Legal Note From The Sarcasm Department
Do not read this story if:
You are not over 18 years old (or the legal age where you live). Reading this story will land you in jail (unless you're into that type of thing). You don't want to read about men touching other men in somewhat inappropriate places. You are prone to masturbatory spraining.
This story is completely fictional. It is not meant to represent or reproduce any person or situation. If this seems to mirror your life in any way, you're a lucky bastard.
Enjoy!
A Tender Touch ==============
Without another word, Terryn slid down the length of the post and thumped to the ground. I rushed forward, took his chin in my hand and leaned in to make sure that he was still breathing.
"Well, it looks like the two lovebirds finally decided to get together!"
I whipped my head around to see Sunny and Sarah standing in the patio doorway with giant grins on their faces. The smiles faded as they saw the worried look on my face.
"What happened?"
"He just passed out! He's been here less than an hour and he's hammered already!"
Sarah ran over and shook her head.
"He only had one drink! Unless he was pounding them down at the bar or something..."
I glanced at Sarah and narrowed my eyes.
"And just how would you know that?"
Sarah squeaked out a nervous giggle.
"He... kinda... came with us?"
"How in the hell did THAT happen?"
"Well, it turns out that your lover boy over there is Sunny's boss. Being the amazing geniuses that we are, we put two and two together yesterday and voila... your new boyfriend was delivered to you on a silver platter."
"He's not my boyfriend..."
"He will be soon enough! What I don't understand is how he got so trashed without either of us noticing."
"I don't know, either. Did you guys give him a ride or did he meet you here?"
"He met us here... he said he had some work to finish up so he stayed after Sunny left."
"Shit..."
I glanced back at Terryn's face. He had passed out cold, but at least he was still breathing. I fished around in my pocket and pulled out my car keys.
"Sarah, can you let the guys know what's going on? I need you to take my car home for me... I'm going to take Terryn home."
"Perv..."
"Not right now, I'm not..."
I knelt down next to Terryn and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He wasn't heavy by any means, but drunk weight is most often dead weight and he wasn't exactly offering his assistance. Once I had hauled him up to a standing position, Sunny stood on the other side and helped me keep him standing.
As we walked back into the bar, we got a lot of curious stares from the suddenly interested crowd. Though I was hoping to avoid it, my mother caught sight of what was going on and jostled her way through the crowd.
"Hon, I really don't want to ask but... why do you have someone draped over your shoulder?"
"Ma, don't worry about it. He had a little too much to drink and I'm taking him home. You going to be alright here without me?"
"Bahh! Don't you worry about me! You get your boyfriend home and I'll see you later."
"He's not my boyfriend!"
Being that I had been fantasizing about the man so casually draped over my arm for three years, and that he had pretty much admitted that he liked me, I wasn't really sure why I was so stridently denying any hint of a relationship. As I was wondering, Terryn let out a loud belch.
Guess his being drunk would be as good a reason as any...
As Sunny, Terryn and I slowly made our way past the stage, Sarah hopped down and handed me my guitar case.
"I let them know what was going on, and Beans packed your guitar up for you. He says you owe him a beer."
I gently unhooked my hand from Terryn's side and gave Beans a thumbs up. Terryn started to mumble something until I put my arm back around him. He stopped mumbling and sighed, resting his head on our shoulders. Reveling in such a simple comfort made me never want to move again for a brief instant, but Sunny prodded him gently in the side and he started shuffling along with us again. As we were leaving, I saw Jeff fuming near the bar. He stepped away from the bar as if he was going to head toward us, but then just brushed us off and headed to the dance floor.
It felt like it took an hour just to make it to his car. Sarah reached into his pocket to look for his keys.
"Mmm... you picked a keeper! That's a nice, firm package he's got there! No... wait... just his wallet."
I glared at Sarah, but she pretended not to notice as she pulled out his keys. She opened the passenger door so that I could maneuver Terryn into the seat. Once he was all strapped in, I closed the door and sagged against the car. Sunny passed me her lit cigarette and I gratefully took a drag before handing it back.
"Want us to follow you and give you a ride home?"
"Nahh, I'm going to stay for a little bit to make sure that he doesn't drown in his own puke or something. Can you just toss my guitar in the trunk and leave the keys in my room?"
"Hmmm... I'm not sure that I trust you to be left alone with him."
