Howdy!
Thanks to everyone who wrote very supporting messages about the chapter. To those of you who didn't like it, well tough cos that's what was written.
So, this chapter. I'm going to be honest. It could be the best so far. I had a free day sometime one week and I just sat and wrote. I wrote for a good few hours and it all just came together. I hope you like it. I sent it to Rob who seemed to like it and he added his bits and I just re-read it (before writing this bit) and I have to say, I got a little excited to the point where I wanted to read more. I kinda forgot that I have the ideas in my head and so I should know what happens next anyway. Apparently I forgot this fact. I'm a bit dumb sometimes. Well, most of the time.
Also, thanks to people who wrote and said good luck with Uni. For those of you who are curious, it's going brilliantly. I love it. It's just amazing.
Anyway, without further ado, I present "Crashing Out", chapter seven of "American-English".
This story is entirely fictional. If it seems familiar then it's because it is. I stalked you and took parts of your life for this story. I have that kind of time. If anything offends you, well, too late because you already read it. To be fair, you are on a site where you could come across anything, so you have no right to be offended. So there.
If it is illegal for you to read this in your community, then I advise you to leave. However, I can't personally do anything about it. I won't to be honest, because I'm lazy. Thank you, I'll be here all week!
Enjoy!
AMERICAN-ENGLISH
CHAPTER SEVEN.
CRASHING OUT.
When I left the exam, I couldn't even remember if I had answered a single question. The time both dragged and flown by. It was like I was watching it from someone else's perspective almost. My head was throbbing and, as I walked out of the classroom, my mind felt like it was in a fog. Questions flew around my head. I had to push one of them as far back in my head as I could. I didn't want to think about it floating around, nagging away, itching uncontrollably and demanding to be noticed.
"So, how'd you do?" Alicia jostled me from my daze.
"Huh?" I started, a little confused. "Oh, yeah- pretty good I think. Could have done worse, could have done better." I lied through my teeth.
"Well, alright," she smiled. "Just make sure you don't have it hanging over your head during prom."
"What?" A puzzling look began to spread across my face once more. Alicia laughed at my response.
"Prom? You know: gowns, tuxedos, limousines... You guys not have prom in England?"
Before I could answer Alicia's question, my mind blocked her out as I saw Clay walking down the corridor. Chrissie, from the opposite direction, walked on to meet him. I sensed another blow out argument from her strut. However, before she could say anything, Clay took her hands into his own, and silenced her. I was out of proper listening distance, and the halls were filled with chattering students. I saw Chrissie's mouth drop open slightly, followed by laughter.
"Well, if you've got better plans, just say so."
I turned to face Alicia, who looked a little hurt that I hadn't been paying attention to her.
"Sorry?"
"I just asked if you'd take me to prom...nothing like a date, but we get to ride in a horse-drawn carriage and get all dressed up. We get our pictures taken and dance most of the night..."
It didn't really sound like my thing...
"Sure," I replied, putting on a smile. "Sounds like fun."
Alicia wrapped her arms around my neck for a hug.
"Go fuck yourself, CJ!"
I looked back over Alicia to watch Chrissie slap Clay around the face and storm away. Clay, humiliated stood for a moment before snapping his locker shut and walking back up the corridor. He walked straight past, glaring at me. I couldn't tell if it was a look of hate or pain.
"What the hell..." Alicia said.
"You think he's OK?" I asked, staring after Clay.
"I dunno- what?" She replied, bringing me back to the present.
"What?"
"Since when do you care about Clay Jefferson? He's been a total ass to you."
"I suppose," I lied. "But still..."
"Are all you British folk this nice to people?"
I smiled at her.
"Definitely not!" I joked. "I'm just special."
Schlepping home after saying goodbye to Alicia, I relived the attack on Clay by Chrissie. What had he said to make her set off like that? It seemed that the two of them were really over this time. Had it anything to do with Clay's earlier confession?
I closed my bedroom door behind me and sank into my bed. I stared up at the bleak ceiling, letting the nagging voice run through my head over, and over again.
