"It's just something I gotta' do Mom. Maybe not so much for him as for me. He was my Dad and even though he's gone now, maybe I can learn some stuff from his life. And maybe, that might help me to figure out my own. Do you understand that at all?"
"Not really, no Adam. You're a grown man yourself now and about to make a new and exciting start in life. I don't know what you think you could possibly learn from how he lived his."
"Maybe how not to live mine Mom. That might be all I discover. Besides, I think it's kinda' my duty as his son to make sure his affairs are all settled. It's a matter of respect and him being family and my Dad after all. Dontcha' think he woulda' done that for me if the situation was the other way around?"
"I don't know Adam. But if that's how you feel, then I'll get your plane ticket for you here in Brockville and have it sent up so you can pick it up from a Travel Agency there. When do you want to go darling?"
"I'm thinking in the next couple of days. I called that Miss McCarthy woman and she told me I could stay in Dad's place until everything gets settled. It'd just be me there. That man Dad was with... well, he has his own house and only ever came over to stay when Dad wanted him to."
"I don't want to hear about any of that Adam. If you have to go, then go. Wrap everything up quickly though and then get back here to us before Easter and ready to start your new job. Promise me that please."
"I will Mom. I promise. And thanks! I love you, you know."
"I love you too darling."
Tuesday, March 7th, 1978 and Adam has a suitcase and his knapsack packed. He's waiting for Ronnie to pick him up to take him out to Uplands Airport to catch his Canadian Pacific Airlines flight direct to Edmonton for early that evening.
"Are ya' sure you don't wanna' come out to the airport with Ronnie and me to say g'bye there Aaron?"
"I'm kind of like Mom that way Adam. I'm not good with good byes."
You're getting more and more like your Mom every day Aaron... "
"That's a terrible thing to say!"
Adam laughs, pulls me close to him, wraps his arms around me and says, "You know baby... the next couple of weeks are gonna' be hell without you. I left a couple of my shirts in the laundry basket in the bathroom. You can wear them and pretend I'm here with ya' while I'm gone. Does that work for ya' cookie boy?"
`"Call me when you get there and let me know you're OK. "
"I will baby."
"And remember... I'll be down in Brock Vegas with Mom and Dad over Winter Break."
"I will baby."
And remember... I'll be seeing Calla and Charlie, and Robert and Scott when I'm there."
"I will baby."
"And remember... call me the second you know you're coming home."
"I will baby."
And remember... I love you."
Just then Ronnie honks his horn outside and Adam chuckles and says, "I will baby... oh Jeez'... meant to say I love you too!"
The big Canadian Pacific Airlines Douglas DC-8 jet with distinctive red and orange markings along the aluminium fuselage and the big `C' logo on the tail fin is out on the tarmac. Luggage is being loaded into the cargo hold of the plane, as its turbines slowly rotate with a high-pitched whine inside the massive jet engines on each wing.
Hmm, Aaron would laugh if he knew our colours were on the plane. Fuck! I wish he woulda' come with me to say good bye here. I love that fuckin'crazy, perverted little twink'.
He hands his boarding pass to the flight attendant and heads through the doors and across the tarmac to board the non-stop flight from Ottawa to Edmonton.
Five hours and three time zones... Eastern Daylight, Central Daylight and Mountain Daylight, since we just turned the clocks ahead an hour and I should be on the ground in Edmonton by nine o'clock their time. At least I think I'm right. There just better be a damn decent meal on board and I could sure use a beer, once we get up in the air.
Half-way into the flight, the monotonous drone of the jet engines suddenly change octave as the pilots force an ascent to a higher altitude to avoid turbulence over western Manitoba. Eventually Saskatchewan lies hidden below the thick cloud cover as darkness envelopes the DC-8 with the sinking sun disappearing into the western horizon. It's turning out to be one long, stressful and unnerving flight.
The final descent into Edmonton International Airport is rough.
Strong gusts pummel the wings of the big jet as the lights of Edmonton below start to poke through the clouds. The pilots struggle to hold a straight path as it begins its final descent and approach before landing. The blue lights of the runway flash and seem to mock Adam as he watches the ground rise up quickly up meet him.
It's a scary touchdown with one head-jerking, sickening thud... then a stomach-turning, sudden bounce and then another slightly less violent thud as the reverse thrusters start to scream.
A few tense moments when the pilots struggle to correct a sideways skid and then it gradually slows just before the end of the airstrip. Finally, the big DC-8 starts to turn and taxi off the runway and over to the terminal. Most of the debarking passengers are deathly pale as they slowly and cautiously head down the mobile stairway from the aircraft onto the tarmac and into the bleak, bitterly cold Alberta night.
Luckily, Adam's suitcase is one of the first to come down the carousel. With his backpack slung over his shoulder and his suitcase firmly in hand, he strides through the noisy and overly bright, fluorescent-flooded main concourse of the airport and out through the sliding exit doors. Taxis with steamed-up windows are idling away... their heavy exhaust fumes add to the nauseous stench of jet fuel that the Chinook winds coming off the Rockies relentlessly blow like piercing needles assaulting his exhausted face.
Welcome to Edmonton Adam, he says to himself with a grimace as he shrugs and hails a cab.
"117 Londonderry Square, North West Edmonton. It's supposed to be around where the Namo/Clareview Shopping Centre is."
Sure hope that man Dad was with left the key in the mailbox like that woman from the Lawyer's office said. Otherwise I'm gonna' be fucked for a place to stay tonight.
Twenty minutes later, the cab driver pulls into a townhouse development. "Ya' better just wait here for me for a minute while I check for a key in the mailbox."
Fortunately there's a key there so he pays the cab fare and then stares back at the front door.
