This story is true with some twists of course to make it more interesting. it's about me, so if you dont like it keep it yourself.
You guys know the drill, don't get caught reading if your not old enough or its illegal. If u like it tell me. NEL114@aol.com. The fire cannot burn me so if you absolutely feel the need to flame me, do it all you want I'm immune. ENJOY!!
Last Time: " Hey. You're the new kid right?" she didn't even wait for his response. " hey are you related to Derrick?" WHAT!!!? He looks nothing like derrick. Ok maybe some small similarities, but not the way she made it seem. " who's Derrick?" he rolled his eyes and looked at me. I was still lost in thought. He seems so much like him. But he's not him. He's not derrick. " uh oh. My bad Vince." yea uh oh it is. She just called my new friend, if I can call him that. Well she just said he looked like my supposed enemy. I forced a smile, " its ok." it really wasn't. he had so much in common with him. The name, the resemblance and of course...my heart. But he didn't have that yet. Only derrick has that part of me. But maybe, maybe he could be the like the good part of derrick.
Chapter 5: My distraction
Why me Why me of all people Why must I feel this gut wrenching knot Twisting and burning in my stomach
That knot that brings pain Pain that wont go away Why me
Why doesn't anyone care Why don't they care...about me
Why cant I tell them Tell them what I feel Tell them the truth
Why cant I tell him Stop playing this game Find out once and for all If its just my mind after all
Why cant I smile, without being forced Why cant I be like everybody else Why me
I love him, I hate him Two parts of the same person Love and hate
He is the knife My only relief
I love him He is my comfort My escape
In his eyes I forget I forget why I ask `why me' I forget the addictive up and down motion of a blade I forget...
In his eyes
I see the true meaning of his words I see what he really feels
I see comfort and love I see my emerald paradise I see how its supposed to be
Derrick is my pain Tony is my reliever
In green eyes I find...
Yea maybe he could be the good part of derrick. The derrick that hides behind that tough exterior. The derrick that wants me. I want derrick to be what his eyes aren't afraid to tell. But he cant, or wont .I'm still not sure which one it is. But this guy. He's everything that derrick cant be. I'm starting to feel for him what I have felt for derrick. I love derrick. Do I love him? Can I allow myself to love him?
"who's Derrick, you got beef wit him or somethin' ?" he reminded me of Eric right then. The he was getting protective of me...sigh. This guy seems perfect. Sounds to good to be true. What do I say? Do I tell him derrick is my sworn enemy. Or do I tell him derrick is my-my what. What the hell are we. I know that derricks gets angry when he sees me with Eric. And I know he was completely pissed when he saw me watching Tony. So what do I say? Hes my jealous boyfriend, who is really not my boyfriend at all.
But before I could say anything Sasha beat me to it. And trust me she couldn' t have been any further from the truth. My truth, the truth that only me and Derrick knows.
" Shittt!! you might as well not even asked that question. They hate each other more than I cant stand that Nigga Johnny." well thanks Sasha. Does it really seem like that, that we hate each other. His eyes were looking at nothing. He was just staring out in space. I wonder what was on his mind.
" are ya'll ok." she waved her hands in our faces. I was staring at...Tony and he was stating at god knows what. " damn I'm sorry. I did it again, huh?" now I know why I'm not friends with this girl. but, I don't hate him...
" um yea.." how to change the subject. I don't want to talk about him right now. DAMMIT!! I feel it again. Already, not even the end of the day and I feel it. Thanks Sasha. Thanks a bunch. "lets teach this newbie how to pass Wyllie's class." I was emotionless. Emotionless and apathetic as the smile on my face. Once the urge came its all I can think about. Hopefully it'll go away, but I wont. I know it wont.
" Hey man I ain't a newbie. I know more than you think..." he left it in the air. Did that mean something else. No, no it didn't. just my mind playing tricks on me. Again.
