Hi there! First of all, a big apology for having such a huge delay between the last episode and this one - I know, it was August 2000 when I posted an episode and now we've February 2001, which is also nearing its end. I got caught up with lots of work and some laziness...(Though this is not completely true: I have revised some of the older episodes, I-V so far, they're updated on the archive) It's really not an excuse, I know, but I hope this episode makes up for it. Please do keep in mind that these are the last episodes (mind that I said "last episodes" - no quantity here heh), I hope I can post another one sometime next month, as I want to let you know how the story ends :) Thank you for all your positive feedback - I really appreciate it, and I would love to hear from you giving me feedback on this episode.
Another note is that 3rd person is used for all the characters except Kaneda who narrates 1st person. In my next story (which is going to come, once this one is done) I'll try to stick 3rd person - but hey, you guys and girls can tell me if you like 3rd person more or 1st person narrating. Both of them have their drawbacks and advantages.
Let's come to an interesting part!
I had asked you guys and girls for your most liked/disliked characters:
So here it goes:
LIKES:
-
DANIEL 53%
-
KANEDA 26%
-
KEVIN 12%
-
GEORG 9%
HATES:
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YILMAZ 75% (!!!)
-
JENS 25%
This means, Daniel is your most loved character :))
Mark, Christoph, Jules and Sven were mentioned, but not really liked or hated - they're too new ;)
Nobody mentioned Pawel or Sabina though ;D
Ok, but now enjoy reading the latest episode.
PS: (ok, putting a PS here is senseless). You might want to check out the story "Optimistic" in the college section, it's cool and it's by a friend of mine. ;)
"Must be the reason why I am king of my Castle"
Alone Among Friends, Part XII
Christoph wondered what he should do. This guy he saw, Daniel, was definitely not going out of his mind. He needed to see him again and as far as he had figured out, Daniel was studying computer science. Knowing that was as clear as knowing that Jerry Springer hosted a talk show since he saw him coming from the CS-Dep. Probably he should hang around there for a couple of times, or pass there, and probably with some luck he might bump into him again. The intriguing part was that he still didn't have any clue if Daniel was gay or not, and not much was in favor of this idea, but the feeling he had inside, told him a different story.
Back in school it were always his feelings that would get him into major trouble. As he was standing there he remembered how it was once his class went on that swimming course. It was back in the 8th or 9th grade, and it was the first time he felt something entirely different for somebody. Back then he didn't think too much about it, but just having this feeling and seeing the person, Johannes to be precise, a good looking boy with blonde hair, who was the epicenter of his attraction back then, made him feel better. He couldn't really explain what it was about him, why he was so special. But the mere presence of Johannes made his heart jump. Little did Christoph know at that time, and giving in to his feelings, he behaved like that. On that one particular day when they were changing in the locker rooms of the swimming pool it was only him and Johannes left there, the rest of the boys had already rushed into the pool, Christoph wasn't able to wait any longer. He had enjoyed watching and talking to Johannes while he changed his clothes and Christoph changed himself. Suddenly, seeing the bare chest and the golden shimmer of his hair made Christoph's knees feel like jelly and he would have collapsed if he didn't hold onto the locker for stability. Johannes wasn't noticing any of this; he was just done putting on his Speedos and was about to leave the locker room when Christoph, after composing himself and giving in to another feeling, suddenly jolted forwards. Johannes turned around and Christoph placed a quick peck on Johannes cheek. Just a peck. Johannes was confused and didn't know what to say. After some seconds he just went out and left Johannes alone, whom he rendered completely confused.
He wondered if he should do such a thing again. Probably just like he had done with Johannes back in those days, which had resulted in a small relationship. His first ever.. Probably just surprise Daniel. With a peck..? Or something similar. 'Just tell him straightly about me', he thought.
"I am going to do it!"
Mark looked puzzled, "Going to do what?" he shouted into Christoph's ear.
"I'm going over to him now and tell him straightly," he said into Mark's ear, cause even though the dance floors were above them, it was still loud and conversation was something which was hard to do in such a place.
"You're not serious, are you?"
"I am dead serious," Christian said and started to walk towards Daniel and the guys.
Mark stunned by this behavior hold Christoph back by tugging his shirt.
"Hey wait, I'm going with you." Mark didn't know why he had said that. It would be plainly embarrassing. And that hunk that was standing next to that Japanese guy would certainly be able to crush their skulls if Christoph got carried away. 'What the heck am I doing?' he thought and couldn't help it but follow Christoph on his conquest for a meeting.
"I think this guy is coming closer," Georg remarked and both, Daniel and Kaneda looked at the spot where Christoph and his friend were. Indeed, they were getting closer.
"They're not coming to me, are they?" Daniel stuttered and sounding seriously nervous.
Kaneda didn't know what to think. He couldn't quite assess if Daniel was excitedly nervous or fearfully nervous. It was blending between the one and the other. From what Daniel had said so far this guy who was about 3 meters apart seemed to be a little psychotic.
"Don't worry Daniel, if he gets idiotic, I'll fix him," Georg said. Kaneda looked at him and grinned, "you're behaving much like a macho lately - Daniel, if that guy gets annoying I'll kick his ass so hard he'll kiss the moons."
