Please note my change of address!
While I still check at rjaymesblake@hotmail.com, I will be checking at my real address at ajblue98@home.com a lot more!
Thanks!
This story involves members of the band NSYNC. I am in no way implying anything about the sexuality of any of its members. This is purely a fictional story. Enjoy!
Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write me. I really, really enjoy hearing from you guys, so please send any comments and/or suggestions to ajblue98@home.com (ICQ #9858921)
"Ohh, baby. Ohh, baby. It's alright..." Lance just sat there, rocking Russ, until he fell asleep. When Lance was sure that Russ was sleeping, he put him in the bed, and Russell immediately curled up into the fetal position, clutching the silver dolphins that he held around his neck. Lance's heart broke as he sat on the bed, leaning over Russ.
In a half-whisper, he said, "I don't care who... or what... or how you are. You'll never have to hurt again. I swear it..."
Lance crawled into the bed, and Russell instinctively reached out towards him. When he felt Lance's body, he grabbed on for dear life.
Lance's heart broke again, and now he was crying... not for himself, but for Russ. He just held Russ close and cried...
I awoke from my slumber, now in the bed, with my legs curled up underneath me in the fetal position, but still holding onto Lance. Realizing that my right arm was underneath him, I decided not to move, since I didn't want to wake him.
I checked the clock atop the television. It was 3 A.M..
I looked at his face. The face of the first true friend I'd ever had, it was. I could see the stains of tears on his face, and on the bed's sheets. I carefully placed a thumb on his cheek, and tried to wipe the tears away, and then he shudderred. He began crying again. Lance hadn't slept a wink, really. He'd been thinking of me all night, hoping, wanting, needing to help me.
"Lance," I whispered, "have you gotten any sleep?"
He shook his head "no."
I straightened my legs out under the covers. He held onto me more tightly. I pulled him close, so that our bodies touched and just laid there, rocking him.
"I'm so sorry..." He was having trouble speaking, and his nose was stopped up, as though he'd been crying. He was crying now, again.
"For what, Lance?"
"For everything you must've gone through. I'm just so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." He just kept repeating the phrase over and over again.
"Ohh, Lance. It's okay; it's okay." I tried to console him, but to no avail. I just decided to be quiet. I just rocked him.
Finally, he was still.
This time, I would be certain that he was asleep. "Lance?" I whispered sofly, so as not to disturb him if he was asleep.
There was no answer.
I just held him tight, and we stayed there for the rest of the morning.
Elsewhere, Justin awoke, and looked over at the clock. 7:30. 'Dang,' he thought, 'I hate getting up this late.' He paused for a moment. 'Oh, yeah. Freeday. Kool. -But since I'm up...'
Justin rolled over, groaning, and massaged the sleep out of his eyes. He got out of bed, and the coldness of the room shot through him like a bullet.
Still groggy, he collapsed on the floor.
He got straight bacck up, however, and made a bee-line for the shower, but not before remembering to get some clothes first.
Several minutes later, he had successfully used the steam from the shower to warm up the bathroom. He stepped out o fthe bathroom. He was wearing his now-infamous UNC Tar Heels jerzee over a white teeshirt, and a pair of baggy stone-washed jeans.
He walked outside of the door to the room, and noticed Chris's door was open; he could hear voices coming from that direction. He walked silently over and peered inside.
"You there, boy? Come on in, Justin." The voice belonged to Joey.
Justin went in, and sat down next to J.C. on the bed.
The room was the same kind as Lance's, but flipped. When you walked in, the bathroom / shower and bed were on the left side of the room, and the sitting area was on the right. The television was in the far right corner. J.C. was on the right side of the foot of the bed, Joey on the floor, just to the right of J.C.'s feet, and Chris was in a chair by the television.
"So, what's up for today," asked Joey.
"Well, lemme get my appointment book and see," Chris replied. "We have nothing today... or tomorrow... or the day after that, or that, or that, or that. Hmm. Interesting. It looks like we have two weeks and three days free, NOT including today."
Everyone except for Justin gave a small cheer. Justin just smiled.
"Well, look," Joey said, "we've got to get Justin here some cereal, or he'll never speak again, let alone sing, and where are Lance and Russ?"
"Well," J.C. hesitated, "I'm not sure, but I thought I heard moaning coming from Lance's room last night." Joey had had the room next door to Lance's.
