Disclaimer: The following is entirely a work of fiction. All characters featured in this story are fictional and are not intended to resemble real persons, hence; it is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of any celebrity might mentioned. The views and opinions mentioned in the text may not represent those of the author. Certain facts stated in this story as true, may have been altered or added for entertainment purposes and may not be real.
Some elements included in this fiction may not be suitable for all people, if you're uncertain - please, do not continue.
Please turn to the author's Letter of Recognition for more info. Available at the 'Backstreets' website.
Website: http://www.geocities.com/writer_nike
Author's notes:
A bit late this time. Well, at least it was published at the Backstreets website on time. Anyhow, if you like it, let me know. If you don't like it, let me know as well.
Also, I've been thinking, it would be interesting to recieve a flame. Now, I'm not saying that I want my inbox cluttered with flames (don't think I could handle that!) but it would be interesting to see how it would be. So, if you really hate my story cos I write slash about the BSB(!) or me as a person, go ahead and send me a mail. Yeah, one mail is sufficient, so if you could coordinate it with the rest of the bunch that'd be great! ;-)
Thanks for taking the time to read Revelations and Insights!
/Nike writer_nike@yahoo.com - I'm always there, ready to listen!
Backstreets - season 1: Revelations and Insights
Written by: Nike
"If you can smile even though something has fucked up,
it's because you have someone in mind to blame." - Unknown
Part 5 - Two become one _________
Nick didn't want to fall asleep, he wanted to cherish this moment forever in time. Brian was sleeping now, Nick could hear it on his breathing. It was so wonderful to be close to Brian again, to feel his body so close to his own. He couldn't believe the immense feeling, the two naked bodies meeting. It was electrical. Nick longed for the day when his wish would come true, where he'd be able to do what he did in the dream he had had earlier this day. Nick tightened his grip on Brian, 'For now, this will have to do.'
Brian could hardly open his eyes. The sleep was still very much in control, but a noise had woken him. 'Where am I?' was his first conscious thought. He still hadn't adapted to the feeling of waking up in a different room every night, it used to take him weeks of touring before he could wake up and not care.
Suddenly Brian became aware of the pressure on his chest. He lifted the covers, what he saw made him smile. It was Nick clinging on to him. Brian lifted away the sheet slightly, revealing Nick's head. He was fast asleep. He watched him sleep. He had known Nick now for, what was it, eight years? He still remember the first time he met Nick. In fact, Brian still thanks God for bringing Nick into his life.
Brian and Nick didn't become tight friends until their first tour though. When Brian thought about it, he remembered it was actually in Germany they toured for the first time and it was then he and Nick bonded.
"How are you doing, Nick?"
Nick tightened his grip when he started to wake up, and cuddling a bit, rubbing his head against Brian's chest. He wanted to stay like this forever.
"Nick." again Brian exclaimed.
'Huh? What was that?' Nick was being woken by some saying his name. 'Oh no. It can't all be a dream again.' was his first thought as he semiconciously grinded his face against Brian's hairless chest. He was surprised by the genuinety of the touch, it still remained as his mind got more alert. And that smell, Nick could recognise that anywhere. It belonged to Brian.
"Brian?" Nick questioned groggily.
Brian looked at him with amusement in his eyes, "Yeah, I'm here. I thought you'd be able to sense that!" Brian joked, referring to Nick's grip on him.
Nick opened his eyes just so he'd see Brian, "Hi." he said and smiled. Waking up to Brian's face was Nick's idea of a perfect way of starting a day. A few seconds later his head fell back onto Brian's chest. Nick tighten his grip once again after having loosened it slightly awhile ago.
"Are you feeling up to seeing the other guys today?" Brian questioned.
It took Nick a few moments to answer. "Yeah, I guess so."
He had to face them sooner or later time. Better doing it sooner, the longer he waited the greater the chance of the guys suspecting something was wrong. And who knows, perhaps they've bought Jim's lie, Nick thought. Well, of course not Kevin. Nick contemplated his options.
"I gotta do it some day. Might as well be today, huh?" Nick joked half heartedly, resting his head on Brian. He was looking out into nowhere.
"Good. If you're starting to feel uncomfortable or anything, just tell me and we'll think of something. Besides, I think we're leaving Munich tonight or maybe early tomorrow morning, I really can't remember, but you'll have plenty of time to think on the bus." Brian answered.