"Am I gay?" I echoed it's voice aloud. No answer. Not surprising. I ran my hand through my hair and then brushed it from my eyes. "Am I gay?" I asked again, as if perhaps someone would provide an answer. I sat up and shook my head. No. I won't have it. I do not like guys, and I certainly do not like Clay Jefferson!
Even in my head I knew that wasn't completely true. If I was honest, I didn't know what I felt. Clay drove me crazy, but not always in a bad way. In truth, he always managed to make my guts tighten and my heart beat quicken. I had even caught my breath on a couple of occasions... But did that mean I actually like him? Could I? Romantically? He always winds me up and sends out really confusing signals. Should I even believe him? What if he just said he liked me to fuck me up or something? Was I really the first guy- the only guy- he's ever liked like that?
My stomach began to feel queasy as I laid there contemplating that afternoon's conversation. I had to get my mind off it. I needed to do something, anything, to forget all that had happened.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Jesse?"
"Jacob?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"Man, I'd recognise that hot little accent of yours anywhere!" I smiled bashfully as his voice called down the phone. "You know, I was actually thinking of calling you. Weird, huh? What's up, man? How you been?"
"Not too bad, thanks. Bit stressed with everything at the moment...exams and stuff."
"Ah, yeah. Tell me about it. I'm already sick of that shit."
"Yeah, I was looking for something to do- you want to hang out or something?"
"Yeah dude, sounds cool. What've you got in mind?"
"We could have a kick-about?"
"Do what now?"
I laughed, "Football practice?" I put on the accent, "Soccer practice?"
"Ha-ha, yeah that sounds like a plan. I'll come pick you up- I know a good place to go. Just give me about thirty minutes."
"Yeah, cool. See you in a bit."
Thirty-five minutes later I felt air rush over my face as I leant out the window of Jesse's car.
"Dude, get back in here!" Jesse laughed. "You're gonna get me a ticket!"
I smiled back at him, teasingly. For the first time in a while I was enjoying being free from the worries I had left down the motorway some distance earlier. I know I didn't really know Jesse, but there was something about him that allowed me to just be...myself. He was the much-needed calm that my life seemed to be missing lately.
"So where're we going then?" I asked.
"When I was younger I used to go to this old park whenever I could. It's pretty well-hidden. Not many people go there anymore. I like to go and play soccer down there, and just sit around and collect my thoughts. I like to think about stuff. Write sometimes. What?" He asked, looking at me. "I can be deep, y'know!"
"Sure you can!" I laughed.
"Fuck you, asshole!" He punched me gently in the arm and continued driving.
We arrived at a thicket of harsh trees and bushes soon afterwards somewhere not too far out of the main area of town. I could see what Jesse meant by hidden well; it looked like we were standing on the entrance to a dumping ground. I didn't really want to venture much further, but I decided to follow Jesse nonetheless. He took me around the side of the thorny barrier, until a small pathway led through. It looked just big enough to walk comfortably. Not far behind him, I watched Jesse as he led the way past the scratching twigs and crunching branches until a large open plain came into view.
Looking like something out of Bambi, I immediately grinned at the scene. The whole green was surrounded with the same thick shrubbery that created a deep, impenetrable barrier, providing complete privacy from the outside world...a weird concept to consider, being as we were outsiders ourselves.
"Told you it was somewhere special," Jesse said, beaming at my expression.
The spacious greenery was immaculate; a little spot of Eden in the middle of the industrial world which surrounded us. My mind had blocked out everything else as I took in the sight. Only when Jesse kicked the ball into my back did reality return.
"You dickhead!" I yelled, as I chased after him. I couldn't catch him though. Jesse was too quick for me.
Being one of the only regular inhabitants of the park, Jesse had already established goal posts and pitch markings over the months and years, so a game started almost immediately. I had never really played against him properly before now, so I had no idea how good he was. If Jesse was being truthful that he had only been playing football for a few years then he was definitely a natural-born player. A natural-born athlete, really. He was quick and manoeuvred the ball with such ease, even on the rough, uneven ground. I found it difficult to get the ball from him. We seemed pretty evenly matched, for the score only ever seemed to be one point in difference. We must have been about half an hour into the game when we took a break.