Everyone looked at him; they were somewhere between bewilderment and shock.
He looked at them all, trying to decipher the looks on their faces. He got it. "No, not that kind of moan. A sick, sad, heartwrenching moan. I don't know if it was Russ or not, but..." J.C. trailed off.
"-But your money's on that it was." Chris completed his sentence.
J.C. nodded. " When I found him in the bathroom at the restaurant last night, he was crying."
Everyone understood. They all nodded response.
"Well, whatever it is," Chris replied, "he'll tell us when he's ready. -And if someone was crying last night, well... Being gotten up after you've cried yourself to sleep is no fun, so let's just leave them. We have two-and-a-half weeks. Let 'em sleep..."
Again, everyone nodded their consent.
"Well," J.C. said, getting up, "we'd better do something about Justin." He reached down, and took Justin's hand, pulling him up off the bed. "We'll go find breakfast for him. Anyone wanna' come?"
In unison, Joey and Chris said, "I do!"
They all headed out the door, on an adventure to find breakfast...
At around what he figured had to be noon time, Lance woke up again, still in Russ's arms, still being rocked.
"You're still awake?" He asked in a soft tone, since Russ was only inches from him.
I nodded. "I woke up a coulpe of hours ago, but I didn't want to wake you." I hesitated, then asked, "are you okay?"
"Yeah. I guess. -But are you okay?"
"I'll be fine. Now that I know you won't hate me..." I trailed off.
Even though we were still holding onto each other, he held me tighter, hugging me. I hugged him too. After a moment, we sat up so that we could release each other.
The silver dolphins were still around my neck. I relesed the clasp and took them off. I latched them around his neck.
"What's this?"
"These are dolphins. One year in high school, I went to a school whose mascot was the dolphin. Before I realized I was gay..." My eyes started to tear. "It was one of the worst schools I'd ever been to."
"So, why do you wear the dolphins, if they're from a bad school?"
"At that school, I had no friends. The person I was closest to was my human anatomy and physiology teacher, but we only shared a common interest in science. The orchestra, they were okay, but..." I remembered the orchestra from that school, who'd spat on me and walked out. A tear ran down my face. "-So, to answer your question, I slipped into an almost-fatal depression at that school, but I didn't let anyone know how I felt for too long. I wear the dolphins to remind me that..." I had to force the words out. "-That no matter how bad things get, no matter how many people hate me, I'll always manage to pull through it, somehow. I usually wake up with them in my hands when I've cried myself to sleep. Thery're the only thing that gets me through the night, sometimes."
Lance's eyes teared again, and he began crying. "You were holding them last night, when I put you in the bed, but you reached for me when I got in. You'd been holding me since."
We hugged tightly again, and I rubbed his back. "Lance, already, you've been the best friend that I've ever had."
He sniffed. He didn't say anything. He just held me tight.
We continued hugging for another several moments, then released each other.
He held the dolphins in his fist as I had done so many times before. He leaned towards me, and said, "thanks. This means a lot to me."
I smiled and nodded. "Ditto."
My mind started wandering, and I wasn't paying too much attention to what I was doing. I snapped back to reality as I leaned slightly forward and almost kissed him.
I looked at him, his eyes were closed, and he had this peaceful look on his face. Good. He hadn't noticed.
'Could I be falling for him,' I thought. 'Probably,' I answered myself, he's already been a better friend to you than you had ever had.' 'Yeah, but he's striaght, isn't he?'
I sighed, mentally.
His eyes slowly opened, and he saw me sitting there, next to him. "We both need to get showered," he said.
"Uh, yeah. We do." Those thoughts returned, but I quashed them. He couldn't love me. Only as a friend.
He made me get my shower first, but I told him that he might have made a mistake. He didn't really care. He waned me to feel better. The shower sure did. -And I made it out in under ten minutes. When I got out, I found a pair of boxers on the tank of the toilet. Lance had put a small tag on them that read, "wear these."
I put on the boxers, and went out of the shower room to let Lance in.
"Umm, here. Help yourself to any of my clothes. It's okay."
My eyes watered from his last sentence, but I quickly blinked them away. He was behind me, anyway, so he couldn't see this.
"Okay, thanks, Lance," I said.
