"No way! I said. "There's no friggen way! Eath come're!" Ethan rubbed his sleepy eyes and moaned. I know the last thing he wanted to do at 8am on a Saturday was get out of bed but he'd have to learn to change that. I couldnt just stay in bed all day waiting for something exciting to happen. He finally got his lazy ass out of bed after noticing I was totally naked and padded across the room to look over my shoulder. "What?" The eloquince of his statement made me snort, what a charmer. I jabbed my finger right into the middle of the classifides and said "They only want two grand for it! I mean yeah they said it needs some work but thats AWSOME!" Apparently waking Ethan up to talk about motorcycles is a bad idea, because next thing I knew I was headbanging to forces beyond my control... also known as Ethan was shaking me by the shoulers. "AGG cut it out ya' big ogre! Wha'd I do??" I squeaked indignantly. When the Earth finally stopped mamba-ing Ethan answered "Dane, how are you gonna get two thousand dollars... for a MOTORCYCLE?! You already have that damn hot-rod taking up space in my driveway! Isn't that enough?" He asked, more than a little agrivated.
Oh, maybe I should fill you in. Ethan and I have been living together for 3 days, Sheila, the social worker chick, was more than happy to let my stay with Ethan. She said something about him needing the settle down, so I'm takin' a chance and assuming that she knows were together. My sister actually moved in with my aunt in Florida. I mean it sucks balls that we cant be together but Aunt Linda insisted that a single cops two bedroom appartment was no place for a 12 year old girl, plus she has two teenage girls of her own so Katie'll have some company. I have a full time job, at McDonald's (yeah go ahead laugh but the pay is good) And of course, upon Ethan's unrelenting insistance I'm at that troubled kid's school full time, half a day. Funny how things just tend to fall into place. Well not that things are perfect, I'm still flunking math and I've got a load of issues from living with my mom and shit but yeah... life's alright. Now back to the story.
"HEY!!! My car is not 'Taking up space!' it's waiting for me to get the cash to replace the front bumper, plus its not MY fault someone decided to see if it could pull her pickup out of the mud!! It's a sports car, not a tow-truck!" Ethan laughed, shaking his head. We'd been over his partners actions a million times but Jen's reasoning still made him laugh. Oh, right, Jen is Ethan's beat partner, a tall blonde haired, blue eyed babe of a lesbian with a tough chick additude and suave style. Ethan and Jen have known one another sence way before high-school. They even dated for a long time, and I cant get Ethan to tell me whether or not they ever did it, which means they sooo did! "Look you know Jennifer would pay for the damn bumper if you'd let her. But noo you had to be all 'Don't worry about it I've got a job now, plus it need's a new paint job.' And I dont know why you cant drive the fuckin' thing without a bumper anyways! Your not actually PLANNING on rear ending anyone... are you?" Ethan got this look in his eyes, the one that told me he was silently praying I wasn't planning to do it, but he coudln't quite be sure. I laughed and said "No I'm not. But do you have ANY idea how embarrased my baby would be if she had to go on the road without a bumper? It's like me making you walk out'a the house in only your underwear, wait... make that only in a pair of Sponge-bob underwear!" Ethan frowned at me and said "I worry about you sometimes..." then rolled his eyes and walked out of the bedroom.
I padded after him with a smile on my face untill I realized he was headed towards the bathroom, I mean yeah I love seeing his dick but I'm no piss pig, plus I was hungry! I riffled through the fridge till I found the soy milk, then moved stuff around in the cupboards till I located the granola. A recent check of Ethan's blood pressure durring a routine physical that the station demanded had show it sky rocketing due to his bad eating habbits. So that night I'd cleared out the entire fridge, stollen a hundred bucks from his wallet and stocked the house with oatmeal, granola, soy milk, vitamins, vegitables, acutall soy, and a bunch of other health food. Needless to say Eath was pissed, mostly cause there was absolutely no meat in the house but he'd get over it... I think. Plus this was the kinda stuff I ate. So I sat down at the kitchen table and dug into my breakfast. When Ethan walked in he shivered and said "I dont get how you can eat the same thing for breakfast day after day Dane, I'm sure THATS not healthy." I just laughed and with my mouth still full said "So what its better than getting fat like you!" He glared at me and walked over to the fridge without responding. I heard a few little sniffles coming from his side of the kitchen and jerked my head up. Yup, definate sniffles. I bolted from the table and ran over to him, sliding on the slick lenolum time the whole time.
