Always Joey

Here's part 2 of Always Joey.

If you like, check out my other story, "A Little Bit About Me, Alex" in the college section.

Thanks,

Adelhardt

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Always Joey II

Jimmy had showered and changed when I returned at seven. His hair was still wet. I wondered if it was for my benefit or his.

"Come on in, sexy," he grinned.

I punched his shoulder and took off my anorak. It had turned colder outside.

"I'm heating up the lasagna," he informed me, and I heard him busying himself in the kitchen. I followed him.

"I can set the table," I suggested.

"All done," he said.

"Get drinks?" I asked, smiling.

"Got them."

"Umm... salad?" I grinned.

He held up a bowl with the finished salad.

"Will you marry me?" I asked, laughing.

"Yes," he grinned and handed me the salad. "You can put this on the table."

"Ah! See, I can be useful!" In triumph I went into the living room and placed the bowl on the table. He'd put candles on it and lit them. "How romantic," I yelled into the kitchen.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

"Of course not." I went back to the kitchen and leaned on the door frame. He was checking on the food.

"Five more minutes," he declared, then shut the oven.

"I'm starving." My mouth watered from the smell he'd released when he opened the oven.

"So am I," he smiled.

"Well you've been a busy boy," I grinned, referring to the incident in the garden earlier.

He blushed deeply. "Well yeah." Then he looked at me and smiled.

"You up for the last two movies tonight?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Sure. I might not even fall asleep."

"Fat chance." I grinned, nudging him with my elbow. He grinned back, his dark blue eyes settling on mine. I noticed his shirt brought out his eyes. Idly I wondered if it was on purpose, then decided it probably was and it didn't matter.

The oven dinged, breaking the silence and ruining the moment, and he turned from me and opened it.

"Go ahead, I'll bring it in," he told me.

"OK."

It tasted as good as I remembered, or even better.

"If your career as wife or male stripper falls through you can open a lasagna business," I grinned. "Man, this is good."

He smiled and speared a tomato with his fork. I watched as he brought it to his mouth and chewed. His lips were red and full.

Embarrassed I busied myself with my own food. I don't know if he noticed me watching.

This time, after we'd cleared the table he went straight upstairs and got us blankets. I smiled when I realized what he'd done. I liked the fact the we had something like a routine now.

He handed me the blanket and went to the kitchen to get us snacks and more soda. I helped him carry some of it.

"One more day of this and I'll get fat," I joked.

"I know a good way to burn a lot of calories," he grinned, lifting his eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes. "I give up," I laughed.

He carefully unloaded the snacks on the table and put the video in the machine. As it was beginning he sat down and took off his socks. He started opening his jeans when I realized I was staring.

"Do you mind?" he asked. "I didn't think it mattered..."

"No, go ahead. I don't mind at all," I assured him. "I was just thinking about how strange this is... I mean, you and me..."

"You mean how strange it is that you're here with me," he mumbled a little bitterly.

"Well... yeah," I admitted. "And how glad I am that I'm here."

He smiled despite himself and pushed his jeans all the way off. Then shucked off his t-shirt and threw in on the floor. It was the first time I'd seen him without one. He looked nice, slim and hairless.

I saw him eyeing the t-shirt he'd thrown so carelessly and grinned to myself.

A few seconds' indecision was clear on his face, then he leaned down and picked it up, folded it and put it back down on the jeans.

Laughter burst out of me. "Neat freak!" I bubbled, "I so knew you'd do that!"

"Sue me," he grumbled, trying to suppress a smile.

I couldn't stop laughing, and soon he joined me.

I pulled off both my t-shirt and sweater at the same time, letting it dangle from my fingers. "This is how it's done," I announced, letting it fall with as carefree a flick of my wrist as I could manage. I continued to discard my clothes as haphazardly as I could all over the floor around my couch.

Jimmy was laughing at me, and also enjoying the show as I knew he would. It made me feel good.

"You're going to pick that up yourself," he grinned.

"If I leave it long enough your neat-freakiness will kick in and you'll do it for me," I predicted, feeling wonderfully devious.

"I might," he nodded. "Why did you stop?"

"Huh? I'm in my boxers," I said, realizing too late where he was going.

"You had a good rhythm going there, why stop now?" He smiled.

"Forget it!" I chuckled. "They stay on. OK?"

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours," he offered.

"No thanks!" I held up my hands.

"Too bad," he grinned.

I crawled under the blanket, and so did he. The movie was starting, and it was pretty good, so we watched it in virtual silence. I barely had time to reflect on how relaxed I now was about showing him my body.

When the movie was rewinding he smiled at me, and I knew something was coming.

"I'm cold," he complained.

"Oh yeah?" I replied dryly. "Put on your shirt."

"I thought maybe you could come over here," he grinned. "My couch is big enough."

"I don't care how big your 'couch' is," I said, making him giggle. "I'm not going to warm you up."

"I bet you'd let me freeze and die in the Arctic!" he gasped theatrically.

"Yeah," I nodded.

He glared at me, fully aware that I was kidding, but I managed to keep a straight face. "After all," I continued, "I could eat you afterwards and survive until the rescue team found me."

"Man! That's sick!" he protested. "Although... there's something appealing about you eating me..." He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively while I groaned and hid my face in my hands.

"You have to lay off the viagra," I said.

"Don't need it. Want to see?" He grabbed his blanket.

"NO!" I yelled.

He grinned and crawled onto the floor to change tapes in the video. I could tell he wasn't hard. In those briefs, I would have seen.

"False advertising," I mumbled, and he grinned. He retrieved the tape from the machine and turned round to grab the other cassette from the table.

"Want to watch this, or should we find an old one instead?" he asked, holding up the movie. His left hand tickled the sole of my foot, uncovered by the blanket.

"Ahhh!" I shrieked. It didn't sound very manly. I jerked my foot away.

"Sorry," he smirked. "Couldn't resist."

"Better my foot than... elsewhere, I suppose." I pressed my lips together disapprovingly. "You decide about the movie."

"K." He read some of the text. "Smuggling... rogue cop... fast paced action..."

