Since the last chapter was a bit of a downer, this one is mostly smut, as in X-rated-I'd-die if-my-mom-read-this smut. Whether it's good smut, I'll leave to you. And hopefully it's not just smut, because I'm trying to tell a story too, and have it be somewhat meaningful. Let me know what you think, if you're so inclined - especially if it made you feel so hot and bothered you could hardly stand it. The address is Denis141@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: I don't know any member of NSYNC, and this story, well, I made the whole damn thing up. Yeah, and one more thing, this story has sex in it (although not as much as some would like), so, if that's not your thing, or if you ain't old enough, you should stop reading now.
CHAPTER 16: Safe.
"Of course you will cease to breathe, sometime; probably you will cease to breathe before I do, though there's no way to know this, really. But your being, your being-in-me, will last as long as I do, wont it?"
--Mark Doty, Heaven's Coast, a memoir (1996).
It was barely morning, and without even looking at the clock on the bedside table Lance knew that it couldn't be much past six. He also knew that Aaron was sure to be up soon, wanting to have waffles for breakfast and to ride his new tricycle. But at least he didn't wake up tonight, screaming and crying and wanting to sleep in bed with us.
Lance was lying on his side and his arms were wrapped around JC, who was still asleep and softly snoring. Lance buried his face in JC's hair, which was still long and wavy from having not been cut in months. His hair smelled faintly of chlorine. From the pool. He and JC had been playing with Aaron in the pool late yesterday afternoon, and they'd not had time to shower afterwards. It seemed that there was never enough time anymore, and every night they went to bed exhausted, and fell asleep immediately. But Lance didn't mind; he'd never been happier.
Lance pressed his hips into the small of JC's back, and pulled him closer, kissing his hair, and his ear, and all along the back of his neck. JC moaned sleepily, not fully awake, but feeling now the pressure of Lance's erection pressing into his lower back and then sliding down some so it was cradled in the cleft of his ass. JC's skin felt suddenly electric, like it was buzzing with power, and it tingled and flushed warm where Lance touched him, on his chest and then his nipples and then his stomach and then between his legs. Lance wrapped both of his hands around JC's quickly stiffening cock, sliding them up and down over the length of it, and then just holding it, and enjoying the way it seemed to pulse in his hand, and felt hot and alive.
Pulling partly away, Lance rolled JC on to his back and gently pressing him flat against bed, and then slid on top of him. JC slipped his arms around Lance's chest and pulled himself up into Lance's kiss, which was insistent and unashamedly lustful.
"It's been at least three weeks," Lance said.
Lance's words were guttural, practically a growl, and it made JC laugh.
"Twenty-six days, actually," JC said, , then returning to the kiss.
"You think?" Lance said, snapping his head back and looking at JC. "Really?"
"Yeah," JC said, biting Lance's chin, and then kissing it. "I've counted."
"Obviously," Lance said, laughing, then sitting slightly up, and straddling JC's hips. "So would it be too much of a cliché to say I want you really bad right now."
JC sat up in bed now too, kissing Lance again, and mumbling into the kiss.
"It would be a horrible cliché," JC said. "But I don't mind."
Lance was sitting fully on JC's lap now, and his legs were half-wrapped around him. JC's erection was poking up between Lance's thighs, and pushing against his balls as JC thrust it there, slowly but without stopping. Lance reached down and rolled the foreskin down from the head of JC's cock, feeling for the slick-liquid he knew he'd find there, and finding it, and tasting it too.
"Looks like you're ready to go," Lance whispered in JC's ear.
"You would not believe how close I am to coming already," JC laughed.
"Me too," Lance said, making a fist around JC's cock, and jacking it slowly, and squeezing it at the top, his fist quickly slick with the liquid there. "Really close. But you go first."
"No, together," JC said, grabbing Lance's cock now too. "Together."
"Josh," Lance hissed, as he felt JC's fingers squeeze and tighten around it, and move up and down.
"Yeah, I know."
"Okay," Lance said, his voice tremulous and full of breath. "I'm there."
"Uh-huh," JC said, his voice going higher, sounding nearly like a gasp of pain.
"Oh, Josh...here goes," Lance said, clutching JC's shoulders and shaking them, like you would when trying to revive someone who had fallen unconscious.
