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Anybody just not him: Chapter 2 love hate
" While I would love to talk to you, I'm kinda late to see D, took a bit longer in the locker room than I intended too "
" A'ight then be that way , you always choosing her over me" he said wiping away invisible tears. " tell her I said `sup.
"Whatever, see you when I see you" I turned around and started for our spot, me and D's.
I ran from the locker rooms to the library which was pretty far our school is pretty big. I got to or usual spot but she wasn't there weird, she's always here before I am. I looked to the left and to the right then slid to the ground with my back up against the cold brick wall I closed my eyes. And I saw him Derrick I love his eyes what they say to me, how can I get to him make him open up.
"Vincent wake up" I wake up and see a light skinned girl same height as me with long dark brown hair and...those brown eyes.
"What I wasn't sleep" I got up and stretched. God she looks so much like him. I cant think about him anymore he's never going to stop fighting me. So what' s the point, I should just forget about him, he probably has like a thousand girlfriends anyway.
" oh you wasn't, and all this time I thought you only snore in your sleep". she said laughing.
" Whatever I don't snore, and I guess you were, wrong that is. I said yawning."
" ok sleepy head are you ready to go or do we want to stay and nap, what time did you go to bed anyways." we started walking towards her locker
I shrugged my shoulders. "like 4 or something, I couldn't sleep last night" I said yawning again.
"awwl are you still thinking about the `mystery guy', I thought I told you to get over him"
" I know and could you stop calling him that..... And its not that easy its "
"I would if you would just fuckin' tell me his name" .she said interrupting me. Then. She looked at me. " is it Eric"
"NOOOOOOO!, he's like my brother. Oh yea he said hi." I said. I feel bad lying to her, even though it's not Eric well it kind of is but he's not the reason, Derrick is. How do I tell my best friend that I'm in love with her brother, by the way she thinks we hate each other.
We got to her locker and she put in her combination opened it and looked in the mirror. I looked at her. "well aren't you gonna get your books"
"Nope I don't have no homework" she said looking in the mirror fixing her hair.
" so we came all this way, so you could look at you reflection" I looked at her in disbelief, we could of just went to my locker I actually had things to get.
" WHAT, don't hate me because I'm beautiful." she said grinning, " so are we going to your locker or what."
We walked to my locker and to the vending machines then we were on are way to class. On our way we stopped by the bathrooms cause I had to piss something crucial. I usually don't use school bathrooms but when you gotta go you gotta go. I walked in there and damn was it nasty, it smelt like piss and had paper balls everywhere even on the ceiling
"What the fuck do our janitors do, this shit is nasty?" I said looking at the disgusting scenery before me I had been in there less than three times in my entire three years at this school.
" Whatever, just use it" she yelled in the door she knew I hate public bathrooms, specially dirty ones.
" What if they have like cameras in here and they're perving on us ." I said knowing I was fighting a losing battle.
"hehehe you are such a girl, and not to mention paranoid." she said laughing
"shut up, its jus so nasty, they always make the girls bathrooms so nice and clean and the boys look like THIS."
" cause you don't have to give birth and bleed every fucking month, and if it that nasty don't use it"
"OK MA ill go, this is so triflent" I went over to the smallest stall, and unzipped my pants releasing my member from its confines and let loose. I must've been in there for a while cause I heard D loud ass.
"damn nigga hurry up." She said in a kinda loud whisper. I zipped up my pants washed my hands( no soap of course cheap ass school) and walked out. Then I saw Chris. Damn a scrub if you ever seen one. D gave me a look that said like lets go.
me and her took off at first a walking fast and then a full out sprint after turning the corner. we ran all the way to our 6th. we had to go through the cafeteria again just to get to art. when we got to the door I dropped my backpack my shoulders were hurting from running all the way here with that heavy ass backpack. "Why we runin from him" I asked laughing while rubbing my shoulders.
she looked at me and started laughing too. "dat nigga looked like he was about to rape somebody and shiiiiiiit it wasn't gone be me" at that me and her was laughing or asses off leaning on each other for support.
then at the worst moment possible this really hot guy walked by he was light skin he looked mix I couldn't see much from the distance plus his over sized clothes but he still looked hot
As he got closer I could make more of him out he had this don't fuck with me look. His hair was black and wavy it was cut short, looked like a taper. and his eyes they were heaven they were green sooo cute he looked like a hot little elf. God he was sooooooo fine. He got closer and our eyes locked whoa it was like time slowed down and I felt like I was on the tower of terror or something. It was only me and him I completely forgot about D, I looked in his eyes and his roughness disappeared I wonder is he like me. The Art room door closed and I heard D still laughing I turned back around but he was gone only to be replaced by someone else...Derrick. him all of all people at this moment of all times. he was staring at me hard. i tried to ignore him but its like he wanted me to see him to acknowledge his presence so i did he looked pissed.
"what the fuck You looking" I looked in his eyes and saw why he was pissed. I saw everything what was that all about, who was that.
"what you like him or somethin' " I couldn't say anything. Why and how did he have this much power over me. He could make me smile or he could make me feel like this, but usually its like this. He's not even my boyfriend and never will be , nothing but a crush that is all he is a crush. But it feels like so much more, does he really like me or is it just my imagination I looked away from him and turned to the door I could swear I heard him saying your mine under his breath and I could feel his eyes still looking at me. My imagination again. I'm surprised he didn't try to stop me usually he's the one running away.
