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ASSMUNCH
"You already know how." Major Collins said. "You just need to learn how to do it deliberately and stay there." Lamont and I sat with the Major on the mats in the gym. "Lamont, this will be new for you and don't get frustrated if you can't get it right away. Harris is way ahead of you. Your first step is to learn how to eliminate all external distractions and just focus on your mind."
It was the evening of the second day of Tower Week. We woke up at 0430 and started with PT. Of course breakfast. Then classes in which we learned all about failures and malfunctions that resulted in injury or death. The two most common assigned accident codes were "improper or abnormal exit" and "unstable or improper body position," which combined accounted for 33% of cases. Also noteworthy at 11% each were "entanglement," "parachute malfunction," and "dragged on the drop zone," and at 6% each were "static line injury," "lost or stolen air," (which collapsed your canopy so you just fell) and "drop zone hazard. (Trees, buildings, power lines)" In 69% of cases blunt force trauma was the cause of death. Blunt force trauma was the term used for hitting the aircraft on exit, mid-air collisions, and slamming into the ground. It was a sobering discussion.
We were also instructed on how our 34 ft. Tower mass exit was to proceed. It was harder than it looked. Our practice down on the ground was understandably at half speed or less than what the actual expectation was. All of the elements of your exit had to happen continuously from clip in to shuffle to hand off to jump with no pause. The Jumpmaster almost pushed you out the door right behind the guy in front. I have to say not having the opportunity to over think it made it easier. Shark and Demon both learned the hard way to keep their chin onto their chest. It kept the back of you head away from your slips when your canopy deployed so the slip or static line wouldn't get caught on your helmet and whip your head. They both looked like rag dolls going down the zip line after they got slip-whipped. We did jumps with gear and without. With gear was called a Combat Jump. Without gear was called a Hollywood Jump. And of course we did several of each with malfunctions and without. By the time we were halfway through the day, I didn't think about falling anymore and just trusted I was attached. And 34 ft wasn't a shock at this point. There were too many other things to focus on and get right. If you completed two satisfactory jumps of each type you were done. If you didn't...well let's just say you don't need to clip in to jump off a bus at the airport.
We were really pumped but tired after all that. Before heading to the gym again I had the Bravos study everything we had learned so far. Some of the brothers, like Bootlicker, studied alone. The rest of us studied in groups. Of course our honorary Bravos Potter, Battles and Lenger joined us. Only a handful of the other randoms remained in the barracks to study or do personal shit. The rest were off having fun somewhere on Ft. Benning or off post in the town. At this point in the Course, it seemed randoms were disappearing every day after failing to qualify.
And now Lamont and I sat in front of Major Collins on the mats in a quiet corner of the gym. Now, that's a relative term. If you ever been in a gym on post you know they aren't quiet. Even if you didn't have the squeak of tennis shoes on the wood floor, the shouts of soldiers playing basketball along with the thud of dribbling down the court there were the giant fans that roared on either end of the hangar roof along with standing area fans that sounded like twin prop aircraft, the constant opening and slam of various metal doors and the grunts and shouts plus weights slamming from the weight room whose doors stayed propped open. It was damn near a factory floor with all the noise. A factory of mostly men, and a few women building better bodies for battle. Base gyms were kind of a haven for the guys because women rarely ventured there even though there were female locker rooms. There were other fitness facilities that female soldiers liked to go to like swimming pools, outdoor tracks for running and (hahaha) jazzercise studios (Think unused rec space somewhere) An open hangar that smelled of sweat, with shouting men and constant noise didn't seem to appeal to them. Good. Although it's awesome checking out the women in their workout clothes it's nice not having to worry about reining in our behavior or being distracted. Trust me, even bundled up in Army sweats they were a treat to look at.
"Meditation isn't magic, it's about training your mind to focus." The Major continued. "It helps you get past fear, anger, nervousness and all the emotions that interfere with clear judgment. A clear mind enhances body performance. Train your mind to absolute calm and you target better, you plan better, you perform better, and it can get you out alive. Let's start with breathing."
He talked us through slow breathing using a 5 count inhale and a 5 count exhale and after a couple minutes he introduced the next step.
"Starting with your toes you will slowly move upward over your entire body to shut out all conscious feeling. Keep your breathing slow and even. Focus on relaxing all your muscles. Imagine your blood flowing down and then up. Relax your toes. You have no muscles, no bones. Breathe in...breathe out...". His voice was monotone, regular, smooth. "You have no toes. Only arches. Relax. Breathe."
Slowly he took us over our bodies to erase each connection until only our minds remained.
Ankles, then several rounds of breathing.
Shins and more breathing.