Daniel had a totally puzzled look on his face, especially at Kaneda, and looked at his two friends. "Thanks guys, but I think I can deliver that myself, " he grinned.
Now it was Kaneda and Georg's time to be surprised.
"Sure."
The closer Christoph got the cooler he became, all his nervousness was fading away and the throbbing of the beat was the only thing he felt. He merely ignored the two guys standing next to Daniel - only he was the center of his interest right now. Mark on the other hand was getting more nervous with each step he was taking. That guy Christoph was heading for surely looked good, and Mark was able to read from Daniel's face that this guy wasn't mean, nasty or anything else. He felt that. But that he was gay? God, how could Christoph be so certain that he was doing this right now? The other two guys, that hunk and the Jap also looked quite ok, but they were definitely not gay at all. It was as certain as that Disney had wooden teeth. The people around them seemed all in some happy cheerful mood with most of them holding either drinks or bottles of beer in their hand. Amusingly Jules had completely disappeared since some time - even though she had praised Mark's look so much. Could there be someone looking better than him around here, he thought, and laughed a little for what an arrogant thought this was.
"Hi Daniel," Christoph said, extending his hand.
Daniel firstly didn't react but then he reached out and shook Christoph's hand.
"I saw you from over there and thought I should go over and say hi to you,"
"Uh-huh."
"That's Mark, a friend of mine," Christoph said introducing them to each other.
There wasn't anything else left for Daniel than introduce his friends to him.
"This is Kaneda and Georg, nice to meet you Mark."
After each of them got introduced to each other, the burden of starting a conversation lay heavy on Christoph's shoulders. None of the other guys said anything as they all were waiting for Christoph to start.
Mark was already feeling pretty embarrassed and was looking around pretending as if he was really looking for someone he hadn't seen the last 10 years. Daniel didn't know what to say. Up to now that guy hadn't behaved like a jerk at all. 'Let's just listen to what he wants' he thought.
Kaneda didn't think that Christoph was as moronic as Daniel had described him earlier. He seemed to be quite ok, and the same thought was in Georg's mind.
"Why don't we go over there so we can talk a little better - it's quite loud here," Christoph suggested.
"Sounds good to me," Daniel said and wondered why he was saying that. He could've said "No, I feel fine here," which would have lead to a dead end for Christoph. But... why should he behave like an asshole. Maybe he was being too hard with him in the first place, maybe this guy wasn't that moronic at all.. or weird as he had seemed the first time they had talked with each other in the cafeteria.
The 5 of them went over to a place quite dislocated from the masses, which were in a wild party feeling, shouting and dancing around. Some of them were even dancing on the tables holding their beers in their hands. Most of the students were enjoying the party and only some of them seemed to be alone at this time. Daniel had spotted a girl who seemed to be either waiting for someone in particular or some unknown guy - he couldn't figure it out. At the other side of the place a couple of guys were sitting on the bench, and none of them were talking or even looking at each other. One guy was wearing a chicken costume - at least it was what it was supposed to be. In Daniel's eyes it looked rather idiotic than funny in any way. He wondered if that guy just came from his workplace something like Kentucky Fried Chicken to this Cartier Latin.. if so, it was very easy for him to dress up like that.
The other guys who had caught Daniel's attraction were some youngsters - far too young to be here at all, but playing the hard tough guys. Daniel had encountered such brats a lot of time the days he actively skated. Some of those kids even looked familiar, but he wasn't too sure. The style was always the same: Holding a cigarette in a way that the lit part was pointing to the palm, while holding the beer in the other and having the head lowered, just looking at the people by peeking through half-closed eyes. They thought this was cool. Apparently it was for kids in their age, but then, nobody paid attention to them at this party.
All of them arrived at the desired spot and it was again Christoph to speak up.
"So how are studies going with you guys? I study business, what about you?"
"I study computer science," Daniel replied.
"Same for us," Kaneda said and pointed with his thumb to Georg who grinned.
"You might not know it guys, but that's the one I told you of who bumped into me and wanted to excuse for it - which he actually did."
"I didn't do it properly Daniel, can I invite you to a café to make up finally for that incident?" Christoph asked Daniel.
Mark was getting nervous now. Now it was the point where this guy, Daniel, would definitely tell them to fuck off or something alike. Why should he follow this invitation anyhow? And this hunk and the Jap would start laughing as well now. Mark was so sure about this that he slowly turned around and closed his eyes for trying to evade this humiliation.
Daniel was wondering now. This was completely different than the first time they had met... It wasn't that awkward anymore, maybe the beer was affecting him? Apparently this guy was asking him out. He was certain that Christoph was gay. Daniel looked up right into the eyes of Christoph and saw what he thought. Admiration. The guy looked at him, smiling and nothing was weird at all.
"Okay."
"So is tomorrow evening ok? At 6pm in that café close to the university?"
"Sure"
"Okay, I will be seeing you then!" Christoph said and grinned. Mark was completely astonished. Daniel had agreed to it? So did this mean that Christoph was right? No, can't be. He had just agreed out of politeness. Nothing else. Cannot be something else.
Christoph turned around and walked away, with Mark still standing there for some seconds after which he followed and disappeared with Christoph in the crowds.