"Whoa Eath man I didn't mean it! I sorry!!" I said in my most pleading voice. I wiggled between him and the open refrigeratior door and looked at his face. He was biting his bottom lip and his face was bright red. It took me a second to notice the vibration in his shoulders was actually him trying not to laugh! "JERK!" I yelled as I shoved him. He took a quick step back and returned my shove with interest "Your the jerk, you called me fat!" I laughed and said "No you are, you made me feel bad for your FAT ass!" From there on it turned into one huge shoving match that ended up with me on my back on the floor and him looming over me panting. "See, told you you were out of shape." And I wriggled out from under him while he caught his breath.
I finished eating while the cop resigned himself to a piece of whole grain toast with organic peanutbutter and a cup of coffee. "So your gonna have to entertain yourself for a little while kid, I've still got to go into work and help Shell with a few things. But I should be back around noon." Ethan was getting up from the table as he said it, walking back into the bedroom to change. "What? Awwe man no way, come on!" I groaned. Great... I was alone on a Saturday morning, oh well. "Can I go hang out for a while then?" I asked. I hadn't seen many of my old friends sence moving into Ethan's. I mean after all it's not like I can bring half a dozen reefers over to a cops house and expect things to be kopacetic. Ethan gave me a funny look from the bedroom and said "With who?" I rolled my eyes and said "Oh this meth dealer and a few of his hookers. You know, gotta keep my pimp hand strong and all." The cop laughed and said "Alright, alright I trust you. Do what you want, but uhm I know you used to do all that... stuff. And I cant really tell you not to but lets just say... I wish you wouldn't, alright?" I groaned. If he'd just said don't do it, I would have. But now that he was asking pretty please with sugar on top, I'd feel guitly. I just stayed quiet and poked at my food as he walked out the front door.
I met up with Jan and Diego outside the mall at 10 (and yess I had to take my baby outside without a bumper, I hope shes not to upset about it...). Diego was one of thouse guys that looked like he'd stepped out of the gutter and into a GQ magazine but coudln't decide which style he liked better. Today he was wearing a styling suit jacket over a Jack off Jill t-shirt that looked like it had seen one to many mosh-pits. His pants were bright orange corderoy and had electric blue chains running back and forth between the pockets, with a few between his legs. But his hair was slicked back buisness man style and he had a book in his hand, I couldn't help but laugh when I read the title 'Of mice and Men'. Good book, totally clashed with his broad grin... and the fact that he was trying to climb the wall... Now it's a little harder to describe Jan, well of course it is, she's a chick right? She's tall, about 5'8 (yeah yeah rub it in shes taller than me) with straight blonde hair and a heart shaped face. Her eyes change from deep blue to purple, to green at will. If she wasn't wearing a pair of blue jeans and some band t-shirt she was wearing a skirt and some band t-shirt. I don't think I'd ever seen her war a blouse accept last year when I took her to winter formal.
"Whaddup nark." Diego said as he hopped down off the wall. I cringed, I didn't think he'd take to me living with Ethan so well. "I'm not a nark D. Ethan's cool, and you know it's better for me there than with my mom." I replied, running my hands through my hair (I had it down today, sometimes I dont really feel like spending an hour hammering it into a perfect fan) Jan walked over to Diego and smacked him on the chest "We talked about this D, its COOL that Dane found a place hes safe in, remember? You even said yourself that Ethan was a cool guy." Leave it to Jan to get between us. Diego and I got along really well for the most part but sometimes the guy had to much testoserone for his own good. "No, I said Ethan was cool... for a cop! But yeah I was just giving ya' a hard time Dane, no sweat you know? Just dont go all goody goody on us 'kay?" I laughed and shook my head, saying "You know I'd never do that to you!" After Jan finished her cigarette and Diego and I argued playfully for a few minutes, we decided to actually go into the mall.