Knees, thighs, hips, back, chest, shoulders, arms, hands, neck, and finally head. He told us to push everything left out the top of our heads. I felt nothing, I floated there in the darkness behind eyes that didn't exist. My only thoughts were that I existed as a thought. I couldn't say how long I stayed that way because time didn't flow. Peace. Serenity. Being. Thinking back, it felt like that brief moment before waking up in which your mind says `I'm here' but your body isn't because it hasn't been awakened by your mind yet.
"Well done. Open your eyes and take a deep breath." The Major's voice intruded.
When I opened my eyes, I saw the Bravos and the Charlies seated around us. I hadn't even noticed they were there or when they'd come. It felt like just a few minutes had passed, maybe ten? I couldn't tell but I could not have been gone that long, not long enough for all the guys to surround us. "Hey guys," I said. "When did you get here?" I asked.
"About ten minutes ago. We're all done. It's 2045 hrs. Time to head back." Sleeper explained.
What? Lamont and I were gone for more than an hour and a half? It didn't feel that way. I glanced at Major Collins.
He grinned. "That was a good first session. You both did well. Tomorrow we'll practice this again. You should get a short workout in first. Meditation is good, but you can't afford to skip conditioning. They go hand in hand. And although the workout will be short to leave us enough time for a lesson, I want you to push hard."
"Yes Sir." Lamont and I said together.
Being gone wasn't new for me, but this was different. It was a little like the place where there was no me only I stayed aware. The place where there was no me let other things in and some things still existed there. I just wasn't a part of it. In this new place, there was only me. I felt like there was an important connection way off in the gray murky depths of my thoughts. I couldn't reach it.
I was still lost in thinking my way through it all when I remembered that I forgot to talk to the Major about what Sleeper told me he said. The Major knew something. And if I was a paranoid person I'd think he actually sought us out from the beginning. But what was so special about us? And we still didn't know why the Major was here at Ft. Benning, or what Battalion he was attached to, his command...nothing. It was clear that some of the other soldiers here knew him or knew of him. That alone indicated he was unusual in some way. A Marine Major on an Army Post? Except for Joint Operations you didn't see that much at all. Was there a Joint Operation happening here at Benning? If Marines came to jump school they didn't get their own liaison, they were subject to Army command for the duration of their stay here, assigned to the 507th. So the Major wasn't the Marine liaison and I didn't think they'd have a Major doing that job anyway. There's just a weird feeling you get when you meet certain Senior Officers or Enlisted that says they didn't have some paper pushing job and weren't ordinary. It was how they seemed to do what they wanted without looking over their shoulder. How they inserted themselves in situations like they weren't reportable to anyone local. We never saw the Major during our training. In the gym no one approached him but many different soldiers recognized him judging from the looks and fast whispers. Nothing too long. It was always done with a glance, a hurried whisper, then a deliberate NOT looking and moving away. It was all very strange.
WEEBLE
Thank the Lord that the Army pulled me out of Ft. Bragg and put this Alabama boy with the Bravos. I didn't know why, I was 15F, Aircraft Electrician, and the Bravos didn't have nothin to do with Aviation. I haven't touched a single gunship since I was stationed with the Bravos. But electrical systems for other machinery aren't all that different when you see them as an overall nervous system. At least not for me. Now, don't get me wrong or nothin my job was great and I was really good at it. Helluva lot better'n some of the guys in my unit. I'm just a last biscuit of a guy at 5'3" 120 lbs. so I could squeeze into some pretty tight spots or work my hand through small openings. But my mama always said the last biscuit's the best one. My small hands could move inside tight spots to unclip or re-clip wirin harnesses, use a hand tool like a screwdriver for the sixty seven hundred thousand screws or bolts holdin our deadly gunship together, and I seemed to have some kind of magic touch for anythin that needed nimble fingers. I could work just by feel a lot of the time. Our bird was the AH 64 - Apache Helicopter. Workin in the Apache machinery there wasn't nothin that wasn't tight or crammed together. And I could read a circuit board with a glance and field repair anythin wrong with em. But my previous unit had become hell for me. Word had gotten around that I was a homo and the guys I thought were cool suddenly just got mean. Ida been booted if they had anythin on me, there was actually an investigation. Thank God the two guys I had given blowjobs to didn't want to admit they'd stuck their dick in a homo's mouth. Good thing too, they woulda been booted right alongside me. Probably.
Learned a mighty big lesson there. Don't shit where ya eat. I denied everything, even looked at one of the guys I'd blown right in his eyes when I lied about being gay to the others. I knew it was him that started the rumor. He couldn't look me in the eyes right back. He was a coward, but I suppose I was a coward too cause I damn sure wasn't gonna admit it neither. I don't know whether he regretted what he done with me, or he was just tryin to cover his own ass so the guys didn't think he was gay too, but he sure sucked my dick like a Hoover vacuum when we 69'd in that motel room off post, that's all I needed to know.
