You guys know the drill, don't get caught reading if your not old enough or its illegal. If u like it tell me. NEL114@aol.com. The fire cannot burn me so if you absolutely feel the need to flame me, do it all you want I'm immune. ENJOY!!
Chapter 6: I forget
He has my heart He has my smile He holds my pain
To him I love To him I hate
He has stolen my heart He gives me my smile With him I forget pain
I love him Hate doesn't exist...
With this knife With my blood With my tears
I hate him
With his smile With his hug With his body
I love him
Derrick gives me pain Tony makes me forget it...
I knew what I had to do. And no matter how bad I wanted not to, to just forget. I couldn't. I wish I could stop, stop this stupid addiction that I have. I wish I could smile and be happy, Smile and forget, Or just smile at all. Maybe one day I will be able too, but all I have now is the knife. Maybe if I told someone or talked to a counselor, maybe they could help me. Yea maybe...but not here. Not in this school, I cant let anyone find out they would rat me out to my mom and all my friends.
Then they would know, they would start looking at me different. Like they finally see the freak that I really am. I would truly be all alone. I'm alone now, but without the little comfort that they bring me...I wouldn't have a reason to stay alive. I wouldn't have a reason to not cut that much deeper and severe my vein. D, Eric, and Marie are all I have in this world. Our are they? But now there's Tony and maybe Sasha. They way the were concerned for me, they were TRULLY concerned FOR ME...for me.
Then there was derrick. What if he's waiting, waiting til were out of here. He knows me and D are like twins, that we would be stuck at the hip until the end... she will always be the connection between us. Even when high school is done and over our friendship wont.
Me and her were so close. She still thinks we are but I keep parts of myself from here and everybody else. They can never know.
I was absent mindedly doing what I did everyday after gym, walking to meet D, like I always do. I go on auto after gym . Usually after running into derrick in the locker room and having one of those moments, my mind is too busy sulking in my own self pity to do anything else. I do what I always did but now something was added. Tony.
" Hey! " he distracted me from my self pity. Bringing my out of my thoughts. He ran up beside me, putting his hand on my shoulder. His touch could make me forget about everything, including derrick. Including the knife...
" Hey back" I smiled and he smiled back in return. It was weird we just stood there smiling at each other. That was until Eric showed up. He showed up at a very bad time, it looked like we just got done kissing. We were so close his hand on my shoulder and those huge ass smiles on our faces.
" Hey..." he looked confused. He continued his way to us, looking at Tony the entire time.
" He's new." I answered before he asked. I knew what he was thinking, it was written all over his face. I hope he wouldn't ask any questions about what he just walked in on.
" Was sup, I'm Tony." eric gave 'sup nod' to Eric. The one were you lift your head you just a little bit.
" That's my boy Eric."
" Was sup, any friend of Vince is a friend of mine." he smiled at Tony then he turned back to me. " You and D still coming over my house Saturday right?"
" And I aint ya boy, im ya man" he said. I was use to Eric's sense of humor but Tony wasn't.
Tony squeezed my shoulder so I turned to face him. I looked in his eyes and he looked at me confused then looked over at Eric. The more and more I'm around him, the more I think he`s like me. They way he smiles when no one else is looking. Being closer than a straight boy would dare to get to another dude. And the way he looks at me, with those eyes. Me and him are just friends. No matter how I'm starting to feel for him. It seems like we've known each other for more than a class period. Feels like he's my boyfriend or something. The way he acted when Eric said he was my man.
I sensed his discomfort around Eric. I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off.
" Yea I know, your late to meet D." he rolled his eyes jokingly. " you know if you didn't waste all you damn time in the locker room you would have more time, right?" If he only knew.
He turned to Tony. " If you ever want to be early for class, you should talk to this fucker." Tony just smiled. Not the smiles that he gives me though. It was just a smile. I wonder if he's ok.
" Fuck you, I'm not always late." I'm not always late, its always D's fault. Oh hell, who am I kidding I am. Tony moved a little bit closer, think I should leave.
" Whatever later Eric"
" Peace." he nodded to me and then Tony. But Tony just looked at him.
With that me and Tony set out to meet D. I really hoped she liked him, I don' t know why but I wanted him to be accepted by my friends.
As we were walking through the gym he said something that took me completely of guard.
" So is he your boyfriend. You know ya coulda told me that before I started all of this." he sounded upset. But how did he know.
" WHAT!!? " the smart thing would have been to just lie like I always do. Tell him I'm as straight as an arrow. To tell him I just love girls. But who am I kidding, I'm not and apparently he already knows.
" What about the derrick Nigga, he was looking at you and it wasn't just looking. Then the way he looked on me like I pissed on his territory or something."
" How'd you know?" I was curious, was I THAT fucking obvious.
" So I was right... I shoulda known. fine looking boy like you. And I thought you was single what da hell was I thinking'." he walked away cursing himself out for being `so dumb'. he said I was fine...here's my chance.
" Tony wait!" I walked up beside him. No wonder I felt so comfortable around him. He made me feel that way. And he's like me...maybe he's the one.
" He's not my boyfriend, neither of them." I head for the direction to meet D. we walked while we talked.
" Yea which one. Damn I feel so dumb." he was angry at himself, but if he would just let me talk.
" No neither, I don't have one." I finally said it, no to get to my question.
" Are you serious." his voice showed happiness again. We were at the spot to meet D but she wasn't here yet.
" Yea, up until now I thought I was the only-um person like me here." it was honest enough, just hope he doesn't ask about Derrick again. What would I say? What could I say? And he thought Eric was my boyfriend, I don't think so. But that would explain why he doesn't like Derrick and his constant body contact with me. Now that he mentioned it...
" Yea I am. But how did you know." I hope I wasn't to out there. That would be hell for me.
" Well when your looking for the right things, you can just tell."
I leaned back against the wall and did my trademark slide down the wall. " so am I like really obvious then."
" No, well your eyes told secrets." he smiled. He must mean the incident yesterday where I couldn't take my eyes off of him. And every time I get lost in his deep green pools.
" Yea I know that feeling." so derrick really is gay. He is like me. But I have Tony now.
" Yea I bet." he slid down next to me. And looked me in the eye, " I really like you. And when I said you were hot I didn't mean the temperature." he licked his lips seductively and moved closer.
" Yea but I have another question. Why did you think derrick and Eric were my boyfriends?" I was still curious, I mean he's the first person like myself that I've actually met.
" Well the way they look at you, their eyes told secrets too." Then. " So you don't have a boyfriend. Have you ever had one?"
I was smiling, this hot guy was into me. ME of all people.
" Hey, so have you." he was too cute. He had a smile on his face and I can swear his eyes light show going on.
" um...no I haven't ." I couldn't help smiling back, even harder than I already was. I looked away, his gaze was too fucking intense. I am so happy that I don't blush, cause if I did, Damn.
" I guess I'm not pretty enough." I laughed
" Well you are right. You aren't pretty." I think my jaw dropped. Was he serious, he says all this shit and then this. Well I cant be happy something like this was bound to happen. At lease I didn't get too into him.
" You're fuckin gorgeous." he placed his hand under my chin and turned my head so I was facing him.
" your not to bad yourself." I replied. It was true he's the hot one.
" I really want to kiss you right now." he leaned in slowly, tilted his head to one side then...my first kiss.
" VINCE!!! Awwl hell naw " a voice stopped us, but who's voice was it. It was too deep and to be D's.
An Hehe sorry about the cliffy, but hey it makes for a good ending. If you like it tell me. Nel114@aol.com. If you like this story check out my other one " HE was my Best friend"Its in the high school session as well.