Well, you made it this far Blanchard... no turnin' back now.
The place is freezing cold inside and smells faintly of cat piss. He flicks on the light in the entry, sloughs of his boots and ski jacket, dumps his knapsack and suitcase and starts to survey the place. It's very compact inside with just a sparsely furnished living/dining room and galley kitchen on the main floor. The kitchen overlooks a small back yard with a 6'-0" tall privacy fence and a gate that opens up to a single car parking spot behind the unit.In one corner of the yard there is a Taoist Yin-Yang symbol hanging on the fence, banging against it with the wind.
Better go check to see if his car is still there.
On with the boots again and then out the sliding doors and through the piled up snow. Aaron stops dead in his tracks to be greeted with the depressing sight of a huge mountain of snow and ice under which is what he assumes is a car. Fuck. Looks like it hasn't been moved in weeks and weeks. Too tired to think about that now. I'll figure out where that stinkin' cat smell is coming from inside and find a shovel in the morning. Sure as hell hope he's got some clean sheets and a decent bed upstairs. Just need to find a thermostat to crank up the heat and get a good night's sleep.
Once upstairs, Adam looks for his Dad's bedroom. He finds a linen closet and searches to find fresh sheets for Tom's bed. Hmm, brand new orange sheets and towels in here, real nice.
Hanging above the bed in Tom Blanchard's bedroom is a simple and elegant large black and white canvas. To Adam, it looks like Japanese calligraphy with character symbols masterfully hand-painted onto a piece of fine linen, tightly wrapped around a wooden stretcher.
Below the characters at the very bottom of the piece in small, subtle black script are the words wise sky' and small forest'.
Adam stares at the artwork and wonders... just who the hell is this man who was my father anyway?
It's the next day, and Adam is sitting in the reception area of Crawley, Crawley, Carruthers and Feltmate, waiting for Miss McCarthy.
"Good morning Mr. Blanchard. Thank you so much for coming out so soon. I trust you had a good flight and that Mr. Kobayashi left a key for you to be able to access your Father's house."
"Uhm, yes ma'am, he did."
"Oh please. Call me Angelina. I've known your Dad and Mr. Kobayashi for many years and it's nice to finally get to meet the son your Father always went on about." Just then she smiles across the desk at him.
Adam is totally shocked by this revelation.
"Uhm, Angelina... I haven't seen or heard from him since I was sixteen. This is all kinda' weird to me. Why did he name me as his executor and what's he been doing out here since he walked out on my Mom and deserted her and me years ago?"
"Well Adam, all I can say to you about that is that he'd been working ever since I first met him as a property manager for Mr. Kobayashi who has a small restaurant and several apartment buildings and condominium units here in Edmonton and in Calgary. He and Mr. Kobayashi, whose first name is Riku by the way, were uh, close for many years. Riku is devastated over his death, and was there night and day for him this past year. I have a phone number for him and he'd really like to meet you if you are at all interested to make contact. I understand he has been looking after your Father's cat ever since he was last admitted into hospital back in December."
"My Dad had a cat?"
"Yes Adam. He named it `Adam' by the way."
Adam's jaw drops at that comment, and he just stares out the window in silence as Miss McCarthy continues.
"As I told your Mother, there is an insurance policy in your name that he made out for you years ago when you were a baby. We've taken the liberty of contacting them and providing them with a Death Certificate. Once you let me know where you would like the money from that policy deposited, I will contact them to instruct them to pay out the claim."
"Uh, how much was the policy for?"
"Fifty thousand dollars Adam. May I call you Adam?"
"Yes please Angelina."
"There is more in his estate as well Adam."
Adam is in shock, and just stares at her as she continues.
"You've seen the townhouse condominium he rents from Riku and I assume you've had a brief opportunity to at least get a preliminary look at his possessions. He has a car that with the exception of a couple of months of outstanding fees for unused parking and inside storage, is fully paid for. We can clear up any outstanding accounts on that for you and monies he owes on your behalf from his Chequing and Savings accounts. He knew he wouldn't be coming back out of the hospital the last time he was admitted Adam and put everything in motion at that time for you to handle his affairs. He was very organized. His bank received a Death Certificate the day he died from us and they will be expecting you to call them to discuss how you want to deal with the money he has in those accounts. Last time I checked his statements, there was another eighteen thousand or so in the both of them. There is more than enough money to cover off his outstanding debts. Don't worry about any of that Adam. His rent is paid up to the end of March and since he was renting from Riku, I'm sure there won't be any problem with that at all. His credit card has no outstanding balance owing on it. You'll need to cancel that by the way. There are probably going to be a few small expenses like ambulance fees and maybe some medications for his Cancer that weren't covered under the private members health care plan he had with Mr. Kobayashi's company. But again, we can certainly take care of them for you as well. You'll need to have the ownership of his car transferred over to you and take out a temporary insurance policy on it before you can drive it. It's now yours to either sell or keep. You'll need to have the registration and insurance transferred over to your name and address permanently in Ottawa, if you do decide to keep it. Licence plates will need to be done up as well for Ontario. The Department of Motor Vehicles can work with you on that. You'll be needing copies of his official Death Certificate for when you have to notify the Canada Customs and Revenue Agency for his final tax assessment and you'll have to contact the proper officials and organizations to cancel his provincial health card, his driver's licence and social insurance number and all official pieces of documentation like that. Here is his wallet, by the way. They are all in there. We have, what we refer to as an `Executors' Tool Kit' we provide to clients having to go through all of this. I can see from the expression on your face you've probably never had to deal with any of these administrative estate details before. Am I correct in assuming that Adam?"
