Affirmation

Affirmation part 3

Hi Everyone, here's part 3. A lot happens in this one. Thanks for all the feedback. It means a lot. Keep it coming! Check out my other story, You Needed Me, if you haven't yet. Write to me at silentkid@angelfire.com Thanks--Amber

Disclaimer: This story is fiction. It depicts homosexuality in a positive light. The pop stars depicted may or may not be gay. I make no claims.

All the way to the wedding rehearsal, Darren kept what he considered a "manly" distance between himself and Stephen. This was about 3 feet. Far enough so he couldn't extend his arm and touch him, but close enough so if one of them stepped into traffic, the other could pull him back quickly enough. Darren did this for two reasons. One, so if anyone took their picture nothing could be inferred from it. Two, after Ronan's little talk with him, he didn't want to give Stephen any false ideas. Stephen, for his part, seemed to take the imposed gap as an excuse to not talk. He strolled along, hands in his pockets, and idly windowshopped. Occasionally he would stop to look closer at a lamp or a wooden llama and Darren stood next to him then, but once they took off, he resumed the space between them. A few times Stephen tried to walk next to him, or at least closer, and when this happened, Darren found something interesting in a window, or up a tree that caused them to stop so when they started again, he could implement the space. As the church came into view, Stephen broke the silence.

"I hope you won't make me sit in a different pew."

"Why would I do that?" Darrena asked.

"Well, you obviously don't want me walking next to you," Stephen huffed.

"Why do you say that?"

Stephen rolled his eyes at him. Had they been stopped, he would have tapped his foot indignantly. They're weren't, so he settled for rapping his fist against his leg.

"I didn't think you'd notice," Darren said, rather embarrassed.

"Well, I did," Stephen said.

"It's not you, I promise. It's just that Ronan gave me such a start. He said that I had to be extra careful around you so no one would think we were, um, together."

"Ah. Ronan." Stephen put his hand back in his pocket. His tone was somewhere between relief and contempt. "I should have known."

"He does this a lot?" Darren asked.

"As if you couldn't tell. He gets these ideas in his head about how things should be, and God help you if you cross him."

Despite himself, Darren was a little scared. Stephen noticed and quickly said,

"Don't worry about it. What he doesn't know can't hurt him. Besides, I can handle Ro alright."

"You sure let him have his way this morning," Darren said and immediately wished he hadn't.

"Sometimes it's easier not to fight. Shane tells me I need to get over that, but it's hard."

"I know."

"Anyway, Ronan's not that bad. He's just uptight. I hope you don't hold it against him."

"He just needs someone to love him," Darren joked. Stephen looked at him oddly then smiled.

"And I do," he said. This gave Darren pause until Stephen cracked, "Like a brother!" He jabbed Darren in the ribs and took off to the church. Grabbing his side, Darren ran after him.

They stopped outside the huge church doors, laughing and out of breath. Darren straightened his shirt. He brushed Stephen's shoulders with his hands, smoothing out his silk shirt. He thought Stephen might stiffen at his touch, but he just said, "thanks" and waited until he finished. After giving each other the once over and deciding they looked nice enough to enter a church, Darren pushed the doors open and Stephen followed him in.

The place was huge. White lilies cascaded from the balconies which extended lengthways all the way up the sanctuary on both sides. The flowers trailed down the walls to the pews below. Red plush cushions decorated the pews and matching kneeling cushions laid beneath them. The altar, a good football field away, was a huge immaculately carved wooden table with sparkling gold candlebras, an embroidered white cloth, and, above it all, a giant cross with a lifelike Christ stretched across it, his face settled into an eerie contentment. A rose window above the cross bore stained glass depicting the sun and a light behind it shone through, casting a golden halo around Jesus. Stephen grabbed Darren's arm as he looked around.

"Geez, " he gasped, "How many people does your cousin know?"

"I have no idea, " Darren answered, just as awestruck. Stephen maintained his grip on his arm as if he might fall down if he let go, crushed under the expanse of the place. Darren knew how he felt. He felt the same way walking through the financial district thinking the huge skyscrapers would spontaneously topple on him. He patted Stephen's hand reassuringly.

"It's about time you got here!"

Stephen let go as Alfred came up the aisle, waving at them. Darren grinned. Only Alfred would walk and wave at the same time. He jogged forward and Alfred grabbed him up in a hug.

"I'm so glad you're here!" Alfred smiled.

"I'm in the wedding, remember?" Darren kidded him.

"Yeah, but knowing you, you'd probably wait until tomorrow to show up!"

"Right, and my mum would kill me!"