I walked into the Art room and I saw D talking to Marie. Let me explain Marie blackest white girl you would ever see. she was blonde and about to inches taller than me and D, and rough but I guess she had too she lived in an predominantly black area and she was the minority, she had to prove herself constantly. She was a sweet girl under her rough exterior just like Derrick.
Her and D was laughing they're butts off so I decided not to bring them down with my bad mood so I put up my mask. I wasn't mad but I would've been if it were anybody else just not him.
"what it is hoes"
"So Vincent how was the new boy.".Then. " she said you were drooling, did he look that good. Marie said.
"what, I have no idea what your talking about." I said putting on my best look of innocence. we all started laughing, but Even though I was laughing and joking around with D and Marie. Inside I felt like shit. I knew that when I went home it was going to happen no matter what. Class was usual Ms. Mattel was being crazy I got an F on my assignment and we snuck out of class 10 minutes early we do this everyday and she never notices, Now she is a true blonde.
We walked around school for a while talked to people when they're classes let out. got on the bus in our usual seats talked some more well she talked some more but I just looked out the window, staring at nothing in particular.
D was about to get off at her stop and asked why I wasn't getting off at her house after school like I usually do. I told her I was tired she said I could sleep at her house. I said no she talked me into staying over for at lease an hour. We walked the short distance to her house and I flopped down as soon as I got to the couch. I was on the middle of a very good dream, with me and the new hot guy. But I was interrupted.
D jumped on the couch causing it to shake and said "nigga wake yo ass up!"
"what but you said I could sleep remember that's why I came over" I said in a sleepy voice.
" yeah but I didn't know it was going to be this boring ." She said smiling
" Ok well I'm going home then I'm sleepy." I said staring at a knife sitting on top of her T.V.
"OK ill call u later" she said with a worried look on her face
"Whatever, see you when I see you" I cut through the grass and was in my house in no time. I was rummaging through my bag for my keys. I found them and opened the door. When I got in the house I knew what was going to happen and I was powerless to stop it. I let Spunky, my dog out he's so cute and so bad I fed him and let him out my mom would get him when she got home.
I went up to my room and closed and locked the door. I stripped down to beater and pull on some black and red pajama pants. I feel tears starting to outline my face pouring out my soul with every tear. I did what I could to make the feelings go away even though I knew they would win in the end. I picked up a pencil and started to write.
His eyes told secrets his eyes told secrets his mouth could not bear his eyes told secrets he thought unfair
his eye told me everything his mouth would not his eyes told me his love and his apologies his mouth gave me pain and regret I love him now as for forever the pain he cause is not as great as losing him forever his eyes told secrets they said he loved me
Then he punched me....
he gives me pain and I would not take it if it were anybody just not him his eyes told secrets I love you they said....your mine
now I'm dead-
I put the pencil down not even to bother looking at what I wrote. I still felt like it was calling me the writing was not enough. My tears stop pouring and dried on my face. I was crying softly to myself laying on my bed my head resting on my soft pillows while clutching teddy who I named Tony close to me. It was still calling me getting louder and louder. I couldn't do it no not this time.....I cant, but I could. I turned on my radio and pushed play turned it was already on my favorite CD Smile Empty Soul I turned to number ten my favorite song it was called....with this knife. My cutting song. I start up again even harder than before.
I let myself fall into a lie I let my walls come down I let myself smile and feel alive I let my walls come down no matter how I try I don't know why you push so far away you wrapped your hands tight around my heart and squeezed it full of pain
I lay on my side crying holding Tony my right arm wrapped around him and my left under him fully extended. I turn the radio up louder.
with this knife ill cut off the part of me the part that cares for you with this knife ill cut out the heart of me the heart that cares for you
I grab the knife under my pillow and bring it to my left forearm. I cry harder. the little voice in my head telling me no dot do it there's a better way dot hurt yourself. then the bigger voice comes he doesn't love you he never will the only love you'll ever get is from cold hard steel. the knife is the only one that loves you. the knife loves you let it have you. what about D. If D really cared about you she would see what as going on. It won the, knife won. I cant believe the way you took me down i never saw the pain coming in a million broken smiles like poison from my veins
I grip my love with my right hand and press it against my forearm....gasp. I slowly slide it up and down I feel the pain of the knife penetrating me invading me giving me pain. I think about this so much I don't even remember him. I dot remember how he treats me I done realize how badly my life is messed up. I don't think just cut.
with this knife ill cut off the part of me the part that cares for you with this knife ill cut out the heart of me the heart that cares for you
I cut deeper and deeper until my body is releasing my life essence...my blood. Crying crimson tears and my eyes pouring out my soul I am released.
The hate and the fear The nightmares that wake me up in tears The nightmares and the
deeper I cut the more I forget the more I cry the more I feel. slowly up and down I feel the blood starting to pour out leaving my new wound
with this knife ill cut of the part of me the part that cares for you with this knife ill cut out the heart of me the heart that cares for you ... all the hate and the fear
the nightmares that wake me up in tears
the nightmares and....
One last stroke up and down. I am released. The song goes off and I lay in my bed sobbing and bleeding. Then it starts again and I do it over two more times I drop the knife to the floor and grab paper towels from under my bed and carefully wrap up my arm and wipe up the knife . I clutch Tony closer to me and I fall asleep. Tony is his middle name.
I feel somebody else crying screaming out in pain, but its not me. I see myself being held with a guy who's face is not shown. I see me being pulled both ends...then I snap