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A Stepbrother's Desire - Josh and Tyson 32
The first day of a snow is always the best. The days after that are messy and wet. The snow melted and everything turned normal. School was demanding for Ty and me. There was a lot of homework which mostly occupied our evenings. It was Thursday and I was so glad it was almost Friday. Ginny slipped up beside me as I wandered toward homeroom and asked what I was doing this weekend. She and Lisa had such a good time the last time we went out I figured she was hoping for another night out.
"Well, tonight is the talent show that Ty has been getting ready for, playing left hand for his friend Ricky, you know, Jordan's cousin," I told her.
"Oh yeah! That sounds exciting. You going?"
"Yeah, mom and I both are going. I mean we want to support Ty and Ricky but, I don't know, there's an energy out there in that town, mom and I want to be sure Ty is protected. Just in case, you know?" I said.
"It'll be ok, I'm sure. He'll be glad you're there, though. He's always glad you're glad," she said with a smile and she headed off to her own homeroom. Literature was good. Student teacher Burch returned an essay with an "A" splashed across the top. "Nice attention to detail. Thoughtful!" was written in the comments. He must think I'm so hard headed after that exchange last semester. I'm not really. I only require a little massaging!
I met Ty after school in the parking lot. We were riding together to school most days now just because we didn't have after school commitments. He drove us home.
"You ready for the big event?" I asked, rubbing his crotch as he drove.
"You keep rubbing me like that and the big event is going to take place in that parking lot we just passed!" he snapped, cracking up laughing.
"The perks of being a passenger!" I replied.
"You're getting me turned on!" he said.
"You need to turn the signal light on if you're going to make this left!" I chided.
"Oh!" and we both laughed.
"Yeah, I'm a little nervous because even though this isn't MY concert, it is for Ricky and I want him to look and sound perfect."
"He will. You both will," I said, leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek. He pulled onto the curb in front of our house and we grabbed our backpacks and headed in through the front door. I dropped my bad on my bed and walked through the bathroom to his room to find him standing by his bed, pulling his pants off.
"You changing already?" I asked.
"No silly! You are about to take care of this outrageous boner you caused me to get in the car," and looking down, his cock had formed its super hot curve and was standing at attention.
"Let me help you with that," I said and I glided across the room toward him. "Wouldn't want something like this to distract you this evening, baby. I mean, a hardon could throw the whole thing!" I said, being sarcastic.
"Exactly! That's why I need you to suck it," he said, getting quieter and more intense. I dropped to my knees and pulled it downward only for it to smack back up. Oh he was hard alright. I took him into my mouth and he hissed. I slobbered it with my tongue. I felt this tip of his curve press against my throat and I almost gagged. I pulled back and took him back in again. His hips rocked forward. We built our rhythm. He tried to quicken the pace but I slowed him. I tasted the slippery precum which I let stand on my tongue. I stood and kissed him, the precum creating a lube for our tongues.
"Fuck that's hot Josh!" he squeaked in a high pitched voice.
I went back down and I believe he had actually gotten harder. I could hardly pull his cock back down. I had to aim my head downward to get him in and once we found our rhythm again, he got close. I could feel his cock swell.
"Oh God, Josh. I'm cumming. I'm gonna shoot!" he barked and the cum flooded my mouth. It's hot saltiness blasting my taste buds. Fuck, this was hot! I would've liked to have pulled my own cock out but it was really too late. His body was trembling as his cum subsided.
"Dang, Josh. That was amazing. I was so ready for that," he said, pulling me back up to my feet. "Thanks for doing that, babe," and he kissed me. "Want me to return the favor?" he asked.
"Nah, I'm gonna save it for later. You may need some stress relief after the concert," I said.
"Ok, see you downstairs. I'm going to sort out my clothes for this evening," and I left and went downstairs to see what was to snack on. I wasn't going to change, was just wearing what I had on.