JC leaned forward and kissed Lance, plunging his tongue deep into his mouth. He felt Lance's frantic breathing hot on his lips, and the sudden spasmodic surge of his own orgasm, and his body giving itself over to it, surrendering to the manic pleasure of it, and the spastic spurting splattering splashes of near-hot liquid on his hand and stomach and thighs and balls and chest, everywhere, as JC kept thinking Lance, Lance, and then collapsed against him, clinging to him, panting, and mumbling, "Oh my god."
"That was amazing," Lance said, shuddering in JC's arms, as if he was freezing cold, even though he was covered in sweat and felt anything but cold.
"You made me see stars," JC said, still trying to catch his breath.
"See?" Lance said. "That's nothing. I'm blind now!"
"You're still beautiful," JC said, tilting his head back to look at him.
"You think?" Lance said. "You should see me in the shower though. Now, that's beautiful."
"Is that an invitation?"
"You're damn right it is," Lance said, running his fingers slowly across JC's stomach, and enjoying the feel of its warm stickiness.
"Hey, that tickles," JC squealed, shoving Lance backwards and quickly crawling out of bed.
"Where do you think you're going?" Lance shouted, looking up at JC from where he now lay stretched across the bed.
"To take a shower," JC said. "So are you coming?"
"I just did."
"You're so bad." JC said, turning and heading for the bathroom.
"Only as bad as you want me to be," Lance called after him.
Lance watched JC walk into the bathroom, unable to look away from the sight of JC, his strong round ass, and the way his legs were long and lithe and strong - all at the same time, and the way he could see JC's balls from behind, because the beauty of these legs was also in the way that his thighs didn't press together when he walked, almost as if his legs had been constructed with this precise view in mind. For a moment, a brief moment, Lance thought of going to check on Aaron, but followed JC into the bathroom instead, coming up behind him, and gathering him into his arms.
"You know what?" Lance whispered into JC's ear.
"Yeah...actually, I do," JC said, laughing and pulling his hand back from where it was about to turn on the water in the shower.
"What do you mean!" Lance said, trying to sound insulted.
"I mean I know where you want to put this," JC said, reaching behind his back and grabbing hold of Lance's erection and shaking it.
"Well...it's not been in there for a while."
"No, it hasn't."
"So what do you think?" Lance said, arching his eyebrows in that way he always did when he wanted to get JC to do something.
"Well I think someone best be getting busy," JC said, turning around and resting his elbows on Lance's shoulders. "That's what I be thinking."
"Okay then," Lance said. "How about this."
"Mmm," JC said. "That was nice."
"Yeah? You like that?"
"I do."
"How about this," Lance said.
"This isn't fair," JC said, his voice light and high and happy.
"It's not about fair," Lance said, running the tip of his tongue up from the base of JC's neck, across his chin, and then to his lips, where he kissed him.
"So, maybe we should get you up on the counter," Lance said. "Like this,"
"What?" JC said, his eyes wide now, and his lips wet and puffy.
"Here," Lance said, helping JC up on the counter and raising one of his legs as he did it, and then dropping to his knees while JC slid slightly forward so that he was barely on the counter now, and it was only Lance's hands that were holding him up there.
"I love to lick this," Lance said, his tongue flicking at it as he spoke.
JC leaned his shoulders back against the mirror, and laid one arm across his face, his hand grasping and squeezing the back of his own neck. With his other hand he held tight to the faucet, not wanting to slip off the counter, but knowing too that Lance was holding him up, and he wouldn't fall.
"You like that," Lance teased, softly nipping at the inside of JC's thigh.
JC groaned, and then groaned louder and began banging his head softly against the mirror. He could feel Lance's tongue slick and slipping inside him. Taking his arm off his face, JC put his other hand down on the counter and raised himself up so that only his hands touched the counter now, and he was pressing down against Lance's face and mouth and tongue, his groans becoming whimpers now, getting louder, sounding almost like words, but in some strange and ancient foreign language, like a Pentecostal preacher engulfed by the spirit and speaking in tongues.
"Hold on cowboy," Lance laughed, pulling his face away and licking his lips and chin with a noisy-wet smacking sound. "This is just Act one, so don't get too far ahead."
