And so it finally has come - the last chapter of the last story of this trilogy. I didn't intend for this part to take so long to come out, so I hope you'll all forgive me that. And I hope you all enjoyed this story, those of you who discovered it yesterday and those who have been with me since "Any Path". In addition to being the longest thing I have ever written in my life, I think it's got to be the best thing as well. If that sounds conceited, blame yourselves - I never had much self-esteem till I started writing this stuff and getting shocked at how many people like my work. :) Oh, this is sorta important - I have other stories in progress, but I'm not sure how many of them will end up at Nifty. Just in case, if for some reason you don't want to miss anything, a good idea is to join the Yahoo! Group NSAngst, where I'm a co-ListMom. Yahoo decided to delete the old list, so be sure you join the new one. Woo hoo! And Red and Dennis can still archive my stuff too if they want to, but that's up to them. The "Interludes" will continue as long as I have ideas for them - just because the trilogy is over doesn't mean I'm ready to let go of this universe. :) Nifty will still get them. I know those of you who have made it this far probably want to read the chapter, but I want to thank all of you who have read this story for taking the time to do so. So...thank you. There's no way I could thank everyone who deserves it, so forgive me if I single a few people out. Sue - my sounding board, the other half of my brain, my 'Nsync guru...I think I've run out of ways to tell you how much you rock. Kevin - the author of "Nsync: Lance n JC", who wrote the scene that touched off this entire trilogy. Red, Dennis and David - my archiving geniuses, keep on rockin'. Jim - who suggested that Chris shouldn't have to be alone...you'll see. Danni...again, thank you so much. All my favorite writers - you know who you are, so keep doing what you do. Casey - my angel, who keeps me laughing, and crying when I need it. :) Sylv - my hubby who keeps me on my toes, and Rick - who reminded me about this, and does so much more. My sis Heather - who has never read this and maybe never will, but always cheers me up. And my muses - 'Nsync and the Backstreet Boys, thanks for the inspiration. I hope you never read this. :)
BTW, there are a few running jokes mentioned in here that you probably won't get unless you've read "Any Path" and "No Painless Way".
DISCLAIMER: I've decided to use this space to apologize to the environment for all the tissues Wen has used up while reading my stuff. Er...I hope you need 'em for this chapter too, it's supposed to be emotional. I'd also like to apologize to the BSB fans I've warped into liking 'Nsync (say sock, say sock) and the 'Nsync fan readers who found themselves concerned about the BSB (don't worry, Aph, I won't tell anyone you felt bad for Nick. Oopsie.) :) However, I will not apologize to the people, who shall remain nameless, who suggested that Nick get the crap beat out of him. Aimee. :) I don't own them, I don't know them, Justin is not chained to my bed. Yet. Heh heh heh. :)
~CHOSEN ROAD~ Chapter Twelve - Epilogue
"'Well, here we are...that started out together...We have left all the rest behind, one after another. It seems almost like a dream that has slowly faded.' 'Not to me...To me it feels more like falling asleep again.'"
- 'The Return Of The King', J.R.R. Tolkien
~Backstreet Boys Group Journal Entry, Thursday, April 8, 1999~
Dear Journal,
It never fails to amaze me how things manage to work themselves out. Before this group I could've taken any path that offered itself to me, but only the road I chose could've brought me this. Fame, fortune, happiness...and love. I have my happy ending now, my Nick, and every day I find new things about him to love.
Frack's doing good, by the way. Every night he sleeps wrapped in my arms, and though we're taking things slowly, he never freaks when I touch or kiss him. Now that he feels safe, I'm even more content than I was when I came out to my family and the sky didn't fall on me. Somehow through joining Nick and I have helped to heal eachother, and our friendship hasn't suffered from our relationship.
Yesterday I kicked his butt on the basketball court, and he kicked mine at some video games - just like it's always been. Afterwards when we were watching TV I held him close to me and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" He looked up at me, smiled and said, "Yeah. We haven't lost anything."
