Bailey By Rory M Chapter 3
The following day, Sunday, Bailey was released from the hospital to his family. He was still tired, but he had regained some of his strength and was almost happy to be returning home.
Around 2 he was released and escorted by nurse and wheel chair down to the lobby of the building. He felt ridiculous being wheeled all the way out to the parking lot, but he also knew that walking seemed to be very tiring for the past few days. As he went through the automatic doors of the hospital lobby he was hit with a burst of cold air and dramatic sunlight. He was dressed for the weather, but being in a dark, warm hospital room for almost a week made him forget how harsh the March weather could be. His father helped him into the back seat of the LeSabre where his mother waited for him.
The ride back to the McCorristin home was roughly 20 minutes, but his mother's persistent hug and warmth put the teenager back to sleep like an infant under the same situation. Shane sat in the front seat, constantly looking back at his brother anxiously. Shane himself was dreading the return of his brother. It wasn't that he didn't love him, or didn't want him home safe and ALIVE, but he knew that everything was going to change when he did, more so than it had the past week of Bailey being in the hospital. The family dynamic was going to change, more so to accommodate to Bailey, and also to probably be stricter on the both of them. He didn't understand what this all meant or how it would happen, but he knew it would. He had already over heard his parents and grandparents talking about going to counseling, had seen them go through Bailey's room, and consulted doctor's on medicating something about a depression disorder. As far as he was concerned there wasn't anything really wrong with his older brother, and he didn't want him to go to a shrink or be doped up like the kids in the special Ed wing. He also knew his grandmother and mother were getting worse with each other as they fought over him going to see Father Raike and a therapist. He just wanted his brother to be home, and things to be back to normal.
No sooner had the car been in the drive way and the family in the front door, Bailey was ushered off to his bed, with little hesitance from the tired and still clouded young man. His room seemed unusually clean, and his bed freshly made with two new pillows, so that he could pretty much sit up straight in the bed, which was the idea considering he was on a week of bed rest. He stripped to his boxers and crawled into his familiar, old bed. He sighed at how comfortable it was and how much he loved the silence of his room. He tried to avoid what he had done, and why he did it. The words of Father Raike gave him some peace of mind, and he clung to those without venturing into what had caused him so much pain to begin with. He fell asleep in his own bed within a matter of minutes.
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The room was dark except for the Television, which you could here the Simpsons broadcasting at a low hum. Bailey slowly woke up, not moving or opening his eyes at first, but slowly rolling over so that he was next to the figure that had invited itself into his bed to watch TV. His face ended up in his brother's side, as he mumbled something that didn't even make sense to him.
"Wha? Bail are you awake?"
"What are you doing here?" Bailey said with a rasping whisper.
"I'd rather be up here than downstairs with them, and besides, you need company."
"I need company? Was this your idea or the security guards downstairs idea?" He said mildly irritated, but didn't show it to his younger brother."
"Mine, do you think I don't want to spend time with you?"
"I think you like my TV."
Shane got a pained look on his face from his brother's joke. He hadn't done anything wrong, he was trying to help the best he knew how. Bailey saw this and immediately felt bad. He sat up against the pillows and tried to restart the conversation.
"Sorry, it was a joke, k?"
"Yeah...right. Bail, why'd you do it?"
"Whoa man, do I even get buffer question?" He was shocked, he didn't expect that question from his brother, he was waiting for his parents or grandmother to start 21 questions, but Shane?
"Sorry, but I want to know what was going on up there." Pointing to Bailey's temple.
"I'm tired, can we wait for this?"
"Do whatever you want, but you're not going to get better unless you tell someone. You have to tell us what's wrong. You can just tell me if you want, I won't tell mom but I really want to know."
"Who said there was something wrong?"
"You don't kill yourself for no reason, there is always a problem."
"Since when did you become a shrink?" Bailey smirked at him, trying to lighten the conversation. Shane was getting worked up with his speech, which he always did when he was confused or upset.
"Baiiiillley!!!"
"OK OK, Shane it's hard to just say it, I can't right now, ok?"
"What could it possibly be? Nothing is that bad."
"How do you know?"
"Because I know nothing could ever get so bad to just kill yourself, it's retarded."
"Thanks, appreciate it, bro." Bailey said a little disheartened. "I'm not proud of it, and I wish I hadn't put you guys through all of this, but I really didn't see any other way...at the time. I just don't feel good with myself right now, ok?" He was getting upset.
