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"I need your help." Elliot whispered as Jay carefully hoisted a small bundle of firewood. Several days had passed since Marcel's big announcement, and life with the troupe had been a whirlwind of activity. The day after, they had finally broken their camp and moved on again, heading east and south.
Marcel had wanted to stay another day to let Jay recover, but Jay had insisted that they move on. Elliot could tell that the first couple of days had been hard on him. Jay would often ride in the back of the wagon. As time went on however, he began to recover his strength and started contributing again.
Since setting out again, they had already stopped in one other small town and put on a brief performance. The performances now were shorter though, and were followed by Marcel and Ida giving rousing speeches about righting the wrongs inflicted on them by the shadowy figures behind Aesir and Ragnorok. At that point, Tyr would step in, both to prove their claims and demonstrate the strength of their group. He would put on an awe-inspiring spectacle of knife and axe work that would easily seem impossible. Then finally, Marcel would submit his call to action, asking anyone of fighting age to consider taking up arms. Even though they had only been to one other town, they had already recruited almost ten more members. As crazy as it seemed, it looked like the plan was actually working.
"Need help with what?" Jay replied, shouldering his bundle with a brief wince. His wound still pained him sometimes, but not nearly as severely or as often.
"I need to know what to do with Tyr." Elliot said quietly. Even though they had both gone to collect firewood, he still didn't want to take the chance that anyone could hear them. He and Tyr had not had a chance at intimacy since their night in the inn. The things Jay had said about there being more for Elliot to do had been building in Elliot's mind ever since.
"What about him?" Jay asked, obviously not picking up on what Elliot meant.
"Well like... what should I do? You said there was more to... you know, more things I should learn."
Understanding dawned. "Oh yeah... well there's a bunch of things you could do. Have you tried sucking his dick?"
Elliot's eyes widened and he blushed at Jay's bluntness. "You mean... no, we've never done anything like that." Now that they talked about it however, Elliot remembered tasting a few drops from when Tyr had finished on his chest and face. His curiosity rekindled. "People do that?"
Jay laughed. "Of course they do. You really have got a lot to learn." Setting his bundle back down Jay leaned up against a tree. "Maybe we should start at the beginning."
By the time Jay and Elliot finally emerged from the woods, Elliot's head was spinning. When his parents had taught him about sex it had been a purely functional science lesson. The half-hour conversation with Jay had changed everything he thought he knew and set his mind to reeling. He couldn't imagine doing the kinds of things that Jay had described, and yet... as he saw Tyr helping a small group through a series of fighting motions, all of the acts that Jay had explained flooded his mind and suddenly made him feel very weak at the knees.
A strange thought struck him. He wondered if Tyr knew about all of that. It was apparent from their previous encounters that Tyr was inexperienced, but he had definitely hinted at other `activities'. Elliot wondered exactly how much Tyr knew, and how far he would care to go.
Despite Tyr's assurances, Elliot was still wary of Ida. She always seemed to keep close to him. Elliot felt guilty for still feeling jealous because he knew that it affected the way he treated Ida, even though he tried not to let it. She had always been nice to him, but Elliot still couldn't help seeing her as competition.
Plucking up his courage, Elliot made his way across the camp to where Tyr was teaching. Tyr of course noticed him approach and gave him a nod.
"Keep practicing that sequence. Remember to move your feet." Tyr instructed before turning to Elliot. "You were gone for some time. Is everything alright?"
Elliot blushed and nodded. "Can we... umm... do you have a minute to talk?" He stuttered. Jay's vivid descriptions were still racing through his mind, and now being so close to Tyr he couldn't help but include him in the imagery in his head.
Looking at him curiously, Tyr turned back to the group of would-be fighters. "That's enough. We will practice more tonight."
Many of them looked disappointed by this news. Most of the camp was enjoying this new aspect of their lives and had thrown themselves into it wholeheartedly.
"Is something wrong?" Tyr asked as they moved away for a bit of privacy.
Elliot shook his head. "No." He didn't know how to express what he was feeling. "I just," He looked around to make sure no one was watching or listening. "I want to be alone with you."