Mom came home at 5:30. She rushed upstairs to freshen up. She had advised Bill that we would be out for the night so he was having dinner at the club with his buddies. Thursdays were good for him because he enjoyed a little poker night with the guys at the club. He had suggested coming to the high school talent show for Ty but mom gave him a pass. It wouldn't have been his favorite thing to do.
On the drive out, Ty was in the back seat and explained how the program was going to go. There were twelve acts which the school was really proud of. They had been screened by the faculty. There would be second and third place recognition but only the 1st prize winner would get a $100 gift card. Ty said some of the contestants seemed really competitive.
"How is Ricky taking it?" asked mom.
"I think he's good. He says he will only go back to school if he wins but I told him that was dumb. He needed to go back to school anyway! He said he was going to but playing in the talent show kept him motivated."
"That's reasonable," said mom.
We eased into the school parking lot and there were a lot of people hanging around. Ty and I shared a quick laugh because other than a few white kids hanging around, we really stood out. Everyone appeared friendly, though. They were just all waiting for the talent show but it was cold out. You would think they would have gone on inside as we did. Ty took off to the back.
"Break a neck!" I said, trying to be funny.
"Gonna break yours after the show!" he barked back. Mom and I entered the auditorium and took seats on the far right side. Mom said to save the middle seats for the locals and especially the parents. Ricky's mom stopped by our row and shook mom's hand.
"Thank you Karen for coming. I just can't tell you what your Tyson has done for Ricky," she said very sincerely.
"I'm happy to be here and thank you. But if you ask Ty, he says not to give him all the credit. Ricky has done all the work," mom replied.
"And he has worked so hard. I'm so proud of him. How are you Josh?"
"I'm good thank you ma'am," I said, rising from my seat.
"You sit back down young man. So polished," she said. "Ricky is thrilled that you were coming. He just thinks you hung the moon, you know," she said.
"Doesn't everybody!" snapped mom causing Mrs. Rose to crack up.
"Ok ok!" I said. "That's enough," I replied with a smirk.
Mrs. Rose excused herself and took her seat with her family in the center. A few minutes later, Jordan Rose and some of his friends, his entourage, entered on the left side and sat with the family. I'm pretty sure I recognized Zavier and Devon, whom Ty had made reference to from Saturday night, as they came in, strutting like they were big deals. They sat behind Jordan which was appropriate. They knew they would always be following his lead.
The curtains flew open and the show began. The announcer, who was the chorus teacher, welcomed everyone, told us to turn our phones off and indicated that any phones going off during the show would be removed. And he introduced the first act.
Ricky and Ty were the fourth act. He introduced Ricardo "Ricky" Rose as a "remote" student who, no thanks to a tragic accident, was schooling at home and was hoping to come back soon. He was going to be playing Mozart and Gershwin using a "right hand study" with Tyson Breck providing the left hard support. Ricky came out and took a bow. He motioned toward Ty who also took a bow and their performance was on.
Ty sat to Ricky's left and Ricky's left hand dropped between them and behind, to not get in the way. The Mozart piece was very classical and while that's not my style, I could appreciate how hard it was. There were so many notes and Ricky was deep in concentration. At one point his head was bowed very low as if he were watching every note played. Ty focused on his part diligently and at one point had to almost turn sideways because his hand crossed over into Ricky's space as all the notes were high. They were "orchestrated," almost dancing together. They knew these parts so there were no surprises. The piece grew to a finale with loud notes and big chords and they ended on the last chord with absolute precision. I, as an athlete, could totally appreciate the effort that went into that kind of teamwork.
Everyone applauded lightly as they were getting ready for the second piece. I don't know this jazz style of music but "Summertime" had a bit of soul to it. It was slow and attractive. There were little riffs that Ricky seemed to feel. It got loud and dramatic at one point, then got softer and more romantic to the end. You could tell by the look on Ricky's face that it involved some emotion and when they finished the last chord, he dropped his hand from the keys and just looked down. Everyone was quiet and still. Ty put his arm around Ricky and whispered something to him, causing Ricky to look up at him. Ricky stood very proudly and waited just that minute for everyone to rise up in applause. It was a flawless performance. It was a flawless moment. I saw mom quickly wipe a tear from her eye.