"Here," he chucked me a bottle of water from his bag. "You're good, dude. Real good. Shit- I'm sweatin' like a pig!" He laughed, again. He liked to laugh a lot. I liked that about him. He was really easy-going. His laugh was childish and stupid, but it was comforting to know there was someone who just enjoyed life, and laughing, like he did.
"Thanks mate. So, how do you like losing then?"
"Losing? What are you talkin' about, man? It's a draw!"
"What? No, it's seven-six to me," I claimed as Jesse removed his sweat-soaked shirt.
"You scored six goals!"
"Fuck off, it's six-seven!"
We continued our immature debate, deciding that we would have to settle this like men.
"Next goal wins?" I offered him. It was getting a bit late and the sun was beginning to set over the western thicket.
"Sounds like a plan. Prepare to lose, bitch!" He laughed as he jumped up for the ball.
I pounded after him, jumping to my legs and chasing for the ball. Damn his head start! He was already shooting the ball down towards my goal side, but I managed to stop it just in time, grabbing the ball for myself.
"Shit! No!" He yelled at me, as I ran toward him. I thought he was going to tackle me, but he tripped over a rough patch of grass and I raced around him, the ball still in my control.
"Yes!" I called after him as I shot the ball ahead, hard. It slid through the invisible goal posts and bounded into the imaginary net.
"GOAL!" I shouted as loud as I could, running around the field, lifting my shirt over my head like the premier footballers do on TV. My vision impaired by my t-shirt, I didn't see Jesse running toward me, nor did I hear him as I thanked the silent crowd.
"Whoa! What're you- Get off me!" I laughed as he rolled me over in the grass, pinning me to the ground. "Don't! Stop, please. I'm really..." I broke off.
"No way...you're not are you?"
"No..." I giggled lightly.
"Is someone...ticklish?" He cooed at me, as he reached for my sides, my legs strapped to the ground by his waist. His fingers began to tickle me as uncontrollable laughter echoed from my mouth, resonated across the field and around the thicketed pitch.
"NO! PLEASE! Please, Jesse! JESSE! Ha-ha!!" His torture continued for a good minute or so until I couldn't laugh anymore.
"Man, you're such a dick!" I said to him.
"I know," he beamed at me, his cheeky grin flashing. His face was sweaty from the match and the tickling; the sunset reflected in his face, turning it dark, tanned. His blonde, floppy hair swept across his forehead, dampened. I looked into his blue eyes and saw the adorable boyishness there.
Did I just say `adorable'?
"What?" he asked.
I paused for a moment. "Nothing..." I couldn't stop myself smiling.
Staring back at me, I began to feel my heart beat quicken. I could feel his too, as it pulsed in his thighs which still pinned my legs to the ground. As he held his place there I began to feel his shorts move slightly. His penis began to harden, rubbing against my leg. Still we didn't move. An endless smile froze between us. Part of me wanted to push him off and just continue with the game. But the other half...
I couldn't help it, but I looked down him, down past his tight chest, down past the perfectly formed abs, and to the top of his shorts where his dick was clearly seen hugging the fabric. He saw me looking, no doubt, but still I didn't move him off.
"Like something you see?" He whispered to me.
I felt my face redden, my smile fading. "I..." I trailed off.
He grabbed hold of my wrists and held them in position on the ground above my head.
He leant down further toward me, still not taking his eyes off of mine, "Stop me," he whispered.
I didn't move. I don't know why but I didn't. I allowed him to move closer. He smiled so sweetly. I watched the setting sun disappear behind his head as the shadow of him cast over my face. His eyes closed slowly as he approached and I felt myself submitting completely to this guy. A guy? Unbelievably I closed my eyes too and brought myself up a centimetre or two. I wanted to feel his lips against mine. I did. I know I did. And I'll be damned if I didn't like it. I felt the touch of his soft lips against mine as he brought us both back down to the ground.