"I think you should really give it a try," Kaneda said to Daniel.
"That's what I thought..."
"He didn't behave like a moron at all Dan, might be that he was excited that day?" Georg said and looked at Daniel with a smile.
"Well, I won't know until tomorrow, right?"
It was very late at night when Daniel returned home with the others. Kevin and Sabina had decided to party throughout the night, and celebrate the 2nd month of their being together. In Daniel's eyes it was somehow an odd thing to do cause what was so special about the 2nd month? He didn't have a clue, but he accepted it. He had the room for himself the night.
Kaneda and Georg walked down the floor and after saying goodbye disappeared in their room. The thought of lying in the warmth of the bed made Daniel feel even sleepier, but before he could do that he had to quench his thirst. There weren't too many options available in the fridge, as most of the stocks had been used up and it was certainly time already to buy new groceries. It was Kaneda and Georg's turn this week and they hadn't done it yet. Daniel grabbed the pack of milk and poured in a glass. Leaning against the table he looked over trough the living room right out of the window. The night had chilled down a lot, nothing unusual for this time of the year, but in his opinion it was too cold. The roads were about to freeze and he wondered if Kevin and Sabina would be - if they were - driving safe and not too fast.
"You sound like your mother Daniel..." Daniel said to himself.
Hearing his own voice in the half-light of the refrigerator gave him an eerie feeling.
"Really?" somebody said and Daniel nearly shrieked.
It was Yilmaz.
"Yilmaz, you scared me to death. What the hell are you doing ... err... where the hell are you?"
"I am sitting here on one of the chairs"
"I can't see you"
"..."
"Whatever, I am going to sleep, see you... or rather not," Daniel said and walked away.
His room was empty as expected and Daniel went to his cupboard and got his T-shirt out of it that he usually wore when he went to sleep. He got off of his pants and stood there in his boxers, and then he quickly got rid of his shirt and undershirt and slipped the T-shirt over. Ready for bed. Finally. It didn't take him too long to pay a visit to dreamland.
Mark was wondering about the guy Christoph had showed him. That guy was rather cute and looked quite well, but how the heck did Christoph think that this guy was gay?
'It's a feeling I have, inside here' Christoph had said and had pointed to his belly. A feeling inside... Something he seemed to lack of. He didn't know if he should believe this myth of "having feelings" or "vibes" about somebody. Wasn't it pure coincidence to meet someone? Probability was low to meet another gay guy who was in the closet and to know he was gay. If there was another guy who was in the closet like him and he met him, both of them would lie about their sexualities. Probably they would be talking about girls and stuff, and none of them would try something else. Why should they? Cause both of them would think the other one isn't gay or cannot be gay and so the conversation would be full of lies and made up stories about relationships which never existed.
Mark turned around in his bed and thought about it longer. Provided that Daniel was gay, did it mean that he already likes Christoph because he accepted to meet him tomorrow? Or did he meet him just because he was curious...or probably to get to know someone else, someone more like him.
Either way, Christoph was lucky to meet him. Yes it was luck, total coincidence that he bumped into him that day, resulting in a date tomorrow. Mark turned around to the other side and looked blindly into the darkness of his room. Darkness was what he felt around him most of the time. When he was among his friends, he thought that they didn't really know him, or how he felt. Not that he had a shallow relationship to most of them, but it unnerved him that he knew that he wouldn't feel comfortable telling everybody that he was gay. He couldn't do that... he feared their reactions; he feared that they wouldn't accept him, or would make fun of him. He longed for someone who was much like him, not out of the closet, with whom he could have his secretive, sweet relationship, without the fear of being laughed off... without his mother getting to know that he was gay.
Kevin turned towards his cupboard and started to get undressed, while looking around to see where his sweats were. Daniel could see the outlines of Kevin's body quite well in the twilight. Should he watch Kevin change his clothes or not?
He was tempted to, but he felt bad for taking a look at Kevin cause it was simply wrong to do so: Kevin's his friend and on top of that Kevin's straight and if that wasn't a reason enough then that Kevin had a girlfriend and if that still wasn't enough - Kevin didn't know that Daniel was gay. Daniel closed his eyes just to open them a couple of seconds later.
'God, I am sick... I shouldn't be doing this' he thought and continued to peek at him.
Kevin, still unable to find his sweats, got rid of his Shirt and the T-Shirt below, revealing his lightly haired chest. Daniel couldn't see too much but he had seen it a couple of times and he had liked what he had seen back then.
Why wasn't Kevin his boyfriend Daniel thought in a fragment of a second. Why couldn't be there a friend for him, just like Kaneda had Georg?
Kevin turned around and scratched his head still thinking where his sweats could be and Daniel could hear the noise it was making and he cracked a smile, but managed it, not to laugh or giggle at all. Kevin moved closer and looked at his bed where the item of his desire lay the whole time long.
'Such a dumbass I am...' Kevin said to himself and took off his trousers and boxers and slipped into his sweaters. Daniel couldn't see anything in particular but the sole thought of Kevin close to him changing gave him a tingle in his spine.
