Any Path

Wow. First of all I'd like to thank Nifty and David, and also give biiiiigg thanks to everyone who's written to say that they're enjoying "Any Path" - Colleen, Alan, Dennis (the author of "Justin's Real World", which you should read!) and all others liking my little tale. Well, here's part two. Disclaimers, legal stuff, yadd yadda is in part one.

I own none of this. Comments eagerly accepted at DaraLynn@altavista.com or DaraLynn_writings@hotmail.com.

~Any Path~ by DaraLynn

PART TWO

"Some reckon their age by years, Some measure their lives by art; But some tell their days by the flow of their tears And their lives by the moans of their hearts."

• Abram Joseph Ryan

~The Second Session~

Brian stopped speaking and paused, as though he'd forgotten there was another person in the room. Doctor Gorman, who had listened in first polite, then sympathetic silence, looked at his patient helplessly. But he knew what to say.

"It was not your fault, Brian. Not at all."

"I can't stop thinking about all those times we left Nick alone with...with him. Whether it was going to a concert or walking out of a room."

"It wasn't your fault."

"All those nights I slept, in the next bed or the next room, all those times I sang with him. All those days Nick had to deal with this. Alone. All those excuses he made. And I didn't know."

"It was not your fault."

Brian's voice began to waver. "We practically raised him, you know. I helped him with his homework. I comforted him when he got homesick. I taught him how to play basketball. I tried to answer all his questions about girls, sex, fame, life. He would fall asleep with his head in my lap.

And I didn't know! All this time he was being fucked with by our so-called father figure, and I DID NOT KNOW!!"

Resisting the urge to simply break into a million pieces right there, Brian sobbed into his hands for a minute, trying to settle himself. Finally, he looked up.

"It was not your fault."

Brian laughed a little, but there was no mirth in it. "Maybe not. Maybe so."

"No one ever expects something like this. How can they? Good, caring people understandably cannot conceive of why anybody would hurt a child this way, or anyone. The truth is, we still don't know why people do these things. But we do know that the victim often, out of fear or shame, protects the abuser by his or her silence. No one ever knows, not really, until-"

"Until it's happened. Until it's too late. Yeah."

Brian looked away. "You don't have to do the 'it's-not-your-fault' thing with me, Doc. Deep down somewhere I know it's not my fault. But that doesn't change what happened. Nothing can. And nothing could change what was still to come, I guess.

"My grandma used to say that if you have a good heart, any path you take is better than standing still. For a long time I never doubted that. But I keep wondering if anything I could have done then, or earlier, anything anyone could have done, would have spared us, spared Nick, all that pain. Probably not. Fate, and destiny, and all that. They somehow seem so much crueller when it's your story they control."

Brian's eyes flickered back to the doctor's. "Um, you're bound by law not to repeat anything I tell you, right?"

"Absolutely. Nothing leaves this room."

Brian nodded. "Good. Where was I? Oh, yes. The world had been turned upside-down..." ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian gently lowered his sleeping friend onto Nick's bed. Tucking him in, he noticed that Nick's face, though still wet with tears, seemed somehow relieved, just a little. The boy had calmed down enough to answer a few questions, and had drifted, sobbing, into a dreamless sleep. Brian sat motionless next to his friend, fists clenched with the rage he was holding back.

//I'm gonna kill that bastard. I'll torture him till he begs for death...//

//No. That won't help. It would make things worse. All you can do now is be here for Nick.//

//That's not enough!//

//It will have to be.//

Nick stirred, and Brian tensed. But the youngest Backstreet Boy remained asleep, peacefully for perhaps the first time in years. The monsters had been chased away for now, the real-life monsters in suits and ties, real monsters who looked human.

//Never again, Nicky. I'll die before I let him touch you again.//

A sound of voices rose in the hallway. Brian quickly stepped out of the room just in time to meet A.J., Howie and Kevin, who was still wiping the cheese off his shirt. They were talking amiably, but at the sight of Brian, with his bloodshot eyes and troubled look, the three fell silent.