It was strange to feel completely submissive to someone. I was completely restrained by this guy. Jesse had me completely locked and I didn't care. He pulled off my lips slowly. Almost instantly I moved myself up to taste them once more. In return he relinquished my hands and I grabbed the back of his head to pull him in closer.
I have never felt such incredible passion with anyone. The feel of Jesse's lips against mine was incredible. Like electricity was flowing from him to me and back again. He manoeuvred himself so his legs were less tightening and allowed me to push back so that I was on top of him. His hands rolled over my back and head as I pushed deeper into his mouth, my tongue playing with Jesse's.
The kiss was incredible and intense. It lasted a good five minutes or so before I had to break off for fear of suffocation.
"Whoa..." I sighed.
"I, err, didn't really have that planned," Jesse laughed.
"Nor me."
While staring into his face, I suddenly felt a pang of guilt. Clay. I felt like I had betrayed him. I guess my face showed my awkwardness, and Jesse sat up, forcing me off of him.
"You alright?" he asked seriously, a little worry in his tone.
"I...I don't know." I said truthfully.
"Look, we can just forget about it. I honestly didn't mean for this to happen, Jake...I probably shouldn't have done it anyway. I'm kinda seeing someone..." he broke off. "Man, I am such an ass!" he groaned.
"No you're not. Look, I'm cool. Kinda. I just... I liked it, if that means anything. It's just that..." I began trailing off.
"What?"
"There's-"
"You're into someone else?"
"Yes. At least I think I am."
"You think you are?" he asked, a smile showing on his face.
"It's...complicated."
"Wait a second..." Jesse said, smiling still. "Are you talking about a guy?"
My silence gave away my answer before I could cover.
"No fucking way! I didn't know you liked guys! I mean, the kiss was random. I thought we were just kinda fooling about. But I didn't know you were gay!"
"I'm not!" I said, probably more harshly than I should have done. "I mean...I've never liked a guy before and now...I don't know what I am exactly. I just..."
"Just say what you're thinking, Jay. I ain't gonna care. I already told you I like both the guys and the girls. Especially the guys. Nothing you can say will shock me."
I paused, replaying what he'd just said in my head. I guess being open with Jesse would be a good idea. He wasn't likely to shun me for my feelings. I took a breath and decided to just be honest, with both Jesse and myself.
"The guy? He...he makes me crazy. I don't know what to make of him. I always thought he was a huge twat, but now...I don't know. It's like we're two completely different people on two completely separate paths and I just..."
Jesse smiled as he stared at me, listening intently, a dreamy look in his eyes.
"I really like him." I stunned myself more than I could have stunned Jesse. But more than surprise, I felt free, like I had finally gotten something off my chest. The realisation was bliss and I broke into a smile. "I do. I really like him."
"So...the problem is that he's straight?"
"Actually, no. There isn't really a problem. Well, nothing like that."
"Who is he?"
"I can't say. I promised him."
"Promised him?" Jesse asked, cocking his head to one side.
"Yeah...he already told me that he likes me. A lot. I'm the first guy he's ever liked as well."
"Wow...it's like something out of a cheesey teen-flick! Come on. You can tell me! You can't tell me all this and then not give away the ending!"
"He asked me not to tell anyone. He said he wants to just deal with it on his own."
"Wait, what? Why on his own?"
I suddenly felt another twinge of guilt. "I err, never told him I liked him back. I just kinda left it hanging."
"Fuck. Well, you gotta tell him."
"It's...it's difficult. It's not as easy as `We like each other, so... BAM! Let's get it on!' There are all these different factors to consider."
"Are you shitting me? You like him, he likes you. So what's the big deal?"
"Well, firstly neither of us have been with a guy. No matter how much we like each other, it'll be weird. Not to mention at a high school. Isn't Texas a dodgy place for same sex relationships? Especially in school?"
