Hey all, me again! I know you wanna read the chapter, so I won't talk too long. Just wanna say thanks to everyone for the sweet comments since chapter 6 - Sue, Cody, Rick, Ath, Colleen, Casey, Neena, Aimee, Danni, Gabrielle, Jrok, Jordan, Will, Vocal - thanks, guys. Also, my dear friend Casey lets me play in his wacky world, so if you wanna check out our adventures, read "Angel" here at Nifty. Casey cracks me up, so read this if you feel like wetting your pants. :)
AUTHOR'S NOTE - CORRECTION : From "No Painless Way"...in chapter 8 it was said that Jared Hawke's employment as an 'Nsync bodyguard was terminated in June 1997. I meant to say April, the dude was canned in April. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but Chris shortly after stated that Lance was under eighteen at the time, so it couldn't have been in June 1997. Um...okay.
DISCLAIMER: Didn't I just do this? Oh, no...that was the Author's Note. Okay, um...I hereby disclaim all this stuff. I know nothing, I own nothing.
Well, I know how this all ends and you don't! Neener neener! Um...sorry.
I do own the plot, and the dialogue, and the badly-written smut in this part...hey, no scrolling down! I saw that, Ath. :) Er...okay, you can read the chapter now. But I'm watching you! :)
~CHOSEN ROAD~ Chapter Seven
"I was blind but now I see Salvation has discovered me..."
- "Precious Declaration", Collective Soul
Chris downed his coffee in one large gulp. With trembling hands he held his mug, clutching it and glancing at his friends eratically. A stranger would've thought he was upset or about to have an emotional breakdown, but 'Nsync knew him better. Chris didn't have a problem with Lance and Joey's announcement - he just couldn't miss an opportunity to be dramatic.
The room at the moment was silent. Lance and Joey had sat down together, still holding hands. They were somehow managing to look overjoyed and nervous at the same time. Lynn was beaming at them from where she was reclining in her favorite chair. J.C. was still holding his own boyfriend on his lap, absent-mindedly playing with Justin's hair as both of them looked curiously at the new couple.
Chris finally set his cup down and cleared his throat. "Um...okay. So you two are...together?"
Joey grinned. "Yep!"
"For how long?"
Lance spoke up, his deep voice softer than usual. "It just happened during our trip." The spikey-haired blond explained the circumstances of how he and Joey got together.
"So this isn't a sudden thing?" J.C. asked. "You guys have liked eachother for a while now?"
"Since I met him," the two responded in unison, then looked at eachother with astonishment.
"You too, Joe?"
"Yeah, why do you think I never let Will be around you alone?" Joey replied, referring to a gay friend of his who had been vocal about his interest in Lance.
"So Lance," Chris said, "are you gay or bi?"
"Gay. And believe me, I kept meaning to tell you guys...it wasn't that I thought you'd be disgusted or anything, I just wasn't ready for you to know. And whenever I'd worked up the courage to just blurt it out, I'd find some excuse not to. I'm sorry I didn't let you know sooner."
J.C. caught Lance's eye, and the two friends exchanged triumphant smiles. This didn't go unnoticed.
"J.C. knew!" Chris exclaimed, in more of a statement than a question.
"Yes, he did. It slipped out a few weeks ago while we were talking." Lance paused. "And no, Chris, it wasn't because I trust J.C. more. Given the situation and timing I would've revealed it to any one of you."
Chris sighed. "Quit reading my mind, Poo-Fu. You wouldn't like it in there anyway - it's full of naked women."
"I didn't read your mind - your mind pretty much screamed it at me. I wouldn't invade your thoughts without permission unless I had to."
Chris nodded. "Okay, what shape am I thinking of?" The man's forehead creased with thought. "Well?"
"Green circle."
"Whose face am I imagining?"
Lance frowned. "Sorry, can't see it. I've told you, this doesn't always work."
"It was my mom's. How old will I be when I die?"
"I'm not an oracle, Chris."
"Is it raining right now in San Diego?"
"I'm also not the weather channel. But it's gonna start raining here in a few minutes or so."
"Okay, what -"
Justin interrupted. "Um, can we get back to the issue at hand?"
"Honey, don't interrupt."
"Sorry Mom, but we need to talk about the new couple here. I myself would like to say - Lance, Joey, I'm really happy for you. Congratulations!"