The other guy, Wicomb, well he didn't get in on the harassment and actually looked a little disappointed in the rest of the guys when they'd say fucked up shit to my face while we worked. He always told em to stop bein assholes. I really liked Wicomb. I didn't think he was gay. But he was a walkin' dream.
Bein' short like I was I always liked taller, bigger guys (that makes me laugh because like... 100% of guys are taller and bigger'n me, so I guess I just like all guys. Hah hah. But taller'n bigger'n average was a particular weakness). Wicomb could be a poster boy for the Army recruitment commercials. All American good looks, and what I used to think was a jacked up muscle body until I met Zeus and Sleeper. Hooo Lord...those two... Lord in Heaven. Wicomb was about 6'1" with nice broad shoulders and long thick legs. He had dark almost black hair and blue eyes, the kinda eyes that were sweet like some baby animal's eyes that just begged you to love him. He was four years older'n me and when I first got to Ft. Bragg he kinda took me under his wing to help me fit in. I think he looked at me like a li'l brother. I got that pretty regular from the big guys. Somethin about how little I was made them wanna protect me and be extra nice. You know, honestly? That's probably why I ended up gay. I mean, I coulda gone either way I guess. But girls seem to have a general thing against guys that were small, not mean or nothin but I was considered cute, adorable, precious... like I was one of their dolls. Girls seem to like guys who can protect them, maybe even take charge. I wasn't nowhere near that. So a girlfriend was never in the cards for me. I did try. But guys? Half of the guys teased me like crazy. I got used to that before I turned 12, so I learned not to let their stupid jokes bug me. The other half seemed to really like having me around. I think because I wasn't a threat, or competition, and next to me they looked huge. And the REALLY big guys... I was like their favorite puppy. It seemed like they went out of their way to make sure I got my say in, didn't let anyone step on me or put me down. It felt really good. I had so many man crushes before I even thought about being sexual with a guy. My first jack-off fantasy involving a guy was Brody Thomas, linebacker on our high school football team. In my fantasy he'd have his arm around me while we watched TV, and he would reach up and just rub my head with his big hand and say `I like you, Victor'. And I shot my load. Pretty lame, huh? That's the only thing I needed to cum was some hulk bein just a little nice to me. I ended up losin my virginity to him. It just happened when we were hanging out one day, but that's private cause it was really special. I ain't gonna tell nobody that story. I think I cried for a week when he went off to college. He graduated and I still had my senior year to go. He wasn't gay as far as I knew and I didn't think I was either back then but he was always really nice to me. I missed him. Still do.
So anyway, back to Wicomb. He really was a good guy. Bout six months after I got to Ft. Bragg, after we'd developed a solid friendship at work, he said he was takin' a weekend road trip to Raleigh-Durham to watch his li'l brother's basketball game at Duke University and did I want to go with him. Course I said yes. By that time I had my usual man crush on him and I wasn't even thinking of anything happening between us. All I needed to get that warm feeling was to sit somewhere close to him and have his attention. He was just that kind of guy - genuine and authentic, confident and laid back, really funny in a way where he made anythin funny and fun. He smiled all the time. Nothin bothered him much.
I offered him to pay half for the hotel, but he said he was just glad I came with him and told me to keep my money. And it wasn't no Motel 6, it was a Holiday Inn, fancy and expensive but he wouldn't take my money. See? Really nice, like I said. And honest Injun, I wasn't thinking nothin' about sex with Wicomb. But that seemed to be how it always happened. Do you figure Indians used to lie a lot back in the Wild West, so it was unusual to come across an honest Injun? Or do you figure it's the other way round - that the old Indians were so honest they were known for it? Maybe I shoulda asked my history teacher about that before he got to fuckin me senior year. No... it wasn't like that... I already had an A'. He was just really nice to me and it sorta happened by accident. I have a lot of sex with guys by accident, I suppose. I guess I just have that effect on some of the big guys. Mr. Madden was handsome with a manly beard, married with a couple kids and reminded me of that actor from the TV show Grizzly Adams, I can't remember his name. Somehow I ended up in the back seat of his Ford Bronco with his fat hairy dick in my smooth tiny teenage ass. Mr. Madden was my first guy kiss too. Brody didn't kiss. That was normal. Most guys who wanted me to suck their dick didn't kiss. Mr. Madden was so nice. He'd always say we shouldn't be doing this' before he guided my head down to suck his dick, and he'd tell me how amazing I was after his soft dick came out of my cum filled ass. I walked the stage at graduation with his still warm cum tryin to wiggle its way out of my tender asshole from him bendin me over in the bathroom just before that, him in his suit and me in my graduation robe. Oh yeah... Dan Haggerty...that's the actor's name. Mr. Madden looked like Dan Haggerty. Super hairy. Pretty nice dick too.
I keep gettin distracted and I'm tryin to tell about Wicomb. My brain don't slow down much. Never has.
Well, the first time it happened with Wicomb was in that hotel room. I never saw him naked before that and I guess I was starin. I didn't mean to, honest.
