Bailey

Bailey By Rory M. Chapter 4

"I'm gay."

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Bailey clenched to his mother's side, fearing that she would push him out of her arms. He clenched his eyes shut tighter, not wanting to see the reactions from his gathered family. Karen McCorristin lifted her face from the side of her son's head to look into the eyes of her husband, who was sitting on the other side of the coiled teenager. Her look was of concern, but more importantly a look that Collin knew from many years of being married. She wanted his support, for him to agree with her and to follow her lead. Now was not the time to leave the room to have a parent consultation, to leave Bailey in the room without saying a word could hurt him.

Three other sets of eyes darted around the room to each other and back to Bailey. His grandmother for once had her jaw clenched shut, willing to let his parents talk. His Grandfather as usual was quiet, sitting in the desk chair still, keeping his thoughts to himself, but dreading the silence of the room.

Shane looked on in utter confusion at Bailey. He never expected those words to come out of his mouth, he never even thought of it. To him, being gay was wearing women's clothing, being limp wristed and talking like someone coming out of a Barbara Streisand movie. His brother was none of these things to him. Bailey wasn't into sports, and he wasn't big or that masculine looking, but never in Shane's mind could he imagine his big brother with a guy, or acting like the faggots do. Something wasn't right in this picture to the 13 year old, by far.

"Can you guys leave for now, me and Collin need to talk to Bail alone." Karen said softly to the rest of the family.

"Sure Kar, in the parlor if yeh want us." Brennan, Bailey's grandfather said as he hurries the rest of the family out of the room.

The door was shut quietly behind the three stunned McCoristins, leaving the room a little more comfortable, or at least more air in the room for Bailey. Collin stared down at his son with a slightly pained look on his face. He glanced up at his wife who now had the boy in a tighter grip, to try to allay his crying. The look came back at him from her eyes and he knew then what he was going to do, or at least try. He wasn't prepared for this at all; he was preparing himself for a drug addiction or some girl to show up pregnant, but not this.

"Bailey, stop crying. Come on sit up, we need to talk." Collin said patting the boy on the shoulder.

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Shane threw himself into the large leather easy chair that sat to the side of the large, matching 'L' shaped couch, which his grandparents more delicately placed themselves. His eyes seemed to fix on nothing as his mind raced. Bridget and Brennan looked at each other in the silence.

"They should iv nevir givin that boy that mittle naeme." Chuckled Bridget to herself. Brennan also joined in the slight, nervous laughter.

"What's wrong with William?" Shane asked, even more confused.

"Yer poppo's sissy brether's naeme is William."

"Now doen't yeh start un me brether, he a good man."

"He's a flamer, that's whit he is."

"Whaa?" Shane asked, so utterly more confused.

"Yer great uncle William is gay, Shane. Yeh haven't seen him since yer communion, though."

"Why didn't anyone tell me??"

"What's to tell?" Brennan said back with a shrug.

"I'm related to a fag, and now two, that's what." Shane snapped back.

"If yeh ever use that word in this hoeme again you'll have yerself a red arse!!" The boy's grandmother scolded, pointing her finger and narrowing her eyes for dramatic effect.

"Sorry, but I wish I knew what was going on, no one tells me anything."

"Yeh get to know everythin' when yeh move on, Shane."

"A lot of good that does me now."

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"I'm so...sorry, I didn't mea..." Bailey got out in a sob.

"Bailey, relax. Come on babe, it's alright." Karen said, running her hand through the curls matted to her son's forehead.

"You wanted to die because of that?" Collin said, still not looking at his son.

"Dad I didn't want to hurt you guys I just couldn't..."

"You wanted to die because you're a homosexual? I thought you knew we loved you more than that."

"Collin, please settle your voice, this is no time."

"I'm sorry. Bail, I'm sorry I just don't know why you thought you had to do that." A tear ran down his cheek as he leaned over to hug his son.

"I didn't do it on purpose, I just can't help it."

"Bailey stop crying." Karen said by patting the hyperventilating boy on the back.

"I didn't know if you would let me stay if I told you, I didn't know if you would reject me, I couldn't bare thinking that. It's so hard, dad...I don't know why I feel this way and I can't help it. I don't understand why God would do this to me." He started to sob again.