I started to snap back at her, but she just threw up her hands in defeat and tossed Terryn's keys to me.
"Alright, alright... get him in bed and don't do anything that I wouldn't do."
"That pretty much leaves my options open, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, pretty much!"
Sarah gave me a peck on the cheek and then dragged her girlfriend back into the club. I hopped into the driver's seat, checked to make sure that Terryn was still OK and then headed toward Terryn's house. Each time I stopped at a stoplight, I couldn't help but glance at him... he looked incredibly peaceful in his daze and would occasionally shift in the seat before resuming his soft snoring.
As I pulled into Terryn's apartment complex, I pulled into the first available spot near Terryn's door. I was really hoping that no one would come storming up to Terryn's place to complain about me stealing their spot, but at that moment I had more pressing concerns on my mind. I opened the passenger side door and tried to shake Terryn into some semblance of alertness. He groaned, but did his best to try to get out of the car under his own power.
He wasn't very successful.
Somehow I managed to drag the two of us up to his front door. The cat that I had seen the night before was stalking back and forth on the front step like a miniscule club bouncer. I propped Terryn up with his back against the wall to keep him steady while I tried to figure out which one of the 5 identical keys would open the front door. Just before I found the right one, I noticed Terryn starting to slide down the wall. Without thinking, I hooked my arm around him and hauled him back upright. I could feel my heart racing from more than just the exertion. For a brief moment, Terryn's eyes had focused on something and I couldn't help but marvel at the purity of the green that I saw there. I could feel little bits of stucco pressing into my arm, but I just couldn't care. As Terryn breathed in and out, I could feel the rise and fall of his chest through his shirt. I stopped myself just short of kissing him, suddenly remembering just how I had come to be holding him like this.
"Oh, the things I'd do to you if you weren't drunk..."
I stood up straight, taking a deep breath to calm myself and then finally found the right key. I struggled to get Terryn through the narrow doorway without dropping him, but I finally managed to get us both in the house. Without pausing to catch my breath, I dragged Terryn into his bedroom, flicked on the lights and sat him down on his bed.
Terryn's first reaction as I knelt down to take off his shoes was to fall backwards across the bed and resume his earlier snoring. I briefly pondered taking off his pants, but the prude in me got the last laugh and I simply maneuvered him so that he was oriented the right way in the bed. There was a light blanket neatly folded at the foot of the bed, and since it was pretty warm in the apartment I decided that it would do. As I unfolded the blanket, I suddenly had one of those odd, incongruous flashes of insight that come out of the blue. Simultaneously I realized that Terryn's hair was still bound in the thong and remembered where I had seen his car parked. I wasn't sure whether leaving the thong in would make things harder for Terryn when he woke up, but I decided to leave it in rather than risk him getting tangled up in his own hair. Once he had been covered with the blanket, I headed back out to the front room, grabbed his keys and went to move his car.
Liquid Dreams =============
I think he... ... I thought...
My room... ...why?
It's warm... ...that's nice...
He's not here.
Tender Loving Care ==================
With Terryn's car safe from the threat of an irate neighbor, I slipped back into the apartment to make sure that he was still soundly asleep. I couldn't help but chuckle as I walked into the bedroom. In less than 10 minutes, Terryn had managed to gather the blanket that I had so carefully placed over him into a wad in front of him, and he was cuddling it like a baby. The smile faded from my lips as I realized how badly I wanted to be that blanket. I gently sat down on the edge of the bed next to him and placed my hand on his arm. He stirred a bit at first, but calmed as I slowly ran my hand up and down his arm. I could have sat there all night just watching him sleep, but the longer I stayed the more awkward I felt being in his house without him being really aware of it.
I sighed and stood up. The comforter on the bed wasn't tucked in to anything, so I walked around the bed and wrapped it half way over Terryn. While I was doing that, I realized that there was a bathroom just off of Terryn's bedroom. I searched through the medicine cabinet and quickly found exactly what I had been looking for. That task done, I dashed back out to the front room and found a pad of paper by the phone. I scratched out a note, left it on the nightstand next to Terryn and then turned off the lights. I blew him a kiss from the doorway, made sure his keys were on the table where he had tossed them the night before and let myself out. I sighed again once I had double checked to ensure that the door was locked from the inside.