Our first stop was into the tattoo place to see one of our friends Ricky, or Rat, depending on his mood for the day. I plopped down into the 'Chair of Doom' as he calls it, and said "Ok, so what I want is a big ole' set of lips puckered up, you know, a pair that looks like yours? Right on my left ass cheek!" Rats fiance`, his PREGNANT fiance, came over to me and smacked me on the back of the head "Awwe Mindy I wasn't talking about you! I was talkin' 'bout that worthless piece of shit over there!" I whined and pointed at Rat, who was in the middle of giving some wanna be punk rocker a nipple piercing. I dude was like twenty pounds and five years to... something... to be getting a nipple piercing but whadever, like Ricky says "Money is money and I get to hurt people for a living." After the fat dude left Rat came over and said "Ok, so it was a pair of lips you wanted? Roll over and lets get started!" He grabbed my by the shoulder and rolled me onto my stomach before I could get away. Then he grabbed my hips and pulled them up, so my ass was sticking straight into the air. I mock screamed and Diego ran over and smacked it hard, everyone else laughed and I said "Get your nasty pervert hands off me!"
He dropped me back into the seat and let me turn around. We sat and talked to him for a while, and figured out that they wanted to name the baby Minny if it was a girl but they weren't shur if it was a boy. Suggestions like Rocky, Killer, Bulldog, Samuel (Jan's idea) and Kiwi (mine) were all shot down. We also figured out that Rat's mom and dad were coming in to town, which was awsome because we all loved them. See, Rat got his nick-name a long time before we met him. He used to be just another one of thouse black street kids that no one really noticed, his parents had both OD'd and died when he was younge. He was called Rat because the sewer rats came out at night when you slept on the streets, and they would nibble at your fingertips, ears and toes if you couldn't cover them. So Rat's ears were both missing more than just a few chunks. The people coming in to town were actually a really nice middle class couple that had pulled him off the streets and given him a second chance at life. They hadn't even been messed up about him becoming a tattooist. They believed that as long as he was happy it was okay. Rat had between fifteen and seventeen brothers and sisters that his parents had saved just like him. We coudln't really keep them in one place long enough to count them.
That's pretty much how the rest of the day went. Jen had to be home by two and when I got home Ethan still wasn't there so I just sat around and watched TV untill later.
(sorry about the time gap but unless you want to hear about me watching cartoons because Ethan got crappy cable channels I figured I should just skip ahead to more interesting stuff)
I was upset, scared, confused... but what teenager isn't? Ethan and I had gotten into it, like a real screaming match that ended up with me locking myself in the guest bedroom and him walking out the front door to god knows where. He didnt even have a home phone so I couldnt call him if I wanted to. At the moment I'm sitting in the farthest corner of the room from the door, with my arms wrapped around my knees and shamefully I have to admitt I'm crying. But I cant help it, the tears are beginning to feel cold on my cheeks and I realize that while the lights in the room are off, the celing fan is not. Strange the things you notice when your upset. So I run my hands through my shaggy black hair, it feels lifeless and useless, just like me. Ethan's still not alright with making love to me, or fucking, or rutting like pigs I dont really care what you call it. The point is he wont do it with me, it just makes me feel like shit even if he does have a good reason. Theres a dust bunny floating around in the air and I realize that this room must not get used that often. I wonder for a moment why Eath bought a two bedroom place when he doesnt really need or use the extra space.
Cars are passing by like mad outside, gotta love rush-hour right? Actaully at the moment I hate it. Because every damn car that pulls up into Ethan's parking lot makes me think its him, and I get these butterflies in my stomach that must have metallic wings because they fly around wildly at first, and then when I realize I'm angry with Eath and he's still mad at me the damn butterflies get tired and heavy and fall to the pit of my stomach making me feel like I'm going to throw up. After a while of sitting on the floor, letting silent tears coarse over my cheeks I get tired of being scared and sad and worried. I try to forget about my past, I try for half a second to forget about Ethan before I realize that its impossible to do. I walk out of the dark room and flop my long body down on the couch with a sigh. I figure I'll just sit here and wait for him to come home. My eyelids start to get heavy, I'm emotionally drained, I guess that happens when you cry...