Predictably, Kevin took the lead. "Brian? What's wrong?"

He glanced with alarm at Brian and Nick's door, then back to his cousin. "Where is Nick?"

"Asleep," Brian said, pitching his voice low and soft. "Group meeting in your room, Kev. Now."

"Brian, is everything okay?"

"No, Kev. And it hasn't been for a long time." ------------------------------------------------------------------------

The frosty moonlight shone faintly into the still and shadowed room. All was silent, save for A.J.'s murmured chanting of "Oh my God, no" from where he was huddled next to the bed. Howie's face wore a mixed expression of honest shock and growing fury. He clutched the arms of the chair he sat in so tightly that his fingers were white. Kevin leaned against the wall as though for support, his pained eyes gazing dumbly at his cousin. Brian sat on the bed, feeling numb and broken as he finished relating the night's events.

The oldest spoke slowly, his voice hollow. "How-how long...since when..."

Brian knew what he was asking. "Since the beginning. About five years."

"Oh my fucking God." Kevin slid down the wall and sat roughly on the carpet.

Abruptly A.J. leaped up and headed for the door. Brian, not entirely surprised, blocked him.

"A.J., where are you going?"

"I'm gonna find Lou and gut him like a goddam fish. Outta my way, Rok."

"You can't do that."

"THE HELL I CAN'T!" A.J. began to push Brian aside, and nearly succeeded before Kevin pulled them apart.

"Brian's right. We have to think about this."

"THINK?!" A.J. was nearly hysterical. "There's nothing to THINK about! How can you stand there so calmly while that asshole's still breathing?!

"And you..." A.J. turned to Brian. "You're his best friend! Don't stand there and tell me you don't feel the same as me!"

"I do, A.J. This hurts me as much as it does you, maybe more."

//This is not the time,// Brian thought, //to tell them why.//

Howie finally spoke. "I'm with A.J."

Brian stared at him, dumbfounded. Howie had always been the peacemaker, the least likely of all of them to use his fists.

Howie continued, anger shaking his normally-level voice.

"We trusted Lou. Our parents trusted him. All this time we've been making him millions and telling the world what a great guy he is. I know killing him would be wrong, but I don't care. Nick is my baby brother. I cannot let this go!"

"We're not talking about letting this go, D." said Kevin, still struggling for composure. "That's not an option. Look, I know we are all feeling the same rage right now - Bone, believe me, inside I am anything but calm. But I have to think of Nick first. We have to think of Nick first."

To the cousins' relief, A.J. moved away from the door, flinging off his sunglasses as he went.

"Fine," he said shortly. "Talk now, kill later."

He looked morosely at Brian and Kevin. "I suppose you two have some sort of logical solution?"

Fortunately, Kevin's sense had returned to him. "If we kill Lou - though that sounds really tempting right now - that's the end of us. We'd get put in jail when Nicky needs us the most. If Nick wants to press charges, it'd be a hell of a media circus, but I'm behind him, whatever he wants to do."

A.J. spoke up. "Um...Bri? Did-did Nick tell you exactly what Lou did to him?"

Brian closed his eyes. "Yeah. Maybe it was a bad time to ask, but I didn't want him to hold it in any longer."

"And? Did he...you know..." A.J. struggled to speak, to find the words he so desperately didn't want to say, "...fuck him?"

Kevin gasped as though he were stabbed. Three pairs of eyes pleaded silently with Brian for the answer.

"No. Everything else you can do, just about."

Fresh tears wet A.J.'s uncovered eyes; still tears of anger, but there was a little relief in them now too. "But...but not that?"

"No." Brian's voice shook with disgust. "But I think that's why Nick admitted it now, why he was suddenly acting so strange. Lou told Nick that he wanted to start doing that, very soon."

"Oh God..." Kevin put his fist up to his mouth and sobbed against it.

"Yeah. At least Nick was spared that. A.J., if he hadn't been I don't think I would've stopped you. It's strange, but..."