"I don't want to think anymore." Nick was quick and stern in his reply. "I've spent these last couple of years doing nothing but thinking. I want to act. Not think."
"Oh. What's stopping you?" Brian was curious of the underlying cause of Nick's sudden outburst of clearsight.
Nick was hesitant. He could see the questions building in Brian's eyes. Questions he didn't want to face. 'I whish I could tell you, Brian. I really wish I could tell you.' Nick thought. To not share his thoughts and feelings with Brian was killing him. They could talk to eachother about any and everything. All but this. He hated keeping things from Brian, but for now he couldn't see any other solution. He had to keep playing this game.
Nick was very unsure of how Brian would react if he found out Nick was gay. Not that Brian had ever said anything negative about gays, at least not as Nick knew of, but he was weary of how Brian would react when he 'had it in his own backyard', so to speak.
But now he had to say something, the silence was straining on Nick. "A lot of things." Nick said, using the same old excuse, "Being in the public spotlight makes you think ahead of everything you do. Its getting to you after awhile." Nick looked at Brian.
Brian spotted the lie immediately as Nick let it slip his tounge. For a few moments there, Nick had opened up and Brian cursed himself for not being fast enough to keep him from shutting again. For now, he let the lie pass. There would be other chances. Brian smiled at Nick, "It's hard. But we do it cos we love what we do."
There was silence. Both occupied with their own thoughts. To Nick it was getting more and more obvious that this facade which he's doing he best to keep up, was falling apart. It's only a matter of time until something catastrophical was due to happen. 'Perhaps he needed to talk to someone.' Maybe Kevin.
He definitely knew who he wouldn't talk to. AJ would have a field day with such information. Not that he feared AJ would tell Brian, but the teasing would be endless. Something Nick had no intention what-so-ever to participate in. That left Howie and Kevin. Howie, well, he wasn't sure about Howie. He didn't think Howie would volountarily let his tounge slip, but he and AJ was out partying a lot and when Howie got drunk he started talking. To not talk about something intriguing as this was simply not possible for Howie.
And there's Kevin. Kevin was as a father to Nick, and he didn't feel too comfortable speaking to Kevin about, you know, 'such things'. It'd feel akward. Perhaps the best thing is to just keep his mouth shut, Nick thought. If there's anyone who ought to know about this, it's Brian. And as Nick had already decide, he had no intention to tell Brian of how he felt. Stupid as it may be.
Brian on the other hand was busy trying to figure out a way to get through to Nick, getting him to trust Brian again. He didn't know what had happened over the last couple of days. But it was clear that Nick didn't tell him the truth. And that was strange, Nick always told him everything.
"This has been some really weird couple of days." Kevin said to AJ. They sat in one of their rooms, talking. "Nick is 'ill', Jim is acting like he's on the brink of a nervous breakdown and Brian cancels all his plans and rushes over the Atlantic ocean to get here in a hurry. And no one is saying anything!" Kevin complained.
"I'm with you." AJ answered, "I have no idea of what's going on here. But there has to be something happening." No one said anything for a few moments until Kevin broke the silence.
"But what I can't understand is why everyone's so clamed up? I'm just waiting for Howie to stop talking too..."
AJ nodded. "These are mysterious times." AJ said and laughed.
"You're taking this seriously..." Kevin was annoyed by AJ's attempt at a joke.
"Aw, come on. It's probably nothing. Besides, didn't you say yourself, 'Nick's a grown-up. He can take care of himself'..." AJ bit back and smiled for having achieved a triumph over Kevin.
"Watch it." Kevin was not amused by AJ's joke, this was differently. Now it was personal. He'd find out what's going on even if it meant stepping over dead bodies.
"Yeah, yeah. Isn't time for breakfast soon?" AJ asked.
Kevin looked at his watch. "Yeah." His face shone up. "I'll call Nick's room and tell them to get over here!"
AJ just sighed. Kevin could get so fixated at times. But AJ did admit to himself that he was also a little bit curious of what was going on. He'd seen both Brian and Jim sneeking around in the hotel, trying to evade the rest of the guys. The only one he hadn't seen was Nick. That made AJ even more curious. If there's something fishy going on and Nick's involved in it, then Nick don't follow. He leads. The more AJ thought about it, the more eager he was to find out what they were up to. He was fairly certain that it didn't involve him and he was therefore safe.