"Uhm, yes Angelina. I'm still kinda' reeling from the shock of all this. Not sure really where to start with all of those to tell you the truth."
"I understand completely Adam. Most people don't. Usually they're going through a period of intense sadness and grief over their loss and then they have all of this responsibility thrust upon them at a time they are dealing with their own emotions. I want you to know that I was extremely fond of your Father and am still of Riku. I am here for you now to answer any questions and help out in any way that I can. I am truly sorry for your loss Adam."
"That's just the thing though Angelina. How can ya' lose someone you never thought ya' had? So many years and no contact with him. Then all of this, when it's too late."
"Adam, you may wish to make contact and speak with his partner Riku. I don't know how you feel about that. But I know him well and he was devoted to your Dad and maybe he can answer some of your questions. That may help you to make some sense and come to terms with of all of this. Here is his phone number. He has a very trendy, little restaurant downtown. My husband I dine there frequently. He is a wonderful man and I know he would very much like to meet with you and perhaps get to know you, if you are at all interested."
"Thanks Angelina. I guess I'd better... if only to pick up Dad's cat."
Once outside of Angelina's office and in the reception area alone by himself, he starts to look inside Tom's wallet and finds a picture of Tom and him from when he was either five or six years old. He recognizes the scene and remembers that they were at the Brockville Memorial Centre Trade Fair together. Tom has his hand on Adam's shoulder. They're standing there smiling and happily looking back at the camera. Tom towers over Adam in the shot and is looking down on his son with a tender expression on his face.
Fuck. So many wasted years after he disappeared...
It's finally Winter Break and I'm back in Brock Vegas with Mom and Dad for a week away from `crazy Camilla and her comedy cast of College cohorts' back at Algonquin.
"Mom? Dad? I'm glad we're all together here right now, because something happened with Adam and I wanted to tell you both about it in person while I'm down here this week."
My Mom is the first to pipe up. "Oh my God! Tell me he's still living with you! Tell me there's nothing wrong!"
"Yes Mom, that's all fine."
"Oh thank God for that!" she exclaims.
My Dad looks up from his newspaper and asks, "So son, what's happened with Adam? You have our attention."
"Well, um, where do I begin with this? Let's see. I guess first off, I need to tell you that Adam's Dad died of Cancer a couple of weeks ago out in Edmonton."
My Dad is looking at me intently and quietly says, "Go on Aaron."
"Adam's gone out there to settle his estate. His Mom got a call from some Lawyer Firm out there and he flew out a couple of weeks ago, because his Dad named him as executor of his estate. "
Mom and Dad are staring at each other and not saying a word.
Then suddenly, my Mom exclaims, "Oh my God! Del must have been stunned to take that call. It's like a ghost coming back to haunt her all these years later! Go on Aaron. What else happened?"
My Dad is just sitting across the table from me, not saying a single word.
"Well... she drove up to Ottawa the next morning to talk to Adam about the call and tell him some things about her marriage and how Adam's Dad walked out on them and all years ago."
"Go on... "
"Well, I don't know if I should be saying any of this to the two of you or not. Please don't say I told you to either or Mrs. Blanchard. But she told him about his Dad and why he left and that he was living with someone out there in Alberta for years until he died."
Finally my Dad says something. "A man or a woman Adam?"
"So you know then. How long have you known about him Dad?"
"Aaron... I've known about Tom Blanchard for years. There are no secrets in Brockville son. He was a friend to one of the cooks who worked in the kitchens at the Hospital back then. I think his name was Raju or Rimo or something like that. He was Japanese. That friendship went on for two or three years before he disappeared back in the `sixties. It wasn't like Tom was being discrete about it either. I always used to see that silver car of his parked behind the hospital in the staff parking lot after hours in the evenings. It got to be a subject of gossip and speculation amongst all the staff at the time. You remember that, don't you Viv?"
"Yes, Richard. I remember the gossip."
"So, what else did Adam say to you about this Aaron?"
"He was really upset Dad and told me he just had to go out there to discover whatever he could about this man he never really knew, who happened to be his father. I've talked to him a couple of times since he arrived in Edmonton. He's met with the Lawyers out there and is settling things now. He'll be back here just before Easter."
"We won't bring any of the intimate things up about Tom and Del with Adam when we see him, Aaron. I promise you that. And Viv... you are not calling Del to speak with her about any of this either. I absolutely forbid it!"
Mom looks at Dad, nods and quietly looks down at the table top.
"Does she know that you know Aaron?"
"Uhm, yes. I think so Dad."
"Well, you just keep your lips sealed when you see her and let her come to you if she wants to talk or confide. This is a private matter between her and her son. Adam won't thank you if you upset his mother or try to get mixed up in any of this without him asking you to. You be there for support for him and let the two of them work this all out between themselves. Do you understand what I am telling you here son?"
"Yes Dad. And Dad...?"
"Yes Aaron?"
"I'm glad you're my Dad."
The façade of Mr. Kobayashi's restaurant is discreet and elegantly understated with a simple black lacquered, heavy wooden door leading into the space beyond. To the right of the door is the word `Komorebi' inscribed with simple, flowing raised silver letters on a white enamel plaque, surrounded by a thin black frame.
The interior of Komorebi' is like nothing Adam has ever seen before. It looks carefully edited and composed with a deliberate attempt to limit any use of colour inside except for small focal points of pale aqua and sky blue, consciously and sparingly executed in certain areas in order to direct the eye. The restaurant is sophisticated and minimal with black and white Japanese calligraphy prints on the walls, white rice paper and ebony-framed wall sconces, natural straw-like tatami mats on the floor and sliding Shoji screen panels to separate off parts of the restaurant, creating more private and intimate smaller spaces within the main space. There is a quiet serenity and cool elegance to the restaurant. Extremely tall, high-backed privacy booths with pale blue leather-upholstered seat and back rests are toward the front. At the back are two large U-shaped' Teppanyaki cooking stations, where people gather together to watch Shogun-dressed master chefs make an art of cooking right in front of them. Adam takes one of the booths at the front and thinks to himself, Aaron would be really impressed with this place.
