This story is fiction. Any similarities with peoples living or dead are purely coincidence. Please navigate away from this story if it is against the law in our country to view this material. Moreover do not read if you are under the age of majority in your state, province or country. Please do not copy without permission.
Hey Guys! Long time eh! So I hope you guys aren't too angry with me. I know a lot of you are fans of my other story American in Canada and some of you know that AIC is currently on hiatus until September. The reason for this is so that I can focus on BIML for the summer. Anyway so yeah this is chapter 7. I've taken my idea of adding music to chapters and applied it to BIML. I hope you like the song as much as story. Here's the link, it's by Winnipeg artist who is also a friend of mine! So enjoy! http://vimeo.com/8756892
Back in my Life - Chapter 7: Just can't bear to start...
*Ozzie's POV
I felt as though my eyes weren't going to stop flowing with tears. A whole weight had been lifted off my chest, but a whole new weight fell down. I suddenly realised something. My life was about to get much more difficult. Now that Brock was back in my life, I had to be that much more careful to hide my feelings. Brock might be okay with me being gay, but I doubt he'll be comfortable knowing that I was in love with him.
Everything felt so surreal, and I wondered if it was all worth it. I mean yeah sure we were best friends once, but that wasn't even for a whole year. In reality, Brock and I barely knew each other. Especially since we parted ways. Well, he parted ways, I was left standing in the dust. Why was I even in love with him? All those thoughts faded though when Brock pulled away from me. Nobody looked at me like Brock did, nobody held me like he did either. That was why I was in love with him.
After that night, we pretty much picked up from where we left off. We hung out, watched sports; you know the usual guy stuff. At first, I was a little wary at how we were able to pick up so fast. But I didn't need to worry. His smiles were always sincere. Tim and Simon quickly welcomed Brock into our newly formed group of friends. They of course, after a couple of weeks of flirting and Si voicing his worries about Tim not feeling the same way about him, were finally a couple. I was a bit jealous of their relationship. I just wanted what Tim had; I wanted someone to have feelings for me. And more than anything, I wanted that someone to be Brock. During that time, even though I'd never been happier, my thoughts were a jumble of thoughts, feelings and emotions. Somehow I came up with a hypothesis. If I started treating Brock like a friend again, the feelings of being in love with him would disappear. What a crazy hypothesis that was because if anything, the feelings just kept getting stronger.
So yeah there I was, single, virgin, and jealous of my friends relationship and pining over my best friend. My life was pretty screwed up.
It had been a couple of weeks since Brock and I had reconciled and I was on my way to the dorm. I was just walking carefully, reading my textbook. Okay, so obviously you can't really walk carefully if you aren't watching where you are going. That point was proven because the next thing I knew my butt was stinging. My textbook fell with a thud beside me, the pages flapping in the wind. I was lying on the ground, slightly bewildered, wondering how I fell down.
"Oh shit! I'm so sorry!" said a low baritone voice, a sexy low baritone, which was only second to Brock's. "Here," he said reaching out his hand "let me help you up." I grabbed his hand and stood up carefully. "I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going." I looked up to see the face of the guy who had levelled me. He was tall, about as tall as Brock. He obviously took care of himself. His hair was perfectly trimmed, straight brown locks hung loosely just over his left eyebrow. He had a strong jaw line, with about a day`s worth of stubble that only served to enhance his manly features. Was he gorgeous? Um, I think you'd have to be blind not to think so.
"It's okay," I said quietly "I wasn't looking where I was going." I was suddenly self conscious about the way I looked after falling so I started to gingerly brush myself off. My butt was pretty sore.
"I guess we're both at fault then, here." he said smiling as he handed me my book. And what a gorgeous smile it was. "Hey, aren't you in my journalism class?" he asked, sudden recognition flashing in his eyes. I recognized him to. He sat a couple of rows in front of me. Si and I called him 'sexy back' because his back and butt were incredible and the clothes he wore only served to make everyone want to tear them off. A couple of days ago he wore these tight white pants that looked as though they were painted on. I think I might have been staring too long because when I looked up, he was looking at me. He smiled and I blushed. This guy could almost make me forget about Brock. I say almost because I still found myself comparing everything about him with Brock. I have a freaking God standing in front of me and all I can think about is Brock. Ugh.