"You okay, Chambers?" He asked. Now, we were in the Army and bein around other naked guys wasn't no big deal so of course he wasn't in a rush to throw his clothes back on. We didn't have to get to the game for another couple hours. And this was before all the rumors started at work.
"What?" I asked. His question caught me off guard. "Yeah, all good." I tore my eyes away from his dick and looked at those incredible blue eyes. He had his usual big smile on his face. I guess he thought somethin was funny like he always did. I didn't know what, but I smiled back anyway.
"Do you want the shower first?" He asked.
I shook my head. "Nah, you go first."
"Good, I got swamp ass from the drive." He said walkin into the bathroom. I watched him from the bed, bendin over into the bathtub enclosure to turn on the water lookin' at his muscly ass and his long thick legs. Then he turned while the water got hot, lifted the toilet seat and took a piss. He musta had to go pretty bad, cause he just seemed to go on forever and it wasn't like a thin stream. He just stood there with his hands on his hips and let his hangin' dick flood the toilet with a deep rumble like a waterfall. It would bounce a little as he forced his piss out.
"Nothing like a good heavy piss, right Chambers?" He said, shootin me a smile through the open door while I watched.
I smiled back. "Yeah, it sure feels good, no lie." I said. "You even piss big." I said.
He shrugged. "Comes with the big dick, bud." He joked. He made me laugh.
I watched him finish. He didn't even shake his dick, he just climbed right in the shower. I thought that was a real man thing to do. Everythin bout Wicomb had real man written all over it.
After he got done, I watched him get out and he said "Come on, water is still warm, bud." And he left the shower runnin. It was nice the way he called me `bud'. I didn't feel small when he called me that. I got bareass and went to get in the shower while he dried off in front of the sink. I had to squeeze past him but he knew li'l ole me didn't need much room to get by and he didn't seem to mind that I popped wood after I brushed up against him. Other guys woulda made fun of me for it, but not Wicomb. Like I said, he was super nice.
We had fun at the game and went to a restaurant with his li'l brother after. That was fun, his li'l brother was just like him only taller. The whole time we all couldn't stop laughin. Wicomb went out of his way to include me while they joked around so I didn't feel like an outsider. When he said somethin to me, he put his hand on my shoulder or the back of my neck which felt good. One time he squeezed and rubbed my neck and gave me a big smile. His legs were so big and there wasn't a lot of room under the table so we were kinda pressed up against each other which I didn't mind. He didn't ask me to move and squeeze into the corner by the wall. I got that a lot. Ya know, people figure I need less room so they take up more and I get squeezed. That's why big guys were so cool because they were just as aware of how much room they took up as I was aware of how little I took up and they seemed comfortable when their size forced them into my li'l body. They knew neither of us could help it, that's just how it was when you're big. I always did my most not to make a big deal out of it neither because I figured they got just as tired of bumpin into things and having to be careful all the time. I understood all about how you had to think about your size every minute. "I'm not crowding you, am I?" He asked when we first sat down. I just smiled and shook my head.
When we got back to the Holiday Inn it was kinda late, and we were drivin back to Ft. Bragg in the mornin so we got ready for bed. I was already under the covers and was watchin Wicomb standin in front of the sink brushin his teeth. I could see his underwear bulge a good distance above the sink top in the mirror. Mine woulda been hidden by the cabinet.
"You're not going to brush your teeth bud?" He asked me in the reflection. I pulled my eyes back to his face and smiled.
"Don't usually." I said.
He raised his eyebrows at me then gave me a scowl. That made me laugh.
"Brush your teeth, Chambers." He ordered.
I pulled the covers up to my eyes. "But I'm warm now." Fine hotels like the Holiday Inn had the best sheets and blankets, I decided.
Toothbrush hangin out of his mouth, he stalked over to the bed, threw back the sheets and grabbed me out of bed. "Fine. I'll do it for you." He carried me to the sink.
Which is how I ended up sandwiched between him and the sink with his warm body pressed up against my back. I had nowhere to go and accidentally leaned back into him with my butt on his thighs and his bulge into my lower back.
He grabbed my toothbrush and held it up to look at it. "Bud, you need a new toothbrush." He said.
"Why? It's still got bristles on it." I asked.
He laughed. "You aren't supposed to wear it down to nothing, Chambers." He pulled his toothbrush out of his mouth and rinsed it in the sink, then put some toothpaste on it, workin with his arms around me. "Open up."
I did what he told me to and with his left hand on my jaw he slowly started brushin my teeth with his toothbrush. I watched him in the mirror. His hands were so big next to my face. He kept lookin right into my eyes with those sweet blues of his, his long dark eyelashes just makin em perfect.
