Alex and Sebastian 44
Hello again guys, this is the final season for Alex and Sebastian. I hope you guys enjoy!
Anyways, please continue to email me so I know someone is reading and liking what I'm writing. I also have a playlist of songs that I listen to while writing the chapters if y'all are interested.
A fellow reader made a playlist with most of the songs I've either used or will use in the series. If y'all want to listen to it while reading the chapters the link for it is this:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJZWEUrY9KRSfQ98rYlMYix46VM0CJ7XS
One new song will be added on to the playlist.
Last Kiss – Taylor Swift
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Flashback – Fall 2021
It was a big city.
"So where exactly are we driving to, Michele?" Ralf's voice asked from my cellphone.
Michele grabbed my phone and placed it in front of her. "It should be a few more miles east." She looked around at the street signs as I continued to drive.
"GPS says it's only ten more minutes," I said.
Michele had called me a few weeks ago telling me she was moving from Houston to Austin for her new job. She was extremely excited for the move but she needed help moving all of her stuff – that's where Ralf and I came in. Although I could have done this by myself, I had wanted Ralf's company.
"There it is." Michele pointed at some two story apartments a few blocks ahead.
"Let me guess," Ralf's voice came from my phone again. "You're on the second floor, right?"
I glanced at Michele, hoping to hear her correct him. "Sorry, guys," she said.
We spent the rest of our day hauling all of my sister's stuff up to her apartment. By the end of it, Ralf and I were exhausted.
"Thank you so much, guys. Really." Lea hugged me and then went for Ralf. "I couldn't have done it without y'all."
"Don't mention it, Mich," Ralf said as he wiped sweat from his brow. "Anything for a friend."
I smiled at Ralf and looked over at my sister. "Well, Mich, we should probably go shower and head off to bed if we want to leave early tomorrow," I said.
"What?" Michele looked at me and Ralf with surprise. "You guys can't leave yet. Let me treat you out tonight." Before I could protest, she continued. "Come on guys. It's the least I can do for helping me out."
"Mich, we really should get to bed," I said again, not wanting to spend too much time in this town.
Michele looked away from me and at Ralf. "Ralf, come on. Can you honestly tell me that my brother doesn't need a night off?"
Ralf looked at me and I saw a weird look in his eyes. "It's true, Sebbie. You do need a night off."
Before I could protest again, Michele interrupted. "There! It's settled. You boys go shower first while I look for something to wear in one of these boxes."
"But Michele, we don't even have a change of clothes to go out in," I pointed out.
"Actually," I heard Ralf say from behind me.
"Actually what?" I asked.
"Actually, I did bring a change of clothes ... for both of us," Ralf said with his trademark shit-eating grin.
"You – you went into my house to get a change of clothes?" I asked, incredulous.
"Well, Lea and I did, yeah," he said with a grin.
"You don't have an excuse, Seb," Michele said with a sly little smile.
That's when it hit me. "You guys planned this didn't you?" I asked.
Their smile told me everything I needed to know.
"We thought you needed some time to just relax. Even Lily can tell you're stressed out all the time and she's five," Michele said. All of a sudden, Lea immediately volunteering to babysit Lily for the weekend made sense. They had all planned it.
I couldn't blame them, really. For the past few months (years?), I had allowed myself to be swallowed up with school and work. Granted, I had dropped out of school almost a year ago, but still, I wasn't the same guy I used to be.
It was over – I had lost. "Fine," I said with a sigh. "It's not like I have a say in this, do I?"
An hour later, we were showered and ready to go out. Michele had decided on a bar on 6th street, one of Austin's most popular locations. We drove there in Michele's car and went inside.
"Just let loose tonight, Seb," Michele encouraged. "You deserve it."
"Yeah, man," Ralf added. "You've been a single dad for the past four, five years. Lily's back at home with Lea. Just let loose for a bit – relax."
"Fine," I rolled my eyes but gave Ralf a smile. "I'll let loose."
One of the main reasons I had wanted Ralf to help me out was because he was always so light-hearted. I was really grateful for him and I becoming so close in the past five years. There were times where it was really just him and Lea that kept me from going crazy during my time as a single dad. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter more than anything in the world. It was just hard at times juggling being a single dad so it was great having friends like them to help me relax at times.
Another reason I was glad to have him here was because I didn't want to run into anyone I might now by myself. With Ralf here, I'd at least have someone to distract me from thoughts like that.
Letting loose was a lot easier once I had a few drinks and shots inside me, to be honest. By the fourth shot, I was smiling and dancing with my sister and Ralf.
"Let me just get us some more drinks – on me this time," I told Michelle and Ralf when our beers were running low.
