Author's Note: Despite the numerous ripoffs from both "Alice In Wonderland" and other children's stories, this tale is decidedly NOT for children, as it involves adult/sexual situations. So, if you're under the legal age, please stop reading right here.
This part of the story also contains drug use by one of the characters. This by no means shows that the author condones such practices. It is only included because it is suggested by the original Lewis Carroll story.
I hope no one finds the Tea Party part annoying. I thought it would be fun to do it that way since it sort of carried over a "theme" from the rest of the chapter. I was trying to be more subtle like many had said, but I didn't think anyone would get it if I didn't describe what the trio looked like...
Disclaimer: This story is based on (of course) the Lewis Carroll children's classic, "Alice in Wonderland," however it does include bits from other stories - most notably in this part, "The Cat in the Hat." This work is purely fictional and is by no means meant to infringe on any copyrights. All references are meant in the sincerest form of flattery. I love the stuff, that's why I'm putting them in here.
Thanks of course go to all the authors I've borrowed from. And to all the authors on FictionMania, Sapphire's Place and the various other TG sites all over the web for building up my courage to submit (much less write) this story.
Al(ice)'s Adventures in Wonderland by MAD Mike
"How puzzling all these changes are. I'm never sure what I'm going to be from one minute to another." -- Alice
Chapter 2: The Caterpillar, the Cat, and the Tea Party
I still couldn't believe I was actually doing this. I was really starting to dislike that stupid cat. It shed all over, was constantly using all my furniture for scratching posts, and never even really did anything but lay around wasting space. And here I was, stuck in some weird "acid flashback" dreamland as a GIRL for cryin' out loud, looking for the blasted thing.
"If I ever get out of here, Dottie," I muttered to my absent girlfriend. "We're gonna have to talk about this..."
"Hey, babe, who ya talkin' too?"
That snapped me back to reality -- well, whatever passed for reality in this place anyway. I looked around to see where the voice had come from but didn't see anything but a bunch of mushrooms around the base of one really large mushroom growing by the side of the road.
"Yo, up here," the voice, sounding like a stoned surfer more than anything, called to me from above. Whatever was talking to me, it sounded like he was stoned out of his mind.
Taking a step back, I looked up at the large mushroom to see this huge caterpillar sitting up there with this spaced-out grin on his face and what looked like a crack pipe in one of his hands. "Whoa, a total hottie," he said, not doing anything at all to make me feel any better about the situation. "Who're you, dudette?"
"Well, for one thing, I'm not a 'dudette' no matter what I look like right now," I told him. "And for another, I don't think it's any of your business."
"Whoa, chill, Jill," he laughed, holding up another of his hands. "Didn't mean nuthin' by it. You should try one'a these 'shrooms an' relax." He added, gesturing with yet another arm toward the smaller mushrooms all around.
"No, thanks," I sighed, getting a little tired of this already. "This trip is bad enough already without that stuff."
"'Scool," he shrugged, taking another drag on the pipe. "Know what ya mean 'bout 'bad trips.'"
I had just turned to go when he called out again. "Yo, dude! Ya said you're not a dudette? Might be able ta help ya if ya want."
That caught my attention right away. I really wanted to get back to being a guy again, but could I really trust a caterpillar high on -- well, whatever that was he was smoking? "How?" I asked him, turning back around.
"Ya know, dude," the caterpillar laughed again, shaking his head. "For a dudette that's not a dudette, you sure move like one."
I hadn't really thought about it until then, but I realized he was right. Whatever that old man in the bathrobe did to me, I was standing like a woman. Hand on one hip, weight shifted to one side. Mad at myself for doing that, I shifted to a more masculine stance, arms folded across my chest, a glare on my face.
"Didn't work, dude," the caterpillar laughed again, shaking his head. "Ya want my help, or not?"
I sighed again, knowing I'd have to play along with him if I was gonna find out what he was talking about. "OK, OK," I said, shaking my head. "How can you help me?"
"Easy," he shrugged again, taking another drag. "Just eat a piece'a this mushroom here. One side'll make ya big, one side'll make ya small. Only trouble is, I can never remember which side's which..."
"But I don't want to be bigger or smaller," I complained. "I just want to be a guy again!"
