has started-up now... Todd turned the key and I'm anxious to see what's next. I feel less shy, I'm sure that's true.
THE END....
Donny Mumford thinat20@yahoo.com
EPILOGUE
Next day was my last full day at Stop and Shop before beginning my senior year in high school... Jay would be driving back from Wildwood this morning so I'd see him this afternoon. Of course I'm going to be sharing my Todd episode with Jay... this morning I realized I can't wait to tell him every detail about that. Me and Jay share everything together... no secrets between best friends like us. What a nice day to walk to work... during the walk it occurred to me that I was excited about life... really excited about my future and I did feel more confident this morning... hey, I've been fucked by a hot twenty-five year old who says I changed his life. Me, I did that and I instigated the whole thing too. Me, a shy boy who finally went after something I wanted, something I wanted really badly too. That made me feel some pride, but I wasn't sure how I felt about finishing my summer job and starting my senior year in high school this quickly. So many great things had happened to me while I was working that job. Of course, without having Todd at Stop & Shop it sure took the luster off the job. I wasn't apprehensive about starting my senior year in a new school like I'd been in the past either because I'm not as shy now and I have a close friend. Past high school experiences were not particularly good ones for me what with me being bullied and this shyness problem and all that, but this year I have Jay on my side... a super friend! And my new Stop and Shop friend, Alex, is a senior too and he's my friend now too. It's a brand new day for me in that regard... having friends I mean Also, today I meet my trainee who I'll be working with for the next two weeks, maybe I can make a friend of him as well... and, please let it be a him, not a her!
Speaking of my new friend Alex, he came right up to me as I came through the automatic door and excitedly asked, "Did you get your homeroom assignment letter, I got mine Saturday." I told him I'd gotten one also and that I was in homeroom 222 ... Alex did a funny little dance that made me laugh out loud as he shouted, "Me too, Elliot. We'll be in the same homeroom" and we high-fived each other. Then Alex made a self deprecating joke that kind of endeared him to me even more. He said, "You can be my body guard, Elliot... OK?" We shook hands quick and did the one arm hug just like we were buddies, actually I guess we are. We changed into our Stop & Shop shirts and went to pick up our assignment sheets for the trainees. There were twelve trainees sitting in the small conference room when Alex and me walked in and I saw the one who would be mine immediately, there wasn't a doubt in my mind. I just knew Todd had assigned this boy to me... ah ha! So this was the "present" Todd mentioned that he'd left for me. Todd's last official act, interviewing and then matching the trainee with a summer full-time kid like me. We picked up the assignment sheet but I didn't look at it cause I didn't care what his name is, I cared about his looks. There were nine boys and three girls. Forget the three girls... of the nine boys, two might qualify as sort of cute, four were much too old looking to be seniors even though they were seniors, and two were average looking kids.... and then there was my trainee... outstanding!
He was about Jay's height, maybe five foot, ten-inches. At least as slender as me and another thing... now I no longer have the most beautiful hair at Stop & Shop...hahaha, my trainee does. His hair is this amazing light blond with darker blond mixed in to highlight the lighter color. Striking actually, but cut in a bizarre kind of old fashion flattop like you see in old TV shows. It had grown in quite a bit and on the sides it was touching the tops of his cute ears, but on top of his head it was standing straight up and it was flat! oh my God, it was like a landing strip. On this kid though, it looked cool. I swear, anything would look cool on him... very light skin without much tan and very bright two-tone brown eyes. He was staring at nothing in particular, a very pleasant look on his face at the moment, maybe with the slightest smile, and what a cute face too. Damn! I can't believe that Todd! He's so cool to have assigned this boy to me, it's so awesome of him... and, hey! wait a minute. I hadn't told Todd I was gay until last night so how did he know this boy would be a "present" in my eyes? Would this cute kid be a present to a straight boy? I don't think it works that way, so Todd must have known about me being gay... jeez, I wonder who else can tell? Maybe there is something to that gaydar of Jay's after all.
Our new boss, Bill, made his little introductory speech to the new kids and then gave all of us full-time kids our assignments for the morning, mine was the parking lot, naturally. Before beginning our morning assignments we were instructed to check the list Todd had left for all of us, check the name tag on the new kids, and introduce ourselves. Then, after the introductions were over, start training them with our morning assignments! "Let's get moving people" was Bill's last comment. Without checking my sheet I went right up to this cute boy I'd been staring at, I wasn't even feeling particularly shy at all because I knew Todd wouldn't assign a dominant asshole type to be my trainee... holding out my hand to the cutest boy in the room, I quietly said, "Great to meet you, I'm Elliot Ellis, your instructor for the next two weeks." His face lit up and the expression on his cute face was like a neon sign blinking out it's message of, "I'm nice, I just want to be liked. let's be friends" stuff like that. I had to smiled back into his beautiful smile thinking, he and I are going to be great friends, I know Jay will love him too. This kid has the nicest voice too as he said, "I'm glad you're my trainer Elliot, Hi, I'm Dylan Newman.... You remind me so much of my best friend, Chubby Romero..."
the end!!!