"Bailey boy, honey look at me." Karen said lifting his face so that she could look into his eyes. "You haven't done anything wrong, and God didn't do anything to punish you, Bailey.

We love you so much, all of us, we would never put you out because of this. You should have told us what was going on with you, we could have helped."

"Bailey, I'll tell you this straight out. I, to say the least, wasn't expecting this. Honestly, I'm somewhat disappointed but relieved." Bailey started to pull away from his father's grip around his torso, but Collin tightened his arms around his chest to pull him back, forcing a whimper out of his son. "No, let me finish. Bailey I'm only disappointed because I hoped that you'd have a happier future. You're life is going to be so hard Bailey, but I'm sure you realize that. You have to be so much more careful, not only of bigots but also of disease. I just hope you find happiness. It might take me a while to get used to, but just remember that I do love you, and I would never EVER turn my back on you, you're my son." Collin's speech was haggard in his son's ear. He was trembling and almost near tears as he squeezed and rocked his son.

"Bailey we were going to talk to you about seeing a counselor tonight, but I really think that it's not an option right now, you really do need to go."

"Mom I already tried, but the father just told me that I wasn't..."

"Not a priest, bail. A real therapist."

"Mom I don't want to go to a shr..."

"You don't have a choice, you have to at least try it." He didn't contest his mother's tone.

"We'll talk about that later, alright Karen? For now he needs his rest."

"Bailey, did you tell anyone else besides the priest?" Karen asked, curiously.

"Just Father Raike in the hospital. He said that I should tell you."

"He was right." Both of them said in unison. Bailey smirked at this.

"I'm really sorry about Monday, I just didn't want to..."

"Water under the bridge now, babe. Just from now on you have to come to us if you feel that way, ok?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Bailey said with a little yawn.

"We should let him sleep, we can talk more tomorrow." Collin said, kissing Bailey's forehead.

"Do you think Nan and Pop are going to be mad?"

"If they actually have a problem then it's too bad, it's MY house." Karen said while tucking him in.

"Mom..."

"Bailey, I seriously doubt they'll have a problem, you're not the first person in the family to walk to a different beat." Collin said with a wry smile. "Get some rest, you need it."

"Love you, Bailey Boy." Karen and then both of them said.

"Love you, too."

Bailey curled into his warm bed after watching his parents close the door on him. He felt relieved, almost as if he could breathe again. For the first time in a long time he fell asleep without crying himself to unconsciousness.

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Karen and Collin descended the winding staircase into the front foyer that separated the dining room from the door. They walked through both rooms and the kitchen before entering the back family room that served as the actual living room, instead of the nicer room in the front of the house that was used for guests. It contained many heirlooms from Ireland and generally nicer furniture, which with having two boys in the house is not the ideal place to have daily living. They entered the large family room where the rest of the family had been waiting.

"Is he alright?" Brennan asked before they could even seat themselves.

"He will be, he's resting now." Karen said, throwing an extra pillow at her younger son, who was still staring into space in the armchair.

"He needs it, the lad should sleep well now. Come un Bren, time fer us to git to bed." Both grandparents bid their goodnights and retired for the evening.

"Shane, are you alright?"

"No, what the hell is going on??"

"Watch your mouth young man." Collin said sternly.

"Bailey is going through a rough time, he needs us to help him get through it." Stated Karen as she sat closer to her husband on the other side of the couch.

"Help with what? It's his fault he wants to be gay, I'm not helping him with it."

"Young man, any talk like that will get you into serious problems with me, and your father. He can't help what he is, it's the way god made him. You should love him the way he is, it's your brother, damn it."

"I don't understand why he has to be gay, he doesn't act like a fag."

"The language kiddo, the language. If you keep talking like that you're going to upset him, it's not appropriate anyway. And who said there is a way of acting gay?"

"Mom, you know what I'm talking about. He doesn't act like a girl, he doesn't touch me, and he doesn't try to get with other guys. He talks normal, like we do. He even dresses like a straight guy."

"Shane, not all gay men act like that. In fact, very few do if at all. You're giving into stereotypes. Now I know you're still young, but you have to understand that there are no real differences between your brother and anyone else, he'll just want to marry a boy, instead of a girl." Collin stated calmly to his son.