A stunningly beautiful, young Asian woman, dressed in an exquisite deep coral, indigo blue, red and orange silk kimono embossed with egrets, ibises and herons approaches him and asks if she can serve him.
"Thanks, I'm here to see Mr. Kobayashi."
"Ah, you must be Adam." She smiles, bows and disappears to find Riku.
Adam's eyebrows shoot up almost imperceptibly when Riku approaches him and the booth. He's not what Adam expected at all. In front of him is a slim, well-proportioned man... almost as tall is he is... most uncommon for a typical Japanese male.
Riku pauses just then to study Adam carefully. Adam Richard Blanchard... this compellingly handsome young man before me. The adult son of my lover...
He motions for the young woman wearing the Geisha kimono and says quietly to her, "Yumiko, please serve Sake and bring Mr. Blanchard Sapporo beer. I do not think this morning it is too early for alcohol."
He moves with graceful, composed poise and is guilessly dressed from head to foot in black linen. Thick, straight black hair and a near flawless light skin complexion... Riku's almost black-hued eyes are larger and wider than those one would expect to see on a typical Japanese man... so sensual with long lashes concealing whatever thoughts he must be thinking as he appraises Adam. There is a gentle, serene, almost androgynous quality to him that fascinates Adam. He looks to be in his mid to late `forties.
You are as tall as he was, and you have his eyes ...
"I'm Adam and you must be Mr. Kobayashi." Adam starts to get up to take Riku's hand. But Riku motions for him to sit back down with a simple gesture of warmth and respect.
"Welcome to `Komorebi'. My name is Riku, Adam. I would like you to call me that if you wish to."
"I'm sorta' uncomfortable right now. So let's see how this goes Mr. Kobayashi."
"I understand. This is not easy for me either."
"You're not what I expected Mr. Kobayashi."
"Riku smiles shyly and replies, "You are precisely how your Father described you to me Adam. I see him in your eyes. I would know you anywhere. I am so sorry for your loss Adam."
"Uhm, this is all so weird. I just don't know what to say back to you. "
"You don't need to say a word. I am just happy you felt comfortable to come to meet me."
"This place is beautiful. The name of this place... what does it mean Mr. Kobayashi?"
"Thank you Adam. That word is Japanese and difficult to translate. There are some Japanese words and expressions to describe feelings and emotions that do not have equivalent words in English. Komorebi is like a dance of light. Think of sky and sunlight shining through the leaves of trees in a forest... and then reflect upon how you feel when you see their movement and experience the warmth of the sun on your face. That is the best way I can think of to describe Komorebi."
"Wow... that really is beautiful. I'll remember that word Mr. Kobayashi. Uh, the reason I am here is that Miss McCarthy said I should come to meet you and that you wanted to meet me too... and that you have his cat."
"Ah, yes... Angelina McCarthy. She has been so supportive and helpful this past year."
"I understand my Dad worked for you and she told me he rented his place from you too?"
"Yes Adam. Your Father was a proud man and insisted on being independent and paying his own way. I never wanted to take anything from him. But he was determined... and renting to an associate provided tax relief benefits for my company over the years. He was a good property manager... and so much more than that, to me."
Riku's expressive eyes open wider, briefly allowing Adam to see the emptiness, sadness and pain hiding inside.
Adam cannot help but feel some measure of empathy and compassion for him. "I hope you don't mind me sayin' this... you're a nice man Riku. I can see how my Dad, or anyone for that matter would find you attractive."
"Riku blushes and simply says, "Thank you for calling me Riku."
"I understand he was sick for a long time. And you were with him `til the end. What kind of Cancer did he have Riku? There are so many questions..."
"It was Prostate Cancer Adam. He didn't suffer much until the last."
"Why did he never try to contact me? I would have come if he'd only asked. I just don't get that at all... "
"He didn't want to interfere with your life and hurt your Mother any more than he already had, when he walked away from her and their marriage. You were so young... and he was so unhappy and conflicted when he deserted you both back then. He felt your Mother would be the one to best take care of you."
As Riku is talking, Adam keeps looking around the restaurant until his eyes focus on a large six-panel hanging screen depicting trees in a forest on one of the walls. "That is beautiful Riku... that screen there."
"It is a copy of one of Japan's national treasures. It represents a 16th century ink on paper screen by the famous Japanese artist Hasagawa Tahaku. You have a good eye for subtle beauty Adam."
Adam thinks of Aaron as Riku mentions the word beauty. There'd be no living with Aaron if he ever heard that from anyone. And then he smiles and decides to confide in Riku.
"Uhm, you aughta' know Riku. I'm gay myself."
Riku's eyes open wide. He is silent for several moments and then he speaks finally.
"Adam, since you have felt comfortable to confide in me, I will do the same with you now. I want you to know that it was difficult for me with my family back in Japan when it was discovered I was gay so many years ago. At that time, my parents felt I had brought shame and dishonor down upon the family. It was then that I came to Canada to start a new life for myself at a young age with very little. As you know now, I met your Father when I worked at the Hospital in Brockville. He followed me out to Edmonton when my parents died and they left me ample money to start my restaurant and begin to invest in real estate."