Kevin turned around again and he was standing now in front of Daniel who shut his eyes by instinct and continued to pretend to be asleep. He could hear that Kevin came closer; his bare feet were making a typical soft sound, that of human flesh touching something unvivid, death and cold. Daniel wondered if he should open his eyes again when he felt a slight breeze of air over his upper body. Kevin had bent down and was moving his hand a couple of millimeters above Daniel's back which seemed to be a move of admiration. Both of them could feel the heat of each other radiating trough the thin fabric of Daniel's T-Shirt. Daniel stopped to breath. What was Kevin doing there? He couldn't believe it, as much as he wanted to open his eyes, he couldn't, he kept his eyes closed, waiting for what would happen next. His heart was now pounding in his chest and he was barely able to breath silently.
Kevin came closer with his face and lowered it down just right above Daniel's cheek and the moist and warm breath of Kevin felt like silk stroking over his face. It was now when Daniel stopped breathing altogether. He was ecstatic, not knowing what really was happening, but hoping for something to happen... with his friend...
Kevin's lips softly caressed the flesh of Daniel's cheek and rested there for some seconds that seemed like an eternity to Daniel.
"Kevin what are you doing?!" he said and opened his eyes.
"Huh?" Kevin said, who seemed to getting on clothes in the other corner of the room.
Daniel was surprised, the light in the room stung his eyes and he was puzzled. Just a couple of seconds it was completely dark and now it was light?
"Hey, Dan? What's up? Had a nightmare? Involving me? Wanna tell me about it?"
It was just then when he realized that it all had been a dream. A strange dream though, involving the guy who was standing in front of him right now. He felt totally embarrassed.
"Wanna tell me what it was about?" Kevin asked him and smiled.
"Well ugh, I just remember that you were there and... ehm... you did something wrong". Daniel wondered why'd he said that. So wrong it didn't seem to him in the dream.
"Ah, what in particular?" Kevin said and went over to Daniel's bed, sitting down next to him.
"I can't remember it properly... I don't think it was a nightmare. No worries."
"Yeah well, it seemed that you had some sort of dream, you had thrown your blanket down to the ground half an hour back. I just put it back on to you."
"Thanks Kev," Daniel said and knew now what had caused this dream. He had to smile.
"Who is it?"
"Tis me man, Sven"
"Sven, come up!" Daniel said and waited at the door. He heard how Sven rushed up the stairs and he greeted Daniel at sight.
"What's up mate, thought of comin' over. Just for the sake of it!"
"Cool Sven, come on in," Daniel said and trotted off, leaving the door behind himself open.
"Anybody here? Seems that nobody's in your apartment lately"
"Well, I think Kaneda and Georg are here, they're in their room."
"Then let's get over, we might be able to challenge them to a round of Golden Eye, or what's that game called? Perfect Dark? 4 Players against each other. Quite cool, don't cha think?"
Daniel thought of it, and he wondered if Kaneda and Georg were busy at the moment or not... didn't know though. What if they were intimate, or something? Of course he had to knock the door, but.. well. How would Sven take it when both of them said they weren't able to let them in? It should be better to get something to drink first. Good Idea!
"Yeah why not, but let's get something to drink from the kitchen before, I'll get you something, make yourself comfortable in the living room!"
"Na, what should I do there, I'll just go over to Ken-Kaneda and GeForce Ge-Org."
Daniel felt how blood was rushing into his cheeks. All his efforts to digress from Kaneda and Georg for the time being failed. Now it was a matter of luck. Daniel went down to the kitchen and hoped Sven would have at least the manners to knock before entering, but thinking about it, Sven wasn't the type to do such a thing, and especially when there are two guys in a room. He simply hoped for the best.
Sven walked just in front of the door and just as Daniel had expected it, he didn't knock, instead he just popped open the door and jumped into the room.
"Hey mates!" he shouted.
Daniel stood where he was and had turned around.
"Hey Sven, ever heard something of knockin' the door before going in?" It was Georg's voice.
"Shut up Georg, who cares for that when there is you and Kaneda in the room?"
"It's not that just a matter of etiquette you know". Daniel turned around and headed into Kaneda's room. Georg was sitting there with his black shorts on and no T-shirt while Kaneda was sitting on his bed, with a T-shirt and Jeans holding a Controller in his hand waiting for the PSX to boot up.
"By the way, Nice build Georg," Sven said and grinned.
"Thanks man," Georg said and flexed his bicep showing off in a humorous way.
"If you'd do something for your body, you would also look much better Sven"
"Are you sayin' that I'm not looking good?"
"Yeps, you got it boy, that's what he's saying," Kaneda said.
"Eat this Georg," Sven said and showed him his middle finger with a grin.
"So what about it Kaneda - Georg, wanna play some rounds of Perfect Dark with us?"
Georg looked at Kaneda, and both of them had some sort of communication between them that was not visible to the others.
"Not now Sven, we both need to go.."
"Uh-huh.. and where to?"
"... just out, you know some uni-stuff and to the gym," Kaneda said a little hesitantly, "but that doesn't mean that you guys can't use my consoles. Just use them. Georg - let's get going."
Georg went over to a drawer, took a white T-shirt and his trousers which were lying on the ground and got dressed in some seconds. Put on the shoes, that was it and off they went.
