Thank you for choosing this story. Sex accentuates particular moments but is far from this story?s basis, if that it what you search for look elsewhere.
This is the work of the author and he alone holds the rights to it.
Disclaimer; if you are unable to grasp the normality of two people of the same sex being in intimate situations it would be in your best interests to stop reading and expand your perspective of this world.
If you wish to pass positive remarks forward then feel free, I love engaging with my readers; writeroftheworldwriterofsoul@gmail.com
Chapter One
The Ute a huge old diesel thing that could be heard coming from ages away. That was my vessel to the shanty, an old but well built batch in the depths of the bush my Dad had built with my brother and I from birth. It was as much their home as the one they lived in ? I?d stopped going to that place when I was 14. At the breaking of my Dad?s heart I began to resent it for reasons that were senseless yet now a toothless smile crossed his face as both brothers and father finally went back ? together.
The music on my iPhone was turned up as loud as it would go and I could still barely hear it over the beating and grinding of the engine. Trying to remember what it was like at that place I was once so enamoured by I watched the country side flick by trying to figure out how to become telepathic. If I want to move a cup maybe I have to shift my consciousness to meet that of the cup and the synchronicity will cause a telekinetic response I thought.
There were huts and ponds scattered like waking thoughts throughout the bush we would soon be engulfed by and the people of these huts. The swamp people I called them would always pay you a visit ? by boat or four-wheeler. Alcohol was their water whereas water was mine. I was 25 at the time, well old enough to drink and I decided I would this time.
Having arrived moved and settle in shadowy parts of memory began to open like pages of a book. The physicality of being back had wrought my mind with potent thwacks of nostalgia loosing up memories medication had blacked out.
?I LOVE THE SWAMP? I said loudly from my bunk. Never one to hold emotions back.
Dad. Oh Dad. It seemed this is all he wanted in life. His boys both back up his favourite place. And theirs. I had just forgotten over the years. Spiralling into the insanity of Bipolar at 14 and repeatedly year after year going to Henry Bennett for weeks because I was too unstable for anyone but nurses and psychiatrists to care for.
?You always did Will, you were just sick for a long time? Dad replied filling out an antiquated cross word in a magazine left from many moons ago.
That was true enough. Sadness at what I had missed because I was sick abated and enjoying the nature filled my chest and mind ? BRRRRRR
Sam leapt of his bed. He was three years younger but in my absence had profoundly taken charge of all things swamp, especially with Dad?s back.
?Someone?s coming you think they?ll stop??
Dad cared little as they stopped or they did not. Shrugging he continued his crossword.
The boat motor slowed and Sam was down at the jetty helping whoever it was secure their boat. First off the mark that boy ? a sprinter and quick thinker. Couldn?t beat me in distance, I was designed to run long distances but he was a sprinter. A builder of muscle. A chatterer of things to always keep the conversation cheerful if not slightly uncouth.
Alas it was Gus, just Gus that had come to see us. He was a mans man, smoked his rollies without a filter drunk by himself watching deer stalking DVDs and didn?t give a fuck. Fuck was his favourite word.
?Hey Gus? I said from my bunk. He looked at me a little longer than usual and nodded back.
Moments past I slid off my bunk pulling two crate sized bottle of Red out of the freezer filled with salt ice. That?s we kept things cold. Bringing several sacks of salt ice to fill the deep freeze already there. It lasted well.
Handing a bottle to Dad I popped the top with my lighter then my own and began to drink. Listening to the inebriated swamp talk surreptitiously led my mind away from my worried until the alcohol had me smiling.
I went outside to smoke my tallie, I knew they stunk and inside I felt it was rude. I wanted to think and talk out loud to myself also but Sam forever concerned about my mental health yelled out my name.
Gus exclaimed ?JESUS is that William?
See I once was a staple of the bush and the swamp. Known by all because of my perplexingly continuous and long presence at the swamp. Many friends made their as a child had remained going to this place through to my age without the gap. But my absence and it?s more than a decade length ? people forgot who I was. Besides back then I was a boy, now I was a man with stubble drinking and smoking.