"That's as good as it gets," she said and she stood to applaud, grabbing my elbow and lifting me with her. I applauded loudly and gave a loud whistle. Ty knew exactly where I was at that moment. They both bowed in sync with each other. You could see Mrs. Rose wiping her nose with a tissue. I knew she was probably spent after that. She would have been living every moment of that with her son. I know because that's how my mom was with me at every game. They exited to the right of the stage and the next contestant came up.
"Everyone else might as well go home," I whispered to mom.
"Josh! But you're not wrong," mom said with a giggle.
I have to say, all in all, it was a pretty good show. There were a couple of singers who were incredible. One girl, who was super gorgeous, did a dance that was amazing. It looked like ballet but it was to a current song "Girl on Fire." Another guy sang and he did well too. Ok, I know juggling is really hard but it's not my thing and there was a magic show where the number of the cards selected by the faculty aligned to their birthdays. That was clever.
At the end of the show, the chorus teacher invited the principal to come forward and announce the winners. The principal, who was a stern looking man, similar to Principal Dillard, gave a short speech about talent and discipline and how the two work together just like we all should in order to secure the best results in all things. He said he was proud of the talent demonstrated on the stage and hoped that each of the contestants would continue using their skills to better themselves and the community.
The second and third place winners were called and everyone applauded again. The magic act won third and the guy who sang got second. The principal then announced that they had special circumstances. As the degree of talent had far exceeded their expectations, they were going to offer two first place winners as a tie, both receiving a $100 gift card. The first was the girl who danced. I know several guys from the team who would love this gal. She was so gorgeous it almost made me consider "straight" sex! Would sex with a girl be cheating on Ty? I don't know the answer to that but it would be fun. She was stunning. The second 1st place winner was Ricardo "Ricky" Rose, who had "overcome enormous challenges" to push his talent forward, according to the principal.
They came out and the girl accepted her ribbon and envelope. She said she had an amazing time and that she was happy to share the moment with Ricky because he was "fabulous" and maybe one day, he would play something she would dance to. Everyone blew up. Cheers and roars filled the auditorium. Ricky took his ribbon and envelope and stood like a deer in the headlights. Ty poked his arm and Ricky found himself.
"I want to thank a couple of people because without them, I wouldn't be up here today. Mom, it takes someone really great to put up with me and what I've been through so thank you. My cousin Jordan, who y'all think is just some basketball jock, is my best friend and support and I know I can do anything when he's behind me. And Tyson Breck, from Brumfield High School, who convinced me to get my butt in gear and get up here!" Everyone laughed and applauded and cheered.
Ricky looked at the principal and asked, "Can I say something else?" The principal laughed and nodded to go ahead.
"I'm not going to be a one arm piano player forever. Since I got a new doctor, I can do this now!" and he slowly raised his arm straight out in front of him. Everyone gasped and they started to applaud but he continued.
"And because of who I am now, I'm coming back to school. I'm not afraid anymore and I want to see my friends again!" and there was another round of cheering and clapping and over the commotion he yelled, "And to my cousins Zavier Rose and Devon Rose, who you all know pushed me down that hill and left me out in the cold to be found in the dark, well I'm not afraid of you anymore! You coming to my hospital room to give me a limp ass apology and tell me you would break my other arm if I ever told on you, well that's over!" The crowd gasped and screamed. "Everyone knows who I am now and everyone's gonna know you in Juvy because that's where you're going and you know it!" Oh my god, he was on a roll. He was spewing over all the cries and reactions. The principal looked alarmed.
There were several things I noticed at once. My mother uttered, "Oh heavens. What has he done?" and I watched Jordan Rose's figure in the dark rise up out of his seat like a creature from middle earth. He turned back and without hesitation, laid a slap on the first victim, I couldn't tell who, that was so loud and painful the boy's cry could be heard over all the ruckus. I knew it was painful. It hurt me and I wasn't even slapped. The second boy tried to get away, tried to climb over the seat but Jordan grabbed him by his shirt and laid another slap on him that was all muscle and flesh on flesh. "Fuck" I thought. I knew they were crying because that kind of pain could not be ignored.
