Accidentally on Purpose 11
Accidentally On Purpose 11
Sire
"This is you," GQ tells me.
"Where are you guys going after this?" I ask.
GQ has dropped us off in his car to our homes. Karma and Imani are still in the car. After seeing what we saw it is becoming clear that things are going to be weird.
"I think we should go to the cops," Imani states.
"You know what happened last time we went to the cops," I respond.
I've learned my lesson. No. I wasn't really pressed to go to the police. This whole thing is freaking me out. I'm sitting in front of my house right now and the truth is I just want this to be over with. I just want to be far away from the fucking Dread Fort once and for all.
The look in everyone's eyes says that there are so many emotions going on. Karma has been biting his lip. GQ has been turning and looking at me every few seconds and Imani. Well Imani looks like he isn't going to listen to me. I have the feeling that he's going to go to the cops. I don't expect anything less. Imani isn't scared of anything. He hasn't been through what GQ and I have been through. He doesn't understand how much control Pine and his goons have.
"They are aliens," Imani argues.
"Exactly why we shouldn't go to the cops,' I respond.
Imani gives me a hard look. I know him. I know how much he likes to be in charge. He's in the back seat when I see him glaring at me.
"Sire. We ARE going to the cops."
He's trying to push his weight and his agenda. There's nothing new here. What's new however is when GQ turns to Imani and takes my side.
"Sire is right. Let's just stay low key. We aren't at the Dread fort anymore. We are safe at home. I'll drop everyone off. Actually...Karma...I don't know where you stay."
Karma pauses.
"Far away," he responds.
"He can stay with me," Imani explains, "I'll look out for him for a while. If that's OK with everyone else, I mean."
GQ and I look at one another. After Imani and Karma had caught us basically in the most compromising situation naked, cuddling and kissing together there wasn't much I could say. I had to admit looking at Karma I still liked him. I still wanted him. The idea of GQ scared the fuck out of me. Karma was the good boy. He was the safe bet. I shouldn't be giving up on him that easily but the fact that GQ doesn't protest Karma staying with Imani would make it extremely awkward for me to say something about it. I look back at Karma. He looks at me. I wonder if he wants me to say something. I wonder if he wants me to challenged Imani for his affection.
This wasn't just a love triangle. This was some sort of fucked up love mix up that I couldn't explain. We all had feelings for Karma and now this weird situation with GQ that I couldn't put my finger on is getting to me.
I'm surprised when GQ gives me a look, "I can come over after I drop them off. If you want?"
GQ stayed just down the street from my family's place. Him coming over would have been really easy. It would have been too easy. I look at him and remember how good the sex was. I liked it more than I had to admit, but that was the thing about GQ. I would never doubt his sex was good. It's the fact that he had everything else that was fucked up going on with him.
"It'll probably be late," I tell him, "I'll be tired."
"It's 9 o' clock at night. You're not going to fucking be tired," GQ calls me out, "If you don't want me to come over than fucking say it."
"Not everything is about you."
"Guys...I don't know what the hell is going on between you two," Imani interrupts us, "But Karma is really shaken up and I don't think he needs to be around for this shit."
I watch Imani put his arm around Karma. Karma does look shaken up about everything. I don't want to upset him. I unbuckle my seatbelt and look back at the others.
"Take care of him, Imani," I say firmly.
I knew I was making a mistake letting Karma go home with Imani but this fucking situation with GQ just complicated every fucking thing. Karma probably wants nothing to do with me. I watch how he gives me a kind, soft awkward smile from the backseat and waves at me slightly. I wave back. The guy is so innocent. I just want to protect him over everything.
GQ is expecting me to say something to him but truth is I don't want to. He's a dickhead. I don't know what happened between us in the Red Room but I definitely knew that I was regretting it. I shouldn't have let it get that far. I shouldn't have let that happen.
~
The night goes by fast when Karma is dropped off at Imani's house. Imani is handsome to him. A sweet woman opens the door when he arrives.
"Imani... I wasn't expecting you."
"Not now," Imani responds.