"You tryin' to tell me that they're so open about it in England? It ain't brilliant here, but ain't perfect anywhere yet. So who cares? Look, Jake, it might sound dumb, but if you two have each other then fuck the rest of the world. Yeah, it'll be hard at first, but you'll get used to it. And you'll have each other. And me, of course. I've been through it all already."
"I guess," I wasn't completely convinced, but I could see his point. "But there's more. He has...a reputation. A big one."
"As in..."
"I can't say."
"Just tell me something unspecific, damn-it!"
I thought for a second before I replied. "He's on the football team. I mean the school's football team. Your football, not mine. American football," I stammered.
"No fucking way! You're hooking up with some dude on the football team? You mean like the quarterback or something?" his eyes seemed to glaze over. "Man, that is so freaking hot. I'm just trying to picture it. Damn, Jacob! Is he big? Like, muscular, I mean," he corrected himself.
"Yeah...not too big, but he's got a nice body." A nice body? That was the first time I had ever really said that I liked a guy's body before.
"Wow. I'm just trying to picture you with him. Is he like Clay Jefferson?"
"What?" I asked, quickly.
"You know, he's on the football team as well, ain't he? Is he kinda like that size?"
"Oh. Yeah...I guess..."
"You know what would be hot? If Clay were gay. Man, I saw him in the shower when I ducked under there with him and damn! He is smoking hot."
"I guess." I said, smiling. "He is pretty hot."
"Oh, well. I can dream can't I? You sure you don't want to tell me?"
"I can't mate. But if we ever get together...I'll tell you first."
"Swear?"
"I swear." I said, still smiling.
On the way home we chatted more about the situations of same sex relationships in schools. Jesse told me about all of the abuse he suffered, but as he was ultimately a much liked kid and people didn't really have a problem with it after a little while.
"They just get used to it," he said. "I mean, I haven't been out with any guys from school, so it's not really an issue. But if I'm with people and I'm with the guy at the time, then I sometimes tone it down a bit. It's unfair, but some people are just naturally uncomfortable with it. Some people are still weirded out by PDA's in general anyway, not to mention between two guys. You just have to learn to deal with it though, Jake. If you like him, and he likes you, well then fuck the world. Seriously, just go for it."
Promising to think about what he said, the conversation moved on to other things, like soccer (yes, I said soccer, weird, huh?) and other stuff until I got home.
"This guy is lucky, Jake. I mean, if nothing else, that kiss was hot. If things don't work out for you and Mr. Unknown then give me a call, eh?" It wasn't until he drove off that I wondered how serious he was.
The next few days of school were busy. I didn't see Clay except in exams and then he would dash out the door, not talking to anyone. Less and less would he be seen with his group of friends. Chrissie was livid still with whatever had happened when she slapped him in the corridor. Stories had started to spread about what had happened. "He asked her for sex in the school showers!"
"He wanted to have an orgy with her and the twins!"
"He wouldn't wear a pink tux to prom to match her dress!"
"Wait...what?"
They all seemed far too ridiculous to be true. It wasn't until Friday morning when I met up with Alicia and LeAnn when I found out the truth.
"We heard her yesterday in the locker rooms. She was changing for cheerleading practice and she was telling those other bitches while we were getting dressed." Alicia started.
LeAnn cleared her throat and put on a mock-whimpering voice. "'He told me that he couldn't go on living a lie. He needed to find out who he was! I told him I know who he was!'- That's a direct quote. Her understanding of the English language is pretty amazing! Then she said something about how he thinks he's in love with someone else, but he wouldn't say who."
Alicia and LeAnn continued talking to each other about it while I fell into a daze. Surely he didn't mean in love. Chrissie must have gotten that wrong. She isn't the sharpest tool in the box, although she wasn't exactly stupid either. Was she right about Clay? Does Clay really think he's in love? Wait, that could be someone else. It must be. No way is Clay Jefferson, star quarterback and such, in love with this English loser. No way.
