Here is the latest installment of my story. This completes the first half and I plan on writing the second half which deals with thier relationship as adults. I hope its possible to keep it together with the first half which is listed in Highschool.
J.C.
This is a complete work of fiction. Any similarity to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. This story is copywrited and sole property of the author. And may not be reproduced without the express consent of the author
Hello again gentle reader. Thank you for being so patient with me. This chapter was a tough one to write. Every time I sat down to punch out a few paragraphs it seemed like my mind would shut down. I couldn't hold my attention and get the feel of the characters. This to me implies that they weren't ready for things to go the way I had envisioned them. After much soul searching and many arguments with myself this is what decided to come out. So if you hate it don't blame me, blame the voices in my head. I hope you enjoy the insistent gibberish of my skewed mind.
You may contact me at writerscramp71@yahoo.com
All that day I couldn't help but replay the morning's conversation over and over again in my mind. I had pretty much bet everything on the way Jay felt for me, and I wasn't even sure he still loved me. Those hours of not knowing were probably the most tortuous of my life. I wanted the day to be over so I could finally know for sure where I stood. But a part of me languished with every passing minute. I feared the outcome which I was sure would be the end of us. I was barely aware of anyone else around me. I hadn't seen Jay once since I dropped him off. Strangely though I did see Billy a few times in between classes; he refused to look me in the eyes. I didn't know if this was a good sign or not. In the back of my mind a gnawing feeling of dread was building totally out of my control. By the time football practice rolled around I was a complete wreck. I couldn't keep my mind on the plays we were running. And consequently the coach was having a field day yelling at me. I did notice Kayden though, he had been moved up to second string. I got the chance to run a few plays with him, but it seemed like he was unable to cope with his new responsibilities and earned the coach's wrath as well. By the time practice was over I found my self running laps as punishment for my inability to pay attention. I was joined by Kayden soon after I began. We didn't really talk much; I doubt I could have held a decent conversation with the way my mind was preoccupied. All too soon our laps where over and we headed for the showers. I raced to get showered and changed, I didn't want to linger. As I was changing back into my cloths Kayden snuck up behind me and startled me when he spoke. "Hey John what's up?" He asked. "Nothing just trying to get out of here." I said with a rush of breath. "Oh I was going to ask if you wanted to get some pizza or something." Kayden said looking at me expectantly. "Sorry man I've got plans, I'm sort of meeting someone^Å.I think." I said muttering the last part under my breath. `Oh^Åthat's cool man maybe some other time." He said crest fallen. I hated to shoot him down so heartlessly but I had only one person on my mind. And I wasn't going to let anything get in my way. The pressure I had felt building all day long suddenly blossomed into a desperate need to hold him, to feel Jay's little body pressed against mine. "Take it easy man." I said as I headed for the door.
I felt like I was racing towards a train wreck, powerless to stop it. Pushing open the locker room door seemed to trigger a slow motion sequence that I couldn't shake. I slowly walked to the parking lot with my heart in my throat. This was the moment my whole day had been building too. I couldn't think of how I would react if Jay wasn't there. I had parked on the farthest side of the lot and with quite a few cars still left I couldn't tell if Jay was waiting for me. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. I don't think I would have been able to continue walking to my car if I could tell he wasn't there. My feet seemed to slow down the closer I came to the car. Suddenly my car came into view and Jay was no where in sight. I began to look around as I slowly trudged my way forward. I looked at my watch and noticed that it was only a few minutes later than I usually got done with practice. I figured he was hung up some where and hadn't made it yet. Each second seemed to take an eternity, a life time of fear and worry. I stood outside my car looking towards the school. Maybe he was running late with a meeting or something. The longer I waited the more my heart began to break. What started as small cracks of doubt soon turned to a shattered agony. I was numb with the realization that he wasn't coming. I vainly looked for him as the parking lot emptied. The gathering dusk seemed to signal my mood, dark, cold and waning. As I sagged against the car with my head buried in my hands I felt a hand on my shoulder. My heart jumped, Jay had come after all. I turned around with a tear streaked face and a look of hope in my eyes. Standing there with what can only be described as a look of pity was Kayden. And before I knew it he was engulfing me in a hug while