"Sounds new and ground breaking," I joked.

"Oh yeah, definitely avant garde." He grinned. "The woman on the cassette has big tits."

"Ooh, put in it. That one definitely!" I gasped.

"I figured," he groaned, but he was grinning. He turned away -- I pulled my feet away from him, which he noticed with a chuckle -- and put in the movie. "I should have rented some porn instead, and then when you were all hot maybe I could seduce you."

"Forget your half assed seduction plans, it ain't happening," I told him.

"You say that now," he said, his back still turned, "but after two hours of big large pendulous breasts..."

"Yeah, yeah," I grinned. "You're blocking my view."

"Sorry," he huffed, standing up and going to his couch.

The movie sucked. Simple as that. The woman did have big tits, but they were obviously fake and she couldn't act. Neither could any of the others, and the plot was practically nonexistent.

"Great choice there, buddy," Jimmy remarked from his couch.

"Hey!" I protested. "You got this crappy thing from the store."

"The girl recommended it. She said it was great." He frowned.

"Who was she?"

"Greta Carlson I think. The brunette with the..."

"...teeth, yeah that's Greta." I bit my lips angrily. Was it possible that she'd recommended a movie she knew was bad because it was Jimmy asking?

I guess he was thinking the same thing. He was fidgeting with the blanket, the happiness gone from his face. I felt so bad for him. It suddenly hit me how people treated him.

"Fuck," he sniffled, on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have listened to her."

"Well it certainly isn't your fault!" I shouted, startling him. Anger was boiling inside me. "That bitch!"

"What are you going to do? Beat her up for me? My hero." The dripping sarcasm that I hadn't heard from him for weeks was back in his voice.

I sighed, unclenching my fists. "No."

"Let's find another movie," he said, shoving the blanket away. He walked away from me to the video rack. He wouldn't look at me.

I stood up too. I could see the tension in his back, and I didn't know what to say. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"What are you in the mood for?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even. "We have..."

"Jimmy." I tried to turn him around to face me, but he resisted. I tried harder.

"What?" he demanded, glaring at me. There were tears in his eyes. "Yes, I'm crying. Happy now?"

"Of course not." I frowned.

"I know you're just here out of pity. Don't you think I know Goldie asked you to stay my partner? You didn't want to."

The accusation hit home, and I flinched. "You're wrong," I protested. "Well, not about everything. But I'm not here because I feel sorry for you. I'm here because I want to."

"Whatever," he mumbled dismissively.

"I just think you're a great guy and a good friend. Is that so bad?" I asked.

"Do you mean it?" he asked skeptically. "Don't lie to me."

"Yes, I mean it," I answered. "Of course I mean it. Would I come back two days in a row out of pity?"

He considered it for a moment, then shrugged. "Maybe not."

"Matrix. I love it. Can we watch it?" I picked the movie from the shelf.

He nodded, still looking at me. I balanced the cassette on the edge of the shelf and pulled him into a hug. He melted against me, throwing his arms around me.

He didn't cry, but I could tell he was close. There was nothing sexual in it for him this time, he just needed to be held, and I could understand that.

It was different for me. I could feel one of his nipples against mine, and it was so weird but in a good way.

My arms had been around his waist, but now I slid them slowly up his smooth back until my hands were on his shoulders. His skin felt good. I loved touching it.

I squeezed him tightly, then let go.

He sniffed a little, then met my eyes, clearly embarrassed. "Thanks," he mumbled.

"No problem. But now the Matrix awaits," I said, picking the movie up again. He smiled weakly, obviously still not his old self.

He looked lost and lonely when he sat back down on the couch. He didn't lie down. Instead he pulled his knees up under his chin and hid himself under the blanket, the picture of misery.

I wanted him to feel better, and I wanted to feel better too. Making a decision I got up from my couch and walked to his.

"Room for one more?" I asked.

"Sure," he mumbled. "I promise I won't touch you."

I sat down next to him and pulled my blanket around me like he'd done. It was a little chilly in the dark room.

"I'm sorry I killed the mood like that," he mumbled, turning his head to look at me. "Just got overwhelmed for a minute."

"It's OK," I reassured him. "I understand." I tugged at his blanket. "I'm cold."

His eyes opened wider. He was about to say something, but then he thought better of it and opened his blanket to me. I edged closer until our sides touched, then brought our blankets together. My left arm, the one that wasn't holding the blanket in place, I brought round his shoulders. He leaned into me, watching the screen.

"Mmm..." he moaned. "You have no idea how good this feels."

I smiled, but he didn't see it.

I felt his head with its soft black hair lie down against my shoulder.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

"No, go ahead, lean on me if you like," I smiled.

When he did I leaned my own head on his. It was nice, I smelled his shampoo, but it soon became uncomfortable to have my head in that angle and I raised it back up.

His right hand was on my thigh. I didn't notice at first, but then I began to worry. Had I gone too far? He didn't move it though, and gradually I relaxed.

"I would love to have a boyfriend," he whispered. "This feels so right."

I didn't reply. I didn't see what I could say.

"You're pretty great, Joey," he continued. "You're good to me. You're good for me, I guess."

"Goes both ways," I said, squeezing him. "In a way I wish I could be your boyfriend."

"But you can't," he concluded. "It's OK."

His head turned to me, and he smiled. His nose practically touched mine, and his eyes were warm. I smiled back.

"I want so much to kiss you," he whispered huskily.

I smiled regretfully, and he shook his head.

"No?" he asked.

I shook my head too. "No."

"K." He turned to screen again. "Can't stop me from wanting it, though."

"Course not." For a moment I felt bad that I couldn't be what he most wanted, but I couldn't change myself.

He put his head back down on my shoulder, and I wondered why it felt so good there. Perhaps I was starved of physical contact too, I reasoned. After all, I had no girlfriend and I rarely touched my other friends.

"In a way I'm disappointed that you're like this," I mused.

"Like what?" He turned to look at me.

"You know, nice and... romantic, I guess. I always thought if I ever met a gay guy he'd only be interested in the size of my dick."