He was very gentle with me and I relaxed back into his chest. My head only came up to his neck. He went tooth by tooth with small, easy circular movements that felt more like a soothin mouth massage than the furious scrubbin I usually did. He took his time doing all the fronts, then the backs, givin me a bright smile every once in a while. I tried to smile back but it wasn't easy with his toothbrush in my mouth. "Stop smiling, bud, it makes it hard." He kept telling me. I could feel it every time he breathed, his body moving against mine and his muscles flexin with his every motion.
"This is how you should take care of your teeth." He said softly, and I could feel his voice inside me as it came through his chest and into my back and neck. "You should take your time, work the brush over every part of each tooth. You have to make sure you get all the way back, and all around. Your mouth is important, people notice your smile. And you have a nice smile. Let's keep it that way." He rinsed the toothbrush. "Spit"
I leaned over and spat the toothpaste foam into the sink. He pulled me back up against his chest. He brought his fingers to my lips and rubbed. "Open wide and stick out your tongue." I did, and he put the toothbrush on my tongue and brushed real slow and soft along it. "Your tongue is important too. It's soft, so you have to treat it gently. Just rub the brush over it, back and forth, from back to front. If you go too deep, you'll gag at first. But you'll get used to getting back there and soon it won't bother you as much and you'll be able to go deeper. Just take your time, that's the important part." He kept his voice low and soft. He was really a great guy, doing this for me. He didn't make me feel embarrassed or stupid. No one had bothered to teach me the right way to brush my teeth and this big man was doing it just to be nice.
He set the toothbrush down and cupped his hand under the water. "Sip and rinse, then spit." He held his hand up and I dipped my head and sucked the water he held. My eyes were still looking at his in the mirror. I swished the water around while he stared at me with a smile. He held his hand up for me to spit into, then rinsed it in the tap.
"Let me see, open." He said. I smiled as big as I could. "See? Pretty teeth now." And then he rubbed a finger very gently along my front teeth and gums. I know he was just checkin' to make sure they were all clean, but it felt really sexual to have his finger in my mouth. That was just me though, he was just being nice.
I nodded.
"If you need me to show you again, I'll do it in the morning." He said. He gave my chest a pat and then stepped away to the toilet and took out his dick to piss. I was relieved to see he had popped wood too and I wondered why teaching me to brush my teeth would give him a woody. He smiled at me while I watched him force his boner down to point at the toilet. I would never be able to bend mine down like that if it was hard, but mine was nowhere near as long as his.
I smiled back, then went back to watchin. His dick was so big now that I could see it hard. He had a full bush of black curly hair with his big nuts hanging a few inches below.
When he finished, he just pulled his underwear off. "Do you mind if I take care of this? I'm horny." He asked, waving his hard dick at me.
"Okay. But I can do it." I smiled. "If you want."
He smiled back. "Yeah? You don't have to."
I shrugged. The way I figured it, him gettin hard was probably my fault anyway because I was accidentally rubbin up against him while he taught me the right way to brush my teeth. If brushin teeth excited him that was on me for not doin it myself. It wasn't his fault. I was used to that happenin. Big guys didn't always know how big they were and they couldn't help it when their parts came up against you. And I never wanted them to feel self conscious about it so I made sure not to flinch away or say anythin.
Like I said, I wasn't tryin to sex him up, but it happened so the least I could do was take care of it for him. It probably had nothin to do with me anyway. Accidents happen, right?
I got on my knees in front of him and stuck my tongue out to lick the head of his dick. He had some pre-cum hangin there, even though he had just taken a piss. His pre-cum tasted kinda good, most big guys did. Maybe I could practice how to brush my tongue. Seems like what he taught me was real close to suckin dick. I chuckled a little that he had no idea his lesson could be used for that. I reached up and grabbed the base of his dick to slowly start strokin it before taking it into my mouth. I made sure to push it over my tongue, pretendin I was brushing it. I made sure to do it slow and gentle like he showed me. I knew my way round sucking dick and the whole gaggin thing wasn't a problem. I knew what the big guys liked. One of the things they seemed to like was for me to look up at them while I sucked them off, so I lifted my eyes to Wicomb's and watched him. He was lookin down at me, smilin. That made me want to do a good job for him.
"Wow, bud... you're pretty good at that." He said, cradlin my chin in his hand while he pushed his dick in and out of my mouth. "You want to make me cum, buddy?"
I nodded, still movin up and down on his large dick.
"You want to take it? You want me to cum in your mouth?" He asked.
I nodded again.
"It feels good, you're doing a great job, bud. Keep going, you're getting me close. Suck my cock. That's it, take it as far as you can." I liked knowin he liked what I was doin. Some guys didn't want to talk to you while you were suckin em off. Not Wicomb. He liked to talk.
It was really nice of him to let me help him out like that. I was really happy he was lettin me do him a favor. My mama said you should always repay a kindness with a kindness, so I was doin what I was good at for him. And I really liked how his dick felt in my mouth.