A.J. nodded; he understood. "Like the straw that broke the camel's back."

"Yeah."

"Um, guys?" asked Howie. "What do we do now?"

No answer came. In the silence they all, not even realizing it, looked at Kevin. He sighed, and leaned his head back against the wall.

"We all get some sleep. Tomorrow we start talking to Nick and find out what he wants to do."

Kevin grabbed a piece of paper from the dresser and studied it. "Okay, tomorrow we have an interview on VH1 at noon, and a photo shoot at three."

A.J. looked puzzled. "Don't we have a rehearsal?"

"It's been postponed; problems with the equipment. Brian, you can stay here with Nick and we'll say you two weren't feeling well. That story will fit in with you two missing the party, and also if anyone noticed that Nick was a little off during the fan conference. Since we got concerts coming up, missing an interview is understandable if some of us need rest. We'll have to see about the photo shoot, at least for Nick...can you guys handle it?"

The three nodded with relief; Kevin was back to his take-charge self. Kevin wiped his eyes and smiled weakly.

"Okay. Bed-time, guys."

A.J. spoke up, his voice low. "I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep, man. No way. I'd rather be with Nick, ya know, keep aneye on him."

"Me too," agreed Howie.

Brian looked at Kevin questioningly. Kevin smiled and shook his head.

"Okay, everyone grab your pillows and blankets and report to Bri and Nick's room for an impromptu camp-out. But we have to sleep!"

"Yes, sir!" A.J. and Howie spoke in unison, and after saluting Kevin they ran to get their stuff. Brian smiled gratefully at his cousin as the two carried Kevin's pillows and a thick blanket across the hall.

//I guess we all feel the same way. Nobody wants to be alone right now, and we all want to be with Nick.//

//Not like you do...//

"Shut up!" Brian hissed, accidentally speaking out loud.

Kevin looked at him worriedly. "Who ya talking to, Rok?"

Brian looked at him with a forced smile. "Myself, I guess. Sorry."

Kevin was about to respond when the two heard faint sobbing and cries of "No! Please!" from inside the hotel room. Pushing the door open, they rushed in and hurried to Nick's side.

The blond boy was thrashing wildly on the bed, his voice pleading, his eyes squeezed shut. "Don't touch me! Please, don't..."

"Nicky, it's okay!" Brian spoke, but Kevin reached the dreamer first. He sat on the bed, lifted Nick up and gently shook him.

"Nicky, wake up!"

Nick's eyes flew open, and they were wide with terror.

"No! Get away from me!" He fought wildly, trying to free himself from the strong hands.

Kevin held him firmly, but his voice grew softer. "Nick, it's Kevin. You were having a nightmare."

Nick became still, and his eyes blinked in confusion as they began to see clearly.

"Kevin?" His voice was small and scared, that of a young child.

The older man nodded, his eyes growing as wet as the boy's.

"Yeah, honey, it's me. It's gonna be okay now. I swear, somehow it's gonna be okay now..." He pulled Nick closer and held him tightly. Nick hugged his oldest brother back, and he began to calm down.

Finally he noticed Brian, and spoke to him as he gently pulled away from Kevin. "You told them, huh?"

Brian simply nodded.

"It's okay, Frick. I figured you would."

Just then, the door opened, and A.J. and Howie strolled in. Upon seeing that Nick was awake, they dropped their stuff and went over to him. They wrapped their arms around him in turns, and Nick hugged his friends back with all the strength he had. As A.J. pulled away, he looked at Nick tearfully.

"Kaos, I'm so sorry. We're so sorry we didn't know."

"Bone, guys, it's okay. You couldn't have known. Please don't blame yourselves 'cause it'll just make me feel worse, 'kay?"

A.J. nodded bravely, gently mussing Nick's hair.

Kevin spoke up, the voice of reason as always. "Okay, guys. We can all talk tomorrow - right now you all need to sleep. Me too."