He stared at me, a little offended. There was a fire in his eyes, his lips pursed slightly and he frowned. He was spectacularly beautiful.

"Not all gay people are like that," he whispered.

I could only look at his lips. They were so full, so red. And so alive. I leaned in.

I saw his eyes open wide a moment before my lips touched his. He jerked in my arm but didn't break the kiss.

I pulled back after a second. It was only a brief contact, closed mouth, but he was smiling.

"Thanks," he said. "I like being kissed by you."

I leaned in and did it again. This time he moved a little against me and moaned. His hand that had been on my thigh now cupped my cheek.

His tongue came out first, but when I felt it on my lips I immediately opened them. I didn't even register surprise at myself, I was too far away. It was almost as if I was drunk.

His tongue slipped into my mouth and met mine. It startled me, but I accepted it and caressed it with my own tongue. He moaned, and it was so erotic for me to hear it. I wanted to hear him moan again.

I pushed my tongue into his mouth, gaining in confidence, and it tasted good. His mouth was wide open and inviting, and he was moaning again. Great!

I could feel him thrashing under me, clearly very turned on. Without thinking I let go of the blanket and reached for his dick. It was straining against the blue briefs, and when I squeezed it through the cloth he gasped.

"Nngh!"

I smiled into the kiss and squeezed some more. Every time I did he moaned, almost like a musical instrument that you manipulate.

"Mmjoey," he gasped, "Oh, Joey." I shut him up by kissing him deeper, and both his hands were now on my head. I felt him shudder, and suddenly his body was straining and his dick jerking under my hand.

"Mmmh!" The sound was obscured by my mouth but the meaning was clear. I felt wetness rapidly spreading under my hand.

Slowly he came down, still holding my head and kissing me. In the end I pulled back because he seemed to want to kiss all night.

"Wow," he whispered. "I never thought..."

"Good?"

He nodded. His eyes were tender and there was a small smile on his slightly puffy lips. He wouldn't stop looking into my eyes. I was a little uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"Wow," he repeated.

I turned my head to the screen to try to end the conversation, such as it was.

"But you didn't... do you want me...?" he began, reaching out for my boxers.

"No, I'm fine," I quickly said, catching his hand. "Let's watch the movie now." I was hard as a rock in my boxers and for some reason I didn't want him to know. It freaked me out that I was hard. It freaked me out what I'd done, because I knew full well I'd started it. Why? I wasn't gay.

"Sure?" he asked, disappointed.

"Yes." I still looked at the screen.

He sighed and gave in. He didn't put his head back on my shoulder though, I don't know if he was afraid to. My arm was still round his shoulders.

He looked at the screen for a while. I could feel the heat from his body.

"Joey?" he then asked.

"What?" I muttered.

"Are we OK?"

"Sure."

"K." He continued to stare at me. "Then why won't you look at me?"

I met his eyes, anger draining away. He looked hurt. I didn't want to hurt him.

"I'm not gay," I whispered, feeling tears threaten. What was happening to me?

"Oh Joey," he sighed. "Relax. I'm not saying you are. I leave that up to you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, you figure it out, OK?" He bit his lip. "Do you think there may be a small part of you that's bisexual?"

"NO!" I yelled.

"They say most people are," he continued. But I was smart enough to know that he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear, not what he believed. And I'm sure he could tell from the look on my face.

"I think I'll go to bed," I said, releasing him and standing up. My dick had gone down, for which I was grateful.

"OK," he mumbled, unhappily. "I'll clear up first."

This time there was no jokes, no banter about who walked up the stairs first. I trotted up, got ready for bed as soon as I could to avoid him and made it into his brother's room. I was about to lie down when he knocked on the door.

I opened it hesitantly. He gave me my clothes that he'd picked up downstairs. I took them silently.

"Night," he said.

"Night," I replied curtly before closing the door.

He'd sorted and folded my clothes for me. They were in a neat pile that he made for me. I wanted to cry when I saw it, and I was beginning to have an idea why.

And it terrified me.

Sleep did me good. The next morning I was almost able to convince myself nothing had happened, and when I walked down the stairs and heard the TV it felt just like the other two mornings.

But it wasn't. I could tell in his eyes that he was afraid of saying the wrong thing, and it was like a barrier between us.

I had to get away. I had to think things over, and I couldn't do that with him there.

"I'll go on home," I mumbled.

His face fell. "K."

"My mom's expecting me." That was a blatant lie and he knew it.

"Will you call me?" he pleaded.

I didn't reply, I just started putting on my shoes.

"Don't you want to be my friend anymore?" I could tell his lip was quivering just from the sound of his voice. "I mean..."

"I have to think, Jimmy," I interrupted.

He bit his lip and said nothing.

I got off the couch. Part of me wanted him to ask me to stay, but I knew I wouldn't even if he did that.

"Bye," I said. There was no reply as I walked out the door, gently shut it and unlocked my bike. It was cold outside. My breath condensed in front of me.

Before I got on the bike I looked back at the house. I wondered if I'd ever go inside it again.

Dusty called and wanted me to go with them down town and hang out. My first reaction was to say no, but then I thought maybe I needed a dose of them. I said I'd meet them at the mall.

With Dusty and the others nothing had changed. It was still the three universal topics, boobs, cars and sports, and beer too actually. I was a little bored with it. Of course I was being unfair to them and I knew it. I mean, I could hardly expect them to talk about other things on a Sunday walking the streets. We always talked about the same things in situations like this. I just wished I could relax and have fun with them, like I'd had with Jimmy.

Not for the first time I wished desperately that Jimmy could be straight and 'cool'. That way I could be friends with him and have fun, and there wouldn't be so much weirdness. It was typical: My old friends were straight and safe, and loyal, but not as interesting or challenging as Jimmy. Jimmy was fun and smart, and I was never bored around him, but he was an outcast and gay.

"What's with you?" Dusty asked, nudging my arm. "You've never shut up this long before."

"Sure I have," I retorted. "I often fall asleep around you."

"Fuck you," he grinned. "Boring family party?"

