Disclaimer: This is no way implies that any of the celebrities mentioned below are gay. This is a work of FICTION and should be viewed in that manner. We all just wish that this could be true, but once again reality bites.
Always and Forever - Chapter 1
As I sat at the bar pondering the meaning of life, a hand suddenly flew in front of my face. "Hey man are you OK?" the bartender asked.
"Yeah, I'll be alright, how about another beer." Rick my friend who was the bartender turned to get me another beer as I just sat there listless.
"Chris, do you need to talk? You know I am always here for you."
"Thanks, Rick. I am just going through some rough times that I don't want to get into here."
"Well, I get off in about an hour. Why don't we go somewhere and talk."
"Thanks man, I appreciate it."
"No prob, what else are bartenders good for?" Rick joked. I gave a half-hearted chuckle as he turned to help a couple who just entered. I finally snapped out of my daze and started noticing my surroundings. I was sitting alone in an up-scale bar drinking what I think is my 5th, no 6th beer. The bar is pretty busy and I start to notice some of the other patrons. A few people are talking, some are watching the basketball game and then there is THE couple.
I am not one to be envious, but this couple would make anyone want more out of a relationship. The petite blond woman with piercing blue eyes seems enthralled by her very handsome boyfriend. They keep sitting there kissing and hugging, doing the couple thing that make lonely people want to hurl.
As I keep watching them, the deep hurt of a lost love deepens. My melancholy mood turns south. I feel myself going deeper into my depression. 'Why can't I have that again?' I ask myself. God knows that I've tried. After breaking up with a very serious girlfriend a year ago, I have dated and tried to find someone to meet my social and inner needs. The one thing I loved most about Jana was being able to come home after work and just cuddle on the couch and hold each other. But, after finding her cuddled up in bed naked with another man, I knew something was amiss.
Finally, two or three beers later, Rick walks up and says, "You read to go?"
"Sure."
"Where to?"
"Anywhere there's more alcohol and less couples."
"What's up man? This isn't like you."
"I know. Let's just go and I'll explain later."
"Well, you're too drunk to drive, and I want to drive your car, so fork over the keys." I hand him the keys as we pile into my black Dodge Durango. He starts it up and off we go. "So, spill it. You need to get something off your chest."
"Do you know what day it is?" I ask forlornly.
"Yeah it's March 10th. So what?" Realization sets in. "Oh, now I get it. It's the dreaded anniversary."
"Yup. You got it in two."
"So, that's why you are so down, you're thinking about Jana."
"Yeah, I can't seem to get her out of my mind, especially today. On top of that everywhere I go I see some couple that makes me sick to my stomach. I guess I just need to go home and lock myself up for the next week until all of this passes."
"You know Becca and I would never let you do that."
"No, but maybe that's what I need."
"You know what you need?"
"I thought I just told you," I said dryly.
"You need a good old boys night out. It's still pretty early, and I don't have to work tomorrow, so, why don't we just go out and act crazy. It will take your mind off things, and I haven't been out with just another guy in a long time." Rick says hopefully I'll say yes.
"Sure whatever" sounding non-committal.
"Let me just call Becca and we'll be on our way." Rick picks up my cell phone and calls his wife, Becca who I went to college with and tells her our plans. She didn't have any problems with it and just told Rick to be careful.
As Rick hung up the phone he turns to me and says, "I know this great place where we can sit and have a few drinks and maybe if we're lucky find some women to dance with." Rick and Becca have been married for 8 years and Becca has no problems with Rick looking as long as he keeps his wedding vows to her. Rick is just a player, and he always goes home to Becca.
"Ok, let's do it," I finally say trying to pick up my spirit.
"Good Deal! Let's see if we can't get you laid tonight," he says with a wink and a smile.
We get to the club and it is packed. I am almost ready to tell Rick to forget it when something inside me urges me forward. When we get into the club, all you can see in the flashing light is smoke and gyrating bodies. Rick pulls me over to a table and proceeds to the bar to get us some liquid refreshment. He walks back with two beers in one hand and two shot glasses in the other. When he reaches the table, he sits everything down and says, "Shot of Tequila should help you get motivated." I laugh and shoot the gold liquid. The only thing I remember about the shot was the heat radiating from the back of my tongue down to my toes. As I sit the shot glass down, Rick hands me the other shot glass. I take it without thinking and just shoot it. Now 8 beers and 2 shots later, I am feeling pretty damn good. Rick doesn't have to try very hard to get me out on the dance floor. As we approach, I see a couple of women dancing together. Rick with apparently the same idea follows my lead and we head over and start dancing with them.