I went as far down as I could even though I couldn't go all the way. He was just too big. But I made up for it by slurping my tongue all over the rest of it and usin my hand.
"Damn, bud, work that dick." He said. "You're going to make me cum. Yeah, just like that. Keep going. Just like that. Oh fuck yeah. Here it comes bud. Here it comes. I'm cumming. I'm cumming."
I felt the first spurt shoot into my mouth I knew enough now to stop moving my head and just stroke the base as I let him do his cum thrust to get it all out. I pulled off his dick to swallow his cum real quick then got back on it. Guys liked it when you left it in your mouth for a while, until they started going soft. You didn't want to keep suckin on it or moving, it was too sensitive most of the time.
"Fuck, that was awesome! Thanks bud." he said, patting me on the head. That made me feel really good.
"No problem, Wicomb." I said with a smile after I let his softenin dick out of my mouth. I pulled his underwear back up his legs for him. He had good underwear.
Course, after the rumors started Wicomb had to distance himself from me, but I understood. That was my fault. I shouldn't have trusted that other asshole even if he was nice to me at first. Trouble is, you just can't tell when they're fakin bein nice and all, you know? But he didn't have to be so mean after. I didn't really think about him much at all before or after I sucked him off. He wasn't very good lookin. I'm pretty sure he didn't think about me neither. Like I said before, we sucked each other's dick by accident, it wasn't like we went to that hotel to suck dick on purpose. He was 24 and could get beer, that's why I said yes when he asked if I wanted to stay in his room when the guys did their weekend partying off the main drag. I couldn't hit the bars with them but that was okay. I wasn't goin to have any luck pickin up any chicks. I drank beer alone in that room while he went out and got drunk at the bars. Then when all the guys got back at 0130 we drank some more. Duncan and me just sorta ended up naked and sucking each others' dicks. I don't even know how it happened.
After that weekend, even though I hated the mean things they said and did to me, I could handle it because Wicomb was still nice. But I was truly relieved when I got PCS'd to Germany with the Bravos. Don't know, nor care why. They even changed my MOS to 11B. When I enlisted that was one of the occupations I absolutely didn't want to be, Infantry and thank the Lord my ASVAB scores were good enough to get me other options. I knew I was too small to go through what those guys did. But if this is what Infantry was all about, I shoulda been here from the beginnin.
I finally felt like I had friends and it was a fresh start. Of course I didn't ruin it by sucking anyone's dick even though all of them were nice. Didn't mean I didn't want to. I worried a bit that maybe I was liking it a bit much. I had a huge crush on Assmunch. I liked Zeus and Sleeper too, but Assmunch was like...normal? Sleeper and Zeus were just flat out on some other level li'l ole me had no prayer to even get near.
Assmunch wasn't just nice, he was like Wicomb. Genuine and authentic. And he seemed kinda sad most of the time, for no reason. It wasn't his job or our training, he never had trouble with any of that. And he took care of everyone, gave special help when anyone needed it, or found someone who was better at it than him to help you. He always knew the right way to get something done, and he kept us Bravos ahead of Sarge. I think that pissed Sarge off sometimes when he couldn't find a mistake or anything wrong with us. Assmunch always put a stop to anythin that went too far, and never let the guys be mean to each other. Andrew always noticed when something was wrong before anyone had to say anything, even personal stuff. And then he dealt with it quietly. He kept secrets. Maybe he would keep mine. I was trying to screw up my courage to talk to him but it was hard, you know? I didn't want to ruin my spot in the brotherhood. I almost went to Sleeper that day in the snow shelter, but Puta got there first. I wished I could be more like Puta.
Jump School was hard for me, being small. Those exercises and lessons we had to do with full gear made it super hard for me to even move and jumpin off platforms with all that extra weight was no joke. I just barely was able to clip in on the anchor line too. At least the Sergeants Airborne didn't yell at me every time I smiled at them. I always got yelled at by the other Sergeants for smilin.
I was busy studyin the stuff we were taught that day (for the tenth time - I didn't want to let the guys down and be the only Bravo to drop) when I saw Zeus and Sleeper comin to my rack. Ever since that last week in Germany (Was that just two weeks ago? Holy Moley!) Sleeper and Zeus did everything together. That just made sense. They were the Bravo Big Dogs and everyone kinda knew Sleeper was Assmunch's unofficial enforcer. Now Zeus was too. Funny thing was, in any normal unit I could see Puta, Troll and Cellblock bein the top dogs. Cellblock, one of the black guys, would make a good Platoon Leader with Puta and Troll as his enforcers.
"Hey Weeble!" Sleeper said. "You did great in your match yesterday."