"Uhm Riku, I have a partner back in Ottawa and his name is Aaron. He's a lot younger than me and going to College right now. I love him Riku. Probably as much as I think you probably loved my Dad."
"Even when months and days are long, life is short... "
"What's that Riku?"
"Oh... I am sorry. That is a Japanese proverb. I was thinking of it when you spoke just now. You know Adam, you were never far from your Father's thoughts. We closed down the restaurant here every October 10th on your birthday to celebrate, just him and me. And Mrs. Fullerton always kept him informed of how you were doing when you started to work for her at the store."
Adam is stunned when he hears this.
"I never knew that Riku!"
"Of course you wouldn't have Adam. She knew your Father well and promised him when he left Brockville many years ago she would watch over you as best she could and keep him informed. I assume she never knew you were gay and still does not know now... "
"Uhm, no Riku. That is, not until after she met Aaron. And then I think she sorta' knew after that."
"We have much to discuss and share Adam. May I come over to spend time with you for the time you are in Edmonton? I would like that and want to help you with whatever you may need during this difficult time, for us both."
"I'd like that Riku. Any time at all. It's your house after all and I know you have his cat."
"It was always a safe and comfortable place for both he and I Adam. That is how I always thought of it. And yes of course you will want to meet `Adam'. He resembles you. I can see now why Tom felt compelled to adopt him years ago. Strong, determined, with hazel green eyes and an abundant, dark sable Manx coat of fur. Hopefully, you are not as willful and headstrong as your tailless namesake is... "
"Well, I'd say that Aaron would probably think otherwise." Adam sits back and smiles to himself.
Riku smiles as well.
"Heya' cookie! I got to meet Riku today."
I'm upstairs on the hallway phone with Adam. "Who is Riku, Adam."
"He's my Dad's lover Aaron. He's really something. You'd like him."
"How are you doing with getting everything settled out there?"
"Well baby... Dad's remains from the crematorium are with me now. They're in a beautiful copper-coloured urn that the funeral director told me was Japanese and very old. Guess that makes sense now after meeting Riku. I met with the Lawyer and she gave me lots of information and I'm gonna' go through what he has here in the house and start to figure out what to keep and what I want to either donate or throw out in the next week or so. I'm gonna' head back there after that and take my time coming home and you can let everyone know I'll be back in time before Easter. You know Aaron... I'm really glad I decided to do this."
"I figured you would Adam. But I just didn't want to push you into doing anything you didn't feel right about doing. You'll call your Mom and let her know, right Adam? "
"We not gonna' have any problems with money and finances baby. I'm not gonna' get into all the details with you over the phone. But my Dad saw to it I'd be well taken care of after he was gone. I feel so good about that Aaron."
"He must have loved you Adam."
"Yeah, he sure did."
"I miss you so much Adam."
"I miss you too baby. Ya' know honey, I haven't had a lot to laugh about since I got out here. I miss you teasing me and uhm, uh... oh yeah! I miss that cute, tight boy butt of yours too. I'll be drivin' Dad's car back from Alberta when I leave here. I figure it'll take me a week or so to get back. Are you gonna' be in Ottawa or Brock Vegas when I get there?"
"Probably Ottawa. Depends on whether you get back here on a school day or over a weekend.
Mom and Dad said to say hi by the way... and that they were so sorry to hear about your Dad."
They're good people Aaron. You're lucky to have them both."
"So, Adam... since you mentioned it to me just now. Do I dare even ask about this car of your Dad's? Hopefully it's better than the crappy old Ambassador he left your Mom when he disappeared."
"Well cookie, it's a 1973 Dodge Charger SE Magnum 440 Rallye 2 door hardtop coupe. At least that's what the badges and lettering say on it. I hadta' dig it out from under more than two feet of snow to get a decent look at it. It musta' been sitting outside of Dad's place here the whole six weeks he was in hospital, right before he died. It's kinda' slippery-looking, like a shark fin with a power bulge front hood scoop, and a big back spoiler."
Then he tries to pretend like he knows cars and blurts out, "Cookie...ya' know, it's got a huge honkin' 440 cubic inch 5.7 litre magnum four barrel hemi 280 horsepower V8 motor, with a 3.51:1 rear axle ratio, an 8 ¾ rear posi-traction limited-slip differential, a heavy-duty 'Richard Petty `Nascar' racing-tuned suspension, and a 3 speed 727 torque-flight automatic transmission."
"Oh yes... and it's got black and white, tiny hound's-tooth upholstery' and coco mats'."
I had to bite my tongue in order not to burst out laughing when he came out with the words tiny hound's-tooth' and coco mats'!
"Adam? Do you even know who `Richard Petty' is, or what any of that actually means?"
Five seconds of an embarrassed pause and then he admits in a low, subdued, little boy voice, "Uh, no... not really Aaron. I read it in the owner's manual and off the service repair records I found in in the glove compartment. It just made me feel kinda' butch to be able to say that to ya' just now... especially the `power bulge' thing."
Stifling a smile, I respond with, "Hmm, thought so. You're not exactly a gear head or a mechanical genius when it comes to cars. Your `Nascar' track record with me isn't exactly the greatest you know... "
"Aww, c'mon now honey. Gimme' a break. Honestly though, my Dad must have really loved it cause it'll look brand new once it's all cleaned up. He took really good care of it Aaron. He musta' stored it somewhere heated indoors in the winters until he got too sick this past year cause there's like no rust on it at all that I can see. It's gonna' be a real pig on gas and the trip back in it will probably bankrupt me. Red-line the damn thing and you'll probably see the needle on the gas gauge start to go down. But it's only got 21,000 miles on it and even though it sat outside behind Dad's place here practically all winter, I was able to get someone to give the battery a boost and eventually it started up just fine for me. I'll get it all tuned up before I make the trip back home there."