Tyr gave him a half smile and put a hand to the side of his face. "Well, we're alone now."
Shaking his head again, Elliot put his hand over Tyr's. "No, I mean like... alone with you. Like at the inn."
"Ah." Tyr let out a quiet laugh. "I would like that. Maybe we can go hunting tomorrow."
Elliot smiled at the thought. "And by hunting, you mean..."
Raising an eyebrow, Tyr slid his hand down to Elliot's shirt collar and tugged on it gently a couple of times. "You know what I mean."
Smiling coyly, Elliot leaned in for a kiss, but just before Tyr could reciprocate, he snaked his hand forward and brushed it gently across the front of Tyr's pants, feeling the soft bulge there. Immediately Elliot turned to dash away mischievously, but Tyr was too fast. He caught Elliot by the arm and easily twirled him around and pulled him back in for a long kiss.
Elliot giggled when Tyr finally let him go before checking yet again to make sure they were unobserved. "Ok. Tomorrow then."
Tyr nodded and the two of them made their way back to the clearing.
Dinner that night was a bit sparse. The area they were in was more regularly hunted than some places they had stayed. Elliot hopped as he picked at his modest helping of venison that this wasn't a sign of things to come.
Ida arrived shortly after he started eating. She had been out scoping out the town ahead to make sure it would be safe. Sitting next to Tyr with an exasperated sigh, she picked up a helping of food.
"How does it look?" Marcel asked.
Ida shook her head. "It could go either way. The people there are scared. They're under the thumb of some local warlord named Killian. Sounds like a beastly person. I think we should..."
Elliot didn't hear the rest of what Ida said. That name, `Killian' tripped something in his mind. A memory that felt like it was years old came creeping back to him. He heard a ringing in his ears.
It was the day after he first met Tyr. A junkie scavenger was picking at the bones of his family's campsite after they had been taken. Who had taken them? It was an uncommon enough name that it had stuck with him. "Killian's boys" the junkie had called them.
The image spiked through his brain like a sting from an angry hornet. His father running, then suddenly being struck from behind. Elliot could remember the look on his face as though it was frozen in time. Surprise, shock, pain, then blank nothingness.
After that he saw looming into his mind the circle of men surrounding him. They hooted and cat-called at him as their leader explained in vivid detail what they were going to do to him. He felt the dirty hands on him as if it were happening that very moment. He heard their screams of lust as the boss tore his pants down.
All this happened within a fraction of a moment, so those listening were understandably surprised when Elliot gave a soft cry and buried his face in his hands. Tyr was the first to respond, placing a comforting hand on Elliot's shoulder.
Marcel soon followed. "Is something wrong? Do you know this person?"
Tyr waved off his questions. Elliot could tell that he knew. Tyr knew why his instincts had caused such a guttural and violent reaction.
"We'll stay back." Tyr informed Marcel and Ida. "You go ahead. Send for me if it looks too dangerous."
"But..." Marcel began. Tyr was a massive draw for their movement. Without him, a significant amount of their recruiting power was gone.
"No." Elliot looked first at Tyr, then at the other two. "No." He repeated firmly. "I'll go. We'll go." He corrected, looking back to Tyr. "I want to kill him. Will you help me?"
Marcel's eyes widened in shock, but Tyr's grim face remained unchanged. He searched Elliot's eyes for a moment before giving a single nod. "If that's what you want."
"Care to explain?" Ida asked in confusion. "I assume there's a story here."
Tyr was about to dismiss the question, but Elliot spoke first. "His men killed my dad." His voice was quiet. "They tried to take my family, but Tyr saved us. We couldn't save him though." Elliot was surprised that no tears came forth as he spoke. He supposed that he had cried for his father so much already that he just had nothing left. The pain still seared inside him, but now it manifested as anger instead of sadness.
"Men like him are the antithesis of everything your new army stands for." Tyr reasoned to Marcel. "Taking him down would go a long way toward bringing the sort of recognition that we will need for this movement."
"We would be badly outnumbered." Ida pointed out. "He owns the entire region. We've got a couple dozen green recruits."
