Being less than athletic, I had put off my only required PE credits until this semester. Don't exactly know why I decided I wanted to get them out of the way by taking tennis lessons, though.
Shelly's presence surprised me as I stepped from the men's locker room into the spacious indoor courts. I was to meet my student instructor, Elijah Cohen, there in less than five minutes.
"Hey, Shelly. What are you doing here?"
"I was just on my way to class and remembered you were going to be here. I just wanted to stop by to tell you that Lisa and I are going over to the library tonight to study, so I won't be able to meet you for coffee."
I noticed Shelly turn her head to see what had distracted me, and returned my attention to her.
"That's okay," I said, feeling my eyes drift over to take another peek at the guy with a tennis racket and clipboard in his hand, making his way toward us. "I've got a lot of reading I need to get started on anyway."
She took another look at him too, then gave me a peck on the cheek and happily strode off.
"You Phillip Johnson?" the guy asked, looking at the paper he had in his hand. He seemed a bit embarrassed about something – or maybe he was just shy.
"Ye..." I started to answer, then cleared the phlegm from my throat, and tried again. "Yeah. You're Elijah Cohen?"
"The one and only"
He had a shy smile painted across his face as he briefly glanced up at me. I'm not sure why, but I blushed. God, I cried out under my breath. Keep my thoughts out of the gutter.
It's not that most would consider him to be eye candy, but something about him was sure lighting my jets. He was about my height, five-nine, and probably only weighed a hundred and thirty or so. His dark olive skin and the oversized beak on his face with the sharp hook in the middle seemed to betray his Middle Eastern heritage. But I think it was the ear to ear smile and his easy gait which caught my attention first. ...and all those dark curls cascading from the top of his head.
"...whatsoever things are PURE ... whatsoever things are of good report; IF THERE BE ANY VIRTUE ...Think on these things," I began reciting in my head when I realized that my gaze had drifted down his body and now rested where it shouldn't. The words were part of a scripture passage I had memorized to try and divert my attention when temptation came knocking at my door. Over the past few years I'd become fairly good at focusing on scripture when Satan bombarded me with impure thoughts at the worst possible times. ...and right now, I have to admit they are anything but pure. Why God never seemed to intervene and keep my mind from traveling in that direction to begin with, is still a mystery to me. I mean, God had to change that – after all, the bible's pretty clear it's an abomination to him. ...and since I'm committed to being his disciple, why wouldn't he want to protect me from something he found so disgusting?
On the spot, I once more renewed my determination to not let my guard down again. If want God to love me as much as I love him I've got to get better at guarding my mind from those kinds of thoughts. My hope is that eventually the Tempter'll get tired of trying to lure me away from God and move on to someone more susceptible to his scheming.
"You okay?" Elijah asked.
"Sorry. Something my girlfriend just told me," I answered, pointing to Shelly disappearing through the main doors. Please God, forgive me for lying about it, but I don't think he'd understand, I uttered in my mind, convinced I had let God down again.
"You've got to hold your wrist straight. Like this," he called across the net, taking an easy swing, sending the ball toward me.
I tried to do what he told me. I guess it wasn't quite right because the next thing I knew he was jogging over to my side of the court.
"Here, let me show you."
I wondered how he was going to show me the correct swing as he circled around behind me. So not prepared for what I felt, he wrapped his arms around me to grip my wrists with his hands. The sensation of his body against mine nearly made my knees buckle. He only did it to take me through a few swings. I tried hard to concentrate on what he was showing me, but I could hardly breathe. The wiry hair on his moist arms, and the musky scent invading my nose as he leaned over my shoulder sent shivers up my spine.
He giggled when he felt my body involuntarily quiver.
"I hope you're not a fast learner."
Oh, God, please tell me he didn't just say that. I told myself. Then a wave of true panic hit with his next words.
"...`cause I could really get to liking this," he casually whispered into my ear, as we made an arc through the air, striking an imaginary ball.
