Legal Note From The Sarcasm Department
Do not read this story if:
You are not over 18 years old (or the legal age where you live). Reading this story will land you in jail (unless you're into that type of thing). You don't want to read about men touching other men in somewhat inappropriate places. You are prone to masturbatory spraining.
This story is completely fictional. It is not meant to represent or reproduce any person or situation. If this seems to mirror your life in any way, you're a lucky bastard.
Enjoy!
Spinning Wheels ===============
A French baguette and a 6-pack of Guinness were my companions as I settled in for what looked to be another boring Friday night. Terryn was off to have his "not-date" with Erik, and Sunny hadn't bothered to answer her cell phone. TV just wasn't doing anything for me, and I couldn't quite muster the energy to get dressed to go out, so I ambled around my house looking for something to do.
As usual, the computer was the only thing to offer me solace. As I was digging around my hard drive looking for porn, I came across a folder that I hadn't looked at in ages. My curiosity piqued, I set out to try and recapture the once glorious magic of IRC.
Curiosity quickly gave way to disappointment. Every channel that I joined seemed to be full of people that were either away, a bot, or talking in private. The few "live" folks that joined all popped into the channel, said hello, and then left in disappointment. I was just about to sign off when I noticed a channel called #gaybay. I joined the channel with low expectations, but was pleasantly surprised to see a somewhat lively conversation going on. A few of the channel operators said hello when I entered, and then resumed what appeared to be a furious debate on the merits of having a big dick.
Well, some conversation was better than none at all...
I had just cracked open a bottle of Guinness when I noticed a private message from one of the channel ops.
Darkest_Sinn: Hey there... how's it going?
AngelOfMercy: Not too bad on this end, how are you? AngelOfMercy: This is my first time on IRC in a loooong time.
Darkest_Sinn: I'm doing fine, thanks. Darkest_Sinn: And you picked our little channel to hang out in? I'm flattered! ;)
AngelOfMercy: You guys were the only ones who were actually talking in the channel. I was
starting to think that IRC had gone totally dead in my absence.
Darkest_Sinn: Well, we're not all bots and warez folk, but it does seem like IRC is losing
relevance lately. Darkest_Sinn: It couldn't last forever, I guess. shrug
AngelOfMercy: So how long have you guys been around? It's nice to see locals hanging
out together.
Darkest_Sinn: Let's see... I joined the channel about... 2 years ago? I'm one of the few
left from the original group of regulars. Darkest_Sinn: What part of the Bay are you from? I'm stuck out here on the peninsula.
AngelOfMercy: So am I, actually. North or south?
Darkest_Sinn: I'm down here in college land, hiding my poor self among all of the rich
folk.
AngelOfMercy: I took that a step further... I bought a house among the "rich folk" and
walk amongst them undetected.
Darkest_Sinn: Maybe you should change your nickname to MrMoneybags :)
AngelOfMercy: No way... I dumped every penny I had into buying and restoring this
house, so now I'm a poor bastard. AngelOfMercy: It's proving to be a good investment so far, though, which is great.
Darkest_Sinn: It's always nice to see a plan pay off. Sounds like you have a pretty solid
head on your shoulders! Darkest_Sinn: I know this is odd (and probably more than a little weird), but could I give
you a call? I'm tired of listening to these guys go on about their cyber cocks. :P
I paused and took a long draw off of my beer. The thought of actually giving my phone number out didn't sit well with me, but I was definitely intrigued by this guy. A mildly intelligent idea finally dragged itself to the forefront of my brain and gave me a perfect solution.
AngelOfMercy: I'll tell you what... I'll give you my Skype name, and we can talk that way.
Darkest_Sinn: Be careful there, your nerd is showing ;D
AngelOfMercy: Oh my... I guess I'll have to zip up my pants, then! AngelOfMercy: Ahh, much better. AngelOfMercy: By the way, I have to say that I'm quite impressed with your ability to form
coherent sentences. You seem to be of a rare breed, my good man.
Darkest_Sinn: Hah hah... I try to impress. Darkest_Sinn: Well, luckily for you I just happen to have Skype and my headset all ready
to go, so I'll give you a call in a second.
We traded info, and I rummaged around in my tech junk drawer to find my headset. Just as I got everything set up, Skype chimed in my ear.
"Hello?"
"Why hello there..."
His voice was not at all what I had expected. With a name like "Darkest_Sinn", I imagined a low, grungy voice scarred by years of heavy smoking and drinking. Instead, his voice was extremely mellow, with just a hint of an indecipherable accent.
"Well, since I'm not going to call you 'Darkest_Sinn' all night, I think an introduction is in order. I'm Jeff... and you are?"
"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance Jeff. I'm Sinjin."
"Well, that explains the nickname, I guess. And here I was imagining a crazy rocker with a shattered past and a hazy future, scraping by and evading the law..."