"Huh? Oh yeah." I remembered the lie I told him so I could go to Jimmy's. "The worst."

"My family parties are fun. All my cousins want to fuck me," Alan boasted.

"They allow that in the institution?" I asked.

He laughed. "No. Besides, they're like 12 and butt ugly."

"Much like you then?" I grinned.

"Hey! I'm not 12!" He pushed me in the back playfully.

"Whoa, look at the tits on that one!" Rick whispered so loud I'm sure she could hear. She huffed and turned the other way.

"Wouldn't mind playing with them a little," Dusty grinned.

"What would she do in the mean time?" Alan asked. "It's not like you have much between your legs she could play with!"

"Yeah, she'd get bored real soon!" Rick added.

"Fuck you guys," Dusty grinned. "I'd keep her occupied."

I rolled my eyes and chewed my gum. I had no attraction whatsoever to the girl. She wore too much make-up and smelled like sugary perfume, and her breasts jiggled unappealingly under her blouse. I didn't see what the fuss was about.

Coming to think about it I wasn't too happy that she'd had no effect on me. Did it mean...?

I stared at her retreating form, desperately trying to find it sexy. Maybe her hips? Didn't I feel a little twitch in my dick after all? I could almost make myself believe I did.

"Ogling her ass, Joey?" Dusty asked.

"Nah, she's a troll," I replied, shrugging. "Not my type."

"Oh yeah? What's your type then?"

"I bet you're more interested in brains and inner beauty, huh?" Alan said, teasing me.

"Or maybe older women? Huh, Joey? You like boobs stretching to their knees, wrinkles all over and--"

"Ugh! Shut up!" I yelled, scrunching up my face in disgust. "My taste is so refined you guys don't have the brains to understand it."

"Whatever," Rick laughed. "I bet you like them all hairy."

"Or maybe obese," Alan laughed.

"You guys are so sick," I laughed.

"Or stuffing your feet into--"

"STOP!" I covered my ears. "I'm too young and innocent for your perversity!"

They just laughed at me, and I knew I was off the hook for now. But the whole thing made me wonder about myself, and I didn't like it. In fact I was beginning to fear where this was going.

"Right," I mumbled. "This ought to do the trick." It was well after dinner and I was in my room, door locked, lying on my bed. I was naked and about to prove that I wasn't gay.

I reached over and flicked on the light by my bed so I could see. I had dug out an old ratty magazine with a woman on the cover. Opening it I flipped through the photos of her undressing until she wore only net stockings and extremely high heels. She was making a silly face, pouting, and her hands were on her crotch, sort of spreading it.

I grabbed my limp dick, trying to coax it to life. I fondled it, and there was response.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "She's hot."

I flipped the page. Now she was on all four, still with a hand between her legs. Her nails were extremely long and red. There was a text that said she was waiting for the plumber to come install her drains or something. It was so... lousy.

I tried to get my dick all hard, but I couldn't. It refused to get more than half hard, and there was no way I could jack off like that.

The woman in the magazine was staring vacuously at me, her wig almost covering her eyes. Her tits were hanging off her body. It was almost disgusting.

I threw the magazine across the room in frustration. Shit! It was Dusty's I'd borrowed... but I could always buy a new one for him. There was a place we knew that sold us everything we wanted.

I dug under my bed for something better and finally came up with something. It could have been mine, or maybe Alan's. I didn't remember, but I eagerly opened it.

This girl was much better looking, although the pouting was the same. I studied the glossy pages intently, hoping for a reaction between my legs. It was slow in coming.

I finally got to the part where a young man with an enormous dick appeared in the photos and started fucking her. This was more like it! Suddenly I felt myself harden, and I was happy because this was good healthy straight porn.

There was a close up of his dick in her, and his balls were in center. It appealed to me, and I grabbed my dick and started moving on it. It felt good. I moved on, and there was one of him on top of her. He had a nice ass.

I realized what I was thinking and moved on quickly. Hmm. He had nice legs too. If only he didn't have his tongue in her mouth...

With a start I realized my thoughts were on a wrong path again and moved back to the section where it was only her. The hand on my dick didn't feel as good as before, and I concentrated harder. Look at her breasts! They look good. Look at her legs.

I felt myself lose some of my hardness, and I threw the magazine against the wall as hard as I could. I had to fight not to cry. What was happening to me?

Could I... was it even possible that I could be gay?

I'd never thought about it much before. I knew girls were the object of our desire, everybody told me so and it seemed logical. I'd found many of them interesting and attractive... but not that attractive. Not like... I guess some of the guys in school. Now that I thought about it some of them looked pretty good. They had something.

Shit shit shit.

I sat up. What was I going to do?

I staggered to my feet and picked up the magazines. The first one had split in two. I looked at them, trying to clear my mind of the panic. I couldn't deny it, if I had to choose I'd much rather touch the man in the pictures than the woman. She was... ugh. I didn't want to touch her.

Of course it was possible that it was just those two who did that to me, and if I saw another pair I'd choose the woman. But I was beginning to think I probably wouldn't, not if I was being truthful.

Shit.

I crawled into bed and curled up, trying to hide, I guess. I pulled the blanket up over my head. Somehow the world refused to be shut out, no matter how hard I shut my eyes.

It was at least half an hour before I began to calm down a little. I should probably talk to somebody, but I didn't know who I could trust. There was no one I was comfortable with, not enough to tell them something so secret.

I peeked out from under the blanket. My room looked messy like it always did, but I didn't see anything. I'd had a thought. I did know someone I could trust, someone who probably wouldn't screw me over. Someone who even knew how I felt, more or less, who could answer my questions.

I pulled on my boxers and some pants, the first pair I found. I added some socks, my anorak over my bare chest and some shoes. It would do.

I opened the door carefully and looked out. It was dark. I was pretty sure my parents were asleep, and I was an only child. Well kind of. My dad had two kids from a previous marriage that lived with their mother.

I slipped through the house and out the front door. It must have been 11 o'clock or something, and it rained. It was cold, but not as cold as earlier in the day.