I smiled. "Thanks Sleeper!" I looked at Zeus. "Hi Zeus." I waved and gave him a smile too. Zeus smiled back and I think I fell in love. Have you ever had someone look right at you, like... right into you and you feel like they know you and it makes them happy, which makes you happy? That's what it felt like when Zeus smiled at me. Zeus didn't smile much, or laugh much. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Zeus laugh. I felt warm all over.
"Do you guys want to sit down?" I asked when I finally managed to look away from Zeus.
Sleeper shrugged. "Sure."
I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them while I watched the two big guys sit on my rack. Zeus looked a little silly like he was sittin on a children's chair. He kept tryin to figure out where to put his legs and arms. I was sitting up against my pillow. He tried sitting sideways but then he wasn't facing me so he had to look over his shoulder. Then he twisted but his legs hit the metal bunk frame. So he tried to pull his left leg up and lay it on the bunk but his right was too long still sittin with his foot on the floor. He put his right knee down which looked more comfortable but leanin his upper body forward looked awkward. It was makin me smile, watchin him try to arrange himself. That's how big guys were, nothin in the world was made for their size. We were the same, him and me. He was too big for everythin, I was too small. I guess Sleeper waited to see if he could figure it out for a bit, then he went to the other side of my bunk and sat sideways then leaned over and rested on his elbow, almost laying down. Zeus saw that and did the same thing behind him. Man, even Sleeper looked small against Zeus.
"You doing okay, Weeble?" Sleeper asked.
I nodded, still smilin. "Yeah, doin great, Sleeper. Just studyin."
"Anything you want to talk about? You having any trouble with the course?" Mr. Deep Brown Eyes continued. He was so handsome.
"Nah. It's hard, but I can do it." I assured him. Sometimes the guys helped me out with stuff, but here we were supposed to do all the stuff ourselves. "I won't let you down, Sleeper."
He reached out and put his hand on my knee. "Weeble, you never let us down and you work harder than half the brothers. Don't think we don't notice, or understand it's more effort for you to do some of the things we can do easily. You've come a long way from that first time I saw you trying to keep up with us rucking."
I laughed. "I had a lot of Sarge's spit on my face that week from all the yellin"
Sleeper laughed too. "We all did, brother. I can still taste it." He leaned back into Zeus reclining just behind him.. "You never got yelled at Gabriel." He said, tilting his head to look up at Zeus while he leaned into him. That looked like it felt really good, snuggling up against Big Zeus. "You never had to taste Sarge's spit."
Zeus smiled at Sleeper. It was a really sweet smile. I think Zeus really liked Sleeper. He only smiled that way at Sleeper and Assmunch, never at the rest of us. We just got the regular Super Smile that made you feel like a million dollars. "I didn't do anything wrong for him to yell at me about, Addison."
Sleeper snorted. "Yeah, right. Sometimes I didn't do anything wrong either, but he still yelled at me. `You've disappointed me, Private. I needed one more failure in this Platoon to win the Sergeant's pool. Now I'm not going to win. And I hate to lose. YOU WILL STRIP, CLEAN, AND REASSEMBLE EVERY WEAPON FOR YOUR PLATOON BEFORE CHOW TIME! AND DON'T GREASE THOSE BOLTS LIKE YOU DO YOUR PATHETIC PECKER, DO IT RIGHT!" He barked just like Sarge. "And Demon's M4 was bad. He runs it way too wet. I was almost late for chow."
"I don't think there was a Sergeant's pool, Addison." Zeus said seriously. "Sergeant Walters said he was in a lot of Sergeant's pools, and he always said he lost. He couldn't have lost all of them, we were really good."
Sleeper laughed. "You're right, Gabriel. There was no betting pool. Sarge just liked to say that for an excuse to make us work harder."
"That's not fair." Zeus said, scowling.
Sleeper raised his voice. FAIR?!?! IF YOU WANTED FAIR YOU -
"SHOULDA JOINED THE AIR FORCE!" The rest of the Bravos shouted in unison, mimicking Sarge's growling yell.
That cracked everyone up. Everyone except Zeus who just smiled with a hilarious looking grin.
"Fucking Ground Pounders." One of the Air Force randoms that were left said loudly.
Which only cracked everyone up again.
"So, you good Weeble?" Sleeper looked at me with a kind smile.
I hesitated. "Uh... yeah Sleeper."
"What do you think Zeus? He telling the truth? Or do you think he's got something on his mind?" Sleeper didn't look away from my face. I had to look away. I wanted to trust him, trust the brothers. I just couldn't take the chance.
"He doesn't look happy like he always does Addison." Zeus said, keeping his voice low..
Sleeper nodded. "I think you're right Zeus. Do you want to talk here, or out on the benches, Victor? Or would you rather talk to Andrew?"
I felt my stomach clench. I didn't want to ruin this, what I had with the Bravos. Everyone was still nice to me.