We are all having a good time. We keep dancing and moving to the beat. When it hits me, I have to go take a whiz. I excuse myself from my dance partner and yell to Rick where I'm headed and take off. As I am making my way through the crowd, two eyes following me catch my eye. Usually I wouldn't care, but those eyes belong to a very handsome man. After I broke up with Jana, I had experimented with a couple of my gay friends, nothing serious just a quick hand job or sometimes a blowjob, but other than that I was a virgin at gay sex. I had realized that I was somewhat attracted to men, but I was still attracted to women as well. After some soul searching, I realized that I was bisexual.
As I finished making my way to the restroom, I noticed another guy staring at me. 'Ok is there something wrong with me or am I just loosing my mind.' I think as I check myself over. Everything seems to be in order. I just shake it of and step up to the urinal and do my business, as I am standing there relieving myself in walks the first man who was staring at me. I just nod to acknowledge his presence and turn my thoughts to finish the task at hand [so to speak]. Once I finished, I zipped up and looked and saw him staring at me. I had had it. "Is there something hanging off my nose or do you just always stare at strangers?"
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to stare. I mean I guess I did, but, shit you look just like someone I knew a long time ago. I really am sorry."
"Don't worry about it. I was just getting a little paranoid. I thought maybe my fly was open or something," I quipped back.
"No, it's nothing like that. It just seems like I know you."
"My name is Christian Thomas, but everyone calls me Chris. Maybe that will help jog your memory if you know me."
"No, sorry Chris. The guy you reminded me of was named John."
"Well sorry I am not him. I guess I should get back to my friends. See ya around."
As I said that I turned and walked out the door. I tried to find Rick, but he was no where to be found. The buzz that I once had began to fade, so I headed for the bar to get another beer. As I approached I saw the guy from the restroom coming towards me. 'Oh, great, just what I need some jerk following me around.' I thought. The bartender sat my beer in front of me, just as the creep reached me. I fished in my pockets for my money, but the guy already laid some money on the bar to pay for the beer. I turned to stare into those mesmerizing eyes and said, "you don't have to pay for my drink. I do have money, you know?"
"I know. I just wanted apologize for acting like an idiot. Please just let me do this." He pleaded with me.
"Thanks, don't worry about playing the idiot. You just weirded me out that's all," I respond.
"Sorry, by the way my name is Kevin," he says as he extends his hand. I shake it and say, "It's a pleasure. You from around here?"
"No, me and some friends are here on business," he pauses. "Would you like to grab a seat and talk?"
"I guess, I can't seem to find my friend anyway."
As we head over to an empty table I catch a glimpse of Rick dancing. "Kevin, hang on just a sec. I just saw my friend and I need to tell him where I am." He just nods as I walk toward Rick. I tell Rick what's up and head back over to Kevin. As I sit down at the table, two other guys approach. They look vaguely familiar, but I can't place them. They step up to the end of the table Kevin says, "Hey guys!" The brunette pipes up, "What's up, cuz?"
"Not a whole lot sitting here talking to Christian, I mean Chris."
The two finally acknowledge my existence, but the blonde does a double take and says, "You know he looks a lot like John." The brunette looks again and his mouth drops open. "You're right. He does." Finally, I break the stares and say, "Well you seem to know my name, but who are you?"
Kevin snaps out of his daze, "I'm sorry Chris, let me introduce you. This is my cousin Brian and this is my colleague Nick." As we exchange pleasantries, two more guys join the table. One of them was the second guy that was staring at me. "oh, hey guys, Chris this is AJ and Howie" Kevin points them out.
"Nice to meet you. Name's Chris." I state as I extend my hand, which they both shake.
As we are all sitting around shooting the shit, Rick walks up. I introduce him to all of my newfound friends and he just looks at me weird. Rick says, "Aren't you guys the Backstreet Boys?" I look at him as if he had a third head. When Brian speaks up, "Yup, it's us in the flesh, but tonight we're just five guys out to have some fun."
I look back at them and finally realize where I had seen them before. Rick just keeps the conversation going and says, "Cool. It's great you can just come out and have a good time."
"Well, it's not always like that, but tonight no one has really seemed to take notice of us," AJ replies.
We keep sitting there talking and Rick says, "I'm going to go dance some more. Chris, you comin'?"
"Nah, I'm just going to sit here and chill for a minute. I'll catch up with ya in a little bit."
As Rick stands up to go back to the dance floor, so does everyone else but Kevin. I look at him and say, "You don't have to stay here with me. I'll be ok."
"I figured you would be, but I don't feel like dancing anymore." So, we just sit there and talk. I don't know what there is about him, but I sat there and told Kevin my life's story.
He seemed so interested and listened intently to what he could hear over the noise and music. As I stopped talking, I noticed he was staring at me again, but this time differently. I don't know how but the stare was more comfortable than weird. He finally broke the stare and said, "Why don't we go somewhere else and really talk? Is there a diner around here close?"