He seems closed off, a little bothered even by being here. He grabs Karma's hand and takes him upstairs immediately and slams the door, locking it before the lady can bother them anymore. It definitely seems like something a brat would do but Karma doesn't expect any less from Imani. Imani has always seemed rather closed off. He'd always seemed rather distant.
Karma sits on the bed.
"I thought you said your mother was dead."
Karma looks around the room. He sees all of Imani's trophies from all the sports that Imani has played in his lifetime. He'd known Imani was popular. Imani had that man
"She is. Well she was my foster mother. This is my foster mother too. All my life I've just been moved from house to house. Never too long."
Imani seems heavy when he says it.
"You are so scared to be close to someone aren't you?" Karma asks him.
Imani pauses.
"Everyone...but you, for some reason," he explains shaking his head, "It's so weird how you just showed up at the Dread Fort, just jumped into my life and just have been so irresistible to me ever since then. I swear I don't want to admit this but I was going to fall out with my best friends because of you. I hate the fact that it had to happen like that but I wouldn't take anything back that happened...because I met you."
Karma smiles. It's the sweetest thing someone has told him in a long time.
"I wanted to let you know...I don't blame you for Henry's death," Karma explains.
"You don't?"
"No. I know you didn't do it on purpose. It was an accident. Accidents happen. Henry always used to tell me: An Upsetting is only a way to really understand the Upsetter."
Imani takes off his shirt at that moment and puts on a fresh one. Karma notices how slow he does it. He notices how cool he is when he's doing it. It's clear to Karma that Imani is trying to flirt with him. It's clear to Karma that Imani is trying to really be sexy. It's working. Karma looks at his body. He looks at every little hair. Every little muscle. He looks at it and he has a feeling that makes him think that he wants to take this further.
He wonders if it was always Imani for him. Even though GQ had this sex appeal and Sire has this sweet personality, it was clear that Imani was somewhere off the grid completely. Imani was someone Karma never thought he could be with and for some reason that excited him. He's licking his lips as he watches Imani put on a tight tank top that clings to his frame.
Imani turns to him and gives him a dazzling smile, "Am I your Upsetter?"
Karma shakes his head at that moment.
"No. I thought you were. I thought you had something to do with Henry's death but now I know better. It was most likely not a suicide either. It was probably Pine."
Imani seems shaken.
"Why would Pine and his people go around killing us if they wanted to study us? None of it makes sense."
"Who you telling? The last time I spoke to Henry he had found something out. He was desperate for me to come meet him. He had figured something out that he thought would change everything. And then he died. That was it. He just died."
"Any idea on what he was trying to show you?"
Karma pauses at that moment. He remembers seeing Henry's scared face. He remembers how horrified he was when he face-timed with him.
"He just said that he needed me to come find him. He said that something was coming. The end."
"The end of what?"
Karma shrugs.
"Everything...I guess."
~
I sit at the table with my family. They've cooked a meal for me. I've always felt outside from my parents. I don't know why. I always felt like I didn't belong. Maybe it's because everyone in my family was a light skin tone maybe the complexion of Imani but I was the darkest. I used to be the only one who was fat as well. I had tried to change all that. I had tried so hard to fit in from working out obsessively to joining the same sports that my older brother Carl joined. Carl was sitting next to my father at the table. My mother is smiling. I can tell none of them were expecting me to come home around now. It's a big surprise and it's written over their face.
"We're glad you're back buddy," Carl states.
He fusses with my hair and play punches me in my arm. Carl is pretty strong when he punches me I have to admit I definitely feel it. It burns my shoulder a bit and almost puts it to sleep.
"I'm glad I'm back too," I respond.
Hopefully I'd never have to deal with sex experiments, aliens and ridiculous boy drama again. I needed a break from all that. I was glad to be back home. I was glad to be where things were just...normal.
"So the school let you out early?" my dad asks.
"That's not exactly what happened," I respond.
I watch as my mother and father look at each other. They give each other these really strange glares not really understanding what I'm trying to say to them. How do I tell my parents that the school was really some perverted sex experiment where the teachers were aliens from out of space recording all our strange sexual activity?
"Is everything OK with you?" my mother asks.
They look concerned. Real concerned.
"I'm fine."
"The school called asking if you were here."
"You didn't tell them I was here did you!" I ask.