"Hey, Victor. We're your brothers. We love you, buddy. Hey, look at me." Sleeper put his hand on my knee again. I looked up slowly. "Something is bothering you. You're always really bright and happy, trying your best, going around lifting everyone's spirits. Everyone thinks you're awesome. But sometimes you don't look happy if no one's around. You know we got your back, right? Hell, we like Bootlicker, and he's an asshole."
"Victor, you're our friend too." Zeus said to me. I liked hearin him talk. And there was somethin about how he said it, with his deep serious voice. We didn't go around callin each other friend a whole bunch. It was always `brother', bro, or our nickname. Sometimes even our last name if it was super serious. When Zeus said I was his friend, I felt it. It was real. He wasn't fakin it. And Sleeper was cocky, sure...but I probably would be too if I looked like him. But he wasn't never mean to no one.
"If you don't want to Victor, we won't push you. But you can come to us for anything, anytime." Sleeper got up, and Zeus did too.
I wanted to. I wanted to so bad. But I didn't want to be weak. See, what the big guys never could understand was how little guys like me never felt grown up and wished every day to be like them. When I saw guys like Sleeper and Zeus, Assmunch, Troll, Puta, Demon, even Bootlicker I saw Men, grown men. And next to them I felt like a child, always behind them, never keeping up. Size was part of it, sure. But it was also more than that. They were confident, capable and self reliant. They didn't care what anyone else thought. They didn't beg anyone to be nice to them. I felt dependent upon their good nature and every day I lived in fear that they would discover I was just pretendin to be grown up so they would continue to accept me. No one ever looked at them and thought he doesn't belong here.' Even before the rumors started in my old unit I didn't actually feel like I was one of them. Their jokes and dismissive remarks made it clear every day I was different from them and they'd never see me any other way. I was used to that, honest. It hardly hurt at all anymore. It was how it was all through school. Bein small was lonely to begin with. They say it's lonely at the top... but they don't know what they're talkin about. It's twice as lonely at the bottom. Bein the smallest just meant you had even less to offer someone as a friend. Think about it - what do friends do with each other? Ride bikes, skateboard, play sports, try to pick up girls, walk around the mall tryin to be noticed. Wasn't a single one of those things I was any good at. I couldn't keep up, no one wanted me on their team playin a pick up game of touch football, or half court basketball, I wasn't no girl magnet and no one invited me to go to the mall. Sometimes I'd go by myself and say hi to some of the guys I knew from school. I didn't blame them for not invitin me to hang out with them after the first awkward exchange of what's goin on?' It wasn't like I was actually their friend, I was just the tiny guy from school. Little guys like me didn't say hey, why don't we...'. Or - do you guys want to go...'. Little guys like me followed. Little guys like me took whatever they were lucky enough to get. I felt like a hungry stray dog everyone pitied and would sometimes feed, but would never take home.
So see, guys like Sleeper and Zeus couldn't understand how hard I tried to keep my spot in the Bravos. And how desperate I was to keep up with them. I finally felt like I belonged. I was almost terrified of losing the first group of guys who never made me feel small.
"Victor?" I heard Sleeper's voice interrupt my thoughts. "Dude, I really don't want to push you, but something is really bugging you. Please. Let's go talk to Assmunch. He always knows what to do."
I looked up at him. Holy smokes he was so handsome. His big muscles so sexy. Those deep brown eyes so kind and ... hell, those eyes saw me. When Sleeper's eyes looked at me I didn't feel small. I felt like I was a person.
"Victor, Andrew is amazing." Zeus continued. "Do what Addison says. We're going to talk to him." For a Big Guy who never talked much he sure was talkin a lot these days. Not like I minded, his voice was both soothin and excitin. I'd never had a crush on someone's voice before. Before I realized what I was doin I had closed my manual and stood up. I sighed. That was part of it too. A Big Guy tells me what to do and I don't even stop to think. A grown man would never do that. I didn't mind though. Not when it was Zeus, or Sleeper. Or Assmunch. I woulda done anything those three told me to. It was the part where I did it without thinkin that bugged me.
"Okay." I agreed. I had no idea what I was going to say to Assmunch. I didn't really want to do this. I didn't want to look weak, especially in front of Assmunch. I knew how much it was going to hurt when I saw his eyes look at me different. Sleeper led the way over to Assmunch where he sat on his bunk. Zeus came up beside me and put his arm around my shoulder. I almost stumbled when I felt so good and all my anxiousness disappeared. He was so huge. But the funny thing was, the REALLY strange thing... I felt bigger than I'd ever felt in my entire life with his arm around me. I know it sounds stupid, but I felt like next to him like that I didn't have nothin to worry about, and I was part of his bigness. Like I was included... in HIM. I can't say why I didn't just sink right into his big powerful body immediately. Hell, I do know why. I couldn't risk lettin down my guard even when I knew anyone else would have done it and not be ashamed or care what anyone thought.
Assmunch didn't even blink, or ask. "Outside." Was all he said.