"Well it seems like they didn't want to socialize with us, don't you agree Daniel?"
"Hmm.. whatever. Let me get some cokes - or do you want a can of beer?"
"Beer for me."
When Daniel returned, Sven hadn't turned the N64 on - he had turned off the PSX instead, leaving everything shut off.
"Ehm well... didn't we wanna play?"
"Well only against you it's quite boring... since you're such a loser," Sven said and grinned.
Daniel looked at him, placed the cans on the chair beside him and dashed all of a sudden towards Sven, facing him, "Say that again!"
"You're a looser!" Sven said and grinned.
"Oh well, I know, who cares Sven," Daniel said and turned around heading back for the cans.
Sven, having a surprised look on his face, stood up and walked towards Daniel.
"Hey, you know that I'm just teasing you, don't you?"
"Yeah sure," Daniel replied, turned around in a swift move and grabbed Sven by the shoulder pushing him down to the ground sitting on top of him - an attack that Sven hadn't expected.
Sven was looking without any sort of emotion at Daniel which puzzled Daniel now.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing man."
"Sorry, I haven't hurt you? Have I?" Daniel asked him and stood up giving him a hand.
"No, not at all," Sven said taking Daniel's hand and pulling himself back up.
"So why so silent all of a sudden?"
"Well dunno.. just like that."
"Here, take your can."
"Thanks."
Daniel walked over to the bed where Kaneda was sitting previously and waited for Sven. And when he didn't follow Daniel started to become uneasy.
"Is everything ok with you? Is something bothering you?"
"No Dan," Sven said and grinned all of a sudden again. He walked over dragging the chair behind himself, which he positioned right in front of where Daniel was sitting and sat down on it.
"You wanted to tell me what this is all about?" He said, rendering Daniel completely speechless.
"Huh?"
"Man! That was Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds in the Coolio Video 'Gangster's Paradise' - don't you remember that one? It's a classic!"
Daniel had no clue what to say. 'First Sven behaves just like usual, cheerful and jokingly, and then he gets serious and cloudy just to return to his funny mood' Daniel thought.
He decided that he should at least try again to ask him about it... probably they had more in common than they knew about each other yet.
"Hey... Sven... is everything all right? I mean really all right? I mean," he stopped and tried to remember what Kaneda used to say when he felt low but couldn't quite figure it out," I am your friend and...ehm.."
"It's nothing... please stop asking me about it." Sven said looking down.
Daniel didn't know what to say at the moment. He wondered if he should try again or if he should just leave him like that. He felt like putting an arm around Sven, giving him some comfort but then he didn't know if this was a good idea. Why wasn't anybody here to help him? He looked at Sven who was still looking down, not noticing anything, seemingly in an own alternate reality. Then suddenly he looked up again.
"So what's with Perfect Dark?"
"Sure..." Daniel said hesitantly and stood up, to get the N64 ready for some rounds of PD. It wasn't quite easy to do so, for Kaneda had managed to mess up all the cables: The controllers, the power chords, the AV-chords - simply everything. Daniel sighed and started to get this mess straightened. In the meanwhile Sven started to roam around in the room, looking at different things Kaneda and Georg had in their room. There wasn't much on the wall apart from that Trainspotting poster which must've been Kaneda's he assumed. Then there was another poster from the motion picture "Suicide Kings" with Christopher Walken in the middle of it confined to a chair... That made him a little thoughtful in two ways. He didn't know that film at all and he somehow felt a bit like Walken on this poster. And to whom that poster belonged was totally unclear to him.
Daniel had cleared most of the stuff in the meanwhile and fired the N64 up, readying it for Perfect Dark when Sven suddenly turned around and tackled Daniel throwing him down to the floor. He looked into his eyes not knowing what was happening when Sven's facial expression went to a broad smile.
"You're going to be my friend always, right?"
"Sure Sven...don't you want to tell me what this is all about?" Daniel said, and grinned when he had just repeated that Pfeiffer-Line.
Sven cracked a smile, looked up and then back to him, "Yeah... well actually why not?"
Both of them stood up and sat down on the bed. Daniel was waiting patiently for him to start, because he didn't want to push him at all.
"It's a silly problem... I think I fell in love or have a crush!"
Daniel was totally silent now. Not knowing what was coming next he decided it was best to keep his mouth shut. He could feel how the blood rushed into his head and that he was slightly reddening but he had to concentrate not to get totally red.
"But there's a problem Dan. The person I love, well... it's complicated..."
"Is it?" Daniel said, and his voice cracked at the second word which made Sven look at him.
"Yeah, well... I love that person and I think... well... ugh!"
Many thoughts where rushing trough Daniel's mind by now. His imaginations blurred all the possibilities of what could happen from now on into his mind to something that wasn't comprehensible. Daniel unable to bear what Sven is going to tell opened his mouth and the sentences flew out of his mouth as if they had always been there, just unspoken, "Well Sven, you better tell me. What is it? Or who is it? You can tell me, can't you?"
"Well that's the whole problem I think... I don't know if I can tell you..."
Silence.
"Why that though?" Daniel asked looking at Sven.
"Cause you're involved!"
"I am involved?"