Nick nodded, the nightmare seeming far away for the moment. He noticed the heap of pillows and blankets on the floor, and smiled.

"What's going on here? A slumber party?"

Brian laughed, and was surprised he still could. "These clowns wanna camp out in here tonight...if that's okay with you, Frack."

Nick smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Great!" A.J. grinned cheesily at the blond, and he and Howie quickly arranged their pillows and blankets between the two beds.

Brian hugged his best friend one last time before crawling into his own bed. He, Howie and A.J were, miraculously, asleep within minutes, but the last two had not moved from their positions on Nick's bed.

The younger boy looked up nervously. "Kev? Could you...sleep in the bed with me? I'm kinda scared to be alone."

Kevin smiled lovingly at his baby brother. "Of course, Nicky."

The two climbed under the covers. Nick trembled a little, then relaxed as he felt Kevin's strong arms around him. As the youngest Backstreet Boy allowed sleep to take him, he softly murmured, "Thanks, Boo."

The use of the old, long-unused nickname sent a rush of warmth through Kevin. "Anytime, Nicky. Anytime."

Kevin held the blond boy protectively as he slept, just as he had all those nights when a younger Nick had complained of nightmares, or had been missing home. As the starry night covered the world like a cold, dark blanket, the five Backstreet Boys slept, undisturbed by dreams. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ (a few days later)

"Aah! Man, Frick, you suck!"

"Suck?! I've never done this so good before!"

"Yeah, that's what I mean."

Nick expertly pushed the buttons on his Nintendo 64 controller.

"Watch out, Bri, I got a few tricks you don't know. My guy's gonna kick the crap outta yours."

"Not this time!" Brian's face tightened with concentration as he frantically jabbed at the controller with his fingers. "Die, you little not-real fighting guy!"

Nick laughed as the tide began to turn in his favor again. "'Little not-real fighting guy'? Cute. Bri, why this sudden need to beat me? Just tired of losing, or is this some left-over animosity 'bout the Civil War?"

"Animosity? I think that's the biggest word I've ever heard you use, Nicky. And in answer to your question..."

Brian exaggerated his faint southern accent. "Y'all ain't gonna beat me this time, Yankee! I'll get y'all, and your little not-real fighting guy too!"

Nick started cracking up at this, and Brian managed to fiendishly sneak in a few punches on Nick's player.

"Oh no ya don't!" Nick, still chuckling a little, used his controller, his eyes glued to the TV screen. Almsot effortlessly, it seemed, he defeated Brian's fighter.

"YEAH! Game over! I win...again!"

"Oh, I was so close!" Brian moaned, then added, in his best Scarlett O'Hara, "Oh well, tomorrow is another day!"

Nick giggled maniacally. "You're nuts."

"Yep! And it's the only way to be!"

The phone rang, and Nick jumped up to get it as Brian went to wash his hands.

"Hello?"

"Hey Nicky, it's Lou. How ya doing?"

Nick froze where he stood, his blood turned to ice water.

"I'm-I'm okay."

"Good. Kevin told me you were sick. I'm glad you're feeling better. How's Brian?"

Brian came out of the bathroom as Nick answered. "He's okay."

Brian took one look at Nick's colorless face and haunted eyes, and put his hand out for the phone. Nick, trying to push away the horrible memories the voice brought, didn't notice.

"Is Brian there? Or is my little baby alone?"

Nick dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom, one hand pressed to his mouth. Brian picked the phone up and, with great force, kept his voice steady.

"Hi, Lou. It's Brian."

"Hello. Is Nick okay, Brian?"

//No, he isn't, you sick bastard, you damn well made sure of that...//

"Yeah. Just getting up the last of whatever was bothering him yesterday."

"All right then. I hope he'll be okay for the upcoming shows. If he isn't, though, I'm always glad to stay and keep an eye on him."

//Don't you mean your hands, you goddam...//

"He'll be fine, Lou. We all will. Look, I gotta go check on Nick."

