All the Ways I Love You
This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic descriptions of sex.
You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.
This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters and events with real people. However any real person mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a part. This story in no way is meant to imply anything about the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual person.
Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com".
Chapter 25
I dreamt about him.
I was at a concert and he was up on the stage. I was calling his name but either he couldn't hear me or he was ignoring me. The screams of the girls around me were deafening, and I couldn't' move. I was just stuck, trying hopelessly to get to him.
And then the screams turned into a ringing sound.
I picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"The time is eight o'clock," came a recorded voice. I hung up.
I struggled out of bed and considered what I had to do. Well I had to get to this meeting at 10:00 and I had no idea where the place I was going to was.
I found my calendar and turned to today's date. It had the address and phone number of where I was supposed to be. I called down to the concierge and asked them the best way to get there. They recommended getting a 'car' and said that it would take about 45 minutes. They also told me how much it would cost and I thought 'ouch' to myself. Well I guess it's deductible. I said 'fine' and that I'd be down at nine. I looked at my watch. I had 45 minutes to get ready.
After a quick shower and getting dressed, I went downstairs to the hotel restaurant and had a breakfast of a muffin, orange juice and coffee.
I was a little nervous. I hadn't really thought too much about the upcoming meeting because I'd been focusing on the visit with Justin. But now that it was only an hour away I had a serious case of nerves.
Well, just have to get through it, I thought to myself.
The meeting wasn't a complete disaster.
I guess I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Maybe I was expecting more manic people. You know, all bouncy and bubbly and ready to wheel and deal. But they were just a bunch of people really. It was kind of disappointing. I didn't recognize anyone I meet; no big name directors or producers. Just some people I'd consider middle management who were friendly and polite. This listened quietly and we had a cordial conversation, but I didn't get the felling that anything was really going to come of it.
'Don't call us' was the note I wrote in my calendar on the way back to the hotel.
I got back about 2 in the afternoon and I took a shower to wash off the putrid smell of failure. After the shower I decided to have lunch; the meeting had run until 1 and unbelievably no one offered to take me to lunch!
I went down and had a salad at the restaurant and then went back to make some calls. I took out my cell phone and switched it on. The message light flashed after a minute or two. I dialed Rob's number and left a message with his assistant that I'd had the first meeting and didn't expect anything to come of it.
Then I hit the message button and the recorded voice said "You have 8 new messages."
There were two from Rob, one reminding me of today's meeting, and another telling me that the one on Friday has been moved an hour earlier. I checked my calendar as I listened. My Mother and Abby had called to see if I'd arrived safely.
The other four were from Justin. Three were from the night before. The first one kind of indifferent, wondering where I was and would I call him. The second was later that day, a little nervously wondering if I'd found a room or if I was driving around trying to find one. He joked that I could sleep in his pool shed if I had too. The third was late that night wanting to know if I wasn't calling because I was still angry with him. He apologized for being a jerk and asked me to call him.
The fourth one was this morning saying that he knew I had a meeting this morning and probably wouldn't have time to call him and wishing me luck at the interview. And then he added that he was sorry and would I please call him.
Guess I had to get this over with. I paged through the phones memory and found Justin's number and pressed 'Talk.' The phone rang several times and then his voice mail picked up.
"Hey Justin. It's Ethan. Ahh...thanks for the calls. I found a place to stay. I guess I'm sorry too...I didn't handle things very well last night. I know your Mother is important to you and you want us to get on...I just don't think it's going to happen the way you planned. But I didn't handle things as well as I could..." I trailed off and was figuring out what to say when the phone beeped at me. Either I'd gone over the maximum amount of time allowed or I was quiet for too long and it had hung up on me.
I clicked off the phone. Okay, I thought, what do I do now? It was almost 3. I decided to wander down and see what the concierge recommended for entertainment.
He was a friendly guy and had all kinds of suggestions. None of them quite fitting my mood. They were either too exhausting (dancing and clubbing) boring (bars and restaurants) or too far and cost too much money. So I decided to take a swim in the hotel pool. I'd bought my trunks because Justin had a pool. I went back to my room, got changed and then went down to the pool.
I'm not a great swimmer. I can swim a length but I've got no style and I'm not a strong swimmer. Still it's nice to go in the water.
I did notice another guy who did know how to swim. He was short and muscular, wearing a very tight and revealing Speedo and I had to be careful not to gape at him when he got out of the pool to do a dive. He was a great swimmer, and not a bad diver either.
I watched him swim some lengths, and then I decided I should try. So I swam a length. By the time I got to the end I was breathing hard from the unexpected exertion and I had to cling to the end for a moment and catch my breath.
I was wondering if I'd get out when I heard a rippling of water sound behind me. I turned and the guy had swum over to me and was only a few feet away. He raised his eyebrows in recognition of the fact that he saw I was looking at him, and swam up beside me and grabbed hold of the side.
"Hey!" he said casually.
"How's it going?" I asked.
"Good. Great pool huh?"
"Yeah."
"You work here or staying here?"
"Staying," I said.
"Me too. Where are you from?"