I'm at home in the living room right now, sitting in the same spot I was months ago when I first kissed my Nicky, and Tyke is curled up at my feet. Frack and I were just playing with him, and I think we exhausted him.
The guys are all in the kitchen. I can hear A.J....by the noise level I'm guessing he's trying to bake again. Lord save us all. :) Kevin is on the phone, telling Kristin how he finally got the sound right for "Back to Your Heart", and of course how much he loves her. Howie and Nick are talking - they've gotten closer lately, which I'm thrilled about.
A few hours ago Nick dragged me into the music room, where he sat down at the piano and played and sang "I Need You Tonight", his solo on the next album. God, he sounded so beautiful. A.J. will tease me forever about how hard I was crying, but I will never forget that. God has blessed me with so much, even one of his own angels that I will love and cherish till the day my heart stops beating...and long after.
Ah, my Backstreet brothers. Look where we are, and what we've been through. You all mean so much to me.
- Brian ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~Letter, from Rhiannon O'Daly to Joey Fatone; Sunday, March 28, 1999~
Dear Joey,
I must say, I was surprised to receive a letter from you and Lance, though not all that surprised by the news that you're together. I spoke truth, Lance, when I said I don't have your gift, but it doesn't take a psychic to see love trying to wriggle its way out into the open. I'm so happy it managed to break the surface of your doubt - I know you'll be happy together.
And thank you for trusting me with the news about Justin and J.C. You know, fans constantly talk about how cute they are together, and so few of them suspect how deep their love is. But I think we're all glad those two have eachother. We're glad you all have eachother. Your love for one another and the music you make has bound your fates together, and people really are stronger together. That's magick too, the most powerful kind - the kind we create without realizing it.
In answer to your question, Lance - no, Cuchulain and Fand were never reunited after the sea god Manann separated them, at least not in any tale I know. This was, after all, long before faery tales demanded happy endings. Since you liked my painting so much I'm sending it to you, but I wouldn't worry. You and Joey may be very different, but unlike Fand and Cuchulain your differences hold you together all the more tightly. Just in case, though, I'm also sending you some more rose quartz - it seems to have worked for J.C. and Justin. :)
As you two lovebirds requested, I did a little divination for Chris, focusing on his love life. According to the tarot cards, all is not as it appears to be in that aspect of his life. He should be revealing some surprising but good news soon...that is, if I did it right. Tarot is a tricky thing, especially if you have to do it while using the cauldron. :)
And finally...Joey, hon, Will called me out of the blue yesterday asking if I could convince you to send him a topless photo of Lance? Whatever he's talking about, please do it. Otherwise he'll never leave me alone and I'd hate to waste precious time on a binding spell. :)
Bright Blessings,
Rhiannon
P.S. I answered Justin's thank-you note...he's such a sweetie! I think I'll take him up on his offer of backstage passes during the next tour, just so I can keep an eye on all you guys. I mean, how many people get to play faery-godmother to 'Nsync? :) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~Personal Journal of Christopher A. Kirkpatrick entry; Saturday, April 10, 1999~
Dear Journal,
Well, it's almost show time! I really should go pry Lance and Joey apart, which after a few months has become one of my favorite hobbies, but I wanted to talk to you first. Well, write to you. You know what I mean! At least, I do...never mind. Anyway...
After the show I'm finally gonna introduce the guys to Chelsea. I know it'll take them a while to realize that she's not just a fling for me, but I think they'll like her, she's a lot like me! :) I know it's too early to say I'm in love with her, but I've never felt like this before. Not even at that party where Gwen Stefani got drunk and flashed me.
On a deeper note, the other guys are doing great. Joe and Poo-Fu are so sweet together that they make everyone around them nauseous, and though you'd think it isn't possible, Justin and J.C. fall deeper in love every day. They're gonna have to keep their engagement a secret, of course, but seriously, I think Justin is happier than he's ever been. J.C. too.