"I'm Eric by the way." Only then did I notice our hands were still clasped from when he helped me up.
"I'm Ozzie." even then I made no effort to let go. "I guess I'll see you in class?"
"Definitely! See you then!" neither of us made a move. "Um, you want to go for a coffee tomorrow after class?" he said finally releasing my hand. His question totally caught me off guard. I had been staring into his eyes when he asked and it never occurred to me that I should answer him. "Yeah, no, Maybe?" he asked before laughing nervously.
"Oh, yeah, yeah that sounds great!" I said making no effort whatsoever to hide my blatant attraction to him. I wasn't very good at reading people, but somehow I knew the attraction was mutual...at least I hoped it was. "I'll see you tomorrow Eric. Bye!" I said before walking past him. As I was walking away though, I couldn't help but look back. The first thing that I saw was Eric's smile. He hadn't moved since I walked away. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I meekly waved and he did the same.
By the time I got back from classes, Brock had already been home for half an hour. We already had each other's schedules memorised since we had most of the same classes together except a couple. He'd always greet me when I came home.
"Hey Ozzie! How was class?" he said smiling before getting up and giving me a hug. Brock's smile could always brighten my day. Eric's didn't even hold a candle. The hugs on the other hand...I would be lying if I said it was very unlike him to be this affectionate.
"It was good." I said, my face starting to ache a bit from smiling so much. I think this goofy grin had been plastered on my face since saying goodbye to Eric.
"Just good?"
"Yeah."
"Well that smile tells me otherwise." he said giggling before holding me at arm's length. His face suddenly blanched though before looking away. That certainly wiped the grin from my face as the thoughts of Eric were replaced with worry for my best friend.
"Are you okay?" I asked, my voice laced with concern.
"Um, yeah, sorry. I just remembered I have an assignment due at the end of the week that I've been putting off. I haven't even started it yet." he said. I could tell he was lying to me but I didn't press the issue.
"Okay. Well I'm going to go out and get some stuff for dinner. Wanna come?"
"Nah, I think I'll get started on my work, but let me know when you get in, I'll help you with dinner."
"Sounds good." I said trying to infuse my voice with as much false joy as possible to get him to smile. He didn't know it, and I'd be damned if he ever found out but I would do anything he asked me to do. As long as he rewarded me with a smile then I was fine with it. It sort of worked because he gave me a half smile so I made a funny face at him. He giggled and his wonderful smile appeared, even if only for a fleeting moment.
"Get going you goof, I'm getting hungry."
"I'm going, don't work too hard though. I plan to exploit your offer to help and I don't want to come back to you snoring."
"I won't, I promise."
*Brock's POV
I was heartbroken. I honestly felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stepped on. I could see it in his eyes and his smile, someone else had my Ozzie smitten and I couldn't do anything about it. I wasn't ready to tell him that I had fallen for him. I doubt he would believe me anyways. Would you believe me after those years of me teasing him? Or after finding some girl bobbing up and down in my lap? Why, you may ask, did I have some girl giving me a blowjob? At this point in my life, I had accepted my sexuality. Everyone I felt should know, knows that I'm gay. Everyone except Ozzie. So to answer the question, I wanted Ozzie to see us. I wanted to see him get jealous, I wanted to find out he had feelings for me. I couldn't even get hard, so I had to think about Ozzie. Did I find out Ozzie was in love with me? No, instead of not talking to me and ripping me a new one, he brought home food for me and we patched up our friendship. I knew at that point he didn't have those feelings for me yet I only fell more in love with him.
Why doesn't Ozzie know about me? Because I'd rather him not know than be rejected by him. I didn't deserve him, not after the hurt I caused him. I knew that but it still hurt. He deserved better than me. I just didn't have to be happy about it. It's not like he'd be attracted to someone like me anyways. I mean look at him, he's gorgeous. Dorian Gray pales in comparison to him.