Sinjin laughed at my over-imaginative description.
"Sadly, it's nothing that exciting. Most people call me 'Sin' for short, and I just thought that it sounded cool. The first time I tried using that name, someone was already signed in with one 'n' so I had to go with two. And that's the deep, dark secret behind my nickname."
"Ahh... well, mine is even less exciting than that. A while ago, some friends and I decided that we were going to form a band called 'The Angels Of Mercy'. Since we were incredibly drunk at the time, though, the idea never really pulled together."
"So tell me, Jeff... why Skype? Not that I mind, or anything..."
"Simply put, it's much easier to get a new Skype account than a new phone number. I've had some really creepy guys phone-stalk me in the past, so I'm very wary about giving out my number."
"That's quite understandable. I am glad we have a chance to chat, though... I find it tough to really get to know people via text."
I settled back in my recliner and took a sip of my beer.
"Lucky for you I'm in an awfully generous mood tonight... normally I don't even give people my Skype info. It may be the beer talking, but a little voice said 'ah, why not?'".
"Ahh, a nice watered down MGD for you?"
"Are you kidding me? Guinness for strength! It's the only way to go!"
"A Guinness man? Kudos! I'm a Bass guy myself."
"Well, I can't find fault with that."
An awkward silence started to grow as I tried to think of something interesting to say. The more I tried to concentrate, the more I felt the silence. Without thinking, I chuckled nervously.
"Nickel for your thoughts?"
"Wow, that's awfully generous of you. I was just thinking how odd it was for us to be talking like this."
"Oh, I'm sorry. If I pushed too hard, I can let you go..."
"No! That's not it at all... I'm just a little nervous, I guess."
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm probably just as nervous. I do have to say that I'm somewhat impressed that you haven't asked me how big my dick is yet."
"Does it say 'Giant Penis Man' on your business cards or something?"
Sinjin laughed.
"No, I ran out of those cards a while ago. Usually I just run into guys that want to hook up for a quick fuck, so that question usually comes up within the first 5 minutes of conversation."
"I can guarantee you that I'm not at all interested in a hookup, quick or otherwise. What's the point of having sex if you can't enjoy the aftermath?"
"I agree with you 110%... my days of sowing oats are long behind me."
"If you don't mind me asking, how long ago was that?"
"Hah hah... is that a polite way of asking how old I am?"
"I guess you could put it that way. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"I'm 472 years old, give or take a century."
"Well, how about we take a few off of there?"
"Fine, fine... I'm actually 33."
"Wow, you're not that much older than I am. I'll be 28 in a few weeks."
"What do you mean by 'wow'? How old did you think I was?!"
"You have to admit, 472 is a bit higher up on the scale than 33 is."
"OK, OK, you got me. 472 is actually my birth date... I was an April baby."
"Sheesh, if that's the way the game is played, I'd be 1,077! You're just a young buck compared to me!"
"Alright old man, shall we call a truce?"
"It's a deal... as long as you don't ever call me 'old man' again."
"Only if you promise to do the same..."
"You got it."
I finished off my beer and glanced at the clock. It was still surprisingly early, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was actually enjoying our conversation.
"So tell me, Sinjin, how did your parents pick such a unique name for you?"
"Just call me Sin... everyone else does. As for my name, my mother wanted to pick something interesting to balance out our last name."
"Is your last name 'Flechtenstein' or something?"
"Hah! No, it's actually 'Todd'. My mom couldn't bear to make my first name something simple like 'Brent' or 'Dave', so she went through a baby names book and picked out something that she thought was neat."
"At least it sounds like you're OK with it."
"Yeah, I really am. I used to hate it when I was younger, but I guess I grew into it."
"Ahh, that's cool. Hey, I'll be back in just a second. I'm going to hit the fridge to grab another beer."
"While you do that, I'm going to hit the head. Something tells me I'm going to be talking to you for a while..."
Since a clever retort didn't immediately pop to mind, I left that sentence unanswered as I headed for the kitchen.
=================== Author's Note #10.5 ===================
Not what you were expecting, was it? Well, I'm sorry if you hated it, and I'm not at all sorry if you liked it! :) A promotion at work and my attempts to get a podcast up and going has monopolized my time as of late, and I just didn't feel like I could really do my "main" guys justice right now. Their story is FAR from over, though, and there will probably be one more 1/2 chapter about Jeff and Sinjin before it gets folded back into the main storyline. Chapter 11 is coming along slowly, but gives me a warm fuzzy feeling already. I hate to say it, but Chapter 11 will be up as soon as it's done... but I don't know how long that will take. I truly appreciate all of you that have stuck by this story through its many delays!
This story is dedicated to the perfect man in an imperfect situation... here's to hoping that the future brings us better tidings. I could really use another bear this year...
Copyright 2005 by TehGenius. Comments and constructive criticism welcome at stories@tehgenius.com.