I knew in that instant I may be in for a battle of epic proportions. God, why are you letting this happen to me? I whined silently. There was no mistaking in my mind what his words had meant.
Embarrassed – totally – I wrenched my way out of his grip and began moving my racket. Holding my wrist as stiff as humanly possible, I took a swing, determined to show him I understood his instructions without the physical contact.
"Like this?" I asked. I didn't dare look at him, knowing my face was glowing crimson. "Please, God," I whispered under my breath. "Guard my mind from thinking evil thoughts."
"Yeah, that'll work once you build up your arm strength, but for now, you may want to use two hands like I just showed you." I looked up and saw him take another swing. His entire face was smiling. His eyes shyly darted away from mine when I dared to glance at him.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Dear journal,
Thoughts about today: Today was my first tennis lesson with Elijah Cohen. I sure hope I'm wrong, but I think he has the hots for me. It was freaky the way every time I looked at him his eyes darted away like he was embarrassed that I caught him staring. I am so not going to go there. I hated what happened to me when he put his arms around me to show me how to grip the racket. I guess it was just his style of teaching, but when he told me he could get to liking that, it felt so freaking gay.
Honesty time: Lord, make me feel like that when Shelly puts her arms around me. I know true love is a commitment and not just a feeling, but please Lord, if it's not too much to ask, let me know it by giving me those kinds of feelings when we hug each other.
What I learned: Maybe the key to it is what I read in those stories this summer. I need to act like a real man, and kiss Shelly on the lips. Lord, keep us from sinning by not letting us get carried away and doing the rest of what was in those books.
Friday, September 12
Dear journal,
Thoughts about today: I did it! I kissed Shelly ON THE LIPS! They make it look so easy in the movies. I'm glad I got up the nerve to do it too, because she definitely looked happy afterwards even though it was kind of awkward at first.
Honesty time: There weren't any fireworks like I had hoped, but that's okay because I was really worried about Shelly thinking I was after more than just a kiss. I felt so happy just knowing I did it. I think maybe she saw them though (fireworks). It's totally wrong for me to compare my first kiss ever with a girl, to what I felt when Elijah was showing me how to swing my tennis racket. Why did I even think about that when I was kissing her? Why am I even thinking about it now, God? Please don't let Satan ruin things when I'm with her by distracting me with perversion.
What I learned: Shelly's lips aren't at all like I remember Casey's being. Hers are really soft and squishy. I have to remember to kiss her more gently next time.
"Hi Shelly. You ready to go?" I asked over my cell phone as I stood in front of her apartment Saturday afternoon.
"Be down in a minute."
When my roommate, Andrew, asked me if I wanted to party with him and his friends that night, I told him I had a date.
"You gonna bring her back here, or are you planning on spending the night in her room? Just checkin'," he added, a sly, knowing, grin plastered across his face. "Just want to know whether I should find somewhere else to crash after the party tonight, that's all."
"Why would you think we were planning to spend the night with each other?"
"You said it was a date."
"...and your point is?" I asked with an edge in my voice.
"Chill, buddy boy. Just playin' with ya. I've had dates with a few girls who didn't put out so I know exactly how you're feelin'. There're plenty of other fish to fry if she's a prude."
"We don't believe in doing that before marriage. We're Christians."
"So are my `rents. That didn't seem to keep mom from getting preggers with me before their wedding."
"Have fun at your party," I told him.
"Have fun on your date Romeo," he said as he reached into his pocket and then tossed a small, flat, square of red plastic to me. "Don't forget to wear your raincoat if you run into unexpected dew." Then he turned and was out the door.
I was steaming at his inference about what he thought Shelly and I should be doing on our dates. I did, however, tuck the safety device into my wallet. Maybe this was God's way of preparing me for the intense feelings I had prayed he would someday bless us with.
"You got the tickets?" I asked Shelly as she bounded down the steps of her dorm hall. We were going to watch the Nittany Lions lacrosse team play Ohio State tonight. Not real romantic, but Shelly's into sports.