Next thing I know Eath's staring down at me from above the couch. For half a second I let this goofy smile slide over my face. I've forgotten that were still mad, and that he's proabably been gone for hours doing god knows what. I sit up and streach, and halfway through a huge yawn I realize that my lover isn't smiling. That he's still pissed off at me, and I remember my metallic butterflies. I jumped off the couch and away from his body, it's radiating heat and sense I'm cold all I honestly want to do is wrap my arms tightly around him. I turn my head to the side, hair slides from behind my ear down onto my cheek, tickling me and getting into my eyes. I mumble "What?" In the general direction of the sexy cop as I trudge to the closed and locked front door. Ethan sighs and says "Dane... come here." My shoulder stiffen up and I glare at him "Don't tell me what to do man. You can't be my father and my lover, pick one and stop confusing me." I hadn't ment to say that... I'd just wanted him to shut up... "Dane..." His voice broke "Is that what's bothering you?" Oh great, he was onto something I really didn't want to talk about.
I looked at him, his green eyes shimering in the half light of the setting sun, his blonde hair catching in that same light and giving him a beautifull halo affect. And then I look to the door, the knob beckoning my name, begging me to leave this place and escape the pain I feel inside, I've never been good at dealing with emotions. I fold, of course, and walk back to Ethan, sitting on the edge of the couch and far away from him. He sighs as if he's too tired to ask why I wont relax, but I know he wants to know. "Please boy, tell me why your mad. We can't just be silent..." I growled audibly and started to stand again, he stopped me with a firm hand on my knee. I glared first at the hand encroaching on my space and then into the clover green eyes of the man I love. "Get your hand off me." I mutter. The hurt that registered in Ethan was more than I could handle at the moment, his face had fallen, the sparkle of fight flew from his eyes and his shoulders fell, while his entire body physicaly recoiled from me. "D-Dane please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please GOD tell me what I did to make you feel this way!" He shook his head, he was fighting demons I knew nothing about and he coudlnt have look more hurt.
Another time and place took over in my mind, back to when I was younger. I had just gotten Farrari, she was a pup, not more than six months old. For a moment the exact sceen fluttered through my head and it was hard to place, then it all came back to me. She had gone on the carpet and my mom had spanked me for it. I'd run to my room crying and slammed the door. When my new puppy scratched at that same door and whimpered I opened it. In my juvinile fit of rage I lashed out at the pup, willing to blame anyone but myself for my mistakes. "GET!" My small voice yelled, the dog took a step towards me, not understanding me, never having heard a tone like that from me, her best friend. Without thinking of what I was doing I slammed the door, Farrari let out a long yelp and when I looked down the door was still open, she was sitting own with one paw in the air, crying. Tears started to flow from my own young eyes, in my rage I had slammed the door on her tiny paw. I knelt beside her quickly and she backed up a step, on three legs. More tears flooded my eyes and poored onto my cheeks. "I'm sorry girl, I'm so so sorry. Please forgive me, please." I begged in a tone I knew she'd understand. The little pup limped back towards me and I took her injured foot in my hand. It was so small it barely took up my little palm. I brought it to my lips and kissed it, not reallying knowing what else to do. Then I picked her up and brought her into my room. We curled up on the bed together, I with tears till streaming down my cheeks, both from my own pain and having caused the little dog pain.
When I shook my head the image was gone but the tears were not. I'd taken that emotion, the pain I'd felt years ago and begun to cry again. Ethan moved quickly to my side, stroking my hair and asking me what was wrong. I just cried harder untill I caught my breath and then the first words out of my mouth were "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. Please forgive me, please." just like they had been way back then. Ethan looked even more concerned. "Forgive you for what Dane? Please let me in, let me know what's going on." I sighed and cleared my throat to stop that rough whine that tends to happen when your upset. "Forgive me for being an ass is what I ment. I shoudln't have said the things I did earlier. And yes your right, it does confuse me that one moment your my lover and the next my father, but I can live with it. Honestly I'm just really overwhelmed." I sighed and looked up at him, all that I wanted now was for us to stop fighting and him to take me in his arms and tell me everything would be alright.