Mom's eyes were big as golf balls. "Josh!" she yelled. "I"m going upstage to get Ty. You get over there and see if you can get Jordan out of here before he hurts someone!" and she pushed her way out into the aisle and headed toward the stage. I tried to get over to Jordan but there were too many people and everyone was yelling and pointing at the Rose boys. Jordan was yelling and had his fist raised. I ran up the aisle and out into the lobby, to the other side and back down to Jordan's row.
"Jordan!" I yelled. "Jordan Rose, look at me!" I screamed.
"Fuck off Warner! This is my fight today!" Every phone camera in the auditorium was filming.
"Jordan get the hell out of there!" I yelled.
"You're under my fucking skin, Warner! Go away!" and he had Zavier lifted by his shirt, who looked terrified.
I yelled at his "peeps" on the other side of him, "Push him out! Push! Get him out of there!" The older people at the end of the row, got up and pushed out into the aisle as Jordan's friends heaved him out into the aisle. I grabbed him by his sleeve and pulled hard to drag him to the lobby. I motioned for the other guys to stay behind.
Jordan jerked his arm out of my grip.
"The fuck Warner. Those fuckers got it coming. You know they do!" he barked at me, spit pelting my face.
"Jordan, calm down. Every camera was on you man and all that shit is going to be shown on KWRU tonight! Now calm down!"
"I knew it was them, Warner. I knew it all along. I just needed confirmation and now their time is up! It's up Warner! No use putting it off," he snapped.
"Jordan, listen. I have been in your place!"
"You have not!" he replied.
"Yes I was. How do you think I felt that day I watched those assholes drop Ty on his face in the dirt? Do you think I don't know your anger?" and he quietened. "My passion for Ty was bad enough," I slipped, "and yeah I could have walked him off that field but I was enraged, I pummeled the guy, Jordan. Pummeled him! And look what that cost me." I said, calming down.
"Your passion for Ty? Is that what you said?"
"Yeah, I guess I did...Jordan."
"Warner, did you just fucking tell me you and Ty? Like YOU and TY?"
"Yes I did. I fell hard for him as soon as I moved in and we confessed our feelings after the car attack. It's been me and him ever since. It's a closely kept secret but yeah, Jordan. I know your anger and your rage. The legal system has to deal with those assholes. Anything you do will bite you in the ass and crush your future. You've got to listen to me. You're going all the way man and this shit, well it will drag you down."
"Maybe I'm supposed to go down because I can't let what they did stand, Josh. I can't do it," he said, anger turning to sadness.
"Jordan, all you need to do is look at what you've already done. You got revenge on those fuckers without them even knowing it. You gave your love and support to the victim, not the attackers. You sent Ty out here to help build a new image for Ricky. He ran with it and now look how strong he is. He did all this and in the end, all he'll care about is that he made you proud. That's it. Ricky didn't just win a fucking talent show. He showed he's a true champion tonight. The best of the best. Do you see any victims hanging around? Should we feel sorry for Ricky tonight?" I asked. Tears were dropping from Jordan's eyes.
"You spin it good, Warner. I'm finding it hard to argue with you."
"Jordan, Bill Breck once told me that sympathy lies between "shit" and "syphillis" in the dictionary." and he half laughed and cried.
"Damn man. You're right. That Ricky "demonstrated" tonight. He left us all in the dirt. I'm so proud I don't what to say."
"Jordan, you leave those fuckers alone and let the police take care of them. They will only bring you down. You celebrate the victory here tonight because I'm going to say this and I don't want you to take it the wrong way."
"In other words, you don't want me to get mad," and I laughed as it had been said so many times to me.
"Ricky was one person before all this. Maybe he was a little shy, weak even. Perhaps didn't have a strong path in front of him. But now, Jordan, look at him. He has a clear path and a strength he didn't know before. Do you doubt what he can accomplish now. He certainly won't know that doubt! Y'all are going to have to work like farmhands to keep up with him. Maybe bad things happen to make opportunities for better things."