"You also have to understand that to be gay doesn't mean that you're a drag queen, pedophile or a pervert, Shane. It saddens me that you would be so narrow minded, though I guess you can't help it going to that damn catholic school."

"Karen, I went to that school, it's a good school. Why does everything have to lead back to that?" Collin and Karen were getting sidetracked.

"That's not the issue now, Collin."

"I still don't appreciate it."

"Will you guys stop already?"

"Shane, the point is you have to be there for your brother. I know this is new to you, but it's new to all of us. Please be mature and help him, and whatever you do don't say anything to anyone outside of this house, especially at school. I know he has enough problems there with his size in the first place, I can't imagine what it will be like if it got out that he was gay."

"I won't, trust me."

"Are we going to discuss the home schooling option, Collin?"

"Yes, but tomorrow. We have until next week before he can do either."

"Still, I think it's a better idea, at least for now." Karen persisted.

"True, but tomorrow."

"You're taking me out of school???"

"No, your brother. You're going until hell freezes over young man."

"Ahh, come on mom."

"You're not cute when you whine, I don't know why you think it's appealing." Shane scowled at his mother."

"Shane, why don't you head up stairs? I want to talk to your mother; you can watch TV for a bit." Collin said, signaling for the exit into the kitchen.

"Fine. Night Mom, Dad." He leaned in to give them both a kiss before he left the room.

"We're going to look into this therapist thing, right?" Karen asked, leaning into her husband's arm, which he then wrapped around her.

"Yeah, my mother isn't going to like it much, but he needs it."

"Your mother can bite her tongue. I also think it might be a good idea for all of us to go, especially Shane."

"Why? He doesn't have a problem, does he? Am I really that out of the loop with my boys?"

"No hun, I just think he needs someone to help him cope with this. He doesn't seem to be taking it well and I don't want it to cause problems between him and Bailey."

"Sounds reasonable, but I think we should worry about Bail's well being first, he's really low."

"I agree, he's got a self esteem of -2, and I think he conflicted with everything, especially the church."

"He loves church, why would you say that?"

"Collin, I think he doesn't feel welcome because he's gay...and I think that he's got a point. The church isn't that homofriendly."

"You think he's losing his faith?"

"I think he's losing his mind."

"Karen, come on, I'm being serious." Collin whined.

"Well then lighten up, or you'll lose yours." The two kissed.

"Do you think he's going to be ok?"

"I hope to God, I couldn't bare the thought of losing him. I hope that was a one time thing." Karen gripped tighter to her husband.

"I'm glad he told us, though. At least we know where he's coming from."

Karen chuckled. "And for the last week I thought it was drugs."

"I guess the rehab clinics can cancel our reservations now?" Collin said jokingly as Karen punched him in the side.

"You think you're funny."

"Yeah well, what can I do?"

"Go to bed with me? I'm tired.

"Yeah, I think I can do that."

They both got up and went back through the house, holding each other around the waist. Both felt relieved after the past week they had had. The previous Monday night was hell for them. Karen found him barely breathing and unconscious when she went to see why he wouldn't come down for dinner. He almost looked blue to her. For the past week she had nightmares of him lying on that bed, not waking up to her shaking. On the way past his bedroom she parted with her husband to check on Bailey. He lay curled on the right side of the bed, halfway out of the blankets. Rays of moonlight came in from the window to sprawl across his fair skin, almost bleaching it of all color. Karen walked around the side of the bed and carefully covered him up again, making sure not to disturb him. She stood at the side of his bed, just staring down at his peaceful face.

"You're my baby, Bailey. I love you so much." She whispered. She leaned down and kissed his forehead before leaving for her own bedroom. She paused at the door one last time to look at the sleeping boy, and then looked to the wall next to the window to see the cross. She smirked to herself and then quietly shut the door behind her.

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That's it for now. Any questions or comments can be sent to St_Rory@hotmail.com or I'm also Rory Danial on AIM.

Thanks to all of you who encouraged me to write my last story and now this one, I love you all. Also, thanks to those in the Nifty Chat, you guys are there for me more than you know.