"Of course. Tell Kevin, when he gets back, that I'll see him at the meeting tonight. See you boys soon."

"Okay. Bye." Brian slammed the phone down and ran to the bathroom. He reached his friend just as Nick wiped his mouth and flushed the toilet. Brian sat down on the tiled floor and pulled the boy into a hug.

"You all right, Frack?"

Nick smiled weakly. "Yeah. Sorry."

The smile faded, and he began to cry. "God, I'm so screwed up!"

Brian held his friend tightly. "Ssh...Nicky, you are not screwed up.

You've been through something screwed up, something no one should have to go through. I'm actually amazed at how well you're dealing with this."

That intrigued Nick enough to stop crying, pull away, and look at Brian curiously. "You are?"

"Yeah! I mean, if I had to go through what you did I'd probably crawl under a rock. You are so strong, Nick; that's amazed and impressed ever since we first met."

Nick's face glowed with wonder. "Really?"

"Of course! You've been doing this since you were, like, twelve, singing with us and having to frow up in the spotlight...man, I could just barely deal with it, and I'm almost five years older than you. I still dunno how you handled it."

Nick put his arm around Brian's shoulder. "Well, having the coolest, most caring and all-around best best friend anyone ever had certainly helped."

Brian felt his eyes filling. "Aw, Nicky..."

He put his arms around Nick and embraced him tightly.

"Frick, is it just me, or do we seem to be doin' this an awful lot lately?"

Brian laughed as he released him. "Sorry, can't help it."

"Don't apologize! It's nice to feel so loved."

Nick helped his best friend up, and the two moved back into the bedroom.

"So, Frick, what do ya wanna do now?"

"Nicky..." Brian sat on his bed, motioning for the younger boy to sit beside him.

"Yeah?"

"What did Lou say to you on the phone?"

Nick shifted uncomfortably.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I really should know."

Nick sighed. "Not very much. He asked if you and I were feeling better."

"And?"

"He asked if I was alone. That's when I freaked. I'm glad you were here."

Brian slipped an arm around his friend. "Me too."

"So, what'd he say to you?"

Brian didn't answer.

"C'mon, if I had to spill, so do you."

//Just tell him; he'll know if you're lying.//

"I told him you'd be okay for the shows we have to do soon, and he said if you weren't he'd stay with you like he always did when you were sick," Brian blurted out.

He felt Nick tense up, and held on to him tightly. "I'm sorry Nicky, I shouldn't've..."

"It's okay. I asked."

"He's not ever gonna be near you again, not if I - if we - have anything to do with it."

Nick looked down. "That's gonna be kinda hard, Frick. He's our manager."

"Not for long."

Nick's eyes widened at this. Getting away from Lou would be a dream come true - maybe even an end to the nightmares. But it was a big step, and big steps always scared him. //Least I've got the guys,// he thought. //No one could ask for better big brothers.//

"Could we not talk about Lou right now, Bri? I know you guys all wanna talk to me about it when they get back, but for now..." His voice trailed off.

Brian smiled reassuringly. "Of course. We can talk about anything you want."

"Okay. Are you planning on telling the guys that you're gay?"

//Me and my big mouth.//

"I guess I should, huh?"

Nick nodded. "They'll be okay with it. I was, wasn't I?"

Brian squeezed his friend's hand. "I am so happy you're alright with it. But I shouldn't have sprung it on you the way I did."

The blond smiled. "I'm glad you told me. That took a lotta guts, man.

And you say I'm strong? Sheesh."

Brian laughed.

"So, can I see that?"

"What?"

Nick pointed to Brian's photo album, which still lay half-under the bed where Nick had dropped it. "That."

"Um...er...I guess so."

Nick grabbed the book and started flipping through it. "Hey, this is, like, all me!"

"Well, yeah. That was kinda the point."

"Wow." Nick stopped abruptly. "Baby pictures? You have baby pictures of me in here?!"

Brian took one look at the half-amused, half-indignant expression on Nick's face and started cracking up.