"I didn't mean it like that, I just... I just don't understand why you did it. You almost left me. I need you Bailey; I need you to survive this family. I guess we always didn't get along, but that's brother stuff, right? I just can't see this place without you around. It would be me left to deal with the four of them, and I wouldn't have you to stand between and help me out. I love you Bail, we all do. It just wouldn't be the same family if you died." The younger boy surprised Bailey; he never thought he could say something like that, let alone more than a sentence at a time.
"I'm sorry Shane, I just couldn't deal, I'm sorry." A tear rolled down his cheek.
"Why can't you just tell us, if you would have said something it wouldn't have happened."
"You don't know that!!"
"Bullshit, we would have helped you."
"I'm not so sure you would have."
"What, did you kill someone? Bail nothing is that bad."
"I don't want to talk anymore."
"Bailey, I'm sorry.."
"No, it's ok. Just go, ok?"
"Mom and Dad want to talk to you when you wake up, anyway. So just come downstairs with me."
"Tell them I'll talk to them tomorrow."
"IF you won't come with me, they're coming up here. I really don't think you've got a choice."
"Then get them, I'd rather hide under the bed."
"Funny...I'll just say you haven't woken up yet, k?"
"Thanks man, that's cool of you." The younger boy smirked at the compliment.
"Sure, but they'll come up anyway eventually."
"I've known them longer than you have, trust me. Thanks man."
"Love yah Bail, but you know." Shane blushed.
"I know, love you too, man."
Shane shut the door behind him and left quietly down the hall. He didn't hear his brother start to sob. Bailey didn't know what he was going to do; he was tired and scared of what they might think. He couldn't possibly give them this much pain in one week. His thoughts turned again to cursing himself for not dying in the first place. Then he thought about what his brother had said, and realized that he couldn't do that to them either. He slowly cried back to sleep.
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"Bail, Bailey you gotta get up, we need to talk." Collin said soothingly into Bailey's ear as he rocked his shoulder. The teenager grunted his refusal and retreated back under the quilt, only to be stopped by his father, who gently pulled the cover off of his shoulder and coaxed him to sit up. Bailey just rolled over, away from his father, to be met by his mother, who was sitting on the other side of the bed. When he focused his eyes, he realized that the entire family was gathered in the room; even his grandfather sat in his desk chair.
Bailey cringed at the awaiting intervention that was breathing down his throat. He didn't want to deal with it. He knew he wasn't going to be able to put it off any longer, and he had to tell them. The hard part was dealing with their disapproval.
"Wha..what? He croaked out, squinting his eyes at his mother.
"We need to talk about last week, hun." She said as she laced her fingers through his curly hair, as she always did to comfort him as a child.
"What exactly about it?"
"Doen't play cute young man, you know whut." His grandmother said with a slight bit of impatience in her voice.
"Mother, not now. That isn't going to help anything." Collin said to his mother, who became quite flustered.
"Why do we have to do this now, it's after 8." Bailey said with a whine.
"Because the longer we wait the more you're going to put us off." Karen said.
"Bailey we just want to know what's going on with you, it's obvious that we aren't as included in your life as we though we were. Just tell us what's wrong, we'll try to help and get you all the help that you need." His father said, sincerely.
"It's not that easy." Bailey said barely above a whisper into his mother's side.
"What makes it so hard Bail that you can't tell us? That's what I don't understand."
"You don't want to hear what I have to say, I never meant to hurt you."
"We want to hear it anyway, and we love you, we'll get through whatever comes out of that gob of yours." Karen said, getting impatient.
"I don't know that." Bailey said, the tears already forming.
"Yes baby boy, you do."
With that Bailey sat up in the bed and sobbed into his mother's chest. He couldn't look anyone in the eye, and still wasn't sure about what exactly he was going to do. He was afraid; he really wasn't sure which way they would go, especially his grandparents, who were strict Irish Catholic's, who were not the most liberal of people when it came to certain issues. Still sobbing into his mother's shoulder he managed to croak out the two words that had started the most recent events of his life.
"I'm gay."
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That's it for now. Any questions or comments can be sent to St_Rory@hotmail.com or I'm also Rory Danial on AIM.
Thanks to all of you who encouraged me to write my last story and now this one, I love you all. Also, thanks to those in the Nifty Chat, you guys are there for me more than you know.