Elliot could almost see the gears turning in Marcel's head. "You are both right." He finally stated. "I think we should help these people if we can. But I think we would need to be very careful about it. We cannot start a fight that we will not win." He looked to Tyr. "Do you have a plan?"
Immediately Tyr nodded. "Go into town as the Traveling Theater. His men aren't likely to bother with a few wandering showmen."
"We have thought that way before and were proven wrong." Marcel pointed out. "Jay was nearly killed."
"That was different." Tyr insisted. "Those men were disorganized and desperate. If I know his type, Killian's men will still be brutes, but they will be organized and predictable."
"That's a big risk to take on a hunch." Ida said with a frown.
Tyr gave her a look that was almost indignant. "'Hunch' is not the word I would use. Spread your message quietly. Most of the people will be receptive to it. They will be suffering under harsh `protection' tributes and brutality and will be eager to see it change."
Marcel considered Tyr's idea for a while before nodding. "I will ask the others in the morning."
Tyr shrugged. "That is your choice. However, you are the leader here. The decision falls to you. If you're serious about building an army then it will need strong leadership."
When Marcel looked to Ida she nodded in confirmation. "He's right. The Traveling Theater was always mostly a democracy. But we can't afford to work that way anymore. Not if we're going to get anything done. There's going to be people that don't like your choices. Can you be alright with that?"
Marcel scoffed. "Darling, people have been questioning my choices since I was born. These people are my friends though. At the very least I will have to tell them that there could be danger."
"Good." Tyr asserted. "Make sure they know not to spread dissent openly. You're right back to the traveling performer act."
"Is he in this town?" Elliot asked. "Killian." He spat the name like a curse.
Ida shook her head. "No, I think he's perched in the old state capitol. Acting like he's a governor or something. He might well come out to see us if we start liberating some of his territory though."
Elliot scowled. "Good. I hope he does."
Patting him on the shoulder, Tyr gave him a serious look. "Killing a man isn't something to be taken lightly."
Frowning deeper, Elliot shrugged his shoulders. "You do it all the time. And besides, I've done it before... I think..." As he thought back on his adventures though, he began to realize that he was unsure. He knew he had hurt men before, but after some consideration, he came to the conclusion that he didn't think he had ever dealt a killing blow.
"He's a man that deserves his punishment." Tyr spoke again. "But sentencing a man is much easier than carrying out the sentence yourself."
"I can do it." Elliot declared, trying to sound more confident than he felt. Could he knowingly kill someone? During the battle he had thrown his knives into the crowd of attackers. His intent had been to harm or to kill, but somehow because it was a large crowd in the heat of the moment, and because he was only throwing his knives, it made it seem less real. He remembered the morning that his father had died. Standing with a gun in his hand and being faced with that same decision. He had chosen poorly then, and his father had died because of it. When the need arose again, would he be able to make that choice?
"Just be sure you are ready to live with the choices you make." Tyr spoke as though reading his thoughts. "And if you have to kill, even if you have to kill repeatedly, don't allow it to become something you enjoy."
Elliot was horrified at the very idea. He couldn't imagine enjoying killing someone. Then he immediately felt foolish. Only moments ago, the idea of killing the man he blamed for his father's death had sounded like something he definitely would have enjoyed. He didn't answer Tyr, he simply stared into the fire, deep in thought.
Tyr, Ida, and Marcel continued to discuss their plans for undermining the hold over the town, but Elliot didn't pay attention. He could vividly see the death of his father in his mind. Even so, he was unsure if, when the time came to test his resolve, he would be prepared. Sleep did not come easy for him that night.
As Tyr had promised, the two of them went hunting together the next day. Marcel had decided to wait until later in the afternoon to head into the new town. That gave people less chance to get used to them being there before they put on a show and hopefully won a few of them over.
"Keep your wrist aligned with your elbow." Tyr instructed as Elliot practiced the motion with one of Tyr's axes. "If you snap your wrist forward, the blade will drop too quickly."
They had seen several rabbits and a deer but so far Elliot had managed to miss all of them. When Tyr had told him they would go hunting, Elliot had not expected them to actually do a lot of hunting. But Tyr had insisted that business come first, and further insisted that Elliot be the one to do it.