"That's a good thought, Warner. I'm gonna have to ponder that. Ricky will be stronger. He's gonna be first class. Would you and Ty have gotten together if you had kept your winning season?"
"That's a question I cannot answer but is he worth it? To my last day he is."
"Josh, I didn't peg your sexuality but now that I think on it, probably most quarterbacks like some dick and ass!" and he roared with laughter.
"Perhaps one day we can compare notes, Jordan, as I think we all have some secret likes and dislikes," and I gave him a very sarcastic grin. He knew I knew something and I loved that.
"Hey Josh, I might give you some shit but if you're as "stand up" as I think you are, you are the right guy for Little Man. I'm going to rest easy that he's in your arms. He had some dark times that worried me back in the day. You're it, and you better not fuck it up," he said, meaningfully, I might add.
The detectives came forward as their cars pulled into the school lot. I guess the principal called 911 or something.
"Are you Jordan Rose?" one of the detectives asked.
"Yes ma'am I am," he said to her.
"Can you come with us?"and she led him away, other officers entering the auditorium to take Zavier and Devon away.
I skirted down the hall and backstage not knowing where anyone was. I found Ricky sitting on the piano bench by himself.
"What are you doing here alone?" I asked.
"Hey Josh!" he screamed. He ran to me and threw an arm around my waist. "The principal told me to stay back here and not move until they came for me. Ty is with your mom. She said I could come too but I stayed like I was told."
"Good thinking. There's a lot going on out there," I said. He squeezed the life out of me with his one strong arm.
"I bet they're all mad at me now," he said, his face pressed into my chest.
"Actually, not. I just left Jordan and he's with the detectives. He is so proud of you, Ricky. We all are. You were strong tonight, man. You took `em all down with one swing, man. That was incredible. It was risky, Ricky. It really was but you did what you had to do and they can't take it away."
"Josh, don't tell anyone I said this but this was truly the greatest night of my life. I loved every second of it."
"It's ok to feel that way. This was a "special occasion" but from now on, you have to think about those risks before you take them. People like me and Jordan aren't going to be around every minute. You get me?"
"Yeah, I know. It was a one time thing, believe me. I like being here with you too," he said softly, and this hug was going on a little long. Ok, you all know that I'm a sucker for a cute guy and Ricky is adorable. But no, there was a lot of emotion on this stage and I wasn't going to drop him on his ass in disappointment.
"Ricky, you are absolutely wonderful and yes, you're super cute and now that you're putting yourself out there, you're going to find some amazing people and your friends, your real friends, and your real family and going to help you through it. Just wait! You're gonna find a guy that's right for you and everybody else might as well get out of the way," I said and I saw Jordan enter the stage from the other side. I started pushing Ricky backwards and he looked up at me wondering what I was doing. Until, he crashed into Jordan who's arms wrapped around him in a crush.
"Jordan!" he squealed.
"Love me some Ricky Rose tonight!" shouted Jordan and I took that as my queue to get away and find mom and Ty!
I ran back out and found mom and Ty in the auditorium with Mrs. Rose. I told her I had just seen Ricky and Jordan was with him now. She said she needed to see him after what had happened. The detectives excused her and she made her way backstage. Mom suggested we go and I agreed. The detectives didn't need us. We had no "skin in this game."
The conversation on the way home was basically a reiteration of everything we had seen that evening. Ty had a different view from the stage and said it looked like "all hell broke loose in there". That cracked me up. I asked him if he heard the slaps. He said he did and that it sounded like gunshots.
"It certainly did," said mom.
I made a comment that I felt that Jordan Rose was more honorable than I had thought. Love him or hate him, he acted with a certain code, one that perhaps was unique to just him. He knew the difference between right and wrong and the fact he loved his family so much, well you can't judge that. That's for real.
We were just about exhausted when we got home. Ty and mom went over the events with Bill who looked dismayed.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there, honey," he said to mom. "It must have been a lot for you to endure."