"Don't forget to remind Howie!" AJ called out to Kevin.
"Hello?" Brian answered the phone.
"Good morning, dear cousin." Kevin said in a sugar-sweet tone.
"Good morning to you too." Brian answered. "Why do you sound so nice today?"
"Oh, nothing special. Just calling to tell you it's time for breakfast. Be in AJ:s room in twenty minutes, 'K?" Kevin didn't ask. He demanded.
"Sure thing. See ya then, bye." Brian hang up the phone. "That was Kevin.", he said to Nick. "It's breakfast at AJ:s in twenty."
"Then we better get up, I guess..." said Nick, not wanting to end the moment. Lying next to Brian, their bodies unlimited in their interaction, their naked bodies made words redundant. The pure feeling flowing was well enough. It was something he valued over anything. They both laid there for several minutes, not moving.
Brian suddenly spoke, "We gotta get up now or Kevin's gonna have our asses for breakfast.". He pulled away the blanket.
"Aw, Brian!" Nick whined. "It's cold. Couldn't we just order breakfast ourselves?" The more he had thought of the whole thing, the more unsecure Nick got about seeing the others.
"We can't do that. Besides, I've already promised Kevin. We could order breakfast the next time?" joked Brian and eased out of Nick's grip.
"Man, that's so unfair!"
Brian looked amused at Nick and smiled. "Well, aren't we in a good mood this morning?"
Nick just looked at Brian and sighed as he sat up in the bed. "I better get up then?", he said but remained sitting with his legs crossed. He looked at Brian as the older man rumaged around the room, trying to get all his stuff together. All of a sudden, Nick spoke.
"Are you happy, being with Leighanne?" he asked.
Brian stopped. What had Nick just asked him? "What?"
Nick repeated his question again. Brian was confused by the question. Nick had never showed any interest in talking about Leighanne. It was more the opposite, Brian felt Nick tended to avoid the subject if possible.
"Do you feel as if your life is complete when you're with her? That there's nothing missing? Does she make you complete?" Nick wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer. He didn't even know why he had asked, but now he was stuck with it and had to follow through.
Brian was silent. Had there been anyone else asking, at any other time, he'd said 'Of course. She's my everything.' But not anyone had asked. Nick had asked. And he had asked it in such a way, it had made Brian's brain stop dead in its track. He didn't know why he said it, he didn't even think about until he heard himself answer, "I don't know."
They looked at eachother. Silence filled the room. In Nick, a small ray of hope had emerged. In Brian, the very same ray was filled with doubt.
"I really don't know." Brian said quietly. He was about to speak again when the phone rang and broke the silence. Nick picked up the reciever almost immediately.
"Hello?"
It was a brief silence in the phone. "Nick?" Kevin's voice was filled with surprise.
Nick smiled briefly at the confusion he had caused Kevin, "Yeah, it's me."
"It's been awhile. So, are you feeling any better?"
"It's getting better by the hour. I hope it haven't caused you too much trouble?". Nick talked as if nothing had happened. Trying to smooth things over.
While Nick was on the phone with Kevin, Brian had returned to the drawer. But he just stood there, thinking about what Nick had asked him, and most of all; why had he answered as he had? He leaned his elbows on the drawer, supporting his head. He loved Leighanne, there was no doubt of that. He loved having her around. She made him smile, made him feel loved.
But there had been something Nick had said; 'Does she complete you?'. A very simple set of word, but with a very complex meaning to it. If Brian would say he didn't miss being with Leighanne, he'd be lying. But he couldn't say it bothered him being away. At least not now, he didn't feel an urge to return home. 'I don't know why, but there isn't anything telling me to go back home. Even though it should.' Brian thought. He was confused, before he had never doubted his decision to ask Leighanne to marry him. But now all of a sudden, he didn't regret asking, he merely wondered if he had truly thought of his actions. It had seemed so natural to ask her to marry him, it was the right thing. Or at least he believed so.
When Nick finally hang up, he saw Brian standing deep in thought. Nick moved over so he stood a few feet away, and he looked at Brian. "How are you?"
Brian jumped slightly, he was so deep in thought that Nick's words had caught him by surprise. "Shit, you scared me."