The caterpillar looked at me strange again (of course it could've just been what he was smoking), then shrugged. "Well, could be sumthin' for that here too. Never tried it, myself."
I still wasn't all that sure about this, but figured it was worth a shot. Reaching up, I took a piece of the mushroom, only hesitating because I didn't know which side did what.
Well, here goes nothing, I thought, taking a bite. Almost instantly, I felt a tingling sensation sweep over my body. When it passed, I looked down at myself and knew right away I'd picked the wrong side.
I definitely wasn't a guy. Instead of getting smaller (and vanishing, I had hoped), my breasts had grown bigger! Under the stress, the buttons on the front of my dress had popped off, exposing my now DD-cup (I guessed) breasts. But that wasn't the only change. Part of me had actually gotten smaller, namely my waist. Though with my now wider hips and longer legs, I figured I had more the figure of a hooker or a stripper than anything.
"What the hell?" I said, in frustration. Even my voice was different, softer, sultrier, sexier. Definitely something I didn't want to hear.
"Got the wrong side, dude," the caterpillar said, stating the obvious. "Maybe you should try this side." He added pointing to the opposite side.
I definitely didn't want to go around in a body like this, so I tried a piece from that side. There was another tingle, and my chest flattened out like I'd hoped it would. But I still wasn't quite right.
Everything had grown a lot taller suddenly. Looking down at myself, I found my dress was back together but the style had changed a lot. It was more like something a little girl would wear!
"Nope, 'snot right neither," a voice I thought I recognized called down to me. Looking up again, I saw this really creepy caterpillar thing looking down at me, like it was gonna eat me!
Intellectually, I knew the Caterpillar wasn't a monster or anything, but this new body of mine didn't want any part of it. I could feel my eyes go wide, and I did what any little girl would do when faced with a hideous monster about to eat her... Let out a high-pitched shriek and ran!
I don't know how long I ran like that, I just hoped I'd lost that creepy monster. When I slowed to look around, though, I knew I had another problem. I was lost and alone in a forest almost as scary as that caterpillar.
It was a whole new experience for me there. As a boy, I'd never been really terrified of anything. But there in that forest, with all those strange noises made by who-knows-what monsters just waiting to jump out of the shadows at me, I felt that fear. It was all I could do to not cower behind a tree.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when a voice purred to me from above, "You alright, honey?"
"Wh-who are you?" I asked with a sniffle, looking up at where the voice came from. All I could see was this big grin. There was something almost comforting about it.
"A friend," the voice said. Then a form dropped out of the tree, landing a couple feet away. "You don't have to worry about me. A friend of yours told me you might be coming this way, so I said I'd keep an eye out for you."
I watched in surprise as the form stood first on four feet, then stretched out very felinely into a human form. "You're a cat?" I asked her. Obviously, that's what it -- no, she was. She stood almost as tall as I had when this all started, and was covered in striped fur, from the tips of her ears to the tip of her tail.
"You got it, honey," she purred, still with that silly grin, brushing a tear off my cheek. "The Cheshire Cat, actually. Now, don't you worry about these woods. I'll be keeping an eye out for you. OK?"
"But, I don't know where to go," I said, feeling a little more confident, but not fully. "I'm lost!"
"Well, that depends on just where you want to go," she asked as right before my eyes she slowly vanished.
"Uh, I --" I stammered, not so sure about the whole thing any more. "I don't know. Away from here."
"Then you're sure to get there, if you only walk far enough," she said, fading into view again.
"But which way do I go?" I asked, getting frustrated again. "Is there anyone else around here?"
"Certainly there is," she laughed. "That way, there's a Hatter," pointing to the left with her right hand. "That way, there's a March Hare," pointing to the right with her left. "But you should be careful around either one. They're both mad, you see." With that, she faded out again.
"Isn't everyone around here?" I said to myself, but perhaps a little too loudly.
"Hey, now, that's my line," the Cat said, her head flickering back into view with a strange mix of a frown and that grin on her face.
"Sorry," I said a little sheepishly.
"'Salright," she said, just before fading out completely once more.
Which left me with another choice. The Hatter or the Hare?
So, I looked to the left. Then I looked to the right. And I stood there and thought, Thought with all of my might.
Which way should I go? What now should I do? I wished that the cat were More help to me, too.