I pulled out my bike, then decided against it. The walk would do me good. I needed time to arrange my thoughts. And I was scared and welcomed the delay.

The streets were deserted. When I passed under the great trees between the road and the pavement big drops of water hit me like bombs, but I hardly noticed.

It took me 45 minutes or so to reach Jimmy's house. It was late by then and the house was dark, except that Jimmy's room had a light in it. I had to climb over the fence and into the garden to see it, because it was on the side of the house. His parents' car was in the garage.

Suddenly I was afraid. What would I say? Was I sure about this? Perhaps it was better to wait.

No! It had to be now.

Well, maybe not just now. It could wait five minutes. I jumped back over the fence into the street and walked away, giving myself a little break. Five minutes. I'd walk to the end of the street and then back, and I'd do it.

My heart was thumping in my breast when I neared the house again. I grabbed hold of the fence. My hand shook.

I'm not ready! Not yet!

I checked my impulse to run away and compromised. I'd walk to the end of the street and back, and then I WOULD do it.

I felt almost nauseous on my return this time. I debated another trip round the block, but I realized I was being a fool. Nervously I giggled at my own stupidity. Time to make a decision: Go home or face this?

I moved carefully into the garden. The lawn stretched to the fence so there were no flowers to mind, but the lawn was so wet that my already hard pressed shoes got soaked. I thought there was no reason they shouldn't be when the rest of my clothes were as wet as they could get.

The light was out in his window. He was asleep. I shook my head in disappointment. I'd come this far, and now this...?

Refusing to give up I picked up some pebbles and aimed at his window. My cold arm took its time getting the aim right but I finally managed to hit the glass a few times.

No reaction.

Come on! I shouted to myself. I threw some more pebbles, and after a minute the light came on.

Yes!

The white curtain was pushed aside and he struggled with the window, finally getting it open. He peered outside but didn't see me at first.

"Jimmy!" I hissed.

"Who's there?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

"It's me! Joey!"

"Joey? Man! What are you doing?" He sounded confused.

"I need to talk to you. Can I come in?"

"What? Now? Can't it wait? I mean, it's..." He fumbled with something. "Almost one."

"Please? It's really important."

He bit his lip. "Alright... What's it about?"

"Can't I come on up?" I asked, beginning to notice the rain running down my back.

"Uh... I'd wake up my parents if I open the door..."

"Wait." I grabbed a chair from the nearby terrace and placed it against the brick wall. "I'm coming up."

"What?" He sounded amused.

I climbed the wooden chair and reached up to grab the window sill. Using a pear tree beside the window for leverage I managed to hoist myself up, though it was a struggle for my cold limbs.

He caught me when I fell through the window. He'd moved the upholstered chair that normally sat there next to his desk so he could get to me. He held me and I pulled my legs up, and then he helped me regain my balance.

"You're cold," he whispered. "Soaked... how long have you been out?" His white t-shirt was wet were he'd touched his body to me.

"Couple of hours," I mumbled.

"But why?"

I hesitated, looking at the floor. This was hard.

"Joey?" His voice was mild and encouraging.

I looked up and took him in.

He was gorgeous. He blew my mind. His white t-shirt was baggy and wet in places. Under it he wore blue briefs, his favorite color, and his legs and feet were bare. His black hair was tousled from sleep, and his eyelids were heavy. I couldn't speak, only look at him.

Somewhere inside me I was grinning. At least there can be no doubt now. I know what I am.

"You're beautiful," I blurted.

He blushed. "Sweet talker."

"No," I whispered. "I mean it."

I stepped forward to get closer to him. I took him by the shoulders, feeling him shake from the cold of my hands, and leaned in to kiss him.

His lips were scalding on mine. It felt so good.

He opened his mouth invitingly and closed his eyes. I accepted the invitation.

My arms found their way round his body and pulled him closer. He moaned somewhere far away.

Pulling away he smiled tenderly at me. "The way your teeth are chattering I'm afraid you'll bite my tongue off by mistake. I'll find some clothes you can borrow, and a blanket. We need to get you warm."

I nodded and pulled off the anorak. I was shaking, really freezing now that the tension was draining out of my body. He came back from the bathroom with a towel and started drying my chest gently. Water pearled off it.

He bent down to remove my shoes, but I protested.

"I can do that," I whispered.

"Joey, you're going to get really sick. You're shaking already. Just shut up," he said loud enough that I wondered if his parents might hear. Then I remembered their bedroom was downstairs.

He pushed me back into the comfortable chair he'd lifted away from the window when he opened it. That way I was off my feet and he could work easier and soon had the soggy shoes off. Then he helped me stand and undid my pants. I could see he was hard from undressing me, and I loved it.

Even my boxers were soaked. He'd discreetly left them on, but I shoved them down.

"Haven't you got some briefs or something too?" I asked.

He gulped. "Yeah." Fumbling with some briefs in a drawer he looked back at me. He took an awful long time finding them. "Here. Man... you're so sexy."

I smiled and pulled on the briefs. They barely fit.

"How do you get these on, man?" I asked, struggling.

"I guess I'm not as big as you," he grinned.

I blushed. He started finding me more clothes, but I stooped him.

"Do you mind if we get under the covers while we talk?"

"No, no," he whispered. "I'd love to, even if you're cold." He smiled and took my hand. I followed him to the bed and he sat down, pulling me down too. "I have to tell you... I had a dream that was like this," he grinned.

I smiled. He was adorable.

We struggled under the covers, and he pressed himself to me. His skin felt boiling hot, but I knew it was because my skin was freezing. It must have been uncomfortable for him, but he said nothing.

"So, what did you need to talk about so bad that it couldn't wait?" he asked, his breath warming my cheek.

I turned to look him in the eyes, my nose touching his. "You, in a way," I replied.

"Me?"

I kissed him, and he smiled.

"Yes, you," I sighed. I kissed him again.

"This is nice, but I'd like a better explanation," he smiled, licking his lips.

"I think I'm gay." I surprised myself that I could say it so easily.

His eyes opened wide. The implications were clear to him.