?Yup, no wonder you glared at me a while when I said hello? I replied
?Good to see your back boy? Gus replied and dove back into his retelling of a particular Deer Hunting DVD.
I liked Gus.
BRRRRR ? Sam was down there. Another visitor, interesting eve.
I would not have in my most creatively drug induced wonderings expected to see Bradley Taylow walk through the door. Wearing full camo clothing with a chilly bin full of beer he had most certainly remained a man of the bush in my absence. The thing with Brad is when he first came to this place he was five and his Dad Mike would stay with us thus Brad I became considerably close even outside of the hut the bush and the swamp. He knew who I was straight away.
?WILL? was the first thing he said ??good to see you up here?
Sam often told me how Brad asked after me but until physical being back and seeing and smelling and feeling all of it my memories weren?t there so his comments meant little.
Taking the only seat left at the opposite end of the table to me his eyes on mine ? which at the time each had a separate mind of their own ? and used his head to ever so slightly motion outside.
My seat was at Dad?s right hand side, Sam pushed Dad always to do more scared of the he would fail completely whereas I helped and cared for Dad so that day would be as far away as possible.
Brad just took his seat outside knowing the message had been received but that for me to take my chair and leave would be more hassle. I had two gates to Pass Sam and Father.
?Dad, just goin out side to talk to Brad? I whispered him. He smiled, always knew far too much.
On my way out the call of my brother halted me ?Do I need to come and find you this time??
?Nah ol Brad?s out there? Gus stated between gulps of whichever beer was closest.
Alas my exit was far simpler than expected. I geared up for outside temperature looking much like I was ready to ascend Mt Everest. It was just that all my extreme whether clothes were for when I went snowboarding ? bright. Far from camouflage.
I sat my chair next to his ?Long time no see huh?
Brad was drinking, already a bit drunk by the looks.
?I missed you Wills, nobody is quirky and chirpy like you up here. You always made it different? Brad said looking between the willows at the clumps of weed flowing up the river. The tide was coming in.
Brad always called me Wills. His reasoning is that I am always telling people what to do. He Wills them again he would say after I successfully got someone to do what I wanted. How could I remember this all now? The most shocking part was that I had forgotten it in the first place. It made me hate the pills that toyed with my memory ? that is all we are left with and that is if we are lucky.
?I?m back now Brad, being here reminded me of all the reasons why I loved it so much in he first place?
?Good Wills cause your brother told me? he hesitated ??kind of why you haven?t been up here for so long?
I cackled into the silent mist ?Cause I?m crazy?
He laughed to ?Being crazy, I guess so. But trying to kill yourself so many times, don?t you understand what you are taking away from everyone? choking a bit on last words ? whether it was beer or genuine sadness I left to wind.
Bradley cried. All of the sudden and not with grunts and moans ? silently ? the only giveaway was the moon?s light shimmering in his tears as they slid down his face. He didn?t move to wipe them away, not caring that I was bearing witness to his emotion.
?My Mum, you know ? she killed herself not long after I was born. It?s not worth it Wills especially you, God you are so smart and incredibly unique. Promise no matter how sick you get you?ll get help don?t take that road?
?I promise? I said quickly. The future is completely unknown but I wanted to sooth this boy I was sitting next to.
?Being here sitting next to you makes it impossible to even think about doing that. Most of the reason I am here is because I have been stable for so long B?
Eyes and face lighting up ?Sorry Wills, I just always said to myself the next time I saw you I would say that. And do one thing?
?What would that be?? I asked. Oh the beauty of the trees, the stars and the silence that was nature ? a quasi silence of life without industrialisation rushing through it like infection through veins. Lost in the surroundings thoughts of Brad?s statements churned with discontent in my mind making their physical presence known in the chilly grip my chest felt whenever I was quixotically contemplating.
One hand then another touched each side of my face and lips wet with beer touched mine. A soft kiss charging with passion, Bradley?s breath on my skin. So taken by the moment I couldn?t even dissect mentally what was occurring.
We were both looking at the river afterwards.
?I didn?t come down here to kiss you Wills but those lips and that face. Come on? he joked trying to release the non-existent tension.
?B it was the sweetest kiss I?ve had. And it was.
Lust beat though our veins and sparked in our eyes.