Looks like the storm is finally over, and it's left a beautiful rainbow behind. 'Rainbow' in the sense that they're all gay. Heh heh. I always did think Justin liked shopping too much. And Lance...let's not even go there. :) Damn, I love those guys.
- Chris -------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Brian? BRIAN?! I cannot talk to Nick while you've got your tongue down his throat!" Kevin said sternly.
Reluctantly the couple separated, and Nick smiled shyly at the oldest Backstreet Boy. "Yes, Boo?"
"Oh, nothing. I just thought you could use some air."
"Thanks a lot, cuz." Brian playfully smacked Kevin's head.
"Hey, watch the hair! We're on in less than thirty minutes. Anyway, I did need to interrupt you two. C'mon."
"Where're we going?" Nick asked, placing his hand in Brian's as they followed Kevin out into the hallway.
"To another dressing room. 'Nsync's gonna meet us there. Chris and I have a little something planned."
Chris met them in the hallway. "Hey guys! Wait with me while I get Lance and Joey." He gestured to 'Nsync's dressing room door, and knocked on it. "Come on, lovebirds!"
"Um...just a minute!" Joey called.
Chris cackled wickedly. "You sound kinda antsy, Joe. What's the matter, you got Lance in your pants?"
"Actually, I was in his pants."
"JOEY!" Lance shrieked.
The 'Nsyncer and the three Backstreet Boys laughed as the door opened to reveal a grinning Joey and a blushing Lance.
"Hmph. Well," Chris said, "if you're done de-flowering Poo-Fu..."
"Actually," Joey interrupted, "my baby has a thing about not doing that till he's married. So we decided that sometime in the next year..." He held up Lance's hand, and a flash of diamonds momentarily blinded them. "...we're gonna remedy that."
After the hugs and shouts of "Congratulations!" that followed, Lance smiled, his strange green eyes glowing.
"We think we might try to talk J.C. and Justin into a double wedding," he joked. "If so, Chris, I'm afraid you'll have to be the Best Man."
"NOOOOO!" Chris howled, sinking to his knees dramatically.
A.J. suddenly appeared out of nowhere, greeting each singer enthusiastically. Upon seeing Lance, he grinned happily.
"Well, if it isn't the French toast freak, the boyband answer to Sylvia Browne! Hey, did you know she's from Missouri too?"
Lance groaned and buried his head in his fiance's shoulder. Joey patted the blond spikes symathetically. -------------------------------------------------------------------------
Behind the stage's main curtain, a pair of soul-mates stood hand in hand, listening to the excited crowd waiting for them.
"Just? You okay?"
The teenager nodded. "Uh-huh. I was just thinking about him...Elwood, I mean."
J.C. felt his insides shift. "That's amazing, that you can say his name. God, I hardly can."
"Not saying his name is like denying what happened to me, and I can't do that again if I'm gonna keep healing. Besides, the pain is in what he did. Your life isn't in your name."
J.C. squeezed his angel's hand. As microphones were being tested and instruments checked, the pair stood silently to listen to the anxious audience scream. Justin's name was heard several times, and he smiled with amusement.
"Hmm, maybe it is."
"What, baby?"
"I said your life isn't in your name. Maybe, for some people, it is."
J.C. wrapped his arms around the curly-haired blond. "Angel, you were Justin Timberlake before 'Nsync. Believe me 'cause I know - you were just as special then. Your value is in who you are, not how people see you. Your life -" He tapped the boy's chest. " - is in here."
Justin smiled, and placed his hand over J.C.'s heart. "And in here."
"Hey! There you guys are! Everyone's in dressing room three waiting for us," Chris scolded as he approached the couple.
J.C. kissed his fiance. "You go ahead, angel. I wanna talk to Chris for a minute."
"'Kay!" Radiating youthful energy, 'Nsync's group-baby half-bounced, half-skipped away.