Si and Timmy, Ozzie's friends, are really great guys. They're the other people that know about me and my feelings for Ozzie. How do they know? Well since Ozzie and I patched things up, I've been spending a lot of time with him which in turn meant I was spending a lot time with Si and Timmy too. Anyway, Si, Timmy and I usually end classes earlier than Ozzie so they invited me to have some snacks and play some vids with them. I agreed so we headed over to our buildings.
"So, how long have you been in love with Ozzie?" Timmy asked. I almost spat up my Sprite. When I say almost, I mean it came out of my nose. Timmy was really shy at first, but when he started dating Si a couple of weeks ago and started hanging out with us, he started to get more comfortable and started to come out of his shell.
"What?" I responded taking a tissue from Si who was lightly chuckling. I wasn't expecting such a blunt question to be asked, let alone by Timmy. "What do you mean how long have I been in love with Ozzie?"
"You can't hide from us Brock." Si said, still giggling. "I pegged Ozzie as one of us from the moment I saw him. You on the other hand took a while. I thought you were totally straight, and so did Timmy here, that is until I noticed the way you act around Ozzie." I could hear myself gulp.
"H-how do I act around Ozzie?"
"Like a love sick puppy that's how." Timmy said. I just stared at them wide eyed. "Oh come on Brock, are you going to deny it?" he asked without any hint of malice. I was out to everyone that mattered and so far, Si and Timmy have been better friends than any of those jerks on my high school LAX team. I might as well tell them.
"No I'm not going to deny it, but Ozzie can never find out."
"Why not?" Si asked.
"Because I doubt he'd believe me. He and I have just begun fixing things and I don't want to do anything that might hinder that, or worse, foil it all together. And more importantly, I don't think I could handle it if he rejected me." Si and Timmy shot a look to each other.
"I don' think yo-oww!!!" Si yelped as Timmy's elbow connected with his side. I looked at both of them suspiciously as Si started daggers into Timmy, who himself looked back with an equally intense gaze. It was almost like they were communicating with their eyes.
"What Si was going to say was it probably won't hinder the progress you guys are making if you told him you were gay. In fact, I think it might be a bad thing if you didn't tell him."
"You think so?"
"Yeah" Si said looking to Timmy as if asking for confirmation " I think it would be bad for you and us considering we know. He'll wonder why you didn't tell him but felt okay to tell us. I think he'll feel betrayed. We understand why you don't want to tell him, but I doubt he'll be as understanding."
That was last week. Today was the day I was going to tell him. I wasn't going to tell him everything, just that I was gay. But then I saw that look in his eyes and I knew that he was thinking of someone else. I just couldn't tell him, not like this.
"Brock, I'm back! Get your butt down here and help me cook."
"I'll be right down." I said wiping the stray tears from my eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I turned around to see a worried look on Ozzie's face. "Are you okay?"
"Um," shit. What a great time to go brain dead. Come Brock, think of something! "I was uh, pulling my nose hairs." Good one Brock, Everyone knows your eyes water when you pull your nose hairs out. But now he thinks I'm weird. The look of worry was replaced by smiling, questioning eyes.
"Pulling your nose hairs?" he said, struggling to contain his giggles. I even loved his giggle.
"Yeah, I can't let them get too long. If I don't pull them, they'll start coming out of my nose."
"Okay then hahahaha. Finish your plucking and get your cute ass down to the kitchen." he said before smacking my ass and heading downstairs. Asshole. Wait...did he just say I had a cute ass?
"So what do you want me to do?" I heard him mumble something that sounded like 'me' but I couldn't be sure. "Sorry what was that?"
"Um," he said turning away, he must have said something out loud that he didn't mean to say because I could see his ears as they turned a few shades of red "...you can chop the garlic and the onions." He said pointing to the back on the counter. He kept his head in the fridge. I was gaining courage from both him saying I had a cute ass and what sounded like a 'me' when I asked what he wanted me to do so I decided to tease him a bit.
"I could do you next if you want." I said as seductively as I could. BANG. I couldn't help but laugh out loud when he hit his head on the fridge shelf.