"Yeah," agreed J.C. "If you two are as happy as I am, if that's possible, then I'm very very cool with this."
"Thank you, guys," Joey said before turning to their oldest member. "Chris? Are you okay with this?"
"Whew! Um, this is very weird, but I'm not creeped out or anything. It was just a surprise." Chris smiled warmly at Lance and Joey, who breathed a collective sigh of relief.
Tension gone, Chris returned to his nutty self, standing and shaking Joey's hand. "Well, Joe, if someone has to eventually corrupt Poo-Fu, I'm glad it's you."
He then grabbed Lance's hand. "Scoop, if you can handle this freak, you're an even better man than I thought."
"Um...thanks."
Joey smiled brightly. "Did we interrupt anything with our announcement?"
Justin rolled his eyes. "Josh and I were trying to keep Chris from planning our wedding."
Lance turned to the oldest 'Nsyncer. "Sheesh, Chris. They've only just started dating." He paused. "I call Best Man!"
"No way!" Joey shrieked. "Me!"
"I'm the Maid of Honor, I'm the Maid of Honor!" Chris chanted gleefully. "Told ya they'd fight for Best Man!"
Joey stopped arguing and looked lovingly into Lance's glowing eyes. "You can be the Best Man, baby."
"Oh, that's okay. You can."
"Justin!" Chris whined. "They're getting all mushy. Please do something!"
"Guys, it's okay. You can all be our Best Men." Justin suddenly frowned. "Wait a second! We told you, it's too soon to be planning that stuff!"
J.C. hid his face against Justin's shoulder and giggled helplessly. The curly-haired blond looked down at him and smiled.
Lynn stood up. "I've got to go get Jonathan, boys. Behave yourselves till I get back?"
Five mischievous smiles flashed at her. She groaned and headed out the door, shaking her head.
"Guys," Justin said, speaking to Lance and Joey, "you don't have to, ya know, be all careful in front of Mom. Seeing you kiss or whatever won't faze her."
Lance shrugged. "Yeah, we know. But we're still getting used to doing that sort of stuff in private. So I think it might take some time bef-"
The blond was cut off by a pair of lips pressed against his own. He jumped with surprise, but closed his eyes and lost himself in the kiss as Joey's arms slid around his waist. Tentatively Lance lifted his hands and placed them on Joey's shoulders as the brunet's tongue clashed with his own.
When they finally separated, both a little out of breath, they were met with a round of applause.
Chris let out an enthusiastic "Woo hoo!" Justin mouthed "Very impressive" to the couple, and J.C. put his fingers in his mouth and whistled. Lance looked at the floor and blushed, while Joey playfully bowed from his seat on the couch.
"Thank you, thank you."
Chris sighed dramatically. "Guess Scoop's not gonna be entering the convent, then. Oh well."
"Oh, I almost forgot..." Joey reached into a duffel bag he had with him and yanked out a small white box. He handed it to Justin. "This is from my friend Rhiannon."
"What is it?" the teenager asked, eyeing the box curiously.
"Open it and I'll tell you."
Justin lifted the box's lid and a shimmering chunk of clear pink stone was revealed. Even in the soft lights of the living room, the gem's flash seemed almost blinding.
"It's rose quartz," Joey explained, glad that he'd written down Rhiannon's information. "Also called the 'Love Stone'. It strengthens and heals the heart, improves the ability to give and receive love, and promotes happiness within relationships. Plus it's charged with healing magick. Of course I didn't tell Rhi anything about you, Just, Josh...just that Justin could use something like this. I hope you don't mind..I thought maybe it would bring you guys luck."
Joey smiled as he was hugged simultaneously by both Justin and J.C. He nodded at J.C.'s whispered "Thank you, man," and blushed at the touched look on Justin's face.
"Joe...you went all the way to New York for this?"
"Yup."
The curly-haired blond looked fondly at the glistening stone nestled in his open hand...it seemed strangely warm. "I don't know what to say, Joe. Thank you! And ya gotta give me your friend's address so I can write and thank her too."
"Sure. Believe me, she's glad she could help. You're supposed to keep it in your room. Which is a great idea, if you ask me, better than having to wear it. The thing's a little gaudy, even for you, Curly." Joey laughed. "Plus gems like that are so cold."