Much like anything else in the school, the story about Clay finding someone else spread around the campus within a couple of hours and suddenly everyone was asking Clay who he had fallen for and how Chrissie was doing.
Later that day at home, I got a text from Jesse asking if I had told "the guy" yet. Choosing to ignore it- I would have to deal with him at practice later anyway- I lay down on my bed and began to think about Clay. What did I feel for him? Did he truly feel that deeply about me? Should I tell him? For over an hour I thought about what I was going to do, and soon enough, just as I was getting ready, I decided I was going to tell him after training.
I had it all planned out. I was going to ask Clay for a lift home and then when we get back, I would tell him `Clay, there's something I have to tell you. I know I dragged you along a bit, but I want you to know, I honestly have feelings for you too. Romantic feelings. I don't know how you want to take that, but I'm going to leave the car now and let you think about it. Good night.'
Yeah, it might need some work.
Jackson came for me soon afterwards. He was running near fifteen minutes behind, so we were forced to take a shortcut. As we drove round the blind curves on the dangerous winding roads to the practice pitch, we talked about how the week of shitty exams went and about the upcoming practice.
"I'm gonna get a big match going today, gonna see how well people can play together and see what needs working on."
Clay was already there when we arrived. Again, he got changed silently not talking to anyone. I wanted desperately to talk to him, but I couldn't muster up the confidence to say anything to him. Plus, I didn't want to make it obvious to Jesse. He was growing more restless about finding out who the mystery-man was.
On the pitch, all Jesse wanted to talk about was Clay. "Did you see him when he was changing," he whispered to me. "Fuck me! That's what he can do!" His laughing distracted his attention when a football was fired at him, smacking him in the face.
"Jess!" Jackson called. "Jess!? You alright buddy?"
"Yeah," he coughed. His nose was bleeding and his cheek was burning red.
Damn! That fucking hurt!"
"Here," Jackson pulled him up. "Jacob, get the guys into two teams and start up a game. I'm gonna get this fool patched up. I told you to always keep an eye on the ball didn't I?" Jackson laughed at Jesse as he pulled him across the pitch.
Suddenly, all the guys were looking at me for direction. The new kid. The foreign kid. I felt small. I caught the eye of Clay who gave me a small smile of support.
I beamed before realising and, flushing, started to split the guys into two based on their position and skills.
The game was afoot! I thought that was pretty funny, no? Oh well.
The game was on, and it was a while before Jackson came back.
"Where's Jess?" asked Guy, one of the strikers.
"Sent him home. His parents came to get him and his car. He was really dizzy. Think they're taking him to the emergency room just to make sure he's cool. Anyway, what's the score?"
The game continued on with a proper referee now in place. I had put myself on the same team as Clay- naturally- and like Jackson had once predicted, we seemed to make a pretty good team. Clay was a natural mid-fielder, always feeding the ball to me smoothly to strike on home. I had never played so well before in my life. I scored five goals in our sides' eight-four victory. Maybe it was because I had an excellent team mate, or maybe it was because I wanted to show off a bit in front of him. Either way I loved it. I loved being congratulated by him. When I scored the final goal with only a minute left, he came up to me and I leapt up onto him. He caught and held me as I wrapped my legs around, hugging him and punching my fist in the air.
Back in the changing rooms, the atmosphere was one of excitement. Even the members of the losing side were happy. They all thought that with the addition of myself and Clay on the team we would be an immense threat to whoever we played when the season started.
When the showers had been used and people started leaving, I decided that I should ask Clay for a ride before he too disappeared.
"Hey, Clay," I smiled at him as he was sorting out his bag.
Clay turned to face me. "Hey, Jake." He gave me a small grin. Boy did he have an amazing smile. I felt myself flustering under my clothes. "Good game man, really good. I always told you that you were a great player."
"Yeah, you did. Thanks. You too. Team effort, right?"
"I guess. We make a pretty good couple." He said it and realised after how I might take it. "I mean team... on the field. In soccer. We make a good team. When we're playing soccer."