"I could tell as much!" Nick said amused. "We're late. No time to shower or anything. Throw on some clothes and we'll head over to AJ."
Meeting with the guys had been much easier than Nick had anticipated. He was relieved they hadn't given him a hard time about what had happened. 'Brian had been right', he thought as they all were ushered in to a conference room in the hotel. It was time for a meeting with those who organized the promotion tour.
Nick sat down in one of the chairs in the corner of the room. He sat there looking distracted, not really paying any attention to what was being said. He'd find out later, 'so it shouldn't be any problems'. His mind was wandering off to other matters.
A couple of chairs away sat Brian, he wondered what went through the blond's mind. Now, he seemed as if nothing had happened. To Brian, he even looked somewhat bored.
Nick didn't seem to have noticed, but Brian had seen the people running back and forth to Jim, whispering things in his ears. Everytime someone approached Jim, Brian could see Jim and the aids turning their eyes at Nick from time to time, and exchange a few words. After about five minutes, almost everyone sitting by the big table in front seemed to be throwing glances at Nick.
Brian moved slightly in his chair. He was starting to feel uncomfortable by this, he hoped Nick wouldn't notice anything. He'd definitely discuss this with management afterwards. 'Didn't they understand that Nick couldn't handle anything such as this? Everyone have their ups and downs. No need to make a big scene out of it. They probably think he'll crack or something, causing some huge media attention.' Brian believed. All of a sudden, Jim got up and approached Nick.
Jim sat down besides Nick and spoke quietly; "We've just got word from your mother. Your grandma is at the hospital," he made a brief pause, "she probably hasn't many days left. There's been reservations made on a flight to New York this afternoon." Jim didn't ask if Nick wanted to go, Jim knew he would.
Brian leaned to the side, trying to catch some of what's being said between the two. He couldn't hear what Jim had told Nick, but when Nick's face went white, Brian left his seat and went over there.
"What's happening?" he whispered. He saw the sorrow in Nick's eyes. "Oh my god. What has happened?" Brian asked. He sat next to Nick and hugged him, consoling him.
Nick returned the hug, his grip was strong. "It's my grandma, she's really ill... I gotta go to New York and see her."
Brian didn't hesitate for a second, "Well, then I'm going with you."
Nick wanted to say yes, but he didn't. He felt, he had already caused the rest of the group enough problems as it was. Brian agreed reluctantly. He didn't like it at all, but accepted Nick's reasons.
The conference was cut short because of what had happened. Nick only had time to pack his stuff and then he needed to be on his way. Brian sat on the bed while Nick quickly got his gear together.
"OK, I'll see ya when I get back." Nick said to Brian when he was finished and hugged him goodbye.
"Hell no! I'm coming with you to the airport. Ain't no chance I'm letting you go now." Brian exclaimed laughing.
"Great!" Nick was happy that Brian so deciseively wanted to wave him off. He almost changed his mind about not bringing him with him.
"I'll just go tell the others. Meet me in the limo, 'K?" Brian said.
"Sure. Gotta call mom first, but I'll be down soon."
Brian sat in the limo, waiting for Nick to join him. He wasn't sure if he had made the right decision. He should've persisted on going with Nick to New York. Nick was emotionally fragile now. To lose his grandmother also would be especially hard on him at a time such as this.
The car door opened. "Hey there!" Nick exclaimed as he sat himself next to Brian. He was smiling. He seemed so happy. Brian couldn't think of why Nick was so happy, but he smiled back at him.
"You ready?" Brian asked him.
"Yeah, all set." Nick said and signalled the driver to go. He was happy, not of what has happened to his grandmother, but because Brian was there. Anytime Brian's around he was happy. "I won't be staying for a long time. A couple of days at most."
"Hey, Brian!" Howie was in the room, watching TV.
"Hi."
Howie turned away from the TV when he heard tone of voice Brian had.
"What's wrong? Has something happened?" Howie was genuinely concerned.
Brian looked at him. "Nah, nuffin. Just feeling tired. Jetlag I guess..."
He sat down in one of the seats, putting his feet against the table. "You know, Nick asked me something this morning..."
'Here we go again.' Howie thought. 'Something with Nick again. I can't understand how he could be so blind!'. Howie had always believed Nick and Brian's relationship to be a bit strange. In fact, his jaw dropped to the floor in pure suprise when Brian told them he'd marry Leighanne. He had been convinced Brian would say that he and Nick was together. 'One thing for is for sure,' he thought, 'Nick's in love with Brian.'