Before either of them could protest, I walked off the dance floor and headed to the bar. It took a while to get the bartender's attention but, after a few minutes, I was able to get some drinks for all three of us.
"Oh, sorry," I said as I turned around and accidently hit someone.
"Hey, no problem, man."
I looked at the guy's face and, in my inebriated state, it took me a while to recognize him. "Wait. Jay?"
Jay looked at me for a second with a confused look. "Sebastian?" He said after a second or two. "Sebastian! What are you doing here man?" Jay smiled and went in for a hug.
Surprised, I wasn't able to return the hug and instead just stood there awkwardly.
"What are you doing here, man?" He asked again.
"I – I was helping my sister move into her new apartment here in town."
"Michele? She's moving here? That's awesome!" Jay ran his fingers through his hair and took a drink from his beer. The light of the bar hit something in Jay's hand and caught my attention.
"Is – is that?" I said, pointing to his right hand.
"What?" Jay looked confused. "Oh, this?" He said showing me his right hand. A small smile spread across his face. "Yeah, we – we're engaged."
"We?" I asked, feeling some blood draining from my face.
"Alex and I. He's here if you want to say hi to him," he said, softer now. His head turned to the right and I followed it. I saw the back of what I knew to be Alex talking to a guy I didn't recognize. From what I could see, he looked taller – his hair a little longer, shaggier.
"No," I said, almost too quickly. "No," I repeated, quieter now. "It's fine. I'd rather not."
I was about to walk off when Jay took a hold of my shoulder. "He misses you, you know?"
My eyes met his, "No, he doesn't."
"Yes," he repeated. "He does. He won't admit it, but he does. Maybe – maybe you guys should talk?"
I shook my head. "Nah, that won't do us any good now."
Jay studied my face for another second. "You still care about him don't you?"
I looked surprised at his question. "Jay, it's been five years."
"Yeah, five years," he agreed, not accusingly, just compassionately, "Are you – are you sure you don't want to at least say hello?"
I thought about it. I really did – but what good would come talking to him now? It had been five years since I had last seen him. Now he was engaged to the guy he picked over me. I didn't realize how much I had missed him up until I realized it was never going to be the same between us again.
"No, really," I said. "I don't want to."
Jay's eyes filled with sympathy. "Okay, Sebastian."
"Could you – could you not tell him you saw me, though?"
Jay looked at me for a second before agreeing. "Yeah, okay."
I nodded at him and began to walk away before he grabbed my shoulder one more time. "Sebastian," he said. "I'm sorry for the way things turned out. I – I hope you're doing fine."
I nodded at him one more time, afraid words might betray me. Like that, I walked back to Ralf and Michele with drinks in hand. I noticed that Michele was talking to some girls while Ralf sipped his almost empty beer.
"More drinks, Seb?" Michele asked, turning away from her friends.
I laughed at her question, "Of course more drinks! Night's barely starting."
For the next two hours, I allowed myself to drink much more than I've drank in the past five years. It wasn't up until my last shot that I realized that maybe I shouldn't have drank as much. Luckily, Ralf took pity on my inebriated self and offered to take me home.
"Don't worry about it," Michele assured us. "I'll get a ride home with one of my friends." She looked at me dangling off of Ralf's right shoulder, "Did you at least have a good time, Seb?" I gave Michele the fakest smile I could muster. Luckily, she bought it and didn't push the subject.
All the ride back to the apartment, I couldn't help myself from picturing the ring on Jay's finger.
The worst thing was that I couldn't stop myself from thinking about one thing: that should be me.
Getting off the car was easy, walking up to my sister's apartment on the second floor was a bitch. To be fair, Ralf was the one that had to carry me most of the way up.
Walking into the apartment, I tripped and almost fell flat on my face. Luckily, Ralf managed to grab me and pull me around into him. He let out a small grunt as my chest hit his body. I pulled my head away from him and looked at him. Slowly, I leaned in and kissed him.
I still remember the look on your face.
Lift through the darkness at 1:58.
The words that you whispered for just us to know.
You told me you loved me so why did you go away?
"Seb, you're drunk." He said after a few seconds.
"Yeah, I am." I leaned my head into his shoulder and nibbled on his neck.
Ralf let out a deep sigh and tried to push me off again. "Seb, man, you're really not thinking clearly."
I pulled off his neck and met his eyes. "I really don't care, Ralf." Before he could protest, I kissed him again and pulled his shirt up. Ralf gave a few more weak attempts at pushing me off. This only encouraged me to kiss him harder. Before long, he caved and pulled my shirt off, too.