"Yeah!" he said and looked down, and now it was Sven's turn to become red.
"How am I involved Sven?" Daniel said, and starting to get bolder, could it be that Sven was trying to tell him something? Probably something concerning him a lot more than he thought?
"Well..."
"Sven... just tell me, I won't mind." he said and thought it was the best sentence he had said so far. A bit childish, but good nonetheless.
"Well... okay then," Sven said, and exhaled, "remember when Kevin, Georg, Kaneda you and I went to that Club that night?"
"Yeah sure"
"Well it happened there, I mean... god, how should I explain that!"
"Just tell me now..."
"Ok...you were standing there with this one girl, one of Sabina's girlfriends,"
"And?"
"And it was apparent that she was hitting on you, but I wasn't quite sure if you were,"
"..."
"Anyhow... jeezuz.. it's silly! I mean I have a total crush... on that girl!!" He said and looked down.
"But I don't know if you... you got any further with her... You know it's totally cool if you get together with her... it's just that... oh man... Daniel... don't make it so hard for me... please..."
It took a while for Daniel to understand but then he got the picture.
"Man Sven! I thought it was something serious. I'm completely uninterested in that girl! So it's ok if you try to get something going with her," he said and sighed.
"Really?!"
"Yeah sure, and I thought you were in deep shit or something,"
Sven displayed one of his sunnyboy-smiles, "Well... of course I would've been if you were interested yourself and I would start to do the same, I mean I would be a total asshole then, and I have a total problem with that, but this girl, ugh... she's so damn sexy and I didn't know if I was able to stop drooling over her... and since you're my friend I had a total problem with that Daniel cause... I don't want to interfere, you know..."
"Yeah I got the picture Sven, just relax, you can have her..."
"And you're really not interested Daniel? Come on, she's totally hot! And totally sweet too!"
"Na, I don't like brunettes, I've a problem with that, I like blonde girls over such ... brunettes," he said and sighed inside that he had started lying again about girls.
"Man I -am- happy! I am so damn fuckin' happy!" Sven shouted and hugged Daniel hard.
"Hey hey, watch it... Don't break my delicate bones... and by the way. Who says she likes you anyhow?"
"Well... I'll make her like me," Sven said and put on his sunnyboy-grin again.
"I bet you'll make it... Good Luck!"
It was around 5 pm when Sven left and Daniel was starting to get nervous. Nobody was in the apartment at the moment and he didn't know when Kaneda and Georg would return. The only ones to probably help him with his stuff. Where was Kevin? But Kevin wasn't help either. At least he would feel somehow more comfortable.
"Why didn't we actually stay there Kaneda?" Georg asked me all of a sudden.
I actually didn't think about it until we were out.
"I don't know Georg, I just thought it would be better leaving them alone... Remember Sven kissing Daniel?"
"Sure do," Georg said and smiled to me.
"Well even though Daniel explained to us how that happened, I still think there can be something more to it, don't you agree?"
"Thinking about it, you might be right..."
We continued to walk towards the universities library and Georg who was walking next to me was a little too close but I didn't mind at all. Actually I would have liked to hold his hand right now but I didn't want to attract other people's attention towards us. That was something I didn't want to happen.
Georg was looking great as usual. He hadn't prepared himself at all, but his hair was still spiky, as if he'd just put in some gel before we left. Same with his combination of clothes. They matched.
I looked over at him, right into his eyes and smiled.
"What's on your mind?"
"Nothing in particular. Just... that I adore you man..."
Georg's smile broadened and I saw how he felt like kissing me, but he stopped doing so, knowing that here on the campus it wasn't a wise thing to do.
Inside the library there were some guys we knew, and some we didn't. All in all it was very quiet and we hadn't gone there in search for a book or something particular. We just thought that this old building which had been restored a couple of years ago was looking great.
The library consisted of a huge hall, where the information desk was nearly always occupied by that old hag which seemed to be annoyed when queried for some piece of information. I wondered why she was working here at all. If she was so annoyed by us students she could have worked in the cities library or somewhere else. But she was still here. And from what I have heard she had been working here since 40 years. Probably she was simply unable to work anywhere else, probably she had got used to it, and it might have been also true that in the beginnings she liked the students, when she was more their age.
Either way, she was sitting there now, looking over a register with her reading glasses on which were attached to a golden chain so she would never loose them since they would be hanging just below her bosom. On the other side were some tables where students could simply read in books and work in groups - silently of course. It wasn't a very rare thing that the old hag would stand up from her chair and walk down to the tables, just to "straighten" the students to be quieter. Behind these tables were the shelves with books which one couldn't take out of the library - they were only for viewing.
In the back of the hall there were two stairs leading to the upper segment, which encircled the group of tables and the table of the old hag. If one wanted, one could directly spit, piss or shit on that cow's head ... but well. Who would do such a nasty thing anyhow, but hey, I forgot Jens... he had pissed on the bed of that guy if I remember correctly.
What I liked most about the library was the roof. I sometimes caught myself looking at it longer than looking into the books. It was ornamented with some paintings and it resembled more the roof of a church than a roof of a library but the spiritual feeling a church created was entirely lacking here. The colors were vivid but not annoying. The composition of each of the 4 segments was harmonized with the rest of the interior of the hall. I liked it. The left and right wing of the library were used for internal purposes - I would've liked to see what they looked like, but only the librarians could go there.