?Wanna go for a boat ride, we can switch the engine off and float with the tide shooting possums in the willows beside the river??
Hell yeah quiet nature and Brad.
We went back inside where the alcohol was gulping, pulsing and metabolising. Brad told them what was happening hence me having no more to do that put my gumboots and headtorch-spotlight on.
Brad could always smile better with his eyes than just his mouth and I got both;
?See you already look more swampified? he said jubilantly.
Walking down to the jetty he had an arm around my shoulders. It was comforting and it was Brad. He had the swamp knowledge of my brother but the lips of a lover I hadn?t seem for half my life. Bounding to the jetty head up when it should have been facing down Brad?s excitement caught on ? literally. I had to bound along with him.
Brad jumped into his boat as I grabbed the grappling hook and jumped in after.
?Your boat won?t die or sink right??
Wildly in the dark his eyes smiled again ?You?re safe with me Wills, let?s go on another journey?
?We?ll go up for an hour engine running and float back with the tide, should take four or five hours? his voice muffled by the outboard connected by God knows what to the back of the boat.
I nodded resting my back in the triangular cavity created by the joining of the two sheets of metal that made the base of the boat. It was comfortable with the padding from my extensive cold protection outfitting.
Face aimed at the sky eyes soaking in the stars and hand dipping in the water as we raged through it I was excitedly at peace. Brad?s eyes scanned over the water out front and me from time to time. Only because he wanted to see me ? he knew I was safe.
Motor off and the atmosphere plunged into an expansive silence. Nature ached and hollered while Brad got the .22 ready ? still I noticed even after alcohol he was gun safe. I valued that. Take note I thought. What on earth for?
?We gonna get some possums tonight? he said
His mock hill billy accent reminded me of the shows Dad watched on discovery. Alaskan Men or something similar.
Drifting with the tide is a slow process as you can imagine we had a fair chunk of time between possum deaths to talk.
All I wanted to talk about was the kiss and everything related but it seemed Brad he just wanted his time with me. It was still easy to talk; really talking to him was like talking to a Brad I had seen most everyday since the last one.
Starting his sentence with a roar of laughter ??the shit we used to get up to aye. Makes you think, you know ? how the world works in it?s little ways?.
??you vanish for what? Over ten years then reappear ? looking fine as hell, still with that uniquely beautiful mind but you?re a bloke not a boy?
?Alas the same is true for you Brad, you are no longer a boy. Somehow your face and your eyes still catch me. Even up here as kids it was you and I adventuring away, the other kids ? Sam even ? would set traps for rats while we ran around with machetes cutting things down?
Finishing the beer he had brought with him Brad laughed dribbling it over his clothes.
?For sure, child warriors. Remember though Wills how we?d always sneak into each others sleeping bag to talk the shit kids do ? plus it was two against whatever swamp beast might come in the night?
Vividly I remembered that and let the stream of subsequent memories flow their course. He was connotating to something specific, our closeness beyond that of normal friends.
?Well were always closer than the others, Sam he?s my brothers, but the rest of the bush kids for sure?
Brad, he spoke well when emotions and insecurities didn?t conflict with his intended speaking. Tonight I had a feeling a fair few did.
Watching me with honeyed eyes he motioned his head towards himself;
?You look freezing Wills come sit with me, leave the anchor up front for balance?
I was mildly sweating with my North Face jacket providing flaming warmth but followed the passion in heart and sat on the bottom of the boat between Brad?s legs leaning against his chest.
?I haven?t showered in 4 days just so you know? he added
?It?s all good B my profound purity will cleanse you?
Chuckling away one arm after the other slipped around me hugging me tighter into him.
?Not that this isn?t remarkably enjoyable, we aren?t going to shot many possums this way?. It was true Brad?s limbs were now intertwined as tight as comfortably possible. Even reaching for the gun would take so much effort we would have drifted past the possum by the time he had it ready to fire.
?William Hawkins do you really think I brought you all the way out here to shoot possums? he asked, legitimately wanting to know the answer.
?Well no? I said ??though I thought some shooting would happen?