"No, I'm pretty sure," I continued. "I've been thinking and I didn't know, and then I went home and thought some more and I thought a lot of things made sense that way but how could I know, and--" I rambled on.

"Shh..." he grinned, pressing a finger to my lips. "Slower, please."

I smiled. "K. I wanted to talk to you about how you knew you were gay, but then... I saw you and I just know now."

He smiled wider. "Wow."

"Yeah." My hand found the back of his head and held it, caressing the skin through his hair.

"I wouldn't have been able to help much," he whispered. "I didn't go through anything like that. I've always just known."

I felt my eyebrows lifting. "Really? How strange."

"Thanks." He laughed.

"No, I don't mind strange like that! I mean, strange that some know and others don't."

"Yeah." He bit his lips and looked down. "So, does this mean that you... like me?"

"Yeah, I think so."

He raised his eyes. "Think?"

"Well... I've never been in... love before," I mumbled, feeling my cheeks burning.

His eyes grew meltingly tender. "I think I'm going to cry," he whispered. "I'm so in love with you. I guess you knew already."

I smiled, feeling warmth spreading in my stomach. "I'm glad," I said simply.

"This could so easily be a dream." He smiled.

"It isn't. I'm never this cold in dreams."

He giggled. "Is that all you can say? Aren't you getting warmer by now?"

"Well... it's not a dream because I don't dream about being pressed close to a pretty boy whose skin is on fire," I smiled. "And I don't recall ever wearing briefs in a dream."

"Stupid." He grinned.

I leaned over and kissed him again. "To answer your question, yes, I'm heating up pretty well." I wriggled my brows.

"I know," he grinned. He was so close he could feel my erection. A few hours earlier I couldn't get it up no matter how much I wanted, but now, with Jimmy, I was as hard as the briefs would permit. He was hard too. He had been since he undressed me.

Uncertainly his hand traveled down my side and over my back, caressing me. I moaned. I wanted him to touch me and I wanted to touch him.

He sensed my desire and smiled. He was fully awake now. Hooking his arm around me he pulled me over and on top of him. I rested on my elbows and looked down at his flushed face, his black hair spread over the pillow. I felt my heart swelling. Our dicks were pressed against each other and he moaned in pleasure.

"Mmmm... I love this."

"Me too." I leaned down and kissed him, and this time he opened his mouth and practically sucked my inside him like a vacuum cleaner. We kissed deeply, and I ground against him. He was squirming under me, stroking my back and shoulders, but he was reluctant to go further. I felt him pull back a few times before I realized what was going on.

Resting my full weight on him I brought my arms to my back and caught his. Then I pulled his hands to my ass.

"It's OK," I whispered into his neck. "Touch me anywhere you want."

"Oh God!" he gasped, feeling my ass. "Oh God."

"You like?" I grinned, licking his cheek.

"Yeah... I almost came!"

I nibbled his ear, feeling myself grow hotter and hotter. "You really like me, huh?"

"Yeah..." He turned his head to give me better access to the area behind his ear. "You're my dream guy."

I licked and nibbled and said nothing, lost in his taste and smell. If there had been any doubt before it was gone now. This was what I wanted, what I needed. I needed Jimmy, like this.

"Always you..." he mumbled in a faraway voice. "Always Joey..."

I could feel my climax approaching, but I wanted more.

"Jimmy... babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I take them off you?"

He knew what I meant. He was always fast. "Please," he whispered.

I rolled half off him and grabbed his briefs, trying to ease them off his hips. He had to help me, but together we did it.

"Wow," I gasped. "You're so beautiful!"

He had a wild look on his face. He turned his face to me and started to pull at my own -- well really his -- briefs to get them off me, and I obliged.

"Perfect," he mumbled when he saw it. No one else had ever seen me hard before.

I climbed on top of him again. We were a perfect physical match, same height, roughly same build. Even our dicks were practically the same size. Mine was bigger to begin with, but his grew more when he got hard. It fascinated me.

Without the briefs, with nothing between us, it felt even better. I knew it would be over quick and it couldn't be helped. He was unashamedly feeling my ass now. His body was against me all the way, and his eyes looked into mine and I was so happy I'd come to him.

"Joey... I'm about to..." he gasped, breaking out kiss.

"Go ahead," I whispered huskily.

He scrunched his eyes shut and began jerking under me, much like the evening before when I'd massaged him through his underwear, but this time I could feel his sperm between us. It was a sensation I was unprepared for, but it was glorious.

He whimpered, and I knew he felt good, and then my head dropped to his shoulder and I came crashing to my orgasm. I don't think I ever came that hard. It was all over us, and I was exhausted afterwards. Happy and exhausted. I wasn't cold at all now, I was covered with sweat.

"Man..." Jimmy whimpered. "Man..."

"I know," I panted in his ear. "Wow."

His hand fished around and finally found the blanket and pulled it over us. I was too exhausted for anything, already half asleep.

Sliding half off him I clutched him to me. He had grown precious to me and I hadn't realized it, but now that he had I accepted it as a fact, a wonderful fact.

One of my legs was between his, one of his arms around my neck. It felt good. I turned my face to his neck and fell asleep.

Well, that's it. That's the story of me and Jimmy. Thanks for reading.

Actually it's the story of me. And parts of the story of Jimmy. And the beginning of the story about me and Jimmy. And now there really isn't much more to say.

Of course a lot more happened. Nothing that came later affected me as deeply as those weeks with Jimmy, but a lot of things stuck in my mind. Like the next morning, and when Jimmy's mother found us out. We were very lucky in so many ways.

I remember the next morning. It was wonderful chaos. I can't help smiling about it now when I think back.

"Shit!" Jimmy gasped, waking me. "It's almost 7!"

I was fully awake immediately. "Shit!"

"Can you make it?" he asked, worried.

"No!" I felt panic rising. "I'll have to say I've been out running." I jumped out of bed and he was right behind. He looked delicious, smelled delicious, but I had no time to appreciate it.

My clothes were still wet but I started putting them on anyway.