J.C. gently fingered the smooth edges of the quartz in his boyfriend's hand. "That's weird. It feels warm to me."
Justin looked at him, a content smile spreading across the beautiful face. Closing his fingers around the stone, the boy slipped his arms around J.C.'s neck and kissed him. J.C. let his fingers entwine with his angel's smooth curls and the other arm curled around his waist. After a moment the hand slid downward and tentatively brushed over Justin's butt.
Rather than jump and pull away at this gesture, the boy moaned softly and accepted the tongue seeking entrance to his mouth. For a few minutes the two loves melted into eachother, clinging to eachother so tightly that it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. When they pulled apart, a yawn escaped through Justin's smile, and J.C. immediately slipped into group-dad mode.
"I think you need a nap, baby."
Chris nodded. "Go on, you two. Us three can keep ourselves occupied for awhile without ya. If I can keep these two a reasonable distance apart, that is."
Lance tried to look indignant, but Joey simply grinned and hugged his boyfriend tighter.
J.C. smiled as he followed Justin to the stairs. "Oh, and Joey," he called, "welcome to the D.A.H.H.B.C."
"The what?"
"The Dating A Hella-Hot Blond Club."
Lance blushed and buried his face in Joey's jacket, which the older man didn't seem to mind at all. J.C. and Justin went to their room, and Justin excused himself to take a quick shower.
J.C. frowned a little as he sat waiting on one of the beds. Justin had always been neurotic about cleanliness, but his usual two or three showers per day had escalated to four or five. Dr. Gorman said such behavior was to be expected from rape victims, but it still disturbed J.C. He hated the idea that his angel, to him the most pure thing in existence, could possibly feel so dirty.
The frown melted to a smile as he thought of how strong Justin was, how well he was recovering from what had been done to him. Sure, he had nightmares and fears and occasional nausea, but he could also still laugh and smile. He was still as much as a joy as ever to everyone around him - even more, because now his loved ones had had to experience time without him, and fully realized how lucky they were.
J.C.'s eyes flickered over the dresser. Justin's pictures had all been put into new frames and arranged as they had been before the boy's outburst.
This prompted a memory to rise out of J.C.'s mind, something his mother had once said - that it was good that things could be broken, because after being fixed they were stronger, more sure. She had shown him a recently-mended chain and mused that the necklace was better now than it had ever been, because true strength doesn't show itself until weakness calls for it. J.C. hadn't at the time understood her meaning, until he realized that she hadn't been talking about jewellery, but people.
The young man thought of his and Justin's bond, which had never been severed, but harshly tested when the boy was kidnapped, and smiled.
//The source of our strength has always been eachother. I wouldn't have it any other way.//
The bathroom door opened and Justin entered the room, clad only in his white bathrobe. He caught his reflection in the mirror hanging on his bedroom door, and noticeably frowned. Upon seeing this J.C. sighed sadly. Justin had never been able to recognize his own beauty, but now he looked at a mirror and saw something tainted.
While J.C. watched, though, Justin continued to stare at his reflection, and the scowl shaping his mouth disappeared as his expression became neutral. No pride, but not the disgust Justin seemed to feel for himself since being raped. Progress. J.C. closed his eyes and softly muttered a quick prayer of thanks.
Justin turned to his boyfriend and smiled. Instead of getting dressed, he climbed on top of J.C., who was reclining against the headboard. They assumed a position very familiar to them - Justin leaning back against J.C.'s chest, his butt on the older man's crotch and his legs stretched out between J.C.'s.
The brown-haired singer rested his cheek on the damp curls, his arms wrapped securely around the teenager. Justin tilted his head back to kiss J.C.
"Hi, Josh," he said, a little shyly.
"Hi, baby."
Justin giggled. "I'm not a baby."
"Yes you are. You're my baby," J.C. insisted playfully.
"Yeah, like this relationship isn't incestuous enough already," Justin joked. "Should this feel weird, us being together after years of being best friends?"
"Why, does it?" J.C. asked.
"A little maybe. But mostly it feels right."
"Perfect," J.C. agreed. "Like the pieces of a puzzle have finally fallen into place. Like the world around us has at last come into focus."
"Yeah, exactly," Justin sighed. "I love the way you say things."