Alfred laughed and let him go. "Come on and meet Rachel," he said, pulling him up the aisle.

"Wait, I want you to meet someone." Darren waved at Stephen to come over. "This is my friend Stephen. Stephen, this is my cousin Alfred."

Alfred extended his hand. "Nice to meet you, Steve."

Stephen shook his hand warmly. "Same to you, Al. Congratulations on your wedding."

Alfred beamed. "C'mon guys, Rachel's waiting."

Rachel was every bit as lovely as Darren had imagined. She had wavy brown hair and was a little on the plump side, which surprised him since Alfred was infamous for dating anorexic blondes, but her winning smile and charming personality left no question as to her merits. She immediately fell into conversation with Stephen who looked rather smitten with her himself.

"Isn't she great?" Alfred said proudly, loud enough for Rachel to hear. She smiled at him then went back to her conversation with Stephen.

"She's wonderful," Darren said honestly.

"I know she's not typically my type, but I have never been so in love."

"I can see that. I'm so happy for you Alfred. Mum and I both are." Darren said.

Alfred nodded. "Thank you." He lowered his voice. "So...what's Stephen's story?"

"He's Irish. He's a singer too, in a group called Boyzone. We just happened to meet up. We're at the same hotel, in fact."

"He's the one who came out, right?"

"How did you know that?" Darren asked.

"It even made the papers over here."

"Wow. I had no idea it made such an impact."

"It did. I thought he looked familiar. So, you're just friends?" Alfred asked.

What was this? Was Alfred asking if he was gay? Geez, he hadn't seen the guy in over a year and they start off like this! Then again, a lot of things can happen in a year. Now that the shock of Ronan asking him had worn off, Darren took this new inquiry in stride.

"Just friends," he said.

"It's just that when you came in I saw he was holding onto you."

"This place is awe inspiring. How did you get it?"

"We go to services here."

"Wow."

"I know."

Stephen yelled to Darren, "You're not singing at the wedding?"

"Nope," Darren said.

"We really wanted him to," Rachel explained.

"You never told me that, " Darren said.

"Well, we didn't want to impose, " she explained. "It was so important to Alfred that you come."

"Alfred, you could have asked," Darren said, although he dreaded what would come next.

"Darren, would you be willing to sing our song during the service?"

"I don't know Alfred. I don't know how my voice is suited for that song," he replied.

"What song?" asked Stephen.

"The Rose," said Rachel.

"I love that song!" Stephen said.

Darren suppressed a giggle. He'd never heard anyone so enthusiastic about it.

Rachel whispered something to Alfred. He nodded, smiling, and she said, "Stephen, would you be willing to sing it for us?"

"I would be honored," Stephen said.

Darren grinned, thrilled to be off the hook. Stephen continued, "and at the reception I hope Darren will grace us with a special rendition of 'I Knew I Loved You.'" Darren stopped grinning. Looking from smiling, hopeful face to smiling, hopeful face, he saw his worst nightmare coming true.

"Please?" Rachel said, and Stephen echoed her.

He shrugged and gave in. Rachel hugged him and kissed his cheek lightly in thanks. He blushed. Seeing this, Alfred pounded his back in glee. "I see you haven't changed that much!" he howled.

Spinning Darren around so Stephen could see his face, Alfred said, "Poor Darren could never get away with anything when we were kids. If he even thinks about something naughty or he gets embarrassed in the least, he turns red as a fire engine!"

Darren got hotter and stared at the floor, wishing he could disappear. The feeling intensified when Stephen laughed along with Alfred. Darren broke free of Alfred's grip and ran out of the room. He sat down in a pew and hyperventilated. Stephen sat down beside him and handed him a paper bag. He breathed into it until he calmed down.

"I'm sorry if I upset you," Stephen said.

"I embarrass too easily, " Darren said.

"It was kinda mean for Al to do that."

"I'll get over it."

"I know." Stephen rubbed Darren's short hair and stood up, not noticing that Darren was turning red again.

"Come on guys, everyone is here now. Let's start the rehearsal," Alfred called. The priest started directing people to their places. Darren greeted the cousin he would escort up the aisle. He was pleased to learn her mother was his favorite aunt and they chatted away amicably talking about her. The organist wasn't there so Stephen volunteered to fill in. He grinned as he sat on the bench, disappearing behind the huge pipe organ. Darren didn't know he could play such a complex instrument and he said this to his cousin. She said he must be proud of him and Darren was surprised to realize that he was.