"Where did you get these?"

"Your mom."

"Oh, I'm gonna kill her!"

Brian started laughing again, and Nick joined in. The clear, happy sound made the room somehow seem brighter.

"Bri?"

"What?"

"You have a really doofy look on your face right now."

Brian smiled; he did. "I just can't get over how well you're taking this. I'm so sorry I expected you to hate me. I shoulda known better."

"No, I'm sorry."

Brian was startled. "You? For what?"

"'Cause..." Nick swallowed and shifted a little. "'Cause I can't feel the same way about you."

"Oh, Nicky, don't apologize for that. You can't help being straight any more than I can help being gay. It doesn't have to change anything, and it won't. Frick and Frack, best buddies, forever."

"And longer!" Nick agreed. "Um, Bri, how'd you know you were gay?"

"Flipped a coin."

Nick shoved him playfully. "No, really!"

"I don't wanna make you uncomfortable..."

"You won't."

Brian sighed. "Well, about the time all my friends were starting to notice girls, I...wasn't. They just didn't interest me."

"But you've dated; I've seen you."

"Yeah, as a cover. Gotta keep in mind the dempgraphic, you know? All those girls. Guys too, but mostly girls."

Nick nodded.

"It really freaked me out, you know? I thought something was wrong with me. With the Bible saying homosexuality is wrong-"

Nick interrupted. "That is such crap. That thing's full of mistranslations anyway. And why would God create something just to condemn it?"

Brian simply stared at him.

"What?"

"Nicky, sometimes you really surprise me."

"Hey, I'm blond, not stupid."

"I never thought you were."

"What, blond or stupid?"

"Blond. I'm colorblind." Brian began to laugh so hard he nearly fell off the bed.

Nick frowned. "I don't get it."

This just made Brian laugh harder. "Okay, you're definitely blond!"

Nick stuck his tongue out. "Okay, Frick, very funny. So did you ever, like, date a guy?"

"Just once. Actually, it ended a few months before we met."

"Ouch. Was it a bad break-up?"

"Not really. We liked eachother, but it wasn't love. It was mostly just experimenting."

"Oh. Um..."

Brian smiled; Nick was so cute when he was nervous. "you can ask me whatever ya want, Blondie."

"Did you guys...you know...do it?"

"Yeah, just twice."

Nick giggled. "Ha ha, Bri can't wear white at his wedding!"

Brian raised his hands menacingly. "You wanna be tickled?"

"No! No!" Nick stopped laughing. "So, did this guy have a name?"

"Kevin."

"Ew! You sick freak!"

Brian thwacked Nick with a pillow. "Not our Kevin! What do ya think I am?!"

"Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just make obscene gestures?"

"That's it..."

Brian grabbed Nick around his waist and started to tickle him, and shrieks of laughter filled the air. Sunlight poured in through the half-open windows, extinguishing the remaining shadow from the walls. ------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't believe you did that, A.J."

"C'mon, Kev, I was just playin' around."

"A.J., I cannot believe you did that."

"Howie, I think Kevin's finally cracked. He's startin' to sound like a broken record."

The three Backstreet Boys made their way down the hotel hallway toward Brian and Nick's room, still talking of the MTV interview they'd just done.

"Kevin's cracked, A.J.? You're the one who-"

"What's the big deal? They'll edit it out!"

Kevin was about to knock when he heard laughter coming from inside. He smiled with relief, pushed open the door and entered, followed by A.J. and Howie.

Brian was sitting on top of Nick, tickling him, while Nick, whenever he managed to speak, was begging for mercy. Brian looked up and grinned at his friends.

"Hi guys. Kev, you really need to work on that knocking thing."

Howie had to speak loudly to be heard over Nick's laughter. "Are we interrupting something, Rok?"

"Nah. Just some well-deserved torture."

"Bri, please! I'm gonna wet myself!" Nick pleaded.

"Okay, okay." Brian let his friend up, and Nick ran to the bathroom.