Mac squeezed me a bit ?After I got the gun ready I realised I had a beer left. I?m not drunk but you never know ? I don?t do you-never-knows when it comes to guns. Besides you were my main plan that was the bait ? I just got my prize sooner?
?How dear boy do you manage to conclude I am your prize? I said
?You here with me intertwined with my body, I?m holding you. You?re my prize? he said casually.
?I?m the kind of prize that you take home and keep not the kind you enjoy for a few nights in the bush? I stated calming enjoying the feeling of Brad encircling me, protectiveness was so unexplainably attractive to me that I was a little lost in.
?William why do you think I waited so long for the chance to win you again, every year your brother would be up here and we?d have beer. He would tell me of you. So many things happened to you but my memories of the Wills up the bush stuck?
?How do you even know you have won me? I gloated trying to be like a wondrous prize.
?Your eyes. I had you when I walked in he door and you had me all over again when you looked back into my eyes knowing who I was even after all that time?
?Fuck Brad what are you so eloquently trying to tell me?? I needed to know, this dialogue was too ambiguous.
?That I want to be with you here, at home and wherever your antics take you in this world?
?Brad how can you possibly say all of that in the first three hours after not seeing me for ten years? I asked. I was swept away in his romance don?t get me wrong but some sort of logic had to be applied. I?d had too many experiences in life not to at least apply some logic and see what happens.
?Memories that have you in them never leave my mind. I can remember everything with you from back then, 11 years we were up here together adventuring. I think I fell in love with you then but seeing you tonight all manned up it was clear that you were still you and I fell in love again cause fuck there is so much you in you how could I not love seeing it was still the same?
?I did mean what I said about suicide though Wills I mean didn?t expect what I thought was a chat turn to turn out to be this. But hey Good. Bad.-?
?who knows? we both said. It was a Buddhist saying from an ancient parable about a king and his finger. Sometimes we?d just look at each other with trepidation and jump.
?So you?re in love with me?? I asked as he?d previously stated it in conversation.
?Yeah boi? he exclaimed to the shadows of willows dipping into the river ??you ever just feel like a person is meant to be with you??
?Well yeah I believe it bit it is a different thing for it to happen? I said making no effort un-cocoon myself from Brad, I could rest my head back on the middle of his chest and continue watching the stars.
?Well you?re that person for me; fuck knows how feelings work Wills. You?re the Psychologist you tell me?
Not bothering to correct him that I was still studying Psych not yet qualified because I knew he knew I let us flat in silence a while.
?I like you a lot B and if by some ridiculous chance we made something happen after this just looking at your face I know I would be in love with you far quicker than usual. Maybe I don?t remember as richly as you but remember how it felt to be with you. People say happiest memories all the time without thinking but those were, up here and the best were always with you? I cast my telling in a slow web catching his mind.
?See it could be that for some people it is meant to be?
My logic fell away that night in the silent dark with Brad. Since when has reason and logic had anything to do with love I thought.
?You?d be my person B?
?YUS we are persons? he exclaimed loudly at night. At least we weren?t hunting anymore; his exclamations would likely be driving every living thing as far from the riverside as possible.
My imagination is amazing and I am in love with it, yet this night? Not even I could have conjured these happenings up lest I was given the characters and plot direction. If I had and the direction was this I could not have pictured it better nor written it.
?We are? and so we were. In the span of a few hours an incredible conjugation of events had transpired to my current moment and while the confusedness of it all circulated through my mind. And it didn?t matter with the bush, the slow soothing movements of the river, the clear star laden sky and being wrestled slowly further into Brads body.
Back at the hut we walked in as usual humans of the bush would except Brad?s ridiculous grin ? it looked like we had been getting blazed the whole time with his gleeful face.
Sitting back at Dad?s now completely written off right side he said ?He?ll be good for you?. I stared at his glazed eyes and he knew all right, fuck. I disliked his ability to do such things, though advantageous when bipolar episodes struck, thankfully it was limited to his sons. Mum, if only.
I went outside for a smoke and my tiny black second shadow followed. My girl for 12 years since 8 weeks old this black lab had saved me mentally more than any medication. She was old now; on expensive painkillers she?d started a month earlier. Sore joints common to her breed had made it hard for her to do anything, now she had her zest back. It was the only reason she was allowed back up to the hut, that she was capable again.