"Yeah, but Rick brought me, and I really can't drive right now." I say still feeling a little inebriated.
"No prob. We can take my rental. I'll just tell the guys to catch a cab back to the hotel."
"Why don't I just tell Rick to take the guys back to the hotel and we can meet him there."
"Good idea. I'll go tell the guys while find Rick then I'll meet you at the door." He says in his fatherly voice. I felt like a small child, but I did as I was told.
After I told Rick, I headed for the exit and thought about how condescending Kevin sounded. I brushed it off thinking I probably sound the same way sometimes. I looked up and saw Kevin's piercing green eyes staring at me. I smiled at him and reciprocated. Something about him just made me want to smile.
We walked out the door, and I felt something graze my hand. I looked down and realized it was Kevin's hand. I just chalked it up as an accident, but was it? Was Kevin putting the moves on me? As I thought about this I also thought how ridiculous I must sound. I just shrugged and followed Kevin to his rental car. We got into a nice van and took off. As he hit the street, he asked, "Where to?"
"Well, there's a Waffle House just a little ways down the street. I could use a good cup of coffee."
"Ok, let's do it."
I directed him to the restaurant and we walked in and sat in a booth in the corner away from everyone's prying eyes. An older woman came up and took our drink order. We sat there and conversed as we waited on our coffee. After the coffee arrived, Kevin proceeded to tell me about his life. As he was talking, I sat there and sipped my coffee watching him retell stories about his childhood and life as a performer. I caught myself staring at him but he didn't seem to mind. I kept thinking 'Man, he is hot, but I don't want to ruin a new friendship acting stupid.' I realized as he kept taking that we were similar in a lot of ways. As I thought about this, I heard him say, "so what about you? The only thing you really told me was about your ex-girlfriend, Jan."
"Jana, you mean."
"Sorry, I never was sure shat you said her name was. It was so loud in the club, I'm just glad that I got close." He smiled.
"No prob. She's history. At least that's what I keep telling myself, but the memories still haunt me."
"I know what it's like to love someone then find out it would never work," he said sadly.
"Enough. I don't want to talk about that. Where were we? Oh, I was going to tell you about my childhood. Interesting enough, our story sounds the same. I wasn't raised in a log cabin, but I did grow up on a farm in the middle of nowhere." I continued my story, how I finished high school and two degrees in college. I told him in depth how I got to where I am today. Throughout the entire time, he listened attentively and interjected some thoughts here and there. He was a really good listener. When I finally finished my story, I looked down at my watch.
"Oh my God! Look what time it is. What time did you tell the guys we would be back?"
"I told them about 2" he replied and then looked at his watch.
"Do you realize that it is 2:45am?"
"Oh, shit! I guess we should head back then."
I stood and paid for our coffee. He protested, but I said, "It's the least I can do for monopolizing your time and making you listen to my boring life story."
He smiled and said, "If I didn't want to hear it, I wouldn't have asked."
I blushed, "You sure know how to make a guy feel good."
We climbed back into the van and took off for their hotel. As we were driving, I could tell Kevin was thinking seriously about something. "What's the matter? You're thinking too hard over there."
"Chris, can I tell you something and you not get upset with me?" he asked timidly.
"Kevin, I don't know what it is about you, but I feel that over the past six hours we've just clicked. I don't know if it's our common background or what, but I feel a certain connection with you. So, yes, you can tell me anything, I want to be your friend."
"I am so glad you said that because I feel the same way. But, there is something you need to know about me that no one but my family and the guys know. Chris, I'm gay."
I sat there shocked, speechless, and frozen to my seat. Kevin saw my jaw hit my lap and instantly regretted telling me. "Shit, I knew I shouldn't have said anything. Now I've just fucked up our friendship."
"No, no that's not it. I'm just shocked. It took me awhile to absorb the information. I have no problem with you being gay. I just though you were one of the straightest guys in the world. Shows how looks can be deceiving."
"Whew! That's a load off. I thought you were going to hate me and run to the press about it."
"I would never hate you. And the press, well they already know too much about celebrities as it is. You won't find me ratting some one out to the press unless, they were to offer me lots and lots of money, but then I still don't think I could go through with it. I hold a very high standard on friendship. I want someone to treat me just like I treat them. Open and honest, no matter what may come later. Saying that, I should confess something to you as well. Kevin, I'm bisexual. I know that's not as earth shattering as you coming out to me, but I don't want to hide anything from you."
"Well, since we're playing True Confessions, there's one more thing I need to tell you," he pauses.
"Come on, don't get shy on me now. We've probably just shared our deepest secrets with each other. Don't stop now," I encouraged.
"Chris, I don't know if you feel the same way, but I'm really starting to care for you. And not just care for you as a friend. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm falling in love with you."