"New York city," I said, trying not to look into his face.
"Hey, me too," he said in surprise.
"Yeah? Where?"
It turned out he lived only three blocks away from me. Small world.
"I'm Ethan by the way," I finally said, and I raised my hand above the water and held it out. His hand came out of the water and shook it and he smiled.
"I'm Jason."
"So what are you doing here?" I asked.
"Audition," he replied.
"Yeah?"
"I'm an actor," he continued. "Mostly commercials, modeling and some theater stuff so far. Hoping to get into television or movies..." and then he shrugged.
"So how come you're staying here?" I wondered.
"Reservations got messed up," he shrugged again. "I'm here tonight and then I'm going to another place. So why are you here?"
I told him that I was a writer interviewing for some writing work, but I also added that I hadn't written anything yet and wasn't sure what would come of it.
"Me neither," he shrugged, "but it's worth a shot."
"So you're not planning to move out here?" I asked him.
He shook his head. "Honestly, I don't like the place. I came out for a week so that I could say I gave it a go, but I'm not really into this. I think I'll just go back to New York and finish my law degree. Maybe keep doing acting and stuff on the side." He paused and then added wistfully, "I just don't think it's going to work out for me."
I looked at him and felt sad. As though I was watching his dreams slip away.
"Well that attitude isn't going to get you any parts," I offered. He looked at me curiously, "Someone I know says if you put 150% into something, you'll always get back 100%. You should remember that when you go to those interviews. No point in coming out and doing a half assed job of it!" I grinned at him.
He laughed. "I guess you're right. Sorry. I just had a bad time with the mixed up reservations, and then the audition this morning went badly."
I nodded, "I kind of had similar problems today." He looked at me with a wry smile, but didn't ask what problems I had had. I realized he was pretty cute. The light brown hair was of medium length and absolutely straight. His eyes were brown, and he had a light tan coloring that complemented the eyes and hair. I realized I was staring. And he was staring back. I looked away hastily.
"You doing anything for dinner?" he asked.
"No. Just going to have dinner at the hotel."
"Me too," he smiled. "Would you like to have dinner with me?"
I thought for a moment. Part of me said I should say no. I didn't need any more complications.
The rest of me said "Okay."
"How about I meet you there at 7:30?" he said.
"Okay!"
"Well it's been nice talking to you, but I've got to finish my work out," he said smiling, "I'll see you later Ethan."
"See you at 7:30 Jason."
He smiled and half waved as he rolled in the water and went back to his swimming. I had had enough and pulled myself out of the pool, dried off, and went back up to my room. I took a shower to rinse off the chlorine.
After the shower I checked my phone and the message light was flashing. I pushed the message button.
"Hey Ethan," came Justin's voice, "you didn't tell me where you were staying. Give me a call."
I called Justin back and got his voice mail again. Shit!
"Hey Justin! Sorry I didn't tell you were I am. The phone cut me off before I thought to do it. Look let me know what your schedule is the next couple of days okay? I'm going out tonight but I'll be around in the morning. I have a 1 o'clock meeting tomorrow. Talk to you." I hung up and realized I had forgotten again to say where I was. So I called back and left another short message of where I was, but he should call my cell phone not the hotel switchboard.
It was 5:30. I thought I'd take a nap before dinner. I called down for a wake up call at 7:00, and lay down and slept.
Dinner was great. Jason and I got along really well. He was sweet and charming, curious and funny. He was an excellent dinner companion.
He wasn't very worldly. I don't mean to put him down, as I really liked him, he just didn't know a whole lot about what was going on in the world. No strong opinions or interest in politics. He was rather innocent really.
Part of me was whispering that he wouldn't even know what a homosexual was, and the other half was screaming that he was one. Of course, I was sure he did know what a homosexual was; he was an actor for gods sake! But he just projected this innocent image.
We chatted about how our careers were going, and I spent a bit of time encouraging him. This was kind of a surprise as I always saw myself as a bit of a pessimist. If I was a pessimist, Jason was even worse. He really needed a good dose of confidence. He needed to hang out with Justin for a few hours.
We finished dinner and after sitting there for a while he asked what I was up for. I said I was probably going to go back to the room and either fall asleep or watch a movie. He said he felt the same way.
"Want to come watch a movie in my room?" I asked. No, it wasn't a sexual invitation. I was absolutely not going to do anything sexual with him, even if he was gay. But he was a nice guy, friendly and I enjoyed spending time with him. He lived close by me in New York too. I figured that if nothing else, he could be a friend. And I had this fleeting thought that if things with Justin fell apart, I could see myself falling for Jason.
Shit! What a prick I am. Here I've had a fight with my boyfriend and I'm looking for a replacement already. No, I told myself, I'm not looking for a quick fuck.
I looked at Jason and saw his face a mixture of emotions. I decide I needed to say something before we went any further. Whether he was gay or not I decided he needed to hear it before 'anything' happened.
'Uh...Jason, I should tell you something...I'm gay..." his eyes widened, "but I'm in a relationship with someone. I just want you to know so that you...well because I want you to know...and so you don't think I'm going to hit on you or something."