He must have read my mind because he picked me up (remember, freakish muscle-head cop strength) and sat me down on his lap, he kissed behind my ear and said "Alright Dane, I get it. But I cant change the fact that I have to tell you what to do. Well for another week at least, can we please just live with it untill then? Once your 18 your life is up to you. I just hope you'll take my adive from time to time. And as for the things you said earlier, your right in appoligizing because they hurt. I'd love to take you to my bed, but even if it were a year from now, your just not ready. I know you want sex and thats alright but we need to be emotionaly close first. I wish there was a way I could show that to you." I groaned, I'd been a royal ass earlier in screaming at Ethan and telling me that if he wouldnt fuck me he didnt love me. The look in his eyes then and a moment ago when I told him not to touch me matched the look in Farrari's eyes when I'd slammed the door on her paw. Shock, confusion, fear and pain.
"I said I'm sorry. I'm just really messed up right now Eath. I get it if you dont want to be with me right now but please dont walk a-" Before I could finish my sentence Ethan had pulled me off his lap and he was on his feet, towing in front of me with that ominous vein ticking in his forehead. "DAMMIT DANE GET OVER IT! I LOVE YOU AND WILL NOT LEAVE YOU! STOP FUCKING FEELING SO SORRY FOR YOURSELF. YOU'VE HAD A BAD COUPLE OF DAYS BUT IM STILL HERE TO STAY!!!" Spit litteraly flew out of his mouth and it took him a minute to catch his breath. If you listened real close in that moment I'm almost sure you could have heard his voice echo all the way around the city. A tiny smile crept over my lips and I reached up to kiss his angry face. "Alright cop-man I get it. Youre like a leach I cant get rid of, and I'm ok with that. I just get unsure sometimes. Forgive me?" Ethan blinked a few times. Slowly peering at me with sqinted eyes. "Are you sure your not insaine?" He asked wonderingly. "Yuppers, totally sure. I'm manic* not insaine." Ethan ruffled my hair and sighed, sinking back into the couch. I sat beside him going over things for a moment before questioning softly "Where did you go when you left?"
My cop stud looked down at me and smiled. "I went to the book store down the street and picked up a copy of Dr.Phil's 'Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating a Phenomenal Family', 'Relationship Rescue: A Seven Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner' and just for kicks 'The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom'. Why? Did you think I went to a ten second brothel?" I laughed, hard! Looking towards the kitchen table I really did see a copy of each of the books he'd mentioned. "Why... did you pick up a fat book?" I asked between boughts of laughter. "Well you told me I was fat a few days ago and now I'm self concious!" I started laughing all over again. And it didnt stop untill Ethan said "Alright chuckles lets go hit the showers and get some of that stink off ya!" I lifted up my pits and took a deep whiff. A few seconds, two deep coughs and gags from me and one roar of laughter from Ethan later, we found ourselves shoving eachother around in the warm shower.
Water cascaded down my back as Ethan ran his hands all over my torso, carefully scrubbing ever inch of me above the waist (have I mentioned lately that he doesnt play fair?), when he got to my lower back for some reason I got wicked butterflies in my stomach. Not the metal winged ones from earlier but some with feather soft wings that sped up my pulse and made me take in a deep breath, and I wasn't sure why. Before I could process what he was doing, Ethan hit his knees behind me and pawed my legs apart untill I felt like I was about to fall down in the shower. I leaned forward to prop myself up against the wall and I heard him make a funny noise in his throat. My hair was plastered to my face and water was running off my eyelashes and the tip of my nose. I could feel the steam rising off the tile floor and the cool air coming from behind the shower curtain. I could also feel Ethan's warm breath against my back and I shivered, goosebumps running up my arms and down my sides...
(To be contined)
Thanks so much for hanging in there guys! I really appreciate the support and the loyal fans. Sorry the chapter was so short but at least I'm back to writing! And no promises but I might just have another book in the works along with this one shortly! Emails good, bad and ugly are greatly appreciated, thats what keeps me writing! Send emails to Riverwolf101@yahoo.com
*Manic depression (what Dane((and the author)) has) is a condition in which people have mood swings that are far beyond what most people experience in the course of their lives. These mood swings may be low, as in depression, or high, as in periods when they might feel very elated. The sudden changes in mood are circumstantial and relatively uncontrolable.