"This was before you arrived," my father responds, "Sire, is there a reason was should be concerned here?"
There is a pause. I sit slowly at the table and I'm getting confused at this.
"No. Of course not. The school. It's just...not for me. Can I just go back to regular school?"
I felt like that's where I belonged. I belonged with regular kids. I was good at football. I was one of the best. Why the fuck did I have to drop out of my school, leave all my friends, quit football and join some weird school? I could be getting a scholarship to a good college by now.
"We thought we made it clear that you had to attend this school," my father explains.
"I was happy in my old school."
"It isn't about that."
"Then what is it about?" I ask clearly getting more and more upset, "You guys treat me like some stepchild or something. I've told you multiple times I'm not happy. Did you guys know we call it the Dread Fort? You don't have any idea the sick, weird twisted shit that goes on in that school. I'm not going back."
"YOU ARE going back," my father responds.
I look over at Carl, "No one forced him to do anything. Why me?"
"They stated they will pay for your tuition for college."
"That's what never made sense to me," I explain shaking my head, "Dad you make a lot of money. We don't even qualify for financial aid. I don't understand why you need this school to pay for it."
There is a pause.
"You guys might as well tell him," Carl explains.
"Tell me what?"
There is another pause. My parents look at one another. They look at Carl. I can see the hesitation in the way they look at one another. I've never seen my mother so worried. Usually she is a talker but right now she gets real quiet. My dad starts off.
"Son..."
"I don't like when you start off conversations like this."
"Son...you really aren't my son..."
~
My life changes after that meal. I am so in my head that time just immediately flies past. It isn't until I hear a knock on my door that I become alert again. I think it's my mother ready to come try to have this talk with me again.
"Go away."
"It's me..."
It's GQ's voice. I'm even more annoyed that it's him. I don't want to see anyone. Still, I go to my bedroom door and open it for him. It's not the first time GQ has been over my house. He's always over my house. Even though we secretly had the worst relationship GQ has been my longest friend and my family has known for a quite some times that he is the one boy that I can't shake. He's always just...around. The fact that they let him in even during times like this proves how close we really are and how close we always have been.
"What's going on with everyone downstairs?" he asks, "Everyone's acting so weird."
"I don't want to talk about it man."
GQ seems nervous his damn self. I watch how he starts pacing back and forth in my room. It's rare to see GQ nervous about anything. He's always "too cool for school". He doesn't like anyone to see him sweat. Seeing him nervous like this I have to admit is kind of cute. He has those beautiful slanted eyes that are just piercing all over the room at nothing in particular.
"Listen I wanted to talk to you."
"Now's not the right time."
GQ is shaking his head, "It's the only time man. I needed to let you know that what happened in the red room...I don't want it to be a one time thing."
My eyes almost bulge out of my head when I hear GQ say that.
"I'm not going to be your fuck buddy man."
"I'm not saying that. I'm saying that I want us to see where things go. For so long I've been annoyed at the fact that just fall in love with people. I had to sit there and think about it. Why was it so annoying? Why did it bother me so much? Maybe I was jealous. Maybe deep down inside I wanted that kind of affection you were showing for everyone else to be shown to me."
I look over at GQ with wonder. I had to admit. I had just received the worst news in my life but GQ definitely always had a way of stealing my thunder out from under me. Even now he is looking at me and I almost forget how upset I was originally.
"You want to be with me or something?"
There is a pause. He stares at me with those chinky eyes. He licks his lips.
"I'm saying I want to give it a shot," GQ explains, "And I'm wondering if all this time you've been looking for this fairytale and the person who you were supposed to have it with was right in front of your face."
I pause.
It would have been nice. It would have been a nice thought but right now I can't think about it. Right now I'm more than confused.
"GQ...now's not a good time."
"I'm telling you I want to be with you and you're saying it's not a good time?"
"It's not you. It's me. I just found out that I'm adopted," I admit to him.
"What about Karma?"
"Listen. I think we both are attracted to Karma," he explains at that moment, "But me and you. We have some sort of history that we don't have with Karma. We go way back. Don't tell me you haven't thought about it even once? How weird it is that we just are around each other even though we butt heads. It's like we are gluttons for punishment. We can't get enough."