Getting into their third hour, Elliot was beginning to become frustrated. He knew that Tyr was trying to teach him valuable skills, but all he could think about was the conversation he'd had with Jay the day before. There were so many new opportunities that he didn't want to wait.
"Focus." Tyr commanded gently, noticing Elliot's distraction. He demonstrated the motion once more with the other axe before leading Elliot deeper into the woods.
"Wait!" Tyr whispered intensely. He slowly raised his arm to point up ahead. Elliot looked and saw nothing at first, just the browns and greens of the forest. Then a patch of brown moved, and Elliot saw that it was in fact a decent-sized buck that had blended right in to the forest around it.
Tyr put a finger to his lips and motioned for Elliot to follow. Even after all this time Elliot was amazed at how quietly Tyr could move in the forest. He tried his best to mimic the motions, but still felt like he was making too much noise. Tyr stopped him behind a large tree that was a bit closer to the animal.
Peering around the tree, Elliot saw that it was a difficult throw to make. The distance was greater than what he had done in the past, and it involved threading between two trees that were fairly close together. He looked up at Tyr doubtfully.
Wordlessly, Tyr mimed the motion of throwing the axe. "Find your target. Measure your angle."
Elliot sucked in a deep breath and cocked his arm back. He angled his shoulders the way Tyr had showed him and found the patch of brown fur that was all that was visible of his target. Just before he released his throw something caught his eye that he hadn't noticed before. A low hanging branch dangled across his path and he had overlooked it entirely. Biting his lip, he tried to do the calculations in his mind. He adjusted his position once. Twice. Checked the target again. Then with force like a spring he uncoiled his body and sent the weapon sailing towards the animal.
The light axe arced end over end up and away from Elliot's hand. The haft just barely cleared the low hanging branch before slipping neatly between the two tree trunks. Elliot heard a soft thud and some kind of squeal. Then frantic hoofbeats racing away.
"A hit!" Tyr declared, then took off at a run. Elliot barely had time to be elated, he darted after Tyr to stalk their prey.
Elliot was of two minds as they followed the trail of blood into the woods. He was proud of himself for finally landing what was beginning to look like a killing blow. However, he also couldn't help feeling bad for the poor animal, now hurt and scared and fighting for its life.
"It's the way of the world." Tyr had told him once before when he had expressed his reservations. "If we don't hunt, we don't eat."
The fact that Elliot understood the sentiment didn't always help him to feel alright about it. This train of thought inevitably led him back to their conversation the night before. If he was so affected by the killing of a deer, how much more so would he have to steel himself to kill a person, even one that deserved it.
"There!" Tyr drew him out of his thought and pointed. The animal was down. The axe was imbedded solidly in its right flank, making escape impossible. It groaned weakly as Tyr approached.
"Be still now." Tyr spoke softly to the dying animal. He pulled out one of his longer knives and took firm hold of the buck's antlers. He handed the blade to Elliot. "Finish it."
Elliot took the knife and looked down at the wounded beast in forlorn bewilderment. He didn't know what he had expected, but he certainly hadn't wanted to have to cut the deer's throat while it was still alive. "I... I can't..." His voice cracked with emotion.
With one hand, Tyr reached over and closed Elliot's hand tightly around the hilt of the knife. "This is what it means to take a life." He said seriously, looking Elliot in the eye. "You made the throw, but now you need to finish what you started. You can't take it back"
Tyr brought Elliot's hand with him as he positioned the knife at the animal's throat. Elliot shut his eyes, but Tyr squeezed his hand gently. "You can't hide from it, Elliot." Reluctantly, Elliot opened his eyes and looked down at the dying animal. Tyr applied force around Elliot's hand and drew the blade across the deer's throat. Blood began to pour out and Elliot pulled his hand back and turned away.
"I am proud of you." Tyr told him quietly. Elliot felt tears on his cheeks.
Suddenly Tyr was beside him, placing a heavy hand on Elliot's shoulder. "It becomes easier." Tyr said gravely. "But it should never become too easy."
Elliot felt himself shivering despite the fair temperature of the woods. He hugged Tyr tightly and forced his tears back.