"Owww." he rubbing his head. The he realised that I was laughing uncontrollably. "Asshole." he said smiling. I just kept laughing. "Hurry up and get those done jerk."
*Ozzie's POV
Oh god, he did hear me. Of course he had to go and tease me about it. Geez if only he had taken it seriously and had his way with me right there in the kitchen. Well, so much for fantasies.
Dinner went okay, but even with all the fun we were having, I could tell something was bothering Brock. I knew for a fact that he didn't have a project due at the end of this week. The two classes that he has without me, he has with Timmy, and I had called him when I left to get groceries to see if he had anything due this week. He said no.
After dinner we watched a bit of TV then headed off to bed. As we lay there I felt as though someone was watching me. I turned towards Brock's bed and found that he was staring at me. He smiled, but his smile was different. It was almost sad.
"Who is he?" he asked. I knew that Brock could hide nothing from me if he tried, I just didn't know I was the same way.
"Who's who?"
"The guy that's got you smitten."
"Oh, how did you know?" I asked even though I knew the answer.
"Come Ozzie, I know that you think we don't know each other, but in the time that we were friends, I became aware of everything that has to do with you. You know me better than I do and I know you better than you do." he paused. "So, who is he?"
"His name is Eric. He's in our journalism class. He's the guy that sits a couple of rows in front of us."
"Oh ok."
<>
"I barely know him. And considering my luck, he's probably not even gay."
"It doesn't matter if he's gay or not, anyone, guy or girl, would fall in love with you given half the chance to get to know you." he said. Why would he say that? And why did it sound like his voice was trembling. I wanted nothing more that to go to him and fall asleep in his arms. "I'm tired," he said sniffling "goodnight Ozzie."
"Goodnight Brock."
*Brock's POV
"Goodnight Brock." he said before I turned away from him. I grabbed my IPod and put my earphones in. I knew sleep wouldn't come easy tonight and my IPod always helped me fall asleep. I needed to escape from Ozzie, even for just one night, and the songs on my IPod were just what I needed. I wouldn't be gone for too long though, because eventually the fact that I couldn't live without Ozzie in my life would come back and I'd have to come back to him.
Diana's Pops' 63rd came on and I realised no matter what I did, Ozzie was going to be on my mind. 63rd was all too fitting.
<<<Girls that give you second glances you don't even notice I am on my 63rd without a single word being spoken And time, it doesn't change, it doesn't ever change...we just move on But could you rearrange the things you never say so I won't hurt? ...so you were wrong>>>
Would he ever notice? Will he ever know how I feel about him? Will I ever tell him? So many questions swirled in my mind, and I knew that there would be many more before any of them were answered. I loved Ozzie, oh god how I loved Ozzie, and I feared that my love would stay unrequited. My eyes silently gave way to tears and the overwhelming feeling of being lost hit me. I was losing Ozzie and I didn't know what to do. I was too scared to tell him...
<<<Or would you walk me to my door without a single sign that you heard me Honestly, anyone is good enough for you But please, could you take this to heart If I ever fall again, I'll just fall apart Afraid that you'll care I just can't bear to start
Turning the corner, St. Johns and Church St. You're one step further, are you afraid to look at me? Oh God, you look fine, that's my favorite blue shirt Don't look at my hands all covered in dirt ...or the tears on my sleeve ...my face could use work
Est-ce que tu resterais un peu Sans dire un mot Un mot tendre, sans attentes Nuile etoile est assez belle pour toi Je t'en_n supplie, tournes-toi vers moi Si je tombais encore une fois, Je tomberais en morceaux J'ai peur de la chute, Je retiendrai le saut
Afraid that you'll care I just can't bear to start...>>>
So that's the end of chapter 7. I hope you guys liked and I hope you like the song too. It's one of my favourites! So if you have any comments, you know the drill, shoot me an email. And if you want to see the pics of the characters from BIML or my other story American in Canada than please check out my group at http://groups.google.ca/group/cndoliverstories Until the next chapter! Aufwiedersehen!
Much Love, Oliver