Lance got in the shower.
Ten minutes later, Lance came out of the bathroom, dressed, looking for Russ. He didn't see him. All he saw was a piece of paper, a note, atop the dresser. Lance went over to it, and he picked it up.
It read:
Lance, I'm so sorry for crying on you last night and running. I have a feeling that you think I don't know who you are, but I do, and I can't bear to think of what it could do to your career if anyone ever found out that you were my friend. I'm sorry for having put you out of your way like that.
In the top drawer is some cash, for your troubles. I know it's not much to you, but it's what I can do. Again, I'm sorry, but more thankful for what you did for me last night than you'll ever know.
As for the dolphins, every time that things get bad, hold onto them, and know that sometime, somewhere, someone will, does, or did have it worse, and that things will get better, in time.
Lance, you're already the best friend that I have ever had, but I can't hold on to you forever like I did last night. I release you back to your life.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Russell.
The letter, especially the last sentence, was stained with tears, and now Lance added his to the letter.
He looked in the top drawer. There was $300 in there. Lance's eyes widened. Tears streamed down his face, and he ran out of the hotel, tears streaming down his face as he cried for me.
He flew down to the lobby, and looked for me. I wasn't there.
Remembering how I'd need a ride home, he bolted out the door. The cold cut him like a nife, but he didn't care. I was getting in a cab. He only had seconds to get to me.
He flew again. He threw himself into the cab, just as I was going to shut the door. I looked at him in shock.
The cabby threw us out.
The cold cut both of us again, as it had pierced me while I was waiting for him.
We went back into the lobby, towards the back, but Lance took my hand as we got on the elevator.
We got to his room, and I slumped over, sobbing.
I was too busy sobbing to notice he was crying, too. -Not too hard to speak, tho'.
"Russell," he said, "don't you ever do that again." He chastized me. "First, you're not going to pay me anything. Second, you're not running out on me." I listened numbly to third.
Instead of third, however, he came over to me, and embraced me. Now came third.
"Third," he said in a whisper, "I'm not going to abandon you like this. I'm not ever going to let anybody hurt you. -Ever, ever again."
After a moment, I held him, too. We seemed to be hugging a lot.
We released each other, and then he reached behind me, and pulled my wallet out from my pocket. He neatly stuck the money back in it, and put it back.
"You're not paying me."
There was a long pause.
"You need to tell the others, Russ."
I sat on the bed, hands clasped with my elbows on my knees, and my chin resting on my knuckles. "Lance, I don't think I can..." I hesitated. "What if they're not all okay with it like you were? They'll hate me. They'll curse me, and spit on me." I began sobbing.
"Spit on you!? Russ, have..."
I nodded, and broke down even more.
He came over to me, sat on the bed, held me and rocked me.
"No one here is going to do that to you, Russell, I'm sorry."
"Why? Why are you sorry? You just met me..."
"Because no one should have to go through enough to make you cry like this..." He stopped for a minute. "No one's going to spit on you. I know the guys; they're cool, but they still deserve to know." His
I shook my head, debating. "Okay, Lance, go get them."
He put his right arm around me, and held my hands in his left.
"I'll be right back, and we'll sit, just like this, and you can tell them. Okay?"
It wasn't okay. "Lance, you're holding my hand. What if they think yo-"
He cut me off. "Then let them. I'm going to be right here, and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you."
He gave me a one-armed hug, and got up, leaving me on the bed. He walked out, and a minute later, they all came back from Chris's room.
Lance sat with me on the bed, holding me and my hands as he'd done before. I put my arm around him. The tears did not wait this time. They began streaming down my face. I stared at the television, away from the group.
"Guys," I began. Lance squeezed me and my hands. "I'm... gay."
...to be continued....
Hope you enjoyed this segment. Let me know what you think!!
As always, I'd love to hear any comments/ideas/questions. Please e-mail me at ajblue98@home.com (ICQ #9858921)
Okay, I copied the disclaimer and footer from my baby's story (I'll bet you can't guess which one it is...) because they're... This story is for him. Thank you, baby, for giving me the strength, even tho' we've not spoken in so long, to post this. And remember, the disclaimer from the first installation still applies. Oh, and I mean what's in the header and footers, too. DO, PLEASE, WRITE ME!
-AJBlue98 :)