" well you can still hang wit us. We the only cool peoples in this class." she smiled and walked pulling him in the direction of the weight room. I felt jealous when she did it. Not because she was latched to him so freely. But because I couldn't. it could be some other guy who was completely comfortable with it (yea right) and people would still look at me funny. Just because I'm a dude and so is he. It's not fair. Why me...
He looked back over his shoulder. His green eyes to my brown. " What's wrong?" he held me in is eyes. He looked at me then at her hand on his arm. I smiled a little. But I'm sure it didn't show.
" I'm cool, no worries." I forced a smiled back. How did he know. Not even the best of my `friends' know how I feel. But this guy I've know less than an hour can read me. Just like how I read derrick...
Sasha looked at me " Yea, weren't you sick earlier? You didn't look to well when I saw you this morning." they turned and started back towards me.
" No I'm good. I was just tired. " it was becoming harder and harder to lie to them. With my `friends' it was easy. They would believe everything I said. But the girl I rarely talked to and the boy who I just met read me better than D. but derrick, he always knows. Does he care?
" You don't look to good." Sasha spoke as she put the back of her hand to my forehead. I felt like a child and couldn't help laughing.
They both looked at me weird. " Yo I feel like a fucking kid, could yall stop with the `parental' shit ." I chuckled. But I really was happy that somebody cared about me. I tried to walk pass them to the weight room. Bad move.
" Hey-" he grabbed me. He didn't just grab me, he grabbed my wrist. My left of all places. I pulled away with a quickness. Can u say pain. But then again it was welcomed at that moment. I closed my eyes and put my hand to it. Like you do to a finger that just got burned. Its like I absorbed it, I felt a little better after that.
"what happened?" Sasha asked. They both sound concerned. Concerned for me. And confused. As to what happened.
" Nothing, its just a little sore." I slowly opened my eyes to find his greens staring back. Even though it was hard I smiled. I was use to smiling when I felt like this. But I wasn't use to people looking concerned about me.
"Ok..." they didn't seem convinced at all. But they weren't asking questions so I was good.
" Come on dudes lets go workout." I walked in the middle of them with an arm around each shoulder heading back to the direction of the weight room. I was so close to him again. His body against mine. I looked over and smiled, he smiled back.
When we walked we grabbed our sheets that tell how much to lift on each machine. And grabbed a blank one for Tony. His name...god that name.
We talked and laughed almost the whole time. Sasha really was a ok person once you got to know her. And Tony was alright so far, well of the little I know. But every time sasha would start her reps he would just stare at me. Sometimes I would look back and sometimes I would say something or just look away because his gaze was to intense. I thought only derrick could do that to me. Could have this effect, but this new boy. Tony, makes me feel what I feel for derrick minus the feelings of loneliness and despair. I was thinking more and more of Tony and less of derrick. It felt good. Specially when he looks at me the way he is now.
When class was up and it was time to change back to normal clothes I stayed behind like I always do. He didn't even ask questions, like he already knew why. But when we did walk into the locker room. We talked and changed. well after I opened his locker for him again. We were on our way out and in walked... derrick. I didn't know what to expect. He gets mad when he sees me talk with other guys.
He walked in like always. Pushing the door open and pretending he doesn't see me at first. But I don't look at him, I don't admire his body. I barely spare him a side ways glance. But I know he's there. Instead I laugh with Tony. I focus only on Tony, Derrick doesn't exist. At lease when Tony's around.
I start to put on the rest of my clothes a little faster. But left the hoody on. I know he was waiting to see why my wrist hurt so bad when he grabbed it. I grabbed my backpack and headed for the door. I wanted out, I didn't want to be in there with both Derrick and Tony. It would be too much.
I know what I had to do. I would go home and make this all better. I would do what I always did. And it would go away. But nothings different. Well except Tony. He makes me feel safe. I feel like he knows me, like he knows exactly what's going on. All in the way he looks at me.
A.N My bad to the people who read this. I'll try and make the updates a lot faster then they have been. I didn't realize that people actually looked forward to the updates.