my tears returned in force. I don't really remember the walk to his car, or the drive to his house. I was in a world of emotional pain. And my mind kept repeating the same words over and over. Jay doesn't want me anymore. I didn't really snap out of that mental funk until I was inside Kayden's room. "Hey man do you want to talk about it?" He asked while holding me tightly. It was a few minutes before I could even pull myself together enough to tell him why I was so destroyed. I was so broken and defenseless before I knew it I was telling him everything I had been through. "I^Åmy boyfriend doesn't want me anymore." I said as a new wave of tears spilled out of my eyes. Just saying it out loud felt so final. Kayden didn't say anything; he just pulled me into his chest tighter and gently rocked me until I had my tears back under control. "Well I don't know why he doesn't want you but he's an idiot if you ask me." He said looking at me with a warm smile. I don't know why his embrace was so comforting to me. From that first time in the showers something just felt so right when I was in his arms. We talked late into the night, and the whole time his hands were in contact with my body. It wasn't sexual, just small reassuring touches and warm caresses. We lay in his bed snuggled together until I fell asleep. I awoke in varying degrees of awareness, I felt so warm and safe. Even though I had been through hell the day before my mind still didn't want to face the truth. As I swam further towards consciousness I was overcome with joy. I felt a warm body next to mine and I couldn't wait to hold Jay in my arms and tell him about my horrible nightmare. When my eyes opened I looked over and saw Kayden sleeping with a content peaceful smile. Even though I was in bed with a beautiful boy once my mind registered it wasn't Jay my heart broke all over again. Silently tears streamed down my face as the truth finally hit home. Jay had made his choice and I had lost him forever. The only boy I had ever truly loved didn't want me anymore. I hope you never have to feel that pain because it was honestly the worst feeling in the world. Most people would have called my relationship with Jay puppy love, or just another high school romance. But I knew deep in my soul that I would never love anyone the way I loved Jay. He was my first in everything. The first boy I ever loved. The first boy I had ever kissed. The boy who I had given my virginity to and the first boy to ever break my heart, how would I survive without him. As my tears slowly dried I looked down at Kayden and realized what a good person he was. Twice now I had been at his mercy and he never once took advantage of that. He was so gentle and comforting. I found myself in new territory; I was use to being the one who was in control. The one who had to be strong and in a way this scared me deeply. Even with the fear of losing myself I couldn't deny the safe and loving feelings he instilled in me. I tried to remove myself from the bedding and Kayden's arms without waking him. Just as I slipping my leg from between his he opened his eyes and smiled at me. "Morning." He said stretching his body and recapturing my legs. As he turned to face me he drew me into a hug and wouldn't let go. "Hi." I said in a quiet whisper. "Did you sleep well?" He asked. "Actually yea I did." "Good me too I slept like a baby." His soothing warm voice said. "I^Å.I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me last night. I was kind of out of it there." I said bashfully. "Hey you're more than welcome John. I would do anything I could for you. All you have to do is ask." He whispered as he pulled back to look me in the eyes. I could feel his love for me in a very tangible way. Not only did he give me a warm feeling with his hugs and concern. I could feel his substantial boner pressing into my crotch. Before I could even think about it I began to get hard as well. "Um^Åare you ok buddy?" He asked while looking down to where our bodies were pressed together. His body let me know what he wanted to do but his eyes told me he wouldn't do anything that I didn't want to. The question was did I? I know that I didn't honestly mean for anything to happen. But I think because he had been so gentle with me and made me feel so safe that my body responded to him. Without a single word I lightly started to push my groin into his. Leaning forward our lips brushed and his flavor rushed into my mouth. I was transported to a different world, taken from a broken mess of raw nerves to a mass of tingling skin which was out of control. It was soft, slow and gentle, just like he was. He kissed me until I forgot everything but his lips. And his fingers found entirely new places on my body that drove me wild. The whole time I wasn't thinking only feeling. And after the last week of being on an emotional rollercoaster it felt so good to leave that all behind. As the sensations built towards climax I started to lose my breath. When we both exploded at the same time I couldn't help but yell out from the incredible blast of feelings radiating inside my body. Just from rubbing our bodies together I had one of the most spectacular orgasms of my life. I don't know if it was because of the emotional state I was in or if it was Kayden.