"Right here," she said patting her hip pocket. "Where're we going for dinner?" Then she stepped in front of me and surprised me with a peck on the lips.
"Romano's okay?"
"Are you kidding? You know how much I love pizza. Ham and pineapple for me, and tell them not to let your pepperoni slime run onto my half this time. How can you stand to eat all that grease with your pizza? Yuck! I'm kind of nervous about the match tonight. You think we have a chance at beating the Buckeyes?"
"I don't know, but at least we'll be there together," I told her, reaching for her hand.
"So, exactly how does being there together help us win?"
"I meant it's just a game. So as long as I get to be with you, I'll enjoy it."
"It's a match, not a game. Do you even know what a lacrosse stick looks like, Doofus? I mean how lame are you? This is the biggest match of the year for us and you'd be okay if we got creamed, as long as we get to sit together?"
"Something like that. You really think we have a chance?"
"Us, or Penn State?" she asked, almost cynically.
"Us"
She smiled, and I felt her grip tighten a bit.
Shelly and I carried on a lively conversation about classes, friends, and family, as we walked to Romano's. I opened the door and stood to the side thinking she would be impressed. She just pulled me along with her and looked at me like I was being nerdy.
We ordered our pizza, half ham and pineapple, half pepperoni, and sat down at a table to wait. The thought of eating fruit on pizza was totally disgusting to me.
"Hey, Phillip," a voice called from behind me.
I turned and was greeted by Elijah Cohen's broad smile and outstretched hand. It happened again – I mean my breath evaporating the moment I saw him. God, what is going on here? I pleaded silently, not knowing why I suddenly felt so lost for words.
"H... hey," I managed to get out before stupidly asking him "You eat pizza?"
He looked at me like he was trying to figure out what planet I was from before breaking into a smile. Even his eyes sparkled when he smiled. "As long as it doesn't have pork on it," he answered as he turned away to join the guys he had come in with.
Suddenly feeling clammy, I spun back around in my seat to face Shelly. "You think it's hot in here?"
I saw her glance in the direction that Elijah had gone. "Not really. Another potential boyfriend?" she asked, grinning, as she took my hand.
"Just my tennis instructor. I don't need any boyfriends hanging around when I've got a girlfriend like you. I like you a lot, Shelly."
It was her turn to blush.
Penn State lost the game 3-2 on a controversial goal, and we sullenly walked back to Shelly's apartment. Looking at each other for a moment, Shelly wrinkled her brow and asked "What?"
Even though I found Andrew's not-so-subtle displays of affection with girls disturbing, there was one thing I saw him doing a couple of times that kind of caught my interest. The first time it happened was when he showed up in the room unannounced, pleading with his eyes for me to move to the student lounge for the night. While I was grabbing my pillow and some books, I heard this "m-m-m-m" sound, and looked to see what they were doing. I swear it looked like he was trying to push his entire tongue into her mouth. ...and she looked like she was really into it. After that, I noted he did it with other dates getting the same result, so I'm guessing girls must like it.
My heart began racing as I debated the benefit of doing it versus the obvious, to me at least, downside. My desire to hear Shelly "m-m-m-m" softly, because of something I was doing, eventually won out. To heck with my hangup that we would be spreading our germs into each other's mouth, not to mention the possibility that such behavior could lead to needing what I had shoved into my wallet earlier in the evening.
Saturday, September 20
Dear journal,
Thoughts about today: OMG! Michelle had the same reaction Andrew's girlfriends do when he sticks his tongue in their mouth. I almost laughed when she did it. It made me feel so good inside knowing I was doing something for her that she liked. I went for seconds after I saw her smile. Thank you, Jesus, for keeping us from getting too carried away.
Honesty time: Sticking my tongue in her mouth was weird. I had no idea what to do with it once it was there. I guess I did okay, because she did make that "m-m-m-m" sound, but I should not have thought what I did when she started to suck on it.
What I learned: I've got to start carrying breath mints in my pocket in case she sprinkles garlic on her pizza again. I can still taste it.