Twice I had walked away from this house, and twice I had walked away disappointed. With a leaden sense of purpose, I trudged home in silence.
As Dawn Breaks ==============
The shrill sounds of screeching breaks and squealing tires brought me instantly from sleep to wake. I involuntarily shot up in bed and immediately clapped my hands to my temples. It felt like a herd of elephants had stampeded through my head, leaving in their wake a slightly more raucous band of chattering monkeys.
I sat in the same position for a while as I tried to wait out the headache. After several minutes of concentrated breathing I was finally able to open my eyes without wanting to yell, and I glanced around my room.
My room?
Tiny slivers of the previous night slowly paraded through the throbbing pain of the headache. I remembered going to the bar, I remembered Erik singing... but everything after that was swaddled in a thick haze. Trying to remember everything that had happened just made the headache worse, so I decided to focus on the present. As I shifted around in the bed, I noticed that I was still wearing the outfit that I had worn to the club. If I had been too fucked up to get undressed before bed, how the hell had I gotten home? Hoping that Sunny would know, I blindly groped across the surface of the nightstand looking for my cell phone.
My hand made contact not with my phone, but with a carefully folded piece of paper. My eyebrows furrowed as I picked the sheet up and read the short note.
Take 2 of these and call me in the morning.
-Erik
Erik had written his phone number just below his signature, and right next to where the note had been left there was a half full glass of water and several aspirin on the nightstand. I smiled as I fingered the edge of the note and thought about how much I appreciated such a simple act.
A chill swept through me as I suddenly realized that I had no idea what time it was. An involuntary hiss escaped my lips as the throbbing in my temples thundered even louder when I swung my head around to look at the clock Luckily for me, the inopportune racer made sure that I was up just before I needed to be, so I still had plenty of time to shower before I had to leave for work.
After gratefully downing the aspirin and water, I slid out of bed and turned on the hot water in the shower. The combination of hot water steaming all around me and the inhalation of some fragrant soap helped to calm the pain a bit, and after I had gotten dressed I scarfed down some English muffins slathered with jelly to soothe my stomach. I had almost pushed the half remembered events of the previous night out of my head when I saw my car keys sitting in their expected spot. I wasn't sure how Erik had known where they went, but every little bit of familiarity helped take the edge off of the weirdness.
Just before I left the house, I groped my pockets to make sure that everything was in its place and realized that I hadn't thought to grab my cell phone. I dashed back into the bedroom, grabbed the phone and programmed Erik's number into my phone book. I wasn't sure if I would even have the nerve to call him, but I knew that I didn't want to forget it.
When I got to work, Sunny was sitting in my chair with a smug smile on her face.
"Did you and lover boy have fun last night?"
"I don't even know what HAPPENED last night, let alone if I enjoyed myself!"
"Here's a quick quiz for you... does it hurt to sit down?"
Sunny smirked and stood from my chair. With a theatrical flourish, she pointed at the chair and bowed. Just to prove a point, I hoped in the chair and bounced up and down a few times with a huge grin on my face.
"It seems to me that you have made an incorrect assumption, young lady!"
"Awww, poor TJ didn't have any fun last night."
"Seriously... what the hell happened?"
"Well, from what I saw, you were fine when you brought us our drinks, you disappeared and then reappeared draped over Erik's shoulder completely unconscious."
"I don't get it. I had one drink at the bar, and then I started to feel dizzy after you guys started dancing again. I know I didn't eat much yesterday but that's never bothered me before."
Sunny patted my head like a dog.
"Awww... it's a shame that you can't handle your alcohol. Maybe you should stick to girly drinks like Seabreezes and Cosmos."
She winked as she walked out of my office. Mildly perturbed that I still didn't really have a grasp on what had happened at the club, I busied myself with the seemingly endless pile of work that always adorned my desk. I was knee deep in yet another marketing pitch idea when the intercom on my desk buzzed.
"Your other boyfriend is on line 2."
"You know Sunny... if you weren't such a pleasant person, I'd think you were a raving bitch!"
"Ouch... you really know how to cut to the core of a girl, don't you?"
"Since when are you a girl?"
Sunny chuckled and dropped the connection. I hit the speakerphone button on my handset and greeted my best friend warmly.
"Being that it's far too early for you to beg me to take you to lunch, to what do I owe the honor of this call?"