"Hey Kaneda, move on. You started daydreaming again," Georg said.
"Oops, sorry!"
"Nevermind"
We walked straight to the stairs and went up the left one, to a table that was seldomly used by other students. I wondered if any of them knew there were tables on this upper floor.
Georg sat down on the chair, and looked behind him to check whether someone was around when he waved me to get closer.
I did as he wanted and he embraced me and placed a kiss on my face.
"I just had the urge to do this since your sentence from earlier..."
I smiled at him and after a pause I hugged him tight after which I sat on the other chair.
"You wanna go to the gym later on?" I asked him.
"Sure."
"Good. What else could we do right now'?"
"Hmm... I don't have a clue; I think it's quite ok here. We're rather alone here," he said and smiled mischievously.
I grinned back and then kissed him.
"Hey Kaneda,"
"Yeah?"
"Did you notice that other guy with this guy yesterday?"
"What are you talking about?" I said, not knowing what Georg was inferring to.
He got closer and put his hand on my thigh, "Man... the guy who came to us at the party."
"Oh yes!"
"Well, I mean the other guy with him. That dark-haired guy... or... I don't know what his hair color was heh, just that other guy."
"Yeah? What's with him?"
"He was completely nervous."
"Hmm?"
"He was nervous."
"Hmm... No I think he wasn't. I think he was embarrassed."
"Yeah that's also likely."
"When was this meeting... or let's call it date of Daniel's?"
"At 6pm"
"It's some minutes past 5. Probably we should check back home and see if he's doing alright"
"Okay, Kaneda. Let's head back"
"So you're going there?"
"Sure I am M, do you think this looks good?"
"Yeah it does," Mark replied, not really paying attention to what Christoph was holding in front of him.
"Well I still cannot believe it you did that C."
"As you see, I did. By the way: Jules was hitting on you pretty much last night. Ain't you interested in her? She's looking good."
"Ah nah... Jules just goes on my nerves at some extent."
Christoph turned around looking at Mark being intrigued.
"Actually I thought you were interested in her?"
Mark didn't say anything on that line and it triggered a process in his mind he tried to avoid many times. Why was he feeling so uncomfortable simply telling Christoph about himself? He had played it trough a couple of times in his imagination but the result of this process was never really satisfying.
"I am simply not."
"Hey Dan, you in?"
"Yeah, here in my room."
Georg shut the door behind him and they went straightly down to Daniel and Kevin's room.
"And Daniel? Getting ready for the big date in a bit?"
"Hey it ain't a date! It's uh... just a meeting."
"Well you know what I think Daniel, that guy is heavily interested in you and probably you should give him a chance. Check it out."
Daniel looked at Kaneda and his look was very uncertain.
"You know what Daniel? Georg and I will be in the cafeteria, which is very close to the cafe where you'll be meeting that guy... What was his name again?"
"Christoph."
"Yes Christoph... So if something goes wrong or you feel simply uncomfortable, you... well just keep on scratching your head. I will see that and we'll come over."
Daniel smiled at this suggestion, "Hey this is nice of you, but I think it won't get this bad."
"Well I don't think that too, but just in case you know."
"Yeah, in that case Kaneda will pull out some karate moves and I will simply gives his face a new look," Georg said and grinned.
Daniel and Kaneda both looked the same time at him, expressionless.
"Come on guys, this was just a joke... a JOKE!"
"I know... I am just teasing you," Kaneda said.
Daniel was wearing his casual stuff, a wide khaki with the key chain hanging down his right leg. He was wearing the things that were most comfortable to him as he wore his old, rough shoes and his old Dickies sweater which looked so washed out that Georg would have certainly thrown it away. It was very much Daniel, but not much to impress anybody.
The 3 of them got going and a couple of hundred meters away from the cafeteria Kaneda stopped.
"Let's wait here for some minutes. You certainly don't need to be the first there as I am expecting this guy to be a little late. I don't know why..."
"I don't think he'll be late," Georg argued,"...did you forget how straightly he approached us in that party? And that he asked him out? I bet he will be there as he certainly wants to make a good impression."
Kaneda thought about it and then had to agree to Georg's point.
"I think you're right. Daniel - how are you feeling?"
"Ok I guess."
"That's a good attitude, just think you're meeting... ehm... Pawel."
Daniel laughed at this one, "Yeah I think this is somehow similar."
The guys continued to approach their destinations, with Kaneda and Georg entering the cafeteria from the back entrance so Christoph wouldn't spot them who might be sitting in the cafe already.
"Let's get to that table over there. From there we'll have a good view to the window site of the cafe," Georg suggested.
Both of them sat down at the table and looked how Daniel was walking towards the cafe.
"I hope he's ok," Kaneda spoke more to himself than to Georg.
"I bet he'll be. Kaneda, I'll get something to drink, will be right back."
"Ok."
Daniel was getting closer to the cafe and now his heart started to beat harder. He knew that this Christoph was gay; there was no doubt about it. And this guy was looking quite good, that he knew as well. And that it was the first time he ever had a date with a guy. The feelings he was getting now were totally different from what he had thought he would have when he fantasized about meeting somebody he liked.