He grinned, "It's okay. I'm gay too."
"Oh...," I said, "so the old gaydar at work huh?"
"No!" he laughed. "I just thought you seemed like a nice guy...I mean I wondered and all, and it would have been nice if you were available..." he blushed, "but I'm actually in a relationship too so I'm not really available."
"Not really?" I asked, and he blushed.
"Oh...ahh...shit!" he reddened. "I'm sorry. I guess...well the truth is I've been with this guy for a year, but the last few months have been kind of hard."
"Oh," I said. "Sorry to hear that."
"It's okay, oh Shit! I feel like a heel. I really was thinking about maybe cheating on him with you. I guess I'm a real bitch."
"Hey! It's okay," I smiled. "I understand. You know we have a lot more in common than we ever imagined!"
He looked at me with a wry smile on his face.
"You know," I said, "Maybe it would be best if we didn't go back to the room. It might subject us both to a temptation we couldn't resist."
Jason laughed. "Yeah, maybe..." then ruefully, "you sure?"
I rolled my eyes.
"I'm sorry!" he giggled, "I'm just...I hope we can still be friends."
"Yeah, I hope so!" I pulled out my wallet and took out a business card and handed it to him.
He took out a card and handed it to me.
We stood up, still smiling, and went out to the lobby. We chatted a bit more on the elevator, and when we got to my floor I said, "This is my stop," but he got out as well. His room, it turned out, was just down the hall from mine.
Jason waited as I unlocked my door and then I turned to him and he smiled a little nervously.
"Great meeting you," he said.
"You too," I said, holding out my hand. We shook hands and then hugged a little awkwardly.
"See you," he said.
I nodded, and watched him walk down the hall for a moment before I turned and went in to my room.
Back in my room I stripped down and turned on the TV and pulled up the Bond Movie "Die Another Day." I hadn't seen it when it had come out.
It was fun and I enjoyed it. Just some light entertainment. The movie finished but I wasn't sleepy. I was surfing around looking for something else to watch when I heard a knock on the door.
I opened it to find a very drunk looking Jason standing in my doorway.
"Hey man!" he breathed, and his breath nearly caused me to pass out.
"Jason! What happened to you?"
"I got a call!" he said hiccupping and staggering into my room. I stood watching him go into the room and shrugged and closed the door.
"Yeah? What about?" I asked, wondering if he'd got a part or something.
"Dear John!" he said bitterly and sat down on the end of my bed, almost falling off.
"Dear John?"
"Yeah. Todd called to tell me he found someone else. He's got a new fuck toy," and he started to cry. I sat down next to him and he put his arms around me and cried.
"I'm sorry Jason," I said.
"You know what's the worst part is? I think he called me here just to ruin the trip. Just to put a knife into me." And he cried harder.
"You don't know that!"
"Yeah I do. He's a manipulative bastard. Had to call me and tell me on the second day of the trip that he had just gone out with his old boyfriend and realized there was still 'something there'. Fuck! Like hell he did!"
"I'm sorry Jason," I said. I didn't know what else to say.
"He didn't fucking want me to come on this trip," Jason went on. "We argued about it before I went. I can't fucking believe he did this," and he started to sob again.
"Oh Jason, I'm so sorry," and I held him against me.
His head turned towards me and he looked into my eyes, and then he started towards me. He was going to kiss me.
"No Jason! I can't, I'm sorry. And you shouldn't. You're on serious rebound."
Jason just sobbed harder. "I'm sorry! I'm a shit! I'm sorry. I better go."
"No Jason. It's okay. I understand. You can stay. But you sleep in the other bed. Okay? Absolutely no funny business. Okay?"
He nodded, a little embarrassed, though I think his drunkenness took most of the edge off his inhibitions. I figured he was going to feel really sick - and probably a little embarrassed - tomorrow. If he remembered any of this.
"You should wash up," I said, and I helped him up and into the bathroom.
Standing there he swayed a bit, and the bright light in the bathroom made him blink. Suddenly he pushed me away and made a dive for the toilet bowl, retching into it violently. Better out than in I thought, and I crouched down beside him and rubbed his back and told him he was going to be okay.
Eventually he straightened up and I took a washcloth and helped him wash his face. He rinsed out his mouth and I walked him out into the bedroom, helping him out of his clothes and then into the spare bed. Then I covered him up and said good night to him. He passed out just about as soon as his head hit the pillow.
I sat back on my bed and started surfing again, figuring I should really go to sleep, but a little keyed up from the whole incident.
There was another knock at the door.
"Shit!" I said, mostly to myself. What was going on here?
I went to the door and pulled it open to see Justin standing in the doorway. He had a bunch of flowers in his hand and a big smile on his face.
I was surprised to see him.
And then I thought about Jason in the bed and realized this didn't look very good. Justin's eyes looked behind me and the smile slid off his face, his jaw literally dropping open.
Before I could even say a thing he turned and walked back down the hall.
------------------------------- To be continued...
My other stories:
High School: Do What You Can
Celebrity: Boy Bands: Birthday Blues