"Chris," J.C. began, "I just wanted to say thanks."
"For what?"
"For everything. For the group, for being there for me, for being cool with being the odd-one-out with us four all dating..."
Chris shrugged, smiling secretively. "Hey, I'm just praying that whoever Mrs. Kirkpatrick turns out to be, she won't pull a Yoko Ono. I love all my little brothers too much to give ya up for anything, even if I don't love you in the physical sense. So, leave me out of your orgies."
J.C. laughed. "Seriously, though - thank you." He stepped forward and embraced his wise-cracking friend.
"You're such a girl, Chasez." But Chris hugged J.C. back tightly, and even the playful insult made him sound choked up. After a minute he withdrew, and began to pull J.C. toward their destination, babbling in his usual style.
"I don't see the logic in doing a concert with Backstreet. I mean, I love 'em, but you know how our fans are." Chris pointed to the curtain. "That's a riot waiting to happen!"
"Maybe. But Lonnie's out there, he'll keep the peace."
Chris looked at J.C. with mock horror. "You sent Lonnie out there? Oh, well. He was a good man, a damn good man, even though he constantly threatens to sit on me. Anyways, wait'll we all get out there! I owe A.J. a public pantsing, if I remember correctly, so I hope the freak's wearing undies."
The eldest 'Nsyncer grinned evilly. "And by the way, I decided I'm gonna plant that Chia Pet after all. It's gonna be my wedding present to you and Curly. Odd, yes, but less confusing than a crock-pot." -------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chris nodded to Kevin, who stepped up onto a chair and gestured for quiet.
"You guys are probably all wondering what this is about. Well, as the oldest members of our respective groups, we each wanted to address you as a whole. So, here goes...
"I can't stop thinking about how my little brothes have grown. Shortly after I came into this group I brought Brian in, but even before that I looked at you guys - Bone, Nicky, D - and saw my family. And so, seeing you all grow up has been both hard and wonderful for me.
"D - In a lot of ways you understood me the most, I think. With you and I being the oldests we sometimes both had to be the parents, and that wasn't always easy. I'm so grateful that you managed to be rational and mature whenever I couldn't. I know why you're our 'Quiet One' even if no one else does - because you don't need to say much if you can be so strong and influential, just by being yourself.
"A.J. - You've been quite a trial to me over the years, I must admit that. Try as I might, I could never quite get inside your head, on the few occasions I was brave enough to want to. But I think I've come to know you well enough to know what a wonderful heart you have. Your love and faith in all of us has been the glue that holds the Backstreet Boys together.
"Brian - Wow. When I called you that day six years ago, asking to to come to Orlando, I had a feeling I was bringing you into something special. But I never dreamed that the little group you completed would come this far.
I gotta say, before you stepped off that plane I remembered you as my pesty little cousin who just happened to be a magnificient singer. When I realized that you turned out to be a magnificent person too, since then I've grown more and more proud to call you my family.
"Nick - God, you've grown so much. I can remember when we all had to look down to talk to you. But mostly you've grown inside, and though I'd give anything to erase what you went through, you've developed this incredible inner strength. That strength, and the beautiful person you are, has amazed and inspired me every day, even when you were that shy thirteen-year-old who I comforted after nightmares and helped with his homework. I know we've butted heads a lot over the years, but I want you to know how proud I am of you. If I ever have a son and he's half the person you are, I'll never doubt that in addition to having a lot of fun as a singer, I was a successful dad."
Kevin stepped off the chair, his eyes tearing, and was enclosed in a Backstreet Boys group hug. "I love you guys."
Each member echoed this back to him before letting go, until just he and Nick were left. The blond hugged him again before withdrawing, whispering, "I love you too, Boo."
Chris stpped up onto the chair Kevin had vacated, clearing his throat.
"Wow. I dunno if I can beat that, Kev. You've got an advantage, being a naturally-serious guy, and having been the group-dad of your family.