I bit at his lower lip as my hands gripped his back. Our bodies were burning hot to the touch as our chests rubbed against each other's. Ralf pushed me on my back and I landed on Michele's couch. Like a tiger jumping on its prey, Ralf threw himself at me and began kissing my chest. My breath increased its speed as he moved his mouth from the center of my chest and began licking my nipples. I closed my eyes and arched my back when I felt him nibble on one and move to the other.
"Jesus Christ, Ralf," I breathed out.
I heard a small chuckle escape him as he continued licking my torso. After a while, I felt him move back up my body and place his lips on my own. As we kissed again, I felt his hand reach down and grope me. The sensation was amazing. Feeling Ralf's hands on me as he kissed me set my body on fire. It reminded me of back when I felt something similar with Alex.
I do recall now, the smell of the rain.
Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane.
That July 9th – the beat of your heart.
It jumps through your shirt – I can still feel your arms.
Alex, the guy who had cared so much for me up until I fucked it up.
Alex, the guy whose heart I broke and, in breaking his, I broke mine, too.
Alex, the guy who was engaged to Jay.
"Wait," I said, my thoughts racing. "Wait, wait," I pushed Ralf off as the feeling that I was doing something I wasn't supposed to became overwhelming.
Ralf pulled back, a curious look on his face.
"I'm sorry, Ralf. I – I can't do this," I said, trying to catch my breath.
Ralf let out a small sigh. "It's okay, Seb." Ralf sat up and ran his fingers through his hair.
I do remember the swing in your step.
The life of the party – you're showing off again.
And I roll my eyes and then you pull me in.
I'm not much for dancing but for you I did.
I stood up from the couch, located my shirt, and tried to put it on. Because I was still drunk, I was unable to figure out which shirt hole went where. I got frustrated and threw it across the room before letting myself fall back to sit on the couch.
"Hey, man." Ralf shot up and sat next to me. "Are you okay? What's going on?"
I could have lied to him. I could have said it was nothing. I could have done or said a countless number of things to avoid talking about it. Instead, I gave a deep sigh and let myself fall back on the couch.
"What's wrong, man?" Ralf asked one more time.
Because I love your handshake – meeting my father.
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets.
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something.
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions.
"Of all the stupid places in this stupid fucking town." I didn't bother getting up; I just looked at Ralf sitting up next to me. "I ran into Jay, tonight."
"Wait," Ralf said. "Jay, Jay?"
"Yes," I said. "Jay, Jay."
"Did you – was Alex there, too?" I nodded. "Did you talk to him?"
"No," I said. "The most I would have been able to give him would have been a fake smile and dead eyes. I wouldn't have even been able to congratulate him on his engagement."
"His – oh," I heard Ralf say.
"Yeah," I gave a small laugh. "Oh."
So, I watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep.
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe.
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are.
Hope it's nice where you are.
We were quiet for a few minutes listening to the sound of each other's breathing and the ticking of the clock on the wall.
"You really had it bad, huh?" He asked.
I turned my head to look up at him and gave him a small smile. "What am I supposed to do when the best part of my life was spent with him?"
Ralf lied on his side next to me and looked up at the ceiling. "I don't know, buddy," he sighed. "I guess you just have to wait for the next person that can make you feel like that to come around."
"Yeah," I sighed. "It's just that I keep waiting for it to happen. And waiting. And waiting. I'm really getting tired of waiting."
"I know you're tired, Bas, but you just have to wait a little while longer. You can't just skip forward to where you think you want to be."
"I never wanted that, though. I mean, yes, it'd be nice to just skip all the heartbreak and get to the good part," I sighed. "I guess I just thought that maybe, someday, he would have changed his mind and come back. But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed. Forever," I shrugged. "The one thing I would never have done ... he did."
And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day.
And something reminds you – you wished you had stayed.
You can plan for a change in the weather and time.
But I never planned on you changing your mind.
"It's scary, buddy. It is. But you can't just go back to the past because it's familiar or because you miss it. It's tempting, I know, but you can't live like that." I listened to the sound of Ralf's voice as he continued to speak. "You've come a long way, you know? You've been through hell and back these past years but never, not once, did you give up on you or your daughter. You got both of you through it. I don't think this is the ending of something, Bas. I think it's the start of it."
So, I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes.
All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss.
I remained silent as I thought about what Ralf had just said. "You really mean that?" I asked.
"I do. In the meantime, I'll be there to cheer you up, Sea Bass."
A small smile crept up on me – a genuine one. "Thanks, man."
Never thought we'd have our last kiss.
Never imagined we'd end like this.
Your name – forever the name on my lips.
Just like our last kiss.
I was wrong.
This city wasn't as big as I thought it was.