"It was ok, Bill. We weren't in danger. It was just a crazy scene."
"Well I'm glad you were there nonetheless. I wouldn't want the boys in such a volatile place," he said.
"Hey, I was there. I had it under control!" I said.
"That would be funny except you were exceptional, Josh. Getting control of Jordan is no easy task on a good day but to do it under those circumstances, you must have been amazing!" he said. Bill looked at us both with a certain pride.
"You two are really something, you know that? Terrifying, but something, actually," he said and mom chuckled.
So, wow, school on Friday was out of hand. Videos of Jordan's tirade against his cousins were everywhere. Fortunately, they all saw him raging at them. The physical attacks happened before anyone could put a camera on him. There I was in most of the videos yelling at him and pulling him away. I got kudos from everyone between classes. I enjoyed the attention for a while but it got old and I told Ty that.
"You don't need any ego boosting, that's for sure!" he said. "Technically it was MY night and it appears to be more yours!" and he laughed and headed for his class on the 2nd floor.
"Josh man!" shouted Bryce from down the hall. "You are always where the action is, aren't you?" he said with a laugh. "You looked good on video guy. Very "in control," he said sarcastically.
"Bryce, dude, if Jordan ever slapped me like he did those morons, I would have run home to mommy and cried in her arms. It was worse than getting shot!" His lips turned downward then pursed.
"I can only imagine! Would rather have my arm eaten off by a shark. At least that way you are sure to die," he said and I screamed with laughter. "Text me tonight man. Let's see what trouble we can get into," he said as he headed into the classroom.
Friday night Ty and I headed in separate directions. He and Caleb and some girl were going to the movies. Ty was trying to get him hooked up. Tristan was going out with Jack. I headed over to Bryce's for pizza then over to Roman's house. He was a new guy this semester and he was trying to make inroads with Bryce. The time with him was ok. He figured himself to be quarterback material for the team next year. He and I talked a lot about it. He thought it was really cool that Bryce brought me. I watched some of his plays on youtube and he had a great arm. He could be a respectable replacement next year.
Saturday, Tristan, Jack, Ty and I went to a movie. No one paid us any mind except for the few who were still reveling at the JR video from Thursday night. Ty and I had fun telling Jack and Tristan about the evening.
Sunday afternoon is when things got a little squirrely for me. Ty went with Bill to run errands and then were going to the club for the upcoming tennis season planning session. I was on the couch watching a football game when mom asked if I wanted to join her in the study. I said sure so I went with her. This is a very unusual situation so my guard was on high alert. I sat on the short leather sofa and mom sat down beside me.
"Josh, I have put this off long enough and I think now is the time to address this. I wanted Ty to get past his concert with Ricky to talk to you but then I decided I would do this with you first. This is a deeper thing, between you and me, between mother and son."
"What is it mom?" I asked. I hoped she wasn't sick or anything. Ty wouldn't survive another parental cancer thing and I'm not sure I would either. Oh my God.
"And Josh, before we start, let me say that I want the truth from you. I don't want any of your "slippery when wet" responses. We both know how clever you are and this is not the time...for that. Understood?" I nodded. What else could I do?
"So Josh, last week when I was putting some clean laundry in Ty's room, I came across a picture. It was an unusual photograph in that it was of you and Ty as babies. Since that didn't exist, I wanted to get an understanding of the photograph. Where did it come from?"
Oh the lies I could have told if I had been prepared. Oh that damn picture!
"I had it made."
"What prompted you to do something like that? You're not usually so "creative," are you?" she asked.
"Ginny made the comment one night that Ty and I get along so well, it was as if there had always been a "Josh and Ty" and it made me think that he might really appreciate something, well, commemorative." I said.
"Commemorative huh? That sounds funny and that's why you wanted the photo albums from the storage unit."
"Yes ma'am."
"And when did you give Ty the picture?" mom asked.
