Disclaimer from the Author: This story is a work of fiction. This story is homoerotic in nature. If reading this kind of material is otherwise forbidden by you than STOP HERE! If you should choose to continue then do so AT YOUR OWN RISK. This story is a bit emotional as this story starts out. Anyone or anywhere that is used here is based on slight reality and again is presented in fiction.
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Anthony's Desire
Written by Talkwriter
Chapter 1 Death Warmed Over
I looked at the clock and saw that the time was shortly after midnight.
I lay awake wondering where he was. The last time I remembered, he was lying next to me and we had just had sex. As I lay there on the bed, I began to build up the courage to go looking for him. I got off the bed put on my housecoat and slippers and left the bedroom. I could feel my anger building as I went down the hall. I was surprised when I poked my head into the computer room and found he was not there.
"This is really weird!" I thought to myself as I walked throughout the rest of the house.
"WHERE IN THE HELL IS HE?" I kept asking myself almost to the point of anger.
Then I saw it. Sitting on the mantle of the fireplace in the family room was his urn of ashes.
"Damn it!" The sight of that brought me to an instant outburst of tears. It had been a week since his death and I was a wreck. For the past week, I have awakened from a sleep wondering where he was, only to find myself breaking down at the same sight every time.
My name is Anthony. The love of my life was Josh. Josh's death was so horrifying I do not want to give an account of what happened. I do not even think I could right now.
I am twenty years old, almost twenty one. Josh would have been twenty, had his horrible death not happened.
His parents have considered me part of the family from the first time they met me. I am like the second son they wanted and could not have by the usual means.
I have azure eyes and red hair, which I keep spiked. I have a thin mustache. I don't bother growing a beard. I do, however grow a goatee.
Until Josh's sudden death, I was athletic; now I am a work-a-holic, working upwards of thirty five hours a week at CompTech, where I am a computer technician, and owner of the company. We had met back in our senior year of High School.
He was a great person. He was generous, loving and a fun person to be with. Josh played football and I wrestled. We both were varsity and lettered in each of our prospective sports. Once we graduated from high school and attended College at the University of Alaska-Anchorage, UAA, we fell in love. I started out working towards a degree in English until I found my talent with Computers. Then I switched to a degree in Information Technology.
Josh started his degree in Biology from a degree in Accounting, until his premature death took him away from me and the rest of the world I gladly shared with him.
The day started as a routine day, and quickly wound up turning into a living hell when I suddenly spotted the urn of ashes.
Josh and I bought a 2-story Log Home. In the family room is beautiful rock fireplace and on the mantle, I have placed a very special ornamental urn. The urn is marble, is 6 inches in height by 8.5 inches wide. On the front of this urn is an Angel made of hand-finished pewter.
Josh's parents chose this special urn and presented that to me during a rather difficult memorial service. Being in this log house without my Josh is rather difficult at times. Each night I wake up wondering where he is and then I spot that urn and cry as I remember he is no longer with me.
I know I said his death was too horrifying for me to describe, but I will now try to relive the events that led to his death. I do feel some guilt, simply because of what happened.
Josh, I, and some classmates went to a party. Some of our friends brought snowmachines with them. The spot we went to, was an area in Turnagain Pass. A common and dangerous game that many people do with snow machines is "high marking", a deadly game I would suggest nobody play under ANY circumstance. This game involves seeing who can go the highest up the side of the mountain before gravity brings the machine back down the mountain. More often than not, this results in the snow following down with great force behind them, if not on top of them, resulting in a HORRIBLE DEATH.
Anyway, Josh was a bit of a daredevil. On a dare, he decided to play along, wanting to impress the group of friends that were with us. I was in no way impressed by the shear stupidity of this activity.
Unfortunately, he did not make it very far up the mountain before we heard a loud rumble. Several guys from the group had been up before him. The next thing we heard were several of the girls scream in horror, as we suddenly saw this white sheet of snow coming down from behind and completely cover Josh and the machine he was riding on.
I knew that he did not even have a chance, since he now had been covered in over 50 feet of snow.
At that point, I wanted to cry, but I had to be strong for Josh, even though I knew there was nothing I could do. The next series of events were like a sudden slow motion movie, as people suddenly were disappearing. I grabbed my cell phone hoping that where I was, I could call 911 since apparently nobody gave a shit about me or Josh or what had happened.