"Wait. It's not raining anymore, you can't wear that. They'll never believe you just went out." He started rummaging in his clothes to find me something and eventually came up with some gray sweat pants and a shirt and some socks. I'd pulled on the briefs he'd found for me the night before -- I thought I found the ones that were mine, but they could be his -- and quickly put on what he gave me. I had to use my own shoes, but I could always say the ground was wet or something.

"Put the chair back," he said as I opened the window.

"Won't your parents see?" I worried.

"No, your can hear the downstairs shower. That'll be my dad. My mom will be in the kitchen, so if you hurry..."

"K." I crawled halfway out, sitting with one leg in, one out.

"Wait!" he said and stepped over to me. "Come back." He leaned in and kissed me.

I smiled in spite of the situation. "You bet." I reached out and caught his head, pulled him back to me and kissed him again.

He smiled, relieved. Maybe he thought I'd have second thoughts by now. Oddly enough, I had none. Not one.

I slid out, hung by my hands and then let go, avoiding the chair. Then I put it back where I'd taken it, waved to Jimmy in his window and ran over the lawn and into the street, trying to get home before my mother would try to wake me. It would not be easy.

I didn't make it. When I walked through the door, sweaty and out of breath, my legs shaking from the long sprint, I saw my dad at the table. He looked up at me and raised his eyebrows. I suddenly realized where I had that same habit from.

"Is that him?" my mother asked from the living room before he could say anything.

"Looks like him," my dad grinned.

She came into the kitchen. "Joey! I've been so worried!"

"Sorry," I mumbled sheepishly. "Guess I forgot to leave a note. I was out running."

She shook her head, clearly despairing of me.

"Get in the shower. You're late," my dad told me. "I'll drive you to school."

"Shit! Is that the time!" I gasped. It was only half an hour before school started. I ran to the shower, stopping only to put Jimmy's clothes in my room. Wouldn't do to have my mother pick them up and wonder why she'd never seen them before.

When I threw clothes on I noticed that my mother had removed the porno magazines from my bed and put them on the table. Must have seen them when she came in to wake me. Talk about embarrassing! Luckily my parents were cool like that, they knew I had porn and they never said anything.

"I guess breakfast is out of the question," I sighed, hearing my stomach rumble.

"Here," my dad said handing me an apple and some money.

"Get something good from the cafeteria, Joey!" my mother instructed. "Not chocolate and rubbish."

"Yes, mom," I mumbled and followed my dad to the car.

"So, been seeing your girlfriend this morning, huh?" my dad grinned, winking at me as we drove through town.

"No!" I shook my head, unwilling to say more. He wasn't far off after all.

"Whatever you say, Joey," he said, patting my thigh when he'd stopped at a red light. "Just make sure you're safe."

"Safe? Oh!" I realized what he meant. "I will. Now can we drop it?"

"I'm only saying it because I remember being young."

"That was 300 years ago," I replied, leaning over and kissing his cheek before running away to be in class when the teacher arrived.

My thoughts about how I might avoid being found out in school just show how naive I was back then. Jimmy would say I still am. I guess in some ways I am.

He couldn't stop looking at me, and I couldn't ignore him even if I wanted to, but I found I didn't. He did not deserve that, and neither did I.

At lunch I saw him alone at a table as always. I wanted to sit with him, but I sat down with Dusty and the others like I used to do.

I hadn't started eating yet when my decision was made.

"Hey guys, I'm going to go see what Jimmy's up to," I announced, grabbing my tray.

They looked at me like I was insane.

"What?" Dusty gasped. "I thought you didn't like him."

"I do now. I did those projects with him in drama. He's actually pretty cool."

They looked shell shocked, but I left them and sat down with Jimmy. He looked up surprised, then smiled so wide I was afraid everyone would realize he was in love with me.

Then I decided I should be happy he was smiling when he saw me, not worried.

"People will think you're crazy," he smiled.

"I am -- crazy about you."

He laughed. "Yuck!" He took a bite of his bread. "So... you got home in time?"

"No." I grinned. "Had to concoct some story about running and forgetting the note and the time. I think my mom bought it, but my dad was teasing me in the car. He thinks I was visiting my girlfriend."

"I don't like to think of myself as your girlfriend," he mumbled, smiling.

"You're not. You're my boyfriend."

His eyes turned tender, so tender I could feel myself blush. There was so much I wanted to say, but we kept silent. It wasn't safe after all.

"So... do you think we could do something together during the week?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied simply. "I think we can."

He smiled.

Even now, so long after, the memory makes me feel wonderful.

Of course there was the inevitable reactions, but not as bad as they could've been.

"You're weird, man," Alan said accusingly when we were on our way to class. He and I sat at the same desk in this class, Dusty and Rick behind us.

"Why?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"You know!"

"What? He's cool!" Irritation crept into my voice. Please, please let my friends be OK with this, I thought, getting nervous.

"They say he's a fag."

"Well if he is," I said icily, "he's a cool fag. OK?"

"Not OK," Alan protested.

"He's a lot smarter than you, for one thing," I remarked.

"Hey! No need to get personal!"

"Just... lay off him, OK? I like him."

"Whatever, man." Alan shook his head. "Your choice."

"That's right." I sat down in my chair as the bell rang.

I caught Dusty looking strangely at me. It worried me because he was pretty smart and might just figure me out, but I was relieved to see that -- so far -- the was no hostility in his eyes, only curiosity.

The next class was drama, and since we were all in it, Alan, Rick, Dusty, Jimmy and I, I knew there could be trouble. I just had to play it by ear.

It was group work, more preparation for the play we were staging in the spring. We were normally a group alone for that kind of thing, the four of us, but I waved Jimmy closer. He approached us apprehensively.

"You guys don't mind if Jimmy's with us, do you?" I asked. "He's already researched the play and all."

"Um... no," Dusty said unenthusiastically. Alan glared at me, but they couldn't very well say no as I knew.

Jimmy was nervous and not at his best for the first 15 minutes, but then he began relaxing more and being himself. I could sense the other guys' surprise that he was actually OK. It warmed me inside.