JC moaned, sounding disappointed, but giggling too. His eyes were shut against the intensity of the feelings surging through him. His skin tingled like he'd been slapped all over, and he knew his face was flushed and damp with sweat. JC could feel Lance climb to his feet, standing between his spread and outstretched legs, still holding him up, and not letting him fall. JC's arms trembled from the effort of supporting himself on the counter, but didn't feel week, or about to buckle until he felt Lance's finger slip suddenly into him, and JC's eyes sprung open, and he saw Lance staring at him, smiling at him, his mouth slightly open as he leaned forward to kiss him, and then did.
"Do we have any condoms?" Lance whispered, licking one of JC's nipples, which were red and swollen hard, and then sucking it, and grating it with the sharp edge of his teeth, but not biting.
"It's okay," JC said, gasping a little as he felt two fingers now.
"No, I need to," Lance said, slowly lowering JC so that he was sitting on the counter again.
"Um...in the drawer, I think."
With his free hand, Lance pulled open the drawer next to the sink, and searched noisily through its contents, trying to identify things by touch alone.
"Fuck," Lance said, slipping his fingers out of JC. "One sec."
As JC felt the sudden absence of Lance's finger, it made him feel almost sad. He watched as Lance rummaged through the drawer and then finally found a condom. JC closed his eyes again, and tilted his head back against the mirror, crouched on the counter, holding himself with one leg and Lance's help, and listening to the sound that he knew was Lance opening the condom wrapper with his teeth. Then there was the quiet that he knew was Lance putting the condom on, rolling it on with one hand, and then the feel of both of Lance's hands on him again, lifting him up again, supporting him, so that JC could put one hand back on Lance, and then the feel of the soft-pushing that was Lance pressing it up against him, ready to enter, poised there, right there, where JC knew it would soon go in. But before the going in, and before the being in, there was always the waiting, waiting for just a moment only, and the slow inhaling of a single deep breath, and the getting ready, and then the feel of the harder pushing - now, and JC pushed against it, wanting it in, wanting it more than air to breathe.
"Go slow," JC said, gritting his teeth a little, and panting, and keeping his eyes closed, knowing he would open them as soon as Lance was in him.
"Oh man," Lance said, feeling the head of it slip in. "You are...you are so..."
JC let out a long slow breath, his eyes open now because he couldn't keep them closed, and because it was almost as if Lance being in him had forced them open, and forced him to look at him, and see Lance being in him now, and see Lance with his own eyes closed, and biting his lip so hard that JC wondered whether it hurt. Lance opened his eyes too, and saw JC looking at him.
"I'm just in," Lance whispered, as if astonished by the fact of it being in at all.
"Yeah."
"Does it hurt?"
"A little. It's been a while. I'm a little..."
"Tight."
"Uh-huh."
"You ready now?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, here goes."
"Oh, fuck, Lance!"
"Are you okay. Should I stop."
"No, no. Keep going. It was just..."
"Kind of a shock."
"Yeah, a shock."
"How about now."
Oh...that's good."
"Josh."
"Are you in?"
"Yeah. All in."
"You feel good in me."
"It feels good to be there. Really good."
JC felt Lance slowly pull back out of him, not all the way, but mostly. He could feel the tug of Lance pulling out, tugging him forward as if his body didn't want to let go of him, and barely would. JC tried to relax the grip of it, but couldn't, and then wouldn't, feeling ecstatic about this invasion, this being in him, and the feeling of completion, and how he felt suspended in mid-air almost, held up by Lance, and not falling.
"Who loves you JC?" Lance whispered to him, kissing JC's chest. "Tell me."
"You do, Lance."
"Yeah...I do Josh. I do."
"I missed this."
"Me too. Me too."
"Uh-huh."
JC had one leg draped over Lance's shoulder and the other one pulled up on to the counter so that he was half-crouched there, hanging off the edge of the sink now, one hand in it, holding himself up as Lance leaned into him, plunged into him, faster now, and picking up a more frantic speed. JC's other hand gripped the back of Lance's neck, tugging on him, and pulling Lance toward him, wanting to ride him almost, wanting the feel of Lance's hip-bone and stomach slapping against his ass and thighs, and then letting go for only a moment as Lance pulling away and almost out of him, and then tugging him back as he drove back into him.
