You guys know the drill, don't get caught reading if your not old enough or its illegal. If u like it tell me. NEL114@aol.com. The fire cannot burn me so if you absolutely feel the need to flame me, do it all you want I'm immune.ENJOY!!
the reason i accidentally updated he was my best friend instead of anybody just not him was....i dunno. so if you went to he was my best friend and got this chapter MY BAD, just laugh and know that authors arent perfect, i'm just a kid.
Anybody just not him chapter 8: choices we make
Would I be willing to loose Eric, over Tony. He was my best friend and would have my back through anything. He was the only guy that I would talk too. Then Tony showed up, he replaced both Derrick and Eric in less than a day. He made me smile and didn't make me frown, he makes me feel protected and I know he' ll keep my secrets.
So what do I tell Eric. I love derrick but now I've found some one that might... .maybe can replace him. In time. Do I tell him I'm gay or do I say don't worry about it. I cant lie to him...to them, anymore. So today is truth, I'm just glad they don't know about the cutting, or the other bad stuff. Today was just about me being gay, Danita knew so she should be some help. I just hope that he doesn't hate me, I couldn't handle that.
" what about 6th ?" I wasn't ready, maybe if I thought it out in 6th I could figure something out.
"NO! now! Ya'll been hiding shit from me for way too long." this is the first time I've seen him sad. He's always happy, when were sad he always makes us feel better. He's like our rock. But the look on his face, and then the look in his eyes. It hurt, it hurt to know that I'm the reason one of my BEST friends is hurting. I'm the reason why he's in pain.
" Eric...I didn't mean to-I wanted to tell you but..." I couldn't speak, every time I tried I would choke up. Every lie would catch in my throat. I couldn't speak, I couldn't lie. I was use to lying about how I feel, I mean who wants to hear somebody talk about how sad and lonely they are. Even if they're your friends, they wouldn't want to hear that shit. NOBODY wants to hear some one bitch all day. that's why I don't tell them, its why I don't want them to know. Better them thinking I'm fine than worrying all day about how I am. Plus, I would be sad knowing that they're worrying about me and treating me like some fragile piece of glass.
"Eric, we didn't hide it...we were just waiting for the right time" Danita grabbed Eric's face to make him look at her. He would listen to her if not anybody. " we couldn't just drop it on you-"
" YOU FUCKIN KNEW TOO!!!?" he pushed her hands from his face. " I thought ya' ll were my fuckin friends." his voice grew light to almost a whisper as He looked back from me to D. I felt like shit. I held Tony a little tighter and he did the same. I wasn't crying, I don't cry. But if I could I would be balling, crying my fuckin eyes out like a child. I hurt Eric.
" Eric It's not like that. I didn't want to worry you. You got enough shit goin on in your life already." I let go of Tony. But he wouldn't let go. I had to softly tug at his hands before he reluctantly let go.
" but still..." I looked at D and we both went over to comfort him. The piece of shit known as Chris was forgotten.
" Get off me!" he hit me, ERIC hit me. Although it didn't hurt and I know he can hit a lot harder than that. It was Eric. And as soon as I hit the ground Tony rushed over. " Tony don't!" I didn't want him and Eric fighting.
" Eric!!! Yo what the fuck." D pushed him. " and yo ass wonder why we didn't tell you shit!" even though they were all mad at him, I wasn't. I felt like I deserved it and a lot more. I hurt him and this is what I deserve. Tony was beside me, ready to jump Eric if he had to.
" ya'll its cool. I'm ok." and what do I do when I feel my absolute shittiest? I smiled " its ok, ive been hit harder." I smiled and stood to my feet. D and Eric looked at me with sadness. But when I looked at Tony he looked confused, like he was trying to understand something.
" ok...we really need to talk..." D spoke, I could see the concern in her eyes.
" its ok, really. I'm coo-"
" don't you fuckin say it! I'm cool right. Its what you ALWAYS fucking say!" Eric...
" every fucking day man! Every mutha fuckin day...you come here looking all sad. But as soon as somebody ask you, you just smile and say, `its cool'. " ITS NOT FUCKING COOL! We already worry about ya ass. And you bein' gay aint no surprise to me, I already knew."
"...." just like before I couldn't find the words, Its like my entire knowledge of the English language drew a blank...they knew...they always knew. I got all misty eyed, they couldn't see me like this. I wont let them, just another thing for them to worry about. Tony grabbed my hand, and that was it. His touch made the first one fall, I held back as much as I could. I couldn't last long, not like this. I needed to get away.