Howie had seen how Nick looked at Brian, he felt the pain Nick must be feeling. It pained him to see Nick suffer when Brian wasn't around. Howie had noticed how Nick spaced out of everything as to try and escape reality. No doubt, Brian coming to Europe had everything to do with Nick. 'I gotta find out how Brian feels.' he decided. Suddenly he noticed Brian looking at him.
"Huh?" Howie didn't have a clue of what Brian had just said.
"I said, Nick asked me if I was happy being with Leighanne? If she completes me?"
'Yes! I was right!' was all Howie thought. He knew it! Now it was getting interesting.
"So, what did you answer?" Howie leaned in closer, hoping AJ or Kevin wouldn't come and ruin it all.
"That I didn't know... And I still don't. I mean, I shouldn't even be thinking about it. And yet I do. Why is that?"
"Don't you love her?" Howie questioned.
"Yes I do. But that wasn't what Nick asked me. And you should have seen the look on his face. It was so, I dunno, deep or something..."
"Well, if you love her, then I don't know what you're thinking about?" said Howie, trying to get Brian to confess.
"I dunno." sighed Brian, "This is to no use... I'll see ya later, Howie. 'K? Do you know when we're leaving by the way?"
"Yeah, about 5 PM." Howie cursed inside, but he couldn't do anything about Brian leaving.
Brian excused himself and went back to his room. This was the first time he had entered it, he had stayed in Nick's room the whole time. Brian stood in the room awhile. He found it to be cold and impersonal, he decided to leave, 'Fuck this, I'm going to Nick's room.'
It was raining heavily when Nick's flight landed in New York. It seemed fitting to his state of mind, Nick reflected. He hailed a cab and went to the hospital. The drive over didn't take too long. A lot of people appeared to stay indoors thanks to the rain.
The building loomed large by the sky, the helicopter pad's lights flashed through the rain-filled wind by the hospital. Inside there somewhere lied his grandma, Nick thought, and his family watching over her. He coming here felt so final. His beloved grandma who had stood behind him all these years would no longer be with him. He took a deep breath and entered the hospital.
Instantaneously when Brian opened the door to Nick's room he felt the familiar warmth returning, if he closed his eyes it was almost as if Nick was there with him. Brian sat down in the sofa. But it was all a fiction of his imagination. Nick wasn't there, it was painfully obvious.
He felt empty. Now, he felt empty. Not when he was away from Leighanne, but when Nick was gone. It was as if something was missing. He had had this feeling for so long whenever Nick wasn't around. Brian had just never actually thought about it. It seemed so natural to experience that feeling... He missed Nick's laughter. He missed his voice..., long pause. He missed Nick.
It struck him as a lightning from a clear sky; Nick was the one completing him.
His family met up inside the hospital. "Oh, Nick." His mother could barely keep the tears from coming, and once she held him, she couldn't fight them off any longer. The tears burst free. Nick let her cry, comforting her for a while,
"How is she doing?" he asked.
His mother let go of her grip and looked him in the eyes. "There's not much left. She's been asking for you, but she lost conciousness a few hours ago..." His mother smiled briefly, "I'm sure she appreciate you coming all this way for her. She's in that room over there if you want to see her?" She pointed to the nearest room in the corridor, "Do you want someone to come with you?"
"Nah, thanks. I'll be fine."
"'K, hon'. I'll just go down to the cafeteria and get the others. I'll come see you in a couple of minutes."
His mother walked off to the elevators. Nick stood outside the door a few moments. Collecting his mind. Then he entered the room. Inside, lied his grandma in this huge bed. She seemed to be sleeping. There were machines surrounding the bed, generating a constant humming noise interrupted only by his grandmother's small strokes for air. He sat down in the chair standing next to the bed.
He took her hand and looked at her. "Hi grandma. It's Nick." His voice cracked as he spoke. "I'm sorry for not coming sooner. I just found out..." He sat there in silence, he didn't know what to say. He sat there for a long while until he spoke again, "What am I going to do without you?" he questioned, almost whispering. And he began to cry.