"Wow," remarked Kevin. "He seems to be in better shape. So, what'd you guys do?"

"Played some video games, talked, had lunch. And I didn't have to threaten him with violence to make him eat!"

"Alright!" yelled A.J. "So he's gettin' better?"

"That's gonna take time," reminded Brian. "But I think he's on his way. And I found out he's still ticklish!"

Kevin grinned. "sorry 'bout not knocking."

Brian shrugged. "It's okay. We were both fully clothed."

Nick came out of the bathroom and shot Brian an amused look for his last comment. Nick stood next to Kevin, who put his arm around him.

"Good," said Kevin. "One exhibitionist in the group is enough."

"What did A.J. do this time?" asked Nick.

"Me! You always assume it's me!"

"'Cause it always is you!"

"Well, yeah, but..."

Howie answered Nick's question. "At the end of the interview, Bone mooned the camera. Not to mention everyone around, including the camera woman."

"A.J.!" Brian and Nick yelled in unison.

A.J. just smiled. "I gave her the best ten seconds of her life!"

Kevin clapped his hands over Nick's ears. "A.J., not in front of the kid!"

"Hey!" Nick managed to free his head after a few moments.

"Well," sighed Brian, "there go our Boy Scout images."

"It's okay," A.J. reasoned. "It wasn't live. They'll just edit it out."

Kevin changed the subject. "Okay, guys. I've got the meeting with management in" - he checked his watch - "a little over an hour. And we have to talk."

The playful atmosphere of the room became grim as the five silently nodded to eachother and took seats. Nick and Brian sat down on Nick's bed, and Kevin took a seat across from the on Brian's bed. Howie dragged a chair over, and A.J. plopped down on the floor and pulled his shades off.

"Okay..." Kevin began. "I've been thinking, trying to figure out our options. Nick..."

Nick looked up at him.

"...do you want to press charges?"

Nick looked away.

"Whatever you choose, Nicky, we're all behind you."

Nick met Kevin's eyes again. "thank you Kev, guys, but no, I don't wanna press charges."

After a moment of silence, Brian spoke up. "Nicky, are you sure?"

"Yes. I've been thinking about it and...and I'm already gonna have to deal with what Lou did to me for the rest of my life."

Howie's fists clenched, and his alert face darkened. A.J. looked down, perhaps still feeling guilty. Kevin frowned, but held Nick's gaze. Brian slid closer to Nick and offered his hand. Nick squeezed it and continued.

"If I press charges, the media and everybody will find out. Then I'll have to talk about it for the rest of my life. I can't erase what happened and I can't forget, but I want to deal with this and put it behind me. I know I can do that, 'cause I've got you guys, but I don't want this to get out. I couldn't handle that."

Kevin nodded slowly. "Okay, Nick, if you're sure, we'll respect your decision."

Nick smiled with relief. "Thanks."

Kevin looked at the rest of the group; each nodded.

Kevin continued. "All right. And no one will be told about this without your permission. Right, guys?"

"Right." Brian.

"'Course not." A.J.

"Absolutely." Howie.

"Good. Now, I have an idea I need to put to you guys. If we're all okay with it, I'll bring it to the meeting."

"We're listening," said Howie.

"Okay. If Lou's there-"

"He will be," Brian interrupted. "He called while you were gone."

Kevin's eyes moved from Brian to Nick, who smiled reassuringly. ""Im okay, Kev."

"Okay. I'm gonna get Lou alone and tell him we know what he did."

Nick's face grew pale, and his voice was small and timid. "Do you have to?"

Kevin spoke softly to his youngest brother. "If I threaten him with that information, I can get him to let us out of our contract. Then we can just be managed by Jive, and we - most importantly Nick - won't ever have to deal with him again."

Four pairs of eyes stared in shock at Kevin, who waited patiently for their reactions.

A.J. spoke. "What if he doesn't let us go?"

"He will, if he has to choose between that and being charged with statutory rape, child molestation and anything else we could throw at him."