Daniel exhaled and realized that he was standing in front of the entrance of the cafe. Kaneda had told him to sit down somewhere close to the windows, so they could see them. He opened the door and immediately a smell of coffee, cake and cigarettes welcomed him. He gazed around to see if Christoph was sitting somewhere. The first time he looked all over the place he didn't see him, but the second time he looked he saw him sitting in the corner of the cafe where some rubber plants were and less tables were situated. He inhaled and started to walk down to where Christoph was sitting.
He didn't really know why he was doing it, but nonetheless he had come down to the cafeteria - probably he could sneak a look at the cafe from some good place there. Maybe Christoph was right though... and this guy, Daniel, was gay. If Daniel really followed Christoph's invitation, then the probability that he was gay was high. Why else would he meet a guy he hardly knows, Mark thought. He stepped into the cafeteria and looked around. There were enough places left at the window from where one would have a good view to the cafe - so he would just sit down there, pretending he was working but trying to get a look at them. Maybe he would see them. He didn't know though. He walked down and put his bag and his register on the table and sat down. He looked around and couldn't spot Christoph in the cafe. Maybe he hadn't arrived yet. He opened his bag and took a book out of it, placing it as well on the table, then all of a sudden started browsing in it. He wasn't really noticing what he was looking at; his mind was completely elsewhere. What if this Daniel guy was really gay? What if he was? That guy looked really good. Cute. He cracked a smile. He had never called a guy cute in his life up to now. Good looking, yeah, handsome, maybe... But cute, not yet.
He looked over again and still couldn't see Christoph in there nor Daniel. After some more minutes had passed, he decided to get himself something to drink, maybe a bite to eat. Probably a bagle? With salmon? Or Ham? Or a piece of cake? Hell, he thought, let's get something.
There wasn't much of a variety in bagles as he stood in front of them. Only veggie-bagles were there and he didn't feel like veggie today. He turned around and looked further down, seeing fries, chicken pieces, mushrooms in cream and other things he couldn't really tell what they were. He decided to go for a plate of fries with some chicken wings and a coke. Something sober, which saturated pretty well. Mark queued in the line and waited for his turn.
Georg, who was standing in the queue of the cash desk parallel to the one where Mark queued, was looking at the people in front of him. There was a fat girl right in front of him and he could easily look what she was carrying. She got herself a diet coke, an apple and a bagle. The interesting thing about the meal was, that this bagle was full of fresh cheese and creams, which parodied the rest of her meal. Georg grinned. He bet that this girl was on diet and she was just allowing herself a "little snack" in between the two real meals. There was a Korean guy standing before her. His head was rather big and he was wearing glasses that were oversized for his face. He wasn't holding any tablet but a cup of coffee and his bag under his left arm. Georg continued his search for oddities in the queues but he didn't find anything noteworthy in his own queue so he switched to the one on the other side. The guy, or rather the man who was paying at the moment was looking rather shabby, as it seemed that guy was not a student but rather some tramp who was giving back some of the mugs well-off students had just left on the campus. You got quite a fortune if you collected them and gave them back, so he was getting his reward now. The guy right behind him was not interesting at all, so Georg skipped him. The girl behind him was very thin, and it seemed that her middle finger was her best friend, and that throwing up was something she did as often as others phoned he thought. Maybe she was ill, or thin by nature, how could he really ever tell. The guy standing behind her was more interesting. Georg knew him. But he couldn't exactly tell from where. As he looked more at him and thought he knew that he had met him recently... It was on his mind. He knew him. Not very well. But he knew him. Then it popped into his mind as if it had always been there in the first place. It was that guy standing behind Christoph, probably a friend of his.
"Hey, ssht... hey!" Georg said. He didn't know why though, but he did it, he had to know if he was right.
The girl turned around and smiled at the sight of this hunk in front of her. Georg smiled back but then said again "hey" and she got that she wasn't meant. Quite embarrassed, she turned around, pretending as if nothing had happened.
Now Mark turned around and looked at Georg, not realizing who this was.
Georg walked over with his tablet and stood in front of him.
"I think I know you..."
"From some course?" Mark asked.
"I think from the Cartier Latin, do you remember? Were you there?"
It immediately popped into Mark's brain now. This was one of the friends of Daniel.
"Oh yeah, I think I know you... oh I am sorry for what happened!"
"Ehm... why are you sorry. Nothing happened?"
"Well I found it somehow embarrassing... I mean how must have this looked to you guys when my friend came over and stuff."
"It wasn't embarrassing I can tell you," Georg said and smiled.
Mark, not knowing what to say, smiled back.
"We're sitting over there, do you want to join us?"
Mark thought it over. Making new friends is always good he thought and, hey, if this guy was here, then Daniel must be here as well. And so, he could probably speak himself now with Daniel... After all he was here because he had the urge to get to know if this guy was gay or not. If he was sitting here and not with Christoph, then the likeliness that he was gay was low... but if he was with Christoph then... Mark started to get confused by his thoughts and the guy in front of him was waiting for an answer.
"Yeah, why not," he said.
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