Hi folks. I am working on Part 6 of "Allen" right now, but before I post it (hopefully tonight or tommorrow) I thought I would take some time to post this. This is a copy of an e-mail that I sent to a friend of mine that I have made through working on this story. I am posting it as a post script to part 5. The first part of the letter is regular conversation, but then I turn my attention to the person who was the inspiration for the character of Calvin. I am doing this in the hopes that it may help someone out there.
Tim
Hi Tim,
I am sending your letter back so you can use it if you wish. I think that hearing the real story of your friend might be of help to someone in a similar situation. It certainly can't hurt to add it as a postscript. Who knows if someone with a like problem might read it and find comfort. Let me just send this and I will answer the letter in a few minutes.
Your friend, ***
Hi ***,
Talking about religious upbringing now, huh? I have heard Catholicsism can be extremely difficult on gays, and then you hear about the priests and bishops who are caught with boys and then covered up. All religions have their tendancies to be way off base on that subject though. I should know, at one time I was subjected to one of those Christian ministries that claim they can cure you of being gay, what an arrogant lie. But they want everyone to believe it's true. The best thing I remember about my religious upbringing though is while everyone was in the church, me and my friend **** were out in the parking lot playing with each others dicks. Every week. At least I got plenty of action back then. Last time I saw him he was married and has a family now. Me, I never have even been tempted to try that, I couldn't get away with it for one minute. When I was a horny kid and my friends would bring Playboy's to school and pass them around, I would sit around and oogle them with the rest of my buddies but nothing would be happening in my pants. Then when they would bring in a Hustler, which shows both men and women naked together, I would pop the worlds fastest boner. Funny though, it would only be on pages that had guys on them. It's tough to discover when you're a kid, that you are physically incapable of having an erection over naked women. Especially considering how gay people were veiwed where I lived.
I guess by now you've probably read part 5 of my story. One of my best friends from the end of, and for some time after my school days was an abuse victim. When I say friend, I mean as close as two boys can be. Quite often we knew what each other was thinking and even feeling. It was really difficult to watch the abuse he went through from his stepfather, both physical and sexual. His older sister though was never touched physically. She would go out with the stepfather drinking and whoring herself off to all of his drinking buddies, and he thought that was great. Me and my friend did eventually have a relationship together and he almost managed to get away from the abuse. That is until our relationship ended over a few lousy dollars. I didn't feel he was being responsible enough over money and he took it badly, claiming I didn't stop to think about it from his point of view. The horrible thing was, he was right. Oh God, I miss him so much! (sorry, I had to stop for a moment). Anyways, the next time I heard from him, he had gone back to his stepfather's and the whole thing started over again. He had gotten himself a girlfriend and walked in on his stepfather raping her. He ended up killing his stepfather and was tried for manslaughter. In ******** there was no such thing as a self-defense plea at that time, so he ended up being convicted and sentenced to 25 years to life in prison. I went to see him as often as I could for a while and I think we patched up our differences, but eventually he informed me that someone inside who viewed him as his property had become jealous of the visits and I had to stop. I haven't had any contact from him in over ten years now. The last letter I sent him from Florida was never responded to.
I think if I were allowed one do over in my life I would put up with the gay-bashing and the rape if I could just have my relationship with him to redo. I don't just feel like I let him down, I know I did. I know we all face choices in our lives, and we don't always know what the consequences to our decisions will be. I just wish that made things easier, but it don't. I do know if I ever found myself involved in a situation like that again I would do everything in my power to make sure I did the right thing.
Well, that is about the biggest hurt that I have been through. I really had to get that one out and cry some about it, before going too much further. If this one doesn't scare you off then you are a real friend.
Hopefully, Tim
If this helps someone out there then that would be an answer to a prayer. If you know of someone who this may help, please share it with them, I beg you. If you want to e-mail me, fine. I may not be in a position to help personally, but there are solutions. There are people who can help. And please remember if you are being abused, you are not what your abuser says you are. I can tell you this for a fact, if I couldn't, I wouldn't say it. Please do what you can to stop this type of violence.
Tim