Nick, sickened by the idea of going to court, leaned against Brian, who held him.

Howie noticed Nick's reaction. "We're not making Nicky press charges, Kev."

"Of course not," Kevin explained. "It's just a threat."

Brian spoke softly. "It doesn't seem like a lot of incentive for him to take our offer. He loses either way."

"Tough," said Kevin shortly. "He deserves far worse, I'm sure we all agree. But I know what you mean. So I'm also gonna offer...well, not good, but less-bad publicity."

"I don't get it," said A.J. blankly.

"It's simple. If he agrees to let us go, we'll say that we split because irreconcilable differences and financial disagreements. And we'll throw in, I don't know, that we wanted more creative control. That's what the press, the fans and everybody will be told. He stays outta jail, we get away from him."

Everyone looked at Nick, his approval being most important. He looked at his friends' loving faces and smiled bravely. "Okay."

"Great idea, Kev," said A.J. Brian and Howie nodded and agreed.

Kevin smiled, justly proud of his idea.

"Um, guys?"

They all looked at Nick, who had spoken.

"The families won't be told the truth, will they?"

A.J. answered. "No, Nicky, not if you don't want them to know. Are you going to tell your parents?"

"No. Not yet, at least."

All eyes fell on Kevin. They were remembering a day years earlier, when Nick's mother had made them promise to take care of Nick while he was away from home, and to tell her immediately if anything was ever wrong. Brian, Howie and A.J. had all taken this oath, but it fell mainly on Kevin. As the group dad, he was obligated to tell Jane about something this serious. As Nick well knew.

"Kev, I will tell Mom. Just not yet, okay? When things settle down a little."

Kevin thought for a minute, and sighed resignedly. "Okay, on one condition."

Nick smiled with relief. "What?"

"You're going into therapy. And any of us who need it will too."

Nick nodded reluctantly. "Okay."

Howie spoke up. "Um, I agree, the record company, the management, the familes, the public - they don't need to know about this. But I can think of a few people who do."

A.J. nodded in agreement. "'Nsync, you mean?"

"Yeah. Lou's around them now as much as he is us. And they're about our ages. There's a possibility that...that this has touched them too."

"God, you're right." Kevin closed his eyes.

Nick disengaged himself from Brian's well-meaning death-grip. "If they promise not to tell anyone, I'm okay with you guys telling them."

Kevin mussed the blond's hair affectionately. "Thank you, Nicky. Okay, we see them next week - we'll talk to them then." Kevin checked his watch. "Hmm...meeting's in about forty minutes."

"Kev, is there any way we could talk to 'Nsync sooner? Like, as soon as possible?" Nick's voice and face were filled with remembrance, and sudden panic.

"Um, I can try to get a hold of them tomorrow and find out. Why?"

Nick said something, but his voice was too low to be heard.

"What, Nicky?" asked A.J., leaning forward.

"He threatened Justin."

"What?!" exclaimed Howie.

"At first, Lou said that if I told anyone about...about what he was doing, he would split up the group and take away our contract, and said it would be my fault, ruining it for everyone..."

"Oh, Nicky..." Kevin's voice shook under the weight of emotion.

"But after we got big and 'Nsync was signed, he-he said that if he couldn't get what he wanted from me, he'd get it from Justin."

"That goddam, fucking pig." A.J.'s voice was thick with disgust.

Nick was on the verge of breaking down all over again. "That's why I never told you guys. I'm sorry..."

The four Backstreet Boys enveloped their little brother in a group hug.

"Nicky, we understand...it's okay..." said Howie, fighting to hold back his tears.

Nick paused to smile weakly before he started crying again. The group hug became tighter as the five, all crying, remained to support eachother. United in fame, bound by friendship, they would not allow tragedy to destroy them. As their tears, the rains of the storm hanging above them, fell, they held on to one another, to the family Fate had, in her wisdom, given them. For the moment, there was no need for words.

~To be continued...~