J.C. slipped one hand under Justin's robe and began to rub the teenager's stomach. It was a soothing, comforting action that J.C. had often used to relax Justin, though before they were dating he'd done it outside the boy's clothes. As his hand caressed the baby-soft skin, J.C. lowered his face and brushed his lips on the blond's neck.
Justin smiled trustingly up at J.C., who looked at the expression questioningly. In answer, Justin slowly opened the lower part of his robe. As he pushed the white terrycloth aside, his slightly-hard penis was revealed.
J.C. stared dazedly at the organ. He had seen it before, many times, but never had it been so obviously offered to him. He was shocked and speechless as Justin took his boyfriend's hand and wrapped it around the awakening length.
"Baby..."
"You don't want to?"
"God...yes, of course I do, but not if you're not ready."
"I am, Josh. Please..." Justin whispered. "Touch me."
"Just, if you get uncomfortable at all, I need you to promise you'll stop me. Please." J.C.'s voice nearly broke with emotion at what he was about to do.
"I promise." Justin rested his hand on J.C.'s. For a moment J.C. thought the boy was trying to keep him from letting go of the gorgeous cock, but then realized the truth - Justin was making sure J.C. knew he wanted this. And perhaps reassuring himself as well.
J.C. couldn't protest any more. "Okay, angel...I love you...so much..."
"I love you too, Josh."
J.C.'s hand began to stroke the thickening shaft, moving up and down on it in a slow rhythm. The other hand gently fingered the heavy balls for a few moments, until J.C. felt Justin tense up just slightly. Instinctively the one hand returned to the teenager's stomach, rubbing it as though to say 'It's okay, it's me.' The gesture worked, and Justin relaxed, moaning with pleasure as he began to unconsciously thrust upward into J.C.'s hand.
As this was the first sexual thing they'd ever done together, J.C. didn't want it to end too quickly. He slowed his hand's motions down as he sensually ran his tongue over Justin's ear. Shivering, the boy whimpered pleadingly and started to thrust harder.
With his unoccupied arm, J.C. squeezed Justin lovingly. "Relax, angel, be patient. Don't you want this to last?"
Justin groaned, and tilted his head back to look at J.C. As the older man feared, Justin gave him what the rest of 'Nsync called 'the look' - the sweet, pouting expression that J.C. had never been able to say no to. Whenever someone wanted something from J.C. they'd send Justin to him and 'the look' would take all the argument out of him. This time was no different.
J.C. sighed, unable to hide his smile. "Okay, baby."
J.C. encased the engorged shaft in the warmth of his hand, working it with increasingly-rapid strokes. His head swam with dizziness and the excitement that he was actually doing this, but J.C. was also somehow wonderfully calm, as though this were a perfectly natural thing for him to do. Heat burst over J.C.'s skin, seeming to set it on fire as Justin writhed and moaned on top of him. He began to finger the organ more delicately, rubbing a thumb over the head.
"Josh...please..." the teenager groaned. "OH MY GOD!"
J.C. had suddenly began to pump Justin's cock, and continued until it drenched his hand in hot milky fluid. Justin relaxed back against his boyfriend, panting, as J.C. reached down and grabbed the towel discarded after the boy's shower. Using the damp cloth he cleaned himself and Justin off before tossing the towel back to the floor and wrapping his arms around the blond, who was still quivering from the experience.
"Angel? Are you okay?"
Justin tilted his head back and smiled. "I am better now than I have ever been. That was...wow."
J.C. laughed. "Wasn't too bad for me either."
"Josh? Can I, um, see yours?" the boy asked shyly.
J.C.lowered his face until his cheek rested against Justin's. "Baby, what I just did was not some sort of favor. It's nothing you have to return. I touched you because I wanted to, and you wanted me to."
Justin turned around and sat on his knees facing the older man. "And I wanna touch you. What, you don't want me to?"
"Honestly...yeah. But not if you're not ready."
"I am! Please."
J.C. smiled. "Okay, sweetie. But stop if you need to."
"Sure."
J.C. moved to a kneeling position like Justin's. Encouraged by the boy's confident smile he pushed his jeans and boxers down.
Justin stared, fascinated, at what was revealed. J.C.'s penis was a little bigger than his own, but that didn't bother him. He cupped it gently in his hand, running his fingers over it in exploration. J.C. had to smile at the wonder on Justin's beautiful face - like that of a child examining something new. The brown-haired singer moaned as the fingers shyly stimulated him.
