Alex and Sebastian 26
Hello guys, sorry about the delay. Work is a bitch, lol. Anyways, here's the next chapter. Hope ya'll enjoy! Also, letting y'all know that something "big" is coming up in the next chapter. So be on the lookout ;).
Anyways, please continue to email me so I know someone is reading and liking what I'm writing. I also have a playlist of songs that I listen to while writing the chapters if ya'll are interested.
Another thing! Fellow reader made a playlist with most of the songs I've either used or will use in the series. If y'all want to listen to it while reading the chapters the link for it is this:
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"Is that what you want? Really?" I asked, smile on my face.
"Yes!" Jay laughed. "It'll be fun. Promise!"
I thought about Jay's offer. It couldn't hurt, really. "Fine. What did you have in mind?"
Jay's smile grew bigger. "Yes! Ok. Well, I was thinking we could do, like, a mashup?"
"A mashup?" I asked.
"Yeah!" He leaned in closer. "It's like combining two songs and making something even better."
"Yeah," I laughed, "I know what a mashup is, dude."
"Awesome! So you're in, right?"
"Yeah, I'm in, Jay." Something popped up in the back of my mind. "Just – just know that I'm a little rusty."
"Yeah, I know, Alex. It's cool. We can practice a little at my apartment."
Jay and I continued to talk about other things during our lunch at Denny's. It might have been a rough couple of months, but I was finally feeling better. Like, genuinely better. Jay was a big help and I appreciated him for it. Being with him, I was able to forget all the shit that had gone down two months ago. Sure, it still hurt once in a while but on the most part, I could breathe a little better.
"So, tell me again why you wanted to do this, Jay?"
"I told you. I wanted to see what you and I could come up with. I wanted to see what kind of mashup we could make."
"Right." I smiled.
"It has nothing to do with it being for a grade for my music class," he laughed.
"Ha-ha. Right! Of course not!"'
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Jay and I had decided to meet up at his apartment a day after our lunch to go over what we wanted to play. I showed up at his door at around 6PM and he invited me in.
"You want a beer, A?" He said.
"Uh, sure." He handed me a can from his fridge. "Thanks, Jay."
Jay came back to the living room and sat on the couch next to me as we went over ideas for his project. Both of us went back and forth trying to decide what two songs could go well together but, after about an hour of this, we still couldn't decide on anything.
"Maybe we're going about this all wrong, Alex."
I looked over at Jay. "What do you mean, man?"
"Well," he leaned in closer to me. "So far, we've been pitching songs that are just, you know, popular – mainstream."
I nodded. "Ok, you're right. What do you suggest then?"
"Well, what about if we try songs that mean something to both of us, you know?"
I tried to understand Jay's reasoning. "OK?" I said, "What do you mean?"
"Well, remember when I said a mashup was combining two songs and creating something that can stand on its own – something even better?"
I nodded, "Right."
"Ok. Well, what if you and I pick two of our favorite songs – the two that actually mean something to us. See where that gets us."
"In other words," I asked skeptically. "You think that our two songs would match perfectly?"
"Not perfectly," he admitted. "But it could definitely be surprising to see how they do." He seemed to be thinking for a minute before adding, "The point of this project is just to open our eyes to how everything connects. It would be pretty neat to see how we connect, Alex."
I smiled back at Jay, "Yeah, guess so."
"Ok, well how about you play something for me then, A. I have an extra guitar somewhere in my room."
I blinked, realizing something. "Oh, I – I actually haven't played my guitar in a while."
"You haven't?" He asked.
"No." I shrugged. "I just – it doesn't feel right, you know? Not yet."
Jay looked at me and, in his eyes, I could see that he understood what I was trying to say. "Ok," he said. "Then, play something else - anything you want, Alex."
I shrugged and flexed my fingers. "I don't know if I can, Jay. I'm so out of practice."
Jay gave me a sad smile. "It's okay. I'll play the keyboard for you, then. Sing whatever you want and I'll follow you."
I looked at Jay. Here he was – a genuinely good guy who cared about me. I cared about him, too, I just didn't know in what way, though. Or maybe I did but I just couldn't allow myself to think like that right now. Yes, I was doing better. Yes, I was feeling fine. I just didn't know if I'd be able to handle being wrong about another person.
"Ok." I said. "Give me a second." I reached for my phone and found the lyrics to Luke Bryant's I Don't Know If I Can Do That. I gave Jay a small nod, sat up straight and began to sing.
"I'm not supposed to want to love you no more.
No more cards and flowers - no more knocks on your door.
Just forget the perfect love that we had.
But I don't know if I can do that."
It took Jay a few seconds to find my key but, when he did, he joined me with his piano. As I sang, I watched his fingers move through his keyboard so effortlessly. I looked up at him and we made eye contact. He smiled and nodded for me to keep going.
"I was so certain, baby, you were the one.
That this was it and all my searching was done.
I should admit you don't get used to the facts.
But I don't know if I can do that.
I don't know if I can do that."
I looked around Jay's apartment. As I did, I thought about Sebastian and how tightly I had been hanging on to his memory. Even now, I could feel a part of me undoubtedly waiting for him. A funny thing was though, it didn't hurt like it used to. I could feel myself slowly letting him go. Yeah, that sucked but it was also so ... relieving – like a weight was being lifted from my chest.
"I don't know how I'll ever let you go.
Since you walked out there's so much I don't know."
What had happened that night that made Sebastian change his mind so drastically – so completely? I didn't know. Maybe I never would. What I did know was that he was gone. He was gone and I had to move on ... and maybe that was OK.
"The things I'm feeling they just won't go away.
I see you out and I don't know what to say.
My friends all tell me that I ought to be glad.
But I don't know if I can do that.
I don't know if I can do that."
My eyes traveled back to Jay. I gave him a small smile. I noticed that, despite the meaning of the song and the feelings I was putting behind them, there were no tears in my eyes. I was done crying. I went into this song believing that I wouldn't be able to ever get over Sebastian. Now? Now I knew that maybe I could.
Jay and I made eye contact again and I gave him a real smile now. I realized that I allowed myself to notice how attractive he was. Not physically – Ok, yes, physically – but also in his personality. He was a ... warm, caring person. I guess I was so hung up on Sebastian that I hadn't allowed myself to see that. Now that I did, I realized its significance. It meant I was actually moving on from Sebastian. It had felt like a long, difficult road but I was slowly getting there.
"Someday somebody will really love me.
And they'll be everything I thought you would be.
And all I'll want to do is love them back.
But I don't know if I can do that.
I don't know if I can do that."
As I finished the song, I looked up at Jay playing the keyboard. Maybe I could allow myself to fall for someone again. Maybe I could fall for someone who would fall for me, too.
I met Jay's eyes and gave him another smile. "OK. I'm ready," I said.