Lance was talking, but it sounded like noisy gibberish, indecipherable except for the frantic chant of I love you, Josh, I love you Josh, I love you, which was itself nearly drowned out by JC's own frantic chant of Lance, Lance, Lance, Lance, and then JC gasping and suddenly coming, shooting, spurting, spraying, coming, shooting, spurting spraying, and almost screaming and driving down on it, on Lance, on Lance being in him, and feeling Lance coming too, coming and lifting JC up off the counter, and lunging into him one last time as he held JC in his arms, in mid-air, holding him up, not letting him fall, holding him until they slumped together against the counter, taking loud and greedy gulps of air, and covered with stinging sweat and the salty-sweet stickiness that JC had sprayed on Lance's stomach, so that it was now, as they were slumped together there, like glue binding them together, in each other's arms, holding each other up, and not falling.
"Is he asleep?" JC asked.
"Yeah," Lance said, joining JC at the kitchen table, and moving his lunch plate out of the way so that he could rest his arms there.
"I need to ask you something."
"Okay."
"Yeah, about the condom," JC said. "Does that mean you've been unsafe."
"Yes," Lance said, looking at the back of his hands and then back at JC. "But not before, not when I was with you. Only after, when we were apart."
"You need to get tested then," JC said, firmly, but without any anger.
"I know," Lance said.
"Because..." JC started, but then let the sentence end, knowing that Lance knew what he was intending to say.
"To be safe."
"That's right."
"I'll go right now," Lance said, standing up.
"Do you want me to come with you?" JC asked.
"No, stay with Aaron," Lance said. "I won't be long. I'll go to the clinic."
Lance found JC asleep in Aaron's room, sitting in the rocking chair, his journal open on his lap, and a pen on the floor next to him, where it had obviously fallen. Lance knew that the journal was probably full of dark and worried words, and it made him feel sad to imagine what JC had been going through these last two hours. Aaron was still asleep, but starting to stir, and Lance knew he'd be awake in a few minutes more. Lance reached out and gently shook JC's shoulder.
"Josh," Lance said, crouching down next to JC, and shaking his shoulder again.
JC woke up suddenly, with a pained and startled look on his face.
"Lance," JC said, standing up and knocking his journal to the floor.
"Josh, I'm fine," Lance said, kissing JC and pulling him into his arms. "I'm fine."
"Oh, god, I'm so glad," JC said, hugging Lance so tightly it was almost painful. "I don't' want to lose you again."
"I know sweetie," Lance said, still holding JC, and not letting go. "I have to get tested again in another three months, but after that we'll know for sure. So we have to be safe until then."
"But they don't think," JC said, pulling half-away from Lance so he could look at him, and see his face, and look into his eyes.
"No, they don't think," Lance said. "They really don't. But I don't want to take any chances Josh. I'd rather die than hurt you again."
"Don't say that."
"But it's true."
"I know it is," JC said, kissing Lance, and then hearing Aaron start to cry.
Lance kissed JC again and then turned to where Aaron was standing up in his bed, hanging on to the rails that kept him safe from falling out.
"Hey there, little guy," Lance said, picking him up. "Did you have a nice nap?"
"No," Aaron said. "No naps!"
"Well, there you have it," JC said, picking up his journal from the floor, and then the pen. "No more naps for Aaron."
Lance laughed as he carried Aaron from the room. JC watched him go, smiling at the sight of it. He knew that Lance would take Aaron to the bathroom and that, once there, he would try to get him to pee standing up, which Aaron never did, at least not without getting it everywhere. Sitting back down in the rocking chair, JC opened his journal to the page he'd had it opened to before. It was blank, except for the date. Then JC took the pen and wrote:
"Today was a good day. It started with me and Lance making love, twice, one time right after the other (and with me on the bathroom counter, which I can hardly believe!) It was wicked fun and it made me feel happy and really good. I don't think I've ever felt so loved before, and so taken care of, and so safe."
JC closed the journal and put the cap back on the pen. There was nothing else to write, because there was nothing else to say. He did feel safe, and unafraid; and it was a good feeling, one JC thought he not only deserved, but had also earned.