"My, my... isn't Skanky McSlutty in a foul mood this morning?"
"Oh jeez... how long were you talking to Sunny for?"
"Just long enough for her to tell me that you threw yourself at your dream date in a drunken stupor and then took him home!"
"WHAT?! That's total bullshit, and she knows it!"
Jeff started to laugh as I prepared to launch into an anti-Sunny tirade.
"Calm down... she told me what actually happened, but it was much more fun to make you fly off the handle like that! Please tell me that you at LEAST got his number out of this?"
"Yeah, I did. I have to at least call and thank him for getting me home safely."
"That's the spirit. Anyway, the real reason that I called was to see if you wanted to go to the movies tonight. They're doing a Mel Brooks double feature at that crappy little art house cinema which I thought you'd dig."
"Count me in... I'll call you later and we'll set it up, OK?"
"Sure... oh... one last thing. Want to take me to lunch?"
I could hear the grin at the other end of the line.
"Sorry partner, you're on your own this time. Why don't you try getting that guy in the mailroom to eat you for lu-... I mean eat lunch with you?"
"Very funny. I'll tell you all about that little saga tonight, OK?"
"Alright. Gotta run, but have fun eating all by your lonesome!"
"Cock!"
"Yummy!"
I hung up the phone and got back to work. My job wasn't glamorous by any means, but I never woke up feeling like I didn't want to go to work. Some people tended to look down on the marketing department as if they were the lying spawns of Satan, but there was nothing more satisfying than seeing an ad that I had helped to create make it into a major magazine or into a prime time slot on TV.
As I worked, I frequently grabbed at my pocket to feel the reassuring weight of my cell phone. After a while, I took it out and put it on top of my desk and stared at it for a long time. As lunch time approached, I finally steeled my nerves and started dialing. The phone rang for what seemed like an eternity before a decidedly un-male voice answered the phone.
"Erik's personal secretary speaking, how may I molest you today?"
"Sarah?"
"Hey Terryn! For some reason I thought it was Sunny calling Erik. He's busy making drinks right now, but if you call back in about 5 minutes he should be on his break."
"Alright, I'll call him in a little bit. Thanks Sarah."
Rather than taking forever, the intervening 5 minute stretch seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. I grabbed my cell phone again, hit redial and held my breath.
"So I take it you're feeling better?"
His voice hit my ears and my captive breath came out in a whoosh of air.
"Yeah, I'm actually feeling a lot better. I just wanted to call and say thank you for getting me home last night. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been around."
"You're quite welcome, Terryn. I hope you weren't freaked out too badly when you woke up this morning, but I figured that being safe and sound at home had to have been better than sleeping it off on a cold, wet patio!"
Erik chuckled as I chewed nervously at the end of a pen.
"It was a little bit weird waking up in my own bed with no idea as to how I got there, but I have to agree that it was a much better place to wake up! I'll tell you what... you said that your band was playing again on Thursday, right?"
"Yep, every Tuesday and Thursday at The Stone."
"I'll make you a deal... I'll swing by and buy you a beer as my way of saying thanks."
"Actually, I'll do you one better. Have any plans on Friday night?"
"Not that I know of, why?"
"Good. There's a burger place near your house that has El Cheapo Fridays every week, and I haven't been able to make it in a while. You interested?"
My palms felt sweaty as I fervently hoped that I wasn't reading too much into that last comment.
"Definitely! I used to go there all the time when I was little. I should be out of here by about 6:30-ish, and it won't take me that long to get there. Does that work for you?"
"I'm pretty sure that I'll be working the morning shift that day, so that should be fine."
"I'll tell you what... give me a call on Friday and we'll sort schedule stuff out then. Cool?"
"Works for me."
I gave him my number, said my goodbyes and then hung up the phone. I did a little dance in my chair and immediately called Jeff back.
"I changed my mind... we're going for lunch."
================ Author's Note #8 ================
Ahh to be writing again feels great! I hadn't planned on bookending the month with chapters, but better late than never I suppose. To those of you that have mentioned it, I promise that there is very little angst left in the story, at least for these two! Hope you enjoyed it!
This story is dedicated to the perfect man in an imperfect situation... here's to hoping that the future brings us better tidings. Wish you were here...
Copyright 2005 by TehGenius. Comments and constructive criticism welcome at stories@tehgenius.com.