"I know what you mean." I said.
"Yeah...Anyway, I gotta get home man. Mom's been making a casserole all day. See you later." He didn't look back at me, feeling embarrassed I assume, his face a little red.
He was almost out the door when I finally said it. "Clay! Could you give me a lift home?"
He turned to face me; he smiled a little and said, "Sure. I'll wait at the car." And he walked out of the building. I ran back to get my crap together and headed on after him.
"Jackson, I'm going with Clay, so you don't need to give me a ride, thanks anyway!" I yelled back to the coach. I heard him say "OK..." but I didn't wait around to hear him elaborate.
The first part of the journey was sufficiently awkward. The silence was uncomfortable and the air was heavy and warm. Breaking the ice, I showed Clay the shortcut Jackson had used earlier that evening. I felt a little sick thinking about what I was going to say when we finally got home. However, after a few minutes, I saw Clay pull the car over onto a side road and stop. His hands on the wheel, he kept his head down.
"Clay? You alright?"
"I have to ask you something, and I need to know the truth. Will you give me the truth, Jacob? If you don't think you can, then just say and I will drive on. Can you answer me truthfully?"
"What do you need to ask me?" I said a little worried.
His serious tone continued. "I need to know if you can answer me honestly first."
I thought about it, trying to work out what he needed to ask. I guess I thought a little too long as he turned to face me at that point, his eyes looking a little teary.
"Yes. Yes, of course I can. I'll be completely honest with you. Just, tell me what you need to know."
He took a deep breath and asked: "Do you and Jesse have a thing going on?"
"What?" I asked, scoffing at the thought.
"You two seemed to be all over each other. He was constantly looking at you and I just...you said you would tell me the truth. I won't be mad. It's not really my place to be mad. I just...I want to know. It's driving me crazy. Please, tell me if you two are together."
I thought a little about what he just said. "No. We're not together." I guess the tone I used didn't quite cover all of my thoughts. That, and my minor hesitation...he knew something wasn't right.
"You've done something together, though, right?"
I remained silent.
"I thought so..."
He turned back to the wheel and turned the key in the ignition.
"It's not like that though, Clay. We kissed. That was it. It just happened."
"Look, it's cool. I just wanted to know. As I said, it's been driving me crazy all evening. It's not my place to judge you or who you're with."
"You're right. It's not your place. I can't believe you asked me that."
He started driving as I crossed my arms and continued talking at him. "All we did was kiss and then, afterwards, we talked. I needed someone to talk to. You see, my head has been in a pretty funny place lately. Some guy told me likes me. He told me that he really likes me. And I needed someone to talk to. And he was the person I needed."
I smirked at him and watched him drive.
"Now it's my turn to ask you something: they say that the reason you broke up with Chrissie is because you think you're in love with someone else. Is that true?"
"Yes."
He didn't hesitate. He didn't even think about it. The quick response had left me falling over my thoughts and I had to stop and readjust what I was saying.
"Is it me?" I asked quietly. He just looked over at me, his eyes giving me all the answers I needed.
"Oh." I said. Rather than feel awkward though, my face broke into a small smile, just thinking about it. "You think you're in love with me?"
"To be honest, I don't know if I just think it anymore. Knowing that you and Jesse kissed...I kinda feel heartbroken if you want to know. More so than with any girl I've thought I was in love with." I fell silent, embarrassed and guilty. "Why did you do it?"
"I don't know. We were messing about and it just kinda happened."
"Did you like it?"
"Yes." I, again, was surprised at the quick retort, even though it was my own this time.
"Do you like him?"
"As a friend."
"I see."
I could tell he was still hurting. I made the decision to go for it. It was now, or never.
"If you want to know," I said, "I actually like someone else."
He didn't move. Tightening his grip on the steering wheel, he just kept driving. So I continued.
"I really like someone else. They drive me crazy. I don't know what to do or how to think when I'm around them. I always have to catch my breath when they're near. I feel nauseas and nervous whenever they speak to me. I can't control myself. I'm constantly feeling excited and scared. Excited about how I feel, and scared because of how people will react. How they will react if we ever got together... How people will react if I ever told you that I really, really like you, Clay."