I had a third shadow that night.
?Didn?t know you smoked Wills? came the voice from the shadows behind confirming it was Brad. He leant beside me against the railings of the back deck looking into the bush.
?You try thinking as much as I do and having too much spare time, all you wanna do is something that relieves stress while you try settle shit?
I breathed in the Winfield Blue ??not long though. I?m quitting when I get home, only been smoking a month and have a marathon in November?
?Marathon, sweet ? November ? must be the Auckland??
Surprised I nodded ?Yup, never failed for the past five years to get over the bridge before the start letting the cars across and you have to be bussed over?
?I?d love to know what you thought about during all that running, that head of yours must get through some things? he said
?It?s the opposite actually, it take?s all that shit away. I just think about running and enjoy the music. It?s why I keep doing it, I love it but it keep the noggin healthy?
?Plus give you an epic bod? Brad said as matter of common knowledge
?Thanks, I agree?
After getting the laughter out of his system Brad pulled me into him and kissed my head ?You haven?t changed?
I had. In the sense that when I said it that way all those years ago it was literal ? I agreed. Now I said that when I knew the compliment was deserved by myself and I believed in thanking oneself and having humble pride due to hard work.
?I wanna kiss you again?
?My mouth smells like the inside of a burning chemical factory after that smoke not to mention my mouth probably taste like smoke? I said not really wanting to subject him to that. First night and all.
He pulled me into a kiss anyway as my brother walked out to get another beer.
?Woooo aam I thaaaat drunk? he slurred
Brad looked over ?No dude, I was kissing your brother?
Sam looked at us and shrugged ?Sweeeet, Www don?t foregate yooour night pillss?
?So now Dad and Cory know? I said philosophically. A tendency of mine ? to speak with a distance to my voice as my mind was mostly elsewhere. Not now, now I was devastatingly present. For once.
?What, how does you?re Dad know?? Brad asked surprised
?Ask Jesus? I stated ??I sat next to him and he said He?ll be good for you then continued drinking?
Brad was grinning in spite of himself ?Man maybe your Dad has abilities?
?Yeah for his kids, his brain picking abilities stop there. Besides if you know my eyes well enough you just have to read them?
?True that. Well now the only two other people sleeping here know we?re together I can stay over, they won?t miss me at Twin Willows for a night?
Twin Willows was the name of the hut Brad stayed at with his cohort. No bunk was double so if he wanted to stay he could sleep separately. What with Father and Brother in the same room of course he would be.
?Sure B, you own bed though. You can have your old bunk?
?Sweet that?s cool, at least I get to wake up in the same room as you. Like old times, literally. Same hut and all?
It actually was a bit.
Brad stayed with us for the twelve nights I was there only returning to his hut to get the food he?d brought as he was eating with us. His presence caused no disharmony between those present if anything his continual happy attitude added to it.
Getting home was a haul having to lift and drag everything back we dragged up to begin with. Brad made it easier carrying far more than his weight in heavy bits and pieces.
I went with Brad back to the main boat ramp way up the river and Sam took our boat. Striking our first hurdle so soon into the beginnings of our relationship Brad?s eyes glazed at having to leave me for his job five hours from where I lived.
Right before I got in the huge green diesel beast to be taken home he lifted me off my feet and kissed me.
?Five hours is nothing, I?ll see you on the weekend?
I couldn?t formulate a sentence to respond with by the time he reached his Ute. Winking in triumph that he had quietened Wills he pulled out boat in tow and we followed.
?Will, how is that gonna work he lives ages away? Sam said immediately in the security of the beast.
?I dunno brother but he?s coming over this weekend?
?Huh well he must like you if he is going to drive five hours both ways just to see you? he said
?We?ll see, I like him. One can only wait and see with things such as this?
?Oh so your applying Buddhist theory now? Dad chided in
?I apply whichever theory suits to get the best result?
That ended the conversation because they knew I would go on forever about theories and suitability of situations to given predictions. I always did, I lavished discussing such things but rarely got the opportunity to with anyone other than myself.
Study was so intense that week, I had dreams about it.