Justin met J.C.'s eyes. "Josh?"
"What's wrong, baby?"
"Nothing. But...um...I wanna try something."
J.C.lovingly stroked the slightly-flushed face with his fingertips, gazing intently as though trying to memorize the boy's features in every detail. "What, angel?"
Justin grinned suggestively and began to lean down, his face approaching J.C.'s cock. With sudden alarm, J.C. carefully but firmly pulled him back up.
"Baby, I don't think you're ready for that."
Justin frowned. "I have to be the judge of what I'm ready for, Josh.
I have to because no one else can."
J.C. kissed him before continuing, licking the pink satin of Justin's lips. "Justin, what we have is not just about getting off."
"Josh, I know that! It's about love, and trust. You've always loved me, and trusted me as much as you could. I need you to trust me now. Josh, I need..."
The blond's wet eyes locked with J.C.'s, communicating what the boy couldn't say. //I need to know that I have control here too. I've been through the sexual equivalent of Hell where nothing was up to me. Now that I'm strong enough to make a choice, I need you to trust me, and yourself, enough to let me.//
J.C. understood. He leaned back enough to grasp the headboard with both hands, and smiled at Justin. "If you want to, go ahead."
Justin crouched down and slowly took J.C.'s penis into his mouth. To avoid being gagged he stopped once he had taken in about half of it, and began experimentally swirling his tongue around the wet head, surprised to find that it didn't taste or feel gross to him.
J.C., meanwhile, was distracted by the lightning bolt of pleasure that had apparently struck him. With great force he kept himself from thrusting and possibly hurting Justin, instead clutching the headboard tightly as the room spun around him.
Justin was working purely on instinct as he gave his first blowjob, gently massaging the throbbing organ with lips and teeth and tongue as one hand rubbed the uncovered half of the shaft. From J.C.'s moans he figured he must be doing something right.
"Baby," the older man whispered. "I'm gonna...oh God Justin!"
Suddenly Justin's mouth was filled with sticky, warm wetness. Before J.C. could tell him to spit it out he swallowed it all, surprised at how it tasted sugary and salty at the same time. He smiled.
//So that's what Josh tastes like.//
J.C. was flushed and panting, but lifted Justin up and tried to look stern. "Angel, you didn't have to swallow it."
"I know." Justin pouted worriedly. "Did I...do okay?"
J.C. sighed with amazement, pulling the boy into his arms. "Just, that was incredible. But are you sure you're all right?"
Justin rested his head on J.C.'s shoulder, allowing his boyfriend to gently rock him. "Of course. He...um...he didn't make me do anything to him. He only wanted to do stuff to me."
"Oh, baby..." J.C. had shucked his pants off, but now he pulled his boxers back up and lay against the headboard, bringing Justin down with him.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
The boy snuggled into him, breathing in and out deeply. "Okay. Just...hold on to me, okay?"
"Baby, I'll never let you go."
Justin smiled. "All right...wait, I should probably put some clothes on first."
He giggled at J.C.'s playful protest, and returned to the bed with blue boxers and a loose white T-shirt.
J.C. snatched them from his hands. "Can I dress you?"
Justin suddenly grinned. "Yeah. You know, I can remember you doing that while I was in the hospital."
"Yep." J.C. maneuvered the boy's arms into the T-shirt and slipped it down over him. "I thought maybe you didn't want strangers touching you like that, that you'd prefer me."
Justin suddenly stopped him, and gently caressed J.C.'s cheek. "You were right."
A knowing smile answered him, and familiar hands sat him down on the bed. Trying not to drool at the sight of Justin's exposed penis, J.C. put the boy's feet into the boxers and stood him to pull them up. The two loves resumed their previous position on the bed, and J.C. wrapped his arms tightly around the seventeen-year-old.
"I'm holding on, angel," he whispered.
Justin snuggled against J.C.'s chest, as though trying to burrow deeper. Breathing evenly, he kept his voice calm. "What do you wanna know?"
There was a silence before the older man answered. "You may not remember, but while you were in the hospital, Joey decided that reading to you might do some good. So he went into your room and started reading aloud from this book he borrowed from Chris - 'King Arthur and His Knights'. Almost right away you started shaking, so Joe called me in. I didn't know what to think...it was the first time I'd seen you cry since you were returned to us. I was rocking you for almost an hour before you stopped trembling. Can you tell me what was wrong?"