He pauses for a moment, then chuckles and continues with, "Ya' know baby... now that I'm really thinkin' about it, it kinda' reminds me of you. I think I gonna' nick-name it the `Aaron sex-mobile'. The dual mufflers on it moan and groan like you do when I stick my cock in ya'. And it throbs and shakes and vibrates just like you do when you cum for me too!"
Adam then let's loose with one of his obscene, dirty laughs and continues with, "It's got a really big, cushy, padded front seat that leans right back for me to stretch and spread my legs out. I tested it and you'll be able to play with King Kong and do me while I drive it and go free-ballin' anytime ya' like. I'll even spray some of my `Eau Sauvage' cologne on the driver's seat where my furry crotch and hairy butt will be sittin' so you can feel right at home down there!"
More teasing laughter and then with a sudden burst of creative inspiration, he comes out with, "Sooo... how's my old brown pants and suit jacket you love holdin' up there baby? They're gonna' be wanting you to start lookin' for a real private place for us to play with each other in the Aaron Sex Mobile. I might even letcha' loose on my new trousers and sports jacket from Craig's in my new wheels, on special occasions if you're extra special nice to me."
I'm deadly silent on the other end of the phone.
He senses it and realises he'd better quit while he's still ahead. "Awww... c'mon now Aaron. I hope ya' do know baby, there's nothing wrong with a little fetish as long as you're not hurtin' yourself or anyone else with it. We all have weird, strange things that make us hot and juicy and get our wires' up. Hmm... izzzn't it'." And then he chuckles.
He just couldn't resist making that dumb `Camilla Mezaros izzzn't it' crack to me... jeez'.
"Aaron, seriously now... this whole thing you've got with my old brown suit pants and jacket doesn't bother me `cause it's harmless and you seem to really get off on it, and I get fringe benefits from it. I know you love me for more than just my old clothes. It's the sweaty, hairy hunk under those clothes ya' really love."
"Adam... the fact is, it's the first thing I ever saw you wearing when I started to jerk off and fantasize about you back in Fullerton's. You just looked so damned confident and manly to me... a real hot-looking, well-hung, masculine man with a sexy, hard ass and a big bulge. That's why I remember it and still get off on that old suit... especially when you're wearing it with nothing on underneath."
"Aww, baby... I know that and I understand. But just so ya' know, I'm gonna' tease you about it every now and then. Trust me though. I'd never embarrass you in front of anyone else and it'll always be our little secret. OK honey?"
"Dig that hole a little deeper there Adam."
He roars with laughter and delivers the final line of his Adam Blanchard' amateur improv' comedy act. "Oh and yeah baby. While I'm thinking of our extra-curricular play time here, start making up shopping lists cause I'm gonna' be taking lots and lots of long-distance, slow lane, roundabout trips to the grocery store, the hardware store, the drug store, the book store, the convenience store and any other fuckin' store I can think of with you between my legs, workin' my stick shift!"
"Uh, Adam. Actually... all I really wanted to know was what colour it was."
When I said that to him I thought he'd choke for sure and pass out on the other end of the phone line with hysterical laughter.
"Uh, Adam?"
"Yeah baby...?"
"Adam?"
"What baby...?"
"You'll never make it as a comedian. Better stick with your day job."
"Aww honey. C'mon now. Laugh! I miss you cookie boy! But seriously Aaron... about the car. It'll be OK for now and should get us around in the city there just fine. I think though I'm just probably gonna' keep it for a year or so, and then maybe trade it in for something newer... something cheaper on gas once things settle down with finding a new place for us and starting my new job and all."
"Trading your Aaron in for something newer after only a year? We're going to have to have a very serious discussion when you get back."
Another guffaw and then he says, "Had to have the last laugh, didn't ya baby?"
"Always Adam. And I miss you too Sasq'! Please don't stay out there too long. Come back home soon."
Several days later and Adam is back at Tom's townhouse waiting for Riku to arrive. A refined and graceful-looking sky blue metallic Mercedes Benz 280SE 3.5 coupe glides up in front. Riku climbs out and starts to walk up to the front door. He pulls a key out to let himself in, then remembers Tom is really gone and he must now ring the doorbell instead of intruding on Adam's privacy.
The look of sadness on Riku's expressive face over the loss of his lover is clearly evident.
"Heya' Riku. Thanks for waiting for me to get myself organized before comin' over. I woulda' called you before this. But there's just so much to go through. And I wanted a few days to get my head around everything."
"I understand Adam. Thank you so much for letting me come. I know where Tom keeps tea. Do you mind if I make us some tea, or would you rather do that yourself?"
"It must be very strange for you to feel like a guest in this place Riku. I've been thinking about that a lot since we met and I think I'd be just as comfortable as you, if you just went ahead and did the things you normally would do if my Dad was still alive and here now. Is that OK with you?"
"Thank you Adam. We had our rituals and I would like to make tea for us." Riku smiles warmly.
"You know Riku, I'm sorta' shocked at how much my Dad and I had in common. First thing I did was start to go through his books in the upstairs second bedroom. He really was interested in History wasn't he?"
"He had many interests Adam. He was a complicated, passionate, multi-faceted man and curious about a great number of things. He loved his books, his cat, you... and me. He loved life."
"I see that now Riku. By the way, I don't blame you for anything he did to my Mom and me back when he left her anymore. I wantcha' to know that."
"Thank you Adam. That means a great deal to me to hear you to say that. So, have you made any decisions regarding his personal effects here? I assume that Angelina is helping you with all the administrative estate details. Do you have any questions for me regarding anything here that I may be able to help you with?"