On the way home Darren wanted to ask about J. It had been in his head ever since Robbie had said that about J being at the hotel first. This morning, J and the other Boyzone members quietly reaching out to each other without saying anything had heightened his curiosity. Plus, they all seemed to understand what he said. True, this could be just because they were all British, but maybe they had a special connection. J's accent was indecipherable to him. Still, he didn't know how to bring it up, and was a little wary of what he might hear, so he let it drop.

"What are you doing when you get back?"

"I think J and I are doing something," Stephen said.

"Is he gay?" Darren asked.

"Why, do you like him?"

"What? No, I..."

"Relax. I'm just kidding with you," Stephen said. Relief swept over Darren. Finally, someone who didn't seriously think he was gay. Darren laughed.

"Anyway, I think we're going to feed the birds on the roof. Jason loves that."

"You call him Jason?"

"J is so tough, don't you think?"

Darren nodded. He'd never thought about it.

Stephen went on thoughtfully, "I think I'll ask Ro to come too. I haven't spent any quality time with him in awhile."

"That's a good idea," Darren said.

"I miss him, you know. Sometimes I miss my old friend," he said wistfully.

Darren patted his shoulder. On the walk back he didn't bother with keeping 3 feet between them.

At the hotel the guys were on the couches again, this time with Robbie. J sat next to him. Robbie had his arm draped around the back of the couch so his hand gently touched J's shoulder. A shudder rumbled through Darren's body and surprised him with its uncomfortable intensity. J smiled at Darren and Robbie nodded at him, winking. Even Ronan said hello. Shane invited them to join their card game, and Darren and Stephen accepted. Robbie announced that he had some things to do before bed and stood up. He went around to all of them and kissed them lightly on the cheek, except for J whom he kissed on the forehead, and Shane whom he merely air kissed. Shane kissed him back and slapped him away in mock annoyance. Darren's gut tightened as Robbie got closer to him. Robbie grabbed his shoulder and kissed his cheek, whispering, "'Night" in his ear. "Goodnight," Darren responded, praying he wouldn't blush. Was it his imagination, or was Robbie spending more time on him than the others? Robbie waved as the elevator door closed.

"Are we going to the roof tonight?" Stephen asked.

J mumbled something which Darren took to be a yes because Stephen grinned. "Are you coming, Ro?"

Ro looked surprised, but said he'd love to. He asked if Darren was coming as well. Darren couldn't tell if he was serious or not, so he said no. He wanted to have some time to himself, anyway. Darren thought about kissing all of them good night, but figured he didn't know them well enough. That was such an English thing, anyway.

He went upstairs and took his clothes off in preparation for bed. He turned the tv on and flipped around until he found a rerun of Dawson's Creek. His wife used to tease him about his passion for the teen show, but he loved it nonetheless. He fell asleep watching the show.

Around 1am someone knocked at the door. Darren grabbed his robe and answered it. Robbie stood there, not even wearing his shirt this time. He hugged himself and shook slightly. Darren noticed goosebumps prickling his arms. He stepped aside to let Robbie in. Robbie smiled gratefully at him. He stepped in, then just stood in front of Darren, looking at him imploringly.

"What happened?" Darren asked.

Robbie opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His eyes clouded and Darren thought he might cry. He didn't know what else to do, and he couldn't just let him stand there like that, so he tentatively touched his shoulder. He almost pulled back in shock. Robbie's arm was ice cold. Darren wrapped his arms around Robbie and hugged him tightly. Robbie shuddered in his arms, caught in the fear of something horrid. Eventually he stopped shaking and Darren let go.

"Thanks," Robbie said. "Is it okay if I stay again?"

"Of course," Darren said.

"I'm so cold. Can I borrow a shirt?"

"Sure. Let me find one of my big ones."

Robbie smiled a little at this. Darren handed him an oversized shirt with Elmo on it. Robbie groaned as he pulled it on. It was still a little tight on him. The shirt hung off Darren when he wore it.

"You must have a really scary room," Darren ventured.

"You have no idea," Robbie answered.

"I'm going to bed," Darren said, getting in. Part of him hoped that Robbie would too. Part of him was pleased that Robbie was there again and part of him was scared of that part. Robbie slid into bed on his side. Darren turned and looked at him.

"Goodnight, sleep tight, I love you," Robbie said quickly.

"What?"

"My mom and I said that to each other every night when I lived at home," Robbie said. "I miss that."

Darren nodded. "Good night, sleep tight, I love you," he said quickly. Robbie smiled. Darren wondered if he should touch his arm, but Robbie rolled over and pulled the covers up tightly around his neck. Darren pulled the blankets around him as well and focused on the ceiling until he fell asleep, careful not to look at Robbie too much in case he should turn and catch him staring.

tbc

I need some feedback! Please write silentkid@angelfire.com