He didn't move. I could tell he was rigid. Only his hands moved to direct the car with the steering wheel. For the second time that night, he pulled the car over and kept his hands on the steering wheel. He turned to face me after a long pause.
"Say it again."
Though I wanted to, I couldn't pull myself from his gaze. His fixation was intense, but not intimidating. "I really, really like you Clay."
Slowly, a smile broke out on his face. He reached for one of my hands with his own. "And I really, really like you, Jacob."
I smiled clumsily at him and him at me. Before the feeling to break the awkward silence with a stupid comment overcame me, Clay leaned in and kissed me, pulling my head into his. We kissed for a few seconds before he pulled back. He looked at me, waiting for my reaction.
"Well, it seems that Jesse wins the kissing competition!" I joked at him.
"You, Jacob Hylton, are an asshole," he said, smiling.
Once more he pulled me in, slower this time, for a kiss that I can't even begin to describe. All I can say is this: Imagine a dream kiss, the kind where you know it must be a dream because it couldn't really happen. Now, make it real life. That is how it felt, only sweeter. There was an electric spark which shot between our mouths as we embraced each other. I even thought I could hear music playing. In my head, I thought about what Jesse said.
`If you two have each other, fuck the rest of the world.'
I grabbed hold of Clay as he fell into me more, my back pressed up against the door. Our seatbelts were off and his hands were all over me, and mine him. It was the most intense and intimate situation of my life thus far. I never wanted to break the kiss.
With Jesse, the kiss was great, but I had to break to breathe. With Clay, it felt like I would suffocate without his kiss. I know that's cheesey, but when you get kissed like that, it's difficult to not act like a little girl.
We had been making out for nearly ten minutes. His tongue was in my mouth. Suddenly, it happened.
Headlights. A screech. A screech which echoed across the entire motorway. A blinding flash of light shone from behind Clay. He didn't even have a chance to get off of me when the crunch and crash of metal-on-metal hit his side of the car.
We were rolling and sliding. There were sparks and things flying everywhere. Busting glass. A yell. My own. I couldn't stop yelling. Clay was still on top of me.
Silence, except for a lone car horn.
"Clay?" I whispered weakly, his head still on my chest. He didn't move.
I couldn't see. Everything was dark and blurry.
"Clay?" I said again, even more weakly as everything began to fade.
After that, everything went dark.
I hope I'll have the next chapter written as soon as possible. End of October maybe. I'm getting really excited with it again. I lost a bit of interest in the last couple of chapters and now I feel a buzz from it.
Hope you liked it. If not, again, tough shit. Cos it's been posted.
While you're waiting for chapter eight, here are a few things you might wanna peruse over:
OPERATION: COLLEGE QUARTERBACK My FAVOURITE story! http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/college/operation-college-quarterback/ FALLING FOR A STRAIGHT GUY http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/falling-for-a-straight-guy/ QUARTERBACK WITH THE EMERALD EYES http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/quarterback-with-the-emerald-eyes/ HOUSE PARTY http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/house-party/ DYLAN'S DILEMMA http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/dylans-dilemma/
New ones I've found:
MY GIRLFRIEND'S BROTHER http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/my-girlfriends-brother/
SKI TRIP http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/the-ski-trip/
MY ROOMATE NICK This is a hugely long story. It's based on real life occurrences, as far as I know, and is excellently written. http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/college/my-roommate-nick/
THE ELEMENTAL Gonna be honest, this is amazing. It's different from anything else I've read and is written incredibly well. Genius, I think. Like American-English, it's not focused on the sex, but there are some HOT scenes. The guy who wrote it is a pretty amazing guy too. http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/sf-fantasy/the-elemental/
Let me know what you think of them! And my own of course!
Response to mac_manap@msn.com Personal replies will be sent a.s.a.p.
Thanks again.
H.Mac.