"9-1-1 Operator. What is your emergency?" Asked a rather calm voice.
"MY PARTNER IS TRAPPED UNDER AT LEAST 50 FEET OF SNOW." I literally screamed into the phone.
"Sir, I need you to calm down. I am dispatching help, now. I see you are calling from a cellular telephone, I need your exact location for the emergency rescue crew." The operator said, in an annoyingly calm voice.
"I AM IN TURNAGAIN PASS. PLEASE HURRY!" I continued to scream into the phone.
"Sir, I have dispatched the local Search and Rescue Team, they will be arriving in about 30 minutes. Please stay on line until they arrive." The dispatcher said.
I started screaming and running in the direction of the mountain where I knew my beloved Josh now was buried.
Twenty minutes later, the scene transitioned from slow motion to a rather fast pace, as I suddenly heard a chopper overhead and saw it land about ten feet from me, several snow machines appeared out of nowhere and several people with dogs appeared.
I was crouched on my knees when I felt a light tap on my shoulder.
"Son, what happened here?" An older man in uniform asked.
"MISTER, MY FRIEND IS BURIED OVER THERE, UNDER A BUNCH OF FUCKING SNOW." I Said loudly, as I pointed to a mountain 30 feet from where I stood.
"Okay. We'll try and find him." The State Trooper said, calmly.
Several hours passed, and all I could think is how I am here without Josh, and how he is buried under all that snow, and how this cannot be happening. As the time dragged on, a dog barked indicating that the dog picked up something.
"We got something! Over here!" A rather young and cute rescue worker said.
In horror, I watched as they recovered Josh's helmet from the snow. I suddenly realized that in the helmet was his head.
The helmet was an Arctic Cat Helmet and was black with red and grey racing stripes. The helmet had a sun visor, which completely shattered in impact during the horrible accident.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD! Where is the rest of him?" I screamed and broke into a flood of tears. I cried for what felt like hours, even though it was, maybe ten minutes. Several hours later, after many hours of digging the rescue team finally recovered the rest of my beloved Josh. It occurred to me, after we left the scene and arrived back into Anchorage, that neither Josh's Parents nor mine, know that Josh; my brother, and the love of my life, has died. I asked a friend of mine to drive me home.
"Mom, Dad, I have some horrible news. J-J-osh is dead!" I said, as I burst into tears.
I cried endless tears as I relived the whole experience, and by the time I finished our parents were in tears.
Several weeks of preparation and waiting resulted in a series of events happening in succession. First, The Accidental Death Insurance Policy that my parents had on Josh was paid and with that came the creation of a trust fund of a half million dollars. Second, part of trust fund money went to pay for the log house that Josh and I were purchasing.
The third event, that happened was the pick up of Josh's head and body cleared by the coroner's office so that the body could be cremated.
The fourth event was the most difficult event of all. The planning and execution of Josh's memorial service. This service was emotional for everyone in attendance.
My entire office showed up along with many of my classmates. Several of Josh's friends and co-workers attended as well. The highlight of the service was a surprise that totally had me crying a flood of tears was the beautiful urn now sitting on my fireplace mantle.
This urn, as I mentioned earlier, has a beautiful pewter angel on the front. I am not religious, although I do consider myself a spiritual person and I do adore angels.
Looking back on this memorial service, I realize that Josh's death has left a hole in my life. I realize that I cannot bring him back. I can wish all I want, but I realize his death happened anyway.
For the next four years, I endured the endless pain of a broken heart. I would wake up nightly wondering where my Josh was and each time as I keep repeating, I would find his urn in this fucking family room.
One day I was talking to Mom, and she suggested I seek counseling and even suggested a counselor who was Gay friendly. I agreed and told her I would go see him.
Meeting the counselor happened a week from my conversation with mom. The counselor, Michael Newkirk, is a man in his mid 40's. His specialty is Psychotherapy.
For three days a week, we worked on the death of my boyfriend and lover Josh.
For the next 6 years, I saw Dr. Newkirk until we both agreed that I was mostly over Josh.
Please stay tuned for the next chapter...
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