Justin remembered. "Joe mentioned the Holy Grail. From where I was I thought nothing could hurt me, or make me think of things I'd tried to forget. But that did, and I panicked. That's what he called me, that's what he said I was. His Holy Grail."
The boy sobbed a little, but managed to recall to J.C. Elwood's delusions about the Grail and the Fisher King, as well as his view of J.C. as a rival.
"So he knew about us even then?"
"No, but I think he suspected there was more between you and me than between me and the other guys. Maybe he was just bluffing so I would -"
Justin froze, mentally cursing at his slip. J.C. didn't know that his safety had been threatened to make Justin cooperate. The older man lifted the younger's chin, suspicion ready to deepen into horror on his face.
When he spoke his voice was stern, not J.C. the boyfriend or J.C. the best friend, but J.C. the self-appointed guardian of Justin Timberlake. "So you would what, Just?"
Justin closed his eyes, unable to turn away from J.C.'s gaze, unable to lie. "Josh, he threatened to kill you if I didn't let him touch me."
Suddenly Justin was pulled up to a sitting position, facing the enraged J.C. His boyfriend's anger frightened Justin, though he knew it wasn't directed at him.
"WHAT?!" Justin flinched, and J.C. immediately lowered his voice. "That fucking...God, I hate him! Oh God...Justin, I'm sorry..."
"Josh, please don't apologize. He said if he had to kill you that wouldn't stop him from doing what he wanted anyway. You couldn't save me...but for once I could save you," the boy explained.
His eyes red, J.C. gently but firmly held Justin by his shoulders. "Angel, listen to me. I understand that situation was no-win. But you have to promise me that you will never let yourself be hurt for my sake."
"Josh, how can you ask that of me?! You think I value my life as much as I do yours?!"
J.C. cupped the teenager's face with his hands, staring intently into the blue eyes as wet and confused as his own. "Baby, your life is worth more. Do you have any idea what the world would be like without you?"
Justin pulled away, his azure orbs flashing with indignation. "And do you know what my life would be like without you?! If he had killed you I would've pushed him to kill me or done it myself! I wanted to die but I couldn't, I couldn't leave you! Josh, I'm not an angel! Whatever good there is in me, I've only found it through you! How can you ask me to be anything without you?!"
J.C. pulled the hysterical boy to him and began to rock him. "Ssh, ssh, sweetie, you have to calm down or you'll make yourself sick."
"I don't care," Justin sobbed.
"Well, I do." J.C. continued to rock in a soothing rhythm, gently rubbing the blond's back. "Hon, I'm sorry I upset you, I'm sorry about everything. Please calm down."
Gradually the boy's choked sobs quieted to muffled whimpers. After a few minutes Justin lifted his head, and the hurt evident on the face, flawless save for its tears, hit J.C. like a punch in the stomach.
"Josh...how can you ask me to not love you as much as you love me?" the musical voice asked.
J.C. let his hands brush over the barely-damp curls. "I guess I can't. I'm sorry, Just...I guess I just didn't think you could, that anyone could feel so much."
"Well, I do. Josh, please don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you, Just. I just feel guilty...I suppose I shouldn't, right?"
"Right." Justin held tight to his boyfriend, curling his arms around J.C.'s waist as his head rested on J.C.'s chest. The brown-haired singer smiled with wonder, having never guessed that with all he got out of loving Justin there was still more. Justin loved him back just as much. Why else had he allowed himself to be his best friend's whole life, why else had he clung to J.C. for years in spite of the guilt the situation caused him?
//Why didn't I see it sooner?//
J.C. slipped his arm under Justin's relaxing body, letting his fingers play over the smooth skin. He let his hand stop over the boy's heart, feeling the softness of it beating. Recalling a conversation they'd had weeks before, J.C. spoke clearly.
"So is it an incredible feeling, my angel? Being in love?"
Justin remembered too, and smiled against the warm security of J.C. as the rain outside lulled him to sleep.
"Oh, it's beautiful, Josh. Just like you."
~to be continued~ Questions and comments to me, DaraLynn, at DaraLynn_writings@hotmail.com