As I slowly came down from the highest sexual bliss I had ever known Kayden held me close and gently kissed my face. It slowly dawned on me what I had just done. And even though it was incredible it also freaked me out. I didn't know what I was doing and suddenly I felt very cramped and smothered. With out thinking I jumped from the bed and began to franticly search for my cloths. I had to get out of there. I don't know if I felt like I was cheating or if just the physical act of having sex with someone other than Jay caused me to feel this way. "John what are you doing?" Kayden asked. "Um^ÅI have to go^Ålook I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that I'm sorry ok." I said while I tried to slip my pants on. "Don't say that John, we didn't do anything wrong." He said. "I'm sorry Kayden I just can't handle this right now. Look it isn't you ok it's me. I'm just not in the right frame of mind ok." I said trying my hardest not to hurt him. I honestly never wanted to hurt him, but I was just so screwed up that I couldn't deal with it all. "It's ok I understand. I should have known better than to let it happen." Said Kayden. "It's not your fault; I'm the one who started it. And just so you know it was really really good." I said with a small grin. "I just need some time to deal with everything ok." "It was pretty good huh?" He asked with a huge smile. "Yea" I said. "Give me just a minute and I'll drive you to your car." On the way back to my car my mind was franticly running through what had happened. I was thinking about Jay and what I could do to get him back. I didn't want to lose him, but there was no way I could share him either. As I ran through scenarios of what I would say and do one thought kept pushing to the front of my mind. Why did he say he loved me if he wasn't sure? Why would he tell me he loved me and Billy? I didn't understand how someone could be in love with two people at the same time. I had to talk with him and find out if he really did love me. Because if he did then I still had a chance at happiness. When Kayden pulled along side my car I was brought back to the present. Suddenly I was nervous; I didn't know what to say that would not hurt his feelings. And before I could say anything he said something that made me like him even more. "I know things got out of hand this morning but I just wanted you to know that what we did wasn't just meaningless sex to me." "I^ÅI didn't mean for things to get so complicated. I mean I don't just fall into bed with every good looking boy I see." I said. "You're only the second boy I've ever been with." "Hey I understand its ok^Ålook I know you want Jay so why don't you go and get your boyfriend back." He told me. "Thanks K, I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there." I said as I got out of his car and shut the door. I had to find Jay and try to patch things up between us. I knew I would never be happy without him. I waved as he pulled away and turned to get in my car. When I opened the door there sitting on the driver's seat was a folded piece of paper. I sat down with a trembling feeling inside as I opened the note. There in Jay's hand writing was his message. John You will never know how much you mean to me. No matter what happens I want you to know that you have touched my life, and I am a better person because of it. I didn't think it was fair to you for things to go on the way they were. I didn't lie when I said I loved you, god knows how much I meant it at the time. But after the thing with Ray I finally figured out that I'm really in love with Billy. It wasn't anything you did or didn't do, you were the perfect boyfriend. There was just something in my heart that couldn't let me forget about him. I know I have hurt you. Please believe me when I say I didn't mean for that to happen. And even though I know you will hate me I hope one day you can forgive me. Please don't think that Billy tried to steal me away from you. It was my choice and not his fault. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you face to face but I was scared to. I know you would never hurt me but I also wouldn't blame you if you did. I hope one day you can find someone to love who is just as good as you.
Jay What little bit of hope I had was utterly crushed when I read his note. I still didn't understand how someone could do that to another person. I don't know how long I sat in my car; I was in a state of shock. Somehow I managed to make my way home; I went to my room and collapsed on my bed. The rest of that week went by in a haze. I really don't remember much. All I could do was constantly think about what had happened. I saw Jay and Billy walking the halls and each time we passed the tension was thick. I slowly grew use to the idea that he wouldn't ever be in my arms again, even though my heart cried out for his touch I knew it wasn't going to happen. I questioned everything I had ever thought about being with someone. I didn't know if I could go through another heart break again. How are you supposed to cope with the pain when things don't work out? I know I was young and naive but how do people deal with it. I struggled to come to terms with it but I couldn't reconcile the fact that in order to feel all those incredible things only a boyfriend can give I had to risk the deepest pain in the world. Some things went the way I expected them to, some didn't. We went on to win State that year after a perfect season. It was the first time in school history a team went undefeated. But for me it was a hollow victory without Jay by my side. I finally came out in my senior year, well more like I was thrown out of the closet by a vindictive bitch when I wouldn't go out with her. And while some people had a problem with it most didn't. Kayden was there for me all the way till graduation. I never lied to him about the way I felt but he said it was enough that I was with him. And even though I wasn't in love with him I did love him in my own way. Jay and Billy broke up sometime in Junior year; I heard Billy had cheated on him one to many times. And I would be lying if I said I didn't think about getting back together with him but some how it didn't feel right to dump Kayden. I was given a full scholarship to a college with a very prestigious football program. It was hard competing against a better class of athletes but eventually I made it to first string quarter back. And from there I went to the pros. I had accomplished what I set out to do all those years ago when I was a little boy. Through it all I had several relationships with guys, and something was always missing. There was some deeper level of love that seemed to elude me no matter how much I wanted it. And I couldn't help but always think back to when Jay and I where together. Maybe it was because it was the first time I fell in love, or maybe it was because I truly and deeply loved him. What are you suppose to do when you find your soul mate at 16 and he doesn't want you?
I plan to continue with the next half of the story. Although many of you will be upset with the way the first part ended I think you should wait until you have read the entire thing before you decide. Also I know my schedule has made it hard for me to post with any regularity but I do promise that no matter what I will finish the story.
Sincerely
J.C.