Then, I said with a shrug, As I turned with a sigh, "Whether Hatter or Hare, They can't be madder than I."
So I went to the right, Though left was as fair. I took a few steps, And was suddenly there.
A table was set, Around back of the house. And there was the Hatter, The Hare and a Mouse!
The Hatter looked up, And said felinely, "Alice, why don't you join us For afternoon tea? You see, it's more fun With four than with three."
I looked at each one, And I thought it was funny, For them all to wear furs On a day that was sunny.
But then I saw further, That quite unlike me, None of them were human Like I thought one might be.
The Hatter was a cat, His hat red and white. While the others there with him Were more of a sight.
They looked like two animals Like they were supposed to do, But each wore a badge that read, "Thing One" and "Thing Two."
"We know of your quest, Searching high, Searching low. For the cat your girlfriend loves, And rightfully so."
"You've seen the damn cat?" I asked then, unsurprised. "She's been right this way," Said the Mouse with fear in his eyes.
"Yes, she has," said the Hatter, with a nod to his friend. "But first, you must rest, 'Fore you go 'round the bend." I should have told him, "I just want this madness to end.
But some part of my mind That was still little girl Said, "Sure, sounds like fun. I'll give it a whirl."
And so, there I sat, Next to the Hatter and Hare, And sipped at the tea Feeling odd being there.
After all, one day hence, I had been a guy. Now in a land of Wonder, I wanted to cry.
I'd become a bimbo, A stripper, a girl. It all happened so quickly, I felt like I'd hurl.
To go home, to my bed, Was all that I wanted. Not to sit here with these three. Not to sit and be taunted.
I wished I could run, I wished I could flee. But the girl wouldn't have it, Not one bit, you see.
She wanted to play. She loved to have tea. And now with some real friends, She just would not leave.
So all I could do Was sit there and stew, And wait 'til this stupid Tea party was through.
"And now, the time has come, I believe," said the Hatter, "To bring here some closure, An end to this matter."
"Hear, hear!" I said, "Can I be rid of this form? I'm a guy after all, This just isn't the norm."
"From a girl to a guy," said the Hare, "stands to reason, Takes a sip of this tea. Its taste is quite pleasin'."
He poured me a cup of Some strange other tea. He poured for himself, And the rest of us three. "Now just drink it down, And soon you shall see."
I gave him a look, For I'd heard that before. >From rabbit, from wizard, >From creatures galore. Now, he wants me to trust him? How do I know what's in store?
Then I realized I'd not much >From which to choose. I wanted to be male. This form gave me the blues.
So, I decided right there, I made my mind up. I set my mind to it, And picked up the cup.
One little sip Was all it would take, And I'd be a man Instead of a . . . "Wait!"
I stopped dead right there, The cup in one hand. "Do You really want this?" the girl did demand.
"Sure being a guy Is all that you know. But being a girl isn't bad By maybe half, or so.
"Just give it a try. It's all that I ask. Then, maybe you won't want to, At the end of this task."
I gave it a thought, And then thought some more. And the hope in the girl's part Of my mind started to soar.
"I'll give it a try," I told her. "We'll see. And after it's through, What will be, then will be."
"No regrets will you have," the girl's voice said to me. "And you'll stay a girl then, What fun THAT will be!"
"Can you make me some older?" I asked of them there. "We can but try," Replied the March Hare.
Then the trio did start To mix up a new batch. For this tea, it would seem, Must be made there, from scratch.
Once finished, they turned To me with good cheer. "This'll do it," the Hatter said, With a grin, ear to ear.
I still wasn't sure If trust them I should. But little choice did I have, Sitting there in that wood.
So, drink it I did, And then gave a shiver, As a tingle went through me, Right down to my liver.
When that was all done, I looked over my bod. And found that I had now A form not so odd.
The breasts were quite pert. The waist was quite thin. To say I was ugly, Was surely a sin.
I may just get used to This new form of mine. But deep down, I knew THAT Would surely take time.
With that, I then stood, And said good-bye to my friends. But the Mouse said, "You'll see us again. We've got another scene Before this tale ends."
Now, that was a prospect I didn't want to think of. For all of this rhyming I held no great love.
They pointed the way To get out of this wood. So away, then, I got, While the getting was good.
(To be continued...)