Goldie was beaming at me, very pleased to see that I was making an effort to involve Jimmy like he'd asked. If only he knew what his request had led to... He'd probably figure I owed him and expect me to work harder in his class, so I thought it was just as well he didn't know.

The other guys soon realized that Jimmy knew all about the play. He could answer their questions and tell them everything they wanted to know. If he did OK in the staging of the play he'd be well on his way to an A in the class. I was proud of him which was probably a little silly, I thought. But maybe not. He was my boyfriend after all.

After the two hours where we got a lot done Jimmy had to hurry to his English class, but we had our history class next door and had a little time. I watched him leave because I couldn't take my eyes off him.

"You know," Dusty said, placing a beefy arm round my shoulder. "Your friend isn't so bad."

"I know," I nodded.

We were alone in the room now, and he held me back. "Only problem is he's madly in love with you, buddy."

"What?" I gasped.

"Joey! Don't tell me you haven't noticed. I've never seen anyone so obviously in love."

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I didn't know what I could possibly say.

"Don't you think it's a problem?" he insisted. "Shouldn't you talk to him about it?"

"Who says you're right?" I tried.

"Joey!" he grinned. "You know I am."

I looked down. I knew he was and I couldn't deny it.

"But maybe," he said slowly as if realizing the possibility for the first time, "maybe it's not a problem at all?"

I was shaking now. Quickly I pulled away from his arm.

"We have to hurry," I gasped. "Mrs. Lancaster will be there in a minute."

I could feel his eyes on my back as I hurried away.

We never spoke about it again, but I knew that he knew. He never questioned Jimmy's presence again, never hassled him -- or me, for that matter. In many ways Dusty surprised me. I would have thought he'd go crazy. He didn't at all. He was a lot smarter than anyone ever realized. He was a good friend.

Jimmy thought it was funny. He tried to hide it because I was so worried, but I could see it in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Joey," he offered. "I tried to hide it. I thought I had."

"Yeah well..." I shrugged.

He smiled. "He's quite hot."

I stared at him, shocked.

"I'm kidding," he bubbled. "You're the best looking guy in the world." He looked at me with dreamy eyes, and I could feel my worry washing away.

"I loved sleeping with you," I smiled.

He blushed.

"No, I mean the actual sleeping," I grinned, "but that too."

"Oh!" He grinned. "So did I. Can you come over this weekend? I want to do it without being shocked out of bed."

"I'll be here." I smiled. "Won't your parents think it's weird that I'm over so much?"

"My mother's so thrilled I think she'll burst." He smiled sadly. "She's been waiting for me to get friends again."

My smile fell. It was easy to forget what his world was like.

Just then she knocked on the door. "I made some sandwiches," she smiled. "I know how hungry boys are."

"Thanks," I smiled. "I wish my mother knew too."

She laughed and closed the door.

"Your parents are great," I said.

"I guess." He smiled.

"How else could they get so sensational a son?" I winked at him.

"You're right." He grinned.

"I see some of both of them in you," I continued.

"Joey!" He hid his face in his hands. "Don't say that!"

I guess most people feel that way about their parents.

I went to the table to look at the sandwiches, and he followed me. They looked good.

"You have the cooking thing from your mother," I laughed. "Then there's the smile..."

"Shut up," he smiled. "You could use that mouth so much better." He pursed his lips a little in expectation.

"You're right, I could eat," I grinned.

"Man!"

"Oh, you mean this?" I smiled and took him in my arms to kiss him. He moaned and melted into me, opening his mouth instantly. I so loved kissing him. He tasted so good, and it was just as good for him. We fit together.

Just then his mother burst back in, holding two sodas in her hand. "Forgot these..." Then she stopped.

I was too shocked to do anything, but Jimmy pulled away from me. "Mom..." he began.

"Jimmy," she said, with a hint of humor in her voice.

"Don't you ever knock?" He looked very nervous and uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, boys, I forgot." She put down the cans. Then she went and took her son in her arms. The moment she did that he became her little boy again. I could almost see the little black haired kid from kindergarten in front of me.

"Oh mom," he mumbled, almost crying.

She said nothing, just kissed his forehead and caressed his cheek. Then she winked at me and released him.

"I put a new dressing in the ham ones," she said, indicating the sandwiches. "Let me know if you like it, so I can make it again, K?"

"Uhm... yeah, Mrs. Reitinger," I managed to stammer out.

"Mom?" Jimmy asked confused.

"What? It's a new recipe."

"Not that!" he said, a small smile finding its way to his face.

"Oh, relax, both of you. I'm not a fool. Do you really think this surprised me?" She grinned.

Jimmy looked completely taken aback. "You knew?" he gasped.

"Yes of course. Female intuition."

"Wow."

She grinned again. "That, and you might want to shut down your computer when you leave. Not all the pictures are totally... um..."

"Shit!" Jimmy gasped, clasping a hand over his mouth. His eyes bulged.

"Language, young man," she said, then turned around to leave. As she did she squeezed my hand briefly.

"Wow," I said when she'd closed the door.

He looked close to tears.

"I love your mom!" I blurted.

He grinned and shook his head. "What just happened?"

I smiled. "Something good." I grabbed sandwich and took a bite. It tasted great. "Think she'll marry me?"

I once asked Jimmy if he knew I was gay from the start. He grinned and said "of course, dumbass," but I think he was lying. I think it was luck for him as much as it was for me, but on the other hand he knew what he was doing and I didn't, even though at the time I thought it was the other way around. Maybe he was manipulating me. He has a manipulative streak as I've found out.

But then so do I. I once confessed to him that I wanted him all along and just tried to give him some slack before reeling him in, just so that he would get really crazy about me. He didn't believe me, but I know there was a part of him that spent days going over all the events, every word, every action, to see if he'd been had. Of course I was the one who was had, so to speak, but I will never admit it to him. That boy, he would use it against me....

And I love it when he does. But don't tell him I said that.

THE END

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That's it for now. Let me know what you think at

AdelhardtH@hotmail.com

Should I try again some time? Or have I already overstayed my welcome at Nifty? Let me know.

Thanks.