Nick cried as he sat next to the hospital bed. His grandma lied there, looking so old and fragile. There wasn't much life remaining. It was obvious to anyone. He just sat next to her in the dimly lit room, holding her hand and cried silently.
He cried for his grandmother, he cried for himself, he cried for his already fragile world becoming even more volatile. He regretted not having Brian next to him. He needed the strength only Brian could give him.
His grandmother inhaled a deep wheezing breath, letting go a few seconds later. A machine next to the bed began a subdued beeping sound. Her heart had stopped beating. Nick looked at her, never once letting go of her hand.
After what felt as an eternity, the door opened. A doctor and nurse, followed by his family, rushed in through the door. Without thinking, Nick let go of her hand and got up. He went over to the other end of the room and slumped down in a chair.
The hospital room had a warm feeling to it, he felt suprisingly calm here. He knew his grandmother didn't suffer. It was all over now.
Nick sat there, watching his family sitting next to his grandmother's bed. Their faces deep with sorrow. But he was calm.
All he could think about was getting on that plane back to Germany.
Five minutes later, he left the seat. Nick's mother looked at him when he approached the bed. They all spoke softly.
He embraced his mother, they stood there comforting eachother. "I gotta go back to Germany." he said.
"What?" His mother looked at him.
He looked at her with affection. "There's nothing more for me here now. I have stuff needing to be taken care of. Besides, I have Brian to look after me." He smiled weakly. Nick wasn't totally truthful, he could have stayed for as long as he wanted. He just didn't want to stay. He wanted to get back to Brian. His family had eachother, he hadn't really been with them now for several years. Brian had taken over most of that part, and now he needed to be with him. "The show must go on." he said.
Reluctantly, his mother agreed to let him leave. She didn't want to argue today. If Nick wanted to go back to Germany and deal with his sorrows on his own, then who were she to argue. Nick was an adult after all, she thought.
"I'll go and call Brian. Making sure everything's taken care of." He hugged her and left the room. He took his cell phone and went outside the hospital to make the call to Germany.
He waited for someone to answer, there were several signals until a sleepy voice answered, "Hello?"
"Hey, it's Nick!" quick pause, "Did I wake you?" he asked uncertain.
"Yeah, it's..." Brian checked his watch, "...2 AM here." Brian quickly got rid of the sleep clouding him, Nick had called him.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"No, no. Don't be!" Brian was so pleased Nick had called him, he didn't want to end the conversation so soon. "How's your grandma doin'?"
There was silence, "She passed away a little while ago." Nick stated.
"Are you OK? Do you want me to fly over?" Brian immediately offered to come, he didn't want to get stuck in Germany alone after what he had just come to terms with.
"What? No thanks." Brian was acting odd, he thought. "Actually, I'm flying over to Germany again today. Just gotta call Jive and have them to book me a ticket."
"You're coming back to Germany already? Why?!" Brian was at a loss, he couldn't understand why Nick wanted to return so soon.
For the first time in a long time, Nick was completely honest with Brian, "I wanted to be with you." Nick spoke quitely, not wanting anyone who might pass by to hear what he had to say. "There's so much going on now. I need someone I can truly rely on and confide in. You're that someone, Brian."
'There's no way escaping it' Nick thought and felt a sting of unease hit him. He figured that after all this time he'd spent flying over the years, he'd be able to board without feeling the urge to throw up. 'I guess somethings never change' and then he got up from the lounge chair he was sitting in, getting ready to board.
Nick looked out the airplane window. Life on the outside carried on without halting, people everywhere on their way somewhere. Someone waiting for them. He was running. But he wasn't running to hide, he was running for shelter. This time, someone was waiting for him too.
To be continued
Wanna know what will happen in part 6? So do I. I'll let you know as soon as I've finished writing it, `K?
Please remember to visit the 'Backstreets' website. Previews of future chapters, character infos, story recommendations and more available.
While you're there check out my other story, 'Into the Millennium'. 'Backstreets' and 'Into the Millennium' are all available at www.geocities.com/writer_nike ______________________________________________________________________________
Comments and feedback: writer_nike@yahoo.com (Please put Revelations and Insights, or R&I, in the subject line. Thank you.) I love feedback!!
BTW, I know how this story will end. Oh, you don't? Well, that's too bad. I guess you'll just have to wait and see then! ;-)
Website: www.geocities.com/writer_nike