"Well, this is gonna' sound really weird. But I like, just hafta' ask. Like, what's with that really bright blue and black racing-striped car of his? I've met you and seen what he has in this place... and that thing just doesn't seem to sorta' fit into the picture of someone who would be with you and live here somehow... "
Riku looks at Adam and then breaks out into a huge chuckle. "So funny Adam... oh yes... that car. I was appalled when he first bought it. Tom could be a very loud, brash and impulsive man at times. He was a like an excited small child with his first bicycle when he first saw it in the dealer's showroom. No amount of objection from me could dissuade him from having to have that car. At the time, I was convinced he wanted it simply to underscore his independent nature and free spirit as a clear message back to me. You see, he had one of my company vehicles to drive for work. After he acquired that car, I had to forbid him to drive it when representing the company. Just too outlandish and in such questionable taste... and so aggressively loud! Over time however, its rarity and value increased immeasurably. What is it they say? Oh yes, it is what they call a `muscle car' and highly prized and sought after now as an important and desirable collectible. Over the years, it became a source of much good-natured teasing and laughter between he and I. In many ways Adam, he was a unique and complex man. That car is very much a part of who your Father was."
Riku then pauses and says quietly, "It will be the laughter I miss most now that he is gone."
Adam is silent and really doesn't know what to say to offer any comfort to Riku for his loss and obvious grief. All he can do is reach out to take Riku's hand and give him a moment to compose himself before continuing.
"Wow Riku. That's some wild story about the car and my Dad. It's just... well, I guess it's just `cause when ya' look around here. Well... this place is so simple and peaceful. Like for instance, those clay pot things there on the dining room table."
"You mean the Raku pottery?"
"Yeah those... they're just beautiful and so different."
"I brought those back for him the last time I went back to Kyoto when my parents passed away. They came from their house and once belonged to my father's parents. You think they are beautiful, do you Adam? It is the unpredictability of the outcome when they are removed from the firing kiln that generate those intense colours. To me that is a metaphor for all those who love that life can be so uncertain and yet so beautiful with all of its flaws and imperfections. In Japanese, the words "wabi sabi" describe the perfect beauty of the imperfections.
"Do you want them back Riku? There must be lotsa' things around here that you would want to have. Anything you want, I think you should have. I looked through some of his photograph albums and I want you to have them."
"I want you to have those pieces of Raku, Adam. That would give me great pleasure if you would accept them as a gift from me to you."
"Riku... after so many years together there must be other things that hold memories for you here."
"Things Adam. Things cannot bring back those we have loved and lost. They may hold memories. But one cannot hold memories in one's hands. They are merely material objects, after all. There is one item I know he treasured and I would be most grateful if you could bring yourself to gift it to me. There is a black and white print in his bedroom above his bed that is very special to me."
"You mean the one with the writing that says wise sky' and small forest'?"
"Yes. That is the one."
"What does that mean Riku? I've been curious about that ever since I first saw it. That piece is beautiful."
"Those words are translated from the Japanese. Riku' is wise sky and Kobayashi' is small forest. Do you understand now why that would be special to me?"
Adam is silent and nods.
"There is also a Cypress Bonsai in his room that was another gift from me. It is over 150 years old... a symbol and reminder for me of the endurance of love in an ever-changing, uncertain world. I would like that returned to me as well."
Consider it done Riku. No problem. Uhm, I've been thinking about Dad's ashes Riku. I have them here and I was thinking... would you like to have them? Seems to me he would have wanted you to have them."
Riku is on the verge of tears and after a few quiet moments of introspection replies, "Adam, your Father and I had intended to fly to Japan together before he became ill. He always wanted to travel back there with me one last time and I regret we never had the opportunity to do so before he died. In a way, he could have a last wish granted to him if I were to take his ashes back there with me, after you have gone back to Ottawa."
"I think he really woulda' liked and wanted that Riku."
"Now then Adam, have you decided what to do with his furniture here and the rest of his personal effects?"
"I was thinking to maybe take his books and a few of his things back with me. Not much though. And not the furniture. I don't know what to do or who to call to have that taken care of."
"Perhaps I could help you with that. Anything you do not feel you want could be left here and either donated or sold with the money given to charity. I can take care of that for you and would be honored if you were to allow me to help you."
"That sure would be a big help Riku. Wouldya' do that for me after I leave?"
"I will on one condition Adam."
"What's that Riku?"
"That you promise me you will come back to Edmonton with your young man to visit me one day."
"You can count on us for that Riku. Aaron and I will be there for you from now on. You're like, family now... in so many ways."
"Good! Now what do you plan to do with Tom's cat?"
"I'm thinking since my Dad named him after me and all, he should be comin' back home to Ottawa to be with me."
"Oh! I am so glad you said that Adam. I am allergic to cats!"
Adam is laughing at the irony of this revelation and confession. Riku looks over at him and just smiles.
"You are very much your Father's son Adam."
It's Thursday, April 10th and just past 6:30pm in the early evening.
I'm still waiting for Adam to pull up in front of our apartment on Argyle. Jeez'... when he told me he was leaving Toronto this morning, I was sure he'd be back by now. A short while later I can hear someone's growling, throaty-sounding car from a half block away. Then suddenly there is Adam out front hopping out of this outrageous-looking, electric blue painted muscle car with black racing stripes and a big spoiler on the back and striding across the street to meet me. He is wearing the loudest and brightest untucked, orange plaid flannel shirt in the world with a padded, quilted sleeveless vest and those tight, man ass-accentuating jeans that arouse me every time he bends over in them. Where in the hell did he ever get those worn-out construction boots from?
I'm standing just inside the front door and staring back out at him through the window at the front of the building, while trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.
