Always wanted...Never Had
Chapter 1
Hi before I start my story I gusse you should know some things about me. Well where to start is the key word....Well my name is BJB. I don't like saying my full name because I am closeted right now and people often search my name and email. This is a true story and I write it as I go. I do need you to email me guys when I need you to know what I should be doing and stuff. But anyways enough of that know a little of me before I start story. I am 18 years old in April. I am Austic but not that much. I am a graphic artist and a damn good one. I am also a published author of two books. (I'll mention in an email) I like to think of myself ugly even though people say im not. Im over 6 foot 2 inches and im working out 3-4 times a week. Ok enough of me lets just get on with the story.
You see theres this guy in my classes. Like all of them....He is so perfect. His name is BJL (im not saying what they stand for) He is a baseball star in this small town we both live in. Our school is so small and poor we need to have the three towns around us just to make it a school. Well anyways he is soooo perfect he sits across from me in first hour, next to me in second hour, not there much third hour, and forth hour hes behind me. We both graduate on Tuesday and I am close to him for that two. He is the sexiest man alive in my book. But that's just me. Well anyways he is always staring at me and I stare back and don't get me wrong these are not evil glares stares. He is doing it friendly to loving I think. He smiles when he looks at me and I turn my head because I know I am starting to blush. I loved him for 6 years since I moved to this small town. I used to live in Chicago but I moved to a whole different state. I always acted mean towards him and I knew I could never tell him the truth. He is always hanging with girls and I talk to all the girls asking how he is on dates and im always nosy trying to imagine. (p.s. these girls know my secert and are supportive as far as I know) well they tell me that hes never taken them on dates and never even talks about it. Of course I freak out thinking why would he always hang with girls and never date them it made no sense to me. Well I find out he supposblly is dating someone but its all long distance. And that is the same excuse I use when someone asks if I am gay. Well I think nothing of it because it possablly is long distance. Well one day beou was walking by and saw my letter I was typing mentioning I was gay in there. He asked about it and I couldn't find the words to awnser. I stammered and almost cried because I didn't want him mad at me. Well he didn't get mad he was all cool with it he didn't even seem mad I was gay. Of course I didn't tell him I had a crush on him for over 6 years but that didn't need to be mentioned. Well he asked me what college I was going to and when I mentioned ridgewater college he mentioned he was going to. I didn't beilve him so I asked him for proof. Appertlly he was going to ridgewater. He mentioned then that he and another male friend are buying a house and then out of all things to ask. He asked me to live with him. I freaked out and made an excuse but he seemed a little disapoitment I couldn't look him in the eye I felt scared. He left and I felt bad. Forth hour came he was happy and said that he hopes to see me at ridgewater when he goes because he thinks it will be fun having friends live with him. I felt my heart kinda die at that point because he only likes me as friends. I love him but remain friends still because I don't think he is gay. But the only strange thing is he felt my leg and looked me in the eyes when in a dark room when a movie was going on. I saw him look towards me and he got up and walked towards me and when the lights came back on he was back in his seat, talking to the same girl he always talks to. I swore under my breathe thinking maybe one day I can kiss him because if I get a kiss from him id be happy at least. I sadly don't think that will ever happen.
Any Suggestions what I should do?
P.S. True Story True Facts True Names (just not mentioned)
Should I also keep writing?
Acegolfking@yahoo.com