"I gave it to him for Christmas. And you know mom, the only way you found that picture was to go snooping!" I barked and yes, I was feeling defensive and no, I shouldn't have said that.
"All I had to do was scoot some things over on his desk where I sat the jeans and there it was. I don't appreciate being accused of snooping, Joshua!" she barked. "Now, you gave him the picture but you didn't do it in front of Bill or I so we could appreciate it as well. Correct?"
Oh my God, she is working this thing backwards. I know the tactic and if this is what she like as a paralegal manager, I think I know why she is so successful! My stress level was off the charts. Poker face wasn't working for me and I knew my face was getting red.
"I didn't want to have to explain it to everybody. It was a private thing between Ty and me!" and Jesus, why did I say that!
"So there is some symbolism here I'm not understanding, Josh. To go to the effort to take two childhood pictures and photoshop them into one, well there is some implied symbolism. What is it Josh?" My foot started tapping the floor and I picked at a fingernail.
"I don't know mom! I don't know about any "symbolism" I barked.
"Josh, perhaps my interview style is a bit much for you. It can be for "ordinary" people," and yes, that was a slap. My foot continued to tap the floor. She knew she had me and I was struggling.
"Let me bring this down to the motherly level, Josh. I'm putting a series of off-handed memories together, instances that on their own, seem very innocent. But, in a larger context, are more revealing. There is something going on between you and Ty and I think you need to "fess up," Josh," and she left it hanging in the air. I was quiet for a long period and I wasn't sure how long. She was quiet too, not budging.
"Ty and I are together, mom. That's the story. You've figured it out already so I don't need to go into details," I said and holy fuck, I should't have said that either!!!
"Josh, that is so rude of you. I'm your mother and this is an important aspect of your life. Telling me it's none of my damn business, well, I'm really disappointed," and shit that was the end of it for me. A little tear dropped from my eye and scurried down my face to my top lip. I figured at this point it was "go big or go home!"
"I couldn't help it, mom. It was more than I could do to keep him at bay. I fell for him hard and I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want to tell anyone."
"How long have you known you liked boys, Josh? It's ok now. We can work with the truth," she said gently.
"I've known since I was twelve. Once I figured it out, I was terrified it would screw up my football career so I kept it to myself. If nothing had changed, I would have played out my days and went off to college and lived my life and we could've had an adult conversation about it then," I said, looking at the hangnail I had created for myself.
"I understand that, Josh. I'm feeling your honesty right now. Keep it coming, please," she said, putting her hand on my knee to stop it from jerking.
"When we moved here, I was just determined to make sure you had a better life. Ty made it clear to me that his dad was so fucking happy," and she popped her eyebrows at me, "that he was fully behind your marriage and suggested I get on board as well. And I did, mom. I really did." She sighed thoughtfully.
"I appreciate that more than you know, son. When did you two realize you had feelings for each other?" she asked.
"After the accident. My accident. Football was over and the game was up and the walls came crashing down. I couldn't stop them if I tried. He was there, always there, in my face, in my room, everywhere. We just blew up together mom. I'm sorry we didn't do things differently but we couldn't. We couldn't have," I said. I looked at her for just an instant and she was giving me a warm look. It was as terrifying as her angry look to me.
"You understand Josh that you have put me in a complex situation. Most parents learn their son is gay and then get to process on to dating and boyfriends. I'm swallowing both sides of the coin and it has a choking effect. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes ma'am and I get it. "I've heard that before. It's ok though mom. Ty and I are great. We don't fight or cause trouble for you all. Our grades are great. We have a great time together. We have friends who love us and it's all good. Can't we leave it at that?" and I felt like I had stepped in it again.
"No sir, we can't leave it at that. Who else knows?"
"Bryce."
"How did he find out?"
"He caught us in the butler's pantry at the club," and what the fuck? Why didn't I just write her a book!
"Uh huh, that may be a story for another day. Tristan and his new friend Jack know, of course. I presume you got them together?"
"Yes ma'am."
"And who else?"
"Jason, Lisa, Ginny,"
"Ginny! Ginny knows about this? Josh, are you seriously taking advantage of her? Because..."