"Eric's right...tell us." Danita said in a soft comforting voice. Almost motherly, but I wouldn't know about that. Having a mother that cared. My mom could care less about me, she doesn't give a fuck. I wouldn't know what its like to come home feeling shit and then have your mom bake you cookies just because she knows they'll make you feel better. She doesn't give a fuck! About me or anybody else that would damage her image. That fake image that she worked so hard to build.
I couldn't take any more, I was about to break. They cant see me like this. I tried to calm my self down, thinking of song that I know that usually work. Well until I got home...
Don't hold yourself like that You'll hurt your knees I kissed your mouth, your back And that's all I need don't build your world around Volcanoes melt you down
What I am to you is not real What I am to you, you do not need What I am to you is not what you mean to me You give me miles and miles of mountains And I'll ask for the sea
don't throw yourself like that In front of me I kissed your mouth, your back Is that all you need? don't drag my love around Volcanoes melt me down
What I am to you is not real What I am to you, you do not need What I am to you is not what you mean to me You give me miles and miles of mountains And I'll ask for the sea
What I give to you is not real
What I give to you is just what I'm going through This is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding What I really need is what makes me bleed And like a new disease, she's still to young to treat Volcanoes melt me down She's still to young I kissed your mouth You do not need me....
~Volcanoes Damien rice
"Hey!! Helloooooooo?"
" is he ok"
" I don't know.."
I was on the ground, with Eric and Danita bending over me. And Tony was behind me while l lay on his knees.
" I'm ok..." what the fuck happened.
" you kinda fell..." Eric said while offering a hand to help me.
This was to much, if I didn't do it now...I might just go crazy. Its overwhelming, I need release. And I need it now. We'd already skipped most of sixth so there was no point goin there.
" I feel kind like shit, think you could give me a ride?" I asked Eric. Although I wasn't quite ready to be alone with him, he was the only person that I trusted who had had a car.
But before Eric could respond Tony did. " I'll take you." it wasn't like an offer but more like a command.
Eric nodded his ok. I didn't want him to feel like we weren't friends.
" Wait, promise me something..." he looked at me seriously.
"ok..."
" you're coming over my house tonight, and so are you." he turned to D. even though I was tired as hell, I couldn't say no.
" ill try but-"
" No buts, your coming. Just ask your boyfriend to take you." the words seemed to come out of his mouth really slow. And as soon as he said it, we all went like dead silent.
" ok ERIC your walking me to the...locker. Come on" one final look and they were gone.
" ok that was weird." first thing that comes to mind. As soon as Eric said the B word, I didn't know what to say. We locked eyes, it was intense. We didn' t have to talk, not a word. I already knew. His eyes told secrets...they said he loves me.
We headed to the exit that would lead us to the student parking lot. Once we got to the parking lot exit I said.
" I'm goin to the pop machine." I was mega drained and caffeine in the form of Faygo would make me feel better.
" I'll be right here." I could tell by the look in his eyes what he wanted. But not here, not in school
I looked at him a bit longer before turning and heading for the nearest Pop machine. I was reaching for the door when it flew open. I jumped back and clumsy ole me fell and hit my head HARD I might add. I closed my eyes and rubbed my head, same thing I did when he grabbed my wrist. Tony...
" oh shit, yo my bad." I know that voice.
" its cool..." what do I say? it's easier pretending to be mad at him I know what to say then. But when he's nice...I cant. Tony...
"you ok." Tony reached down and pulled me up.
" yea I'm cool." I heard Tony sigh. I guess I should stop saying that.
I couldn't help it. We were so close. I looked to his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes.
"you and me, just wait. You'll see, it'll be worth it. Your mine..."
Tony stepped between Derrick and I. I was glad, my distraction from his eyes.
his eye told me everything his mouth would not his eyes told me his love and his apologies
No more, I have Tony now. I'm not waiting for him anymore. Anybody just not him...
" get the fuck outta my face!" Derrick yelled. I pulled Tony's arm, He looked at me then back at derrick.
We left him there, me holding on to Tony's arm while derrick was there alone... I shouldn't feel bad right? In just a day Tony has been more then Derrick ever has, he protects me. I shouldn't feel bad...but that look in his eyes. His mouth was moving, but I couldn't understand what he was saying.
" he' s mine..."
A/N Feedback is what keeps a writer going so if you like it PLEASE aim or e-mail me Nel114@aol.com . If you like this one checkout my other story called he was my best friend, its in the high school section as well. Check out my other story he was my best friend, in the high school section. SARAH RULES!!