"It's not you...like I said," I tell GQ, "I just found out I was adopted."
GQ raises an eyebrow.
"Are you joking?"
"I wish I was."
"This entire time your family never told you anything? That's foul man."
It's the same thing that I felt. I sit on the bed and just stare at the ceiling. How do I even know this is my home? How do I even know where I'm from? My heart is racing at that moment.
"I've always felt...different," I explain to GQ, "I thought it was just because I was gay."
"You're not the only one. My mother is completely opposite from me," GQ explains shaking his head, "Truth is I never fit in, until I met you and Imani."
I have to admit that I feel the same way. All I know is that I'm at home now and things are right.
"You get me, don't you?" I ask.
It's a question that I know the answer to but I want to ask it anyway. Maybe GQ had a point. As he sits on the bed I think he does at least. The truth is we never got along fully but we never were so distant that we hated each other.
"Yeah, bro," he tells me with a laugh adding, "Bros before hoes."
I smile at that moment.
"I just need some time, but I want us to talk. I want us to get to know each other. I want to see where this leads. Slow. No sex. Just...just us."
GQ nods, "So I can't fuck you again tonight because I had some lube..."
"GQ..."
"Relax, I was just joking. C`mon sexy. Walk me out."
I smile at the fact that he's understanding at that moment. We get to the door and we start walking down the steps. I feel like I've learned something new about me and my entire life. I thought I knew everything. I thought I knew who my family was, I thought I knew who my friends were and I thought I knew what kind of guys I was attracted to. All of that changed in one day. In one day it felt like I was just now seeing myself for the first time.
For some reason I am thinking this may not be a bad thing. Maybe it was needed. Maybe it was time to really understand who Sire really was.
When I get to the bottom of the steps I know something is wrong. I can just tell because I can see my parents gathered around not too far from the steps.
"What's going on?" GQ asks me.
I shake my head.
"I'm not sure."
As we get to the bottom of the steps my father is giving me a look. My mother is crying for some reason. My brother Carl is comforting her. I don't get it. I don't get any of it.
"You have to go back," my father tells me.
I look at him and I just feel confused.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask.
Was this man telling me that I had to go back to the Dread Fort of all places? Was he crazy? Had he lost his complete fucking mind or something?
"No. Hell no I'm not going back."
"Yes you are..." a voice states.
I look in the living room and see someone comfortably sitting on my couch. I take a long look and realize that it is none other than Dr. Pine. GQ and I exchange glances. We are both shocked and confused that Pine would leave the school to bring us back. I didn't get it. I didn't understand it.
"Get the FUCK out of my house!" I state.
Pine ignores me. He looks over to my family.
"May we have some privacy?" Pine asks them.
It's so fucking weird when my family listens to him, especially my dad. My dad was stubborn as hell. Right now he takes my entire family and walks out of the door like Pine was some moral authority or something like that. I didn't get it.
GQ and I are standing there like rocks.
"You heard him," GQ states, "Get out of his house you fucking pervert. We aren't going to perform for you any longer.'
"I'm sorry that things are so uncomfortable for you," Pine explains at that moment, "There is something that I need to explain. Something that may change everything for you."
"There is nothing that you can tell us that we don't know. You aren't a pervert are you," I explain, "You've been watching us to see how we perform sexually, isn't that right?"
"Yes."
"You're confused by our sexuality."
"Yes."
"You're aliens trying to understand human sexuality, specifically homosexuality," I confirm.
That had to be it. I could imagine how weird it would be for aliens to come to this planet and not understand why homosexuality existed or how it came to be. They had been studying to learn more about it.
"You think we are the aliens?" he asks, "No. We're humans."
"You're a fucking liar. We saw the spaceship."
"It was a spaceship but it wasn't ours."
"Then why are you studying us?"
"Arthur A. Dread's Institute for Queer Theory and the Social Construction of Sexuality is also known as Area 51."
GQ and I seem to get more and more confused. Area 51? What the fuck was that?
"Listen we don't have time for your games."
"These aren't games, Sire. We aren't the aliens. You are."
To read the final chapter go to www.crushedcrown.com