"Good God! Did you mug a lesbian in Winnipeg for that plaid flannel shirt Adam? And that car... that's it? That's the car your Dad had?"
"Heya' cookie boy! Sure am glad to be back. Come and meet the `Aaron Sex Mobile'!"
"It's not a sex mobile. It's a pimp mobile."
Adam is not impressed.
I'm walking over to get a closer look at it and peer inside to look in the back. "Just checking to see if Starsky and Hutch' are back there. Where's Huggy Bear'? Stashed in the trunk? Do they know you stole their car Adam?"
Adam is really not impressed.
"Actually it looks like something Malibu Barbie' would drive. Does it have matching blue Barbie suitcases in the trunk with thirty seven changes of clothes in them?" Is there a make-up kit and hair dryer in the glove compartment? How many vanity mirrors are there on the sun visors? Where's Ken'? I wanna' meet `Ken'!"
"Knock it off Aaron. Ya' know cookie, you really can be kinda' bitchy at times. It was my Dad's car and he loved it and it deserves some respect. Dontcha' be makin' fun of my Dad's car."
I think that's the first time he's ever used the `B' word with me and I can't help but laugh as he gives me one of his reproachful looks.
"You aughta' know right now Aaron. I'm keepin' it too. I really got to like it while drivin' it back and it's here to stay baby."
"What's with that colour? I'm going blind just staring at it. "
"Oh fuck off Aaron! With all the masturbating you did back in Brockville before ya' met me, it's a wonder you didn't go blind years ago!'"
Both he and I are laughing at each other now.
"I asked them at the dealership about that colour when I took it in for a tune-up before heading back. They told me it was a special Richard Petty' blue that he had on all his Nascar' race cars. Look at the `power bulge' on the hood baby... I think it just got a little bigger now when it was checkin 'you out."
"Very funny Adam... OK. I guess I'll get used to it. But no fuzzy dice or any of those damned pine-tree air fresheners hanging from the rear-view mirror though. Promise me that, please Adam."
"The only thing fuzzy in it will be what's hangin' between my legs. And that's just for you."
"Ok `Mr. Saturday Night Live'... I had a feeling you were going to want to keep the car, so I went ahead and asked my classmate Natalie Portlander about good repair mechanics in the city. Her uncle runs McNaughton's Shell station on Beechwood Avenue in the east end and he is really knowledgeable and good with Mopar repairs. You and he are going to get to be super good buddies I think, if you keep your Dad's car seeing as though you are totally clueless when it comes to maintenance and repairs. Just keep your wallet open and he'll empty it whenever he needs to. Jeez'."
"What's `Mopar' baby?"
"`Mostly old parts and rust'. Seriously though Adam, they use those letters as a term for Chrysler muscle cars. You'd really better become familiar with this stuff if you're going to keep that thing... "
"Never you mind about my Dad's 440 Magnum Charger. You won't have to get used to it. I'm gonna' keep it and store it away somewhere and just drive it once in a while. We'll rent two parking spots wherever we're gonna' move to and I'll buy something new and more practical for every day. Maybe a Toyota or something like that. You can choose it. And I'll even letcha' pick the colour on that one. Does that work for ya' baby?"
"Can you afford that Adam?"
"Uh, yeah... I can Aaron. But I'll fill ya' in on all of that once I getcha' back inside to give you a proper hello."
"Well I gotta' say. That's the nicest and hairiest eight inch hello I think I've ever received Sasq'."
"And it's nice to see that eight still goes into one there with long division baby."
Then he rolls over in bed, leans up on one arm and looks over at me,
"Uh, Aaron. There's something I sorta' forgot to tell you about my Dad and his place out in Edmonton. And seeing as though Riku is gonna' be taking care of the arrangements from Edmonton, I guess I better let ya' in on it now. Baby, we're gonna' have a visitor coming to stay with us. And his name is Adam, just like me."
"Jeez' Adam! And you're telling me this now? There isn't even enough room for us here as it is! How in the hell do you think we're going to manage having to cope with someone else in this place? And someone with the same first name as you?"
"Not someone Aaron... something."
I'm staring at Adam and waiting for what's about to come out his mouth next.
"Well baby... seems my Dad had a cat that he named after me. It's a long story. But Riku was taking care of him when my Dad was in the Hospital, and asked me if I'd take him now that my Dad is gone. Cookie honey... uh, Riku is allergic to cats. And well, I just couldn't let him put poor little Adam into an animal shelter. Riku really didn't wanna' have to do that either `cause Dad just loved that cat. I'd never forgive myself if I let that happen. Riku is gonna' have Adam flown back to Ottawa and I'll go pick him up from the airport when he gets here. I was gonna' drive home with him from Edmonton. But honestly Aaron, it would have been too long a trip and would have just been too hard on both me and little Adam if I'd tried to do that. Are you gonna' be OK with this Aaron? He's a really nice cat and won't be any trouble at all. I'll take care of him and you won't hardly even know he's around. Please say you'll be OK with me having him here."
"Well... as long as you feed him and clean his kitty litter box and he doesn't get into any of my school work assignments, then I guess it'll be OK. You have to promise me though Adam that when we move you won't stick his litter box in the bathroom, because I don't want to have to be stepping on cat litter in the middle of the night. And he better be neutered and not be peeing on everything either."
"I promise Aaron. And I think I remember Riku tellin' me he was fixed."
"OK then. Well, at least one of you will be. I'll be able to tell you two Adams apart that way, I suppose... "
Adam suddenly grabs me and laughs and says, "I don't think we're done just yet sayin' hello to each other baby. C `mere and show me again how much ya' missed me."