"I myself have been more of an observer, but I too have seen a lot of changes in my kid brothers. I formed this group more than three years ago."
He paused, looking at the two 'Nsync couples holding eachother. "Sometimes I wonder whether I started a singing group or a dating service. But seriously, even though this has all been very weird for me, I don't think I can even tell you how happy I am that I had a hand in bringing these two couples together. But even though I support ya and planned to get loaded as hell at your weddings, I'm gonna address you individually.
"Joey - Ah, Superman. I'm not myself a fan of Clark Kent's alter ego, but I understand what you see in him. He's invincible, and that's how you've always seemed to me, Joe. You can handle anything without losing your smile. You have this gift of always being able to see the bright side of things, and I don't know where we'd be without you helping us to do that. I think in a way it's good we never clued the fans in to how smart you really are, Joe, 'cause they wouldn't believe it.
"Lance - I always thought you were a little too perceptive, and honestly, you were a strange dude even before you started predicting the weather for us. But I mean that in the sense that I have never in my life known someone who has the wisdom and compassion 'Nsync found in that innocent little sixteen-year-old from Mississippi. I know I can say anything to you, and you'll understand, at least on some level. I'm so grateful for that, and for your quick thinking and calmness that has saved our sanity so many times. It's not just 'cause you sing bass that we call you the foundation of this group.
"J.C. - Our Big Daddy. I don't think anyone else on Earth could've put up with all of us as patiently as you always have. But on a more personal note, in addition to learning, in theory, from your good examples, I gained a lot, I think, from watching you with Justin over the years. Despite how hard it was for you then, your love for him grew stronger and stronger, never once faltering. You have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known, C, and seeing you and Justin get together, finally, has convinced me that there is such a thing as a perfect match. Whenever I take the step that you guys are about to, I pray that she can love me with a fraction of what you have for Curly there.
"Justin - My baby brother. You more than any of us have learned the prices of fame. You know, I was terrified at first of bringing you into all this. I saw this light in your eyes, a light so bright and full of love that I felt like I'd die if I ever saw it dimmed. And though I have a few times, never once has it gone out. That's given me so much hope - for you, for us, for everything. I know that you look into the mirror and see nothing special, but after a few years of trying to figure it out I know now why J.C. calls you an angel. Maybe you don't realize you're doing it, but you radiate love and innocence to everyone around you. God, I look at you, and I see all the good things I believe in staring back at me. Not to mention one of the most perfect human beings I've ever know."
Chris went to his group-mates for hugs and a few words before returning to the chair and raising his glass.
"I propose a toast to us, all of us - how far we've come down this crazy road called life, and how much fun the miles ahead will be. And don't worry about our underaged blonds - it's just water." Chris wiped his wet cheeks. "As though we're not generating enough ourselves."
One of the stage crew poked his head in the door. "Almost time, gentlemen. Get out there and wow 'em."
Chris grinned, that familiar crazy glint in his eyes. "All right! And before we do that, we can go out there and show these Backstreet buttheads some hackey-kicking. Just don't let Poo-Fu get the thing more than once, guys, or we'll never get to perform."
Playful protests and insults were exchanged as the ten young men walked out to the stage, as they had done countless times before, as they would do countless times again. Their tale would take many more years, and many more stories, to tell.
As this particular story, just a chapter in the grand scheme, comes to a close, the youngest of the first-formed group lags behind. His thoughts are a memory of words that are strangely meaningful to him at this time, as though he senses something is ending.
//It's not what we lose that we love the most. It's what we learn to love over time, the things that have been part of our existence for so long...That love is a journey...That's the bond that keeps people together, through all life's joy and madness. The love of what's right beside you, that travels with you on your chosen road.//
~ENFIN, LE FIN~
If you want to tell me what you thought, if you have questions, if you want to pelt me with virtual cheese, you can write to me, DaraLynn, at DaraLynn_writings@hotmail.com