"No mom, I was completely honest with Ginny because she is awesome like that. She said she didn't want to be tied down her senior year and she wanted to support Ty and me so she said she would be my wingman, so to speak. A "player on the stage," is how she put it and she loves it, she loves the attention and being included. She is the best, mom."
"That sounds like her. That girl!"
"Jordan found out last night, oh, and Gigi knows. She figured it out quickly."
"Bill said you can't get anything past her. That's why she wanted the day with you two, isn't it?"
"Yes ma'am. She said that only two boys can appreciate real love because for them it doesn't come easy and it doesn't come cheap. I will never forget she said that," I said. Mom nodded and looked thoughtfully out the back window for a moment.
"Josh I am astounded you have managed this for so long. I don't know how you have survived paddling like hell under the surface. Son, I think you need to come back to the surface. Do you even know how to do that? How exhaustive has this been?"
"Very and it's the only life I know now. Manage and survive. Mom, we just didn't want to get you and me in trouble with Bill. I didn't want to wreck it for you two and we didn't want the school blowing up over it. I know it's a crazy thing," and I sucked in all the oxygen I could muster and blew out, "but I love him and I'm not letting him go. I don't care if you or Bill think we are disgusting perverts or anything. Ty is everything and I'm not cutting him loose. You can do your worst!" and there it was. All my cards were strewn on the floor. I sat back on the couch and rested for a minute. I felt like I had run the football bleachers twice.
"Josh, I don't think you are disgusting perverts so let's drop that thought. I think that there are implications but I don't think they involve breaking me and Bill up so lets squash that too, ok? I don't know if I have any answers or what exactly the questions are but it's out now. We can work with it," she said. She was not terrifying, but comforting.
"To be honest, Josh, I don't know what Bill will say but he will say nothing to which I am not already aligned to. You are my son first and nothing goes by me without my input. You will notice that I am not a quiet, obedient wife around here. I carry my weight. But in his defense, Bill is an intelligent and thoughtful man. He has never made one irrationale suggestion about you or Ty and he has dealt with the lifestyle issue before. It will be a surprise to him as I don't think he has any clue."
"Are you going to tell him?" I asked.
"One of us is. Who do you think should tell him? Ty? It's his dad. You and Ty together?"
"No mom. Ty has already stood up to him once over being gay. I should be the one to do it. It should be me," I said and I shouldn't have said that either, probably. The nails for the coffin were sitting there on the floor right by all my cards. I agreed that my mom has never been the "dutiful wife" but I wasn't sure if she and Bill could honestly "align on this." It probably wouldn't matter. I think she had my back. I tested the water, feeling my intellect seeping back into my head.
"I told you once that there might come a day when you didn't feel like your pretty baby was so pretty anymore, didn't I? And I was right. Not so pretty anymore, am I?" I asked.
"Josh, oh you are still my pretty baby. You don't need to worry about that. My pretty baby is facing some tough issues and he's going to be one fine man when he gets through it, I promise you. I promise," and she wrapped her arms around me so tight and I heard her sniffle. I told you when your mom cries on your shoulder, it's a big fucking deal. Remember me saying that? Well here we are again.
"I love you Josh," she whispered in my ear. She let me go and suggested this stay between us for the time being. She gave me two weeks to find the right occasion to talk to Bill and to do my best to keep it out of Ty's hair. It would fret him to no end. I was ok with that.
The one thing I kept to myself, and was so glad to do, was that Dad knew and I didn't want her to hear that and feel competitive. Thank you God for at least letting me keep my mouth shut about that. I would talk to him about this and make sure he knows.
"Hey mom, if ever you feel the need to "interrogate" me again, would you give me a heads up so I can hire a lawyer?" I said, laughing a bit.
"Oh Josh, I went so easy on you. Did you feel challenged?" I left that to hang out there like a "rhetorical question" like Mr. Burch was always referencing.
Well damn. The ball is in the air. Who's going to catch it? Who's gonna run with it? We'll have to see.