Once again my jay hit my lap, and I realized we were at the hotel. I didn't know what to say. One of the sexiest men alive, just came out to me then tells me that he's falling in love with me. Silence. Kevin parks the van at the back service entrance. Silence. We get out of the van. Silence. Decidedly, Kevin breaks the silence. "Come on, let's go upstairs and find Rick so you can go home," he states sadly.
We quickly walk in the backdoor and head upstairs. As we reach the floor that has been reserved, we notice how quiet everything was. Kevin walks to his room and saw a note taped to the door. It read:
Kevin - We are back. Where the hell are you? Rick is going to crash in my room and wait for Chris. I told him he could just spend the night, but he said he needed to get home to his wife. Tell Chris to just come on in and get him. The door will be unlocked. See ya in the morning. ~ Brian
Kevin just hands me the note as I read it, he opens the door and walks in. I follow him knowing that we have to talk before I leave. As I finish reading the note, I notice Kevin sitting on the bed looking distraught. He looks as if he's about to cry, but then I see him regain his composure and stand right in front of me. "Well, it's been nice hanging with you, but I guess you'll be leaving now," he states.
"No, I'm not leaving until we talk."
"What's there to talk about, your silence has relayed how you feel about me. I don't think we have anything left to discuss." He starts to walk by me and heads to the door, but I grab his arm and spin him so we are facing each other.
"No sir. You are wrong we have lots to discuss." He glares at me. "You have just sent my mind into overdrive. You lay this all in front of me and expect me to jump for joy. Trust me, I am. But, you have to realize that I have been hurt too many times in impulse relationships. So, don't be mad at me because I'm wary of jumping in headfirst. I will tell you that I care for you. I will tell you that I think it's something more than friendship. But what I can't tell you is if I am ready for this. I want to be, but I can't rush having my heart broken again. My life has never been the same since Jana screwed me over. But I will tell you that if you give me sometime to cope with all of these feeling and emotions, I will be ready to start a relationship with you. If you just thought you were going to get me in bed then you are sorely mistaken."
Kevin was taken aback by the last statement, but I had to know what he really had in mind. I could see myself falling in love with him, but if he was to run out on me like everyone else had in my life I don't know what I would do.
"Chris, I don't know who you think I am, but I would never do that to anyone. If you honestly believe that then you should not waste any more of your precious time here with me," he yells angrily.
"Kevin, I wasn't implying anything, but I had to know exactly what you're looking for."
"Chris, I'm looking for what I think we could have - a real, honest to God relationship. Someone to cuddle with, share your dreams with, and everything else that goes along with it." Kevin says with as much love and sincerity as he can muster.
"That's all I wanted to know. Kevin, I want the exact same things. But, I can haphazardly throw my heart to anyone. I have to make sure they are genuine. I need that security, and if someone ever tries to hurt me again like that I will kill them and myself," I say as the tears begin to fall.
"Chris, everything I have to give is yours. I don't want to hurt you. I want to love you, and I want you to love me." He says all of this as he closes the distance between us. When he finally reaches me, he lifts my head and looks me in the eyes and says, "Chris, I love you, and I will do everything in my power to make sure no one ever hurts you again." As he says this, I just melt into him, and hold onto him for dear life. He wraps his arms around me and holds me as I cry on his shoulder.
After I control my emotions, I pull away and look into his eyes, "Do you mean that, will you make that promise to me?"
"Yes, I mean it. I promise to keep your from all earthly harm, physical and emotional."
I just hold onto Kevin tighter. It felt so right to be here with him. I looked up with tears still in my eyes and said, "I love you too." After I finished saying those four little words, an indescribable peace came over me. My tears stopped flowing and a smile formed on my face. He looked at me with the same love that I felt in my heart, and I just had to reach up and kiss him. Apparently, he wasn't expecting it, but when he saw what I intended to do he slowly moved towards me. As our lips met, I could feel the love grow. The passion in that one kiss could save the world. I know it saved mine. It was slow, intimate, gentle, unhurried. The kind of kiss that truly expresses what you are feeling. As we broke the kiss to catch a breath of air, I noticed the tears in his eyes. I gently wiped away his tears with my finders and verbally reiterated what we just shared, "I love you, Kevin" He just moved into show his love. Again, we started kissing, but soon our mouths began to open and I could feel his tongue invading my mouth. I welcomed it. I had no want or desire to turn it away.
As I became accustomed to the kiss, I could start to feel Kevin's hands rubbing my back. I also noticed that I had my arms around his neck. I could have stayed in that position forever, but suddenly I heard someone clear their throat. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ok, I know that is kinda cheesy and all, but feedback is always welcome - good or bad. I will respond to everyone. Let me know whatcha think. drew_christian@email.com